I knew this conversation from a few days ago ended too well. I think the fact that I reply when I’m not interested really just encourages them. I should stop giving them so much hope. The last few days he has continued to message me…
Random Guy: I keep getting rejected should I feel bad or ugly or just not good enough ? I sent out like 50 e mails
Myself: No, it happens to everyone on here. Just make sure your messages are more than just a sentence, mentions something that interested you from their profile to show you read it, and asks them a question to give a reason to respond. If you’re sending initial messages like the one you sent me to everyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if you never get a reply. These sites aren’t the same as meeting someone in person and you need to be a little more creative to get a response. Most girls inboxes on here have 40 messages that say “hi what’s up?” “hey, how are you?” “hi” “hey” “hello, i’m so and so” and so to stand out, they’re going to have to see an interesting message that they’re intrigued by.
Random Guy: But it’s so hard to read every profile and right a paragraph . I just look at the pictures at this point
Myself: Then you have no right to complain or stress over your message return rate. If you’re not putting in the 5 minutes of effort to skim someone’s profile and write them a couple of sentences, you can’t expect them to do the same for you. Messaging someone based on their pictures alone might work if you’re both only looking to hook up with someone, but if you’re not actually skimming through what they write, you might be wasting your time messaging 30 people you wouldn’t be interesting in dating anyway. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone only looked at your pictures and didn’t read your profile -and for the most part those people (including myself) ignore those kinds of messages. I don’t even usually bother going to their profile when I get those kinds of messages, so it doesn’t even matter what they may look like or have written.
Random Guy: Oh well I read yours twice
Myself: Not that hard, huh? Keep reading, there are a lot more girls out there.
Random Guy: I was in [NEIGHBORHOOD CENSORED] last night
Myself: Yeah, good to go out.
Random Guy: Ya I’m hipster
[Okay, this guy does not know what a hipster is and can this conversation be over yet?…]
This whole conversation is exactly what I wish I could say to every guy who sends me a “hey sexy” message, only to follow it up with “what, don’t want to talk to me?” A little bit later. But like you said, it encourages them when you reply and I don’t want to open the can of worms. If you don’t have 5 minutes to read an entire profile, just look at what they are looking for and if it says anything other than “intimate encounter”, move on.
Yeah, I just don’t get some of their logic…But if I can get the message out there a little at a time, maybe they’ll learn =P
I stopped responding awhile ago to messages of no content- it always leads to either a contentious or utterly dull conversation. I’m glad you’re giving it to them straight.
I never reply except to turn them down. I hate being ignored, so I try not to do it to others…Sometimes I have to, but I still try not to. Working on changing guys messages on dating sites one message at a time =P
He used “right” instead of “write.” That would have been the end of nice me. There’s no way I could let something like that go by without at least mentioning the error. Maybe it was a nervous mistake… but man….. that would be a red flag for me. (the error, not the nerves)
You should see my earlier conversations. I never used to keep it to myself, but I thought mentioning it would just give him even more to reply to.
I once put “I’m looking for an entertaining gentleman who can spell,” on my profile but clearly I should have added “… and read profiles.”
Yeah, I definietly have some of that on mine, but no one reads it so it never really made a difference.
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