There are some messages I ignore…

If you wouldn’t open with that line in person, why would you use it on the internet? Everyone comes off a bit creepier on the internet than they are in person. We don’t know who you are behind your profile. You might have someone else’s photos up. You might be twenty years older than you claim. You might be a serial killer. Okay, you might be a serial killer if we met you in real life, too –but at least we’d have a little more to use to base our impression of you off of. We’re going to use our best judgment, but that should be kept in mind when you message us. If you’re not having success getting a date with whatever topic you’re using to start a conversation in the real world, maybe you should tone it down a bit when you start that conversation on a dating site? Now, if someone’s profile reads “I have a foot fetish and I’m only on this site to find someone who shares that with me” –By all means, start off with that topic in your initial message. However, if that’s your thing and you’re sending a message to someone who doesn’t sound all that kinky, you might want to tone it down until the conversation gets a little deeper. You know, “Hi,” or “Hey,” or “Hello” are usually a good words to use to start the first sentence if you can’t be more creative than that.

You also might want to try sending these initial messages to someone who the site even remotely suggests may be a good match for you. If your looks aren’t your strongest attribute, you might want to brush up on your verbal skill set. Maybe you shouldn’t be sending the message you’d like to receive from a stranger, and rather the message you think they’d like to receive. If you don’t know what they might like to hear, take a look at what they’ve written in their profile. At least skim their damn profile if you’re not going to read it before messaging them. I know it might be a surprise, but there’s really a lot more to someone than the 3-10 pictures of themselves they’ve uploaded to their dating profile. Read your message to yourself and ask yourself how it would make you feel coming from a stranger you probably wouldn’t have any interest in. Tweak it until it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable and then give it a shot. Picture your message in a row of messages we’ve received and think about the way you’d like it to stand out. Positively or negatively? And if you’re going to disregard all of that anyway? Well, now I know why *you* wound up on a dating site…I mean, if you weren’t putting in a lot of effort in person, and you’re putting in even less online, what did you expect to find here?
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Dating Website Conversation #9

Skimming through old messages I found this conversation from a couple of years ago. I’m really surprised I even responded!…

Random Guy: Okay, so listen, I’ve gotta ask — are you really as ticklish as you look?
Myself: I am not ticklish at all. I was as a kid, but then it went away for some reason.
Random Guy: can’t be. you must still have some spots. fess up
Myself: Nope, none.
Random Guy: you’re too cute to be completely non-ticklish… sorry, i still just don’t buy it. here’s the $64,000 question — does being tickled make you feel submissive?
Myself: It really doesn’t do anything to me.
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.

Dating Website Conversation #8

I’ve got another great example of why I’m tired of dating…The intellectual-conversation-guy hasn’t replied in days and if that wasn’t disappointing enough, my inbox’s recent messages have been replaced with the following conversation from someone else…

Random Guy: hello how are you beautiful
Myself: I’m alright, thanks.
I don’t think we would be a good match, though.
Good luck on your search here.
Random Guy: Oh thank u don’t break my heart now lol
Random Guy: You look amazing Poole are exiting when they saw you …with that elegant body well we can be friends if you Like it
Myself: No, thank you.
The way you write is really unattractive.
Random Guy: Ok I’m sorry I have to be ones with you I have some family problems and was on bad mood that’s why I talk with you unattractive
Random Guy: :(
Myself: It’s the grammar that bothers me.
Random Guy: I’m sorry but do not have a lot of years here
Random Guy: Well you probably born here but I came here lol
Myself: That’s understandable, but being on a dating site (which requires you to write messages) might not be the best place for you to meet people then.
Random Guy: Ok can just call me if you can or text my Internet it is very slow [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: um, no thank you. I’m not interested. Like I already mentioned, I don’t think we’re a good match. I just think it’s rude to ignore people, even on here, so I was just letting you know. You’re not the type of guy I want to date.
Good luck, though.
Random Guy: Ok lol bey
Random Guy: Ok thank you

Oh man, I should call him, record it, and take these posts to a whole new level! (Not quite there, yet…)
And seriously, who’s on 56k in this day and age anyway that they can’t even click “Send” on  online dating site message?
I wonder if some girls are as persistent when turned down as some of these guys are…
—Great news mid-posting (bad news for substance in my posts here)— Intellectual-conversation-guy has just replied after a long awaited 4 days!

(Or let's just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking...)

(Or let’s just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking…)

Dating Website Conversation #4

I know a lot of people are attracted to confidence, but I’ve always generally been one drawn to those who lack most of it. Though I may not be part of the majority on that, I still think it’s a little over the top to claim you’re the one for someone who you’ve never even met before. I mean really, to declare that you’re the one someone has been waiting for –someone who they couldn’t do without- before even speaking to them, is just too much.

Random Guy: I can be so good to you that you will wonder why you have done without me for so long. So lets talk.
Myself: No, thanks…I hate cockiness. Huge turn off for me. Good luck on here, a girl you’d be more interested in would probably like your approach.
Random Guy: Cockiness…confidence. …persistence. ..pride……whatever you want to call it
Myself: Yes, all of those things, I’m just not a fan. Just me, personally =)
Random Guy: you are absurd
Myself: Nah, I just have a high respect for those who are more humble/modest in that sense. I find it more attractive when someone is more sensitive in that way.
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Dating Website Conversation #1

Today I made note of how rude it feels when someone ignores your message on a dating website, so I’ve decided that I will do my best to respond to every message I receive, even when I am not interested. Please note that in this conversation I only started to sound condescending/pretentious when I was frustrated they continued to speak in such an ignorant way after I’d politely expressed my disinterest. I really don’t normally sound so annoying. Expect a bunch of posts to be like the following conversation I just had:

Random Guy: hi baby
Myself: Sorry, you have been mistaken –I’m actually a fully grown adult. Good luck in your search for someone on here. I’m not interested. Have a good day!
Random Guy: Pretty interesting message , I like the way talk .
How about we go to a interesting Restruant in [LOCATION CENSORED] , I guess u will like it .
Myself: I’m not a fan of your grammar, no thank you.
Random Guy: Maybe u will be one day , u never know..
Okay how about max brenner
U don’t have to thank me , just say yes
Myself: This conversation is an extreme turn off.
Random Guy: But I am enjoying it
Random Guy: Don’t be too picky honey , u still have chance to meet me
Myself: I assume you’re enjoying it because other people often ignore your messages. I think it’s rude to ignore someone even on here, and am trying this experiment where I actually politely turn down those I don’t have a spec of interest in, rather than completely ignoring them.
No, thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Random Guy: Hahaha quick question r u bisexual.
Random Guy: I think u only like girl ,
Myself: Bisexuals like both men and women. If I was only interested in women, I would be a lesbian and it would be indicated above, rather than listing me as “straight.” Unfortunately, I’m only interested in well educated men -Though this still qualifies me as being straight.
Random Guy: I just took a nap , I am going out for a caffe , I think u should join and trust me I can get any girl I want I have every thing a girl need
Myself: It’s good you have acquired such a large amount of self confidence. Hopefully you will find someone unlike me who is attracted to that sort of cockiness. Good luck.
Random Guy: Ur very judge mantel
Myself: I believe you were going for “judgmental” and one example of the term is someone who assumes another’s sexual orientation based on their disinterest of one’s own grammar and level of confidence.
Random Guy: U judge people without even knowing them , trust me it will not take u any where
Myself: I don’t judge people without knowing them. I judge who I’d like to meet in person from a dating site based on what they choose to write about themselves on their profile and in their messages. I don’t belittle you as a person. I acknowledge that you have expressed you lack multiple qualities that are important to me personally, in a relationship.
Random Guy: Yes you are right miss [USERNAME CENSORED] , I were going to say judgmental*
Do u think when America people speak they follow grammar ,
Can u please leave this stupid grammar thing
Random Guy: Ur last message make seance to me but I am totally different in person .
I am not in to All this online dating site but I thought it will help me make some new friend but u not helping it
Random Guy: I am very busy with my business , I am just looking for someone with who I can spend some good time , go for caffe , movie , shaping , food , drinks , I think I need a good friend who I can shear my everything
Myself: Yes, when most people would like others to acknowledge their intelligence, they speak and write properly. It’s generally a good indication of their education, though there is definitely room for exceptions. This, however is unrelated to someone being an American. I’m sorry, but it’s my personal preference that I’m uninterested in dating someone with such poor grammar and I’m entitled to that. I wish you luck in finding someone who doesn’t mind the way you write/speak.
Random Guy: Write and speak hum
I guess I know how to cray a conversations
Myself: No, I am not helping you make friends on this site because I am not right for you and I urge you to find someone more compatible. I’m only replying because I don’t think it’s right to ignore someone. I personally find it irritating when someone corrects my spelling in casual conversation, however you may really want to be careful with yours. I really don’t think you’d like someone to shear your everything.
Random Guy: Okay fine if u don’t want to then don’t replay me , I am not a 2 years old boy who will cry on the corner when he can’t get something he want. I am honest guy with good heart .
I am not desperate to find someone here , I don’t play no stupid game to get girls. I am a open book.
I respect u that u were being very nice to me .
Random Guy: And yes I will shear my everything with that person who I can trust .
Random Guy: Oh one more thing
Ur a wonderful person

…I’ll let him have the last word. -But I really don’t think he’ll continue to trust the person who shears his everything! –Er…And if English was just his second language he should’ve made that clear, though I still hold the right to personally not find it attractive when it comes to dating.
…Man, I need to get a life!
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