I have learned that no matter how long you spend on a dating website, no matter what you write on your profile, and no matter how socially acceptable it is to be on a dating website, you will never stop receiving messages from some guys who just want to sleep with you…
Random Guy: Hey you seem like you could be really awesome to hang out with and do more, you up for something “casual?” I don’t think casual needs much clarification. Myself: Are you a complete stranger sending me an initial message asking if I would like to meet you to have sex with you, though my profile doesn’t specify I’m interested in anything like that? If not, please do specify “casual” with your little quotation marks…I mean did you go with that because “Hello, person I have not met before, I think it would be awesome to have sex with you and I was just wondering if you were up for it?” didn’t have a nice ring to it? Random Guy:[WEBSITE LINK CENSORED] Myself: Yeah, I’m not going to click a random link after the above conversation… Random Guy: yeah well its about social conditioning. google it. Myself: Meh, didn’t care enough to google it, sorry. Myself: Oh and no thank you to the sex. Really? Do people not listing “looking for casual sex” on their profile go for that as an initial message? Well, good luck to you…
As I wrote “If you’re dating someone wrong for you but the sex is great, stop dating and keep the sex” on my post “Keep It Simple” I thought I’d make a suggested list on keeping a relationship strictly sexual. (Provided someone one day ends up in this position, with this opportunity.) The idea is to make sure neither person winds up attached or feeling as if they’re tied down, so that both can still freely seek and pursue other relationships. I changed this from “Rules” to “Guidelines” because nearly all of these “rules” can be bent or broken (at least once in a while) depending on the specific situation and those involved. Those involved should be able to find a balance between them that works.
(Safety first: Always avoid disease and unwanted pregnancy.) -Avoid hanging out outside of the bedroom, in the same way you’d hang out with your other friends.
(You probably get along well, but you’re going to feel like you’re dating if there are too many non-sexual meet-ups.) -Keep it to about once a week, though random late night calls are acceptable -but can be declined.
(If you see each other too often, you risk becoming attached. Too few times and each meeting may feel somewhat awkward.) -Don’t spend the night.
(Just avoid getting too close and excessively doing anything you’d do in a relationship with another.) -Get dressed and say goodnight when it’s over.
(If good conversation, cuddling with someone, and kissing goodnight is going to make you fall for them, don’t do it.) -Limit conversations in-between meeting.
(It’s nice to check-in to be friendly once in a while, but you shouldn’t be talking every day.) -Get what you want out of it.
(Don’t let the other person be the only one getting something out of the situation.) -Talk about it and go over the guidelines.
(Make sure you’re both on the same page about the situation and have a mutual agreement. Communication is important for all relationships –even those that are sexual.) -If you don’t want to be single, continue to search for new potential dates.
(Make sure you stay as active in your search for a relationship as you would outside of seeing this person. Don’t become reliant on your meet-ups.) -Don’t start a strictly sexual relationship with someone you have romantic feelings for.
(It’s not worth the stress and getting crushed later on. If you start to develop feelings for the person, it’s time to end it.) -Make the most of it.
(It’s a temporary situation for as long as it lasts, so enjoy it for what it is and don’t let what it isn’t get you down.)