Maybe it’s more of something introverts relate to, but the other night I went out with some friends, and after a couple of hours and drinks I was done socializing and ready to head home. However, my friends weren’t. I enjoy going out, I enjoy an occasional drink or two, and I enjoy socializing, but I enjoy it in a much smaller dose than most of friends. They don’t seem to understand this. So, I wound up getting pressured to stay out past that perfect time to leave while I’m still content, and spent the last half of my night at a miserable decline. Sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning they decided we needed to hit yet another bar to play beer pong. Some of my friends are a few years younger than me, and these are the nights where I really feel the age difference. For most people I know, “Let’s party all night, every weekend!” ends after your early twenties and the goal becomes to just catch a buzz, rather than wind up wasted. I got called a “party pooper” and so because somehow in their eyes it’s better I stay out in a bad mood than go home content…and the pressure of “I’m going to leave with you so I don’t go home alone, but I just want to do this one other thing first…” the whole night, kept me out. So, around 1am or 2am we wind up getting to a bar that I feel like only college kids go to and I’d been forced into super-bitch-mode, wanting nothing more than to head home, and fantasizing about sleeping in my bed alone. Sitting alone on a barstool, watching my friends wrap up their game of beer pong was of course when everyone began to hit on me while I was in bitch-mode…

(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Hi, I don’t usually do this but…but…I…I just wanted to tell you that if you were a natural disaster you would be global warming.”
Myself: “Oh. Yeah, ha. Well, thank you but I’m not really interested in meeting anyone right now.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Well, I just wanted to talk…”
Myself: “Yeah I know, but you know, just this whole scene and everything. I’m really, really tired and I’m waiting for my friends to finish this game of beer pong so I can go home.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “I know but I just think you’re…”
Myself: “No really, thank you. I just, I’m really tired, sorry. I really don’t want to do any of this dating, talking, meeting people, any of this stuff…”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “But I just wanted to chat and…”
Myself: “I know, thank you. I just…Sorry. I hope you find someone to talk to tonight!”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: *Walks Away*

(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Hey, you look cold.”
Myself: “Oh um, yeah I am pretty cold actually, but I’m just waiting for my friends to finish their game so I can go home.”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Oh, well, I just thought you looked cold and so I thought I would mention it and um…”
Myself: “Yeah, I am cold, but I’m really tired and not really interested in meeting anyone right now…And you know people like keep coming up to me to talk to me…”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Well uh, I’ll just save you the trouble then and I won’t be one of those people, and I’ll stop now…”
Myself: “Okay, thanks!”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: *Walks away*

(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Hey, what’s your name?”
Myself: “Oh we’re talking now?”
[How f*cking bitchy is that?! I was so done with that night, hours ago! He was probably the one I was the meanest to]
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhh I guess…”
Myself: “Yeah um…I just really don’t want to do this. I’m really tired, I’m waiting for my friends to finish their game so we can leave and I really feel like this is an early 20’s bar.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Oh…Well…”
Myself: “Well –How old are you?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Er…Old enough…”
Myself: “Yeah, early 20’s, you see. All of you just want to meet and f*ck, meet and f*ck and I mean that can be fun for some time, but you just grow out of it. I’m really over that phase.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Well, but it’s fun…”
Myself: “Yeah, I know I mean that’s cool, it is for a while, just not anymore for me. You’re from [STATE CENSORED]?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Yeah”
Myself: “Yeah, well I’m just kind of tired of dating and meeting people and hooking up at bars and all…And I’m tired of guys too, so now I’m also interested in girls.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhhh…Like hooking up with girls?”
Myself: “Well, you know, dating them, possible relationships…”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “You like girls” *nods head*
Myself: “Well, I’ve always dated guys but-”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: *Walks away while I’m mid-sentence and whispers something quickly to his group of friends, pretty sure along the lines of me not being interested in guys*
Myself: *laughing*
[At least by saying it that way he didn’t take it personally…]

So, I’m not really sure how into dating I am right now based on my “push all guys away” mode. I keep thinking about what if I had had a different sort of conversation with the cute guy earlier in the night, but at the same time I’m pretty okay with not having met anyone that night. I guess I’m torn between the idea of staying single, being in a relationship, and the dating crap that’s necessary to get there.