New Years Messages

Just pay attention to the dates in these messages and reconsider not deleting messages in your inbox for this reason…

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Should I have at least thanked him for the compliment?

Maybe I was a little bitchy here, but I was bored and hadn’t replied to any messages in a while…
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Actual Screenshot From My Match Results…

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He’s single because this is his profile picture on the dating site.
I’m single because the dating site suggested his profile to me.

This is why I decided not to message you…

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I’m not entirely against a short list attributes or types of relationships one is not interested in posted on their dating profile. I mean if there is some feature in a person or relationship you’re 100% turned off by without exception and you think it’ll help weed out the messages your receiving by stating that out in the open, that isn’t generally a given (“I don’t like to date people who are mean to me”) -then sure put it out there. However, drawing attention to a very specific incident that went awry, doesn’t look good for you and isn’t going to prevent that situation from repeating. The odds of that exact situation repeating are pretty slim to begin with, so there’s no reason to devote a section of your profile to it. This particular paragraph sent so many red flags through my mind. First of all, it makes this person look revengeful, “I’ll get back at them by describing what they did on my profile, publicly calling out this one person on it.” That leads me to believe they’re not that cool and this weird sort of passive aggressive behavior is probably not a quality I’m going to enjoy if I date them. I would not be surprised if they were a sociopath or a psychopath. Hey, maybe they’re not, but that’s the message they’re sending me. Second, if someone did make up an excuse to leave in the middle of their date, maybe they shouldn’t want to broadcast that. Maybe they deserved it, though I agree it’s not a nice thing to do. The fact that they’ve posted this on their profile leaves me thinking they most likely were that bad of a date that someone decided to escape. -But you couldn’t let it go, huh? You actually updated your profile to target that person. Finally, what if there really was a legitimate crisis this person had to tend to? Now who looks like a jerk not at all sympathizing? *shudders* And to think I’d been in a conversation with this person a year ago, though we never met! (Yes, the image above is an actual screenshot from someone’s dating website profile.)

Do I Still Date Women?…

I mentioned a guy I’d been speaking to from a dating site to my best friend. “Oh, so you’re over that thing with women?” she asked. No, it wasn’t a “phase” and I’m not “over” it. The reason I haven’t been mentioning many women lately is just because I’m having shitty luck with meeting any I’m interested in, or I seem to be as shitty of a prospective girlfriend to women as I seem to be to men lately…*sigh* If I saw an attractive girl that I could identify as being gay/bisexual or whatever else in-between, sure I’d pursue it, but my gaydar sucks. Even more limiting I find I’m usually only interested in feminine-looking women and being feminine-looking myself, I doubt most could pick me out either. *shrugs* And rejection sucks. There are a million reasons one could be rejected, mistaking someone’s sexual identity/orientation doesn’t need to be another one for me. So that mostly leaves me with gay bars and dating sites. When I go to a gay bar to meet someone it feels like I’m specifically choosing to meet women, which feels weird, when I’m clearly still interested in men as well. Every experience I’ve had at these bars was so aggressive. The women demand to know my sexual history with women within thirty seconds of introducing themselves to me and I’m not a great liar or half-truther. I get it, they don’t want someone who’s going to flake out on them and everyone judges a virgin (not that I’m such a virgin with men by any means.) But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t wind up leaving with any of them, or their phone numbers. So then there are dating sites and I don’t get any messages from women, ‘nor any replies from the few messages I send out. Once in a while I’ll get a message from someone I’m very much not interested in and well that’s that. So in short, women just don’t like me, I guess, or at least I haven’t yet met an available one I like who does, while men I have some interest in do continue to show interest in me.

I still notice attractive women. I always have. I don’t say much about it because I don’t say much about it when I notice an attractive man either. I had a mini crush on a girl I met a couple of weeks ago, but I’m pretty sure she’s straight and I don’t know her that well. So, once again I didn’t mention it to anyone. She was just pretty cool and pretty fun to talk to and pretty…There, does that satisfy you, those who want to believe it was just a phase? There wasn’t anything more than that to make of it, so I didn’t. I spent over twenty years of my life not realizing I had an option to date women and ignoring the occasional crush. It’s too bad I didn’t collect a bunch of experiences in my youth to justify my admittance to being open to it now. Maybe then people wouldn’t see my mentioning of it as such a novelty. There was somewhat of an exciting aspect to it at first, just like any new discovery, but it wasn’t just a novelty thing. A friend said they could find someone to hook-up with me, but I didn’t want a one night stand, ’nor to be some couple’s fantasy in a threesome. Of course I have an interest in something I’d never experienced before, but it’s not a one-and-done deal. It was just another option in dating. It’s only to other people that it’s such a big deal. It never was to me. I never “came out.” I never felt the need to discuss it with others. I certainly never felt the need to create a new label for myself. Labeling myself as “straight” for all these years is what convinced me I had to adhere to the label and that there wasn’t any room to be anything but that. I don’t do those labels anymore. I’m lucky to have as many non-judgmental family members and friends as I do, as I know many don’t, and this might be a bigger deal in their circles of acquaintances. For me, it isn’t, so I’m thankful for the ability to so easily be label-free now.

OkCupid has come out with so many labels and the ability to select up to five genders (woman, man, agender, androgynous, bigender, cis man, cis woman, genderfluid, genderqueer, gender nonconforming, hijra, intersex, non-binary, other, pangender, transfeminine, transgender, transmasculine, transsexual, trans man, trans woman, two spirit) and up to five orientations (straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, demisexual, hetroflexible, homoflexible, lesbian, pansexual, queer, questioning, sapiosexual.) Now, it’s great for anyone who identifies with being any of those things because they can choose exactly what fits them, but when I look at that, I can’t possibly be the only one who just feels more confused about which label best fits them. I’ve yet to come across a profile that has selected five of each, but at a certain point isn’t it okay to just not label yourself at all? Where is the “none” option? For me, that long list of labels just feels so much more restricting. I guess some people like to feel included in a certain group, belong some place, and some people like to have a word that describes them perfectly. That’s okay. But, I personally do not wish to be boxed into any labels any more. I feel free to love and fuck whoever I please and others can label me as they see fit straight, bi, gay, hypocrite, questioning, queer, poser, lesbian, hetroflexible, or whatever else they feel fits. But I’m not calling myself anything but me these days. No, I’m not “above” it. I’m not “above” anyone who loves being labeled and who has worked hard to feel comfortable in their label or for equal rights for their label. I’m not better than or belittling anyone who has gone through any types of hardships to gain respect for their label. I applaud it and am fully for it. I just want to be respected just the same in my label-less-ness, is all. I’m not even feeling that this label-free thing is such an original idea, either. I know some people won’t understand this or agree with it, but who would anyone be if all they did was try to appease everyone else? And I don’t believe I’ve offended anyone, as I certainly didn’t mean to, but I know it can be a very touchy subject. I know, I see your posts on FaceBook everyone, you know who you are, not that you know who I am, but I’m 100% sorry in advance and will delete this entire section if you find it offensive some how. I’m not on this blog to start internet fights. There’s enough bullshit on the internet as it is and I don’t need to contribute to any of that viral “omg” nonsense. <3

So, I haven’t written about dating women very much on here recently. I might more often. I might once in a while. I might not. Hopefully no one is surprised either way. I’ve put more focus on the apps and websites I use for dating men because I’ve spent so much of my life dating them. It’s sort of like the low-hanging fruit of dating for me. It’s familiar and easier, though not necessarily better. It’s where I seem to have more luck. So until some cute female notices me, I see this male-trend continuing in my dating patterns for now. I don’t plan on this coming up again, but figured I should clarify for those wondering since this is my dating blog and all…

There are some messages I ignore…

If you wouldn’t open with that line in person, why would you use it on the internet? Everyone comes off a bit creepier on the internet than they are in person. We don’t know who you are behind your profile. You might have someone else’s photos up. You might be twenty years older than you claim. You might be a serial killer. Okay, you might be a serial killer if we met you in real life, too –but at least we’d have a little more to use to base our impression of you off of. We’re going to use our best judgment, but that should be kept in mind when you message us. If you’re not having success getting a date with whatever topic you’re using to start a conversation in the real world, maybe you should tone it down a bit when you start that conversation on a dating site? Now, if someone’s profile reads “I have a foot fetish and I’m only on this site to find someone who shares that with me” –By all means, start off with that topic in your initial message. However, if that’s your thing and you’re sending a message to someone who doesn’t sound all that kinky, you might want to tone it down until the conversation gets a little deeper. You know, “Hi,” or “Hey,” or “Hello” are usually a good words to use to start the first sentence if you can’t be more creative than that.

You also might want to try sending these initial messages to someone who the site even remotely suggests may be a good match for you. If your looks aren’t your strongest attribute, you might want to brush up on your verbal skill set. Maybe you shouldn’t be sending the message you’d like to receive from a stranger, and rather the message you think they’d like to receive. If you don’t know what they might like to hear, take a look at what they’ve written in their profile. At least skim their damn profile if you’re not going to read it before messaging them. I know it might be a surprise, but there’s really a lot more to someone than the 3-10 pictures of themselves they’ve uploaded to their dating profile. Read your message to yourself and ask yourself how it would make you feel coming from a stranger you probably wouldn’t have any interest in. Tweak it until it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable and then give it a shot. Picture your message in a row of messages we’ve received and think about the way you’d like it to stand out. Positively or negatively? And if you’re going to disregard all of that anyway? Well, now I know why *you* wound up on a dating site…I mean, if you weren’t putting in a lot of effort in person, and you’re putting in even less online, what did you expect to find here?
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Stating The Obvious

So, here’s another weekend bitterly single and replying to messages of those I’m not interested in on dating sites…
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