Maybe I was a little bitchy here, but I was bored and hadn’t replied to any messages in a while…
Should I have at least thanked him for the compliment?
Reply
Tag Archives: conversation
Sexting In Public
The picture messages started after the “dick pic” conversation with my coworkers a few weeks ago. I was never one of those “look how good I look” selfie-taking girls, so sending sexy pictures to someone didn’t come naturally to me. It’s been quite a thrill sending half-nude pictures to my far-away-crush, the last few weeks, though. I definitely regret the slip up at the restaurant where I flashed my best friend one of these pictures as a kind of “look at the kind of picture *I’m* capable of taking.” Only, it was at the wrong moment when the waiter standing behind me got a glimpse of it as well. But, if I’m craving attention or an ego-boost I’ll sometimes send one over to my crush because I know he’ll reply shortly after. I even got creative when I realized he liked the clothes I wear to the office and snapped a photo as I was changing out of them one night. What else do you make of having a crush on someone who lives on the other side of the planet? I’d love to drop the idea, but my brain seems to have other plans. He’s the foreign dude I met while traveling this past January and I’m running out of imaginative ways to hold his interest and stay in touch until he visits in September.
One morning I get a nearly-nude picture from him. I reply, “Wish you were here,” while I’m getting ready for work. “What would you do if I were there?” he sends back. “You,” I reply. A moment later I think about what a cop out my answer was. I write and I can do better than that, I think. I apologize and explain that I’m getting ready for work. My mornings are his nights. I send a bit more sexually explicit message as I’m walking to the train. He replies. I’ve never done that whole sexting thing, by the way. I don’t recommend it in public, although there is a bit of a thrill to it as well. So, now I’m on the train and the conversation has continued. I interrupt, “The person standing next to me can totally read this conversation.” I try to continue, but again, after one of those “And then I would…” kind of messages, I chime in, “Now, there’s a religious man sitting next to me, praying into a book. Now this just feels weird.” He laughs a little, but it’s obvious I’ve killed the mood and we decide to pick it up another time. I just can’t take that kind of thing seriously enough.
He’s less than a friend because a friend I would see once in a while. He’s more than a friend, because a friend wouldn’t get these kinds of pictures from me. He’s not just a pen pal (is it called a “text pal” these days?) because we’ve met once and will meet once more. He’s definitely not a boyfriend because he lives thousands of miles away and is certainly doing other women. I can’t possibly care about him that much as all I really know about him is based off of a one-time meeting. He’s just an impossible crush I have. I never liked being called pet-names, but with him I actually enjoy it. There are times when I’m one of those people who aren’t looking where they’re going, with their phone in their face, shooting off messages back and forth. I’ll sit with a stupid smile on my face my entire commute to work after it. But, I know it’s an unrealistic idea. I do it because I enjoy it, but like everything else, I know there will be a shitty point when it ends and one day I’m sure he’ll start seeing someone seriously no matter how much he insists it won’t happen any time soon. I guess it’s really just nice to have in the meantime when I have nothing else going on. Sometimes more time passes in-between our conversations. I don’t know the real reason for it, but I’m thankful he doesn’t mention any girls he sees to me. It keeps the fantasy alive and continues being fun for me this way. He also always apologizes about the time gap, so I know he hasn’t entirely lost interest yet. I’m still dating. I’m not waiting for his visit in September. I know it will just be a couple of days and he’ll be off again. But I’m kind of hoping I don’t wind up in a relationship before he arrives. It’s an interesting situation to be in. I’m both rooting for the prospective dates I meet to be this perfect match for me and simultaneously hoping nothing more than a couple of months at most comes of it until after he leaves.
There are some messages I ignore…
If you wouldn’t open with that line in person, why would you use it on the internet? Everyone comes off a bit creepier on the internet than they are in person. We don’t know who you are behind your profile. You might have someone else’s photos up. You might be twenty years older than you claim. You might be a serial killer. Okay, you might be a serial killer if we met you in real life, too –but at least we’d have a little more to use to base our impression of you off of. We’re going to use our best judgment, but that should be kept in mind when you message us. If you’re not having success getting a date with whatever topic you’re using to start a conversation in the real world, maybe you should tone it down a bit when you start that conversation on a dating site? Now, if someone’s profile reads “I have a foot fetish and I’m only on this site to find someone who shares that with me” –By all means, start off with that topic in your initial message. However, if that’s your thing and you’re sending a message to someone who doesn’t sound all that kinky, you might want to tone it down until the conversation gets a little deeper. You know, “Hi,” or “Hey,” or “Hello” are usually a good words to use to start the first sentence if you can’t be more creative than that.
You also might want to try sending these initial messages to someone who the site even remotely suggests may be a good match for you. If your looks aren’t your strongest attribute, you might want to brush up on your verbal skill set. Maybe you shouldn’t be sending the message you’d like to receive from a stranger, and rather the message you think they’d like to receive. If you don’t know what they might like to hear, take a look at what they’ve written in their profile. At least skim their damn profile if you’re not going to read it before messaging them. I know it might be a surprise, but there’s really a lot more to someone than the 3-10 pictures of themselves they’ve uploaded to their dating profile. Read your message to yourself and ask yourself how it would make you feel coming from a stranger you probably wouldn’t have any interest in. Tweak it until it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable and then give it a shot. Picture your message in a row of messages we’ve received and think about the way you’d like it to stand out. Positively or negatively? And if you’re going to disregard all of that anyway? Well, now I know why *you* wound up on a dating site…I mean, if you weren’t putting in a lot of effort in person, and you’re putting in even less online, what did you expect to find here?
Dickless Pics
You can’t tell a guy you’ve never received a “dick pic” without that smirk appearing on his face. I went out for a drink with my coworkers the other night which turned into drinks, shots, and would-be-extremely-office-inappropriate-conversation. It wasn’t even a Friday night but it wound up being the latest we’d stayed out with each other since any of us had started at the company. This is one of those “let’s grab a happy hour drink after work” gatherings that take place a minute after 5pm, before you’ve had any time for dinner. We’re getting better and realizing we should order a pizza to our usual bar, but that thought hadn’t occurred to us yet the other night. I’m starting to like that we have a usual bar and a usual group. It’s a crappy bar. The drinks aren’t all that cheap, the glasses aren’t cleaned well, and the bathroom’s basically on the other side of the planet, but it’s growing on me. We’ve got a usual group, a usual bar, and even a usual waitress and usual booth –Isn’t that what every sitcom lover has always hoped to have?
But this night we all got a little too personal. The morning after was one at the office where not one of us could make eye contact with the other. Maybe it was the brutally honest round of “who would you do at the office?” that pushed it too far. The first drink arrived and I had my nose in my phone, fingers rapidly tapping against the screen. I threw it in my bag with a smile and announced “Sorry, it’s morning on the other side of the world.” The girls chimed in, “Well, you were talking to someone you’re into because you’re smiling.” I couldn’t deny it, but what does one make of a crush on someone you’ll likely only meet twice, briefly, in your lifetime. “Yeah but this-” I pretended to type textmessages on my phone- “is really the extent of our ‘relationship’ –I don’t even know how to react when he sends these sexy kind of pictures when he’s in bed with his shirt off and whatever. I’m over here all ‘hey uhh here I am bundled up in my winter coat.’” They giggled, “Well, you just gotta send one of those pics back!” I glance at the one guy at the table before the others arrived. He was squirming around in his seat. “We’re making him uncomfortable with our girl talk!” He laughed and took a long sip of his beer. I passed around a picture of my crush. Yeah, that’s right, I wanted them to know who *I* was capable of attracting. I actually appreciated that one girl sounded a bit surprised when she exclaimed, “wow, he’s pretty hot!” I flashed the phone at my male coworker, explaining that I didn’t want him to feel left out. He shrugged, “yep, a guy.” “Well, I was out when he sent me one picture in bed,” I continued my story, “but he asked me to send him a picture while I was at the office. So I did. I actually went in the bathroom because I didn’t want anyone to see me taking a picture of myself at my desk.” They giggled and asked if I’d taken nudes in the bathroom. I hadn’t.
The rest of the group showed up. We explained how uncomfortable we seemed to have been making our coworker when there wasn’t much testosterone around the table and they wanted to be filled in. My coworker started, “Well, if a guy sends a girl a sexy picture, how should she respond?” “Send one back!” both guys replied simultaneously. “And if they’re at work?” she continued. “Go in the bathroom” they agreed. “That’s what she did!” my coworker announced, pointing to me. Their surprised expressions were priceless as they stood up, jaw dropped open, demanding I hi-five them. I insisted I hadn’t been nude in the office bathroom, but of course they weren’t about to drop that idea. The conversation inevitably moved to the topic of dick pics, and how I never received one. “Dick pics” remained the recurring topic of the night. It circled back when a couple of the guys decided to text another coworker asking to send dick pics –from my cellphone. Luckily, I caught it before too much time passed and was able to explain the joke.
The buzz from my third glass of wine on an empty stomach was strong. Cellphone in hand, I couldn’t resist the urge to drunk-dial. I messaged my far-away-crush while the room seemed to be spinning and the chatter of dick pics hadn’t ceased. The next day he responded with a laugh. Only then had I remembered I’d messaged him before passing out in my bed. I scrolled up to reread my jumbled rant about how I’d never received a dick pic and I didn’t want one, but I did want one of him in his underwear. I thought, “aw what an innocent version of that request.” But, I’d followed it by some sort of, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” A few days passed and one morning I awoke to a new picture message. It was my far-away-crush in his underwear. Request honored! Shortly after this message I remembered my part of the deal…But, I was running late to work so I sent an “IOU” message and let it be. I’d never sent this sort of picture before with the paranoia of where it might end up, and because it had never been too difficult to arrange an in-person-meeting posed this way. If there ever was a time photos like these were appropriate, this was definitely the type of “relationship” that called for them. My mind raced- “I don’t actually have to follow through, but I kind of want to because I’ve never done that. If I’m just in my underwear it’s really not that different from a picture in my bathing suit at the beach. But it is different if I’m not at the beach. I can’t have my face or anything in my bedroom in the picture so no one will ever be able to tie it back to me. I should probably shave. What kind of underwear should I wear? What was I wearing that night I was with him? It can’t be the same or he’ll think that’s all I wear. It shouldn’t look too posed, it should look realistic, but it should look good.”
All those questions considered, I took the picture –or rather I chose the picture that came out the best- and clicked “send.” It was only minutes if not seconds, but such a simple and small action had felt like such a rush for me. I nervously awaited his reply, phone in hand. I’m now convinced guys always see your message right away, but they don’t always respond right away –unless your message is a picture of you with clothing removed. So, after this week, our messages have evolved to include occasional nearly-nude picture messages, and for the first time I’ve joined the rest of the world in becoming extremely paranoid about whose hands my cellphone falls into.
Stating The Obvious
So, here’s another weekend bitterly single and replying to messages of those I’m not interested in on dating sites…
Persistence
There’s an option to increase your message storage on OkCupid and not have to worry about deleting old messages to send new ones. This is what it looks like when you don’t have the increased message storage and you send a message to someone who does (-And you’re extremely persistent, pay no real attention to those who you message, have no originality in your messages, are sending a message to someone who has a 0% match to you, and the person you’ve messaged isn’t planning on answering you…) Side Note: Check out the month the Christmas wishes were sent.
An Acceptable Wait-Time For A Reply (Part 2)
Okay, so you remember the post about the guy who took a year to reply to my message? Well, that conversation was continued a couple of days ago:
Random Guy: Hello! Didn’t we talk a while back? I apologize if I didn’t message you back, I kinda got frustrated with this site and haven’t been on much recently. Anyway, I would love to get together sometime!
Myself: ..That was a year ago……
=\
Random Guy: This is true…but I still think we would get along well:)
Myself: Dude, now you just messaged me back over two months later…
I think that summarizes the success of (or lack of) my dating life right now.
Uninteresting Inbox
The continuation of my non-existent love-life…The most recent message in my dating site inbox:
Not Exactly Random Guy: Hi there how is it going, I’m [NAME CENSORED], so tell me how is your experience so far on this site. Please read my profile, get to know me, and I hope to hear back from you.
Myself: [NAME CENSORED], we went to highschool together.
We have a pretty low match percentage lol
I thought you were with someone last I knew, sorry to hear it didn’t work out. Hope you’re still having a good time with the [HOBBY CENSORED] stuff!
Good luck on here! =)
He was always kind of creepy. Sometimes I wonder how they don’t recognize me, especially when we’ve been friends on FaceBook. It just further proves that people send out mass messages and don’t even pay attention to who they go to…Even I’m not that desperate (yet?)
After Vacation Update
Well, no romances were formed on my vacation. When I returned I shot the Canadian guy a text which went ignored. I guess a month is too long in-between a first and second date, and I will just have to find someone who thinks I’m worth waiting for and all that blah blah blah stuff. I have been exchanging messages with a few guys on dating sites recently that have potential at the moment, but seeing as how every date I’ve ever been on eventually wound up, I’m not getting my hopes up. No girls have messaged me lately (as usual) and I haven’t come across anyone I particularly felt compelled to message. I actually wasn’t planning on replying to any messages recently, as I’ve been trying to busy myself with the hunt for a new apartment, but when I discovered the messages I’d received were from men with attractive pictures, I decided it might be alright to meet someone new, seeing as it’s been a while now. I’m not sure if that completely qualifies as simply being shallow, but well of course if they sounded like completely ignorant jerks as well, I wouldn’t have bothered! Oh, and there was of course this lovely conversation I had on one site recently…
Random Guy: happy anniversary babe!!!!!!!
Myself: Message designed to desperately get a reply?
Random Guy: Look at your disgusting frail figure lick my asshole
Myself: Wow what male weirdos this site attracts! Good luck with whatever it is you’re doing on here, I suppose.
[I actually went to my profile, looked at each picture just to double check, thought “I don’t look frail, I look hot, that guy’s nuts!” before typing that reply.]
Dating Website Conversation #22
This conversation occurred on one of the dating sites about a week ago…
Random Guy: Well based on your television and comedians list we have basically the same sense of humor. Louis CK is amazing.
Also, I’d love to see more mermaid pics of you.
[I’m in a costume in one of my profile pictures.]
Myself: Louis Ck’s great.
Yeah, whenever people mention that picture I find it kind of creepy…Like more of my skin is showing in it than in my other pictures…Or were you actually interested in the entire costume which can’t even be seen in the picture? I actually spent about 12 hours making the costume. It was my first time sewing -it’s actually made of 2 or 3 scarves I got at a 99 cents store. But no one would know that from the picture.
Random Guy: Aw, I’m sorry if that was creepy. It’s not that more of your skin was showing, it’s that I’m really into animal girl costumes – mermaid fins, cat ears, wings, tails, etc. (of course that might be a creepy thing to say as well, pretty bad first impression)
Myself: uhh, yeah that’s definitely creepier.
Random Guy: Oh well, sorry I brought it up then.
So, any interest in getting coffee with me sometime?
Myself: meh…probably not really.
Random Guy: Understandable. Thanks for responding even after I was weird, good luck on here.
Myself: eh, that wasn’t so bad. I think everyone’s weird and weird is better, but you can’t start off with that initially because it signals the bad kind of weird, you know…But I make that mistake a lot, which is why I don’t mind so much.
It’s mostly that you’re a little younger than I’d prefer to date men.
Myself: Good luck to you too.
Helping Friends Date
I mentioned that I went out later than I wanted to be out the other night. I took the train home around 3am with a friend when the following conversation occurred. It related to dating, so I figured I’d share it…
Female Friend: “You think that guy over there is gay?”
Myself: “Who?”
Female Friend: “The one in the grey sweater. Don’t look now, he’s looking!”
Myself: *looks* “Hm…No, not necessarily, why?”
Female Friend: “Are you sure?”
Myself: “I don’t know. I wouldn’t assume he is, but you can’t always tell. Why are you asking?”
Female Friend: “Because I’m about to give him my number and I wanted to make sure.”
Myself: “Nah, I don’t think he is, but even if he is, there’s no rejection to take personally and feel bad about. It says nothing on your part.”
Female Friend: “But I don’t want to be rejected! I’m scared, can you do it for me?”
Myself: “You want me to hand him a scrap of paper with your number on it? He’ll think it’s from me.”
Female Friend: “I wrote a note on it. It says ‘You are very handsome’ and I put my number and signed it [NAME CENSORED]”
Myself: “But he doesn’t know that’s your name. Then I have to tell him it’s from you when you’re sitting right there. What are we in school and you want me to pass a note to a guy you like, and tell him it’s from you?”
Female Friend: “Yes! He’s really handsome and- Shhhh! Shhh!”
Handsome Guy On Train: *smiles at Female Friend*
Female Friend: “And he knows it!” *smiles back & waves*
Myself: “Okay, there, he smiled and made eye contact, go give the note to him.”
Female Friend: “No I can’t, what if he has a girlfriend!”
Myself: “So? Then once again, him rejecting you has nothing to do with you!”
Female Friend: “But I don’t want him to turn me down! Do you think he has a girlfriend?”
Myself: “He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he just smiled at you. And if he does, he’s a cheating asshole, so you’re not missing out on anything.”
Female Friend: “That’s true. But I still can’t go over there, I’m too nervous.”
Myself: “Look at his hand, he has a stamp on it. He was just at some bar or club, he’s been drinking just like everyone else on this train, just an hour ago you could’ve been in the same bar as him and it would’ve been the same thing to go up to him.”
Female Friend: “Yeah, but I don’t want him to tell me no! You don’t think he has a girlfriend? You can tell by looking at someone.”
Myself: “No you can’t! People break up all the time, you don’t know when someone is in-between seeing people and single. They don’t look any different!”
Female Friend: “Well, I guess so. When are we getting off the train?”
Myself: “Now, it’s the next stop.”
Female Friend: *Walks up to guy and smiles and hands him the note.*
Handsome Guy On Train: *takes note, smiles, and winks*
[Female Friend & I get off the train]
Female Friend: *waves outside train window as it pulls away*
Myself: “Don’t date him, he’s going to cheat on you.”
Female Friend: “Why?”
Myself: “The way he winked. He was too used to being hit on. He doesn’t look sincere. Don’t answer if he calls you. –Unless you just want to do him, then that’s fine. Go ahead. Protected.”
[Because I suddenly became an expert on making assumptions about people after that haha…]
Recently Ignored Messages
Honestly, I haven’t been posting a lot because I haven’t been replying to a lot of messages. Here are a few from my dating site inbox over the last couple of weeks, which I chose not to answer for various reasons…
Random Bald Guy: Hi, love your hair!
[I resisted the temptation to reply with “I bet you do.”]
Random Guy: You look just like this one celebrity, but I don’t know if I should tell you who…
-R
[That’s actually sort of a clever way to get a response. I bet some girls really want to hear who it is.]
Then there were a whole lot of those short, generic, “Hey how are you?” messages of course, and one guy who messaged me a while ago when I’d decided to take a break from guys and who admitted to not reading any of my profile before messaging me. He followed up to ask if I was dating guys again. I basically told him that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone now and that I wanted to “find myself,” figure some stuff out in my life and so on. He replied…
Random Guy: I love that attitude. I was the same way after a bad breakup a few years ago. I think that’s the perfect way to approach dating. You need to love yourself first.
Maybe you and I aren’t so different :)
[I told him I hadn’t been dealing with any recent break-ups, and it was just an in general sort of figuring my life out thing.]
Random Guy: Well let me know if you ever want to grab a drink and talk about it.
[Why would I go on a date because I don’t want to date?]
Random Guy (2 Days Later): Or not haha
Dating Website Conversation #20 & 3/4
You remember this conversation, which was followed by this one? Well, it didn’t stop after that, but I’m finally starting to think that this will be the final part, as I’ve stopped replying…
Random Guy (4 Days After Calling Himself A Hipster): Guess you won’t date a hipster
Myself: Typically hipsters are not a style I find attractive, no.
Random Guy: I landed a date !
Random Guy: It took 2 weeks !
Myself: Good job, takes some people months or years at times.
Random Guy: She’s a Doctor thought not sure we have much in common
Random Guy: She’s so hot I don’t think she’ll be into me
Random Guy: Were gonna go to [EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT CENSORED]
Myself: Have a good time.
Random Guy: Thanks I’m so nervous ! Would you wanna meet up for dessert after as friends ?
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Ok I just showed my buddy [NAME CENSORED] your profile from work he wants to know if you’d give him a shot but he’s not on here really awesome dude
Myself: No thanks
Random Guy: Ok thanks for being my mentor
Random Guy (6 Days Later On Thanksgiving): Wanna get turkey ?
I was going to reply, but…I didn’t? Who invites someone they’ve never met to have turkey on Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t they assume there was some big family dinner with turkey going on, or something? And how made up does his date sound? Isn’t that something they say girls want? “A guy who’s hot and a doctor.” And the whole going to some expensive restaurant for a first date is really not my scene, so if it was an attempt to make me jealous, he definitely further pushed me away. Did he really think after all the times I said I wasn’t interested he was somehow going to make me jealous of not dating him? I wonder if the friend he mentioned even existed or he was just going to meet me pretending to be someone else. Oh and the getting dessert after his date? Yeah, that’s normal. I hope he had fun on his imaginary date. Seriously, sometimes it’s clear why some people are single. Okay, I guess I do hope he actually had a date and it worked out because there is definitely someone out there equally odd as him and it would be nice for them to find each other. I don’t believe there’s someone for everyone in the soul mate sense, but I definitely think there is such a variety of people in the world, that there are good odds there is a combination which works out for nearly everyone to find someone they would be happy with. Though, as I am TiredOfDating, I’m not sure how likely I feel the odds of actually meeting one of those “good fit for you” people are.
Dating Website Conversation #21
And it’s back to receiving the crappy messages that make me sad about humanity. Okay, he wasn’t so bad, but in this day and age it really shouldn’t be so hard to at least make yourself sound intelligent…
Random Guy: Hi,I’m [NAME CENSORED],Pr,Rest in [CITY CENSORED],I like the profile its a Very Good Read & Great Showing,You seem like Someone Real to Know & I Dnt See that hpn Much,Your Hair Is Beautiful,I Only Date Weedsmokers,Definitely Would Love To knw you better,Hit me up Whenever you like,Love The Eyes & Hair,Godbless
Myself: Sorry, I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck on your search on here
Random Guy: Ok sweety,bt next time read the page, I notice you didn’t even bother to look
Random Guy: You shouldn’t go on the numbers the pages gives you
Myself: I just couldn’t date someone who types/speaks that way, personally & based on a lot of the answers you gave to the questions on here, I don’t think we’re very compatible. Just not my style/type, whatever you want to call it. Good luck on your search. The numbers on here don’t mean everything, but they do give you a decent place to start in trying to find someone. You’ll find someone more suitable for you =)
Oh and I guess he’s right, I should at least give his profile a chance, right? I’m checking it out now, as I’m about to post this and you know, sometimes I really get the urge to breech my policy on keeping the anonymity of the people I post about on here, but I guess I won’t give in yet. Seriously, though this guy’s message sounds a lot better than his profile. He described the way he looks even though he has pictures up. There are paragraphs describing details about his daughter, preferences during sex, types of kisses he likes, oh and I love the part about not messaging him if you don’t understand English. I can’t believe he considers most of what he wrote to be in English! He leaves vowels and spaces out at random places because I think he actually believes it makes him appear cool. That makes me sad. I will also never understand why a guy thinks writing a creepy paragraph about himself, and literally 3 pages about his perfect woman will attract her. Honestly, after reading most of it, I really don’t have any clue as to why he messaged me in the first place. He also writes, “I know My page will either be one of the better pages you’ve read or for some Worst.” I’m scared for humanity because I actually believe that “sentence” and it’s depressing that some people really will find his profile attractive. Plus, he is raising a daughter! I mean, I know I’m not perfect but…C’mon! …*sigh*
Dating Website Conversation #20 & 1/2
I knew this conversation from a few days ago ended too well. I think the fact that I reply when I’m not interested really just encourages them. I should stop giving them so much hope. The last few days he has continued to message me…
Random Guy: I keep getting rejected should I feel bad or ugly or just not good enough ? I sent out like 50 e mails
Myself: No, it happens to everyone on here. Just make sure your messages are more than just a sentence, mentions something that interested you from their profile to show you read it, and asks them a question to give a reason to respond. If you’re sending initial messages like the one you sent me to everyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if you never get a reply. These sites aren’t the same as meeting someone in person and you need to be a little more creative to get a response. Most girls inboxes on here have 40 messages that say “hi what’s up?” “hey, how are you?” “hi” “hey” “hello, i’m so and so” and so to stand out, they’re going to have to see an interesting message that they’re intrigued by.
Random Guy: But it’s so hard to read every profile and right a paragraph . I just look at the pictures at this point
Myself: Then you have no right to complain or stress over your message return rate. If you’re not putting in the 5 minutes of effort to skim someone’s profile and write them a couple of sentences, you can’t expect them to do the same for you. Messaging someone based on their pictures alone might work if you’re both only looking to hook up with someone, but if you’re not actually skimming through what they write, you might be wasting your time messaging 30 people you wouldn’t be interesting in dating anyway. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone only looked at your pictures and didn’t read your profile -and for the most part those people (including myself) ignore those kinds of messages. I don’t even usually bother going to their profile when I get those kinds of messages, so it doesn’t even matter what they may look like or have written.
Random Guy: Oh well I read yours twice
Myself: Not that hard, huh? Keep reading, there are a lot more girls out there.
Random Guy: I was in [NEIGHBORHOOD CENSORED] last night
Myself: Yeah, good to go out.
Random Guy: Ya I’m hipster
[Okay, this guy does not know what a hipster is and can this conversation be over yet?…]
Dating Website Conversation #20
You know, guys are a lot more persistent than girls on these dating sites. Sometimes I feel like I could say anything turning down a date, and the guy will try to convince me otherwise, anyway. Today a friend said he would rather someone turn him down instead of ignoring him on these sites, and for the most part I would agree. I don’t enjoy most of my messages being ignored, so it’s not something I’d like to do to someone else. I’ve spent a lot of time replying to messages from guys I’m not interested in, just to politely turn them down. The problem is that it never ends there. A lot of the time it ends up in some weird argument with zero chance of a positive outcome. Who really wants to be on a pity date, anyway?! Tonight I got a follow up message from a guy who’s message I’d ignored a few days ago, so I decided to turn him down and yet again somehow it didn’t end there…
Random Guy: Hey I’m [NAME CENSORED]
Random Guy (5 Days Later): Why so anti I’m not shirtless
Myself: I’m not anti-social, but you didn’t send a very interesting initial message and you’re not my type attraction-wise.
Random Guy: Well you’re my type can we grab a bite and see if it there’s anything there ? I guarantee you a good time
Myself: Thanks, but I think the “my type” & “your type” kind of thing has to be mutual to work.
Random Guy: Well i might surprise you in person look you have nothing to lose and I’m treating make a fireman smile
Random Guy: We can paint at [COMPANY NAME CENSORED] it’s byob or go to the top f the [BUILDING NAME CENSORED] Building ? I have VIP passes
Myself: Thanks for the offer, but I’m just not interested.
Random Guy: Ok shallow girl just remember looks fade
Myself: Right, but I’m not shallow, I didn’t say you weren’t attractive enough for me. I just said you’re not my type. Everyone is entitled to their preference. You really don’t need to be so defensive about it. When my messages get ignored, I don’t take it so personally. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: Well I bet it hurts when you get rejected I was nothing but nice and respectful to you and call me a little sensitive but it hurts ok it’s cool though
Myself: I have sent a few follow up messages after my initial message wasn’t replied to a couple of times, and unless you want to know the real reason someone didn’t answer you, don’t push them for a date. If someone is interested, they will reply. Honestly, I didn’t harshly reject you. I just don’t have typical taste in guys, is all. I’m sorry you were somehow hurt by this, but you really will run into a lot of that on these sites and you can’t really feel the same about it as you would meeting someone in person. Also know that most girls don’t reply to most messages. I know from my own experience in messaging them.
Random Guy: I know but you’re one girl that’s profile is very different and I was intrigued too be honest I’m a little persistent and I just felt you would make an awesome girlfriend I’m tired the whole dating game
Myself: It’s not all that different. There are a lot of girls on here. You’ll find a better match for yourself. Some even like that persistence, so it’ll be a better fit. I’m also tired of dating, but it doesn’t mean you can just settle.
Random Guy: You’re right and I appreciate you being nice and explaining this to me
[Well, that ended well…Unless he blows up all angry and messages me again in a few days. (That happened once.)]
Dating Website Conversation #19
Alright, this was probably the conversation in which I was least able to understand/follow with a guy nearly twice my age. It’s really just weird more than anything. I would think it was some kind of robot, like the kind of comments I get in my spam on this blog, but the profile actually seemed pretty legitimate. I mean, it was also pretty strange, but looked like someone actually wrote it. Most of it wasn’t about him, but rather the types of women he has apparently met from the site (as if that was important) and was also written in sentences that didn’t quite go together. It was kind of like some of the fortunes you get in fortune cookies when they’re badly translated. Yet, all of it was still somewhat relevant to each section of the profile and really gave the vibe of an actual strange person more than internet bot. Do you know what he was possibly talking about?!…
Random Guy: No
For a moment your mind thought this pony is like a cat. But, it’s a pony. You can’t take it home because you would understand when it came time to change the liter box. Then you would think-WOW! NOT A CAT!
Myself: I don’t understand your message, but you’re older than what I’m looking for. Sorry.
Random Guy: You are younger than what I am looking for. Sorry you don’t remember the pictures you post.
Myself: Okay, good luck on your search…
Random Guy: Oh my god. Do you know I get 150 visits per week. I had deleted your emails because I am low on space. Because I get so many replies, the uninteresting have to go. Space space
Alright bye
Myself: Yeah, that’s an average number on here. Alright, goodbye.
Random Guy: Oh my god- you again? You don’t have to believe the facts. Your mind is stuck in paradigm blindness. “how can this ugly troll claim be true?” There is no way for an average clueless guy. For me, yes. I never follow conventional rules in anything. Most rules are setup as barriers to serve some special groups. Everything to me is just a problem space seeking innovation. I checked for you- 131 this week. I meet women on and off line all the time. You are the last to view my profile within today’s time frame and the 25 below you are all Hot. Ages 25 to 40. I date doctors, I bet a few of your professors also, and artist.
Hey is the problem you are somehow trying to disprove facts. This is not my subject experience, but social reality.
You are still in your social display phase with boys. Seeking someone you can display to your social circle and friends proving your social sexual value to others and self.
I am Also NOT a pony, well maybe.
Deletion time
Random Guy: Here, not hey
And I also most forgot-I am short!
Myself: Weird.
Random Guy: and I am weird.
Stop liking me.
I swear I am going to jump
[Yeah, about the time I assume my replies are just encouraging him to reply.]
Maybe it was some new robot a notch above the others…But you should see the profile, it really didn’t seem that way, though it was consistent with his writing-style for the most part. Do bots correct themselves like that, saying what word they meant to type?…
An October Update
Been a while again. Since the last time I wrote, everyone I’d been speaking to is yet again out of the picture. I created a separate dating site profile to find girls and began using my old profile for guys again. I might meet a girl on Wednesday, but I’m thinking about pushing it to next week. Oh and of course I do still get weird messages…
Random Guy: hey there sex lover !) how is everything going?
Myself: wtf?
Random Guy: Wtf, don’t you love sex or what f is wrong with u )))))
Myself: So weird
Random Guy: Just go
Myself: right…
Dating Website Conversation #17
The weird things guys say in their attempt to get a girls attention continue. Here’s a conversation from a couple of days ago…
Random Guy: Hey,
If you & I were together they would call us Beauty & the Beast …and when someone calls you beast I’ll beat the hell out of them!
I was just looking at your profile and I liked what I saw so I want to get to know you better. You have beautiful eyes & a gorgeous smile!
Write back to me & let me know what makes you smile.
Talk to you later
[NAME CENSORED]
…
Myself: um…Thanks. As my profile indicates I’m looking for someone female at this time, though. Sorry.
Random Guy: well I can wear high heels and tuck it back if you are interested lol
Good lick I mean luck with that
Myself: Good luck with your search on here.
Dating Website Conversation #16
So, today I got a message on the dating site from some a girl in Switzerland who will be visiting my area for a week. Though I didn’t think we seemed too compatible I agreed to meet her this weekend because I figure nothing long term can come of it either way, and even if it goes horribly she’ll be out of the country within a few days. It’s not really like me to do this type of thing, but this is what happens when you’ve got nothing going on dating-wise. Oh, and as promised here’s a short conversation from the other night…
Random Guy: Ouch…….damnit!! When I saw your pic I passed out and hit my head on the keyboard!! So I’ll need your full name, number and name of your modeling agency for insurance reasons *shakes fist*…..but I’ll settle for a coffee or drink sometime hehehehe ;)
Myself: I have no idea why I’m showing up in your search results. I’m looking for someone female under 30, sorry.
Skim Profiles Before Messaging
Tired of all of the messages from people I’d have no interest in (messaging me after looking at my pictures without glancing at my profile), I decided to call them out on it. Here are a few of the conversations…
Random Guy: hey, i’m [NAME CENSORED] :)
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: its a few things. first, very few girls actually respond back, if you take the take the time and read all the profiles, you’ll never get to talk to anyone. second, physical attraction is like 90% of what guys look for first.
Myself: Nothing wrong with physical attraction, but like you said -FIRST-
Once the decision to message someone has been made how do you guys not even skim the profile? Mine’s long -I don’t at all expect anyone to read every word (though once in a while some people do) but how does anyone not even skim it? I mean people who you’d never get along with in a million years messaging you…And yeah, about girls responding -TELL ME ABOUT IT. As I mentioned on my profile for anyone skimming, I’m currently interested in dating a girl, not a guy. 95% of the time you never get a reply.
[He actually clicks on my profile now, because of course he didn’t notice my mention of dating girls.]
Random Guy: well if they message back, ill read the profile. I just thought you were really cute :) You’re not open to a guy at all right now?
Myself: And what if you don’t like what you read on their profile, just ignore them like they always do to you?
Thanks.
Nope, I’ve been with them for [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years and I’m taking a break. I just don’t have the interest at the moment.
[Why should we “waste” our time reading these messages rather than them “wasting” their time skimming a profile first?]
Random Guy: nah, i think actually talking to someone is a better way to get to know them. it’s not a job interview haha. well i’m sorry to hear a beautiful woman like you has no interest in my gender. after reading your profile, i think we’d actually get along good :)
[Get along “good” or “well?]
Myself: Well yeah but there are so many people not worth talking to on here. It’s not real life. It’s a tool used to weed out those you wouldn’t have an interest in and find those you’d like to meet and get to know in real life. You’ve even admitted you start speaking to people completely based on their appearance. How does it suddenly change to an importance in getting to know someone if their appearance is most important?
Yeah, I guess I’m just bored/tired of dating guys. I believe it’s temporary and eventually I’ll probably date a guy again, just not any time soon.
Random Guy: well good looks can only keep a guy interested for so long. i’m hoping to find someone that keeps my interest.
Myself: So skim the words they write before you message next time =)
Good luck
[And really what’s with the extremely short, boring messages? I’m expected to read through their profile when they didn’t read mine and can’t put in the effort to write a decent message?]
Random Guy: hii there
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Why u saying si?
Random Guy: So
Random Guy: Just said hi
Random Guy: :)
Myself: Because I’m getting a lot of messages from people who wouldn’t be a good match for me. I’m not sure why I should read through them all when they’re not even skimming my profile before deciding to send their messages…
Random Guy: you gotta used to have such kind of messages here
Myself: Sorry, I don’t even understand what you’re saying. …Which is what I mean, on so many levels it doesn’t seem like we would be a good match, yet you’ve still sent me a message.
Random Guy: you know what kind of web sited it is right?
Myself: Yeah, this website is a search engine right? It works like google. I can use it to research my favorite celebrities, right?
Random Guy: :)
Random Guy: you funny
[Damn, I was really hoping he’d fall for my playing-dumb joke]
Random Guy: it is pretty hard for you to find your match over here
Myself: Which is why I don’t understand why I should waste even more time speaking to people who clearly aren’t a good match for me. It’s hard enough, why should I read through messages of bad matches who didn’t even skim through my profile when I could be spending my time speaking to/searching for a more compatible match? (And the person messaging me could be doing the same.)
Random Guy: good bye beautiful
Random Guy: have a nice fishing
Myself: Yep, you too.
[Wow, for once I didn’t have to be the one to end the conversation!]
Random Guy: i am [NAME CENSORED] by the way
[Damn, I guess I spoke too soon.]
Random Guy: nice to meet you
Random Guy: are you from [CITY CENSORED]?
Myself: Yeah, I am.
Good luck with your search on here!
Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: half the time no one reads my profile so y should i
Random Guy: they are surprised that im cheap even though it says so on my profile
[Wait, what?!]
Myself: Why should someone else spend the time reading your message if you didn’t even skim their profile? What makes your time more valuable?
Random Guy: exactly
Myself: So because someone didn’t read your profile, how does it seem fair to message someone else and expect them to read your message when you didn’t even skim that person’s profile?
Random Guy: dont know. ask the person that wrote the profile
Myself: That’s ridiculous. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: ok
[Someone trying to get the last word in?…]
Random Guy: Heyy
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Idk
[Ha! Short, simple, over, done.]
Random Guy: Hi I’m [NAME CENSORED]. How’s it going?
Myself: Hi,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Hmmm. Not really sure.
That mimics real life though right?
Myself: But that’s the thing. This isn’t real life. This is something used to find people who you’d like to meet in real life. One can notice attraction first, but how do you guys not even skim a profile after you’ve made the decision to message someone?!
Random Guy: I’m not really sure. How am I supposed to answer for a population of users that I probably don’t have all that much in common with?
Myself: So I guess you’re just yet another guy who messaged me only seeking friendship, after reading on my profile that I was currently interested in dating girls and not guys?
Random Guy: Well your profile is long. Do you really expect everyone to read the entire thing while contemplating whether or not to message you? I knew things you liked, didn’t like, media you prefer… All before saying hello.
But because I didn’t read the one line of a hundred that you wanted me to I’m the asshole?
[It’s in bold, with a star in front, and on its’ own line. If you just quickly skim my page, it’s hard to miss. It actually used to be in bold in three other sections as well, and still went ignored.]
Right. It’s the fault of the worlds population of men. We’re pigs. Nevermind that your profile contradicts itself. Great attitude.
Myself: Of course not. I never intended for anyone to read all of it which is why I said SKIM it.
I have been getting a lot of messages from people who would never be compatible with me & nearly no messages from those who would be.
You called yourself an asshole, not me. I simply asked why so many guys aren’t even getting any idea of who I am as a person & sending me messages based purely on attraction so much of the time. I put things in bold so that someone could skim my profile and in 5 seconds focus on what they’d need to know when it would come to dating me.
Again, you called your gender pigs, not me.
Good luck with your search on here =) …Maybe your appearance first, profile later approach will work with someone after all.
[He got extremely defensive and it went on for a while after that. It’s not really worth posting the whole argument.]
So, I guess it’s just me reading the majority of someone’s profile after skimming their page, looking at their pictures, and deciding to send them a message…
Dateless Again
So, Saturday’s date never happened. No big surprise there. She was extremely flakey when we were trying to schedule a meet up, so I was mostly expecting her to flake out again. And of course after the way Friday’s date went, I don’t think I’ll being seeing her again. …So, I suppose I’m back at the start again, (again, again, again, again.) So, let’s look at the promising messages in my inbox today!…
Random Guy: Hey there me an my girl are looking for a partner she is 35
Myself: No thanks, I’m not looking for couples.
Random Guy: What are you looking for
[Because you will suddenly be able to be whatever I’m looking for?]
Myself: A girl under 30 to date/eventually have a relationship with.
[Okay, so maybe I’m not that strict with age and would date someone 30, but he doesn’t need to know that]
Random Guy: What about a guy
Myself: Nope, did that for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years, taking a break from them at this time.
Random Guy: Ok I’m single the girl I’m wit is just a friends we have sex sometimes
[Oh, well then that changes everything, why didn’t you say so in the first place…]
Myself: Yeah, not what I’m interested in.
Random Guy: Ok but
[No! No but’s! This is not a situation where a “but” fits in! We’re done here!]
Myself: Good luck on your search!
Random Guy: You to if you wan to have fun let me no
[Yeah, you’ll be the first person on my mind if I decide I “wan to have fun”]
Random Guy: Hi. How are you? [NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Hi, I’m alright. Interested in someone under 30 and female, though.
Random Guy: Ok. I know someone who fits that desperation. But let me check with her first.
[NAME CENSORED]
[Uhh, what are you like a salesman? Oh, you need a size 4? I think I have a size 4, let me check!]
Myself: Thanks, but I’m just gonna stick to finding them on my own.
Random Guy: Lol. Ok. No worries. Good luck.
Dating Website Conversation #15
…And so it continues…
Random Guy: hey, I’d love to get to know you– would you like to meet up sometime for a drink or do something else like going to a museum? I’m not a girl… but guys are cool, too! :)
-[NAME CENSORED]
[“Something else like going to a museum” really sounds like “Whatever I always see girls saying they like on their profile”]
Myself: Sorry, no thanks.
Yeah, guys are cool- but I did the seeing guys thing for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years. I’m taking a break at the moment. Just don’t really have the interest at this time.
Random Guy: K cool :) dont blame u, I’m sick of girls. If I could, I would turn gay haha
[How does he go from asking me out to wishing he was gay?]
On another note, do you remember my post “Relationships On FaceBook”? I have now witnessed someone get engaged on my newsfeed, make a status update about breaking up, then five days later change their relationship status back to engaged with the comment “We’re back together!” We really need to figure out proper FaceBook relationship etiquette these days.
Guy Who Can’t Give Up
You remember my post about “Clingy Guy”? Well, he must have seen a picture I posted on my dating website profile from an event I went to recently and sent me this message…
Clingy Guy: Did you see me at the [EVENT CENSORED]??? I didn’t see or recognize you!
Myself: I didn’t
I’m so relieved he said that he didn’t see me and I didn’t run into him there! I was really hesitant to even answer him, but I figured if I gave a really short, negative response, it might give a hint that I didn’t want to continue the conversation. Although, this was the guy who was never able to take a hint. But seriously, it’s been eight months since that one time I met him, how can he still be speaking to me as if that’s totally normal?!
On another note, I also received this message…
Random Guy: Hello [MY USERNAME CENSORED],
I just wanted to say your profile was well written and worth the read. I know you are only looking to date girls right now so I just want to send good vibes and positive energy your way.
Cheers,
[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Thanks =)
I thought that was nice. It’s a refreshing break from the usual…Hoping I can utilize some of those good vibes and positive energy soon.
Dating Website Conversation #14
It can get tiring sending out messages and never receiving replies. Everyone with a dating website profile eventually gives in to some copy & paste messages. After you spend time personalizing long, well thought out messages, coming up with unique words for each you send, just to be ignored time and time again, you start writing generalized messages which can be sent to anyone again and again. Just remember to avoid looking like a fool when you send the same message to someone twice or say you’ve read someone’s profile when you haven’t. I personally like to keep my copy & paste messages sounding unique and always add at least one or two personalized lines when I give in…
Random Guy: hey how are you? my names [NAME CENSORED].
I read your profile & it seems we have a lot in common. So i figure to tell you a little bit about me…
I am an assistant teacher & i work with kids/teens who have autism. currently im studying to be a child psychologist but in the mean time to pay bills I help teach kids who have autism.
Hopefully Ill hear back from you & we can chat.
take care
Random Guy: hey how are you? my names [NAME CENSORED].
I read your profile & it seems we have a lot in common. So i figure to tell you a little bit about me…
I am an assistant teacher & i work with kids/teens who have autism. currently im studying to be a child psychologist but in the mean time to pay bills I help teach kids who have autism.
Hopefully Ill hear back from you & we can chat.
take care
Myself: You should be more careful about copy & pasting this message to people without reading their profile. You sent me the same message a little over an hour before this one. -And if you did read my profile, you’d have noticed I said I was interested in dating girls at this time, not guys. Good luck on your search.
[No surprised, he didn’t reply again.]
Dating Website Conversation #13
So the silly messages I reply to on the dating websites when I’m not interested continue to form silly conversations…
Random Guy: I just stared at your profile for 30 minutes trying to think of what to say to get you to say “take me now, daddy” and this is the most I’ve had to work for a girl.
Myself: Girls really reply positively towards messages you send like this?
Random Guy: yes.
i’m [NAME CENSORED], and this is my cat
[LINK TO CAT PICTURE CENSORED]
what’s your name?
Myself: That’s surprising.
Guess I’m not one of those girls.
Not really interested in sharing my name either, I don’t think we’re a good match.
Random Guy: they know it’s a joke. i don’t think i’m old enough to pull off being called daddy.
i actually didn’t think we were a good match either. but i made this profile when i was looking for something else. now when i see your profile, i don’t know, things just seem to make more sense.
Myself: Well, I have a better sense of humor & I’m not interested.
Also, since you were paying such close attention to my profile, I suppose you just decided to ignore the part about how I’m interested in dating a girl at this time?
Random Guy: it’s condescending to say you have a better sense of humor. and your profile says looking for guys and girls who like bi guys.
[He probably meant to type “girls” instead of “guys” at the end.]
Myself: I said I had a better sense of humor as a way of saying I didn’t find your joke funny. My profile says “At the moment, I’m interested in dating girls, not guys.” (which is an exact copy and paste.)
Random Guy: Different =/= better
Myself: Right, but I phrased it that way to express that I wasn’t a fan of the joke…
[But seriously anyone who thinks that line from a stranger is funny and feels intrigued to hear more can’t possibly have a good sense of humor.]
Dating Website Conversation #12
I don’t think these kind of dating website conversations will ever get old…
Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hi…As I mentioned on my profile, I’m interested in dating girls right now.
Random Guy: Ok but do 3some ;-)
Myself: Not something I’m interested in, no.
Random Guy: 4some
Myself: I’m taking a break from guys and shifting my attention to one woman at a time.
Random Guy: U should try me
Random Guy: Whenever u want we can be sex partner
Myself: You’re male, you sent me an uninteresting message without reading my profile, we have a low match rating, and if I want sex I already know someone who can help me out with that. I’m not interested.
Random Guy: U don’t know me
Random Guy: And u do t know what u want
Random Guy: U should give me a chance
Myself: I don’t know you, but I can tell enough about you from your messages and profile to know there isn’t more about you I’m interested in knowing.
I do know what I want and you aren’t a part of any of it.
No thank you, I have no reason to give you a chance, except possibly pity…But I believe that you could improve yourself enough to find someone who would be suitable for you, and therefore there’s no need to pity you either.
Random Guy: Yea but I want u
Myself: This doesn’t really concern me because you don’t know me well and if you did, you would see that we were not a good match.
You just want to be with someone -not specifically me-
If you better yourself as a person a bit, fix up your profile, change the way you speak, you just might have some luck at finding someone, too.
Random Guy: Yes but it’s to boring
Random Guy: Can u help me find a gf
Myself: No, I’m trying to find one for myself and don’t really have the extra time.
Hit a bar in the meantime.
Random Guy: Haha ok Than I’m gona find for U because U r nice ı like u
Myself: Not even sure what that sentence was supposed to be, but alright. Good luck on your search.
Random Guy: I mean I’m going to find a gf for u
Myself: Okay, thanks.
So, you think he’ll end up finding me a decent girlfriend? Hilarious.
Dating Website Conversation #11
Maybe he thought I’d settle for a date if he started with the biggest question…
Random Guy: Will you marry me?
[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Nope
Random Guy: A drink then?
Myself: No thanks
Dating Website Conversations From The Last Week Of July
Okay, the most recent dating website message I received was from a guy who wanted to know my feelings on circumcision. Actually, it wasn’t x-rated, -He messaged me about studies done in the UK and the US and different findings when it comes to health. I told him I was aware some people were for it and some against the practice, but that I really wasn’t interested in having the debate with him. I guess that’s one way to start a conversation, though? He said that he didn’t want to have the debate either, but continued to question my opinion on it as if he was using me as a participant in some research project of his own. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s all it was considering how many miles away in some other state he was. So, the strangeness of these sites continues. (And I do consider myself to be a contributor in the strangeness as well, of course.)
Then there are the guys that seem to mean well and be sincere but come off a little too over the top. Of course your first message should be interesting, but if you’re going to get this deep before I’ve said a word to you, it comes off as a little much. He wrote a long message about “connecting with mind and soul,” having “conversations that induce cathartic emotive transcendence,” and that I was the only one on this “portal” who matched his interests and that he found intriguing. I mean, finally someone sounds intelligent on here- But isn’t there some sort of in-between guy? He’s probably a good guy, but somehow just isn’t my type. He put effort into his message, but I guess sometimes one can still feel turned off -especially if there’s no physical attraction. I think it was the fact that he ended his message with a poem that made me most uncomfortable…
“But all the clock in the city began to whir and chime:
Oh let not time deceive you, you cannot conquer time.
In headaches and in worry vaguely life leaks away,
and time will have his fancy tomorrow or today.”
Then this conversation happened after I’d ignored an uninteresting message from an uninteresting profile…
7/20 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/27 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
7/30 Myself: Sorry, I can’t reply until you ask me the same thing a third time.
7/30 Random Guy: Hi. My name is [NAME CENSORED]. How are you doing?
7/30 Myself: Haha, it was a joke…But sorry, I’m not interested anyway.
7/30 Random Guy: Mine was a joke too. Austin powers. Can’t ask me the same question 3 times. Lol.
And it’s looking like it’s going to be a dateless start of August…
(If you’re picturing this guy when reading his message, you’re probably not going to want to date him…)
Still Going No Where On Dating Websites
Well, “Mr. Perfect Profile” turned out to be nothing special after all. He put that easy-going vibe into his profile, but turned out just to be a jerk in his messages. I sent him a clearly light-hearted, joking second message and got back an angry reply. Really? You’re that rude to a stranger, unprovoked? Kind of a real turn off for me. Who are you to snap, “don’t ever contact me again” after I was friendly on a freaking dating website? Seeing him go from “perfect” to unreasonably mean was pretty disappointing –But a good thing to catch so early on. Imagine if we’d actually met! He even got unreasonably defensive stating that he was on vacation and unable to load the website. Funny how he could suddenly send that message with ease, though, huh? It’s like he wanted to make me feel like an idiot about messaging him. Well, sorry dude. You’ve failed. Now I just get to tease you anonymously on a blog you’ll never read. And moving on, yet again…
Then there’s a conversation in my inbox with a guy who insisted on messaging me, though the website has indicated we’re not a good match. When I pointed this out to him he wanted specifics saying he didn’t believe in math when it comes to relationships. I don’t either, but I believe in it when it comes to dating websites. It does half the work for me based on important facts about who I want to date which I’ve fed to it. So, I told him that right off the bat I found that he answered “Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong” to the question “Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships?” completely disgusting. I received a long-winded reply about how it’s just not something he’d want to watch, but that he enjoyed Rocky Horror Picture Show, so this must prove he’s not homophobic. What does any of that have to do with the question?! I was too annoyed to answer him again…And now I feel like I’m going in circles within circles of the dating cycle because I also just had another one of these conversations again…
Random Guy: Where do you get all this money to do so many of these shit? :P Really like the way you edited your profile. More interesting than others. Props for that.
Myself: I don’t have a lot of money, I live my life in pretty inexpensive ways.
Thanks…
I don’t think we’re a good match, and I’m not a fan of the way you speak, though…
Sorry.
So, now I can either go back to scrolling through the thousands of profiles of guys I’m not interested in to find a couple I might be, go back to dreaming as I scroll through lesbians profiles, or start working on my next blog post on some other related topic.
Dating Website Conversation #10
Still kind of slow on the dating front heading into this week. Mr. Perfect Profile from one dating website, never replied. I got a little frustrated (or annoyed/ disappointed/ desperate/ “other fitting words”) and sent a follow-up message after all. It’s kind of pathetic, but at that point you really have nothing to lose and if it gives you a bit of closure to call someone out on their rudeness in not replying, so be it. Not all that long ago I did an experiment where I wrote back a little survey to each person who ignored me. It was like: “You did not reply because a) You didn’t like my pictures, b) You’ve started seeing someone, c)…” and so on. Now, I knew it made me sound kind of nuts, but honestly what did it matter what it prompted those people to think of me at that point? Surprisingly I got a few replies, some honest answers, and some insight –Almost none of which was even very insulting. It was just an experiment, though. -Not something I typically do. If I did, I’d need someone to make a blog like this just to post the stuff I send out! Anyway, I just have a simple/silly conversation to share with you tonight. It’s more silly on my part than theirs, but that’s what you get when you send one-word initial messages if you get anything!…
Random Guy: Hi!
Myself: Hello
…A lot of time and planning seems to go into your initial messages, huh? A little “h”, some “i”, some capitalization to suggest intelligence of the grammatical kind –and to top it off an exclamation point for some added jazz.
…That was your thought process behind the whole message, wasn’t it?
Random Guy: I’m sure you will elicit other, more complex messages of which you are more deserving.
Take care and best wishes!
Myself: ;-)
The “Best” Dating Website Profile?
So, I just had this thought “What if I stop getting horrible messages on these dating websites and have nothing to write about on my blog?” …Oh what a silly thought. Just 10 minutes later I log in to find the all time lowest rating match for me has messaged me. Why he would bother when we’re clearly not right for each other, I don’t know –Maybe just to give me something to write about! He knows… I’m skeptical of the legitimacy of his profile, but after a few google searches I’m starting to think this could be for real. Either way, it’s worth a laugh…
Random Guy: Pumpkin Head You Seriously Need to Tone Down the Cuteness! ;)
Here I am looking for average next door gal types with 4 kids and a hubby and I end up with a gorgeous long haired gal like you. Some things in life just aren’t fair. Ha ha ha!
Seriously I’m looking 2 things…a gal who can show me both her sassy and sweet side…while wanting to be a proper lady at work and in the streets and a wild cat when in my presence. Oops! That’s 3 things. Can you help me with any of the above? Actually I want it all Suga! Give me all you got and more…ha ha ha!
Yes both my lines were come one lines…So come on…Check out my profile…If my bad intentions arouse you…then you know what to do. If not, it’s been a pleasure meeting your profile and best of luck!
Ciao Bella!
Mr. [NAME CENSORED] ;)
Myself: Thank you for your message.
Sorry, I’m not interested.
Random Guy: Don’t be sorry I’m not. Lol
Random Guy: But hey best of luck…I won’t need any! :-P
Myself: uhh…Right.
Random Guy: Quick response huh damn ur good lol
Myself: I was logged in when I got the message.
Now I know I don’t normally post people’s profiles on here, but maybe just one more exception this time? He did send me the message after all –and with all that artificial confidence how could he mind?!…
Random Guy’s Actual Dating Website “About Me” (& My Commentary, Of Course):
I’m Into SNL..Come Have a Laugh on Me! NO I’m Not All Fun and Games..Read On! ;)
I know the exact type of woman (umm I mean Lady ;) that attracts my interests.
My Alpha Caveman (animal instincts) only gets turned up like a wild lion strutting in the jungle roaring like a wild passionate steed overlooking the meadows and seeking a woman that posses these two very rare but wanted qualities, which are equally important to me. A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun
[See, this is why my immediate reaction was “fake profile…”]
A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun (think Kelly Cuoco). It’s rare. Yes I’m willing to except flaws (I have a bevy of them). I find it very appealing to be in the presence of a gal who is comfortable being called on their B.S. and is willing to tolerate and respect the challenges I throw at her and vice versa when I’m a dodo brain. Personally, I take it as a blessing that girls can’t get one over on me because of their looks. Sad with most guys they can. LITTLE SECRET: I used to let women’s looks effect me, but I no longer think with just my big ego but with my big brain. 97% of the time I’m a solid guy and 3% of I’m a big pain-in-the-ass. Aren’t we all ;) I’m hard core when it comes to respect and not using excuses. Aren’t you? Hope so. To be honest I have to feel two things about you once I get to know you. I have to feel like I want to throw you up against the wall and make mad passionate love to you. The other side I have to feel like you can keep up with my quirky sense of humor and engage in pillow talk with me like me caveman. A woman that is comfortable being a woman in my presence will win my protection; as I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you like my favorite stuffed animal. I definitely want a looker, but I definitely DON’T just want a looker. I want the rare personality that is not average thinking, not generic, overly neurotic, overly serious or prudish (or any bit prudish for that matter) like most others…uggh. It takes a strong independent woman to just say the hell with it and go for it. Meaning the next step. Not what you thought (but yes what ya thought at the same time). I’m open, but my dukes are up. I have been hurt in the past. Haven’t you. I hope not, but you probably have been somewhere, unless you’re extremely blessed.
So, who am I looking for?
[Because he didn’t already mention this 100 times?]
A girl who just read the above and agrees with me whole-heartedly. A woman who’s not afraid to show me her two sides. The naughty and nice. FOR SOME REASON A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF MEN SEEM TO THINK WOMEN DON’T LOVE SEX (you women are smart you have them fooled) I wouldn’t have it any other way :) I especially love women who are princesses in the street and wild cats in the sheets (meaning NO GAMES….and yes her being comfortable with me having selfish intentions–ladies you have them too. lol). A woman who can be an intelligent leader at her job, get things done, but can be a lady at home is very sexy. If you’re a looker great, but I’m generally open. I’m not going to lie to you. I do go for the hour-glass figure types, athletic types and girl next door types like most guys. I’m a sucker for Adrianne Curry nerdy eccentric and little professor types. I find many of them have a fun wild side that they’re waiting for the right guy to bring out of them. Like they say, it’s always the quiet one’s you need to look out for. Ha ha ha! If you wear glasses great; they’ll come a time and place where you’ll take them off for me.
Yes I like to joke around, makes life fun in between work. Being a dating coach is tough business
[…He’s..a dating coach? Haha What?!]
(long story, and I’m single because I’m a picky bastard
[Really, I didn’t notice!]
..as I would hope you are too. lol). I also have a life style management business and I run a sports memorabilia shop on the side.
My attitude towards people and the world is. Whatever happens happens. Let the chips fall where they may. This way of thinking is much healthier. Who knows? I may even be taking home my new best friend, which could be you. No high pressure boring dinner, coffee or movie dates. I’ll have you talking and thinking about things you haven’t thought about in years. Whatever it is..trust me, it’ll be fun and definitely interesting. Ok, random time (as if it hasn’t been) Quick note on my family life. Love pops/mom, although they drive me nuts sometimes. Asking and telling the same questions and stories over and over again..grrr GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY IN MARCH, I LEAVE THIS ON HERE IN HER HONOR. I just didn’t have the heart to take it out. Kinda keeps her alive to me somehow. About grandma love her to pieces, except when she’s cranky(you have no idea) :( she’s 90. I go there once a week to help her. I sweep, mop, laundry, food shop.)
[You have something written on your dating website profile to honor your grandmother? Is that really appropriate? This is the best place/way to do that sort of thing? Who was this woman?!]
Next subject. Huge animal lover. No I don’t have any pets. If you don’t like animals it’s best we part now. People who don’t like animals scare me. PASSIONS: Seduction, Intimacy, the Female Brain/the Male Brain, Self-Development, Spicy Food, Comedy, Social Dynamics (human communications).. Psychology, Human Behavior etc. I’m studying Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. So I’ll be your Superman and protect us from the bad guys not you my little Wonder Woman.
[Yes, this is pretty much the only place he actually mentions anything about himself.]
First Date (I Don’t Actually Do 1st Dates….lol)…I don’t put limits on 1st dates…I would hope you wouldn’t either.
Oh did I forget to say what exactly I’m attracted to?
[No, you just wrote an entire essay about it!]
I know I’m very vague in the presence of beauty. Stop it right now! You’re so distracting me. Let’s see. Relatively tall (5’3″ to 5’11”) Sexy very curvy voluptuous women size 4-14 yes it’s a broad range but if you’re fit and firm..hips..J.Lo booty that says “Hello Fella” and winks I’m a gonna be smiling. Also slim women I find attractive too, as long as they are petite but too petite (more than 108 pounds). [He did NOT just give exact height and weight requirements for a woman, did he?]
I also go for young chicks with athletic builds and I also like sexy cougars with attractive lifestyles. By the way..shhhh..I do have a soft mushy side.. beep beep.. I don’t show this mushy side right away. I have my Bitch (Bastard) Shield up. Don’t most of us? :)
What I would love to do upon meeting you, twirl you around gracefully like a little ballerina and have you fall into my arms looking passionately into my eyes..If I catch you of course. lol…laughing and giggling like a little girl because you feel so safe and secure within seconds of meeting me (shut up.. yes I like the corny romantic stuff sometimes).
[Are you saying “what the fuck?” as much as I am at this point?…]
I hate having to put this in here but I’m doing it to screen out women who have nothing but pretty looks to offer but no depth. Warning I’m a game playing hound for women who play “Head Games” Gals who like to just collect guys in case the ex or new guy doesn’t work out need not apply. READ THIS: Playing Hard to Get…Will make me want you LESS and other gals MORE. If you’re attractive think how many guys chase you. Did you forget it goes the other way? ;P I guess you can say I’m one of those guys that “GETS IT” “THE GAME” What I’m saying with all this tough talk?? lol.
Bonus points to those who truly get this next point: Life, human connection and true presence is way more than GAME..The only game or actually games I play are who can be the most REAL and who can give off the best energy. The BEST Game is NO GAME at all. THE END!
Looking for: short-term dating, activity partners, casual sex
What was that- 5% of his profile was about him? The other 95% was a very drawn out description of who his perfect woman is. It’s as if he believes she’s out there, going to read his profile and message him like, “Hey, that’s me! Doesn’t matter who you are!” -And if only I posted his pictures…He’s got one of him and some woman with the caption, “My lips look juicier.” I’d also post the answers he gave to some questions, but I think you could guess them based off of his “About Me.” I really hope this turns out to be a fake profile. Or maybe I hope he’s real…because I’ll always know whoever I eventually end up with could never have been as awful as this dude.
(It’s not just you, kitty.)
Rejecting Your Rejection
About a week ago I got a message from a guy on a dating site which really wasn’t a bad message. He sent me a well written paragraph about what he felt we had in common, things he found interesting on my profile, and some things he liked. I didn’t have time to reply when I read it, and later went to his profile and found that I really wasn’t interested after all. A couple of days went by and he wrote back…
Random Guy: Now i know why u girls dont respond, because you get nasty rants if you say ur not interested. I’ll tell u what. Lol you would do the same thing (rant) if u send out 50+ with 2 replies. Lol and 1 was a HS friend so that doesnt count. I just dont get it. I’m not sending msgs to models and I dont think my msgs are creepy or anything. What gives? I hope u have some dates lined up and not just declining everyone because u find one thing wrong and ur looking for mr. Perfect. Anyway, thats my rants for the day. I offically quit. Good luck =)
Myself: Actually, I reply to nearly all of the messages I get on here, even when I’m not interested…However, I only do it about once a week. I’m currently dating someone I just met from here, so I’m not interested in meeting anyone new at this time.
And FYI, 95% of the messages I send out don’t get replies. Don’t let it get to you so much.
Random Guy: Lol, I have like a billion things to say to that but its just going to come across all negative so I’ll spare us both and say…..Thanks =)
His first message now sounds like it came from someone else entirely. He thinks the girls on these sites aren’t as attractive as models and therefore we should respond? I’m happy I didn’t respond now that I saw what a jerk he turned into a moment later. -And what is with saying he had “like a billion of things” to say to my reply that would have been negative?! Yeah, I could come up with a bunch of random insults too, but I didn’t need to make him aware of that.
I replied to this message before going on my second date with intellectual-conversation-guy which I figured I’d mention is not happening again. I made up my mind that the dating vibe wasn’t there, but he was a nice guy so I made a sincere attempt at asking for friendship with him. I know, I know it’s such a line to say “let’s just be friends” but seeing that we’d only met each other twice, had had such long conversations, and got along with each other, I thought it’d be weird to just never speak again. But he wasn’t interested in my proposal and then actually tried to turn it around like he was the one rejecting me. I got some sort of apology and we’re not right for each other reply. Hey, you can’t try to reject me after I’ve already turned you down, it doesn’t work that way! After his last text, “Glad we can both be mature about this” I was even further assured I had no interest in him and suppose I’ll have to start the dating cycle from the beginning yet again. At least this time I didn’t get very far into it before returning to the start. I want someone fun again this time. Geez, I’m upsetting guys left and right lately.
Flirting = Cheating?
I’ve always kind of believed that there are people who have/would/might cheat on someone and those who haven’t/wouldn’t. I’ve never cheated on someone and don’t think I could. I’ve also never been cheated on as far as I know…But I have been in relationships where there was a lot of flirtation going on behind my back. Most people tell me that flirting doesn’t count as cheating and if I was in a relationship with someone who flirted with another girl, I wouldn’t tell my friends, “He cheated on me.” Though, isn’t that kind of the meaning of the word? A dictionary would say it is to “act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.” If one hasn’t been faithful to their agreed upon exclusive and monogamous relationship, have they not cheated? If one has been dishonest about their commitment to the other, have they not cheated? Now I don’t at all consider sleeping with another person to be equal to flirting with another, but I still have always seen flirting outside of a relationship to be a very mild form of cheating –yet still cheating. To trick one into believing they’re the only one you have eyes for and then showing interest in another simply isn’t right. If both parties have agreed to the whole thing, alright, sure why not –But if it’s being done behind one’s back, it’s simply dishonest and therefore wrong…in my opinion, anyway.
I don’t think there is such a thing as “innocent” flirting. Of course one is worse, but even if you haven’t been with someone else physically, it’s sometimes a bigger deal to have been with someone else in an emotional way. If the few giggling moments you share with someone else over a comment made is something you would hide from your partner, you have some sort of guilt about it. You’re hiding a brief moment in which you weren’t acting like they were your one and only and weren’t being faithful to them and whatever your said commitment was. If you hide something to preserve your partner’s happiness, you should instead be looking for better ways ensure and enhance their happiness.
This comes up today because of a guy who has been flirting with me –as recently as a week ago- who just changed his FaceBook relationship status to “engaged.” The first thought that ran through my head was, “I really hope this is just one of those ‘only on FaceBook, not in real life’ things.” It was followed by, not the usual –“Someone else got engaged/married/pregnant yet again, am I really that late in all of this?!” thought- But instead I suddenly felt extremely bad for a girl I’d never met before. Believe me, it’s crossed my mind to speak up and fill her in –But I have no way of contacting her, ‘nor am sure if it’s really my place to further interfere. The guy always justified that there was nothing wrong with what he said unless he acted on it. We don’t hang out (though we met a couple of times through friends, years ago) so that he’ll never be tempted. But should someone who has to avoid seeing others to avoid cheating on someone really be getting married to that person? If you really believe flirting isn’t cheating, read through some of these messages from not all that long ago with a guy who’s now engaged and tell me that if you were in his fiancés shoes, you’d still feel that way…
[He first messaged me (after we met about 10 years ago) when I wasn’t happy about my last relationship ending and I had no clue he was in one about 6 months ago…]
Not A Single Guy: if it will make you feel better i will tell you about how i think you’re very hot
Myself: really?
thats nice
thank you
youre an attractive dude
Not A Single Guy: yeah totally, you’re very attractive
why thank you
[We talk about my last relationship and the break-up…]
Not A Single Guy: i am biased on this question by the way, i think a good therapist can be very helpful
because i am in training to be a therapist right now
[We continue the conversation…]
Not A Single Guy: i wish i was finished with my training already and in [LOCATION CENSORED] so i could be your therapist
Myself: ..no that’d be no good ’cause i find you attractive that’d be weird, can’t mix profession with that kinda thing
Not A Single Guy: yeah that’s true
i find you too attractive, we might end up hoooking up
[Says the guy with the girlfriend, I’d have never guessed…]
Myself: yeah, it could be interesting/fun
but probably complicated and worse in the long run
Not A Single Guy: even right now i am looking at all these really cute fb pitctures of you
Myself: aw haha
[The conversation continues…]
Not A Single Guy: don’t tell cuz i am not single
but thinking about hooking up with you turns me on a lot
Not A Single Guy: what do you like in sex?
[If this was a conversation with someone I didn’t know, I’d have stopped replying by now…]
Myself: well if youre not single you should’nt say those things
Not A Single Guy: i just struggle sometimes i can’t help but fantasize
and you are very hot after all
i will be here fantasizing either way, it’s just a matter whether i tell you about it or not i guess
Myself: do you tell your girlfriend that though?
Not A Single Guy: not exactly
i mean she knows i look at porn and stuff and doesn’t care
Myself: well porn doesnt count
Not A Single Guy: but i am not gonna tell her that i look at picture of you in a bathing suit and get turned on
Myself: i dont know, i mean i think flirting is a form of cheating,
not as bad as others, but it still counts
[I go on explaining my opinion on this…]
Not A Single Guy: how about for you? is flirting with me fun?
Myself: well im single
Not A Single Guy: cuz it’s fun for me
so if it’s fun for you let’s keep flirting, i like it
and it’s not as bad as real cheating
and maybe it’s better for you too than going to a bar or whatever
[He says it’s “not as bad” which means he knows it’s still bad, though right?…I changed the subject after that. It stayed that way for a while, then turned into a long sexual conversation. Guess who turned it in that direction?…]
[The next day when we talk he brings up sex again. It’s now a way he tries to turn the conversation every time we talk. One day as he decides to describe what he would like to do with me I reply…]
Myself: can you send these conversations to your girlfriend? i’d feel more comfortable with you saying these things then.
Not A Single Guy: hehe ok ok
just being silly ;P
[Since when did “silly” become explicit sexual descriptions?…We go on discussing a new guy I’ve just met and if I should express my thoughts on not wanting to be in a relationship with him…]
Not A Single Guy: well i know for myself i prefer when someone says something to me rather than just disappear
Myself: youre the one that doesnt think flirting is cheating!
[The conversation continues…]
Not A Single Guy: did you tell anyone about it?
Myself: that I talked to you?
Not A Single Guy: yeah
and we flirted
[Someone feeling guilty?…I explain that hadn’t really mentioned it to anyone but planned on telling my best friend.]
Not A Single Guy: yeah? i would prefer if you didn’t.
Myself: oh, why?
Not A Single Guy: just in general i would prefer if you don’t tell people i was flirting with you
since, you know, i am seeing someone
Myself: then why do something you feel you need to hide
Not A Single Guy: i am working on it… i have been talking to my therapist about it
[We continue discussing me possibly telling my best friend about all of this…]
Not A Single Guy: you know, what if you just tell 1 person
and that person just tells one person
and then that person just tells one person…
and then everyone in [CITY CENSORED] thinks i am a jerk
[So, he knows others would see him as a jerk for this? …I continue to explain that I’m not close with any of the friends we have in common…]
Not A Single Guy: remind me not to tell you anything anymore
Myself: if its that big of a deal i could not say anything,
i just am arguing how i dont see that it is
in this situation
[I hope sharing all of this on an anonymous but public blog doesn’t count as telling anyone about it…]
Not A Single Guy: it wouldn’t feel good to me
there were other things i was thinking but i never said them to you because i figured you didn’t want me to
Myself: what do you mean
Not A Single Guy: i don’t say anymore when i am having thoughts abt you because i got the idea you don’t like it
Myself: i don’t know it just kind of makes me feel bad
Not A Single Guy: yeah it’s ok so i just keep my fantasies to myself now
anyway how’s other stuff?
[We talk some more on another topic and end the conversation…]
[Some days later we’re talking again when he tells me about the fantasies he has had about me…]
Myself: and you feel no guilt ever?
Not A Single Guy: Hmm… That’s a complicated question
But I don’t judge myself for having those fantasies
Myself: no for sharing them
with someone who’s not your girlfriend
about someone else
Not A Single Guy: Sometimes that’s what my mind wants to think about… And it feels good to think about, right?
I don’t think it’s that bad if we keep it to just talking
Myself: so it feels good and not wrong or bad?
Not A Single Guy: Yeah it feels good
Does it feel good for you?
Myself: no, it makes me feel bad for your girlfriend and it makes me feel like im doing something wrong in an uncomfortable and unappealing way. it makes me feel guilty for being one of the reasons she’s being lied to in a way. and it makes me sad because i think more guys must be like this that im going to end up dating, and because you’re probably nice and stuff to your girlfriend and she has no idea.
im surprised i feel that and you feel none of it though
it’d definitely be worse if you ever acted upon the things you think about, but that doesnt make this not bad either.
Not A Single Guy: I do feel some of that but i don’t like to share that so much
Myself: lol
well i mean thats fine, you dont need to tell me about it,
Not A Single Guy: I discuss it with my therapist
Myself: but i mean i think that you should listen to all of that stuff a little more
Not A Single Guy: Fair enough
Ok I won’t talk abt it anymore but can I just tell you one more thing
Nvm nvm
Myself: =/
Not A Single Guy: Anyway
Myself: have you cheated on her with anyone like physically?
Not A Single Guy: No
Myself: not what you consider cheating maybe, but what anyone else might?
Not A Single Guy: No
I know what cheating means
Myself: do you really? lol
Not A Single Guy: I am not laughing out loud
[Really? Because after all you said, I should be under the impression you take cheating so seriously?]
Myself: alright
Not A Single Guy: Anyway I’m sorry I shared that with you
I never had those fantasies, I just made that up, and I don’t think about anyone else besides my girl.
[Is it better to believe this is a lie or that he makes up thinking about me in conversations with me?…]
Myself: no, it’s your girlfriend i wish you’d apologize to, not me.
Not A Single Guy: I am not sorry to you, I mean I regret it
[He changed the subject to school work…]
[Days later I sent him a message…]
Myself: you’re weird.
Not A Single Guy: Why?
Myself: Because you either pretend to be sex obsessed and message people often in that way or you are and yet you have a girlfriend.
Not A Single Guy: :(
please don’t judge me
I am just doing my best. I know I am not perfect
Myself: I didn’t say you had to be perfect..I’m not either..I’m weird for other reasons..But you’re weird
[Some days later we have a conversation about a guy I’ve gone on a couple of dates with…]
Not A Single Guy: i like your profile pic by the way, it’s cute
Myself: thanks.
[It’s a picture of myself with my new kitten.]
she’s sleeping on me right now
its pretty fucking cute
Not A Single Guy: haha i meant you
the kitty is cute too tho
Myself: i know, but shes in it too and shes really cute
Not A Single Guy: true
hehe
[…And then the conversation turned sexual again.]
Myself: but still, i think you’re pretty creepy/weird and would like to hang out in person.
[Yeah, I left out the part of the conversation that explains why I want to hang out with him because I find him creepy/weird. It’s mostly a curiosity of how someone changes when you haven’t seen them in 10 years…]
Not A Single Guy: well maybe when i am down there at some ppoint
like i said, it’s not very often
plus i would be really tempted to rip your clothes off, [XXX CENSORED]
which i probably hsould not do
Myself: yeah but you said youd never cheat on your girlfriend so i believe that u wouldnt and therefore we could still hang out
[Somehow we reached a point in our conversations where I can just pretend he didn’t just say that and continue talking…]
Not A Single Guy: thats true
but part of not cheating is not putting myself in too tempting of situations
and you know that i’d be very tempted to [XXX CENSORED]
and [XXX CENSORED]
Myself: so if someone you found attractive was coming onto you, you think you’d cheat?
like if you were in that situation with no one else around or something
Not A Single Guy: no probably not but it still is better to avoid that situation if i can
Myself: okay
Not A Single Guy: like, i don’t know
if you and me were alone together
maybe you’re wearing some sexy spandex and a low cut top
i’d start staring at your [XXX CENSORED] and getting [XXX CENSORED]
then you’d come sit on my lap, lol
Myself: well i wouldnt be trying to hook up with you if we hung out. i dont do that if i know the guy is seeing someone.
[The conversation continued and ended…]
[Some days later one of those “hi, what’s up?, nothing, you?, nothing” conversations started…]
Not A Single Guy: what are you doing now?
Myself: watched a clip someone posted on fb,
gonna go to sumble upon.com
eat some cookies i baked
Not A Single Guy: hott
Myself: not really
[He turns the conversation to sexual topics again…]
Myself: i bet i could have said anything and you’d have said “hot” you just messaged me so you could try to turn the conversation to sex and see what i’d say
Not A Single Guy: well i wasn’t planning that but yeah i was thinking sexual thoughts about you already regardless of what you said
Not A Single Guy: yeah i was just thinking [XXX CENSORED]
and it reminded me of this fantasy i had about you
Myself: as you told me, you don’t actually have fantasies about me, and you always think abotu your girlfriend.
so whats going on today?
[Conversation continues and ends…]
[Then about two weeks ago we had a conversation about the last guy I’d been dating and randomly in the middle of it…]
Not A Single Guy: Can I ask you some random sex questions?
Never mind it’s not a good idea
[The conversation changed direction for some time…He asked if I wanted to try talking on a webcam and I declined…At some point in the conversation something I wore to a certain event come up, so I showed him a picture…]
Not A Single Guy: What are some of the more revealing pictures of you that have been posted on Facebook
Myself: non existent
Not A Single Guy: What abt like a low cut top?
[This last message was sent less than two weeks before FaceBook announced he got engaged. I really hope it’s one of those FaceBook-only engagements or his finance frequently reads through his messages because now I just feel bad for her.]
Note On The Conversation Posted: I think it was that we hadn’t known each other well or seen each other in years possibly that made him feel like it was okay to say the things he said. It’s like I wasn’t part of reality to him if he just kept typing away behind his computer screen -and it seemed like any other “innocent” porn he could’ve been looking at. Though, I think there should be a difference between someone you’ve hung out with and see on your FaceBook and someone you only know from pornography. I should also mention that the reason our conversations continued was because of the amount of chatting about regular topics that occurred. I left it out of this post, but I thought I’d mention that I didn’t just write him off as a creep and ignore him after that kind of talk because of the pages of conversation in which I felt like he was just like any other friend.
(Update 7/15/2013: Looks like it is indeed a real engagement & not a FaceBook joke, with a “Thank you, everyone!” to the 89 “Congratulations” comments and likes (none of which were from me.) I’m curious as to how my next conversation with this guy will go. Guess I’ll keep you posted when it happens. Oh and a fun little fact -He met the girl he’s engaged to on one of the dating websites I frequent, 2 or 3 years ago.)
(Someone else made this pretty poorly, but it was fitting for this post…)
More Dating Website Conversation Fails
Well, this is the last of what I could find skimming through the old messages in my dating website inboxes…Besides a few old conversations saved in some word documents, this will probably be the last post of my old conversations. After this I guess it’ll be newly exchanged words, and my opinions and experiences in the world of dating…
Random Guy: hey :)
[5 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: do you like little boys or something?
[…What?!]
Random Guy: Hi! Where in [CITY CENSORED] do you live?
Myself: A [NEIGHBORHOOD DESCRIPTION CENSORED] area
Random Guy: Ok, I think I know where that is. I’d love to meet and chat.
[In my city there are at least 4 well known neighborhoods fitting my description. 30 minutes later…]
Random Guy: I’m also a bad, non kosher, pork eating Jew.
[An hour later…]
Random Guy: Don’t worry, I’m circumcised
[And this is where I officially stop replying.]
Random Guy: I will keep it short and simple. I read your profile. Pretty Interesting. I think you are creative and attractive. By the way, you look great. I have a question for you??
Myself: Thanks, but I’ve yet to find I have any interest in someone with under a 70 or 80% match rating with me on this site.
[After reading up on this site’s algorithms and skimming through profiles over the last few years, I’ve found that I never have interest in someone with a 20-40% match rating. This person was in that range. It’s designed to work accurately enough. Of course you might like someone with a 72% match over someone with a 95% match in real life –But there’s still a huge difference between someone with a 20% match and an 80% match to you.]
Random Guy: Haha. Don’t trust this site to match you. This is cheap site created by few horny guys. That’s the fact.
Myself: Have you read about the math behind the matching? Have you read the articles they posted about what the % means? And that is not a fact because I actually know two people working for the site and that is false about both of them. I don’t think “Oh this person is such a good match for me because of their %” -I’m not an idiot. However, I have YET to find someone I’m even SLIGHTLY interest in who doesn’t have a % over 70. This is because the way people on the site answer their questions generates that %…Well, I’m not going to go into it too much, you can just read about it as I did if you’re interested.
Random Guy: This is all bull. It’s easy to fool regular people like you. Have smart life in future.
Myself: Yes, I’ve been completely fooled by your poor English I was so attracted to. Good luck finding a fuck buddy on here. Good news for you is that people with a close match % to yours will probably be into you as well. Good luck =)
[The “fuck buddy” part was referring to something from his profile…And the fact that he believed it was just “horny guys” controlling the site.]
Open-Minded Opinions
This is a conversation –or rather a rant I went off on- with someone from a dating website that I had about a year ago…
Random Guy: how can you say you are looking for someone open minded and in the next sentence say they can’t have views differing from yours ?
Myself: Never did I say “I’m looking for someone who can’t have different views from mine.” I chose my words how I did and I stick by them. It’s not my fault if people would like to interpret them differently. I love when people say “you said you’re open-minded, but you said you don’t like *whatever thing*” -as if people really believe being open minded is the same thing as not having an opinion. When you’re open-minded you try things out. You try different foods. Some of them you like, some you don’t. You date different people. Some of them you like, some of them you don’t. You keep an open mind to find out what you like and not to assume you don’t like something before trying it. You don’t keep an open mind because you don’t ever want to develop an opinion or your own tastes. I have no problem with people whose views differ from mine, however through my open-minded experiences I found what works for me when it comes to being in a relationship with someone. Everyone is entitled to be attracted to or not attracted to someone else for some reason or another. If physical appearance can be one of those reasons, views can be of an equal or greater importance. That does not make someone close-minded. It’s unrelated. Someone who says they hate apples and has never tried one is close-minded. Someone who bites into an apple and says they hate apples is open-minded. Expressing their view of the hatred of apples does not make them close-minded after trying one.
Random Guy: No one said you can’t form your own opinions but saying that you are open minded (which to me would mean that you are open to other peoples opinions and try to see their points of view)and at the same time say that a very larger and varied group of people you will not want to see just because of what party they might prefer and without knowing anything else about seems a little hypocritical. What if someone agrees with you on 49% of issues but decides to vote [POLITICAL PARTY CENSORED] because they agree with them on slightly more issues or issues they care about more, is that really a reason not to want to associate with them ?
Myself: I’m not open minded from other people’s opinions and trying to see their point of view? How about I dated someone with completely opposite religious views of mine? And guess what I did in that relationship? I was fucking open-minded. And little by little guess what, I fell in love anyway. We did not have the same views, but because I am open-minded we made it work. For a year. And it was the best relationship I was ever in. It eventually ended because of how he felt about our differences in those beliefs. And do you know what I got out of dating people with other views than mine, guess what I learned, when it comes to certain topics/certain issues I do not have a good relationship for this or that reason when we don’t share certain views. That has nothing to do with being open-minded. I’ve dated a [POLITICAL PARTY CENSORED] guy. I liked him too. There are just certain things that we clash with and I find it not possible to have the relationship I want with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me, when it comes to certain things that are important to me. How is that at all not having an open mind?! Where are you coming up with 49%?! Where did I say I wouldn’t associate with someone like that?! This is a damn dating profile where you find someone you want to be in a relationship with. Just because I talk about the type of relationship I want to be in, with the type of person I’d (way down the line) like to marry, it has nothing to do with me not associating with other types of people or not being friends with them. You’re putting words in my mouth, false statements, making up %’s -And you wonder why I don’t like [POLITICAL PARTY CENSORED]?! (The last sentence was a joke.) I am open-minded and I have an opinion and I know certain aspects in people, and certain views they hold, that cause me to have a good relationship with them or an okay/bad relationship with them. And I have dated people who believe completely opposite things as me. I’m the person who bites into the apple before deciding they don’t like it. Don’t accuse me of being someone who goes around saying they don’t like apples without trying them. –And being open minded is not continuing to eat apples when you don’t like them –That’s just being stupid. I’m sorry my profile misleads you that way, but you’re reading it the way you want to, and not actually reading what it says. You’re throwing in sentences that aren’t there.
Approached By More Strangers (Part 2)
I mentioned that yesterday I was approached by two guys while waiting for a date. Here’s the rest of the story…
After a little more waiting I noticed the first guy was still around the area. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to my date to exchange numbers with someone else, but what if this date didn’t work out? What if I didn’t see him again after that night? What if I’d like this other guy more? Okay, so he was attractive and maybe looked a little more adventurous and fun than my date seemed to be. Maybe it was the pretty blue eyes, the tattoos, and skateboard that called to the inner teen in me. And maybe I’ve been on a more adventurous and fun streak than the settle down with the right kind of guy route this last month or so. I’ve been starting to realize I’m no longer quite in the mood to find the completely “right” guy. I write here about the wrong ones and my disappointment in serious dating, but maybe I don’t exactly want something so serious anymore? I was all set to settle down when my last real relationship ended, and although that was disappointing, maybe it’s not what I want with my next relationship. The “right” guy can be fun, and a fun guy isn’t necessarily the “wrong” guy, but there’s a different tone in a relationship when you’re with someone just because it’s fun. The last guy I dated wasn’t right for me. We both knew that. But maybe I didn’t want it to end, not because I’d be single and have to search for a new date –But because it was fun? Maybe I do just want to be with someone fun right now. –So, I walked back over to the first guy…
Myself: So, who are you waiting for?
Random Guy1: No one.
Myself: Well, why don’t you give me your number in case this date doesn’t work out. It’s only a second date anyway.
Random Guy1: Sure. [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: [I saved the number in my phone.]
Random Guy1: I’m [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
Myself: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Random Guy1: I used to work for them! [He pointed to the brand name on my shoes.]
Myself: Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to go wait over there.
Random Guy1: Are you sure he’s coming?
Myself: Yes, I think he is.
Random Guy1: Alright, well if he doesn’t, call me.
Myself: Okay.
I went on my date with intellectual-conversation-guy and the I-want-to-date-this-guy vibe just wasn’t there. We wrapped it up early, I chipped in for dinner and headed home. I don’t have anything negative to report other than I wasn’t excited about the prospect of him in my love life. I’m also not positive, but I think the guy I’d exchanged numbers with was in the same restaurant as us, eating alone. It was a little creepy because I wasn’t sure if he’d followed me, it was a coincidence, or it wasn’t him at all. I texted the random guy from earlier after my date, anyway. Turns out I have a few more years on him than I’d assumed/hoped. I guess that’s what stirred my inner-teenage-drive? Not sure it’s a great idea to pursue a guy who may be legal, but who can’t legally buy you a drink. …Or maybe this is just where I get some early practice at being a cougar in the future? That’s the problem with looking younger than you are –Guys either assume you’re 14 and ignore you, or else 14 is actually a lot closer to their age than yours. I can’t wait until this is the good thing they’ve been telling me about once I hit 30 or 40.
Dating Website Conversations That Went Nowhere
I went through some more messages in my dating website inbox. Here are some bad conversations which went nowhere on one site. Most of these are from a year ago or more…
Random Guy: mmmm
Myself: Yeah, you put a lot of thought into that message, I really want to reply.
Random Guy: You totally did reply, though.
: (
Myself: Yes, I replied with sarcasm.
Random Guy: I beleive in santa claus?
Myself: Fake profile as it’s hardly filled out, or attempt at being unique and hoping for a reply…
Random Guy: who has time 4 this
[Obviously not the guy who doesn’t have the time to spell out “for”…]
Random Guy: I’m wondering if you’d like to hang out with me this week.
Myself: I think it’ll take me a while to meet someone in person from here.
Random Guy: “My Turn Off’s: Not being open minded, ” [This is something he copy and pasted from my old profile.]
Myself: I don’t see how the two are related. One is a safety/comfort issue.
Random Guy: hi. you are way out of my league but maybe we can be besties? im great at errands and, um, all of that. wait nevermind how embarassingg. haha sorry! you rule! can i just paypal you for no reason?! eek
[I told him I wasn’t over someone, which was true at the time…It’s nicer than adding the part about how strange the message is.]
And then there was the time I gave a real answer to a guy I wasn’t interested in…
Random Guy: Why is it so hard to meet someone it feels right to be with.
Myself: Everyone is very different in many different ways. It’s rare to find someone who’s weaknesses pair well with your strengths (and vice versa), who has things in common with you enough to generally be on the same page with you in most situations, and who’s faults you can stand because of enough positivity in the rest of their personality traits. People have different priorities in relationships and you have to find someone who is strong enough in the categories most important to you, and what they lack only shows up in areas that don’t matter so much to you.
Dating Website Conversation #9
Skimming through old messages I found this conversation from a couple of years ago. I’m really surprised I even responded!…
Random Guy: Okay, so listen, I’ve gotta ask — are you really as ticklish as you look?
Myself: I am not ticklish at all. I was as a kid, but then it went away for some reason.
Random Guy: can’t be. you must still have some spots. fess up
Myself: Nope, none.
Random Guy: you’re too cute to be completely non-ticklish… sorry, i still just don’t buy it. here’s the $64,000 question — does being tickled make you feel submissive?
Myself: It really doesn’t do anything to me.
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.
Asked Out & Rejected By The Same Stranger
Today I was out in public meeting up with an old friend. I pulled out my phone to locate him when a stranger, probably around my age range, and generally attractive (though, not my type) approached me…
Random Guy: “Did you know it’s illegal to text in [OUR LOCATION CENSORED]?”
Myself: “Well, I’m not texting. I’m about to call my friend because I’m meeting him here and I don’t see him.”
Random Guy: “Oh, well wait don’t call yet, I have to ask you something!”
[I call my friend and locate him about 10 seconds later. He awkwardly stands and waits while I finish the conversation with the stranger. He’s the type of friend that would be cool with this. Why the random guy didn’t feel uncomfortable by my friend’s presence is a mystery to me. He did introduce himself to my friend, at least…]
Random Guy: “If a guy came up to you and told you that he thought you were really pretty, what would you say?”
Myself: “I would say ‘thank you’ –I think that’s something most people would go with.”
Random Guy: “Yeah, that is a good answer. You know what a better answer would be? ‘Wow, that compliment meant so much to me and I found it so incredibly touching that I really owe you and I want to go out on a date with you.’”
Myself: “Do you get that answer often? Is that what girls tell you?”
Random Guy: “Well, I used to go up to them and ask if they would kiss me.”
Myself: “Yeah, most of them probably wouldn’t go for that. You’d need to find the right type who would.”
Random Guy: “A couple of them would kiss me. Most of the time it didn’t work out well. So, how about we exchange numbers?”
Myself: “But I don’t know you!”
Random Guy: “Yeah but how else will we get to know each other? We could go out and talk and get to know each other.”
Myself: “Um, well wouldn’t I just be one of like hundreds of people you’ve done this with? I’d go out with you, but you’d be going out with lots of other girls who agreed to this too?”
Random Guy: “I don’t know, but you should let me put my number in your phone.”
[Nights of loneliness ran through my mind and I had a brief moment of “aw, what the hell…”]
Myself: “Alright, what’s your number?”
Random Guy: “That’s a huge case on your phone.”
Myself: “No, it has a keyboard attached.”
Random Guy: “Oh. Okay, but you have to actually text me, though –This isn’t high school.”
Myself: “Okay, fine! I’ll text you, the random guy in my phone. -But right now I’m going to spend some time with my friend.”
Random Guy: “Nah, you know what. I can’t. I don’t date 14 year olds.”
Myself: “I’m [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED]!”
[He walked away in the middle of my revealing my age –which is in my 20’s. I shrugged it off and grabbed some dinner with my friend.]
Tonight I also met/had my first date with intellectual-conversation-guy. His profile and messages actually gave a pretty good representation of himself! If my posts here start lacking quality, you know why.
PS- It made me a little nervous to see my page views jump from 300 to over 2,500 overnight but I’m glad you’re all enjoying this and I hope to keep it up for you =)
Dating Website Inbox
I don’t have a great post for you today because I’ve actually been enjoying most of my recent social interactions again, but I’ll still leave you with something. Oh, and apparently people only like to read blogs with pictures, so I’m going back through my posts and adding pictures to some of them for you.
I love how original some of the messages I get on these dating sites are…
Message From [FIRST NAME CENSORED]115: Hi my name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Really? I’d have never guessed that from your username.]
Let’s continue scrolling through my inbox of unanswered messages from this past week…
Random Guy 1: Gi
Random Guy 1: Hi
[Seriously? Who makes a typo in a two-letter-word message to someone they’ve never sent an e-mail to before?]
Random Guy 2: Hi how are you tonight?
Random Guy 3: hi!!!
[Because the exclamation points make it original, right?]
Random Guy 4: Hey what’s going on??
[May I remind you these messages are (the first) e-mails in an inbox on a dating site. NOT from the use of a chat program on the dating site.]
Random Guy 5: Heyyy!! How are you doing? :)
Random Guy 6: Hello
Random Guy 7: Hello. My name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
Random Guy 8: Hey how are you? You seem fun so I wanted to say hello! Got anything good planned for your weekend? –[FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Hey, look at you adding a second question…]
Random Guy 9: Hey
Random Guy 10: Heyy I just bumped into your profile and found it pretty interesting. . do you mind chatting?
[Yes, I mind. That’s why you didn’t get a reply. See, you didn’t even need to ask the question to find out the answer!]
Random Guy 11: Hey how are you doing tonight ?
Random Guy 12: Hey how are you ..? I would definitely like to get to know you better ..so get back to me :-)
Random Guy 13: Hey
[That last one came in as I was posting this…]
I should point out that I didn’t post four messages which either said some version of “you’re sexy” or a short description of themselves which could also be found on their profile. But that is 4 out of 14 nearly identical messages…
So, if you’re a guy actually hoping for a reply to your initial message to a girl on a dating site, keep in mind that this is probably what her inbox looks like already and try to come up with something a little more interesting.
Tired Of Dating Guy & Bad Timing
A few months ago I met a guy at a party. We were in the middle of a good conversation as the party was winding down, so we headed to over my place. We continued talking throughout the night until we passed out around 7am. “Talking” wasn’t code name for anything -Nothing happened. When I woke up he was gone. There was no note, nothing left behind. It was the strangest feeling, like a one night stand (which I’ve never had anyway) -but without the sex- possibly making it even more depressing. Thanks to technology, I found him on the internet shortly after. He seemed interested in seeing me again. A few days later I invited him to a comedy show and got, “Sorry, I just met someone and we really hit it off, so I’m not interested in dating anyone else at this time.” I’d missed my opportunity in just a few days? Whatever happened to “you should wait a few days before calling after a first date?” Are you supposed to follow the damn rules or not? (Typically, I don’t.) It’d been a decent chunk of months since that day, so I decided to check in with him the other night and see if he wanted to hang out. Now, I found his blunt honesty pretty attractive, however it no longer seemed we were interested in the same thing. In just those few months he’d gone from searching for a date to searching just for sex. I know “all guys want sex” and all of that, but don’t we all sort of grow out of that “Woo, let’s just hook up!” phase by our early twenties or so? Maybe not. Either way, the timing was all off in yet another episode in the world of dating, and I will continue to be tired of the whole damn thing. I guess that’s just how dating leaves people after a while –you settle, give up, or just end up looking for sex. Here is a little (somewhat cut-down version) of the actual conversation…
Myself: hi, wanna hang out ever?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Lol sure, can I ask if the extracurricular activities that might have been on the table the first time we hung out still on the table (maybe)?
Myself: I don’t think I understand your question??
Tired Of Dating Guy: [There’s an elaboration on making out/etc. here…] I trying to refer to that in the least sleazy way and now it still sounds sleazy
Myself: Ohh…Well that’s kind of awkward to discuss? I mean, I don’t know I am single or whatever [Elaboration on being single…]…So if you ever saw me you’d just be interested in like hooking up, though?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Yeah it is awkward but I’ve been in a funk and frankly I put more weight in honestly. [Elaboration on me being single…] And no I’m cool with just hanging out but let’s be honest I’m a guy, we always think about hooking up.
[I love that he lumps himself into such a stereotyped category of guys.]
Tired Of Dating Guy: My apologies if that’s too blunt
Myself: I’m good with the honesty. [I continue to explain what I’m looking for…] I guess you’d have sounded like too much of an asshole if you just went with “Well yeah, I have no interest in seeing you except to hook up with you in some way…”
[We go on discussing what he’s looking for…]
Tired Of Dating Guy: And yes the past 4 months or so I’ve gone through some short periods of seeing someone and none of the situations panned out so I took a step back and at this point if any situation came up for me I’d prefer a more casual or no strings type of thing
[The rest of the conversation is sort of me just speaking through a long sigh as he tells me it’s all he’s looking for now.]
Dating Website Conversation #8
I’ve got another great example of why I’m tired of dating…The intellectual-conversation-guy hasn’t replied in days and if that wasn’t disappointing enough, my inbox’s recent messages have been replaced with the following conversation from someone else…
Random Guy: hello how are you beautiful
Myself: I’m alright, thanks.
I don’t think we would be a good match, though.
Good luck on your search here.
Random Guy: Oh thank u don’t break my heart now lol
Random Guy: You look amazing Poole are exiting when they saw you …with that elegant body well we can be friends if you Like it
Myself: No, thank you.
The way you write is really unattractive.
Random Guy: Ok I’m sorry I have to be ones with you I have some family problems and was on bad mood that’s why I talk with you unattractive
Random Guy: :(
Myself: It’s the grammar that bothers me.
Random Guy: I’m sorry but do not have a lot of years here
Random Guy: Well you probably born here but I came here lol
Myself: That’s understandable, but being on a dating site (which requires you to write messages) might not be the best place for you to meet people then.
Random Guy: Ok can just call me if you can or text my Internet it is very slow [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: um, no thank you. I’m not interested. Like I already mentioned, I don’t think we’re a good match. I just think it’s rude to ignore people, even on here, so I was just letting you know. You’re not the type of guy I want to date.
Good luck, though.
Random Guy: Ok lol bey
Random Guy: Ok thank you
Oh man, I should call him, record it, and take these posts to a whole new level! (Not quite there, yet…)
And seriously, who’s on 56k in this day and age anyway that they can’t even click “Send” on online dating site message?
I wonder if some girls are as persistent when turned down as some of these guys are…
—Great news mid-posting (bad news for substance in my posts here)— Intellectual-conversation-guy has just replied after a long awaited 4 days!
(Or let’s just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking…)
Dating Website Conversation #7
My dating website profile specifies that I am looking for guys in my age range (20’s), without children. Of course everyone else on the website is taking it as seriously as I am. Here is today’s winner, a recent message I haven’t replied to…
Random Guy: hi [MY USERNAME CENSORED] :)
I’ve been on here for less than two weeks and I think I’ve signed in twice! But your profile just came up as I was venturing into my first search and I enjoyed reading your witty responses and also thought that your photos were fabulous! So…..it would be great to chat sometime of you are interested….my profile is deliberately sparse so I’m [NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED], 41 years old, 5 10, originally from England, came to [CITY CENSORED] in 2010 via Canada. I’m 100% honest and upfront and that means declarations now! Lol never married, 12 year old daughter in Canada who I visit twice a month, I’m employed, never done drugs, never cheat and am sane, positive and easy going :)
I’d love to hear from you soon :)
[NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED]
Sometimes I’m not incredibly shocked, disgusted, annoyed, or amused by the messages I get, they just make me sigh…
Crab Guy
I’m sorry I took a few days off from making posts here. I was busy meeting new people in real life and also having an actual intellectual conversation with someone on a dating site for a change. I’ve been pretty distracted. Hopefully this recent dating site dude will provide quite a story if we meet or I’m going to be out of material on here for a while!
I should clarify that this other guy I’m about to quote is actually pretty cool. I met him a couple of days ago in a completely random situation and if his friends ever decide to utilize my contact information I’ll be in touch with them again…
Random Guy: *holds out plastic crab figurine* “Do you want my crab?”
Myself: “I’m not sure the best pick up line you should be using on girls is asking if they want your crabs.”
Random Guy: “I know, I’m really not very good with lines. That sounded pretty bad. This one time a girl on [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED] said she needed a place to stay while her apartment was being fumigated and I said that she could stay at my place even though we hadn’t met before.”
Myself: “That’s not a line…”
Random Guy: “I know, that’s what I mean. I’m really bad with lines.”
Dating Website Conversation #6
Well, it was getting late tonight and I was starting to think I wouldn’t have anything at all for this today. I reactivated one of my old dating site profiles a little earlier, because you know, you never know. Though, I definitely feel like this one is one of the crummier sites. We’ll see! Anyway, it’s not much but at least I got something. It’s mostly just me being silly again towards yet another guy I have no interest in, though. Sometimes I think it comes off as a little more mean than completely honest…
Random Guy: Hi beautiful forever are u doing i see u online can we chat if u don’t mind
Myself: Nah, it’s possible you find me attractive at this moment, but it’s pretty unlikely I would be beautiful forever. Most likely as I age, as all humans do, I will become more and more unattractive. I will gain wrinkles, lose hair, get all saggy and whatever. Of course, one can remain beautiful on the inside -though it seemed like you were making the comment directed at physical attractiveness as you attached some pictures of yourself to this message. Thank you for your compliment, however I’m going to decline the invite to chat with you. I do mind because I’m not interested and I don’t want to. Have a great night and good luck on this site!
Dating Website Conversation #5
Here’s a very short correspondence I had with someone on a dating website nearly one year ago that I was never sure about how to react to…
Random Guy: Well hello… this may sound a bit silly but I love your nose :)
Myself: That’s a pretty odd line.
Random Guy: It’s true however :)
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.
Date With Clingy Guy
A few months ago I started chatting with guy from an online dating site, who would soon be moving to my area. In fact, he was moving into a building just a couple of blocks away from where I live. We met the day after he moved in. We took a walk and I showed him around the neighborhood. -But let me explain what happened about 5 minutes before that. I went with my “your life is not being threatened” vibe and went up to his apartment with him. I was still in my “this is really uncomfortable” phase. We’d only met about 10 minutes earlier. We sat on his couch and talked for about 20 or 30 minutes. He asked me if I wanted to move closer to him. I replied with “I’m good here.” A few minutes later he moved closer to me anyway. I stood up and suggested we go for a walk. As I stood by his front door he hugged me and gave me the obvious “I’m about to kiss you” look. I did the only thing that came naturally to me to do, and that was to clearly express exactly how I felt. I spit out a robotic, “I’m very uncomfortable right now.” He let go. I blurted out that I wasn’t over my ex. He said he didn’t know that. On our walk he asked a lot of questions about my commute to work, how long it took me to get there and address of my job. I did my best not to revel a lot of this. After an hour of walking with him I said I was going to head home. He asked if I would see him the next day. I declined. Before I knew how clingy he was, I was considering a friendship and nothing more. Then the following text message conversations occurred…
Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Do you think you’ll feel up to hanging out tonight?
Clingy Guy: There’s a movie I want to see Olympus Has Fallen. Interested?
Myself: Nah, I’m def. going to bed when I get home.
Clingy Guy: Room for one more?
Myself: Haha no, there are already 2 more, my cats.
Clingy Guy: I want to meet them one day!
Clingy Guy: Do you watch The Walking Dead?
Myself: I don’t
Clingy Guy: Oh it’s really good. I taped it last night and I can’t wait to watch it when I get home.
Myself: Not my taste in shows.
Clingy Guy: I could get into Star Trek. I like sci fi.
(Note: I had mentioned I watched an episode of Star Trek the day before. Apparently he thought he’d start watching whatever I watched so we could watch it together. He then continued to text me about his day.)
An Hour Later
Clingy Guy: I can’t tell if you want to see me again or not
Myself: Dating? No. Friends? Sure! If that’s alright for you.
Clingy Guy: I know you’re not over your ex… Do you think you might be open to dating later on?
Clingy Guy: However long it takes for you to be ready.
Myself: That’s really not something I can predict. If I’m eventually able to have feelings for another person I didn’t get any vibes in that direction towards you.
Clingy Guy: I’d be quite happy to have you as a friend.
(Note: He then continued to question and criticize my previous relationship. I was of course uneasy about him answering about his comfort in a friendship alone after I’d expressed my lack of a romantic interest.)
Clingy Guy: My mom is an amazing cook and she just brought me a pot of homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs. More than one person can eat alone. What should I do???
Myself: Refrigerate the rest and bring it for lunch tomorrow.
Clingy Guy: You’re missing out lol
(Note: I believe we were up to him asking to see me after I declined 5 times in the same day.)
2nd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Want to hang out this evening or tomorrow?
Myself: Can’t. Tonight I’m going to a stand up comedy show. Tomorrow I’m going to the mall with a friend.
(Note: He then continued to ask details about my plans. At this point he was checking my dating website profile multiple times a day.)
3rd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Clingy Guy: I’ve been single since November too
Clingy Guy: Don’t you get lonely?
Clingy Guy: I miss having someone just to cuddle with and kiss. Isn’t that important to you too?
Myself: I can’t ignore people well, though it’s a method many use when they’re not interested in someone. Instead, I’m very honest. You seem to check in a lot/keep asking to see me and it comes off as kind of pushy/much. Also, I would be okay with being your friend if I felt like you weren’t just hoping for more to come of it, but it’s making me uncomfortable. I haven’t lied about being busy or my phone dying, but I am thinking we shouldn’t hang out again so soon. I find it a little weird you’re on my [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED] profile 2-3 times a day also. I hope you’re not the stalker-type as you live in my area, though I hadn’t gotten that feeling from meeting you –although you did ask a lot of specifics of when I went to work/how. If I met you randomly some place, we could be friends, but you don’t seem to be leaning that way. I don’t get the dating/cuddly/crush/etc. kind of feeling towards you at all. It’s not headed in that direction for me. If I am kissing or cuddling with anyone it would happen very, very slowly with someone who’s style isn’t rushing as yours seems to be. It might even take me a couple of years. Good luck on your dating search. Message some girls on [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED], you might have some luck. I’m sorry if I mislead you.
Clingy Guy: I can’t wait years. I need intimacy in my life.
Myself: We differ.
Clingy Guy: I understand and respect your decision.
(Note: He continued to give advice about my last relationship.)
Clingy Guy: I suppose any attempt of mine to change your mind would be disregarded as I have vested interest.
Clingy Guy: So whatever you choose to do, best of luck
Myself: Thanks.
Clingy Guy: And don’t worry I’m not going to stalk you lol
It’s a little creepy that he actually needed to tell me that last text. It’s been about three months and he messaged me on the dating website again the other night…
Clingy Guy: I see you’re still on here — I still haven’t found anyone special either. Want to hang out some time and maybe give it another shot?
Myself: Dating someone I met through here for three months
Clingy Guy: Oh congrats
I did leave out the part about how the guy I’d been dating and I stopped seeing each other three days before I received his message, but I’m starting to learn that some people just might need some small lies and half truths sometimes.
Dating Website Conversation #4
I know a lot of people are attracted to confidence, but I’ve always generally been one drawn to those who lack most of it. Though I may not be part of the majority on that, I still think it’s a little over the top to claim you’re the one for someone who you’ve never even met before. I mean really, to declare that you’re the one someone has been waiting for –someone who they couldn’t do without- before even speaking to them, is just too much.
Random Guy: I can be so good to you that you will wonder why you have done without me for so long. So lets talk.
Myself: No, thanks…I hate cockiness. Huge turn off for me. Good luck on here, a girl you’d be more interested in would probably like your approach.
Random Guy: Cockiness…confidence. …persistence. ..pride……whatever you want to call it
Myself: Yes, all of those things, I’m just not a fan. Just me, personally =)
Random Guy: you are absurd
Myself: Nah, I just have a high respect for those who are more humble/modest in that sense. I find it more attractive when someone is more sensitive in that way.
Dating Website Conversation #3
Here’s a conversation from a couple of weeks ago…
Random Guy: id own you
Myself: Creepy.
Random Guy: Your creepy? I though you were cute
Myself: Your message is very creepy.
Tired Of Dating 