Just pay attention to the dates in these messages and reconsider not deleting messages in your inbox for this reason…
New Years Messages
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Tag Archives: online dating
Should I have at least thanked him for the compliment?
Maybe I was a little bitchy here, but I was bored and hadn’t replied to any messages in a while…
Actual Screenshot From My Match Results…
He’s single because this is his profile picture on the dating site.
I’m single because the dating site suggested his profile to me.
This is why I decided not to message you…
I’m not entirely against a short list attributes or types of relationships one is not interested in posted on their dating profile. I mean if there is some feature in a person or relationship you’re 100% turned off by without exception and you think it’ll help weed out the messages your receiving by stating that out in the open, that isn’t generally a given (“I don’t like to date people who are mean to me”) -then sure put it out there. However, drawing attention to a very specific incident that went awry, doesn’t look good for you and isn’t going to prevent that situation from repeating. The odds of that exact situation repeating are pretty slim to begin with, so there’s no reason to devote a section of your profile to it. This particular paragraph sent so many red flags through my mind. First of all, it makes this person look revengeful, “I’ll get back at them by describing what they did on my profile, publicly calling out this one person on it.” That leads me to believe they’re not that cool and this weird sort of passive aggressive behavior is probably not a quality I’m going to enjoy if I date them. I would not be surprised if they were a sociopath or a psychopath. Hey, maybe they’re not, but that’s the message they’re sending me. Second, if someone did make up an excuse to leave in the middle of their date, maybe they shouldn’t want to broadcast that. Maybe they deserved it, though I agree it’s not a nice thing to do. The fact that they’ve posted this on their profile leaves me thinking they most likely were that bad of a date that someone decided to escape. -But you couldn’t let it go, huh? You actually updated your profile to target that person. Finally, what if there really was a legitimate crisis this person had to tend to? Now who looks like a jerk not at all sympathizing? *shudders* And to think I’d been in a conversation with this person a year ago, though we never met! (Yes, the image above is an actual screenshot from someone’s dating website profile.)
Do I Still Date Women?…
I mentioned a guy I’d been speaking to from a dating site to my best friend. “Oh, so you’re over that thing with women?” she asked. No, it wasn’t a “phase” and I’m not “over” it. The reason I haven’t been mentioning many women lately is just because I’m having shitty luck with meeting any I’m interested in, or I seem to be as shitty of a prospective girlfriend to women as I seem to be to men lately…*sigh* If I saw an attractive girl that I could identify as being gay/bisexual or whatever else in-between, sure I’d pursue it, but my gaydar sucks. Even more limiting I find I’m usually only interested in feminine-looking women and being feminine-looking myself, I doubt most could pick me out either. *shrugs* And rejection sucks. There are a million reasons one could be rejected, mistaking someone’s sexual identity/orientation doesn’t need to be another one for me. So that mostly leaves me with gay bars and dating sites. When I go to a gay bar to meet someone it feels like I’m specifically choosing to meet women, which feels weird, when I’m clearly still interested in men as well. Every experience I’ve had at these bars was so aggressive. The women demand to know my sexual history with women within thirty seconds of introducing themselves to me and I’m not a great liar or half-truther. I get it, they don’t want someone who’s going to flake out on them and everyone judges a virgin (not that I’m such a virgin with men by any means.) But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t wind up leaving with any of them, or their phone numbers. So then there are dating sites and I don’t get any messages from women, ‘nor any replies from the few messages I send out. Once in a while I’ll get a message from someone I’m very much not interested in and well that’s that. So in short, women just don’t like me, I guess, or at least I haven’t yet met an available one I like who does, while men I have some interest in do continue to show interest in me.
I still notice attractive women. I always have. I don’t say much about it because I don’t say much about it when I notice an attractive man either. I had a mini crush on a girl I met a couple of weeks ago, but I’m pretty sure she’s straight and I don’t know her that well. So, once again I didn’t mention it to anyone. She was just pretty cool and pretty fun to talk to and pretty…There, does that satisfy you, those who want to believe it was just a phase? There wasn’t anything more than that to make of it, so I didn’t. I spent over twenty years of my life not realizing I had an option to date women and ignoring the occasional crush. It’s too bad I didn’t collect a bunch of experiences in my youth to justify my admittance to being open to it now. Maybe then people wouldn’t see my mentioning of it as such a novelty. There was somewhat of an exciting aspect to it at first, just like any new discovery, but it wasn’t just a novelty thing. A friend said they could find someone to hook-up with me, but I didn’t want a one night stand, ’nor to be some couple’s fantasy in a threesome. Of course I have an interest in something I’d never experienced before, but it’s not a one-and-done deal. It was just another option in dating. It’s only to other people that it’s such a big deal. It never was to me. I never “came out.” I never felt the need to discuss it with others. I certainly never felt the need to create a new label for myself. Labeling myself as “straight” for all these years is what convinced me I had to adhere to the label and that there wasn’t any room to be anything but that. I don’t do those labels anymore. I’m lucky to have as many non-judgmental family members and friends as I do, as I know many don’t, and this might be a bigger deal in their circles of acquaintances. For me, it isn’t, so I’m thankful for the ability to so easily be label-free now.
OkCupid has come out with so many labels and the ability to select up to five genders (woman, man, agender, androgynous, bigender, cis man, cis woman, genderfluid, genderqueer, gender nonconforming, hijra, intersex, non-binary, other, pangender, transfeminine, transgender, transmasculine, transsexual, trans man, trans woman, two spirit) and up to five orientations (straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, demisexual, hetroflexible, homoflexible, lesbian, pansexual, queer, questioning, sapiosexual.) Now, it’s great for anyone who identifies with being any of those things because they can choose exactly what fits them, but when I look at that, I can’t possibly be the only one who just feels more confused about which label best fits them. I’ve yet to come across a profile that has selected five of each, but at a certain point isn’t it okay to just not label yourself at all? Where is the “none” option? For me, that long list of labels just feels so much more restricting. I guess some people like to feel included in a certain group, belong some place, and some people like to have a word that describes them perfectly. That’s okay. But, I personally do not wish to be boxed into any labels any more. I feel free to love and fuck whoever I please and others can label me as they see fit straight, bi, gay, hypocrite, questioning, queer, poser, lesbian, hetroflexible, or whatever else they feel fits. But I’m not calling myself anything but me these days. No, I’m not “above” it. I’m not “above” anyone who loves being labeled and who has worked hard to feel comfortable in their label or for equal rights for their label. I’m not better than or belittling anyone who has gone through any types of hardships to gain respect for their label. I applaud it and am fully for it. I just want to be respected just the same in my label-less-ness, is all. I’m not even feeling that this label-free thing is such an original idea, either. I know some people won’t understand this or agree with it, but who would anyone be if all they did was try to appease everyone else? And I don’t believe I’ve offended anyone, as I certainly didn’t mean to, but I know it can be a very touchy subject. I know, I see your posts on FaceBook everyone, you know who you are, not that you know who I am, but I’m 100% sorry in advance and will delete this entire section if you find it offensive some how. I’m not on this blog to start internet fights. There’s enough bullshit on the internet as it is and I don’t need to contribute to any of that viral “omg” nonsense. <3
So, I haven’t written about dating women very much on here recently. I might more often. I might once in a while. I might not. Hopefully no one is surprised either way. I’ve put more focus on the apps and websites I use for dating men because I’ve spent so much of my life dating them. It’s sort of like the low-hanging fruit of dating for me. It’s familiar and easier, though not necessarily better. It’s where I seem to have more luck. So until some cute female notices me, I see this male-trend continuing in my dating patterns for now. I don’t plan on this coming up again, but figured I should clarify for those wondering since this is my dating blog and all…
There are some messages I ignore…
If you wouldn’t open with that line in person, why would you use it on the internet? Everyone comes off a bit creepier on the internet than they are in person. We don’t know who you are behind your profile. You might have someone else’s photos up. You might be twenty years older than you claim. You might be a serial killer. Okay, you might be a serial killer if we met you in real life, too –but at least we’d have a little more to use to base our impression of you off of. We’re going to use our best judgment, but that should be kept in mind when you message us. If you’re not having success getting a date with whatever topic you’re using to start a conversation in the real world, maybe you should tone it down a bit when you start that conversation on a dating site? Now, if someone’s profile reads “I have a foot fetish and I’m only on this site to find someone who shares that with me” –By all means, start off with that topic in your initial message. However, if that’s your thing and you’re sending a message to someone who doesn’t sound all that kinky, you might want to tone it down until the conversation gets a little deeper. You know, “Hi,” or “Hey,” or “Hello” are usually a good words to use to start the first sentence if you can’t be more creative than that.
You also might want to try sending these initial messages to someone who the site even remotely suggests may be a good match for you. If your looks aren’t your strongest attribute, you might want to brush up on your verbal skill set. Maybe you shouldn’t be sending the message you’d like to receive from a stranger, and rather the message you think they’d like to receive. If you don’t know what they might like to hear, take a look at what they’ve written in their profile. At least skim their damn profile if you’re not going to read it before messaging them. I know it might be a surprise, but there’s really a lot more to someone than the 3-10 pictures of themselves they’ve uploaded to their dating profile. Read your message to yourself and ask yourself how it would make you feel coming from a stranger you probably wouldn’t have any interest in. Tweak it until it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable and then give it a shot. Picture your message in a row of messages we’ve received and think about the way you’d like it to stand out. Positively or negatively? And if you’re going to disregard all of that anyway? Well, now I know why *you* wound up on a dating site…I mean, if you weren’t putting in a lot of effort in person, and you’re putting in even less online, what did you expect to find here?
Stating The Obvious
So, here’s another weekend bitterly single and replying to messages of those I’m not interested in on dating sites…
Persistence
There’s an option to increase your message storage on OkCupid and not have to worry about deleting old messages to send new ones. This is what it looks like when you don’t have the increased message storage and you send a message to someone who does (-And you’re extremely persistent, pay no real attention to those who you message, have no originality in your messages, are sending a message to someone who has a 0% match to you, and the person you’ve messaged isn’t planning on answering you…) Side Note: Check out the month the Christmas wishes were sent.
More Datelessness
The lack of romance in my life seems to be making me rather bitter these days. Most of the conversations I have on dating sites lately are similar to this one, if I even dare to answer…
Mid-20’s Virgin
…I wrote this a few months ago and had been meaning to edit it before I posted it, but so much time has passed that, well here it is as is:
I don’t post as much as I used to because I haven’t been actively dating as much as I used to, but every now and then I like to check in and give an update…The last date I went on, a couple of weeks ago…Well, let’s start from the beginning. So, the usual cycle began. I logged into my *whichever-app/site-it-was-this-time,* scrolled through my suggested matches, and felt I’d reconfirmed any doubts I’d had about eventually dying alone. Then of course an attractive face caught my eye, and I slowed down the rolling queue of single people. Moments later he’d sent an initial message, and the conversation began. Cute, interesting, not particularly with my exact sense of humor, but he was nice, so this would be alright. We chatted for a couple of days –actually there was about a week long break in-between our messages at one point- although, that’s not so important. He didn’t have a great excuse, but had reappeared to continue to message me, and then we switched to textmessages. We actually only made the number swap because of a dumb –but true- excuse I gave, about having an issue with a program at work when he knew how to resolve it. Program fixed, and we moved onto the normal and abnormal conversations people tend to text. This went on for few more days. Eventually we even had set plans to meet, and then one night it turned into something like this (realistic paraphrasing of the actual conversation while being as honest as possible)…
Him: “That sounds like a fun vacation! You didn’t wind up finding Mr. Right on that trip?”
Me: “Actually, I did wind up dating someone long-distance for 6 months after that trip. Now that’s the second time I’ve mentioned someone I dated, to be fair tell me one of your relationship stories!”
Him: “That’s alright!”
Me: “No, c’mon. How about, why did your last relationship fail?”
Him: “It didn’t.”
Me: “What? What do you mean, you’re still in it? I mean, why did it end, what was the reason?”
Him: “No I mean, I haven’t been in a relationship before.”
Me: “You haven’t had a girlfriend before?”
Him: “No”
My Thoughts: *Oh no, what’s wrong with him?!* (As much as I’d like to pretend my thoughts don’t sound so cruel)
My Thoughts: *Alright, I gotta know how far he’s been…* (Not that it matters!…?)
Me: “How old were you when you had your first kiss?”
Him: “16” (It might have just been around there, younger or older)
Me: “How old were you when you first had sex?”
Him: “Is there a wrong answer to that?”
My Thoughts: *Uh-oh*
Me: “No…?”
Him: “I haven’t yet.”
My Thoughts: …I’d like to say it doesn’t matter. I think I’ve been saying that for so long, but honestly, at that moment, well I wasn’t thrilled with the answer. I was turned off because I couldn’t help but think there must be some horrible reason, and I’d never encountered something like this at this age. And with such little experience how much time would it take someone to develop that sort of skill set? I was extremely judgey, but figured it would be okay if I didn’t say it…
Me: “Oh”
Him: “You know, one time a girl stopped talking to me right after I told her I was a virgin. Just ended the conversation right there.”
My Thoughts: *Yeah, about that…*
So, we kept talking. I asked a lot of questions. I was honest, but not too honest because sometimes we all have inappropriate thoughts and the difference between being mean and just human is keeping them to yourself. He was adamant about telling me what he had experienced. It was interesting he’d done certain things, yet just by circumstance had never led to the rest of things. He then revealed a pretty uncommon fetish he had…So uncommon, I felt compelled to Google it to see if it was a “real thing” and understand how something like that was even worked into a sexual scenario. Sure enough, it exists and works for some people. After some debating, I decided not to specify what the fetish is on here. He was so uncomfortable with it, I’ve decided even though he’s anonymous, I feel like doing him the honor of skipping most of the details on the topic. But, for those who are still curious, I will say it’s over a typically somewhat mundane part of the body.
The first time we made plans to meet he cancelled with a lame excuse. The excuse itself wasn’t even that lame, but it made me feel like someone who was called “lame” in jr high school would use the excuse. I figured cancelling on an initial meeting just a few hours before was usually a deal-breaker. Either because it meant the person had never really intended on meeting you, or because the person being stood up wouldn’t be willing to give them another chance. But, some days later, we met!…And he was normal! Well, “normal” as in whatever weird way we all are in our uniquely diverse individuality. He’d simply fallen into one set of circumstances after another where he didn’t wind up in a relationship or losing his virginity until he’d suddenly just been the age he is now, and it’s not quite easy to jump into things after that at this age, especially based on the way even I’d reacted to his situation.
The date itself was fine. Days earlier we’d already discussed my opinion on who should pay on a date, so that was sort of easier and more awkward all at the same time. (I say that I don’t mind splitting it, while unable to help silently judging the other person if they don’t cover me –on a first date.) But, as I hadn’t eaten and didn’t want to drink without food, I meant it when I said he didn’t have to pay and I’d pay for my half myself without judging him. We did split it and somehow in the end I think he still wound up paying a larger amount. Overall, I just got this “friends only” kind of vibe from him. It’s hard to describe better than that, but when I let him know this he said he got that a lot. Maybe it was a combination of corny jokes and too much innocence on his part, but I couldn’t picture myself ever being in any type of romantic relationship with him. We continued to text each other after that night, and I’d say we became friends, but am not sure of us ever getting much closer –even just as friends. So there, that’s my story of the time I dated a mid-20’s-year-old-virgin with an uncommon fetish.
Dating Green Eyes -Missing Story Part 1
You may have noticed after my third date with Green Eyes, I stopped writing about it. It feels like it’s time to fill you in, one piece at a time…After the third date, I was starting to overanalyze the textmessages, and anxiously await the next. I was thinking about him more, and getting jealous about his other dates. I was starting to like him. Nothing crazy, just that beginning stage when you realize you sort of have a thing for someone you didn’t feel this excited about the first few times you met. So, when he mentioned not wanting to see someone else he’d been dating, I was more than happy to help him turn her down. Looking back, rereading this conversation, I find it very interesting –but I’ll get to that part of the story later…
I should also mention that out of the blue, Blue-ish Eyes texted me the night before, asking if I wanted to get a drink in my neighborhood. I guess that’s when I reconfirmed I’m not a dating-multiple-people-at-once kind of person. My interest had shifted towards Green Eyes, and I wasn’t feeling the need to date someone else I didn’t feel much of a connection with. It was like I was just dating others in hope of it curbing my jealousy when he dated other girls. I wanted the options on the table to make it all feel fair…
Of course, then I started to think there was no other girl…
…And then I started thinking I was the someone else he wanted to pursue. I figured the “half true” was because of how openly we were still dating other people as well. I still don’t really know much more of what to make of it, it didn’t really come up again.
I was excited to have someone to think of as just a little more special than the other people I know. A someone who would pop into my head “is it them?” with every text notification I got. A someone who I could smile about when daydreaming on my commute to work. A someone for my mind to focus on when I felt alone.
…Story continues in the next post…
I’m losing patience on dating sites…
…He tried again but it was still too generic and I gave up.
Early-On Dumping A Date
The time-traveler (see previous post for the back story) shot me a text the next afternoon. I know he doesn’t use textmessages, so I knew that was big for him. I suddenly felt guilty about how I’d left things off, when I really had no plans of speaking to him again. It took me a couple of hours before I remembered how much I hated being ignored in that situation, and decided it would just be better to let him know how I felt before leading him on any further. His textmessage had sounded so sweet, so I felt kind of awful to bring him down. It went like this…
It was his short reply that made me feel pretty bad, though…
That curt “See ya” has such a hurt and defensive tone behind it. I didn’t read it as a friendly, “Oh well” sort of “see ya,” but one that says “I don’t care,” when you really do. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry I may have mislead him, or that I felt bad, but nothing I typed into that “compose message” box seemed like anything that would have made me feel better if I’d been on the receiving end of it. My friends think I shouldn’t feel so guilty and that he shouldn’t have had that response, but I know there have been times I was there. Even just a couple of days ago I’d had my excitement over the latest Mr. Perfect Profile crushed. Somehow this text read “I was happy about meeting you and felt potential in how things went, all last night and throughout today, and then you shattered that.” Maybe he should’ve read into my “I’m tired” so early into the night a little better. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed him goodnight. Either way, no matter how short-lived something may have been, bringing someone down who didn’t really do anything wrong will never be a pleasant thing. Although that was a lot of reading into the text exchange I did, I suddenly felt an overwhelming distain for dating…That probably sparked some of this blog’s recent comeback.
Date With A Time Traveler?
[Continuation From Previous Post]
I hadn’t been out on a date in months, and I also hadn’t been out on a date with a guy in almost a year. Feeling that this made it some sort of out-of-the-ordinary special occasion, even with a not-so-special (yet?) person, I decided to spend a little extra time on my appearance. I’ve got a job where formal attire is required, sucking the excitement out of being “dressed up for a change.” So, a little more effort is necessary to stray from my routine look. I know I don’t “need” makeup, but spending some extra time applying it differently from my usual look, paired with the extra 5 minutes on my hair, I did feel that I looked pretty hot that night. (That’s not a word I typically use to describe myself.) Even if it was just the confidence boost it somehow added, it was nice to feel that way. Knowing the person I was about to meet was really my second choice date for the night, I figured I’d arrive a little early to have a pre-date drink and psych myself up for it a little more. Maybe I was also hoping to get someone else’s number before he arrived. I spent the first 20 minutes in a crowded bar desperately looking for some place to put my glass of wine down so I could take off my coat. I leaned against the wall in-between the jukebox and the ATM hoping someone might separate from their group and use one of them. Eventually I did ask someone very attractive to hold the glass for me for a moment. Their body language screamed “I’m not interested in you.” Thanks. I wasn’t off to an exciting night.
The date showed up mostly on time and I was surprised that his accent, clothes, and just about everything about him felt like he’d been plucked from some old New York film from somewhere around the 1920-1940’s. It was quite interesting and even more so hilarious. I decided to pretend we’d gone back in time and I went with it. Of course, he was clueless to this game –as this was just who he was present day. He used the restroom and when he walked out immediately said, “Ah, you’re still here, that’s good.” I figured it was a joke, but wondered if anyone had really been that rude to him before and just vanished moments after meeting him. At my suggestion, we got out of that bar and went a couple of blocks down to the less crowded place I was actually supposed to meet my first choice date at. Wouldn’t it have been funny if he had been there with someone else? I wouldn’t have been surprised after how excited he’d sounded over the bar. He wasn’t there, that I noticed. So, second choice date and I talked. He talked like we were living decades in the past, and it fueled my game of imagining we’d gone back in time when he talked about his distain for the latest technology and refusal to use textmessages. Even when I asked about his family he seemed to ramble more about New York history, when this and that bridge was being built and so on, than their actual lives. Perhaps he had been a time traveler! My little sci-fi fantasy was probably the only thing keeping up my excitement about the date. From the start I wasn’t feeling very into him, and had to keep my mind from wandering to the beginning where he’d noted I was still there after he’d stepped into the restroom. To pass the time and keep myself entertained, I talked a lot, and I talked about things that interested me. If you’re interested in someone, I suggest asking to hear more about that person rather than talking their ear off about yourself. That’s sort of a general rule number one on dates. That is, dates you want to go somewhere.
I didn’t mind when he kissed me because I’d had a couple of drinks, but it woke me up to realize he was somehow into me even after my non-stop chatter, or just looking to hook up, and I shouldn’t lead him on. I told him I was tired and I had to go head home. Sometimes I am actually tired and sometimes I have had a good time, but feel it’s getting late. So, I can’t tell you that it’s every time, but there is a very good possibility someone isn’t into you or the date if they tell you they’re tired. He seemed a bit surprised as two hours hadn’t even gone by yet, but he walked me to the train anyway. I hugged him goodbye and quickly had the thought, “Well, you’ve already kissed him, maybe it would be weird if you didn’t kiss him goodbye now” –Of course, there wasn’t much time to give it a second thought because my train was about to leave, so I kissed him goodnight and hurried on my way. I was still humored over the idea that he’d really been from some other decade in time, and although I’d never know without seeing him again, I figured it might be more fun to keep it as a sort of mystery novelty idea. I might have just gone on a date with a time traveler. That was a much more fun way of putting it than what the more probably reality had been.
Finding Another “Perfect” Profile
Do you ever find someone “perfect” on a dating website, or rather find that they have the “perfect” profile? You sort of have that invisible check list you run down and you find that their qualifications to date you are off the charts. While you know the guy or girl might be totally different in person, every word they write, and every picture they put up is exactly what you look for on a profile. When you read it you smile and nod along to every line until it seems too good to be true. It usually is in the end, isn’t it? I’ve only found this kind of profile two or three times in all my years on dating sites. Of course, if all had gone to plan after finding them, I wouldn’t have this blog. I wind up excited over the potential, stressed about screwing things up in the conversation, and nervous about getting my hopes too high for some sort of later let-down. A couple of weeks ago I stumbled onto one of those pages, and we wound up in an excellent back and forth conversation. We both seemed to be so perfectly aligned on every topic, humored by each other’s jokes, and just having an overall great flow in conversation. I realized how long it’d been since I’d had a good conversation with someone and how much I’d missed it. It was more than just the basic getting to know you questions, it was stories and anecdotes that made it interesting and real. Just a couple of days into the conversation, I sent my number and said to text me so we could make plans to meet. Just a couple of hours later I got a text, and all seemed well…Until it didn’t.
I’ll spare you the details of most of the he said/she said, but plans to meet went into the works over a two week period with a lot of uncertainty on his side. “I might not be free? I have tentative plans with a flakey friend,” “As of right now I am free Saturday. There may be a work thing going on but I don’t think it’s likely,” and then “I should be good for tomorrow.” In fact the only time I got a “Yeah, definitely!” was when I said “Maybe some time when you’re free.” There were some excuses about work preventing answers via text with days-long gaps in-between. I got the feeling he’d recently met someone else and none of this was truly what was going on. When we were finally locked in with a place and time for Saturday night, I had a bad feeling about it. Sure, I’d been excited about it all week, but something told me I was going to get stood up. I’d been talking to someone okay, yet less interesting on the same dating site, so I hesitantly made plans with him for the same night. I’ve never done that before, had a date with a back-up date lined up in case one fell through, but for some reason it just felt necessary this weekend. I’d spent too many lame weekends in a row pondering what it’d be like to be out on a date again.
Three hours before the date, around the time I’d have been hopping in the shower, I checked into the dating site and sure enough he was on it. Of course, this didn’t mean a lot because I was also logged in, and I’d still been chatting with other prospective dates. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that until you’ve actually met someone and established some monogamous agreement in your relationship, but after already having a bad feeling about the uncertain language he’d been using, I sent a “So, see you there at 7?” final text. That’s when I got the latest story about “some shit going down back home” and how he was out of town, wouldn’t be back for over a week, and sorry for cancelling. Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn’t. It probably wasn’t. Either way, disappointed I sulked some. Why was this “perfect” profile this misleading about the person behind it? I started thinking about the flaws we all have. Everyone we ever meet has them and we’ve just got to find a compatible combination of our flaws. Almost everyone you’ll ever date is someone else’s ex for a reason. The “perfect” person is only perfect to you because you find the combination of their positive attributes and flaws to be flawlessly compatible with your own. Although I wasn’t psyched about my back-up date, I decided not to let the outfit I’d picked out go to waste that night and started getting ready anyway…
[Check Back For Details On The Date I Went On In The Next Post!]
After Vacation Update
Well, no romances were formed on my vacation. When I returned I shot the Canadian guy a text which went ignored. I guess a month is too long in-between a first and second date, and I will just have to find someone who thinks I’m worth waiting for and all that blah blah blah stuff. I have been exchanging messages with a few guys on dating sites recently that have potential at the moment, but seeing as how every date I’ve ever been on eventually wound up, I’m not getting my hopes up. No girls have messaged me lately (as usual) and I haven’t come across anyone I particularly felt compelled to message. I actually wasn’t planning on replying to any messages recently, as I’ve been trying to busy myself with the hunt for a new apartment, but when I discovered the messages I’d received were from men with attractive pictures, I decided it might be alright to meet someone new, seeing as it’s been a while now. I’m not sure if that completely qualifies as simply being shallow, but well of course if they sounded like completely ignorant jerks as well, I wouldn’t have bothered! Oh, and there was of course this lovely conversation I had on one site recently…
Random Guy: happy anniversary babe!!!!!!!
Myself: Message designed to desperately get a reply?
Random Guy: Look at your disgusting frail figure lick my asshole
Myself: Wow what male weirdos this site attracts! Good luck with whatever it is you’re doing on here, I suppose.
[I actually went to my profile, looked at each picture just to double check, thought “I don’t look frail, I look hot, that guy’s nuts!” before typing that reply.]
First Date, A Month Away From The 2nd Date…
A Little Over A Week Ago:
A few days ago I got a message on one of the dating sites, from a guy who sounded totally okay. He didn’t have a profile that I was that excited about, but he looked alright, sounded nice enough, was around my age, and had a couple of things in common with me. I haven’t been on a date with a guy in about 6 months, or with anyone in a few months, so I was thinking it might be time to try out the whole dating thing again. Of course, the moment he mentioned a specific day to meet I stopped replying. I wasn’t even that excited because I still wanted to be on my break from guys, except the idea of someone rather than no one was starting to seem more appealing lately. Then I started thinking about all of the stresses of dating and how much I hate first dates. I quickly pictured how our night would go and just wanted to call the whole thing off. The next day I went back to my “someone better than no one” idea and gave him my number saying I’d probably be free later. After I didn’t hear from him, I made plans to meet up with some friends at a bar. As I was getting ready to go out, he texted me saying he was feeling under the weather and asked if we could meet the next weekend. I told him it wasn’t a problem and in my mind began picturing excuses I might text him to cancel again in a week. I wondered though, if his excuse for canceling was because he had just been feeling as jaded as I am about dating…
Today:
On Friday I guess I was back to thinking going on a date might be a good idea, so I decided to text the guy from the week before and let him know I’d be free Saturday. But, as soon as he suggested 7:30, I started thinking about backing out. I just kept thinking about how awful dating is, and the idea of a first date all over again sounded like the last thing I wanted to do. Then, I finalized the plans and went anyway. It went well! We got a drink and some appetizers, covered all the first date basic questions, and even got a little off topic and dared to break to the “rules” of what shouldn’t be mentioned. We laughed, interested each other, he kissed my cheek goodnight, and I believe I had a successful date. He texted me today and I realized what crappy timing it was to meet someone new. He’ll be away for the holidays, and then I’ll be on vacation, so the next time I’ll see him will be in a month from now. A lot could change in a month, but who knows maybe the timing will be just right when I’m back in the US starting my new year mid-January. Maybe he’ll play a role in a decent chunk of my life…Or maybe he’ll just be one nice first date I went out on and nothing more…Anyway, he seemed to fit all of my basic “qualifications” and physically looked like “my type” -or at least the type I tend to be attracted to time and time again, so I suppose there’s still some potential at this point. I’ll be referring to him as the Canadian, as that’s where he’s originally from and I don’t reveal any real names on here. I have dated another guy who was originally from Canada, but seeing that he’s married now and we haven’t spoken to each other in years, I figure he’s pretty much out of the picture and all confusion will be avoided.
Recently Ignored Messages
Honestly, I haven’t been posting a lot because I haven’t been replying to a lot of messages. Here are a few from my dating site inbox over the last couple of weeks, which I chose not to answer for various reasons…
Random Bald Guy: Hi, love your hair!
[I resisted the temptation to reply with “I bet you do.”]
Random Guy: You look just like this one celebrity, but I don’t know if I should tell you who…
-R
[That’s actually sort of a clever way to get a response. I bet some girls really want to hear who it is.]
Then there were a whole lot of those short, generic, “Hey how are you?” messages of course, and one guy who messaged me a while ago when I’d decided to take a break from guys and who admitted to not reading any of my profile before messaging me. He followed up to ask if I was dating guys again. I basically told him that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone now and that I wanted to “find myself,” figure some stuff out in my life and so on. He replied…
Random Guy: I love that attitude. I was the same way after a bad breakup a few years ago. I think that’s the perfect way to approach dating. You need to love yourself first.
Maybe you and I aren’t so different :)
[I told him I hadn’t been dealing with any recent break-ups, and it was just an in general sort of figuring my life out thing.]
Random Guy: Well let me know if you ever want to grab a drink and talk about it.
[Why would I go on a date because I don’t want to date?]
Random Guy (2 Days Later): Or not haha
Dating Website Conversation #20 & 3/4
You remember this conversation, which was followed by this one? Well, it didn’t stop after that, but I’m finally starting to think that this will be the final part, as I’ve stopped replying…
Random Guy (4 Days After Calling Himself A Hipster): Guess you won’t date a hipster
Myself: Typically hipsters are not a style I find attractive, no.
Random Guy: I landed a date !
Random Guy: It took 2 weeks !
Myself: Good job, takes some people months or years at times.
Random Guy: She’s a Doctor thought not sure we have much in common
Random Guy: She’s so hot I don’t think she’ll be into me
Random Guy: Were gonna go to [EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT CENSORED]
Myself: Have a good time.
Random Guy: Thanks I’m so nervous ! Would you wanna meet up for dessert after as friends ?
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Ok I just showed my buddy [NAME CENSORED] your profile from work he wants to know if you’d give him a shot but he’s not on here really awesome dude
Myself: No thanks
Random Guy: Ok thanks for being my mentor
Random Guy (6 Days Later On Thanksgiving): Wanna get turkey ?
I was going to reply, but…I didn’t? Who invites someone they’ve never met to have turkey on Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t they assume there was some big family dinner with turkey going on, or something? And how made up does his date sound? Isn’t that something they say girls want? “A guy who’s hot and a doctor.” And the whole going to some expensive restaurant for a first date is really not my scene, so if it was an attempt to make me jealous, he definitely further pushed me away. Did he really think after all the times I said I wasn’t interested he was somehow going to make me jealous of not dating him? I wonder if the friend he mentioned even existed or he was just going to meet me pretending to be someone else. Oh and the getting dessert after his date? Yeah, that’s normal. I hope he had fun on his imaginary date. Seriously, sometimes it’s clear why some people are single. Okay, I guess I do hope he actually had a date and it worked out because there is definitely someone out there equally odd as him and it would be nice for them to find each other. I don’t believe there’s someone for everyone in the soul mate sense, but I definitely think there is such a variety of people in the world, that there are good odds there is a combination which works out for nearly everyone to find someone they would be happy with. Though, as I am TiredOfDating, I’m not sure how likely I feel the odds of actually meeting one of those “good fit for you” people are.
Dating Blog Recap
For those of you just tuning in, I thought I’d do a recap in case my dating life picks up again. (Just being hopeful, you know.) I was tired of dating when I started this blog and that has not changed, as I continue to post post-worthy conversations from my dating website inboxes. Shortly after starting this blog, after dating guys my entire life (I’m in my 20’s), I decided to try dating girls around the middle of this past summer. The idea definitely surfaced after developing a crush on one particular girl. I honestly do still have a thing for her, but I’d rather not get into all of that right now. I made a post about it, still under the impression it wasn’t possible for me to like a girl when I’d always identified with being straight, but after admitting the way I felt, I finally saw it as an option and decided to take advantage of that option. Over the last couple of weeks I created a second dating profile to date girls and switched my original profile back from “bisexual” to “straight” to find guys. It makes all the difference as the only messages I was getting when it was set to “bisexual” were from couples looking for a third person, and guys nearly twice my age. I now use both profiles equally, but just this past week I’ve started sending initial messages out to guys again. (No replies, so far.) I had been taking a break from guys, and though I still am for the most part, I’m more open to the idea of dating them again. (Yes, currently having no dating kind of situation with anyone male or female made me expand my options.) Over the last few months I’ve gone on 4 first dates with girls, which went no where. And to keep track, here are some of the nicknames I’ve been throwing around in my posts…
Crazy Girl is a girl who I have not met but who sends me explicit messages which I do my best to reply to and is probably making up some of her stories.
Flakey Girl is a girl who I never met but used to text me all of the time asking me to hang out and then cancelling last minute. I haven’t heard from her in months. She also apparently knew someone growing up who I hung out with in my teens.
Crazy Dog Girl is the girl who said she was Catholic but wanted to raise her dog (who she calls her son) Jewish. We haven’t spoken since our one date.
Band Camp Girl is a girl who I haven’t met yet but was supposed to meet last week, until I asked her if we could switch it to sometime this weekend. We still don’t have any plans set in stone. All I know about her at the moment is that she plays the flute, hence her name. I haven’t really mentioned her before except for in this post.
Switzerland Girl is the girl who was on vacation in the US and we went out one night. I’ll probably never speak to her again, but that’s what I called her. My friend referred to her as “SwissMiss” but I kept confusing his questions with hot chocolate, so the name didn’t stick.
I don’t have nicknames for the other two girls I’ve recently been chatting with on and off, or any of the guys I’ve recently dated. You’ll find their stories throughout my posts, though. The next few months are going to be a little hectic as I’m taking a 2 week vacation out of the country, have been occasionally working a side job as a hobby on the weekend, and have been apartment hunting because I’ve decided it’s time for change, but I’ll do my best to keep updating this blog. My “love life” has also been pretty lame and non-existent as of recently, so I’m hoping to make it a little more exciting again. For other interesting posts I’ve written in the past, please see the “Top Posts” on the side bar of the main page, or feel free to browse through my older stories throughout the Recent Posts, Archives, and Categories.
Dating Website Conversation #18
I have learned that no matter how long you spend on a dating website, no matter what you write on your profile, and no matter how socially acceptable it is to be on a dating website, you will never stop receiving messages from some guys who just want to sleep with you…
Random Guy: Hey you seem like you could be really awesome to hang out with and do more, you up for something “casual?” I don’t think casual needs much clarification.
Myself: Are you a complete stranger sending me an initial message asking if I would like to meet you to have sex with you, though my profile doesn’t specify I’m interested in anything like that? If not, please do specify “casual” with your little quotation marks…I mean did you go with that because “Hello, person I have not met before, I think it would be awesome to have sex with you and I was just wondering if you were up for it?” didn’t have a nice ring to it?
Random Guy: [WEBSITE LINK CENSORED]
Myself: Yeah, I’m not going to click a random link after the above conversation…
Random Guy: yeah well its about social conditioning. google it.
Myself: Meh, didn’t care enough to google it, sorry.
Myself: Oh and no thank you to the sex. Really? Do people not listing “looking for casual sex” on their profile go for that as an initial message? Well, good luck to you…
An October Update
Been a while again. Since the last time I wrote, everyone I’d been speaking to is yet again out of the picture. I created a separate dating site profile to find girls and began using my old profile for guys again. I might meet a girl on Wednesday, but I’m thinking about pushing it to next week. Oh and of course I do still get weird messages…
Random Guy: hey there sex lover !) how is everything going?
Myself: wtf?
Random Guy: Wtf, don’t you love sex or what f is wrong with u )))))
Myself: So weird
Random Guy: Just go
Myself: right…
Still Very Much Single
You know, everything about The Dating Cycle is really starting to frustrate me again. I think at times I just sort of go on pointless date after date, just sort of floating through everything, but right now I’m feeling pretty frustrated again. For one thing, I’m getting about 5 messages a day on these dating sites. Great, right? Nope. They’re all from men with an extremely low match rating to me (I’d never have interest in them) and a lot of them are nearly double my age. This means no one is reading my profile to see what we have in common, or to notice that I indicate I’m currently interested in dating women -and someone close to my age. (I shouldn’t be surprised, of course I know people just look at the pictures –But if you’re about to send someone a message, seriously how do you not even skim their profile first?)
Then there’s the girl from a couple of weeks ago. Let’s go in order:
Girl messages me.
I reply. (We exchange a few messages over a couple of days.)
She asks me to meet her.
I ask when and where.
5 days pass.
I send her some question marks.
She sends me her number and asks if we can switch to texts.
I text her.
She says she’ll be free next weekend.
Next weekend is coming up and she tells me she’s free Thursday instead. (We have a time but not a place.)
Tuesday I ask her where we’re meeting.
She asks if we can switch it to Saturday.
Wednesday I ask her where we’re meeting Saturday.
We discuss an area, but no place or time. (She asks if we can discuss it closer to Saturday.)
Friday night I ask her what’s going on with the next day.
No reply until Monday. (She says she went away for the weekend again and wishes she wasn’t so busy.)
Her last text read, “It’s lonely not having time for people.”
My reply text, “It’s lonely having time and no people lol”
Her reply text, “Okay give me some time and ill give you a person”
My last reply text, “Haha alright fair trade”
(Because what better things do I have going on anyway? I’m really turned off by people being this flakey. It’s really not something I want to deal with especially when it comes to dating. I’m really not expecting to ever meet up with her. But somehow this is the most I have right now. This is boring.)
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
-Movie: Love & Death (By Woody Allen)
Second First-Date With A Girl
So tonight’s date couldn’t have gone that well or I guess I’d still be on it.
First the good parts: She was attractive, nice, dressed very similar to me, paid for my drink, and we could probably be friends.
Now the reasons I’m home by 9 on a Friday night: She said she had to go home to feed her dog. Her dog who she thinks of as her son. I’m an animal person and all, but she told me that she’s raising him Jewish. Mind you she also mentioned she wasn’t raised religious, but her family is Protestant. She bought him a sweater with the star of David, a yarmulke (yamaka), got a menorah to light with him for Hanukkah, and I’m pretty sure she mentioned a restricted (Kosher?) diet. Do I even need to get to the part where she did this annoying “Mmmhmm” thing after everything I said and constantly made me feel like she was looking down upon me? I would probably see her again if she asked me, but I’d steer it in the direction of something more friendly or just physical. I think the odds of us meeting again are slim based on her not ordering another drink, ending the night, and keeping her distance during my hug goodbye. I didn’t get the feeling she was as down to earth and open as I prefer people to be either. I think I was an okay date to her, though. I smiled when she spoke about the time she painted her dog’s nails red and I shared a story about my cats to participate. I probably should have come up with a better answer about what I’m doing with my life, but writing these very words in this blog –Do I honestly have a better answer? Overall it wasn’t so bad, we just didn’t click, just like most of the dates I’ve ever gone on. Time to repeat it tomorrow if that other girl ever gets back to me?
(Well, at least tonight’s was free.)
Dating Website Conversation #15
…And so it continues…
Random Guy: hey, I’d love to get to know you– would you like to meet up sometime for a drink or do something else like going to a museum? I’m not a girl… but guys are cool, too! :)
-[NAME CENSORED]
[“Something else like going to a museum” really sounds like “Whatever I always see girls saying they like on their profile”]
Myself: Sorry, no thanks.
Yeah, guys are cool- but I did the seeing guys thing for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years. I’m taking a break at the moment. Just don’t really have the interest at this time.
Random Guy: K cool :) dont blame u, I’m sick of girls. If I could, I would turn gay haha
[How does he go from asking me out to wishing he was gay?]
On another note, do you remember my post “Relationships On FaceBook”? I have now witnessed someone get engaged on my newsfeed, make a status update about breaking up, then five days later change their relationship status back to engaged with the comment “We’re back together!” We really need to figure out proper FaceBook relationship etiquette these days.
Dating Website Conversations From The Last Week Of July
Okay, the most recent dating website message I received was from a guy who wanted to know my feelings on circumcision. Actually, it wasn’t x-rated, -He messaged me about studies done in the UK and the US and different findings when it comes to health. I told him I was aware some people were for it and some against the practice, but that I really wasn’t interested in having the debate with him. I guess that’s one way to start a conversation, though? He said that he didn’t want to have the debate either, but continued to question my opinion on it as if he was using me as a participant in some research project of his own. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s all it was considering how many miles away in some other state he was. So, the strangeness of these sites continues. (And I do consider myself to be a contributor in the strangeness as well, of course.)
Then there are the guys that seem to mean well and be sincere but come off a little too over the top. Of course your first message should be interesting, but if you’re going to get this deep before I’ve said a word to you, it comes off as a little much. He wrote a long message about “connecting with mind and soul,” having “conversations that induce cathartic emotive transcendence,” and that I was the only one on this “portal” who matched his interests and that he found intriguing. I mean, finally someone sounds intelligent on here- But isn’t there some sort of in-between guy? He’s probably a good guy, but somehow just isn’t my type. He put effort into his message, but I guess sometimes one can still feel turned off -especially if there’s no physical attraction. I think it was the fact that he ended his message with a poem that made me most uncomfortable…
“But all the clock in the city began to whir and chime:
Oh let not time deceive you, you cannot conquer time.
In headaches and in worry vaguely life leaks away,
and time will have his fancy tomorrow or today.”
Then this conversation happened after I’d ignored an uninteresting message from an uninteresting profile…
7/20 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/27 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/30 Myself: Sorry, I can’t reply until you ask me the same thing a third time.
7/30 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How are you doing?
7/30 Myself: Haha, it was a joke…But sorry, I’m not interested anyway.
7/30 Random Guy: Mine was a joke too. Austin powers. Can’t ask me the same question 3 times. Lol.
And it’s looking like it’s going to be a dateless start of August…
(If you’re picturing this guy when reading his message, you’re probably not going to want to date him…)
Do Guys Have It Harder On Dating Websites?
I’m starting to think guys have it harder on dating websites than girls. It’s known that there are more men than women on these sites, so that’s already an advantage for straight women (as far as more of a selection goes), but does it go beyond that? I haven’t done any proper research, but most of the guys I speak to tell me that they get very few replies to their messages, and fewer initial messages from girls. I wonder if it has something to do with the classic “the guy asks the girl out”, rather than the other way around. I think it’s become less of a big deal for a girl to make the first move today, but it seems that most guys are still the ones to approach the girl. -And of course most marriage proposals are definitely still being done by the man as well. Not to mention more women are still skeptical about meeting a stranger from the internet than men fear meeting a strange women. So, some work goes into maintaining the idea that they’re not just some creep.
A male friend of mine recently signed up with one of the dating websites I frequent. He asked me to fix up his profile a little. I spent about three hours logged in as him and was surprised I didn’t get a single message. The ten messages he’d sent out remained unanswered. I also discovered that it isn’t easy to speak highly of yourself and not sound completely cocky, as a guy. After some difficulty with the task, I wound up leaving a sort of testimonial for him on his profile, as myself. It was a sort of experiment. Either girls would be turned off by it, or they’d find it cute and be intrigued that another girl had such great things to say about him. It’s been about a week since that experiment and you know, he’s gotten a few replies to the first messages he sent out, a few new messages from others, and has even progressed one conversation off of the website and into texts. I take most of the credit for getting him to that point on the site –But he’s still claiming some sort of 20% that I’m not sure he deserves credit for from the start ;-) …It’s also not the first time I’ve heard of a girl helping a guy fill out his profile, or a guy making suggestions to a girl about hers. Sometimes I wonder if we’re all just falling for each other’s profiles written by someone else…
In other news…During another night tired of dating websites, I tried fooling around with my search options. I spent some time looking at some 0% matches and you know, it made me pretty happy I’m not with any of those guys. Some of them were just awful and while I still haven’t found whatever it is I’m searching for, sometimes it’s nice to know who I don’t have to end up with. I was also wondering about the guy who wanted a girl who would go out to the club with him every night. Why is he looking for her online? Wouldn’t he have better luck finding her at the club? -Oh, and today I received a message from a guy who I’m pretty sure has tried to contact me a few times in the past. His message wasn’t so bad, but today I squinted at his picture and went “Does he…Is that…” and upon closer inspection, yes that was a puppet on his hand. It could have been the fact that he also happened to be unattractive, but I never knew what a turn off a puppet could be. I just don’t see myself dating a ventriloquist. The picture just made me frown upon coming across his profile. -Does that exist? Different expressions people made upon viewing different dating website profiles in some sort of video? Well, It should exist, anyway.
Still Going No Where On Dating Websites
Well, “Mr. Perfect Profile” turned out to be nothing special after all. He put that easy-going vibe into his profile, but turned out just to be a jerk in his messages. I sent him a clearly light-hearted, joking second message and got back an angry reply. Really? You’re that rude to a stranger, unprovoked? Kind of a real turn off for me. Who are you to snap, “don’t ever contact me again” after I was friendly on a freaking dating website? Seeing him go from “perfect” to unreasonably mean was pretty disappointing –But a good thing to catch so early on. Imagine if we’d actually met! He even got unreasonably defensive stating that he was on vacation and unable to load the website. Funny how he could suddenly send that message with ease, though, huh? It’s like he wanted to make me feel like an idiot about messaging him. Well, sorry dude. You’ve failed. Now I just get to tease you anonymously on a blog you’ll never read. And moving on, yet again…
Then there’s a conversation in my inbox with a guy who insisted on messaging me, though the website has indicated we’re not a good match. When I pointed this out to him he wanted specifics saying he didn’t believe in math when it comes to relationships. I don’t either, but I believe in it when it comes to dating websites. It does half the work for me based on important facts about who I want to date which I’ve fed to it. So, I told him that right off the bat I found that he answered “Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong” to the question “Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships?” completely disgusting. I received a long-winded reply about how it’s just not something he’d want to watch, but that he enjoyed Rocky Horror Picture Show, so this must prove he’s not homophobic. What does any of that have to do with the question?! I was too annoyed to answer him again…And now I feel like I’m going in circles within circles of the dating cycle because I also just had another one of these conversations again…
Random Guy: Where do you get all this money to do so many of these shit? :P Really like the way you edited your profile. More interesting than others. Props for that.
Myself: I don’t have a lot of money, I live my life in pretty inexpensive ways.
Thanks…
I don’t think we’re a good match, and I’m not a fan of the way you speak, though…
Sorry.
So, now I can either go back to scrolling through the thousands of profiles of guys I’m not interested in to find a couple I might be, go back to dreaming as I scroll through lesbians profiles, or start working on my next blog post on some other related topic.
Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?…
You know it’s not going too well on a dating site when you spend an hour scrolling through lesbian’s profiles, and even bookmark a few -when you’re straight, and female. You know, just to know what other options are out there. Now, I’m not one of those attention-seeking girls who sets her profile to “bi” just to pique the interest of certain guys, or who makes out with her female friends at a bar to attract men. I’m really just reaching that point where I’m so tired of dating and so tired of the guys profiles on these sites, I’ve pondered the thought, “Maybe it’s not dating I’m tired of, maybe it’s men.” Could this be the problem? There was that one time I had a crush on a girl, anyway. There was something about her firm handshake and asking if I wanted a drink, but remaining a very pretty girl that confused me. There was even a time I found myself imagining that the guy I was dating wasn’t him, and that it was rather her –during a time you probably wouldn’t be thrilled to know it was someone else your date had had on their mind. I’ve started day dreaming “if only you could just change your sexual preference back and forth just like that…” You know, just for something new. Unfortunately, there’s no switch you can just flick, and suddenly find yourself attracted to someone else. But maybe I’ve always just restricted myself to only dating men, without considering other options. I wondered if it was just the little check box at the top of the site which indicated “straight” that was the only thing standing in the way of any of these girls sending me a message and I wondered what would happen if I switched it…Probably nothing, I’d still be straight and possibly on yet another mismatched date I’d have no interest in. Though, the three prettier girls’ profiles sit in the bookmarks tab of my browser and the curiosity remains…
(Okay, so obviously this isn’t always true…But you get the joke.)
Rejecting Your Rejection
About a week ago I got a message from a guy on a dating site which really wasn’t a bad message. He sent me a well written paragraph about what he felt we had in common, things he found interesting on my profile, and some things he liked. I didn’t have time to reply when I read it, and later went to his profile and found that I really wasn’t interested after all. A couple of days went by and he wrote back…
Random Guy: Now i know why u girls dont respond, because you get nasty rants if you say ur not interested. I’ll tell u what. Lol you would do the same thing (rant) if u send out 50+ with 2 replies. Lol and 1 was a HS friend so that doesnt count. I just dont get it. I’m not sending msgs to models and I dont think my msgs are creepy or anything. What gives? I hope u have some dates lined up and not just declining everyone because u find one thing wrong and ur looking for mr. Perfect. Anyway, thats my rants for the day. I offically quit. Good luck =)
Myself: Actually, I reply to nearly all of the messages I get on here, even when I’m not interested…However, I only do it about once a week. I’m currently dating someone I just met from here, so I’m not interested in meeting anyone new at this time.
And FYI, 95% of the messages I send out don’t get replies. Don’t let it get to you so much.
Random Guy: Lol, I have like a billion things to say to that but its just going to come across all negative so I’ll spare us both and say…..Thanks =)
His first message now sounds like it came from someone else entirely. He thinks the girls on these sites aren’t as attractive as models and therefore we should respond? I’m happy I didn’t respond now that I saw what a jerk he turned into a moment later. -And what is with saying he had “like a billion of things” to say to my reply that would have been negative?! Yeah, I could come up with a bunch of random insults too, but I didn’t need to make him aware of that.
I replied to this message before going on my second date with intellectual-conversation-guy which I figured I’d mention is not happening again. I made up my mind that the dating vibe wasn’t there, but he was a nice guy so I made a sincere attempt at asking for friendship with him. I know, I know it’s such a line to say “let’s just be friends” but seeing that we’d only met each other twice, had had such long conversations, and got along with each other, I thought it’d be weird to just never speak again. But he wasn’t interested in my proposal and then actually tried to turn it around like he was the one rejecting me. I got some sort of apology and we’re not right for each other reply. Hey, you can’t try to reject me after I’ve already turned you down, it doesn’t work that way! After his last text, “Glad we can both be mature about this” I was even further assured I had no interest in him and suppose I’ll have to start the dating cycle from the beginning yet again. At least this time I didn’t get very far into it before returning to the start. I want someone fun again this time. Geez, I’m upsetting guys left and right lately.
More Dating Website Conversation Fails
Well, this is the last of what I could find skimming through the old messages in my dating website inboxes…Besides a few old conversations saved in some word documents, this will probably be the last post of my old conversations. After this I guess it’ll be newly exchanged words, and my opinions and experiences in the world of dating…
Random Guy: hey :)
[5 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: do you like little boys or something?
[…What?!]
Random Guy: Hi! Where in [CITY CENSORED] do you live?
Myself: A [NEIGHBORHOOD DESCRIPTION CENSORED] area
Random Guy: Ok, I think I know where that is. I’d love to meet and chat.
[In my city there are at least 4 well known neighborhoods fitting my description. 30 minutes later…]
Random Guy: I’m also a bad, non kosher, pork eating Jew.
[An hour later…]
Random Guy: Don’t worry, I’m circumcised
[And this is where I officially stop replying.]
Random Guy: I will keep it short and simple. I read your profile. Pretty Interesting. I think you are creative and attractive. By the way, you look great. I have a question for you??
Myself: Thanks, but I’ve yet to find I have any interest in someone with under a 70 or 80% match rating with me on this site.
[After reading up on this site’s algorithms and skimming through profiles over the last few years, I’ve found that I never have interest in someone with a 20-40% match rating. This person was in that range. It’s designed to work accurately enough. Of course you might like someone with a 72% match over someone with a 95% match in real life –But there’s still a huge difference between someone with a 20% match and an 80% match to you.]
Random Guy: Haha. Don’t trust this site to match you. This is cheap site created by few horny guys. That’s the fact.
Myself: Have you read about the math behind the matching? Have you read the articles they posted about what the % means? And that is not a fact because I actually know two people working for the site and that is false about both of them. I don’t think “Oh this person is such a good match for me because of their %” -I’m not an idiot. However, I have YET to find someone I’m even SLIGHTLY interest in who doesn’t have a % over 70. This is because the way people on the site answer their questions generates that %…Well, I’m not going to go into it too much, you can just read about it as I did if you’re interested.
Random Guy: This is all bull. It’s easy to fool regular people like you. Have smart life in future.
Myself: Yes, I’ve been completely fooled by your poor English I was so attracted to. Good luck finding a fuck buddy on here. Good news for you is that people with a close match % to yours will probably be into you as well. Good luck =)
[The “fuck buddy” part was referring to something from his profile…And the fact that he believed it was just “horny guys” controlling the site.]
Unanswered Dating Website Messages
I’ve been going through the old messages in my inbox and I came across a few I never replied to from a couple of years ago…
Random Guy: peek aboo I see you
[…If that’s not creepy as a first message on an online dating website, I don’t know what is.]
Random Guy: I’m awesome. You’re awesome. Let’s make awesome babies… woah woah hold on young lady. Let’s take it slow and get to know each other first. Me + you + frisbee + banana split, let’s do it
[…What?]
Random Guy: I found your profile interesting. I am not sure why; perhaps because it is well-written, and because you seem to have such a clear idea of who you are and what you want.
I don’t know if you’re still seeing someone, but I am, so I’m not looking for a date. Just a little conversation, and maybe a friend.
Anyway, our tastes do differ on many things, but I got a sense that we share something more essential in common, and might get along. And, of course, conversation is more interesting when you disagree now and then….
I love cats; my girlfriend and I have two, and we talk about them all the time.
[…We have nothing in common and you have a girlfriend, but you’re messaging me when my profile indicates I’m looking for someone to date.]
Random Guy: You are ridiculous.
[…Okay?]
Random Guy: re you having a fun night? I’m pretty new to this have you been on here for long? I definitely noticed a few freaks so I’m going to like this!
Anyway I liked your profile and if you like mine then message me back. If you didn’t like mine let me know what to change so at least I can get it perfect!
[…Because that’s what I want, someone who will design their profile to be what I’d like to hear and nothing like them.]
Random Guy: Hi !
I took the time to read your profile. Nice job…lol..Took me 3 years to read it :P. And I can understand some people may think you are picky or t2 specific but I think you just know what you want and that is rare nowadays.Let’s hang out. I think we could be great friends.We have many things in common.
[NAME CENSORED]
[NAME CENSORED]
[NAME CENSORED]
[10 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: I can tell you that the type of guy you look for.Is using a website like this :). And I am not talking about my self. Well……Maybe……Only a little bit… JA ! I mean if not, how would you expect to find it here O.o ? just being a bit Philosophical. :P
[NAME CENSORED]
[The next day…]
Random Guy: So you don’t wanna say hi ??
[A week later…]
Random Guy: [MY USERNAME CENSORED] indeed.
Dating Website Conversation #9
Skimming through old messages I found this conversation from a couple of years ago. I’m really surprised I even responded!…
Random Guy: Okay, so listen, I’ve gotta ask — are you really as ticklish as you look?
Myself: I am not ticklish at all. I was as a kid, but then it went away for some reason.
Random Guy: can’t be. you must still have some spots. fess up
Myself: Nope, none.
Random Guy: you’re too cute to be completely non-ticklish… sorry, i still just don’t buy it. here’s the $64,000 question — does being tickled make you feel submissive?
Myself: It really doesn’t do anything to me.
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.
Dating Website Inbox
I don’t have a great post for you today because I’ve actually been enjoying most of my recent social interactions again, but I’ll still leave you with something. Oh, and apparently people only like to read blogs with pictures, so I’m going back through my posts and adding pictures to some of them for you.
I love how original some of the messages I get on these dating sites are…
Message From [FIRST NAME CENSORED]115: Hi my name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Really? I’d have never guessed that from your username.]
Let’s continue scrolling through my inbox of unanswered messages from this past week…
Random Guy 1: Gi
Random Guy 1: Hi
[Seriously? Who makes a typo in a two-letter-word message to someone they’ve never sent an e-mail to before?]
Random Guy 2: Hi how are you tonight?
Random Guy 3: hi!!!
[Because the exclamation points make it original, right?]
Random Guy 4: Hey what’s going on??
[May I remind you these messages are (the first) e-mails in an inbox on a dating site. NOT from the use of a chat program on the dating site.]
Random Guy 5: Heyyy!! How are you doing? :)
Random Guy 6: Hello
Random Guy 7: Hello. My name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
Random Guy 8: Hey how are you? You seem fun so I wanted to say hello! Got anything good planned for your weekend? –[FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Hey, look at you adding a second question…]
Random Guy 9: Hey
Random Guy 10: Heyy I just bumped into your profile and found it pretty interesting. . do you mind chatting?
[Yes, I mind. That’s why you didn’t get a reply. See, you didn’t even need to ask the question to find out the answer!]
Random Guy 11: Hey how are you doing tonight ?
Random Guy 12: Hey how are you ..? I would definitely like to get to know you better ..so get back to me :-)
Random Guy 13: Hey
[That last one came in as I was posting this…]
I should point out that I didn’t post four messages which either said some version of “you’re sexy” or a short description of themselves which could also be found on their profile. But that is 4 out of 14 nearly identical messages…
So, if you’re a guy actually hoping for a reply to your initial message to a girl on a dating site, keep in mind that this is probably what her inbox looks like already and try to come up with something a little more interesting.
Dating Website Conversation #8
I’ve got another great example of why I’m tired of dating…The intellectual-conversation-guy hasn’t replied in days and if that wasn’t disappointing enough, my inbox’s recent messages have been replaced with the following conversation from someone else…
Random Guy: hello how are you beautiful
Myself: I’m alright, thanks.
I don’t think we would be a good match, though.
Good luck on your search here.
Random Guy: Oh thank u don’t break my heart now lol
Random Guy: You look amazing Poole are exiting when they saw you …with that elegant body well we can be friends if you Like it
Myself: No, thank you.
The way you write is really unattractive.
Random Guy: Ok I’m sorry I have to be ones with you I have some family problems and was on bad mood that’s why I talk with you unattractive
Random Guy: :(
Myself: It’s the grammar that bothers me.
Random Guy: I’m sorry but do not have a lot of years here
Random Guy: Well you probably born here but I came here lol
Myself: That’s understandable, but being on a dating site (which requires you to write messages) might not be the best place for you to meet people then.
Random Guy: Ok can just call me if you can or text my Internet it is very slow [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: um, no thank you. I’m not interested. Like I already mentioned, I don’t think we’re a good match. I just think it’s rude to ignore people, even on here, so I was just letting you know. You’re not the type of guy I want to date.
Good luck, though.
Random Guy: Ok lol bey
Random Guy: Ok thank you
Oh man, I should call him, record it, and take these posts to a whole new level! (Not quite there, yet…)
And seriously, who’s on 56k in this day and age anyway that they can’t even click “Send” on online dating site message?
I wonder if some girls are as persistent when turned down as some of these guys are…
—Great news mid-posting (bad news for substance in my posts here)— Intellectual-conversation-guy has just replied after a long awaited 4 days!
(Or let’s just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking…)
Dating Website Conversation #7
My dating website profile specifies that I am looking for guys in my age range (20’s), without children. Of course everyone else on the website is taking it as seriously as I am. Here is today’s winner, a recent message I haven’t replied to…
Random Guy: hi [MY USERNAME CENSORED] :)
I’ve been on here for less than two weeks and I think I’ve signed in twice! But your profile just came up as I was venturing into my first search and I enjoyed reading your witty responses and also thought that your photos were fabulous! So…..it would be great to chat sometime of you are interested….my profile is deliberately sparse so I’m [NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED], 41 years old, 5 10, originally from England, came to [CITY CENSORED] in 2010 via Canada. I’m 100% honest and upfront and that means declarations now! Lol never married, 12 year old daughter in Canada who I visit twice a month, I’m employed, never done drugs, never cheat and am sane, positive and easy going :)
I’d love to hear from you soon :)
[NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED]
Sometimes I’m not incredibly shocked, disgusted, annoyed, or amused by the messages I get, they just make me sigh…
Dating Website Conversation #6
Well, it was getting late tonight and I was starting to think I wouldn’t have anything at all for this today. I reactivated one of my old dating site profiles a little earlier, because you know, you never know. Though, I definitely feel like this one is one of the crummier sites. We’ll see! Anyway, it’s not much but at least I got something. It’s mostly just me being silly again towards yet another guy I have no interest in, though. Sometimes I think it comes off as a little more mean than completely honest…
Random Guy: Hi beautiful forever are u doing i see u online can we chat if u don’t mind
Myself: Nah, it’s possible you find me attractive at this moment, but it’s pretty unlikely I would be beautiful forever. Most likely as I age, as all humans do, I will become more and more unattractive. I will gain wrinkles, lose hair, get all saggy and whatever. Of course, one can remain beautiful on the inside -though it seemed like you were making the comment directed at physical attractiveness as you attached some pictures of yourself to this message. Thank you for your compliment, however I’m going to decline the invite to chat with you. I do mind because I’m not interested and I don’t want to. Have a great night and good luck on this site!
Dating Website Questions #2
I skimmed through some old messages to find those I’d politely declined conversing with. I found the guy who had me so disgusted with men/humanity I actually took a shower because I felt so awful being reminded that there are people like him in the world. His profile angered me and there wasn’t a single answer he gave to one question which I would’ve preferred hearing. From insignificant to important topics, I disagreed with or was upset by each of his answers. He actually chose answers to every question I ever thought “who would even ever choose that answer?!” about. Here are a few of the random questions and his answers…
Dating Website Question: Gay marriage –should it be legal?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Assume you have a homosexual friend who is the same gender as you. Would it bother you if they hugged you?
Random Guy’s Answer: Only if I thought the hug was more than friendly.
Dating Website Question: Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Is anything in life more important than your own self-interest?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Which describes you better, cool-headed or warm-hearted?
Random Guy’s Answer: Cool-headed
Dating Website Question: Have you been faithful in all of your past relationships?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever lead someone on romantically just for fun?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Have you ever told someone that you loved them when you didn’t?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Are sex and intimacy the same thing?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Would you honestly answer any question concerning your sexual history that a partner might ask?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever lied to a partner about your sexual history?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Is there such a thing as having had too many sex partners?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Do you believe that men should be the heads of their households?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Some religions are more correct than others.
Random Guy’s Answer: True
Dating Website Question: Do you leave the lights on after leaving a room when they are no longer necessary?
Random Guy’s Answer: Usually –This isn’t very important.
Dating Website Question: Do you attempt to conserve water, energy or other resources during your everyday life?
Random Guy’s Answer: No, I don’t care
Dating Website Question: On average which best describes how often you get wicked drunk?
Random Guy’s Answer: Twice a week or more
Dating Website Question: Could you live the rest of your life without drinking alcohol
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Are you a genius?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Are you a good liar?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
…At least this extremely dishonest sounding person was honest in his dating profile answers?
(Though, I think the same thing could be said about a lot of girls.)
Dating Website Conversation #5
Here’s a very short correspondence I had with someone on a dating website nearly one year ago that I was never sure about how to react to…
Random Guy: Well hello… this may sound a bit silly but I love your nose :)
Myself: That’s a pretty odd line.
Random Guy: It’s true however :)
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.
Dating Website Conversation #1
Today I made note of how rude it feels when someone ignores your message on a dating website, so I’ve decided that I will do my best to respond to every message I receive, even when I am not interested. Please note that in this conversation I only started to sound condescending/pretentious when I was frustrated they continued to speak in such an ignorant way after I’d politely expressed my disinterest. I really don’t normally sound so annoying. Expect a bunch of posts to be like the following conversation I just had:
Random Guy: hi baby
Myself: Sorry, you have been mistaken –I’m actually a fully grown adult. Good luck in your search for someone on here. I’m not interested. Have a good day!
Random Guy: Pretty interesting message , I like the way talk .
How about we go to a interesting Restruant in [LOCATION CENSORED] , I guess u will like it .
Myself: I’m not a fan of your grammar, no thank you.
Random Guy: Maybe u will be one day , u never know..
Okay how about max brenner
U don’t have to thank me , just say yes
Myself: This conversation is an extreme turn off.
Random Guy: But I am enjoying it
Random Guy: Don’t be too picky honey , u still have chance to meet me
Myself: I assume you’re enjoying it because other people often ignore your messages. I think it’s rude to ignore someone even on here, and am trying this experiment where I actually politely turn down those I don’t have a spec of interest in, rather than completely ignoring them.
No, thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Random Guy: Hahaha quick question r u bisexual.
Random Guy: I think u only like girl ,
Myself: Bisexuals like both men and women. If I was only interested in women, I would be a lesbian and it would be indicated above, rather than listing me as “straight.” Unfortunately, I’m only interested in well educated men -Though this still qualifies me as being straight.
Random Guy: I just took a nap , I am going out for a caffe , I think u should join and trust me I can get any girl I want I have every thing a girl need
Myself: It’s good you have acquired such a large amount of self confidence. Hopefully you will find someone unlike me who is attracted to that sort of cockiness. Good luck.
Random Guy: Ur very judge mantel
Myself: I believe you were going for “judgmental” and one example of the term is someone who assumes another’s sexual orientation based on their disinterest of one’s own grammar and level of confidence.
Random Guy: U judge people without even knowing them , trust me it will not take u any where
Myself: I don’t judge people without knowing them. I judge who I’d like to meet in person from a dating site based on what they choose to write about themselves on their profile and in their messages. I don’t belittle you as a person. I acknowledge that you have expressed you lack multiple qualities that are important to me personally, in a relationship.
Random Guy: Yes you are right miss [USERNAME CENSORED] , I were going to say judgmental*
Do u think when America people speak they follow grammar ,
Can u please leave this stupid grammar thing
Random Guy: Ur last message make seance to me but I am totally different in person .
I am not in to All this online dating site but I thought it will help me make some new friend but u not helping it
Random Guy: I am very busy with my business , I am just looking for someone with who I can spend some good time , go for caffe , movie , shaping , food , drinks , I think I need a good friend who I can shear my everything
Myself: Yes, when most people would like others to acknowledge their intelligence, they speak and write properly. It’s generally a good indication of their education, though there is definitely room for exceptions. This, however is unrelated to someone being an American. I’m sorry, but it’s my personal preference that I’m uninterested in dating someone with such poor grammar and I’m entitled to that. I wish you luck in finding someone who doesn’t mind the way you write/speak.
Random Guy: Write and speak hum
I guess I know how to cray a conversations
Myself: No, I am not helping you make friends on this site because I am not right for you and I urge you to find someone more compatible. I’m only replying because I don’t think it’s right to ignore someone. I personally find it irritating when someone corrects my spelling in casual conversation, however you may really want to be careful with yours. I really don’t think you’d like someone to shear your everything.
Random Guy: Okay fine if u don’t want to then don’t replay me , I am not a 2 years old boy who will cry on the corner when he can’t get something he want. I am honest guy with good heart .
I am not desperate to find someone here , I don’t play no stupid game to get girls. I am a open book.
I respect u that u were being very nice to me .
Random Guy: And yes I will shear my everything with that person who I can trust .
Random Guy: Oh one more thing
Ur a wonderful person
…I’ll let him have the last word. -But I really don’t think he’ll continue to trust the person who shears his everything! –Er…And if English was just his second language he should’ve made that clear, though I still hold the right to personally not find it attractive when it comes to dating.
…Man, I need to get a life!
Introductory Post & Disclaimer
Hello Readers!
Like many people, I’m tired of dating. I’ve created this blog to vent my frustrations and share some anecdotes of my experiences in the world of dating. I hope to make light of some of the interactions I have in my dating experiences and experiments. My goal is to feel united with others involved in the same struggles as myself and perhaps offer them the same type of comfort/closure. We’ll see where it goes from there!
Let me please preface this by stating that I admit I am by far not the perfect date
and have just as many flaws as the next person. I plan on remaining anonymous
and ask that those who know who I am respect my anonymity as well. I also promise
that I will never expose anyone’s real name/username in my entries or provide
information which may lead to their exposure. Though, I do plan on making fun
of situations and conversations, let me be clear that it is not my intention to
cause any emotional stress or harm to those I write about or quote. I respect
those individuals I speak of as people, and by no means do I feel overall superior
to them. I truly wish them all the best of luck in their own dating endeavors and hope
that if any of them were to stumble across this they would not be deterred from
any future relationships. I sincerely apologize in advance for anyone who I may
upset in these entries.
Please refrain from negative comments and know that I do not regularly go trolling the internet for my amusement at the expense of others. Also, please note that I was never the first to begin any of the conversations I share from my online dating experiences. Any time in which I may come off as mean, please keep in mind that I’m a good person who’s just extremely frustrated.
