Just pay attention to the dates in these messages and reconsider not deleting messages in your inbox for this reason…
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Tag Archives: dating website conversations
Should I have at least thanked him for the compliment?
Maybe I was a little bitchy here, but I was bored and hadn’t replied to any messages in a while…
There are some messages I ignore…
If you wouldn’t open with that line in person, why would you use it on the internet? Everyone comes off a bit creepier on the internet than they are in person. We don’t know who you are behind your profile. You might have someone else’s photos up. You might be twenty years older than you claim. You might be a serial killer. Okay, you might be a serial killer if we met you in real life, too –but at least we’d have a little more to use to base our impression of you off of. We’re going to use our best judgment, but that should be kept in mind when you message us. If you’re not having success getting a date with whatever topic you’re using to start a conversation in the real world, maybe you should tone it down a bit when you start that conversation on a dating site? Now, if someone’s profile reads “I have a foot fetish and I’m only on this site to find someone who shares that with me” –By all means, start off with that topic in your initial message. However, if that’s your thing and you’re sending a message to someone who doesn’t sound all that kinky, you might want to tone it down until the conversation gets a little deeper. You know, “Hi,” or “Hey,” or “Hello” are usually a good words to use to start the first sentence if you can’t be more creative than that.
You also might want to try sending these initial messages to someone who the site even remotely suggests may be a good match for you. If your looks aren’t your strongest attribute, you might want to brush up on your verbal skill set. Maybe you shouldn’t be sending the message you’d like to receive from a stranger, and rather the message you think they’d like to receive. If you don’t know what they might like to hear, take a look at what they’ve written in their profile. At least skim their damn profile if you’re not going to read it before messaging them. I know it might be a surprise, but there’s really a lot more to someone than the 3-10 pictures of themselves they’ve uploaded to their dating profile. Read your message to yourself and ask yourself how it would make you feel coming from a stranger you probably wouldn’t have any interest in. Tweak it until it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable and then give it a shot. Picture your message in a row of messages we’ve received and think about the way you’d like it to stand out. Positively or negatively? And if you’re going to disregard all of that anyway? Well, now I know why *you* wound up on a dating site…I mean, if you weren’t putting in a lot of effort in person, and you’re putting in even less online, what did you expect to find here?
Stating The Obvious
So, here’s another weekend bitterly single and replying to messages of those I’m not interested in on dating sites…
Persistence
There’s an option to increase your message storage on OkCupid and not have to worry about deleting old messages to send new ones. This is what it looks like when you don’t have the increased message storage and you send a message to someone who does (-And you’re extremely persistent, pay no real attention to those who you message, have no originality in your messages, are sending a message to someone who has a 0% match to you, and the person you’ve messaged isn’t planning on answering you…) Side Note: Check out the month the Christmas wishes were sent.
Another Useless Conversation
Continuing my recent trend of only having conversations that go no where on a dating site, here’s another…
Yes, it’s Saturday night and I’m spending it home updating this blog…
Usually I’m not this bitchy…But I was in a crappy mood and I’m checking my messages on dating sites and I see this message. Why would your initial message be an insult? How could this dude possibly expect me to react positively to a message asking if my interests have turned me into a “crazy” person, and then try to play it off as a serious question. I was also surprised at how defensive he became considering I just glanced at his profile picture and quickly thought of a return insult without even clicking on his profile. Apparently it was a sensitive topic for him. What I really don’t understand is that a week later (tonight) he sent me that last message on the bottom. (I haven’t responded.) It’s not the first time I’ve ended or ignored a message only to have someone start the conversation new a week later…even when the previous messages are sitting right above it.
Dating Website Conversation #24
Seems like it’s about time to make an update on my dating life…Well, this short-lived conversation happened recently…Also note the time that passed between messages…
Dating Site Experimets
Does anyone actually use dating sites for dating anymore, or is everything “just an experiment?” This person continued this conversation after this screenshot explaining that a friend and him were just trying to gauge reactions to their initial message. It’s not the first time I’ve received these kinds of messages either. So, has everyone really given up on these sites? Is it all just a game now that we’re all this tired of dating?…
Girls Are Creeps Too!
Most of the creepy messages I get on dating sites are from guys, but girls can be creepy too! This message appeared in one of my inboxes from a girl some years older and close to 3,000 miles away from me…
Random Girl: Hiya!
ok, so I know I’m a long way away and a lot older than you….but you seemed so cool, I just had to say hi. So….hi! And hey, maybe I could be your sugar mama LOL!
Anyhoos, hope to talk to you soon. PS – I come your way a lot for work. LOVE [CITY CENSORED]!
Talk soon!
[NAME CENSORED]
I haven’t replied, but she has revisited my profile a couple of times since sending this message.
Oh yeah, I have a dating blog…
I definitely have a couple of anecdotes to share from some bar hopping adventures, but I haven’t been writing because I’ve been feeling less “free” on this blog. I shared it with a couple of friends, (and probably some “friends”) when I first started it and have now begun to censor myself more than I would if it were fully anonymous. I’ll do my best to keep it up, but may have to make some adjustments to keep this blog at my comfort level. To be honest, I almost deleted the entire thing not that long ago, before deciding it wasn’t necessary. As far as the dating sites go, I sort of abandoned a few conversations I felt I was forcing myself to have, but of course the silly messages still occur every now and then –Here are two recent examples:
Random Guy: You’re adorable, so adorable in fact that I’ve decided I’m going to adopt you as my new little sister! Don’t worry, we’ll spend all our time climbing trees and drinking kool-aid. Actually you seem like a cool person, I’d love to get together sometime and let you cook for me haha.. Wait! You’re not crazy, are you!?
Myself: uh..Yeah, I am crazy. But I’m sorry, you seem a little crazier than me anyway and I’m not interested.
Random Guy: Well. Say you were with someone, and you liked them, but you wanted to treat it as something more casual. Then you find out he’s not circumcised. Would you prefer to switch to “just friends”? Versus if you were actually dating someone you really, really liked and wanted a serious relationship?
Myself: Have you messaged me before about something similar? If you haven’t, it’s really f*cking weird this is the second time someone has sent me this kind of message…
[His account was deleted after this]
Dumped Before The 1st Date?
Well, that was a first. Yesterday I got a message from a guy on one of the dating sites. I could tell he wasn’t really my type, but he was cute, intelligent, and interesting enough. We exchanged about four messages describing our jobs, what we do in our free time, etc. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he’d thought it over and realized we should probably try to meet different people on there. Is it really possible to break up with someone you’ve only spent a total of maybe 20 minutes speaking to and never met? I replied to the last few things he mentioned to round off the conversation, agreed that we probably weren’t the best match and wished him luck. But it was just strange because I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’ve somehow been dumped. I didn’t say anything so out there, ignorant, or cruel. I’m really just sort of confused as this has never happened before. I spend so much time shaking off those I’m not interested in, I guess I never really thought about someone doing it to me, so early into a conversation that was going well. I guess most of them usually just stop replying out of the blue when they decide they’re not interested, but to get a message that says “Maybe we just need to both keep looking” -I suddenly feel just about as bad as you can feel getting dumped by someone you didn’t know for more than a day and hadn’t developed any feelings for. I guess that isn’t so bad, but at the same time it doesn’t feel great when you’ve already been somewhat lonely and down. Maybe it was just the way he phrased it that made it all too familiar, and stirred up feelings of being dumped in the past. Sometimes it’s like I’m reliving certain moments, though the present situation may have little to do with my past.
Uninteresting Inbox
The continuation of my non-existent love-life…The most recent message in my dating site inbox:
Not Exactly Random Guy: Hi there how is it going, I’m [NAME CENSORED], so tell me how is your experience so far on this site. Please read my profile, get to know me, and I hope to hear back from you.
Myself: [NAME CENSORED], we went to highschool together.
We have a pretty low match percentage lol
I thought you were with someone last I knew, sorry to hear it didn’t work out. Hope you’re still having a good time with the [HOBBY CENSORED] stuff!
Good luck on here! =)
He was always kind of creepy. Sometimes I wonder how they don’t recognize me, especially when we’ve been friends on FaceBook. It just further proves that people send out mass messages and don’t even pay attention to who they go to…Even I’m not that desperate (yet?)
Dating Website Conversation #23
Calling them out on it…
Random Guy: Hi you are beautiful how are you? Xoxo
Myself: Sorry, I prefer messages with more effort that suggest the person did more than glance at my pictures before messaging me. I’m not interested. Good luck on here! =)
Random Guy: Lol
Bad Date Dodged
I managed to skip the entire dating process which would’ve wound up a complete waste of time with one dude! Maybe I should “test” everyone this way!…
Red Flag Number One: His initial message mentioned messaging me in the past and him not being sure if I received it because he had internet problems. On this site it’s pretty clear if you sent someone a message or not, as there are multiple ways of confirming it. There must have been a reason I hadn’t replied to his message from his previous profile.
For some reason I ignored the first red flag and we started talking. He asked me what I found physically attractive in a guy. I found that kind of strange to ask as everyone has pictures up, and I’d even made note of some of my “turn offs” on my profile. He was pretty upset by the fact that I’m generally not attracted to guys with facial hair. I don’t really know why he wanted me to further delve into why exactly I wasn’t into it, when it wouldn’t really change anything.
Red Flag Number Two: He said that he thought I would make a good girlfriend because I seemed to be good with communication. I do think I’m pretty good with communication in relationships, but to mention the suggestion of some sort of commitment with another after about 20 minutes of chatting online is a little too soon. Still, for some reason I let it go.
And again, “for some reason” I told him I’d meet him because it was hard to get a real idea of someone on these sites and sent him my number with instructions to text me when he’s free. I really wish I hadn’t noticed the typo in my number the first time I sent it to him and hadn’t corrected myself. Now, I expected to receive a text possibly that night, or maybe (preferably) that weekend about plans to meet. I figured we were done with the website and moving to our cellphones.
Mind you our conversation happened over a couple of hours in the same day. He constantly told me about how I was his type and how great I seemed. I really think you should hold off on all of that until you’ve met someone in person. It just doesn’t come off as very sincere and I’ve really never been flattered by comments about my physical appearance on there, as it’s all solely based on just a few pictures I’ve put up.
Red Flag Number Three: He’s going to my profile every ten minutes. I went on a date with someone like that about a year or two ago, who wound up giving me the vibe of a stalker after we met. Good news is that he finally deleted his account a few days ago.
*He texts me “Hi” at 9:31pm.
*He messages me on the site a few minutes later about how attractive he finds me.
*He texts me that it’s him (Side note, I wasn’t a fan of his name from the start) at 9:43pm.
I’m turned off by the amount of times he’s going to my profile and his message about how attractive I am and how he’s so attracted to me, so I decide to answer his text the next day. It’s kind of late, anyway.
*The next morning he messages me on the site, while I’m at work, at 10:30am “I texted you…”
*He texts me again, while I’m at work at 1:36pm “hello? Why are you blowing me off?”
*Just in case I didn’t get that text, he messages me on the site at 1:50pm, “Why are you blowing me off?”
*Finally, at 2:10pm, while I’m at work he messages me on the site “You’re an asshole.”
We haven’t known each other an entire 24 hours, we haven’t met, it’s been about 12 hours since he first texted me, and he’s calling me an asshole…
Normally, I don’t ignore people. I don’t like being ignored, so I don’t do it to others. I had intended on meeting this guy up until he started to seem creepy. I decided I’d give him a chance to redeem himself and text him back after work, -After all, I sometimes go to bed around 9pm and I’d have been at work the next day, so it wouldn’t be that crazy not to answer him right away. A friend said that I didn’t owe him an explanation for not replying in that time frame, but I figured I’d be honest. I didn’t want him to be left wondering why he was ignored “out of the blue” as I had dealt with myself in the past. Maybe he would stop texting me and we could still meet, even. But, he blew it. Obsessively freaking out about me not answering him for a few hours, and not just giving it a day or so first, really isn’t something I find attractive, magnified when I haven’t even met the person. So, I answered him…
Myself: Dude, you’re freaking me, okay?
I haven’t even met you, I don’t even know that it’s been a full 24 hours since you first messaged me, but somehow I already felt like “Okay, I need some space, let me just reply to him later.” I don’t like when people suddenly ignore me for no reason, so I do my best not to do it to others, which is why I’m replying now, but it’s never “for no reason” -I just don’t usually get to find the reasons out when it happens to me personally.
Red flag number one was that you said you’d messaged me before. It’s rare I don’t reply to a message unless I have a real reason…
Then you said something about how you thought I’d make a good girlfriend, and that felt really fast.
It was kind of weird how you were asking what I found attractive in a guy, which added to it, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me…
Then you said you found me so attractive or something, after we agreed we would meet…You’re just going off of my pictures on here -that’s not a sincere compliment to me unless you see me in person so I’ve always hated getting those kinds of messages on here, and between that and you going to my profile every 10 minutes, as someone female I have to let you know it makes me imagine you’re jerking off to my pictures and I find it really creepy.
Then there’s that you text me right away in the same day when I figured we could meet up some time soon, not that very second…Followed by a bunch of messages here telling me you texted me and then just cursing me out?…
You know what, you’re probably a nice, normal dude. Thank you for the compliment(s.) I bet you meant well…But honestly you just came on way too strong, way too fast for me, even just by those few simple actions & words. I’m sorry, I just wound up really turned off by all of this & I was going to give you a chance to cool off and see if you calmed down, but you didn’t. I hope you find what you’re looking for on this site. I do wish you luck and I didn’t mean to offend you if I have.
Obsessive Random Guy: then don’t send over 30 messages to me, give me your number, then simply completely ignore me with no explanation…if you weren’t interested just say it…seriously think about it
good luck bye
Obsessive Random Guy: you’re a sociopath wow… jerking off to your pictures?!?!?..I was reading your profile because I was enjoying it and it is long…..you have some serious issues.
[I didn’t literally think “Omg, he’s jerking off to my pictures!” but it just was just along the lines of finding it creepy he kept going to my profile and then messaging me about my appearance. And seriously, if you need to go back to my page every 10 minutes for two days to read my dating profile, I think you need to work on your literary skills. -And do you see how he says bye and then messages me again!?]
Myself: You sound like you need some more experience in dating, at least when it comes to it through these sites. I messaged you because I had an interest until you freaked me out. It’s been hours since I didn’t reply to you, that’s not completely ignoring someone with no explanation. I have waited a day or more for a reply from some guys, sometimes. From the way you’re overreacting in these messages, I highly doubt we would have been a good match. Nothing I’ve expressed in the above, suggests I have any issues, but rather that you do come off as much clingy than I’m comfortable with. My comment was a combination of you saying how attracted to me you were and the amount of times you were going to my profile. You were/are acting very similar to someone I once met from here who was too clingy, and I’d rather not repeat that. I sincerely do wish you luck on here, although you’ve continued to be rude to me at this time. I’m sorry you were so angered & upset by this.
Obsessive Random Guy: dude it’s a dating site you don’t have to take it so seriously…we had good conversation regardless…I’m sorry you’re so jaded and think every little thing comes off as creepy…I’m not angered at all just surprised at the way you’re reacting to something so ridiculous as me texting you hours later after you gave me your number. You need to really chill out and take a look at the situation as a whole…
and so what I gave you a compliment? Big deal…to me there is nothing wrong with my approach…Plenty of women would appreciate my consideration and giving a shit about their thoughts and feelings.
[Why doesn’t he get that it was the amount of times he texted and messaged me, not that he’d texted me a few hours after we first spoke?]
Myself: Yeah…Right.. *I* shouldn’t take it so seriously…Yes, that is good advice…*I* should “chill out”…Well, glad to hear you’re not angered or upset and that you just always speak this way..apparently. It’s pretty clear, we’re obviously not right for each other. Hope you find someone for you.
[Because he didn’t sound angry at all, right? I asked him to calm down, so he told me to calm down. Obsessively messaging me and stalking my dating profile isn’t exactly just finding “every little thing” creepy. And yeah, if there is nothing wrong with his approach, why is he messaging someone who ignored him the first time?…]
Bad Date Averted.
After Vacation Update
Well, no romances were formed on my vacation. When I returned I shot the Canadian guy a text which went ignored. I guess a month is too long in-between a first and second date, and I will just have to find someone who thinks I’m worth waiting for and all that blah blah blah stuff. I have been exchanging messages with a few guys on dating sites recently that have potential at the moment, but seeing as how every date I’ve ever been on eventually wound up, I’m not getting my hopes up. No girls have messaged me lately (as usual) and I haven’t come across anyone I particularly felt compelled to message. I actually wasn’t planning on replying to any messages recently, as I’ve been trying to busy myself with the hunt for a new apartment, but when I discovered the messages I’d received were from men with attractive pictures, I decided it might be alright to meet someone new, seeing as it’s been a while now. I’m not sure if that completely qualifies as simply being shallow, but well of course if they sounded like completely ignorant jerks as well, I wouldn’t have bothered! Oh, and there was of course this lovely conversation I had on one site recently…
Random Guy: happy anniversary babe!!!!!!!
Myself: Message designed to desperately get a reply?
Random Guy: Look at your disgusting frail figure lick my asshole
Myself: Wow what male weirdos this site attracts! Good luck with whatever it is you’re doing on here, I suppose.
[I actually went to my profile, looked at each picture just to double check, thought “I don’t look frail, I look hot, that guy’s nuts!” before typing that reply.]
Dating Website Conversation #22
This conversation occurred on one of the dating sites about a week ago…
Random Guy: Well based on your television and comedians list we have basically the same sense of humor. Louis CK is amazing.
Also, I’d love to see more mermaid pics of you.
[I’m in a costume in one of my profile pictures.]
Myself: Louis Ck’s great.
Yeah, whenever people mention that picture I find it kind of creepy…Like more of my skin is showing in it than in my other pictures…Or were you actually interested in the entire costume which can’t even be seen in the picture? I actually spent about 12 hours making the costume. It was my first time sewing -it’s actually made of 2 or 3 scarves I got at a 99 cents store. But no one would know that from the picture.
Random Guy: Aw, I’m sorry if that was creepy. It’s not that more of your skin was showing, it’s that I’m really into animal girl costumes – mermaid fins, cat ears, wings, tails, etc. (of course that might be a creepy thing to say as well, pretty bad first impression)
Myself: uhh, yeah that’s definitely creepier.
Random Guy: Oh well, sorry I brought it up then.
So, any interest in getting coffee with me sometime?
Myself: meh…probably not really.
Random Guy: Understandable. Thanks for responding even after I was weird, good luck on here.
Myself: eh, that wasn’t so bad. I think everyone’s weird and weird is better, but you can’t start off with that initially because it signals the bad kind of weird, you know…But I make that mistake a lot, which is why I don’t mind so much.
It’s mostly that you’re a little younger than I’d prefer to date men.
Myself: Good luck to you too.
Recently Ignored Messages
Honestly, I haven’t been posting a lot because I haven’t been replying to a lot of messages. Here are a few from my dating site inbox over the last couple of weeks, which I chose not to answer for various reasons…
Random Bald Guy: Hi, love your hair!
[I resisted the temptation to reply with “I bet you do.”]
Random Guy: You look just like this one celebrity, but I don’t know if I should tell you who…
-R
[That’s actually sort of a clever way to get a response. I bet some girls really want to hear who it is.]
Then there were a whole lot of those short, generic, “Hey how are you?” messages of course, and one guy who messaged me a while ago when I’d decided to take a break from guys and who admitted to not reading any of my profile before messaging me. He followed up to ask if I was dating guys again. I basically told him that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone now and that I wanted to “find myself,” figure some stuff out in my life and so on. He replied…
Random Guy: I love that attitude. I was the same way after a bad breakup a few years ago. I think that’s the perfect way to approach dating. You need to love yourself first.
Maybe you and I aren’t so different :)
[I told him I hadn’t been dealing with any recent break-ups, and it was just an in general sort of figuring my life out thing.]
Random Guy: Well let me know if you ever want to grab a drink and talk about it.
[Why would I go on a date because I don’t want to date?]
Random Guy (2 Days Later): Or not haha
Dating Website Conversation #20 & 3/4
You remember this conversation, which was followed by this one? Well, it didn’t stop after that, but I’m finally starting to think that this will be the final part, as I’ve stopped replying…
Random Guy (4 Days After Calling Himself A Hipster): Guess you won’t date a hipster
Myself: Typically hipsters are not a style I find attractive, no.
Random Guy: I landed a date !
Random Guy: It took 2 weeks !
Myself: Good job, takes some people months or years at times.
Random Guy: She’s a Doctor thought not sure we have much in common
Random Guy: She’s so hot I don’t think she’ll be into me
Random Guy: Were gonna go to [EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT CENSORED]
Myself: Have a good time.
Random Guy: Thanks I’m so nervous ! Would you wanna meet up for dessert after as friends ?
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Ok I just showed my buddy [NAME CENSORED] your profile from work he wants to know if you’d give him a shot but he’s not on here really awesome dude
Myself: No thanks
Random Guy: Ok thanks for being my mentor
Random Guy (6 Days Later On Thanksgiving): Wanna get turkey ?
I was going to reply, but…I didn’t? Who invites someone they’ve never met to have turkey on Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t they assume there was some big family dinner with turkey going on, or something? And how made up does his date sound? Isn’t that something they say girls want? “A guy who’s hot and a doctor.” And the whole going to some expensive restaurant for a first date is really not my scene, so if it was an attempt to make me jealous, he definitely further pushed me away. Did he really think after all the times I said I wasn’t interested he was somehow going to make me jealous of not dating him? I wonder if the friend he mentioned even existed or he was just going to meet me pretending to be someone else. Oh and the getting dessert after his date? Yeah, that’s normal. I hope he had fun on his imaginary date. Seriously, sometimes it’s clear why some people are single. Okay, I guess I do hope he actually had a date and it worked out because there is definitely someone out there equally odd as him and it would be nice for them to find each other. I don’t believe there’s someone for everyone in the soul mate sense, but I definitely think there is such a variety of people in the world, that there are good odds there is a combination which works out for nearly everyone to find someone they would be happy with. Though, as I am TiredOfDating, I’m not sure how likely I feel the odds of actually meeting one of those “good fit for you” people are.
Dating Website Conversation #20
You know, guys are a lot more persistent than girls on these dating sites. Sometimes I feel like I could say anything turning down a date, and the guy will try to convince me otherwise, anyway. Today a friend said he would rather someone turn him down instead of ignoring him on these sites, and for the most part I would agree. I don’t enjoy most of my messages being ignored, so it’s not something I’d like to do to someone else. I’ve spent a lot of time replying to messages from guys I’m not interested in, just to politely turn them down. The problem is that it never ends there. A lot of the time it ends up in some weird argument with zero chance of a positive outcome. Who really wants to be on a pity date, anyway?! Tonight I got a follow up message from a guy who’s message I’d ignored a few days ago, so I decided to turn him down and yet again somehow it didn’t end there…
Random Guy: Hey I’m [NAME CENSORED]
Random Guy (5 Days Later): Why so anti I’m not shirtless
Myself: I’m not anti-social, but you didn’t send a very interesting initial message and you’re not my type attraction-wise.
Random Guy: Well you’re my type can we grab a bite and see if it there’s anything there ? I guarantee you a good time
Myself: Thanks, but I think the “my type” & “your type” kind of thing has to be mutual to work.
Random Guy: Well i might surprise you in person look you have nothing to lose and I’m treating make a fireman smile
Random Guy: We can paint at [COMPANY NAME CENSORED] it’s byob or go to the top f the [BUILDING NAME CENSORED] Building ? I have VIP passes
Myself: Thanks for the offer, but I’m just not interested.
Random Guy: Ok shallow girl just remember looks fade
Myself: Right, but I’m not shallow, I didn’t say you weren’t attractive enough for me. I just said you’re not my type. Everyone is entitled to their preference. You really don’t need to be so defensive about it. When my messages get ignored, I don’t take it so personally. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: Well I bet it hurts when you get rejected I was nothing but nice and respectful to you and call me a little sensitive but it hurts ok it’s cool though
Myself: I have sent a few follow up messages after my initial message wasn’t replied to a couple of times, and unless you want to know the real reason someone didn’t answer you, don’t push them for a date. If someone is interested, they will reply. Honestly, I didn’t harshly reject you. I just don’t have typical taste in guys, is all. I’m sorry you were somehow hurt by this, but you really will run into a lot of that on these sites and you can’t really feel the same about it as you would meeting someone in person. Also know that most girls don’t reply to most messages. I know from my own experience in messaging them.
Random Guy: I know but you’re one girl that’s profile is very different and I was intrigued too be honest I’m a little persistent and I just felt you would make an awesome girlfriend I’m tired the whole dating game
Myself: It’s not all that different. There are a lot of girls on here. You’ll find a better match for yourself. Some even like that persistence, so it’ll be a better fit. I’m also tired of dating, but it doesn’t mean you can just settle.
Random Guy: You’re right and I appreciate you being nice and explaining this to me
[Well, that ended well…Unless he blows up all angry and messages me again in a few days. (That happened once.)]
Dating Website Conversation #18
I have learned that no matter how long you spend on a dating website, no matter what you write on your profile, and no matter how socially acceptable it is to be on a dating website, you will never stop receiving messages from some guys who just want to sleep with you…
Random Guy: Hey you seem like you could be really awesome to hang out with and do more, you up for something “casual?” I don’t think casual needs much clarification.
Myself: Are you a complete stranger sending me an initial message asking if I would like to meet you to have sex with you, though my profile doesn’t specify I’m interested in anything like that? If not, please do specify “casual” with your little quotation marks…I mean did you go with that because “Hello, person I have not met before, I think it would be awesome to have sex with you and I was just wondering if you were up for it?” didn’t have a nice ring to it?
Random Guy: [WEBSITE LINK CENSORED]
Myself: Yeah, I’m not going to click a random link after the above conversation…
Random Guy: yeah well its about social conditioning. google it.
Myself: Meh, didn’t care enough to google it, sorry.
Myself: Oh and no thank you to the sex. Really? Do people not listing “looking for casual sex” on their profile go for that as an initial message? Well, good luck to you…
Sending Crazy Messages To Crazies
Crazy Girl is back! Well, that’s what I’ve been calling her anyway. (I mention her sending me “interesting” messages in this post.) She just sort of starts off with these explicit kind of messages, and just sort of messages me “What did she just say?!” things that I feel the need to read to my friends. I haven’t actually posted any of our conversations because I haven’t yet decided that I want to share them, since we may actually meet. But, yes, after some weeks (months?) she has suddenly messaged me back again. Every time I read one of her messages I close the browser the moment I’m done, take a breath, and eventually reply to her a few hours later. I guess I’m not usually as open as she is until someone gets to know me. Of all the people I’ve been chatting with lately, she’s definitely the one I’m the most curious about meeting, though probably the least likely any real relationship would start up with. I’m pretty sure she is the person in her pictures but that some of her stories must be made up. So, she’s the one I call Crazy Girl. I’m sure someone will top it and become Psycho Girl one day…I hope that’s not what anyone calls me now? We all know there’s “good crazy” and “bad crazy” and I do my best to stay “good crazy.” I did also send out some humorous messages to some guys recently. I guess I didn’t feel like putting the effort in to get a reply and I just started out all funny/quirky. As I haven’t received any replies, I guess you really do need to make some sort of better first impression on the internet rather than giving someone the impression that you’re silly all the time. It’s not really fair that we assume someone is everything they say in an initial message, but I of course do the same, as I have no choice but to play along in the same game. By this one guy’s profile, he totally seemed like he would think I was just being amusing in my message and not “bad crazy,” but it went ignored so I guess he assumed I was some nuts cat lady. I know I could have crafted some great initial message, and I suppose I would have if I really wanted him to reply…But I’ve been feeling so jaded by all this dating (Surprised by the blog name?) and where’s the fun in it anymore?…
Myself: Hello,
Did it bother you that when you checked the “has cats” box on here, it stays plural even if you only have one cat? It bothered me a little, so I got a second cat. That’s not entirely true, I just wanted a second cat and one was available, but the thought “Now my dating profile will have a totally honest sentence in that section!” did cross my mind…
PS- I’m not a cat lady (probably.)
…Fine, he can ignore my message but I still think it’s hilarious.
Skim Profiles Before Messaging
Tired of all of the messages from people I’d have no interest in (messaging me after looking at my pictures without glancing at my profile), I decided to call them out on it. Here are a few of the conversations…
Random Guy: hey, i’m [NAME CENSORED] :)
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: its a few things. first, very few girls actually respond back, if you take the take the time and read all the profiles, you’ll never get to talk to anyone. second, physical attraction is like 90% of what guys look for first.
Myself: Nothing wrong with physical attraction, but like you said -FIRST-
Once the decision to message someone has been made how do you guys not even skim the profile? Mine’s long -I don’t at all expect anyone to read every word (though once in a while some people do) but how does anyone not even skim it? I mean people who you’d never get along with in a million years messaging you…And yeah, about girls responding -TELL ME ABOUT IT. As I mentioned on my profile for anyone skimming, I’m currently interested in dating a girl, not a guy. 95% of the time you never get a reply.
[He actually clicks on my profile now, because of course he didn’t notice my mention of dating girls.]
Random Guy: well if they message back, ill read the profile. I just thought you were really cute :) You’re not open to a guy at all right now?
Myself: And what if you don’t like what you read on their profile, just ignore them like they always do to you?
Thanks.
Nope, I’ve been with them for [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years and I’m taking a break. I just don’t have the interest at the moment.
[Why should we “waste” our time reading these messages rather than them “wasting” their time skimming a profile first?]
Random Guy: nah, i think actually talking to someone is a better way to get to know them. it’s not a job interview haha. well i’m sorry to hear a beautiful woman like you has no interest in my gender. after reading your profile, i think we’d actually get along good :)
[Get along “good” or “well?]
Myself: Well yeah but there are so many people not worth talking to on here. It’s not real life. It’s a tool used to weed out those you wouldn’t have an interest in and find those you’d like to meet and get to know in real life. You’ve even admitted you start speaking to people completely based on their appearance. How does it suddenly change to an importance in getting to know someone if their appearance is most important?
Yeah, I guess I’m just bored/tired of dating guys. I believe it’s temporary and eventually I’ll probably date a guy again, just not any time soon.
Random Guy: well good looks can only keep a guy interested for so long. i’m hoping to find someone that keeps my interest.
Myself: So skim the words they write before you message next time =)
Good luck
[And really what’s with the extremely short, boring messages? I’m expected to read through their profile when they didn’t read mine and can’t put in the effort to write a decent message?]
Random Guy: hii there
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Why u saying si?
Random Guy: So
Random Guy: Just said hi
Random Guy: :)
Myself: Because I’m getting a lot of messages from people who wouldn’t be a good match for me. I’m not sure why I should read through them all when they’re not even skimming my profile before deciding to send their messages…
Random Guy: you gotta used to have such kind of messages here
Myself: Sorry, I don’t even understand what you’re saying. …Which is what I mean, on so many levels it doesn’t seem like we would be a good match, yet you’ve still sent me a message.
Random Guy: you know what kind of web sited it is right?
Myself: Yeah, this website is a search engine right? It works like google. I can use it to research my favorite celebrities, right?
Random Guy: :)
Random Guy: you funny
[Damn, I was really hoping he’d fall for my playing-dumb joke]
Random Guy: it is pretty hard for you to find your match over here
Myself: Which is why I don’t understand why I should waste even more time speaking to people who clearly aren’t a good match for me. It’s hard enough, why should I read through messages of bad matches who didn’t even skim through my profile when I could be spending my time speaking to/searching for a more compatible match? (And the person messaging me could be doing the same.)
Random Guy: good bye beautiful
Random Guy: have a nice fishing
Myself: Yep, you too.
[Wow, for once I didn’t have to be the one to end the conversation!]
Random Guy: i am [NAME CENSORED] by the way
[Damn, I guess I spoke too soon.]
Random Guy: nice to meet you
Random Guy: are you from [CITY CENSORED]?
Myself: Yeah, I am.
Good luck with your search on here!
Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: half the time no one reads my profile so y should i
Random Guy: they are surprised that im cheap even though it says so on my profile
[Wait, what?!]
Myself: Why should someone else spend the time reading your message if you didn’t even skim their profile? What makes your time more valuable?
Random Guy: exactly
Myself: So because someone didn’t read your profile, how does it seem fair to message someone else and expect them to read your message when you didn’t even skim that person’s profile?
Random Guy: dont know. ask the person that wrote the profile
Myself: That’s ridiculous. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: ok
[Someone trying to get the last word in?…]
Random Guy: Heyy
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Idk
[Ha! Short, simple, over, done.]
Random Guy: Hi I’m [NAME CENSORED]. How’s it going?
Myself: Hi,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Hmmm. Not really sure.
That mimics real life though right?
Myself: But that’s the thing. This isn’t real life. This is something used to find people who you’d like to meet in real life. One can notice attraction first, but how do you guys not even skim a profile after you’ve made the decision to message someone?!
Random Guy: I’m not really sure. How am I supposed to answer for a population of users that I probably don’t have all that much in common with?
Myself: So I guess you’re just yet another guy who messaged me only seeking friendship, after reading on my profile that I was currently interested in dating girls and not guys?
Random Guy: Well your profile is long. Do you really expect everyone to read the entire thing while contemplating whether or not to message you? I knew things you liked, didn’t like, media you prefer… All before saying hello.
But because I didn’t read the one line of a hundred that you wanted me to I’m the asshole?
[It’s in bold, with a star in front, and on its’ own line. If you just quickly skim my page, it’s hard to miss. It actually used to be in bold in three other sections as well, and still went ignored.]
Right. It’s the fault of the worlds population of men. We’re pigs. Nevermind that your profile contradicts itself. Great attitude.
Myself: Of course not. I never intended for anyone to read all of it which is why I said SKIM it.
I have been getting a lot of messages from people who would never be compatible with me & nearly no messages from those who would be.
You called yourself an asshole, not me. I simply asked why so many guys aren’t even getting any idea of who I am as a person & sending me messages based purely on attraction so much of the time. I put things in bold so that someone could skim my profile and in 5 seconds focus on what they’d need to know when it would come to dating me.
Again, you called your gender pigs, not me.
Good luck with your search on here =) …Maybe your appearance first, profile later approach will work with someone after all.
[He got extremely defensive and it went on for a while after that. It’s not really worth posting the whole argument.]
So, I guess it’s just me reading the majority of someone’s profile after skimming their page, looking at their pictures, and deciding to send them a message…
Dateless Again
So, Saturday’s date never happened. No big surprise there. She was extremely flakey when we were trying to schedule a meet up, so I was mostly expecting her to flake out again. And of course after the way Friday’s date went, I don’t think I’ll being seeing her again. …So, I suppose I’m back at the start again, (again, again, again, again.) So, let’s look at the promising messages in my inbox today!…
Random Guy: Hey there me an my girl are looking for a partner she is 35
Myself: No thanks, I’m not looking for couples.
Random Guy: What are you looking for
[Because you will suddenly be able to be whatever I’m looking for?]
Myself: A girl under 30 to date/eventually have a relationship with.
[Okay, so maybe I’m not that strict with age and would date someone 30, but he doesn’t need to know that]
Random Guy: What about a guy
Myself: Nope, did that for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years, taking a break from them at this time.
Random Guy: Ok I’m single the girl I’m wit is just a friends we have sex sometimes
[Oh, well then that changes everything, why didn’t you say so in the first place…]
Myself: Yeah, not what I’m interested in.
Random Guy: Ok but
[No! No but’s! This is not a situation where a “but” fits in! We’re done here!]
Myself: Good luck on your search!
Random Guy: You to if you wan to have fun let me no
[Yeah, you’ll be the first person on my mind if I decide I “wan to have fun”]
Random Guy: Hi. How are you? [NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Hi, I’m alright. Interested in someone under 30 and female, though.
Random Guy: Ok. I know someone who fits that desperation. But let me check with her first.
[NAME CENSORED]
[Uhh, what are you like a salesman? Oh, you need a size 4? I think I have a size 4, let me check!]
Myself: Thanks, but I’m just gonna stick to finding them on my own.
Random Guy: Lol. Ok. No worries. Good luck.
Dating Website Conversation #13
So the silly messages I reply to on the dating websites when I’m not interested continue to form silly conversations…
Random Guy: I just stared at your profile for 30 minutes trying to think of what to say to get you to say “take me now, daddy” and this is the most I’ve had to work for a girl.
Myself: Girls really reply positively towards messages you send like this?
Random Guy: yes.
i’m [NAME CENSORED], and this is my cat
[LINK TO CAT PICTURE CENSORED]
what’s your name?
Myself: That’s surprising.
Guess I’m not one of those girls.
Not really interested in sharing my name either, I don’t think we’re a good match.
Random Guy: they know it’s a joke. i don’t think i’m old enough to pull off being called daddy.
i actually didn’t think we were a good match either. but i made this profile when i was looking for something else. now when i see your profile, i don’t know, things just seem to make more sense.
Myself: Well, I have a better sense of humor & I’m not interested.
Also, since you were paying such close attention to my profile, I suppose you just decided to ignore the part about how I’m interested in dating a girl at this time?
Random Guy: it’s condescending to say you have a better sense of humor. and your profile says looking for guys and girls who like bi guys.
[He probably meant to type “girls” instead of “guys” at the end.]
Myself: I said I had a better sense of humor as a way of saying I didn’t find your joke funny. My profile says “At the moment, I’m interested in dating girls, not guys.” (which is an exact copy and paste.)
Random Guy: Different =/= better
Myself: Right, but I phrased it that way to express that I wasn’t a fan of the joke…
[But seriously anyone who thinks that line from a stranger is funny and feels intrigued to hear more can’t possibly have a good sense of humor.]
Even More Dating Website Conversation Fails
I still have yet to receive any initial messages or replies to messages from any girls on dating websites, but I continue to receive a lot of messages from guys. Here is what I found in my inbox today…
Random Guy: every see that girl on the street that catches your eye and you need to get to know her… can it happen on the internet? i think it just did :)
Myself: eh…Sorry, I’m not into those corny kind of lines.
Random Guy: hey sexy lady how you doing tonight ? Up for a drink or smoke
Myself: Sorry, as I mentioned on my profile, I’m currently interested in dating someone female
Random Guy: Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t read that lol. Good luck
Myself: Yeah, you should read profiles before messaging people…You’ll find a better match. I actually wrote it three times. Thanks, good luck to you too
[I mean I know “guys only look at the pictures” and I don’t expect anyone to read every word, but come on, you have to at least skim the profile if you’re going to message someone!]
Random Guy: first let me start of by saying how incredible u look beautiful , i mean gorgeous! now this is not be the best opening liner, but i wanted to know if the idea of pursuing an interracial interaction something u would be interested in? specifically with a [RACE CENSORED] man?!
I may not be the best looking guy in the world, but if theres one thing i know how to do is have a good time! Ull feel really good after a night out with with me, promise ;)
Myself: Sorry, as I mentioned on my profile, I’m currently interested in dating someone female.
Random Guy: dont u want a guy on the side until u find what ur looking for! soldier have a reputation of getting the job done?!
Myself: I’ve spent [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years dating guys, I’m taking a break.
Random Guy: i wasnt talking about dating, lol! but okay, good luck to u!
[We exchange a few messages where I explain why I’m not interested in starting a sexual relationship with him and he continues to question me about if I’ve been with different races, or with someone who’s a “girl or female” –Because you know, they’re pretty different.]
Random Guy: u would actually be the first girl i have been with in like forever, lol!
[Was I supposed to take pity on him or something?]
Myself: But I won’t be. Sorry, I’m not interested.
Random Guy: ok, well theres nothing i could say to change ur mind! when u feel an itch, u can hit me up!! its all related though, even if ppl cant see it or feel it right away, its all related!
[Yeah, because I’m going to think of him after this conversation ends.]
*SIGH*
Dating Website Conversations From The Last Week Of July
Okay, the most recent dating website message I received was from a guy who wanted to know my feelings on circumcision. Actually, it wasn’t x-rated, -He messaged me about studies done in the UK and the US and different findings when it comes to health. I told him I was aware some people were for it and some against the practice, but that I really wasn’t interested in having the debate with him. I guess that’s one way to start a conversation, though? He said that he didn’t want to have the debate either, but continued to question my opinion on it as if he was using me as a participant in some research project of his own. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s all it was considering how many miles away in some other state he was. So, the strangeness of these sites continues. (And I do consider myself to be a contributor in the strangeness as well, of course.)
Then there are the guys that seem to mean well and be sincere but come off a little too over the top. Of course your first message should be interesting, but if you’re going to get this deep before I’ve said a word to you, it comes off as a little much. He wrote a long message about “connecting with mind and soul,” having “conversations that induce cathartic emotive transcendence,” and that I was the only one on this “portal” who matched his interests and that he found intriguing. I mean, finally someone sounds intelligent on here- But isn’t there some sort of in-between guy? He’s probably a good guy, but somehow just isn’t my type. He put effort into his message, but I guess sometimes one can still feel turned off -especially if there’s no physical attraction. I think it was the fact that he ended his message with a poem that made me most uncomfortable…
“But all the clock in the city began to whir and chime:
Oh let not time deceive you, you cannot conquer time.
In headaches and in worry vaguely life leaks away,
and time will have his fancy tomorrow or today.”
Then this conversation happened after I’d ignored an uninteresting message from an uninteresting profile…
7/20 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/27 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/30 Myself: Sorry, I can’t reply until you ask me the same thing a third time.
7/30 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How are you doing?
7/30 Myself: Haha, it was a joke…But sorry, I’m not interested anyway.
7/30 Random Guy: Mine was a joke too. Austin powers. Can’t ask me the same question 3 times. Lol.
And it’s looking like it’s going to be a dateless start of August…
(If you’re picturing this guy when reading his message, you’re probably not going to want to date him…)
Still No Luck Dating
Wow, three days without a post. I guess that’s what happens when you make a blog about dating and experience dateless days. Maybe I should turn this into weekly updates rather than daily. Anyway, I don’t really have anything going on in my dating life right now. I did do a little bar hopping with some friends this weekend and found myself noticing the girls more than guys. I think it was a combination of browsing too many lesbian profiles on these dating sites, wanting to feed my curiosity, and my increasing boredom with men/tiredness of dating. I’m actually considering messaging some of the girls who’s profiles I’d bookmarked, after a conversation with a straight girl I had yesterday. She told me about her one girl crush and that she had a good experience the one time she dated a lesbian. …And in other news, I haven’t been getting too many messages on the sites from anyone interesting, so I just have some short conversations turning guys down…
Random Guy: hey there!
Myself: Hello…Didn’t leave much room for any other reply, really…
Random Guy: hi beautiful how you doing tonight.
Myself: I’m alright, but you forgot an “are.”
Random Guy: ok ? lol
Random Guy: how are you doing…u serious lol
Myself: I’m still alright, and yeah -You lost a “y” and an “o” that time.
[hehe how annoying am I?…I wanted to make a comment about him missing question marks too.]
Random Guy: #yesplease
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Hahaha ouch
More Dating Website Conversation Fails
Well, this is the last of what I could find skimming through the old messages in my dating website inboxes…Besides a few old conversations saved in some word documents, this will probably be the last post of my old conversations. After this I guess it’ll be newly exchanged words, and my opinions and experiences in the world of dating…
Random Guy: hey :)
[5 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: do you like little boys or something?
[…What?!]
Random Guy: Hi! Where in [CITY CENSORED] do you live?
Myself: A [NEIGHBORHOOD DESCRIPTION CENSORED] area
Random Guy: Ok, I think I know where that is. I’d love to meet and chat.
[In my city there are at least 4 well known neighborhoods fitting my description. 30 minutes later…]
Random Guy: I’m also a bad, non kosher, pork eating Jew.
[An hour later…]
Random Guy: Don’t worry, I’m circumcised
[And this is where I officially stop replying.]
Random Guy: I will keep it short and simple. I read your profile. Pretty Interesting. I think you are creative and attractive. By the way, you look great. I have a question for you??
Myself: Thanks, but I’ve yet to find I have any interest in someone with under a 70 or 80% match rating with me on this site.
[After reading up on this site’s algorithms and skimming through profiles over the last few years, I’ve found that I never have interest in someone with a 20-40% match rating. This person was in that range. It’s designed to work accurately enough. Of course you might like someone with a 72% match over someone with a 95% match in real life –But there’s still a huge difference between someone with a 20% match and an 80% match to you.]
Random Guy: Haha. Don’t trust this site to match you. This is cheap site created by few horny guys. That’s the fact.
Myself: Have you read about the math behind the matching? Have you read the articles they posted about what the % means? And that is not a fact because I actually know two people working for the site and that is false about both of them. I don’t think “Oh this person is such a good match for me because of their %” -I’m not an idiot. However, I have YET to find someone I’m even SLIGHTLY interest in who doesn’t have a % over 70. This is because the way people on the site answer their questions generates that %…Well, I’m not going to go into it too much, you can just read about it as I did if you’re interested.
Random Guy: This is all bull. It’s easy to fool regular people like you. Have smart life in future.
Myself: Yes, I’ve been completely fooled by your poor English I was so attracted to. Good luck finding a fuck buddy on here. Good news for you is that people with a close match % to yours will probably be into you as well. Good luck =)
[The “fuck buddy” part was referring to something from his profile…And the fact that he believed it was just “horny guys” controlling the site.]
Dating Website Conversations That Went Nowhere
I went through some more messages in my dating website inbox. Here are some bad conversations which went nowhere on one site. Most of these are from a year ago or more…
Random Guy: mmmm
Myself: Yeah, you put a lot of thought into that message, I really want to reply.
Random Guy: You totally did reply, though.
: (
Myself: Yes, I replied with sarcasm.
Random Guy: I beleive in santa claus?
Myself: Fake profile as it’s hardly filled out, or attempt at being unique and hoping for a reply…
Random Guy: who has time 4 this
[Obviously not the guy who doesn’t have the time to spell out “for”…]
Random Guy: I’m wondering if you’d like to hang out with me this week.
Myself: I think it’ll take me a while to meet someone in person from here.
Random Guy: “My Turn Off’s: Not being open minded, ” [This is something he copy and pasted from my old profile.]
Myself: I don’t see how the two are related. One is a safety/comfort issue.
Random Guy: hi. you are way out of my league but maybe we can be besties? im great at errands and, um, all of that. wait nevermind how embarassingg. haha sorry! you rule! can i just paypal you for no reason?! eek
[I told him I wasn’t over someone, which was true at the time…It’s nicer than adding the part about how strange the message is.]
And then there was the time I gave a real answer to a guy I wasn’t interested in…
Random Guy: Why is it so hard to meet someone it feels right to be with.
Myself: Everyone is very different in many different ways. It’s rare to find someone who’s weaknesses pair well with your strengths (and vice versa), who has things in common with you enough to generally be on the same page with you in most situations, and who’s faults you can stand because of enough positivity in the rest of their personality traits. People have different priorities in relationships and you have to find someone who is strong enough in the categories most important to you, and what they lack only shows up in areas that don’t matter so much to you.
Tired Of Dating 