Category Archives: Dating Girls

These are posts relating to my experiences with dating girls.

Do I Still Date Women?…

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I mentioned a guy I’d been speaking to from a dating site to my best friend. “Oh, so you’re over that thing with women?” she asked. No, it wasn’t a “phase” and I’m not “over” it. The reason I haven’t been mentioning many women lately is just because I’m having shitty luck with meeting any I’m interested in, or I seem to be as shitty of a prospective girlfriend to women as I seem to be to men lately…*sigh* If I saw an attractive girl that I could identify as being gay/bisexual or whatever else in-between, sure I’d pursue it, but my gaydar sucks. Even more limiting I find I’m usually only interested in feminine-looking women and being feminine-looking myself, I doubt most could pick me out either. *shrugs* And rejection sucks. There are a million reasons one could be rejected, mistaking someone’s sexual identity/orientation doesn’t need to be another one for me. So that mostly leaves me with gay bars and dating sites. When I go to a gay bar to meet someone it feels like I’m specifically choosing to meet women, which feels weird, when I’m clearly still interested in men as well. Every experience I’ve had at these bars was so aggressive. The women demand to know my sexual history with women within thirty seconds of introducing themselves to me and I’m not a great liar or half-truther. I get it, they don’t want someone who’s going to flake out on them and everyone judges a virgin (not that I’m such a virgin with men by any means.) But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t wind up leaving with any of them, or their phone numbers. So then there are dating sites and I don’t get any messages from women, ‘nor any replies from the few messages I send out. Once in a while I’ll get a message from someone I’m very much not interested in and well that’s that. So in short, women just don’t like me, I guess, or at least I haven’t yet met an available one I like who does, while men I have some interest in do continue to show interest in me.

I still notice attractive women. I always have. I don’t say much about it because I don’t say much about it when I notice an attractive man either. I had a mini crush on a girl I met a couple of weeks ago, but I’m pretty sure she’s straight and I don’t know her that well. So, once again I didn’t mention it to anyone. She was just pretty cool and pretty fun to talk to and pretty…There, does that satisfy you, those who want to believe it was just a phase? There wasn’t anything more than that to make of it, so I didn’t. I spent over twenty years of my life not realizing I had an option to date women and ignoring the occasional crush. It’s too bad I didn’t collect a bunch of experiences in my youth to justify my admittance to being open to it now. Maybe then people wouldn’t see my mentioning of it as such a novelty. There was somewhat of an exciting aspect to it at first, just like any new discovery, but it wasn’t just a novelty thing. A friend said they could find someone to hook-up with me, but I didn’t want a one night stand, ’nor to be some couple’s fantasy in a threesome. Of course I have an interest in something I’d never experienced before, but it’s not a one-and-done deal. It was just another option in dating. It’s only to other people that it’s such a big deal. It never was to me. I never “came out.” I never felt the need to discuss it with others. I certainly never felt the need to create a new label for myself. Labeling myself as “straight” for all these years is what convinced me I had to adhere to the label and that there wasn’t any room to be anything but that. I don’t do those labels anymore. I’m lucky to have as many non-judgmental family members and friends as I do, as I know many don’t, and this might be a bigger deal in their circles of acquaintances. For me, it isn’t, so I’m thankful for the ability to so easily be label-free now.

OkCupid has come out with so many labels and the ability to select up to five genders (woman, man, agender, androgynous, bigender, cis man, cis woman, genderfluid, genderqueer, gender nonconforming, hijra, intersex, non-binary, other, pangender, transfeminine, transgender, transmasculine, transsexual, trans man, trans woman, two spirit) and up to five orientations (straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, demisexual, hetroflexible, homoflexible, lesbian, pansexual, queer, questioning, sapiosexual.) Now, it’s great for anyone who identifies with being any of those things because they can choose exactly what fits them, but when I look at that, I can’t possibly be the only one who just feels more confused about which label best fits them. I’ve yet to come across a profile that has selected five of each, but at a certain point isn’t it okay to just not label yourself at all? Where is the “none” option? For me, that long list of labels just feels so much more restricting. I guess some people like to feel included in a certain group, belong some place, and some people like to have a word that describes them perfectly. That’s okay. But, I personally do not wish to be boxed into any labels any more. I feel free to love and fuck whoever I please and others can label me as they see fit straight, bi, gay, hypocrite, questioning, queer, poser, lesbian, hetroflexible, or whatever else they feel fits. But I’m not calling myself anything but me these days. No, I’m not “above” it. I’m not “above” anyone who loves being labeled and who has worked hard to feel comfortable in their label or for equal rights for their label. I’m not better than or belittling anyone who has gone through any types of hardships to gain respect for their label. I applaud it and am fully for it. I just want to be respected just the same in my label-less-ness, is all. I’m not even feeling that this label-free thing is such an original idea, either. I know some people won’t understand this or agree with it, but who would anyone be if all they did was try to appease everyone else? And I don’t believe I’ve offended anyone, as I certainly didn’t mean to, but I know it can be a very touchy subject. I know, I see your posts on FaceBook everyone, you know who you are, not that you know who I am, but I’m 100% sorry in advance and will delete this entire section if you find it offensive some how. I’m not on this blog to start internet fights. There’s enough bullshit on the internet as it is and I don’t need to contribute to any of that viral “omg” nonsense. <3

So, I haven’t written about dating women very much on here recently. I might more often. I might once in a while. I might not. Hopefully no one is surprised either way. I’ve put more focus on the apps and websites I use for dating men because I’ve spent so much of my life dating them. It’s sort of like the low-hanging fruit of dating for me. It’s familiar and easier, though not necessarily better. It’s where I seem to have more luck. So until some cute female notices me, I see this male-trend continuing in my dating patterns for now. I don’t plan on this coming up again, but figured I should clarify for those wondering since this is my dating blog and all…

Dateless Weekends

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This might have only been about that night, but lately this conversation feels like it applies to every weekend…
Ngood
(…The conversation turned into a couple of general questions that just sort of trailed off into silence after that.)

The Flakey Comedian (Part 3)

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The date we had set for Wednesday got moved to Saturday, then Sunday, and then again to the next Wednesday. At this point I was losing interest pretty rapidly. I couldn’t tell if she’d met someone more interesting, or was just the kind of unorganized person with a busy life that I’m not into. If I was in any other situation I’d probably have stopped asking when she was free. I might have stopped replying to her texts completely. If I had anything else going on, I might have not allowed her to hold so much power scheduling the next date. A friend suggested I drop her after the third time she rescheduled. “What would I gain doing that?” I asked. “Self respect?” he said. “Oh yeah, me and my self respect are going to sit at home without anything else to do and have so much fun together,” I replied. But, Wednesday it was. Wednesday at 6:30, then Wednesday at 7:00, then Wednesday at 7:30, but still Wednesday it was. I waited for her at the bar and when she walked in I immediately knew it wasn’t going anywhere. The vibe was different. We were distant from each other, almost forcing something that wasn’t there. We looked at each other like we were bored already. I don’t exactly know what made that night so different than the first, but it reminded me of a guy I dated last July who told me that he’s never had a decent second date. (You might remember my brief mention of who I referred to as “Intellectual Guy” before he quickly became “uninteresting guy.”) He had explained that he was quite skilled at first dates, but somehow always used up his charm by the second. Her and I talked, we had a drink, we walked to another bar, we had another drink, we might’ve even laughed a little, and then she had to go because she was tired. I knew she wasn’t really lying, but I also knew that was my line when I’d had enough of a date. On my way home I started to wonder if it was just an off-night. The pressure of nothing else going on was building again. What did I have to lose at that point? I tried out this text about 30 minutes after we parted ways that night:
conv2

After my text was ignored I got the message. So, I was home on a weeknight three drinks in, back to nothing “romantic” going on in my life. I thought about how crappy my dating life had been going lately and then I remembered the person who had inspired this post. He had texted me out of the blue to meet up, when I wasn’t free one night about two months ago. I hadn’t seen him in about 8 months now and started thinking it might be a nice option to have on the table again. Without thinking about it too much more, I sent him this text and yes it was after 11pm:
Conv3
To my surprise he replied and this is how my night wound up:
Conv7
[Insert graphic details of the rest of my night here]

The next day at work I spent most of my lunch break on Tinder seeking out someone new. Then my date from the night before texted me. As soon as my phone buzzed and I saw her name pop up, I knew what it was going to say and didn’t even want to read it…
Conv5
Clearly I’d already received the message or I wouldn’t have texted my old friend the night before, or been back on Tinder so avidly. I would have rather she didn’t reply at all. I feel like that text just sort of made it awkward when it was unnecessary. As much as I always say I’d rather not be ignored and have people be straight forward with me, I think there are still certain times where it’s better when nothing is said. I got her message when she didn’t answer me the night before and it didn’t need to be rubbed in any further. If she hadn’t said anything about ignoring it, maybe we could’ve even been friends. That’s something I don’t like about online dating or Tinder dates. In the real world you can get to know someone without having to be on a date with them. You can start out as friends and see where it goes. When you meet someone from a dating site, the first time you meet it’s your first date. You can say you’re not going to call it that, but you always know it’s a date. By the second date if you know you’re not compatible with one another you basically have to break up. Being friends after a break-up generally has some difficulties. Although you’re on a much less intense level of breaking up, that awkward tinge remains. Maybe we could’ve laughed off my message and hung out again at some point if she hadn’t sent that totally “it’s not you it’s me” kind of text. It’s not so easy to come back leaving it off that way. I still think it would be fun to hang out with her though, do you think I should try asking about a friendship with her in a couple of weeks?

The Flakey Comedian (Part 2)

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About two weeks ago I met the first person I’d ever met from Tinder. She greeted me with a hug and a million apologies about rescheduling our plans so many times, having me come out to her area to meet, and keeping me waiting a few minutes because I arrived early. We laughed about the fact that she had only known me for 2 seconds and already told me she was sorry 5 times. Immediately I was relieved she looked like the better pictures of herself and nothing like the unattractive ones. She got the first round of drinks and we started talking. We covered the basics as usual. “So, what do you do? Where are you from?” and the rest of the endless questions I couldn’t be sicker of by now. Then we switched to more interesting conversation topics like drugs, awful sexual encounters, belief/disbelief in god, and opinions of sixth senses. We were on the same page and I was having a good time. I was a little buzzed, but even before I felt the alcohol I was finding her more and more attractive. I liked her easy-going personality, her openness, and her humor. The better someone’s personality is, the more attractive they become physically. She was cute. “Are you drunk at all?” I asked her. “A little,” she said. “Good, I am a little too,” I told her. She goes, “I’m drunk enough to do this” leaned over the table we were sitting at and kissed me. I smiled. Then we kissed again. So yeah, it was a good date. On my way home I still had that fuzzy feeling from the drinks, but I was excited aside from it as well. How many days are you supposed to wait before you ask for another date? I don’t know, but I only waited about 30 minutes before sending the “I had a really good time, when are you free again?!” text. Luckily it was well-received with mutual feelings and a possible Wednesday.

The Flakey Comedian (Part 1)

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A few months ago I tried Tinder for about 5 minutes. As if it was hard enough to find someone worth speaking to on dating sites, I was now limited to even less pictures and nearly no biography about the person at all. A few weeks ago I reinstalled the App to give it another chance anyway. (Hence this post.) I exchanged a few messages with some mutual right-swipe matches, but it wasn’t really going anywhere until this to-the-point message exchange:
Conv1E

We switched to texts and I was excited to discover that she was as talkative as I usually am. Due to conflicting schedules we made plans to meet the next weekend. She wasn’t incredibly attractive in her pictures, but she had this familiar-look I found intriguing. I could’ve sworn I’d seen her do stand-up comedy before. Turns out she was an aspiring comedian, and actually had performed at places I’d been. I’m still not sure I’ve actually seen her, though. As the weekend we were meeting drew near, the plan changed. Now she was working late that night and celebrating her birthday with her friends at a giant joint birthday party the rest of the weekend. She invited me, but something about the idea of first meeting someone in a date-like setting surrounded by all their friends on their birthday was off-putting. She rescheduled for during the week with one of those “I’ll definitely get back to you” messages. About a week and a half passed, along with our supposed date-night and I was starting to give up on the idea of her when suddenly I got an apology text about a busy week and free Saturday night coming up. Part of me knew I should’ve turned her down for being so flakey in the first place, but another part of me thought “Who are you kidding, it’s not like you have ANYTHING else going on.” The date was set.

Girls Are Creeps Too!

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Most of the creepy messages I get on dating sites are from guys, but girls can be creepy too! This message appeared in one of my inboxes from a girl some years older and close to 3,000 miles away from me…

Random Girl: Hiya!
ok, so I know I’m a long way away and a lot older than you….but you seemed so cool, I just had to say hi. So….hi! And hey, maybe I could be your sugar mama LOL!
Anyhoos, hope to talk to you soon. PS – I come your way a lot for work. LOVE [CITY CENSORED]!
Talk soon!
[NAME CENSORED]

I haven’t replied, but she has revisited my profile a couple of times since sending this message.

Dating Blog Recap

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For those of you just tuning in, I thought I’d do a recap in case my dating life picks up again. (Just being hopeful, you know.) I was tired of dating when I started this blog and that has not changed, as I continue to post post-worthy conversations from my dating website inboxes. Shortly after starting this blog, after dating guys my entire life (I’m in my 20’s), I decided to try dating girls around the middle of this past summer. The idea definitely surfaced after developing a crush on one particular girl. I honestly do still have a thing for her, but I’d rather not get into all of that right now. I made a post about it, still under the impression it wasn’t possible for me to like a girl when I’d always identified with being straight, but after admitting the way I felt, I finally saw it as an option and decided to take advantage of that option. Over the last couple of weeks I created a second dating profile to date girls and switched my original profile back from “bisexual” to “straight” to find guys. It makes all the difference as the only messages I was getting when it was set to “bisexual” were from couples looking for a third person, and guys nearly twice my age. I now use both profiles equally, but just this past week I’ve started sending initial messages out to guys again. (No replies, so far.) I had been taking a break from guys, and though I still am for the most part, I’m more open to the idea of dating them again. (Yes, currently having no dating kind of situation with anyone male or female made me expand my options.) Over the last few months I’ve gone on 4 first dates with girls, which went no where. And to keep track, here are some of the nicknames I’ve been throwing around in my posts…

Crazy Girl is a girl who I have not met but who sends me explicit messages which I do my best to reply to and is probably making up some of her stories.
Flakey Girl is a girl who I never met but used to text me all of the time asking me to hang out and then cancelling last minute. I haven’t heard from her in months. She also apparently knew someone growing up who I hung out with in my teens.
Crazy Dog Girl is the girl who said she was Catholic but wanted to raise her dog (who she calls her son) Jewish. We haven’t spoken since our one date.
Band Camp Girl is a girl who I haven’t met yet but was supposed to meet last week, until I asked her if we could switch it to sometime this weekend. We still don’t have any plans set in stone. All I know about her at the moment is that she plays the flute, hence her name. I haven’t really mentioned her before except for in this post.
Switzerland Girl is the girl who was on vacation in the US and we went out one night. I’ll probably never speak to her again, but that’s what I called her. My friend referred to her as “SwissMiss” but I kept confusing his questions with hot chocolate, so the name didn’t stick.

I don’t have nicknames for the other two girls I’ve recently been chatting with on and off, or any of the guys I’ve recently dated. You’ll find their stories throughout my posts, though. The next few months are going to be a little hectic as I’m taking a 2 week vacation out of the country, have been occasionally working a side job as a hobby on the weekend, and have been apartment hunting because I’ve decided it’s time for change, but I’ll do my best to keep updating this blog. My “love life” has also been pretty lame and non-existent as of recently, so I’m hoping to make it a little more exciting again. For other interesting posts I’ve written in the past, please see the “Top Posts” on the side bar of the main page, or feel free to browse through my older stories throughout the Recent Posts, Archives, and Categories.

Sending Crazy Messages To Crazies

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Crazy Girl is back! Well, that’s what I’ve been calling her anyway. (I mention her sending me “interesting” messages in this post.) She just sort of starts off with these explicit kind of messages, and just sort of messages me “What did she just say?!” things that I feel the need to read to my friends. I haven’t actually posted any of our conversations because I haven’t yet decided that I want to share them, since we may actually meet. But, yes, after some weeks (months?) she has suddenly messaged me back again. Every time I read one of her messages I close the browser the moment I’m done, take a breath, and eventually reply to her a few hours later. I guess I’m not usually as open as she is until someone gets to know me. Of all the people I’ve been chatting with lately, she’s definitely the one I’m the most curious about meeting, though probably the least likely any real relationship would start up with. I’m pretty sure she is the person in her pictures but that some of her stories must be made up. So, she’s the one I call Crazy Girl. I’m sure someone will top it and become Psycho Girl one day…I hope that’s not what anyone calls me now? We all know there’s “good crazy” and “bad crazy” and I do my best to stay “good crazy.” I did also send out some humorous messages to some guys recently. I guess I didn’t feel like putting the effort in to get a reply and I just started out all funny/quirky. As I haven’t received any replies, I guess you really do need to make some sort of better first impression on the internet rather than giving someone the impression that you’re silly all the time. It’s not really fair that we assume someone is everything they say in an initial message, but I of course do the same, as I have no choice but to play along in the same game. By this one guy’s profile, he totally seemed like he would think I was just being amusing in my message and not “bad crazy,” but it went ignored so I guess he assumed I was some nuts cat lady. I know I could have crafted some great initial message, and I suppose I would have if I really wanted him to reply…But I’ve been feeling so jaded by all this dating (Surprised by the blog name?) and where’s the fun in it anymore?…

Myself: Hello,
Did it bother you that when you checked the “has cats” box on here, it stays plural even if you only have one cat? It bothered me a little, so I got a second cat. That’s not entirely true, I just wanted a second cat and one was available, but the thought “Now my dating profile will have a totally honest sentence in that section!” did cross my mind…
PS- I’m not a cat lady (probably.)

…Fine, he can ignore my message but I still think it’s hilarious.

Date With A Tourist Girl

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So, Friday night I met the girl visiting the US from Switzerland. It’s funny how little I’ll hesitate to meet a girl, yet worry much more about the type of person a guy is before meeting him. Our date was pretty average, some wine with dinner, talking about life, and sharing stories. She was nice, and I found it really interesting to speak to someone from another country who’d never been here before. However, I didn’t find her all that attractive and she kind of reminded me of a friend of mine, so I wasn’t really feeling the night continuing after dinner. She seemed disappointed when I announced that I was tired and going to head home. Yet again I’m not finding many messages in my inbox on dating websites, and yet again I haven’t met anyone too interesting, so I continue to be single, tired of dating, and continue to have a lack of interesting updates for this blog. Hope it all changes soon and I will of course keep you updated!

Dating Website Conversation #16

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So, today I got a message on the dating site from some a girl in Switzerland who will be visiting my area for a week. Though I didn’t think we seemed too compatible I agreed to meet her this weekend because I figure nothing long term can come of it either way, and even if it goes horribly she’ll be out of the country within a few days. It’s not really like me to do this type of thing, but this is what happens when you’ve got nothing going on dating-wise. Oh, and as promised here’s a short conversation from the other night…

Random Guy: Ouch…….damnit!! When I saw your pic I passed out and hit my head on the keyboard!! So I’ll need your full name, number and name of your modeling agency for insurance reasons *shakes fist*…..but I’ll settle for a coffee or drink sometime hehehehe ;)
Myself: I have no idea why I’m showing up in your search results. I’m looking for someone female under 30, sorry.

Long Awaited Update

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So, it’s been a while…I guess I’ll update this blog whenever I have some silly dating website conversation, or have a dating story to tell. I can’t make any promises as to when or how often that will be, as I’ve honestly not had a lot going on lately. But, trust me -my blog posts suffering are not the worst part about it and I’d prefer something more interesting were going on in my dating life beyond reasons of just a story to tell… –So the motivation is definitely there to fuel more posts. The last few days I’ve been exchanging some interesting messages with a girl on one site. I’m debating posting them, depending on where the conversation ends up, and if we actually meet. To clarify “interesting,” my initial message was along the lines of “Hey, we like two of the same TV shows, cool” and her lengthy reply included her preference in pubic hair grooming. I haven’t heard from Flakey Girl in a while, but I did find out she was the next door neighbor growing up of an old friend I haven’t seen in a while. Random, but yet again it’s such a small world. I also spoke to one of my friends about the “interesting” remark I hear from her every time I mention interest in a girl. The reaction is apparently half because she finds herself unable to relate (though, I see it all as no different than having interest in a guy), and half because she doesn’t see me permanently dating women. From the start, I did say it was probably just a phase as I don’t see myself marrying a woman (I mean who knows, but it seems most likely, given I’ve dated guys my entire life), but I don’t really see how it’s a reason to not be taken seriously. I mean, even if it is something just going on at this moment, does that make this moment any less of current reality? It feels freeing to know dating women is also an option and it’s exciting to be attracted to some because it’s something new to me. I definitely think it’s more difficult market, though. If anything, at least from the viewpoint of dating websites alone. I changed my dating site profiles to only seeking women (but still indicating “bisexual”), and there has been a dramatic decline in my profile views and messages. Strangely enough I still get random messages from guys from time to time. Expect a couple of those messages to be posted sometime this week ;-)

Temporary Break From Temporary Hiatus

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Mostly still on my temporary hiatus from this blog due to lack of dating (meh) but I do have a short post for today:
Today I mentioned to my mom that I’d been going on some dates with girls over the last few months, as the topic came up and I knew it wasn’t a big deal. (I think the conversation went from groceries > to pasta > to Barilla’s recent remarks > to gay people > to people’s opinions about gay people > and so on…) What was her input? “I don’t think it matters if you date girls or boys. I think they both suck just the same. They’re all just people and I think all people just kind of suck the same!” (I think she mostly meant along the lines of the crappy side of dating and stress in relationships.)

A Few Notes

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  • I get the feeling I am not going to see the last girl I went out on a date with again. I don’t really have strong reasoning, but sometimes I get a certain vibe about a situation and nearly all of the time I’m right.
  • I made plans with the flakey girl for Thursday, again. I’m planning on showing up and getting stood up. I’m still going because she answers text messages in such a strange way, I’ve become really curious about meeting her in person.
  • I am declaring it much harder to get a second date with a girl than it is with a guy. In the past, nearly every first date I went on with a guy, it was almost always up to me if there would be a second date. I wasn’t that crazy about any of the girls I met recently, but I don’t think they’d have gone out with me a second time if I was!
  • I haven’t received any messages on dating websites in two days (a record!)
  • If you pay attention to someone’s internet habits (log-in time, updates, etc.) you can often infer a lot.
  • I’m definitely tired of dating.

Third First-Date With A Girl

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Before The Date
I forgot to mention that a few days ago I got a reply from a girl who I’d messaged over a month ago on the dating site. She apologized for the delay in her response and we exchanged numbers shortly after. I get the feeling she’s the chatty type because I received 9 texts in a row from her in a 10 minute span before I could reply, while I was at work. I’m not sure what she actually sounds like, but as I read her texts the voice in my head was that of an over-excited teenage girl. You know, a lot of “omg lol new shoes” type-talk. None of that sounds like my type, I suppose, but she seems friendly and I figure she’s worth meeting anyway. From what I can tell on her profile, our opinions clash about drug use, and though it sounds like the difference in opinion would be problematic in a relationship, I figure it shouldn’t stop us from at least meeting once. With that said, last night we made reservations for brunch and I’m off to meet her now…

After The Date
So that went well, I think! She was just as enthusiastic in person as in her text-messages and hugged me hello. Now that I think about it, she also gave me the closest hug goodbye any of the girls I’ve gone out with have yet. I forgot to bring up our differing views on purpose because I didn’t want to ruin it so soon. The date was short because she had to go to work, but I think we’ll see each other again. It was pretty much your typical “Where are you from, what do you do, do you have any siblings, how about pets, what do your parents do, where did you go to school” first date, so I don’t have much else to comment on that. We have a few little things in common and I felt like she gave off a lot of positive energy. Good vibes from her today. Though she has two cats and a decent job/nice apartment, she wasn’t at all like the other date I went on with the law school girl who was obsessed with her little dog. I didn’t feel like she was talking down to me or anything. She seemed fun and cute…We’ll see. Either way that flakey girl from my post the other day has been texting me and we’ve made plans for Thursday yet again. (But who knows if they’ll actually happen.)

Still Very Much Single

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You know, everything about The Dating Cycle is really starting to frustrate me again. I think at times I just sort of go on pointless date after date, just sort of floating through everything, but right now I’m feeling pretty frustrated again. For one thing, I’m getting about 5 messages a day on these dating sites. Great, right? Nope. They’re all from men with an extremely low match rating to me (I’d never have interest in them) and a lot of them are nearly double my age. This means no one is reading my profile to see what we have in common, or to notice that I indicate I’m currently interested in dating women -and someone close to my age. (I shouldn’t be surprised, of course I know people just look at the pictures –But if you’re about to send someone a message, seriously how do you not even skim their profile first?)
Then there’s the girl from a couple of weeks ago. Let’s go in order:

Girl messages me.
I reply. (We exchange a few messages over a couple of days.)
She asks me to meet her.
I ask when and where.
5 days pass.
I send her some question marks.
She sends me her number and asks if we can switch to texts.
I text her.
She says she’ll be free next weekend.
Next weekend is coming up and she tells me she’s free Thursday instead. (We have a time but not a place.)
Tuesday I ask her where we’re meeting.
She asks if we can switch it to Saturday.
Wednesday I ask her where we’re meeting Saturday.
We discuss an area, but no place or time. (She asks if we can discuss it closer to Saturday.)
Friday night I ask her what’s going on with the next day.
No reply until Monday. (She says she went away for the weekend again and wishes she wasn’t so busy.)
Her last text read, “It’s lonely not having time for people.”
My reply text, “It’s lonely having time and no people lol”
Her reply text, “Okay give me some time and ill give you a person”
My last reply text, “Haha alright fair trade”
(Because what better things do I have going on anyway? I’m really turned off by people being this flakey. It’s really not something I want to deal with especially when it comes to dating. I’m really not expecting to ever meet up with her. But somehow this is the most I have right now. This is boring.)

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
-Movie: Love & Death (By Woody Allen)

Second First-Date With A Girl

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So tonight’s date couldn’t have gone that well or I guess I’d still be on it.
First the good parts: She was attractive, nice, dressed very similar to me, paid for my drink, and we could probably be friends.
Now the reasons I’m home by 9 on a Friday night: She said she had to go home to feed her dog. Her dog who she thinks of as her son. I’m an animal person and all, but she told me that she’s raising him Jewish. Mind you she also mentioned she wasn’t raised religious, but her family is Protestant. She bought him a sweater with the star of David, a yarmulke (yamaka), got a menorah to light with him for Hanukkah, and I’m pretty sure she mentioned a restricted (Kosher?) diet. Do I even need to get to the part where she did this annoying “Mmmhmm” thing after everything I said and constantly made me feel like she was looking down upon me? I would probably see her again if she asked me, but I’d steer it in the direction of something more friendly or just physical. I think the odds of us meeting again are slim based on her not ordering another drink, ending the night, and keeping her distance during my hug goodbye. I didn’t get the feeling she was as down to earth and open as I prefer people to be either. I think I was an okay date to her, though. I smiled when she spoke about the time she painted her dog’s nails red and I shared a story about my cats to participate. I probably should have come up with a better answer about what I’m doing with my life, but writing these very words in this blog –Do I honestly have a better answer? Overall it wasn’t so bad, we just didn’t click, just like most of the dates I’ve ever gone on. Time to repeat it tomorrow if that other girl ever gets back to me?

(Well, at least tonight's was free.)

(Well, at least tonight’s was free.)

Back To The Bar Scene

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In bed with a hangover, but the blog must go on! Last night I wound up with a group of friends at the lesbian bar I’d been to a couple of weeks ago and this time it was packed. I found it was a very different scene than my first visit, and with a few more drinks than the last time I didn’t have much trouble talking to anyone. Unfortunately, all of the girls I spoke to turned out to be straight and just there for friends or siblings I didn’t find very attractive. One woman tried to teach me how to dance and I did enjoy listening to a group of girls with an accent I really liked. Overall I had a good time, though I didn’t really get anywhere successful in my dating life…Except for one message I came home to in my dating site inbox:
“And would you be free to meet up for drinks on Thursday?”
It was from a girl who’d actually replied when I sent out another 10 messages a few days ago. I don’t know a lot about her, but I like the idea of meeting someone in person first to find out more. Thursday is the day the girl who texted me wanted to meet, and although we have a time, she never replied with a place so I’m not even sure that’s happening. I’m still keeping the possibility open so I asked if this girl was free a different day.

Smaller # Of Fish In The Sea Than I Thought

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So, I’m pretty much back to where ever I was a week or so ago. Yesterday I texted the girl from my post “First First-Date With A Girl” asking her if she was still interested in coming by to watch a show we’d discussed. No reply. Last night I found out that she used to date my girl crush from my post “Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?” who sparked my attempts at dating women. I’m pretty sure they even met through the same dating website. I’m not sure why, but I almost immediately lost any interest I’d had in her –though of course she has no idea about my discovery of this, or my crush on someone she’s dated. I’m pretty happy we never mentioned names of those we’d dated or had crushes on. I’m also glad I decided against inviting her to an event my original girl-crush would have been at. It’s funny actually- when we met, she expressed being put off by how small she felt the gay/bi community was for women on these sites and how everyone seems to know each other on them.
Today she sent me the following text:
“Hey sorry I took so long to get back to you; i got this when work was super hectic. It’d be fun to watch it but i’m kind of just starting to see someone so I do want to be straight up abt that. It was too early to say anything before and probably still too early but It seems better to be more upfront than not. Im sorry; i still feel really ill equipped when it comes to the dating scene.”
She was pretty surprised by how truly okay I was with this answer today. I suppose the timing of the news, my feelings on it, and the timing of her reply just sort of worked out for the best.
Moving on, last night I also got a text from an entirely new girl from the dating website. We haven’t spoken much, but we made plans to meet next week. Oh how my life suddenly sounds like some little soap opera story. (And these are just the parts I share with you!)

(Goldfish Bowl = Dating Website)

(Goldfish Bowl = Dating Website)

Opinions Of Friends

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This blog is anonymous, though a few of my friends know about it. I’ve felt comfortable and free to speak my mind for the most part here, though it’s odd I haven’t felt the same opportunities to be as open with my friends. The reaction from of my male friends to my interest in dating women has been positive for the most part. I think it’s just the popular appeal to many straight men of two women together that leaves them so accepting. My female friends haven’t had the same reaction. I get a lot of “Oh.”, “Alright then…”, or “Interesting” from them. I know that these words translate to something else and they reek of discomfort and uncertainty. I can tell my best friend wants to be happy for me with whoever I meet. I know she wants to be nice and listen to my stories. I know her word selection is her trying to the best of her ability, but it’s been extremely disappointing because I can’t help but see through it. Why does it make them feel so uncomfortable? Do they think I will suddenly be attracted to them? Do they really think that after all the years of me not feeling anything romantic towards them that will suddenly change because I realize I’m able to feel that way towards other women? Do they really think that they can’t relate to me anymore, after years of spending time together and sharing stories? Are they jealous in some twisted way? Do they see someone female as a threat to our friendship? Do they feel like they suddenly don’t know me as well as they thought they did and are questioning more about me as a person? Do they think it’s a joke and aren’t taking me seriously for it? Are they trying not to feed into it because I’ve already expressed that even I, myself, think it’s just a phase? I’ve always been pretty sure that none of my friends were homophobic, but they’re seriously causing me to question their opinions on this. I hadn’t seen it as a big deal because I’m still interested in men as well. Why does it seem to be such huge news to them? Perhaps it’s just sort of come as a surprise, so they haven’t had time to make up their opinion about it. Though, why should they have to think about it so much? I feel like I’m being treated as if I’m some sort of novelty when they share my story with friends who aren’t as close to us. I don’t mind so much if others know this about me, but if it’s being talked about just because it’s “weird” or “funny” –I’d really rather not just be the center of some gossip. I’m disappointed in my friends because I feel like if I end up in something serious with someone female, all of my friends will end up pretty distant from me.

First First-Date With A Girl

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So, I’ve come a long way since my post “Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?” and changing my dating website profile from “Straight” to “Bisexual.” After 25 unanswered messages to women, I finally got a reply and wound up asking if she was free this weekend. I was excited and nervous because it was my first time going out with a girl. We actually walked along the beach, getting to know each other and I thought “Did we really just have the ultimate cliché date with a long walk on the beach?” We got some drinks, some food, played a little skeeball (she’d never played it before), and some other silly arcade-type game. We turned in the tickets we’d won for a temporary tattoo and plastic lizard. We rode my favorite two rides at the park and then grabbed dinner in another neighborhood. We headed home after 7 hours together, so I have to say –it went pretty well. She was cute, nice, interesting, fun…She even reminded me a little of the girl I originally developed a crush on, which started this whole idea…We agreed it was awkward for a first meeting to be a date, so I’m not sure if it’ll end up as just a friends thing, but I’d like to see her again. I did learn something important from the experience even if I don’t: I can definitely see myself dating a girl, in the same way I’d date a guy and feel pretty comfortable with it. It’s opened up a world of options and although I’ll probably run into the same frustrations that I have dating men, it’s nice to have a little more selection of potential dates. The variety does add some interesting change to the whole dating game anyway.

I realized how many times I’d fallen victim to typical stereotyped gender roles that no longer existed when dating a girl. I’d generally waited for a guy to ask me out, rather than suggesting it to him. I’d see if the guy was going to pay for my meal/drinks rather than offering to chip in right away. I’d wonder if the guy was going to try to kiss me goodnight, rather than it being something I’d initiate or not. I’d see if the guy put his arm around me, reached for my hand, or put his hand on my leg. With men taken out of the equation, everything feels a lot more equal and also with some added pressure on myself when it comes to decision making. Yesterday’s date was a good experience if nothing else. I caught myself thinking, “Should have held the door for her that time”, “I should have paid for her lunch, I asked her out”, “I’m going to pay for her drink this time”, and all of the other little things I used to use as indicators with men of being on a date or not that would pass through my mind. But once I realized how unimportant all of those things had been all along, I could let go of some of the stress that I’d held wondering which one of us was supposed to jump in and take action. I was finally getting a little further away from the dating games I’d always despised. I felt like the focus wasn’t about who did what and just ended up being more about caring for the other person and looking out for them over yourself, which really should always be the case in any relationship. It didn’t matter what gender we were, we were just people. I felt free from the stereotypes of what men want and like, and it was just about what either of us wanted or not at that time. As someone who enjoys trying new things, yesterday was certainly an enjoyable experience.

No Success At The Bar

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So, last night I made it out to the bar I was suggested to try with a male friend. It was surprisingly busy when we arrived early but seemed to clear out as the night went on. I plan on heading back in a week or two, and possibly catching the Happy Hour crowd. Needless to say, I was not successful in meeting anyone, and the following thoughts went through my mind…
-A decent amount of attractive girls go to that bar.
-I am just as terrified/shy of walking up to a girl at a bar as I am about walking up to a guy.
-I should learn how to dance.
-I should find more opportunities to stand alone rather than with someone.
-I should not order a martini unless I’m sitting at the bar because I will spill it all over myself and others.
As we left, my friend said, “Well, at least we looked at some girls and that was fun. That’s how most nights go when I’m out with guys anyway.” I think I’m officially concluding that (straight) guys have it harder than (straight) girls when it comes to dating whether it’s online or out in the real world.

First Female Message

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Last night I got my first message from a girl on a dating website and I must say I was overly excited. (I mean my first “official” message, not counting couples/etc.) The message was extremely uninteresting and I’d have probably ignored it or given a silly reply if it came from anyone else…But after weeks of an inbox full of just men, there was no way I wasn’t going to give a friendly answer. I mean, it could’ve been worse –she said “Hi, how are you? How is your week going?” Okay, this kind of killed every creative word that may have been in me, I gave a boring answer, and await the non-stimulating conversation that will occur…But I suppose I’d still meet her if it came up. I guess I haven’t become too picky yet when it comes to girls because those interested in me seem so hard to find. She’s actually one of the original three girls I bookmarked way before I even considered changing my profile from “straight” to “bisexual.” I actually never messaged her because I wasn’t really thrilled with the way she answered some questions about honesty and some of her interests, but I figure someone might be different in person. I think she might have messaged me only because I accidentally clicked on her profile a bunch of times. She hasn’t replied since last night, so I sent messages to 22 new girls. I mean, at least one of them has to reply, right? So, I’m officially on a break from guys. The interest has been temporarily disabled and I’ve moved my focus to women for the time being. Well, except for this one guy who comes by sometimes while I’m single –But that story’s for an entirely different post ;-)

Awkward Parties

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I went to a couple of parties this weekend and learned a few things:
– My first reaction is still currently set to skim my surroundings for attractive girls before attractive guys.
-It’s really hard for me to tell if a girl likes girls unless she specifically says it, or is glued to her significant other.
-Straight girls often say things that could easily be interpreted as them not being straight.

At one party I spent a few minutes in an awkward position. My best friend was pushing me to tell our other friend about my interest in dating a girl. I’d have been more hesitant if it were more sober. Somehow I ended up sitting in a chair while 5 or so other girls sat around me on the floor like it was children’s story time and I told my story of changing my dating website from “straight” to “bisexual” and answered their questions. One guy was listening in. I didn’t know him, but he’d come off as creepy to me the entire night. He leaned over and said, “So, you kissed a girl and you liked it?” and my friend corrected him, “No, she just wants to.” He goes, “So you want to kiss a girl?” and again I correct him, “No, I want to date one and eventually be in a relationship. I don’t just want to kiss one.” He says, “Yeah, but kissing is included in that.” And I reply, “Well if you want a girlfriend, you don’t go around telling people you want to find someone to kiss, even though it’s included.” Seeing that in his mind all he was doing was picturing me making out with some imaginary girl and completely ignoring the fact that I wanted to find some sort of emotional bond with another, I walked away. I’m never going to escape guys reacting this way, am I? Skimming through my dating website inbox, it doesn’t seem like it. No, world –I am not interested in a threesome right now. I like guys but I’m taking a break from dating them in hopes of dating a girl. That’s it!

“Bisexual” On Dating Websites

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Did you know that apparently a lot of couples are on dating websites looking for a third partner? -And apparently they often send messages to girls who have their profiles set to “Bisexual.” Did you know that if you’re a girl and you set your profile to “Bisexual” on a dating website you will get a lot more messages from guys who are close to twice your age and ignore the age range in which you’ve indicating you’re interested in dating. And did you know that girls hardly ever reply to messages on dating websites? Well, I have confirmed all of these things to be true over the last few days. I guess I’m not surprised, but I was just hoping to be. And so, dating websites continue to cause me to sigh as I sign into them. A friend suggested I try going to a lesbian bar. Why did this not occur to me sooner? I suppose I’ll make a post summarizing how that goes when I get a chance to head over there (probably within the next two weeks.)

I would feel more confident in taking my break from guys if only I felt there were any girls I’d like who’d also have interest in me. I can only really confirm two girl-crushes I’ve had and neither of them are available. I’ve also been feeling a little paranoid about how those who know me might perceive this in some sort of negative way. I know I’ve personally yelled an intoxicated “attention-whores!” at two straight girls who were making out at a bar so that guys would buy them more drinks (–Of course, only because I was aware my outburst would never be heard over the music blasting.) I just don’t want anyone else to think I’m trying to attract the interest of guys by doing this. It’s really just something for myself –and the more I think about it, I’m really surprised this idea never occurred to me sooner. I’ve always said I was bi-curious, interested in hooking up with a girl at some point in my life. I know I’d first decided that some time in my early teens. In the past, I’ve also tried to befriend coworkers of the same sex, because I thought they were attractive…I guess I never really considered taking it a step further and actually trying to date the same sex until now. To my surprise, I’m not the only one. I’ve actually come across a few girls dating profiles who have a similar story. Honestly, right now the idea of meeting an interesting girl is a lot more appealing than meeting an interesting guy. I do feel it’s just a phase, but definitely something I’m seriously pursing at the moment.
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No Luck Dating The Same Sex Either

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It’s only been two days and already I’m thinking I’m going to have to change my dating website profile back to “Straight.” It’s kind of a lot like I expected, but hoped wouldn’t be setting it to “Bisexual.” Mostly sleazy guys are going to my profile, and the girls just aren’t sending any messages. I also think it’s mostly straight people using these sites because there seems to be a much smaller selection of those who aren’t. I think I need a new plan to find a girl. I received two messages last night from guys who both acknowledged they fell under my list of turn-offs but messaged me anyway. “I was actually excited to send you a message until I read your turn-offs” and “I thought I would send this message in spite of what’s listed in your turn-offs section” -Really, what’s the point in that? It’s getting very quiet in my dating life and my posts here are starting to thin out…

Girl Phase

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So, now that it has been on my mind a lot more, I think the only way I’m going to satisfy my curiosity is by actually dating a girl. Whatever this phase is, I don’t think I’m going to be done with it until I date at least one girl. Tonight I hesitantly changed my dating website profile from “Straight” to “Bisexual.” I know that many of the girls who claim to be bi on these sites are really just trying to pique the interest of men turned on by that idea. I really didn’t want to come off as one of those girls, ‘nor did I want to attract the guys looking for those types of girls. I think I’ll monitor my messages for a week and if it’s really not turning out as I hoped, I’ll switch it back. Not as I hoped would be every message being “wutz up, wanna hav a 3sum?” from a sketchy guy. I did write a sentence on my profile about the recent change, so I don’t think I’ll be leading anyone on…Maybe it’s not just a phase too…Can you tell my nervous/confused/over-thinking tone through the words in this post?
Anyway, here’s a YouTube video (click the image below) I felt was fitting with the theme of my blog…
rick4

End Of July Updates

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I did it. I just sent my first dating website message to a girl. I guess recently developing my second girl-crush pushed me to it. I have no idea as to what kind of reply I’m going to get, if any. It’s all such unfamiliar territory to me, but I guess my curiosity is winning over my nervousness at this point. I don’t even know what I want the result to be in this experiment. I think it’s more about the experience than the outcome now.

The guy asking me about circumcision from my previous post yesterday finally ended his questioning with some sort of “thank you for your time.” I’m now convinced I was just surveyed for someone’s research project. His final question asked why I never gave much thought to my preference in men being circumcised or not, and asked if it was because only 10% of men in the US aren’t and I’d never been with one. My reply was “Honestly, I really just don’t ever spend much time thinking about penis’s.” That was when the questions ended.

I also have an update from my 7/29 post about relationships on FaceBook: Remember the status update that prompted me to write the post? The same person made a new status update last night, continuing with the entire theme of my post that day. –If you haven’t already, please read “Relationships On FaceBook” to make sense of this…
“hey remember that shit I said 48 hours ago about my relationship ending amicably and whatnot? hahahhahaha oh how young and naive i was”
[Followed by commenting on their own status…]
“the next time you see me sink a half a year into something, if it ain’t a screenplay, punch me in the face. i’m fucking done with this shit”
[And another of their comments…]
“Actually, fuck this. I’m inheriting the dark mindset that caused to hurt me several times in the past 48 hours. I take back what i said. I’m not done with relationships in general, I’m just done with a relationship with her”
[This will be added to the original post as well.]

Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?…

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You know it’s not going too well on a dating site when you spend an hour scrolling through lesbian’s profiles, and even bookmark a few -when you’re straight, and female. You know, just to know what other options are out there. Now, I’m not one of those attention-seeking girls who sets her profile to “bi” just to pique the interest of certain guys, or who makes out with her female friends at a bar to attract men. I’m really just reaching that point where I’m so tired of dating and so tired of the guys profiles on these sites, I’ve pondered the thought, “Maybe it’s not dating I’m tired of, maybe it’s men.” Could this be the problem? There was that one time I had a crush on a girl, anyway. There was something about her firm handshake and asking if I wanted a drink, but remaining a very pretty girl that confused me. There was even a time I found myself imagining that the guy I was dating wasn’t him, and that it was rather her –during a time you probably wouldn’t be thrilled to know it was someone else your date had had on their mind. I’ve started day dreaming “if only you could just change your sexual preference back and forth just like that…” You know, just for something new. Unfortunately, there’s no switch you can just flick, and suddenly find yourself attracted to someone else. But maybe I’ve always just restricted myself to only dating men, without considering other options. I wondered if it was just the little check box at the top of the site which indicated “straight” that was the only thing standing in the way of any of these girls sending me a message and I wondered what would happen if I switched it…Probably nothing, I’d still be straight and possibly on yet another mismatched date I’d have no interest in. Though, the three prettier girls’ profiles sit in the bookmarks tab of my browser and the curiosity remains…

(Okay, so obviously this isn't always true...But you get the joke.)

(Okay, so obviously this isn’t always true…But you get the joke.)