This is a lesson in making sure you haven’t already met the person you’re about to message on a dating website…

Not-Actually-Random Guy: Hey there. Your profile caught my attention. Hope that you’re having a relaxing weekend. Feel free to say hi :)
-[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: The one from jr high or something?
Not-Actually-Random Guy: Sure. How you been? I’m exhausted. Working in the ER overnight in [CITY CENSORED]. FML.
Not-Actually-Random Guy: As silly and cliche as it may sound, you are my kinda girl [MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN CENSORED]. Your profile sounds like a mirror image of mine.
Myself: No I mean aren’t you the dude that went to I think jr high with me…
Not-Actually-Random Guy: You do look familiar now that I think about it. Head barely working. How’s it going?
Not-Actually-Random Guy: I wish I remembered your name. Have we spoke recently?
Myself: We were FaceBook friends for a while and then you deleted me after some time of messaging me a lot about how we would get along because I was a [MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN CENSORED]. You last spoke to me at the beginning of this year saying your fiancé left with your cat and that seeing pictures of my cats made you miss your cat. You said I was pretty and asked why I was single, but I wasn’t interested. Also, FYI I’m still not interested, as I mentioned on my profile here I’m currently interested in dating girls, not guys. But I wish you luck finding someone on here =)
Not-Actually-Random Guy: Ah, I remember now. It was something you said that upset me. Anyway, I’ve forgiven and forgotten.
Sure, best if luck in dating women. They are tough! But if you would like to hang out sometime just for fun, lets do it. I could use some friends
Myself: hm. Yeah, I read through the conversations. It’s you asking a bunch of questions about my cats, me saying I’m not interested in dating, and you trying to convince me of the importance of astrological signs. That’s about it haha.
Thanks. Hope you find someone as well.
Not-Actually-Random Guy: So you’re not interested in being friends either.  Fair enough. Peace
Myself: No, it’s just how I told you on FaceBook -If someone expresses interest in you at the start, it’s too awkward to be just friends.
[Pretty sure what I said that “upset” him was turning him down all those times he asked me out. Anyway, if he deleted me from FaceBook, he couldn’t have been that interested in being friends with me.]