Should I have at least thanked him for the compliment?

Maybe I was a little bitchy here, but I was bored and hadn’t replied to any messages in a while…
bitchymayvbe

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Dating Website Conversation #20 & 1/2

I knew this conversation from a few days ago ended too well. I think the fact that I reply when I’m not interested really just encourages them. I should stop giving them so much hope. The last few days he has continued to message me…

Random Guy: I keep getting rejected should I feel bad or ugly or just not good enough ? I sent out like 50 e mails
Myself: No, it happens to everyone on here. Just make sure your messages are more than just a sentence, mentions something that interested you from their profile to show you read it, and asks them a question to give a reason to respond. If you’re sending initial messages like the one you sent me to everyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if you never get a reply. These sites aren’t the same as meeting someone in person and you need to be a little more creative to get a response. Most girls inboxes on here have 40 messages that say “hi what’s up?” “hey, how are you?” “hi” “hey” “hello, i’m so and so” and so to stand out, they’re going to have to see an interesting message that they’re intrigued by.
Random Guy: But it’s so hard to read every profile and right a paragraph . I just look at the pictures at this point
Myself: Then you have no right to complain or stress over your message return rate. If you’re not putting in the 5 minutes of effort to skim someone’s profile and write them a couple of sentences, you can’t expect them to do the same for you. Messaging someone based on their pictures alone might work if you’re both only looking to hook up with someone, but if you’re not actually skimming through what they write, you might be wasting your time messaging 30 people you wouldn’t be interesting in dating anyway. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone only looked at your pictures and didn’t read your profile -and for the most part those people (including myself) ignore those kinds of messages. I don’t even usually bother going to their profile when I get those kinds of messages, so it doesn’t even matter what they may look like or have written.
Random Guy: Oh well I read yours twice
Myself: Not that hard, huh? Keep reading, there are a lot more girls out there.
Random Guy: I was in [NEIGHBORHOOD CENSORED] last night
Myself: Yeah, good to go out.
Random Guy: Ya I’m hipster

[Okay, this guy does not know what a hipster is and can this conversation be over yet?…]

Skim Profiles Before Messaging

Tired of all of the messages from people I’d have no interest in (messaging me after looking at my pictures without glancing at my profile), I decided to call them out on it. Here are a few of the conversations…

Random Guy: hey, i’m [NAME CENSORED] :)
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: its a few things. first, very few girls actually respond back, if you take the take the time and read all the profiles, you’ll never get to talk to anyone. second, physical attraction is like 90% of what guys look for first.
Myself: Nothing wrong with physical attraction, but like you said -FIRST-
Once the decision to message someone has been made how do you guys not even skim the profile? Mine’s long -I don’t at all expect anyone to read every word (though once in a while some people do) but how does anyone not even skim it? I mean people who you’d never get along with in a million years messaging you…And yeah, about girls responding -TELL ME ABOUT IT. As I mentioned on my profile for anyone skimming, I’m currently interested in dating a girl, not a guy. 95% of the time you never get a reply.
[He actually clicks on my profile now, because of course he didn’t notice my mention of dating girls.]
Random Guy: well if they message back, ill read the profile. I just thought you were really cute :) You’re not open to a guy at all right now?
Myself: And what if you don’t like what you read on their profile, just ignore them like they always do to you?
Thanks.
Nope, I’ve been with them for [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years and I’m taking a break. I just don’t have the interest at the moment.
[Why should we “waste” our time reading these messages rather than them “wasting” their time skimming a profile first?]
Random Guy: nah, i think actually talking to someone is a better way to get to know them. it’s not a job interview haha. well i’m sorry to hear a beautiful woman like you has no interest in my gender. after reading your profile, i think we’d actually get along good :)
[Get along “good” or “well?]
Myself: Well yeah but there are so many people not worth talking to on here. It’s not real life. It’s a tool used to weed out those you wouldn’t have an interest in and find those you’d like to meet and get to know in real life. You’ve even admitted you start speaking to people completely based on their appearance. How does it suddenly change to an importance in getting to know someone if their appearance is most important?
Yeah, I guess I’m just bored/tired of dating guys. I believe it’s temporary and eventually I’ll probably date a guy again, just not any time soon.
Random Guy: well good looks can only keep a guy interested for so long. i’m hoping to find someone that keeps my interest.
Myself: So skim the words they write before you message next time =)
Good luck
[And really what’s with the extremely short, boring messages? I’m expected to read through their profile when they didn’t read mine and can’t put in the effort to write a decent message?]

Random Guy: hii there
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Why u saying si?
Random Guy: So
Random Guy: Just said hi
Random Guy: :)
Myself: Because I’m getting a lot of messages from people who wouldn’t be a good match for me. I’m not sure why I should read through them all when they’re not even skimming my profile before deciding to send their messages…
Random Guy: you gotta used to have such kind of messages here
Myself: Sorry, I don’t even understand what you’re saying. …Which is what I mean, on so many levels it doesn’t seem like we would be a good match, yet you’ve still sent me a message.
Random Guy: you know what kind of web sited it is right?
Myself: Yeah, this website is a search engine right? It works like google. I can use it to research my favorite celebrities, right?
Random Guy: :)
Random Guy: you funny
[Damn, I was really hoping he’d fall for my playing-dumb joke]
Random Guy: it is pretty hard for you to find your match over here
Myself: Which is why I don’t understand why I should waste even more time speaking to people who clearly aren’t a good match for me. It’s hard enough, why should I read through messages of bad matches who didn’t even skim through my profile when I could be spending my time speaking to/searching for a more compatible match? (And the person messaging me could be doing the same.)
Random Guy: good bye beautiful
Random Guy: have a nice fishing
Myself: Yep, you too.
[Wow, for once I didn’t have to be the one to end the conversation!]
Random Guy: i am [NAME CENSORED] by the way
[Damn, I guess I spoke too soon.]
Random Guy: nice to meet you
Random Guy: are you from [CITY CENSORED]?
Myself: Yeah, I am.
Good luck with your search on here!

Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: half the time no one reads my profile so y should i
Random Guy: they are surprised that im cheap even though it says so on my profile
[Wait, what?!]
Myself: Why should someone else spend the time reading your message if you didn’t even skim their profile? What makes your time more valuable?
Random Guy: exactly
Myself: So because someone didn’t read your profile, how does it seem fair to message someone else and expect them to read your message when you didn’t even skim that person’s profile?
Random Guy: dont know. ask the person that wrote the profile
Myself: That’s ridiculous. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: ok
[Someone trying to get the last word in?…]

Random Guy: Heyy
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Idk
[Ha! Short, simple, over, done.]

Random Guy: Hi I’m [NAME CENSORED]. How’s it going?
Myself: Hi,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Hmmm. Not really sure.
That mimics real life though right?
Myself: But that’s the thing. This isn’t real life. This is something used to find people who you’d like to meet in real life. One can notice attraction first, but how do you guys not even skim a profile after you’ve made the decision to message someone?!
Random Guy: I’m not really sure. How am I supposed to answer for a population of users that I probably don’t have all that much in common with?
Myself: So I guess you’re just yet another guy who messaged me only seeking friendship, after reading on my profile that I was currently interested in dating girls and not guys?
Random Guy: Well your profile is long. Do you really expect everyone to read the entire thing while contemplating whether or not to message you? I knew things you liked, didn’t like, media you prefer… All before saying hello.
But because I didn’t read the one line of a hundred that you wanted me to I’m the asshole?
[It’s in bold, with a star in front, and on its’ own line. If you just quickly skim my page, it’s hard to miss. It actually used to be in bold in three other sections as well, and still went ignored.]
Right. It’s the fault of the worlds population of men. We’re pigs. Nevermind that your profile contradicts itself. Great attitude.
Myself: Of course not. I never intended for anyone to read all of it which is why I said SKIM it.
I have been getting a lot of messages from people who would never be compatible with me & nearly no messages from those who would be.
You called yourself an asshole, not me. I simply asked why so many guys aren’t even getting any idea of who I am as a person & sending me messages based purely on attraction so much of the time. I put things in bold so that someone could skim my profile and in 5 seconds focus on what they’d need to know when it would come to dating me.
Again, you called your gender pigs, not me.
Good luck with your search on here =) …Maybe your appearance first, profile later approach will work with someone after all.
[He got extremely defensive and it went on for a while after that. It’s not really worth posting the whole argument.]

So, I guess it’s just me reading the majority of someone’s profile after skimming their page, looking at their pictures, and deciding to send them a message…

Message With Caution

This is a lesson in making sure you haven’t already met the person you’re about to message on a dating website…

Not-Actually-Random Guy: Hey there. Your profile caught my attention. Hope that you’re having a relaxing weekend. Feel free to say hi :)
-[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: The one from jr high or something?
Not-Actually-Random Guy: Sure. How you been? I’m exhausted. Working in the ER overnight in [CITY CENSORED]. FML.
Not-Actually-Random Guy: As silly and cliche as it may sound, you are my kinda girl [MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN CENSORED]. Your profile sounds like a mirror image of mine.
Myself: No I mean aren’t you the dude that went to I think jr high with me…
Not-Actually-Random Guy: You do look familiar now that I think about it. Head barely working. How’s it going?
Not-Actually-Random Guy: I wish I remembered your name. Have we spoke recently?
Myself: We were FaceBook friends for a while and then you deleted me after some time of messaging me a lot about how we would get along because I was a [MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN CENSORED]. You last spoke to me at the beginning of this year saying your fiancé left with your cat and that seeing pictures of my cats made you miss your cat. You said I was pretty and asked why I was single, but I wasn’t interested. Also, FYI I’m still not interested, as I mentioned on my profile here I’m currently interested in dating girls, not guys. But I wish you luck finding someone on here =)
Not-Actually-Random Guy: Ah, I remember now. It was something you said that upset me. Anyway, I’ve forgiven and forgotten.
Sure, best if luck in dating women. They are tough! But if you would like to hang out sometime just for fun, lets do it. I could use some friends
Myself: hm. Yeah, I read through the conversations. It’s you asking a bunch of questions about my cats, me saying I’m not interested in dating, and you trying to convince me of the importance of astrological signs. That’s about it haha.
Thanks. Hope you find someone as well.
Not-Actually-Random Guy: So you’re not interested in being friends either.  Fair enough. Peace
Myself: No, it’s just how I told you on FaceBook -If someone expresses interest in you at the start, it’s too awkward to be just friends.
[Pretty sure what I said that “upset” him was turning him down all those times he asked me out. Anyway, if he deleted me from FaceBook, he couldn’t have been that interested in being friends with me.]

Guy Who Can’t Give Up

You remember my post about “Clingy Guy”? Well, he must have seen a picture I posted on my dating website profile from an event I went to recently and sent me this message…

Clingy Guy: Did you see me at the [EVENT CENSORED]??? I didn’t see or recognize you!
Myself: I didn’t

I’m so relieved he said that he didn’t see me and I didn’t run into him there! I was really hesitant to even answer him, but I figured if I gave a really short, negative response, it might give a hint that I didn’t want to continue the conversation. Although, this was the guy who was never able to take a hint. But seriously, it’s been eight months since that one time I met him, how can he still be speaking to me as if that’s totally normal?!

On another note, I also received this message…

Random Guy: Hello [MY USERNAME CENSORED],
I just wanted to say your profile was well written and worth the read. I know you are only looking to date girls right now so I just want to send good vibes and positive energy your way.
Cheers,
[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Thanks =)

I thought that was nice. It’s a refreshing break from the usual…Hoping I can utilize some of those good vibes and positive energy soon.

Dating Website Conversation #14

It can get tiring sending out messages and never receiving replies. Everyone with a dating website profile eventually gives in to some copy & paste messages. After you spend time personalizing long, well thought out messages, coming up with unique words for each you send, just to be ignored time and time again, you start writing generalized messages which can be sent to anyone again and again. Just remember to avoid looking like a fool when you send the same message to someone twice or say you’ve read someone’s profile when you haven’t. I personally like to keep my copy & paste messages sounding unique and always add at least one or two personalized lines when I give in…

Random Guy: hey how are you? my names [NAME CENSORED].
I read your profile & it seems we have a lot in common. So i figure to tell you a little bit about me…
I am an assistant teacher & i work with kids/teens who have autism. currently im studying to be a child psychologist but in the mean time to pay bills I help teach kids who have autism.
Hopefully Ill hear back from you & we can chat.
take care
Random Guy:
hey how are you? my names [NAME CENSORED].
I read your profile & it seems we have a lot in common. So i figure to tell you a little bit about me…
I am an assistant teacher & i work with kids/teens who have autism. currently im studying to be a child psychologist but in the mean time to pay bills I help teach kids who have autism.
Hopefully Ill hear back from you & we can chat.
take care
Myself: You should be more careful about copy & pasting this message to people without reading their profile. You sent me the same message a little over an hour before this one. -And if you did read my profile, you’d have noticed I said I was interested in dating girls at this time, not guys. Good luck on your search.
[No surprised, he didn’t reply again.]

Still Waiting

Well, 25 messages to girls later and only one replied –to tell me she wasn’t interested. Though, at least her message was pretty genuine and friendly. The girl who sent me a message never replied again either. I guess my next attempt will be at a bar. And my inbox continues to fill with messages from guys I’m not interested in as usual…

Random Guy: hey how are you
Myself: I’m alright, but that doesn’t matter, you weren’t actually asking. -You asked that with the same tone that every cashier ever asked you with. You know, where they don’t actually care about your answer and you give them the fake “Good.” Your message could’ve been “f98rjefe” it was just to see if you’d get a reply and not anything you really put any effort into or thought about.
Anyway, you’re just another one of those people who went to my profile, looked at my pictures, read half of one sentence from my profile, and completely missed the part that said I’m interested in dating girls at the moment, not guys.
Random Guy: Ok have fun

Random Guy: Hi,
My name is [NAME CENSORED].
I am looking for a good relationship with a nice girl.
I am shy, funny and loyal.
Please text me a message to know each other.
Have a lovely day
[PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: Sorry, as I mentioned on my profile. I am interested in dating a girl at this time.
Random Guy: Thank you for your message
[So, do you think he sent this message to every profile he came across? Maybe he thought he’d get a random text in front of his friends and he’d say, “Its from this girl I’ve been talking to.”]
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