It’s been what, months since I last wrote here? Well guess what, it’s been months since there was any action going on in my love life as well. I’ll give you a little recap of what I can, anyway. There was the guy who I met about 5 years ago at a concert and hadn’t seen since. He was one of those friends where the situation is “Hey let’s totally be FaceBook friends and then not speak to each other ever again, but occasionally glance at pictures from each other’s lives for the next six years.” Well, we chat every now and then as of the last few months, and occasionally share somewhat explicit stories. A few days ago he told me that he’d be in town and we could hang out. He now normally lives a passport and approximately 222 miles from me (thanks, Google.) He said Wednesday night he’d be available and I should let him know if I’m up for it. I’m not sure of the details but I’m pretty sure he was looking to hook up with me and I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend. Tuesday night he deleted his FaceBook, or possibly deleted me. Late, Wednesday night he reactivated his page and messaged me “Hey I guess we missed each other this time around.” I replied “Yeah, I saw you deleted your FaceBook or blocked me or whatever.” No answer. I suppose he got cold feet or caught about his plans? For the record, no I wasn’t going to hook up with him and no I especially wasn’t going to hook up with him if he had a girlfriend.
Okay, maybe not all of that last sentence was true. A guy who I once wrote about here, (Quick Recap: we met at a party, he came back to my place, we talked for hours, I fell asleep, when I woke up he was gone, nothing happened between us, he messaged me saying he was interested in me, he wound up seeing someone a week later, some months later he asked me how I felt about some sort of strictly sexual situation, I declined as I already had one going on with someone and explained that I wasn’t interested in that kind of relationship) left me two messages on FaceBook the other day. His message after at 1am said “Thank you for the birthday well wishes. It’s been a while but we’re def still in line for a make out at least.” It was followed by a 6:30am message “My apologies, such a random inappropriate message… blame the booze.” I was thrilled to know guys at my age still drunk dial/text/message so I don’t have to feel so guilty about doing it once in a while. Honestly, I’ve gotten much better, though. I’ve always had ex’s numbers in my phone and no matter how blackout drunk I may get, I’ve always still known they were off limits. (I keep them in my phone so I know who to ignore in case they ever contact me.) But, the shocking part of this is my own realization of how desperate I’m starting to get because my reply wasn’t anything like “Yes, that was uncalled for and isn’t going to happen” -It was actually: “Lol it’s alright. Honestly, I’ve had NOTHING going on with anyone for a while now so it doesn’t even sound like such a bad suggestion.” And so, I recently sent out a few messages on the dating site and we’ll see how that turns out I suppose…
OK, this may be un-solicited advice, OK, it for sure is. However, I am going to say it anyways. I am currently single and have been for awhile. I think in general, our society upsells romantic love like it is the ONE thing we need in our lives. We are bombarded with movies, friends getting married, and it inculcates us with a desire to WANT that. If we focus on ONLY romantic love, we may miss the most important, loving, fulfilling relationships around us. That is friends, family, and family that we adopt outside our biological.
I inquired with a friend recently regarding a cute girl he used to work with. He stopped me and said “you are too good for her.” I was stunned by his response. “what do you mean? Am I really that great?” I began taking inventory on my life, trying to see what my friend saw in me.
I looked at my living situation, money, career, and other aspects that typically make someone a catch. I was lacking in most of those things, and yet my friend still saw something in me. I began to contemplate what it means to love and be loved. I looked around and saw my friends, family, and adopted (not legally) family.
When someone chooses to love me, they also are being loved by everyone else in my circle. I began to see the depth of love I had with everyone else, and that really, it was THEM missing out by not dating me.
If I die single, it would not be without being loved, and returning it. It wont be a lonely life, but one filled with passions, fulfillment, and encouragement.
I hope that you will also see yourself as lovable, and deserving of someone great. :)
Thank you for your input. I think that type of love can definitely help a person feel fulfilled in their life, but it’s in a different way than the love in a romantic relationship. In my personal situation, I feel that I am in a place where I would like to add that type of love to my life again, but of course it isn’t so easy. I do think society pushes the “need” of it more than most people should actually feel a pressure to have it, but it’s still personally something I’m interested in, in addition to other positive aspects that are already in my life. I’m glad you were able to accept what you currently have as enough at this time, though. Too many people do rush into things or get into relationships just for the sake of being in them. It’s best to not define yourself by who you’re with.
Indeed :) I hope you find your addition soon :)