…I wrote this a few months ago and had been meaning to edit it before I posted it, but so much time has passed that, well here it is as is:
I don’t post as much as I used to because I haven’t been actively dating as much as I used to, but every now and then I like to check in and give an update…The last date I went on, a couple of weeks ago…Well, let’s start from the beginning. So, the usual cycle began. I logged into my *whichever-app/site-it-was-this-time,* scrolled through my suggested matches, and felt I’d reconfirmed any doubts I’d had about eventually dying alone. Then of course an attractive face caught my eye, and I slowed down the rolling queue of single people. Moments later he’d sent an initial message, and the conversation began. Cute, interesting, not particularly with my exact sense of humor, but he was nice, so this would be alright. We chatted for a couple of days –actually there was about a week long break in-between our messages at one point- although, that’s not so important. He didn’t have a great excuse, but had reappeared to continue to message me, and then we switched to textmessages. We actually only made the number swap because of a dumb –but true- excuse I gave, about having an issue with a program at work when he knew how to resolve it. Program fixed, and we moved onto the normal and abnormal conversations people tend to text. This went on for few more days. Eventually we even had set plans to meet, and then one night it turned into something like this (realistic paraphrasing of the actual conversation while being as honest as possible)…
Him: “That sounds like a fun vacation! You didn’t wind up finding Mr. Right on that trip?”
Me: “Actually, I did wind up dating someone long-distance for 6 months after that trip. Now that’s the second time I’ve mentioned someone I dated, to be fair tell me one of your relationship stories!”
Him: “That’s alright!”
Me: “No, c’mon. How about, why did your last relationship fail?”
Him: “It didn’t.”
Me: “What? What do you mean, you’re still in it? I mean, why did it end, what was the reason?”
Him: “No I mean, I haven’t been in a relationship before.”
Me: “You haven’t had a girlfriend before?”
My Thoughts: *Oh no, what’s wrong with him?!* (As much as I’d like to pretend my thoughts don’t sound so cruel)
My Thoughts: *Alright, I gotta know how far he’s been…* (Not that it matters!…?)
Me: “How old were you when you had your first kiss?”
Him: “16” (It might have just been around there, younger or older)
Me: “How old were you when you first had sex?”
Him: “Is there a wrong answer to that?”
My Thoughts: *Uh-oh*
Him: “I haven’t yet.”
My Thoughts: …I’d like to say it doesn’t matter. I think I’ve been saying that for so long, but honestly, at that moment, well I wasn’t thrilled with the answer. I was turned off because I couldn’t help but think there must be some horrible reason, and I’d never encountered something like this at this age. And with such little experience how much time would it take someone to develop that sort of skill set? I was extremely judgey, but figured it would be okay if I didn’t say it…
Him: “You know, one time a girl stopped talking to me right after I told her I was a virgin. Just ended the conversation right there.”
My Thoughts: *Yeah, about that…*
So, we kept talking. I asked a lot of questions. I was honest, but not too honest because sometimes we all have inappropriate thoughts and the difference between being mean and just human is keeping them to yourself. He was adamant about telling me what he had experienced. It was interesting he’d done certain things, yet just by circumstance had never led to the rest of things. He then revealed a pretty uncommon fetish he had…So uncommon, I felt compelled to Google it to see if it was a “real thing” and understand how something like that was even worked into a sexual scenario. Sure enough, it exists and works for some people. After some debating, I decided not to specify what the fetish is on here. He was so uncomfortable with it, I’ve decided even though he’s anonymous, I feel like doing him the honor of skipping most of the details on the topic. But, for those who are still curious, I will say it’s over a typically somewhat mundane part of the body.
The first time we made plans to meet he cancelled with a lame excuse. The excuse itself wasn’t even that lame, but it made me feel like someone who was called “lame” in jr high school would use the excuse. I figured cancelling on an initial meeting just a few hours before was usually a deal-breaker. Either because it meant the person had never really intended on meeting you, or because the person being stood up wouldn’t be willing to give them another chance. But, some days later, we met!…And he was normal! Well, “normal” as in whatever weird way we all are in our uniquely diverse individuality. He’d simply fallen into one set of circumstances after another where he didn’t wind up in a relationship or losing his virginity until he’d suddenly just been the age he is now, and it’s not quite easy to jump into things after that at this age, especially based on the way even I’d reacted to his situation.
The date itself was fine. Days earlier we’d already discussed my opinion on who should pay on a date, so that was sort of easier and more awkward all at the same time. (I say that I don’t mind splitting it, while unable to help silently judging the other person if they don’t cover me –on a first date.) But, as I hadn’t eaten and didn’t want to drink without food, I meant it when I said he didn’t have to pay and I’d pay for my half myself without judging him. We did split it and somehow in the end I think he still wound up paying a larger amount. Overall, I just got this “friends only” kind of vibe from him. It’s hard to describe better than that, but when I let him know this he said he got that a lot. Maybe it was a combination of corny jokes and too much innocence on his part, but I couldn’t picture myself ever being in any type of romantic relationship with him. We continued to text each other after that night, and I’d say we became friends, but am not sure of us ever getting much closer –even just as friends. So there, that’s my story of the time I dated a mid-20’s-year-old-virgin with an uncommon fetish.