Just pay attention to the dates in these messages and reconsider not deleting messages in your inbox for this reason…
So, here’s another weekend bitterly single and replying to messages of those I’m not interested in on dating sites…
There’s an option to increase your message storage on OkCupid and not have to worry about deleting old messages to send new ones. This is what it looks like when you don’t have the increased message storage and you send a message to someone who does (-And you’re extremely persistent, pay no real attention to those who you message, have no originality in your messages, are sending a message to someone who has a 0% match to you, and the person you’ve messaged isn’t planning on answering you…) Side Note: Check out the month the Christmas wishes were sent.
Continuing my recent trend of only having conversations that go no where on a dating site, here’s another…
The lack of romance in my life seems to be making me rather bitter these days. Most of the conversations I have on dating sites lately are similar to this one, if I even dare to answer…
Usually I’m not this bitchy…But I was in a crappy mood and I’m checking my messages on dating sites and I see this message. Why would your initial message be an insult? How could this dude possibly expect me to react positively to a message asking if my interests have turned me into a “crazy” person, and then try to play it off as a serious question. I was also surprised at how defensive he became considering I just glanced at his profile picture and quickly thought of a return insult without even clicking on his profile. Apparently it was a sensitive topic for him. What I really don’t understand is that a week later (tonight) he sent me that last message on the bottom. (I haven’t responded.) It’s not the first time I’ve ended or ignored a message only to have someone start the conversation new a week later…even when the previous messages are sitting right above it.
I definitely have a couple of anecdotes to share from some bar hopping adventures, but I haven’t been writing because I’ve been feeling less “free” on this blog. I shared it with a couple of friends, (and probably some “friends”) when I first started it and have now begun to censor myself more than I would if it were fully anonymous. I’ll do my best to keep it up, but may have to make some adjustments to keep this blog at my comfort level. To be honest, I almost deleted the entire thing not that long ago, before deciding it wasn’t necessary. As far as the dating sites go, I sort of abandoned a few conversations I felt I was forcing myself to have, but of course the silly messages still occur every now and then –Here are two recent examples:
Random Guy: You’re adorable, so adorable in fact that I’ve decided I’m going to adopt you as my new little sister! Don’t worry, we’ll spend all our time climbing trees and drinking kool-aid. Actually you seem like a cool person, I’d love to get together sometime and let you cook for me haha.. Wait! You’re not crazy, are you!?
Myself: uh..Yeah, I am crazy. But I’m sorry, you seem a little crazier than me anyway and I’m not interested.
Random Guy: Well. Say you were with someone, and you liked them, but you wanted to treat it as something more casual. Then you find out he’s not circumcised. Would you prefer to switch to “just friends”? Versus if you were actually dating someone you really, really liked and wanted a serious relationship?
Myself: Have you messaged me before about something similar? If you haven’t, it’s really f*cking weird this is the second time someone has sent me this kind of message…
[His account was deleted after this]
Well, that was a first. Yesterday I got a message from a guy on one of the dating sites. I could tell he wasn’t really my type, but he was cute, intelligent, and interesting enough. We exchanged about four messages describing our jobs, what we do in our free time, etc. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he’d thought it over and realized we should probably try to meet different people on there. Is it really possible to break up with someone you’ve only spent a total of maybe 20 minutes speaking to and never met? I replied to the last few things he mentioned to round off the conversation, agreed that we probably weren’t the best match and wished him luck. But it was just strange because I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’ve somehow been dumped. I didn’t say anything so out there, ignorant, or cruel. I’m really just sort of confused as this has never happened before. I spend so much time shaking off those I’m not interested in, I guess I never really thought about someone doing it to me, so early into a conversation that was going well. I guess most of them usually just stop replying out of the blue when they decide they’re not interested, but to get a message that says “Maybe we just need to both keep looking” -I suddenly feel just about as bad as you can feel getting dumped by someone you didn’t know for more than a day and hadn’t developed any feelings for. I guess that isn’t so bad, but at the same time it doesn’t feel great when you’ve already been somewhat lonely and down. Maybe it was just the way he phrased it that made it all too familiar, and stirred up feelings of being dumped in the past. Sometimes it’s like I’m reliving certain moments, though the present situation may have little to do with my past.
The continuation of my non-existent love-life…The most recent message in my dating site inbox:
Not Exactly Random Guy: Hi there how is it going, I’m [NAME CENSORED], so tell me how is your experience so far on this site. Please read my profile, get to know me, and I hope to hear back from you.
Myself: [NAME CENSORED], we went to highschool together.
We have a pretty low match percentage lol
I thought you were with someone last I knew, sorry to hear it didn’t work out. Hope you’re still having a good time with the [HOBBY CENSORED] stuff!
Good luck on here! =)
He was always kind of creepy. Sometimes I wonder how they don’t recognize me, especially when we’ve been friends on FaceBook. It just further proves that people send out mass messages and don’t even pay attention to who they go to…Even I’m not that desperate (yet?)
Calling them out on it…
Random Guy: Hi you are beautiful how are you? Xoxo
Myself: Sorry, I prefer messages with more effort that suggest the person did more than glance at my pictures before messaging me. I’m not interested. Good luck on here! =)
Random Guy: Lol
Random Guy: Hello! Didn’t we talk a while back? I apologize if I didn’t message you back, I kinda got frustrated with this site and haven’t been on much recently. Anyway, I would love to get together sometime!
Myself: ..That was a year ago……
I guess if you don’t receive a reply on a message you send out on a dating site, just give it a year or so! On a rare occasion I’ve gotten a reply on a message I assumed would stay ignored, a few weeks later. There was one girl who replied a few months later…But 11 months later?! I looked back in my inbox and it appears our conversation stopped at my last message asking which weekend he was free. His most recent picture wasn’t as attractive either, so I wasn’t really psyched when I received this message a few days ago. There goes my bit of shallowness coming out again.
Well, no romances were formed on my vacation. When I returned I shot the Canadian guy a text which went ignored. I guess a month is too long in-between a first and second date, and I will just have to find someone who thinks I’m worth waiting for and all that blah blah blah stuff. I have been exchanging messages with a few guys on dating sites recently that have potential at the moment, but seeing as how every date I’ve ever been on eventually wound up, I’m not getting my hopes up. No girls have messaged me lately (as usual) and I haven’t come across anyone I particularly felt compelled to message. I actually wasn’t planning on replying to any messages recently, as I’ve been trying to busy myself with the hunt for a new apartment, but when I discovered the messages I’d received were from men with attractive pictures, I decided it might be alright to meet someone new, seeing as it’s been a while now. I’m not sure if that completely qualifies as simply being shallow, but well of course if they sounded like completely ignorant jerks as well, I wouldn’t have bothered! Oh, and there was of course this lovely conversation I had on one site recently…
Random Guy: happy anniversary babe!!!!!!!
Myself: Message designed to desperately get a reply?
Random Guy: Look at your disgusting frail figure lick my asshole
Myself: Wow what male weirdos this site attracts! Good luck with whatever it is you’re doing on here, I suppose.
[I actually went to my profile, looked at each picture just to double check, thought “I don’t look frail, I look hot, that guy’s nuts!” before typing that reply.]
This conversation occurred on one of the dating sites about a week ago…
Random Guy: Well based on your television and comedians list we have basically the same sense of humor. Louis CK is amazing.
Also, I’d love to see more mermaid pics of you.
[I’m in a costume in one of my profile pictures.]
Myself: Louis Ck’s great.
Yeah, whenever people mention that picture I find it kind of creepy…Like more of my skin is showing in it than in my other pictures…Or were you actually interested in the entire costume which can’t even be seen in the picture? I actually spent about 12 hours making the costume. It was my first time sewing -it’s actually made of 2 or 3 scarves I got at a 99 cents store. But no one would know that from the picture.
Random Guy: Aw, I’m sorry if that was creepy. It’s not that more of your skin was showing, it’s that I’m really into animal girl costumes – mermaid fins, cat ears, wings, tails, etc. (of course that might be a creepy thing to say as well, pretty bad first impression)
Myself: uhh, yeah that’s definitely creepier.
Random Guy: Oh well, sorry I brought it up then.
So, any interest in getting coffee with me sometime?
Myself: meh…probably not really.
Random Guy: Understandable. Thanks for responding even after I was weird, good luck on here.
Myself: eh, that wasn’t so bad. I think everyone’s weird and weird is better, but you can’t start off with that initially because it signals the bad kind of weird, you know…But I make that mistake a lot, which is why I don’t mind so much.
It’s mostly that you’re a little younger than I’d prefer to date men.
Myself: Good luck to you too.
Random Guy (4 Days After Calling Himself A Hipster): Guess you won’t date a hipster
Myself: Typically hipsters are not a style I find attractive, no.
Random Guy: I landed a date !
Random Guy: It took 2 weeks !
Myself: Good job, takes some people months or years at times.
Random Guy: She’s a Doctor thought not sure we have much in common
Random Guy: She’s so hot I don’t think she’ll be into me
Random Guy: Were gonna go to [EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT CENSORED]
Myself: Have a good time.
Random Guy: Thanks I’m so nervous ! Would you wanna meet up for dessert after as friends ?
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Ok I just showed my buddy [NAME CENSORED] your profile from work he wants to know if you’d give him a shot but he’s not on here really awesome dude
Myself: No thanks
Random Guy: Ok thanks for being my mentor
Random Guy (6 Days Later On Thanksgiving): Wanna get turkey ?
I was going to reply, but…I didn’t? Who invites someone they’ve never met to have turkey on Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t they assume there was some big family dinner with turkey going on, or something? And how made up does his date sound? Isn’t that something they say girls want? “A guy who’s hot and a doctor.” And the whole going to some expensive restaurant for a first date is really not my scene, so if it was an attempt to make me jealous, he definitely further pushed me away. Did he really think after all the times I said I wasn’t interested he was somehow going to make me jealous of not dating him? I wonder if the friend he mentioned even existed or he was just going to meet me pretending to be someone else. Oh and the getting dessert after his date? Yeah, that’s normal. I hope he had fun on his imaginary date. Seriously, sometimes it’s clear why some people are single. Okay, I guess I do hope he actually had a date and it worked out because there is definitely someone out there equally odd as him and it would be nice for them to find each other. I don’t believe there’s someone for everyone in the soul mate sense, but I definitely think there is such a variety of people in the world, that there are good odds there is a combination which works out for nearly everyone to find someone they would be happy with. Though, as I am TiredOfDating, I’m not sure how likely I feel the odds of actually meeting one of those “good fit for you” people are.
And it’s back to receiving the crappy messages that make me sad about humanity. Okay, he wasn’t so bad, but in this day and age it really shouldn’t be so hard to at least make yourself sound intelligent…
Random Guy: Hi,I’m [NAME CENSORED],Pr,Rest in [CITY CENSORED],I like the profile its a Very Good Read & Great Showing,You seem like Someone Real to Know & I Dnt See that hpn Much,Your Hair Is Beautiful,I Only Date Weedsmokers,Definitely Would Love To knw you better,Hit me up Whenever you like,Love The Eyes & Hair,Godbless
Myself: Sorry, I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck on your search on here
Random Guy: Ok sweety,bt next time read the page, I notice you didn’t even bother to look
Random Guy: You shouldn’t go on the numbers the pages gives you
Myself: I just couldn’t date someone who types/speaks that way, personally & based on a lot of the answers you gave to the questions on here, I don’t think we’re very compatible. Just not my style/type, whatever you want to call it. Good luck on your search. The numbers on here don’t mean everything, but they do give you a decent place to start in trying to find someone. You’ll find someone more suitable for you =)
Oh and I guess he’s right, I should at least give his profile a chance, right? I’m checking it out now, as I’m about to post this and you know, sometimes I really get the urge to breech my policy on keeping the anonymity of the people I post about on here, but I guess I won’t give in yet. Seriously, though this guy’s message sounds a lot better than his profile. He described the way he looks even though he has pictures up. There are paragraphs describing details about his daughter, preferences during sex, types of kisses he likes, oh and I love the part about not messaging him if you don’t understand English. I can’t believe he considers most of what he wrote to be in English! He leaves vowels and spaces out at random places because I think he actually believes it makes him appear cool. That makes me sad. I will also never understand why a guy thinks writing a creepy paragraph about himself, and literally 3 pages about his perfect woman will attract her. Honestly, after reading most of it, I really don’t have any clue as to why he messaged me in the first place. He also writes, “I know My page will either be one of the better pages you’ve read or for some Worst.” I’m scared for humanity because I actually believe that “sentence” and it’s depressing that some people really will find his profile attractive. Plus, he is raising a daughter! I mean, I know I’m not perfect but…C’mon! …*sigh*
Alright, this was probably the conversation in which I was least able to understand/follow with a guy nearly twice my age. It’s really just weird more than anything. I would think it was some kind of robot, like the kind of comments I get in my spam on this blog, but the profile actually seemed pretty legitimate. I mean, it was also pretty strange, but looked like someone actually wrote it. Most of it wasn’t about him, but rather the types of women he has apparently met from the site (as if that was important) and was also written in sentences that didn’t quite go together. It was kind of like some of the fortunes you get in fortune cookies when they’re badly translated. Yet, all of it was still somewhat relevant to each section of the profile and really gave the vibe of an actual strange person more than internet bot. Do you know what he was possibly talking about?!…
Random Guy: No
For a moment your mind thought this pony is like a cat. But, it’s a pony. You can’t take it home because you would understand when it came time to change the liter box. Then you would think-WOW! NOT A CAT!
Myself: I don’t understand your message, but you’re older than what I’m looking for. Sorry.
Random Guy: You are younger than what I am looking for. Sorry you don’t remember the pictures you post.
Myself: Okay, good luck on your search…
Random Guy: Oh my god. Do you know I get 150 visits per week. I had deleted your emails because I am low on space. Because I get so many replies, the uninteresting have to go. Space space
Myself: Yeah, that’s an average number on here. Alright, goodbye.
Random Guy: Oh my god- you again? You don’t have to believe the facts. Your mind is stuck in paradigm blindness. “how can this ugly troll claim be true?” There is no way for an average clueless guy. For me, yes. I never follow conventional rules in anything. Most rules are setup as barriers to serve some special groups. Everything to me is just a problem space seeking innovation. I checked for you- 131 this week. I meet women on and off line all the time. You are the last to view my profile within today’s time frame and the 25 below you are all Hot. Ages 25 to 40. I date doctors, I bet a few of your professors also, and artist.
Hey is the problem you are somehow trying to disprove facts. This is not my subject experience, but social reality.
You are still in your social display phase with boys. Seeking someone you can display to your social circle and friends proving your social sexual value to others and self.
I am Also NOT a pony, well maybe.
Random Guy: Here, not hey
And I also most forgot-I am short!
Random Guy: and I am weird.
Stop liking me.
I swear I am going to jump
[Yeah, about the time I assume my replies are just encouraging him to reply.]
Maybe it was some new robot a notch above the others…But you should see the profile, it really didn’t seem that way, though it was consistent with his writing-style for the most part. Do bots correct themselves like that, saying what word they meant to type?…
I have learned that no matter how long you spend on a dating website, no matter what you write on your profile, and no matter how socially acceptable it is to be on a dating website, you will never stop receiving messages from some guys who just want to sleep with you…
Random Guy: Hey you seem like you could be really awesome to hang out with and do more, you up for something “casual?” I don’t think casual needs much clarification.
Myself: Are you a complete stranger sending me an initial message asking if I would like to meet you to have sex with you, though my profile doesn’t specify I’m interested in anything like that? If not, please do specify “casual” with your little quotation marks…I mean did you go with that because “Hello, person I have not met before, I think it would be awesome to have sex with you and I was just wondering if you were up for it?” didn’t have a nice ring to it?
Random Guy: [WEBSITE LINK CENSORED]
Myself: Yeah, I’m not going to click a random link after the above conversation…
Random Guy: yeah well its about social conditioning. google it.
Myself: Meh, didn’t care enough to google it, sorry.
Myself: Oh and no thank you to the sex. Really? Do people not listing “looking for casual sex” on their profile go for that as an initial message? Well, good luck to you…
Been a while again. Since the last time I wrote, everyone I’d been speaking to is yet again out of the picture. I created a separate dating site profile to find girls and began using my old profile for guys again. I might meet a girl on Wednesday, but I’m thinking about pushing it to next week. Oh and of course I do still get weird messages…
Random Guy: hey there sex lover !) how is everything going?
Random Guy: Wtf, don’t you love sex or what f is wrong with u )))))
Myself: So weird
Random Guy: Just go
The weird things guys say in their attempt to get a girls attention continue. Here’s a conversation from a couple of days ago…
Random Guy: Hey,
If you & I were together they would call us Beauty & the Beast …and when someone calls you beast I’ll beat the hell out of them!
I was just looking at your profile and I liked what I saw so I want to get to know you better. You have beautiful eyes & a gorgeous smile!
Write back to me & let me know what makes you smile.
Talk to you later
Myself: um…Thanks. As my profile indicates I’m looking for someone female at this time, though. Sorry.
Random Guy: well I can wear high heels and tuck it back if you are interested lol
Good lick I mean luck with that
Myself: Good luck with your search on here.
So, today I got a message on the dating site from some a girl in Switzerland who will be visiting my area for a week. Though I didn’t think we seemed too compatible I agreed to meet her this weekend because I figure nothing long term can come of it either way, and even if it goes horribly she’ll be out of the country within a few days. It’s not really like me to do this type of thing, but this is what happens when you’ve got nothing going on dating-wise. Oh, and as promised here’s a short conversation from the other night…
Random Guy: Ouch…….damnit!! When I saw your pic I passed out and hit my head on the keyboard!! So I’ll need your full name, number and name of your modeling agency for insurance reasons *shakes fist*…..but I’ll settle for a coffee or drink sometime hehehehe ;)
Myself: I have no idea why I’m showing up in your search results. I’m looking for someone female under 30, sorry.
So, Saturday’s date never happened. No big surprise there. She was extremely flakey when we were trying to schedule a meet up, so I was mostly expecting her to flake out again. And of course after the way Friday’s date went, I don’t think I’ll being seeing her again. …So, I suppose I’m back at the start again, (again, again, again, again.) So, let’s look at the promising messages in my inbox today!…
Random Guy: Hey there me an my girl are looking for a partner she is 35
Myself: No thanks, I’m not looking for couples.
Random Guy: What are you looking for
[Because you will suddenly be able to be whatever I’m looking for?]
Myself: A girl under 30 to date/eventually have a relationship with.
[Okay, so maybe I’m not that strict with age and would date someone 30, but he doesn’t need to know that]
Random Guy: What about a guy
Myself: Nope, did that for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years, taking a break from them at this time.
Random Guy: Ok I’m single the girl I’m wit is just a friends we have sex sometimes
[Oh, well then that changes everything, why didn’t you say so in the first place…]
Myself: Yeah, not what I’m interested in.
Random Guy: Ok but
[No! No but’s! This is not a situation where a “but” fits in! We’re done here!]
Myself: Good luck on your search!
Random Guy: You to if you wan to have fun let me no
[Yeah, you’ll be the first person on my mind if I decide I “wan to have fun”]
Random Guy: Hi. How are you? [NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Hi, I’m alright. Interested in someone under 30 and female, though.
Random Guy: Ok. I know someone who fits that desperation. But let me check with her first.
[Uhh, what are you like a salesman? Oh, you need a size 4? I think I have a size 4, let me check!]
Myself: Thanks, but I’m just gonna stick to finding them on my own.
Random Guy: Lol. Ok. No worries. Good luck.
Besides having two dates for this weekend (provided they don’t cancel or stand me up) I’m feeling like things are going slow again and I’ve had less to write about. Here, have a look at some recent conversations from my dating site inbox…
Random Guy: How do they come up with this enemy percentage? I mean, does 45 percent of you hate BIG belly laughs until your cheeks are WET from happy tears?
Myself: What?. ……..
And, it’s based on the answers you give to the questions on here. I have found the match % is usually pretty accurate as the people with lower match %’s end up being those you’d have the least interest in.
[He had an extremely low match % to me]
Random Girl: interested in watching?
Random Girl: me and my girl having sex…
Myself: No thanks, looking more to just date someone
Random Girl: gotcha
…And so it continues…
Random Guy: hey, I’d love to get to know you– would you like to meet up sometime for a drink or do something else like going to a museum? I’m not a girl… but guys are cool, too! :)
[“Something else like going to a museum” really sounds like “Whatever I always see girls saying they like on their profile”]
Myself: Sorry, no thanks.
Yeah, guys are cool- but I did the seeing guys thing for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years. I’m taking a break at the moment. Just don’t really have the interest at this time.
Random Guy: K cool :) dont blame u, I’m sick of girls. If I could, I would turn gay haha
[How does he go from asking me out to wishing he was gay?]
On another note, do you remember my post “Relationships On FaceBook”? I have now witnessed someone get engaged on my newsfeed, make a status update about breaking up, then five days later change their relationship status back to engaged with the comment “We’re back together!” We really need to figure out proper FaceBook relationship etiquette these days.
So the silly messages I reply to on the dating websites when I’m not interested continue to form silly conversations…
Random Guy: I just stared at your profile for 30 minutes trying to think of what to say to get you to say “take me now, daddy” and this is the most I’ve had to work for a girl.
Myself: Girls really reply positively towards messages you send like this?
Random Guy: yes.
i’m [NAME CENSORED], and this is my cat
[LINK TO CAT PICTURE CENSORED]
what’s your name?
Myself: That’s surprising.
Guess I’m not one of those girls.
Not really interested in sharing my name either, I don’t think we’re a good match.
Random Guy: they know it’s a joke. i don’t think i’m old enough to pull off being called daddy.
i actually didn’t think we were a good match either. but i made this profile when i was looking for something else. now when i see your profile, i don’t know, things just seem to make more sense.
Myself: Well, I have a better sense of humor & I’m not interested.
Also, since you were paying such close attention to my profile, I suppose you just decided to ignore the part about how I’m interested in dating a girl at this time?
Random Guy: it’s condescending to say you have a better sense of humor. and your profile says looking for guys and girls who like bi guys.
[He probably meant to type “girls” instead of “guys” at the end.]
Myself: I said I had a better sense of humor as a way of saying I didn’t find your joke funny. My profile says “At the moment, I’m interested in dating girls, not guys.” (which is an exact copy and paste.)
Random Guy: Different =/= better
Myself: Right, but I phrased it that way to express that I wasn’t a fan of the joke…
[But seriously anyone who thinks that line from a stranger is funny and feels intrigued to hear more can’t possibly have a good sense of humor.]
Okay, the most recent dating website message I received was from a guy who wanted to know my feelings on circumcision. Actually, it wasn’t x-rated, -He messaged me about studies done in the UK and the US and different findings when it comes to health. I told him I was aware some people were for it and some against the practice, but that I really wasn’t interested in having the debate with him. I guess that’s one way to start a conversation, though? He said that he didn’t want to have the debate either, but continued to question my opinion on it as if he was using me as a participant in some research project of his own. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s all it was considering how many miles away in some other state he was. So, the strangeness of these sites continues. (And I do consider myself to be a contributor in the strangeness as well, of course.)
Then there are the guys that seem to mean well and be sincere but come off a little too over the top. Of course your first message should be interesting, but if you’re going to get this deep before I’ve said a word to you, it comes off as a little much. He wrote a long message about “connecting with mind and soul,” having “conversations that induce cathartic emotive transcendence,” and that I was the only one on this “portal” who matched his interests and that he found intriguing. I mean, finally someone sounds intelligent on here- But isn’t there some sort of in-between guy? He’s probably a good guy, but somehow just isn’t my type. He put effort into his message, but I guess sometimes one can still feel turned off -especially if there’s no physical attraction. I think it was the fact that he ended his message with a poem that made me most uncomfortable…
“But all the clock in the city began to whir and chime:
Oh let not time deceive you, you cannot conquer time.
In headaches and in worry vaguely life leaks away,
and time will have his fancy tomorrow or today.”
Then this conversation happened after I’d ignored an uninteresting message from an uninteresting profile…
7/20 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/27 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/30 Myself: Sorry, I can’t reply until you ask me the same thing a third time.
7/30 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How are you doing?
7/30 Myself: Haha, it was a joke…But sorry, I’m not interested anyway.
7/30 Random Guy: Mine was a joke too. Austin powers. Can’t ask me the same question 3 times. Lol.
And it’s looking like it’s going to be a dateless start of August…
So, I just had this thought “What if I stop getting horrible messages on these dating websites and have nothing to write about on my blog?” …Oh what a silly thought. Just 10 minutes later I log in to find the all time lowest rating match for me has messaged me. Why he would bother when we’re clearly not right for each other, I don’t know –Maybe just to give me something to write about! He knows… I’m skeptical of the legitimacy of his profile, but after a few google searches I’m starting to think this could be for real. Either way, it’s worth a laugh…
Random Guy: Pumpkin Head You Seriously Need to Tone Down the Cuteness! ;)
Here I am looking for average next door gal types with 4 kids and a hubby and I end up with a gorgeous long haired gal like you. Some things in life just aren’t fair. Ha ha ha!
Seriously I’m looking 2 things…a gal who can show me both her sassy and sweet side…while wanting to be a proper lady at work and in the streets and a wild cat when in my presence. Oops! That’s 3 things. Can you help me with any of the above? Actually I want it all Suga! Give me all you got and more…ha ha ha!
Yes both my lines were come one lines…So come on…Check out my profile…If my bad intentions arouse you…then you know what to do. If not, it’s been a pleasure meeting your profile and best of luck!
Mr. [NAME CENSORED] ;)
Myself: Thank you for your message.
Sorry, I’m not interested.
Random Guy: Don’t be sorry I’m not. Lol
Random Guy: But hey best of luck…I won’t need any! :-P
Random Guy: Quick response huh damn ur good lol
Myself: I was logged in when I got the message.
Now I know I don’t normally post people’s profiles on here, but maybe just one more exception this time? He did send me the message after all –and with all that artificial confidence how could he mind?!…
Random Guy’s Actual Dating Website “About Me” (& My Commentary, Of Course):
I’m Into SNL..Come Have a Laugh on Me! NO I’m Not All Fun and Games..Read On! ;)
I know the exact type of woman (umm I mean Lady ;) that attracts my interests.
My Alpha Caveman (animal instincts) only gets turned up like a wild lion strutting in the jungle roaring like a wild passionate steed overlooking the meadows and seeking a woman that posses these two very rare but wanted qualities, which are equally important to me. A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun
[See, this is why my immediate reaction was “fake profile…”]
A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun (think Kelly Cuoco). It’s rare. Yes I’m willing to except flaws (I have a bevy of them). I find it very appealing to be in the presence of a gal who is comfortable being called on their B.S. and is willing to tolerate and respect the challenges I throw at her and vice versa when I’m a dodo brain. Personally, I take it as a blessing that girls can’t get one over on me because of their looks. Sad with most guys they can. LITTLE SECRET: I used to let women’s looks effect me, but I no longer think with just my big ego but with my big brain. 97% of the time I’m a solid guy and 3% of I’m a big pain-in-the-ass. Aren’t we all ;) I’m hard core when it comes to respect and not using excuses. Aren’t you? Hope so. To be honest I have to feel two things about you once I get to know you. I have to feel like I want to throw you up against the wall and make mad passionate love to you. The other side I have to feel like you can keep up with my quirky sense of humor and engage in pillow talk with me like me caveman. A woman that is comfortable being a woman in my presence will win my protection; as I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you like my favorite stuffed animal. I definitely want a looker, but I definitely DON’T just want a looker. I want the rare personality that is not average thinking, not generic, overly neurotic, overly serious or prudish (or any bit prudish for that matter) like most others…uggh. It takes a strong independent woman to just say the hell with it and go for it. Meaning the next step. Not what you thought (but yes what ya thought at the same time). I’m open, but my dukes are up. I have been hurt in the past. Haven’t you. I hope not, but you probably have been somewhere, unless you’re extremely blessed.
So, who am I looking for?
[Because he didn’t already mention this 100 times?]
A girl who just read the above and agrees with me whole-heartedly. A woman who’s not afraid to show me her two sides. The naughty and nice. FOR SOME REASON A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF MEN SEEM TO THINK WOMEN DON’T LOVE SEX (you women are smart you have them fooled) I wouldn’t have it any other way :) I especially love women who are princesses in the street and wild cats in the sheets (meaning NO GAMES….and yes her being comfortable with me having selfish intentions–ladies you have them too. lol). A woman who can be an intelligent leader at her job, get things done, but can be a lady at home is very sexy. If you’re a looker great, but I’m generally open. I’m not going to lie to you. I do go for the hour-glass figure types, athletic types and girl next door types like most guys. I’m a sucker for Adrianne Curry nerdy eccentric and little professor types. I find many of them have a fun wild side that they’re waiting for the right guy to bring out of them. Like they say, it’s always the quiet one’s you need to look out for. Ha ha ha! If you wear glasses great; they’ll come a time and place where you’ll take them off for me.
Yes I like to joke around, makes life fun in between work. Being a dating coach is tough business
[…He’s..a dating coach? Haha What?!]
(long story, and I’m single because I’m a picky bastard
[Really, I didn’t notice!]
..as I would hope you are too. lol). I also have a life style management business and I run a sports memorabilia shop on the side.
My attitude towards people and the world is. Whatever happens happens. Let the chips fall where they may. This way of thinking is much healthier. Who knows? I may even be taking home my new best friend, which could be you. No high pressure boring dinner, coffee or movie dates. I’ll have you talking and thinking about things you haven’t thought about in years. Whatever it is..trust me, it’ll be fun and definitely interesting. Ok, random time (as if it hasn’t been) Quick note on my family life. Love pops/mom, although they drive me nuts sometimes. Asking and telling the same questions and stories over and over again..grrr GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY IN MARCH, I LEAVE THIS ON HERE IN HER HONOR. I just didn’t have the heart to take it out. Kinda keeps her alive to me somehow. About grandma love her to pieces, except when she’s cranky(you have no idea) :( she’s 90. I go there once a week to help her. I sweep, mop, laundry, food shop.)
[You have something written on your dating website profile to honor your grandmother? Is that really appropriate? This is the best place/way to do that sort of thing? Who was this woman?!]
Next subject. Huge animal lover. No I don’t have any pets. If you don’t like animals it’s best we part now. People who don’t like animals scare me. PASSIONS: Seduction, Intimacy, the Female Brain/the Male Brain, Self-Development, Spicy Food, Comedy, Social Dynamics (human communications).. Psychology, Human Behavior etc. I’m studying Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. So I’ll be your Superman and protect us from the bad guys not you my little Wonder Woman.
[Yes, this is pretty much the only place he actually mentions anything about himself.]
First Date (I Don’t Actually Do 1st Dates….lol)…I don’t put limits on 1st dates…I would hope you wouldn’t either.
Oh did I forget to say what exactly I’m attracted to?
[No, you just wrote an entire essay about it!]
I know I’m very vague in the presence of beauty. Stop it right now! You’re so distracting me. Let’s see. Relatively tall (5’3″ to 5’11”) Sexy very curvy voluptuous women size 4-14 yes it’s a broad range but if you’re fit and firm..hips..J.Lo booty that says “Hello Fella” and winks I’m a gonna be smiling. Also slim women I find attractive too, as long as they are petite but too petite (more than 108 pounds). [He did NOT just give exact height and weight requirements for a woman, did he?]
I also go for young chicks with athletic builds and I also like sexy cougars with attractive lifestyles. By the way..shhhh..I do have a soft mushy side.. beep beep.. I don’t show this mushy side right away. I have my Bitch (Bastard) Shield up. Don’t most of us? :)
What I would love to do upon meeting you, twirl you around gracefully like a little ballerina and have you fall into my arms looking passionately into my eyes..If I catch you of course. lol…laughing and giggling like a little girl because you feel so safe and secure within seconds of meeting me (shut up.. yes I like the corny romantic stuff sometimes).
[Are you saying “what the fuck?” as much as I am at this point?…]
I hate having to put this in here but I’m doing it to screen out women who have nothing but pretty looks to offer but no depth. Warning I’m a game playing hound for women who play “Head Games” Gals who like to just collect guys in case the ex or new guy doesn’t work out need not apply. READ THIS: Playing Hard to Get…Will make me want you LESS and other gals MORE. If you’re attractive think how many guys chase you. Did you forget it goes the other way? ;P I guess you can say I’m one of those guys that “GETS IT” “THE GAME” What I’m saying with all this tough talk?? lol.
Bonus points to those who truly get this next point: Life, human connection and true presence is way more than GAME..The only game or actually games I play are who can be the most REAL and who can give off the best energy. The BEST Game is NO GAME at all. THE END!
Looking for: short-term dating, activity partners, casual sex
What was that- 5% of his profile was about him? The other 95% was a very drawn out description of who his perfect woman is. It’s as if he believes she’s out there, going to read his profile and message him like, “Hey, that’s me! Doesn’t matter who you are!” -And if only I posted his pictures…He’s got one of him and some woman with the caption, “My lips look juicier.” I’d also post the answers he gave to some questions, but I think you could guess them based off of his “About Me.” I really hope this turns out to be a fake profile. Or maybe I hope he’s real…because I’ll always know whoever I eventually end up with could never have been as awful as this dude.
Well, this is the last of what I could find skimming through the old messages in my dating website inboxes…Besides a few old conversations saved in some word documents, this will probably be the last post of my old conversations. After this I guess it’ll be newly exchanged words, and my opinions and experiences in the world of dating…
Random Guy: hey :)
[5 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: do you like little boys or something?
Random Guy: Hi! Where in [CITY CENSORED] do you live?
Myself: A [NEIGHBORHOOD DESCRIPTION CENSORED] area
Random Guy: Ok, I think I know where that is. I’d love to meet and chat.
[In my city there are at least 4 well known neighborhoods fitting my description. 30 minutes later…]
Random Guy: I’m also a bad, non kosher, pork eating Jew.
[An hour later…]
Random Guy: Don’t worry, I’m circumcised
[And this is where I officially stop replying.]
Random Guy: I will keep it short and simple. I read your profile. Pretty Interesting. I think you are creative and attractive. By the way, you look great. I have a question for you??
Myself: Thanks, but I’ve yet to find I have any interest in someone with under a 70 or 80% match rating with me on this site.
[After reading up on this site’s algorithms and skimming through profiles over the last few years, I’ve found that I never have interest in someone with a 20-40% match rating. This person was in that range. It’s designed to work accurately enough. Of course you might like someone with a 72% match over someone with a 95% match in real life –But there’s still a huge difference between someone with a 20% match and an 80% match to you.]
Random Guy: Haha. Don’t trust this site to match you. This is cheap site created by few horny guys. That’s the fact.
Myself: Have you read about the math behind the matching? Have you read the articles they posted about what the % means? And that is not a fact because I actually know two people working for the site and that is false about both of them. I don’t think “Oh this person is such a good match for me because of their %” -I’m not an idiot. However, I have YET to find someone I’m even SLIGHTLY interest in who doesn’t have a % over 70. This is because the way people on the site answer their questions generates that %…Well, I’m not going to go into it too much, you can just read about it as I did if you’re interested.
Random Guy: This is all bull. It’s easy to fool regular people like you. Have smart life in future.
Myself: Yes, I’ve been completely fooled by your poor English I was so attracted to. Good luck finding a fuck buddy on here. Good news for you is that people with a close match % to yours will probably be into you as well. Good luck =)
[The “fuck buddy” part was referring to something from his profile…And the fact that he believed it was just “horny guys” controlling the site.]
This is a conversation –or rather a rant I went off on- with someone from a dating website that I had about a year ago…
Random Guy: how can you say you are looking for someone open minded and in the next sentence say they can’t have views differing from yours ?
Myself: Never did I say “I’m looking for someone who can’t have different views from mine.” I chose my words how I did and I stick by them. It’s not my fault if people would like to interpret them differently. I love when people say “you said you’re open-minded, but you said you don’t like *whatever thing*” -as if people really believe being open minded is the same thing as not having an opinion. When you’re open-minded you try things out. You try different foods. Some of them you like, some you don’t. You date different people. Some of them you like, some of them you don’t. You keep an open mind to find out what you like and not to assume you don’t like something before trying it. You don’t keep an open mind because you don’t ever want to develop an opinion or your own tastes. I have no problem with people whose views differ from mine, however through my open-minded experiences I found what works for me when it comes to being in a relationship with someone. Everyone is entitled to be attracted to or not attracted to someone else for some reason or another. If physical appearance can be one of those reasons, views can be of an equal or greater importance. That does not make someone close-minded. It’s unrelated. Someone who says they hate apples and has never tried one is close-minded. Someone who bites into an apple and says they hate apples is open-minded. Expressing their view of the hatred of apples does not make them close-minded after trying one.
Random Guy: No one said you can’t form your own opinions but saying that you are open minded (which to me would mean that you are open to other peoples opinions and try to see their points of view)and at the same time say that a very larger and varied group of people you will not want to see just because of what party they might prefer and without knowing anything else about seems a little hypocritical. What if someone agrees with you on 49% of issues but decides to vote [POLITICAL PARTY CENSORED] because they agree with them on slightly more issues or issues they care about more, is that really a reason not to want to associate with them ?
Myself: I’m not open minded from other people’s opinions and trying to see their point of view? How about I dated someone with completely opposite religious views of mine? And guess what I did in that relationship? I was fucking open-minded. And little by little guess what, I fell in love anyway. We did not have the same views, but because I am open-minded we made it work. For a year. And it was the best relationship I was ever in. It eventually ended because of how he felt about our differences in those beliefs. And do you know what I got out of dating people with other views than mine, guess what I learned, when it comes to certain topics/certain issues I do not have a good relationship for this or that reason when we don’t share certain views. That has nothing to do with being open-minded. I’ve dated a [POLITICAL PARTY CENSORED] guy. I liked him too. There are just certain things that we clash with and I find it not possible to have the relationship I want with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me, when it comes to certain things that are important to me. How is that at all not having an open mind?! Where are you coming up with 49%?! Where did I say I wouldn’t associate with someone like that?! This is a damn dating profile where you find someone you want to be in a relationship with. Just because I talk about the type of relationship I want to be in, with the type of person I’d (way down the line) like to marry, it has nothing to do with me not associating with other types of people or not being friends with them. You’re putting words in my mouth, false statements, making up %’s -And you wonder why I don’t like [POLITICAL PARTY CENSORED]?! (The last sentence was a joke.) I am open-minded and I have an opinion and I know certain aspects in people, and certain views they hold, that cause me to have a good relationship with them or an okay/bad relationship with them. And I have dated people who believe completely opposite things as me. I’m the person who bites into the apple before deciding they don’t like it. Don’t accuse me of being someone who goes around saying they don’t like apples without trying them. –And being open minded is not continuing to eat apples when you don’t like them –That’s just being stupid. I’m sorry my profile misleads you that way, but you’re reading it the way you want to, and not actually reading what it says. You’re throwing in sentences that aren’t there.
I went through some more messages in my dating website inbox. Here are some bad conversations which went nowhere on one site. Most of these are from a year ago or more…
Random Guy: mmmm
Myself: Yeah, you put a lot of thought into that message, I really want to reply.
Random Guy: You totally did reply, though.
Myself: Yes, I replied with sarcasm.
Random Guy: I beleive in santa claus?
Myself: Fake profile as it’s hardly filled out, or attempt at being unique and hoping for a reply…
Random Guy: who has time 4 this
[Obviously not the guy who doesn’t have the time to spell out “for”…]
Random Guy: I’m wondering if you’d like to hang out with me this week.
Myself: I think it’ll take me a while to meet someone in person from here.
Random Guy: “My Turn Off’s: Not being open minded, ” [This is something he copy and pasted from my old profile.]
Myself: I don’t see how the two are related. One is a safety/comfort issue.
Random Guy: hi. you are way out of my league but maybe we can be besties? im great at errands and, um, all of that. wait nevermind how embarassingg. haha sorry! you rule! can i just paypal you for no reason?! eek
[I told him I wasn’t over someone, which was true at the time…It’s nicer than adding the part about how strange the message is.]
And then there was the time I gave a real answer to a guy I wasn’t interested in…
Random Guy: Why is it so hard to meet someone it feels right to be with.
Myself: Everyone is very different in many different ways. It’s rare to find someone who’s weaknesses pair well with your strengths (and vice versa), who has things in common with you enough to generally be on the same page with you in most situations, and who’s faults you can stand because of enough positivity in the rest of their personality traits. People have different priorities in relationships and you have to find someone who is strong enough in the categories most important to you, and what they lack only shows up in areas that don’t matter so much to you.
Skimming through old messages I found this conversation from a couple of years ago. I’m really surprised I even responded!…
Random Guy: Okay, so listen, I’ve gotta ask — are you really as ticklish as you look?
Myself: I am not ticklish at all. I was as a kid, but then it went away for some reason.
Random Guy: can’t be. you must still have some spots. fess up
Myself: Nope, none.
Random Guy: you’re too cute to be completely non-ticklish… sorry, i still just don’t buy it. here’s the $64,000 question — does being tickled make you feel submissive?
Myself: It really doesn’t do anything to me.
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.
I’ve got another great example of why I’m tired of dating…The intellectual-conversation-guy hasn’t replied in days and if that wasn’t disappointing enough, my inbox’s recent messages have been replaced with the following conversation from someone else…
Random Guy: hello how are you beautiful
Myself: I’m alright, thanks.
I don’t think we would be a good match, though.
Good luck on your search here.
Random Guy: Oh thank u don’t break my heart now lol
Random Guy: You look amazing Poole are exiting when they saw you …with that elegant body well we can be friends if you Like it
Myself: No, thank you.
The way you write is really unattractive.
Random Guy: Ok I’m sorry I have to be ones with you I have some family problems and was on bad mood that’s why I talk with you unattractive
Random Guy: :(
Myself: It’s the grammar that bothers me.
Random Guy: I’m sorry but do not have a lot of years here
Random Guy: Well you probably born here but I came here lol
Myself: That’s understandable, but being on a dating site (which requires you to write messages) might not be the best place for you to meet people then.
Random Guy: Ok can just call me if you can or text my Internet it is very slow [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: um, no thank you. I’m not interested. Like I already mentioned, I don’t think we’re a good match. I just think it’s rude to ignore people, even on here, so I was just letting you know. You’re not the type of guy I want to date.
Good luck, though.
Random Guy: Ok lol bey
Random Guy: Ok thank you
Oh man, I should call him, record it, and take these posts to a whole new level! (Not quite there, yet…)
And seriously, who’s on 56k in this day and age anyway that they can’t even click “Send” on online dating site message?
I wonder if some girls are as persistent when turned down as some of these guys are…
—Great news mid-posting (bad news for substance in my posts here)— Intellectual-conversation-guy has just replied after a long awaited 4 days!
Well, it was getting late tonight and I was starting to think I wouldn’t have anything at all for this today. I reactivated one of my old dating site profiles a little earlier, because you know, you never know. Though, I definitely feel like this one is one of the crummier sites. We’ll see! Anyway, it’s not much but at least I got something. It’s mostly just me being silly again towards yet another guy I have no interest in, though. Sometimes I think it comes off as a little more mean than completely honest…
Random Guy: Hi beautiful forever are u doing i see u online can we chat if u don’t mind
Myself: Nah, it’s possible you find me attractive at this moment, but it’s pretty unlikely I would be beautiful forever. Most likely as I age, as all humans do, I will become more and more unattractive. I will gain wrinkles, lose hair, get all saggy and whatever. Of course, one can remain beautiful on the inside -though it seemed like you were making the comment directed at physical attractiveness as you attached some pictures of yourself to this message. Thank you for your compliment, however I’m going to decline the invite to chat with you. I do mind because I’m not interested and I don’t want to. Have a great night and good luck on this site!
One dating site I was on a couple of years ago deletes your conversations after x amount of days. Luckily I saved some of the “best” in a word document on my computer which I just came across…
also u vl enjoy it
i can satisfy u
and i vl keep it secret
wanna have sex with me
v both can enjoy
cant v be a food friend
hope we vl meet nd go for a date,,, v can make it if u agree,,,
wat do u say ??????????????
i like u
wanna be ur friend
reply me bebe
Actual Dating Website Profile Of Random Guy:
i am wat i m
b careful coz am careless
ma hobbies is to play billiards,,,, i simply love it ,,,,,
ma goal is to become a sucessful business man,,,and trying o lot and working on it,,,,
as i told that i’m wat i’m
usually many of themm think that i’m stuborn but i’m not,,,,
i have my own rules and i vl never break it””
that is wat makes me unique,,,,
the music which makes me happy according to the situation is my kind of music…..
Actual “First Date” Of Random Guy’s Dating Website Profile:
ma kind of date simple
30 min of talk with a coffe
30 min of drive
10 min kiss
thats wat said to be a first date according to me
I know a lot of people are attracted to confidence, but I’ve always generally been one drawn to those who lack most of it. Though I may not be part of the majority on that, I still think it’s a little over the top to claim you’re the one for someone who you’ve never even met before. I mean really, to declare that you’re the one someone has been waiting for –someone who they couldn’t do without- before even speaking to them, is just too much.
Random Guy: I can be so good to you that you will wonder why you have done without me for so long. So lets talk.
Myself: No, thanks…I hate cockiness. Huge turn off for me. Good luck on here, a girl you’d be more interested in would probably like your approach.
Random Guy: Cockiness…confidence. …persistence. ..pride……whatever you want to call it
Myself: Yes, all of those things, I’m just not a fan. Just me, personally =)
Random Guy: you are absurd
Myself: Nah, I just have a high respect for those who are more humble/modest in that sense. I find it more attractive when someone is more sensitive in that way.
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