Dating Website Inbox

I don’t have a great post for you today because I’ve actually been enjoying most of my recent social interactions again, but I’ll still leave you with something. Oh, and apparently people only like to read blogs with pictures, so I’m going back through my posts and adding pictures to some of them for you.

I love how original some of the messages I get on these dating sites are…
Message From [FIRST NAME CENSORED]115: Hi my name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Really? I’d have never guessed that from your username.]

Let’s continue scrolling through my inbox of unanswered messages from this past week…
Random Guy 1: Gi
Random Guy 1: Hi
[Seriously? Who makes a typo in a two-letter-word message to someone they’ve never sent an e-mail to before?]
Random Guy 2: Hi how are you tonight?
Random Guy 3: hi!!!
[Because the exclamation points make it original, right?]
Random Guy 4: Hey what’s going on??
[May I remind you these messages are (the first) e-mails in an inbox on a dating site. NOT from the use of a chat program on the dating site.]
Random Guy 5: Heyyy!! How are you doing? :)
Random Guy 6: Hello
Random Guy 7: Hello. My name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
Random Guy 8: Hey how are you? You seem fun so I wanted to say hello! Got anything good planned for your weekend? –[FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Hey, look at you adding a second question…]
Random Guy 9: Hey
Random Guy 10: Heyy I just bumped into your profile and found it pretty interesting. . do you mind chatting?
[Yes, I mind. That’s why you didn’t get a reply. See, you didn’t even need to ask the question to find out the answer!]
Random Guy 11: Hey how are you doing tonight ?
Random Guy 12: Hey how are you ..? I would definitely like to get to know you better ..so get back to me :-)
Random Guy 13: Hey
[That last one came in as I was posting this…]

I should point out that I didn’t post four messages which either said some version of “you’re sexy” or a short description of themselves which could also be found on their profile. But that is 4 out of 14 nearly identical messages…
So, if you’re a guy actually hoping for a reply to your initial message to a girl on a dating site, keep in mind that this is probably what her inbox looks like already and try to come up with something a little more interesting.

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6 thoughts on “Dating Website Inbox

  1. I always tell my students who date online that they need to be engaging above all else. Don’t be typical, yet don’t go to extreme lengths to stand out.

    Question to you: would you know an engaging message when you see it? What would be your “ideal” opener?

    • I wouldn’t really say there’s one ideal message, but it would be something with a little more depth…possibly sharing a similar interest in something from my profile –a REASON they thought we might be a good match-…unique follow up questions…a short paragraph about something that looks like they wrote it to me and it wasn’t a generic copy-and-paste…something unique…something detailed with some thought put into it…something that’s been run through spell check…something like that I would reply to. “Hi” might be a place to begin in the real world, depending on where you were, but it just doesn’t cut it when it comes to online dating.

  2. This is one of the hardest things I’ve found in using online dating. Composing a message is exhausting in large part because I’m expected to be engaging, funny, excited but not the type to be clingy, interested but distant at the same time all the while I know next to nothing about this person and that is assuming that what they have written is honest in the first place. For that matter, normal conventions don’t work either. Like you said, “Hi.” and “My name is…” seem a little short or redundant. Saying, “I really liked reading your profile.” or “I’d like to get to know you better.” seem obvious to the absurd. I wouldn’t be writing at all if it weren’t for being interested. I know it doesn’t help that I over think things, because all of this goes into the first two sentences. Don’t even get me started on punctuation. . .

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