Be Wary Of Stated Height & “Roommates”

He looked cute, didn’t live too far, had a job, was about my age, and didn’t write anything too creepy about himself, so I tapped the “like” icon and a few text messages later our date was set. The future is now, I guess. When I asked him to name a time and a place he went with some kind of sports bar at 10pm, so I assumed this would be more about hooking up, but knowing my back-up plan was off the table, I was still planning on showing up. (A few days earlier I’d texted my hook-up buddy after a year of silence to confirm he’d met someone.) Lately most of my nights were ending by 10pm, but I felt like it would be silly to protest after I had asked him to choose, so I kept myself busy and awake. I wore my favorite jeans, a plain black tank top, and knowing he wasn’t that tall flat open-toed sandals with blue nail polish because I thought it represented myself the best. It was an hour away, so my mind raced the entire time. How would the night go? What if he wasn’t attractive? What if he was crazy? What if I said too much? What was I going to order? What if I got tired too early? Would he come all the way back to my place if things went well? Was I willing to go to his place? Would we stop for food because I’d skipped dinner?

I got off the train and it seemed like everyone was already drunk. Women wobbled down the streets in heels, groups of guys laughed trying to figure out the next bar they’d hit, and one guy slapped a girl’s ass as she got in the car with him. (She didn’t seem very upset with him about it and I pretended not to notice.) I was running pretty late. Being that this is completely unlike me, it’d already thrown me into an awkward tizzy upon meeting him. He was pacing outside and I recognized him right away, but he was shorter than I thought he’d be. I mean, I’m considered pretty short for a woman and I was trying to figure out if he was actually any taller than me. I had a second of panic where I started to walk by him as if I’d pretended not to see him yet, but then I stopped walking and turned and he seemed to recognize me too. It was the first time I’d been on a date since my shorter haircut and I had wondered if it would be an issue since my hair was longer in most of my pictures. He hugged me hello and I was awkward as fuck.

We walked into the bar and it was surprisingly completely empty, except for a couple at one of the tables. It turns out it was a holiday weekend and they were closing early, but we had about an hour until last call. My eyes darted everywhere but on him, my body language faced away from him, and I argued with myself in my head about being so superficial as to be this un-attracted to someone over their height. What, I’d always said I didn’t want someone too tall, but now I was with someone too short, so was I really so picky as to have to be with someone who fell within my perfect range (where most people did happen to be)? Here I sat, as Goldilocks. I turned to look at him. He was cute. Everything about his appearance was perfectly okay, couldn’t I let his height go? I’d known his height before meeting him hadn’t I? Sure it was 2 inches shorter than what I prefer, but I’d gone out with someone an inch under it before and it wasn’t a big deal. Had he lied about his height? Had he really said he was just a little taller than he was when he was actually this short, and didn’t think there was a possibility some might be disappointed upon meeting him? I answered his questions with a slight delay because I was in the middle of this conversation in my head. He’d asked what I’d spend that day doing, it wasn’t a difficult question, so it shouldn’t have taken me so long to respond and add, “What about you?” He’d been helping his roommate move out. When I realized what I was doing, and how odd it must have seemed that it was taking me so long to realize he’d asked a question, I turned to face him and started out with, “So where did you grow up?” I ordered my drink with extra olives. He doesn’t like olives, but he does like pickles, and I have 3 jars of pickles in my refrigerator. This is the part where you learn lots of little facts about each other that will usually eventually become utterly useless. I sort of skimped on the details of some of my best stories because the repetition of telling them on so many previous dates had kind of killed it for me. We talked about our jobs, religion, and eventually our past relationships.

I asked him when the last time was that he’d been in a relationship. He shifted his weight in his seat and said “Actually, pretty recently. It ended a month ago.” They’d been together for over 2 years and he ended things because he didn’t see a future between them. I hated that my first thought was, “How tall was she, and was height never an issue?” I asked if they’d lived together and they had. Then something clicked. Clearly I hadn’t been drinking enough. “Wait a minute,” I said. “Is the roommate you were helping move out today your girlfriend?” He paused and nervously smiled, “Ex-girlfriend. And well, to be honest, I wasn’t going to bring it up, but Tuesday. She moves out Tuesday. I’ve been on the couch.” That was different. It didn’t really bother me, but I was a little thrown. We continued the conversation, moved on, and ordered our second drink before last call. The check came with it and while he seemed to be under the impression it was automatically on him to pay when I offered to split it, he was pretty open to it and accepted my offer. I grumbled about it in my head for a moment, but he had offered, my drinks had been more expensive and I had gotten another raise at my job not all that long ago. At some point that night I told him that I’d deducted some points from him for that. “But you offered!” he protested. “I know, But I was hoping you’d refuse. I just offer to seem nice, like I don’t actually care. I don’t usually, except the first couple of dates,” I admitted. He started to defend himself, “See, I never know, because sometimes-” I cut him off, “I know, I know, some girls want the independence and I know I want things to be equal and all that too but I guess I just like to know someone would be willing to pay for me sometimes early on.” At some point I also told him that he was shorter than I thought he’d be. I forget how mean my bluntness can sound sometimes. But I also told him that I wasn’t sure of what to make of the situation because he was cute otherwise. He said he might have rounded up on his height. Clearly. And he was clearly aware of his height.

A group of people had walked in and were excited to find out they were being allowed one drink before the bar closed. My date got up to use the restroom. The girl sitting on my right asked the bartender what the age of the crowd that’s usually there was and then she turned to me and asked if I’d been there before. I asked her to guess my age. She shaved 5 years off my age. I smiled, thanked her, and revealed my real age. Then a guy appeared on my left in the seat my date had been in. “So how’s your date going?” he asked. “Um, alright. Have you been listening the entire time?” I replied. He told me, “He better take you somewhere nicer than this place after this.” I kind of couldn’t believe this was happening. “Well, I asked him if we could get some cheap pizza after this, so I think we’re going to do that because that’s what I requested.” He laughed, “Cheap pizza alright, right on.” He asked how we met and I told him it was through an app. “You actually met someone through there?!” It was only the second or third person I’d met through that one in particular. “Well, listen, if you don’t like how tonight’s going, why don’t you let me know,” He held up his phone to me with the “enter a new contact” screen open. “That’s not nice! I can’t do that!” I said. Granted it wasn’t helping his case that while clearly taller, he wasn’t very attractive. My date returned. “Hey bro, what’s up?” He introduced himself to my date, but I don’t remember his name. They shook hands. It must have been awkward for both of them. “Let’s get some pizza” I said and that ended there as we headed out.

He sat across from me as I hungrily shoveled two slices of pizza into my mouth. At this point I mostly only remember our discussion about how he enjoys eating meat more than salads, and we seemed to be in agreement about a few other things. After that we walked. I told him we were headed towards my place, or at least the best train to take the hour ride back. He was pretty hesitant about it. The walk alone would have been 30 or 40 minutes and I guess he wasn’t really the walking type. It must have been 1 or 2 in the morning by then. I dragged him along a bit further. “So what’s with asking me to meet you at 10pm?” I asked, “I figured this must be some sort of hook up plan more than anything else. When’s the last time you slept with someone?” I seemed to have caught him off guard and he asked if his answer made a difference in anything. He said it was recent. “I get it,” I said, “You and your girlfriend broke up a month ago, and you joined this app. You’re not exactly looking for something serious because you just got out of this long term relationship, and you slept with someone, what a week ago?” He laughed, “It actually was a week ago.” Continuing to guess right, I added, “And she was the first since your ex.” He nodded, “So what about you, how long has it been?” I told him how many months. “Ah, that’s why you’re leading me towards your place.” I laughed, “Not exactly, I haven’t made up my mind about that yet.” He wasn’t too keen on this long walk in the middle of the night I had in mind, so he said if I was inviting him to my place, he’d get us a cab.

Back at my place, I wasn’t impressed with him and he knew it, but all too late. Then it just got kind of awkward. Of course I let him spend the night, it was around 4am at that point, but when he wanted to make up for things the next morning, I just wasn’t up for it. I got lazy about sending him home, though. We stayed in my bed and talked for a while until the morning had turned to the afternoon. Maybe this was actually when we’d had that conversation about who paid for the drinks. “I lost points?” he asked. I explained where I’d deducted points from his score. There are no actual numbers, of course. “It’s like when you go to the carnival and you get tickets based on how well you play the games. You get to trade the tickets in for prizes. Right now you probably had enough for a couple of stickers and an eraser, but you just got the Play Station 2 and giant teddy bear.” I told him I was going away on business and wouldn’t be free for two weeks –which was true. “So, can I see you again when you’re back?” he asked. The idea didn’t really excite me, but then again what else –who else- was I doing at this point? “Maybe,” I answered. “I know how this goes, you know. You say ‘maybe’ now, then we don’t talk for two weeks, and then when I text you after that you say you’re busy and we never see each other again.” Okay, that had been one plan I had in my mind already. I told him we could text and discuss it when I got back. When he got dressed all I could think about was his height again. I thought he should’ve worn a shorter shirt, or maybe if he would just tuck it in…The t-shirt dragged over his pants, swallowing most of his body, and seemed to make him appear even shorter. “I’m going to hurt his feelings, I know it,” I thought. He lingered around, he wanted to kiss me goodbye again, but I was already opening the front door.

I got the “I had a good time” text from him a day or two later and I responded. Another two days passed and I checked in again. I mentioned that I had put my air conditioner in. “So it will be cooler next time I come over?” he texted. “Is that nonchalantly ‘Will you be inviting me over again’?” I replied. “Well given that you are texting me I know I’ll be seeing you again. Though now that my roommate has moved out it might not be at your place.” How forward of him. “Well, you wouldn’t be the only person I texted who I have only met once that I still text, but until the train by you stops skipping my stop, I doubt I’m heading that way too soon,” I texted. “It’s good the other train isn’t far from me either then. How about we hang out tomorrow and then it’s up to you if you want to go to work from here the next day or head home that night,” he persisted. “Too many reasons why I’m not up for that, but we can re-discuss hanging out when I get back,” I replied. “Sounds ok other than re-discussing,” my phone buzzed once again and that’s where this story hangs for two weeks…

Should I have at least thanked him for the compliment?

Maybe I was a little bitchy here, but I was bored and hadn’t replied to any messages in a while…
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Actual Screenshot From My Match Results…

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He’s single because this is his profile picture on the dating site.
I’m single because the dating site suggested his profile to me.

This goes out to that random asshole…

What’s worse than someone keeping a dating blog? Someone trolling a dating blog! Does it get any more pathetic than that? To be honest, I thought it would have happened years ago, but I actually just got my first ever negative comment on this blog! (I marked it as spam after quickly skimming through it because it was long -and who wastes time reading crap like that anyway?!) The only part I read was where the prick entirely misunderstood something I’d said in one post, and went on to throw insults at me over it. The best part was towards the bottom when they made some asinine list about how to be a good girlfriend. Yeah, I’m pretty sure the internet troll verbally attacking a woman on her blog has the best dating advice! –And certainly they don’t deserve this much attention over the comment, but I felt like it was a milestone I wanted to log. My blog’s been trolled by an internet jerk –It’s totally an official blog now! So thank you, internet troll, for helping make this blog legit <3
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This is why I decided not to message you…

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I’m not entirely against a short list attributes or types of relationships one is not interested in posted on their dating profile. I mean if there is some feature in a person or relationship you’re 100% turned off by without exception and you think it’ll help weed out the messages your receiving by stating that out in the open, that isn’t generally a given (“I don’t like to date people who are mean to me”) -then sure put it out there. However, drawing attention to a very specific incident that went awry, doesn’t look good for you and isn’t going to prevent that situation from repeating. The odds of that exact situation repeating are pretty slim to begin with, so there’s no reason to devote a section of your profile to it. This particular paragraph sent so many red flags through my mind. First of all, it makes this person look revengeful, “I’ll get back at them by describing what they did on my profile, publicly calling out this one person on it.” That leads me to believe they’re not that cool and this weird sort of passive aggressive behavior is probably not a quality I’m going to enjoy if I date them. I would not be surprised if they were a sociopath or a psychopath. Hey, maybe they’re not, but that’s the message they’re sending me. Second, if someone did make up an excuse to leave in the middle of their date, maybe they shouldn’t want to broadcast that. Maybe they deserved it, though I agree it’s not a nice thing to do. The fact that they’ve posted this on their profile leaves me thinking they most likely were that bad of a date that someone decided to escape. -But you couldn’t let it go, huh? You actually updated your profile to target that person. Finally, what if there really was a legitimate crisis this person had to tend to? Now who looks like a jerk not at all sympathizing? *shudders* And to think I’d been in a conversation with this person a year ago, though we never met! (Yes, the image above is an actual screenshot from someone’s dating website profile.)

Sexting In Public

The picture messages started after the “dick pic” conversation with my coworkers a few weeks ago. I was never one of those “look how good I look” selfie-taking girls, so sending sexy pictures to someone didn’t come naturally to me. It’s been quite a thrill sending half-nude pictures to my far-away-crush, the last few weeks, though. I definitely regret the slip up at the restaurant where I flashed my best friend one of these pictures as a kind of “look at the kind of picture *I’m* capable of taking.” Only, it was at the wrong moment when the waiter standing behind me got a glimpse of it as well. But, if I’m craving attention or an ego-boost I’ll sometimes send one over to my crush because I know he’ll reply shortly after. I even got creative when I realized he liked the clothes I wear to the office and snapped a photo as I was changing out of them one night. What else do you make of having a crush on someone who lives on the other side of the planet? I’d love to drop the idea, but my brain seems to have other plans. He’s the foreign dude I met while traveling this past January and I’m running out of imaginative ways to hold his interest and stay in touch until he visits in September.

One morning I get a nearly-nude picture from him. I reply, “Wish you were here,” while I’m getting ready for work. “What would you do if I were there?” he sends back. “You,” I reply. A moment later I think about what a cop out my answer was. I write and I can do better than that, I think. I apologize and explain that I’m getting ready for work. My mornings are his nights. I send a bit more sexually explicit message as I’m walking to the train. He replies. I’ve never done that whole sexting thing, by the way. I don’t recommend it in public, although there is a bit of a thrill to it as well. So, now I’m on the train and the conversation has continued. I interrupt, “The person standing next to me can totally read this conversation.” I try to continue, but again, after one of those “And then I would…” kind of messages, I chime in, “Now, there’s a religious man sitting next to me, praying into a book. Now this just feels weird.” He laughs a little, but it’s obvious I’ve killed the mood and we decide to pick it up another time. I just can’t take that kind of thing seriously enough.

He’s less than a friend because a friend I would see once in a while. He’s more than a friend, because a friend wouldn’t get these kinds of pictures from me. He’s not just a pen pal (is it called a “text pal” these days?) because we’ve met once and will meet once more. He’s definitely not a boyfriend because he lives thousands of miles away and is certainly doing other women. I can’t possibly care about him that much as all I really know about him is based off of a one-time meeting. He’s just an impossible crush I have. I never liked being called pet-names, but with him I actually enjoy it. There are times when I’m one of those people who aren’t looking where they’re going, with their phone in their face, shooting off messages back and forth. I’ll sit with a stupid smile on my face my entire commute to work after it. But, I know it’s an unrealistic idea. I do it because I enjoy it,  but like everything else, I know there will be a shitty point when it ends and one day I’m sure he’ll start seeing someone seriously no matter how much he insists it won’t happen any time soon. I guess it’s really just nice to have in the meantime when I have nothing else going on. Sometimes more time passes in-between our conversations. I don’t know the real reason for it, but I’m thankful he doesn’t mention any girls he sees to me. It keeps the fantasy alive and continues being fun for me this way. He also always apologizes about the time gap, so I know he hasn’t entirely lost interest yet. I’m still dating. I’m not waiting for his visit in September. I know it will just be a couple of days and he’ll be off again. But I’m kind of hoping I don’t wind up in a relationship before he arrives. It’s an interesting situation to be in. I’m both rooting for the prospective dates I meet to be this perfect match for me and simultaneously hoping nothing more than a couple of months at most comes of it until after he leaves.

There are some messages I ignore…

If you wouldn’t open with that line in person, why would you use it on the internet? Everyone comes off a bit creepier on the internet than they are in person. We don’t know who you are behind your profile. You might have someone else’s photos up. You might be twenty years older than you claim. You might be a serial killer. Okay, you might be a serial killer if we met you in real life, too –but at least we’d have a little more to use to base our impression of you off of. We’re going to use our best judgment, but that should be kept in mind when you message us. If you’re not having success getting a date with whatever topic you’re using to start a conversation in the real world, maybe you should tone it down a bit when you start that conversation on a dating site? Now, if someone’s profile reads “I have a foot fetish and I’m only on this site to find someone who shares that with me” –By all means, start off with that topic in your initial message. However, if that’s your thing and you’re sending a message to someone who doesn’t sound all that kinky, you might want to tone it down until the conversation gets a little deeper. You know, “Hi,” or “Hey,” or “Hello” are usually a good words to use to start the first sentence if you can’t be more creative than that.

You also might want to try sending these initial messages to someone who the site even remotely suggests may be a good match for you. If your looks aren’t your strongest attribute, you might want to brush up on your verbal skill set. Maybe you shouldn’t be sending the message you’d like to receive from a stranger, and rather the message you think they’d like to receive. If you don’t know what they might like to hear, take a look at what they’ve written in their profile. At least skim their damn profile if you’re not going to read it before messaging them. I know it might be a surprise, but there’s really a lot more to someone than the 3-10 pictures of themselves they’ve uploaded to their dating profile. Read your message to yourself and ask yourself how it would make you feel coming from a stranger you probably wouldn’t have any interest in. Tweak it until it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable and then give it a shot. Picture your message in a row of messages we’ve received and think about the way you’d like it to stand out. Positively or negatively? And if you’re going to disregard all of that anyway? Well, now I know why *you* wound up on a dating site…I mean, if you weren’t putting in a lot of effort in person, and you’re putting in even less online, what did you expect to find here?
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At Least Spring Has Begun Now…

Like clockwork every guy who’s ever had a crush on me comes out of the woodwork every winter. It’s usually around December or February when everyone’s depressed and sick of the snow. I’m usually rather lonely myself during this time, but not desperate enough to agree to a date with any of them. A parade of every guy I’ve ever turned down appears, lined-up to ask me out every year. I’m not even kidding, literally SIX contacted me out of the blue after a year+ of silence in a two-week period. I could even name each one. I was definitely surprised by one of them. He’d deleted me from FaceBook over a year ago when I declined his invitation to dinner. All of a sudden all these men are all, “let’s catch up,” “we should hang out,” and so on. Not once do they consider that they’d be a part of my life by now if I had any interest. Maybe I don’t let them down firmly enough. But maybe they should also catch on that it’s impossible “I’m busy” every single day they suggest a date. Maybe they should realize one makes time for those they want to see. One of them tricked me. He offered to help me out with something I’d posted about on FaceBook. I should’ve known. It’s never without expecting something in return when they’ve had a thing for me in the past. At first I accepted his help. “Really, for free, you’d just help me like that?” The moment I say “Sure,” the “So, how about we catch up this weekend? We could grab a drink or dinner…” happens and I freeze. I had been pretty sure he had a girlfriend, or I wouldn’t have accepted this offer. I’d have seen through it. I look up his FaceBook. I scroll down. “Relationship Status: Single” appears in my line of vision. “SHIT!” I exclaim, in the office. No one seems to notice. They must have broken up. All of a sudden I’ve gotta let him know, “I’m busy…every weekend…and every moment I’m not in my office as well.”

Dickless Pics

You can’t tell a guy you’ve never received a “dick pic” without that smirk appearing on his face. I went out for a drink with my coworkers the other night which turned into drinks, shots, and would-be-extremely-office-inappropriate-conversation. It wasn’t even a Friday night but it wound up being the latest we’d stayed out with each other since any of us had started at the company. This is one of those “let’s grab a happy hour drink after work” gatherings that take place a minute after 5pm, before you’ve had any time for dinner. We’re getting better and realizing we should order a pizza to our usual bar, but that thought hadn’t occurred to us yet the other night. I’m starting to like that we have a usual bar and a usual group. It’s a crappy bar. The drinks aren’t all that cheap, the glasses aren’t cleaned well, and the bathroom’s basically on the other side of the planet, but it’s growing on me. We’ve got a usual group, a usual bar, and even a usual waitress and usual booth –Isn’t that what every sitcom lover has always hoped to have?

But this night we all got a little too personal. The morning after was one at the office where not one of us could make eye contact with the other. Maybe it was the brutally honest round of “who would you do at the office?” that pushed it too far. The first drink arrived and I had my nose in my phone, fingers rapidly tapping against the screen. I threw it in my bag with a smile and announced “Sorry, it’s morning on the other side of the world.” The girls chimed in, “Well, you were talking to someone you’re into because you’re smiling.” I couldn’t deny it, but what does one make of a crush on someone you’ll likely only meet twice, briefly, in your lifetime. “Yeah but this-” I pretended to type textmessages on my phone- “is really the extent of our ‘relationship’ –I don’t even know how to react when he sends these sexy kind of pictures when he’s in bed with his shirt off and whatever. I’m over here all ‘hey uhh here I am bundled up in my winter coat.’” They giggled, “Well, you just gotta send one of those pics back!” I glance at the one guy at the table before the others arrived. He was squirming around in his seat. “We’re making him uncomfortable with our girl talk!” He laughed and took a long sip of his beer. I passed around a picture of my crush. Yeah, that’s right, I wanted them to know who *I* was capable of attracting. I actually appreciated that one girl sounded a bit surprised when she exclaimed, “wow, he’s pretty hot!” I flashed the phone at my male coworker, explaining that I didn’t want him to feel left out. He shrugged, “yep, a guy.” “Well, I was out when he sent me one picture in bed,” I continued my story, “but he asked me to send him a picture while I was at the office. So I did. I actually went in the bathroom because I didn’t want anyone to see me taking a picture of myself at my desk.” They giggled and asked if I’d taken nudes in the bathroom. I hadn’t.

The rest of the group showed up. We explained how uncomfortable we seemed to have been making our coworker when there wasn’t much testosterone around the table and they wanted to be filled in. My coworker started, “Well, if a guy sends a girl a sexy picture, how should she respond?” “Send one back!” both guys replied simultaneously. “And if they’re at work?” she continued. “Go in the bathroom” they agreed. “That’s what she did!” my coworker announced, pointing to me. Their surprised expressions were priceless as they stood up, jaw dropped open, demanding I hi-five them. I insisted I hadn’t been nude in the office bathroom, but of course they weren’t about to drop that idea. The conversation inevitably moved to the topic of dick pics, and how I never received one. “Dick pics” remained the recurring topic of the night. It circled back when a couple of the guys decided to text another coworker asking to send dick pics –from my cellphone. Luckily, I caught it before too much time passed and was able to explain the joke.

The buzz from my third glass of wine on an empty stomach was strong. Cellphone in hand, I couldn’t resist the urge to drunk-dial. I messaged my far-away-crush while the room seemed to be spinning and the chatter of dick pics hadn’t ceased. The next day he responded with a laugh. Only then had I remembered I’d messaged him before passing out in my bed. I scrolled up to reread my jumbled rant about how I’d never received a dick pic and I didn’t want one, but I did want one of him in his underwear. I thought, “aw what an innocent version of that request.” But, I’d followed it by some sort of, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” A few days passed and one morning I awoke to a new picture message. It was my far-away-crush in his underwear. Request honored! Shortly after this message I remembered my part of the deal…But, I was running late to work so I sent an “IOU” message and let it be. I’d never sent this sort of picture before with the paranoia of where it might end up, and because it had never been too difficult to arrange an in-person-meeting posed this way. If there ever was a time photos like these were appropriate, this was definitely the type of “relationship” that called for them. My mind raced- “I don’t actually have to follow through, but I kind of want to because I’ve never done that. If I’m just in my underwear it’s really not that different from a picture in my bathing suit at the beach. But it is different if I’m not at the beach. I can’t have my face or anything in my bedroom in the picture so no one will ever be able to tie it back to me. I should probably shave. What kind of underwear should I wear? What was I wearing that night I was with him? It can’t be the same or he’ll think that’s all I wear. It shouldn’t look too posed, it should look realistic, but it should look good.”

All those questions considered, I took the picture –or rather I chose the picture that came out the best- and clicked “send.” It was only minutes if not seconds, but such a simple and small action had felt like such a rush for me. I nervously awaited his reply, phone in hand. I’m now convinced guys always see your message right away, but they don’t always respond right away –unless your message is a picture of you with clothing removed. So, after this week, our messages have evolved to include occasional nearly-nude picture messages, and for the first time I’ve joined the rest of the world in becoming extremely paranoid about whose hands my cellphone falls into.

Stating The Obvious

So, here’s another weekend bitterly single and replying to messages of those I’m not interested in on dating sites…
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Persistence

There’s an option to increase your message storage on OkCupid and not have to worry about deleting old messages to send new ones. This is what it looks like when you don’t have the increased message storage and you send a message to someone who does (-And you’re extremely persistent, pay no real attention to those who you message, have no originality in your messages, are sending a message to someone who has a 0% match to you, and the person you’ve messaged isn’t planning on answering you…) Side Note: Check out the month the Christmas wishes were sent.
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Dating Website Conversation #17

The weird things guys say in their attempt to get a girls attention continue. Here’s a conversation from a couple of days ago…

Random Guy: Hey,
If you & I were together they would call us Beauty & the Beast …and when someone calls you beast I’ll beat the hell out of them!
I was just looking at your profile and I liked what I saw so I want to get to know you better. You have beautiful eyes & a gorgeous smile!
Write back to me & let me know what makes you smile.
Talk to you later
[NAME CENSORED]

Myself: um…Thanks. As my profile indicates I’m looking for someone female at this time, though. Sorry.
Random Guy: well I can wear high heels and tuck it back if you are interested lol
Good lick I mean luck with that
Myself: Good luck with your search on here.

(Waiting For Dates To Write About)

Besides having two dates for this weekend (provided they don’t cancel or stand me up) I’m feeling like things are going slow again and I’ve had less to write about. Here, have a look at some recent conversations from my dating site inbox…

Random Guy: How do they come up with this enemy percentage? I mean, does 45 percent of you hate BIG belly laughs until your cheeks are WET from happy tears?
Myself: What?. ……..
And, it’s based on the answers you give to the questions on here. I have found the match % is usually pretty accurate as the people with lower match %’s end up being those you’d have the least interest in.
[He had an extremely low match % to me]

Random Girl: interested in watching?
Myself: What?
Random Girl: me and my girl having sex…
Myself: No thanks, looking more to just date someone
Random Girl: gotcha

Dating Website Conversation #14

It can get tiring sending out messages and never receiving replies. Everyone with a dating website profile eventually gives in to some copy & paste messages. After you spend time personalizing long, well thought out messages, coming up with unique words for each you send, just to be ignored time and time again, you start writing generalized messages which can be sent to anyone again and again. Just remember to avoid looking like a fool when you send the same message to someone twice or say you’ve read someone’s profile when you haven’t. I personally like to keep my copy & paste messages sounding unique and always add at least one or two personalized lines when I give in…

Random Guy: hey how are you? my names [NAME CENSORED].
I read your profile & it seems we have a lot in common. So i figure to tell you a little bit about me…
I am an assistant teacher & i work with kids/teens who have autism. currently im studying to be a child psychologist but in the mean time to pay bills I help teach kids who have autism.
Hopefully Ill hear back from you & we can chat.
take care
Random Guy:
hey how are you? my names [NAME CENSORED].
I read your profile & it seems we have a lot in common. So i figure to tell you a little bit about me…
I am an assistant teacher & i work with kids/teens who have autism. currently im studying to be a child psychologist but in the mean time to pay bills I help teach kids who have autism.
Hopefully Ill hear back from you & we can chat.
take care
Myself: You should be more careful about copy & pasting this message to people without reading their profile. You sent me the same message a little over an hour before this one. -And if you did read my profile, you’d have noticed I said I was interested in dating girls at this time, not guys. Good luck on your search.
[No surprised, he didn’t reply again.]

Dating Website Conversation #13

So the silly messages I reply to on the dating websites when I’m not interested continue to form silly conversations…

Random Guy: I just stared at your profile for 30 minutes trying to think of what to say to get you to say “take me now, daddy” and this is the most I’ve had to work for a girl.
Myself: Girls really reply positively towards messages you send like this?
Random Guy: yes.
i’m [NAME CENSORED], and this is my cat
[LINK TO CAT PICTURE CENSORED]
what’s your name?
Myself: That’s surprising.
Guess I’m not one of those girls.
Not really interested in sharing my name either, I don’t think we’re a good match.
Random Guy: they know it’s a joke. i don’t think i’m old enough to pull off being called daddy.
i actually didn’t think we were a good match either. but i made this profile when i was looking for something else. now when i see your profile, i don’t know, things just seem to make more sense.
Myself: Well, I have a better sense of humor & I’m not interested.
Also, since you were paying such close attention to my profile, I suppose you just decided to ignore the part about how I’m interested in dating a girl at this time?
Random Guy: it’s condescending to say you have a better sense of humor. and your profile says looking for guys and girls who like bi guys.
[He probably meant to type “girls” instead of “guys” at the end.]
Myself: I said I had a better sense of humor as a way of saying I didn’t find your joke funny. My profile says “At the moment, I’m interested in dating girls, not guys.” (which is an exact copy and paste.)
Random Guy: Different =/= better
Myself: Right, but I phrased it that way to express that I wasn’t a fan of the joke…
[But seriously anyone who thinks that line from a stranger is funny and feels intrigued to hear more can’t possibly have a good sense of humor.]

Dating Website Conversation #12

I don’t think these kind of dating website conversations will ever get old…

Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hi…As I mentioned on my profile, I’m interested in dating girls right now.
Random Guy: Ok but do 3some ;-)
Myself: Not something I’m interested in, no.
Random Guy: 4some
Myself: I’m taking a break from guys and shifting my attention to one woman at a time.
Random Guy: U should try me
Random Guy: Whenever u want we can be sex partner
Myself: You’re male, you sent me an uninteresting message without reading my profile, we have a low match rating, and if I want sex I already know someone who can help me out with that. I’m not interested.
Random Guy: U don’t know me
Random Guy: And u do t know what u want
Random Guy: U should give me a chance
Myself: I don’t know you, but I can tell enough about you from your messages and profile to know there isn’t more about you I’m interested in knowing.
I do know what I want and you aren’t a part of any of it.
No thank you, I have no reason to give you a chance, except possibly pity…But I believe that you could improve yourself enough to find someone who would be suitable for you, and therefore there’s no need to pity you either.
Random Guy: Yea but I want u
Myself: This doesn’t really concern me because you don’t know me well and if you did, you would see that we were not a good match.
You just want to be with someone -not specifically me-
If you better yourself as a person a bit, fix up your profile, change the way you speak, you just might have some luck at finding someone, too.
Random Guy: Yes but it’s to boring
Random Guy: Can u help me find a gf
Myself: No, I’m trying to find one for myself and don’t really have the extra time.
Hit a bar in the meantime.
Random Guy: Haha ok Than I’m gona find for U because U r nice ı like u
Myself: Not even sure what that sentence was supposed to be, but alright. Good luck on your search.
Random Guy: I mean I’m going to find a gf for u
Myself: Okay, thanks.

So, you think he’ll end up finding me a decent girlfriend? Hilarious.

Dating Website Conversation #10

Still kind of slow on the dating front heading into this week. Mr. Perfect Profile from one dating website, never replied. I got a little frustrated (or annoyed/ disappointed/ desperate/ “other fitting words”) and sent a follow-up message after all. It’s kind of pathetic, but at that point you really have nothing to lose and if it gives you a bit of closure to call someone out on their rudeness in not replying, so be it. Not all that long ago I did an experiment where I wrote back a little survey to each person who ignored me. It was like: “You did not reply because a) You didn’t like my pictures, b) You’ve started seeing someone, c)…” and so on. Now, I knew it made me sound kind of nuts, but honestly what did it matter what it prompted those people to think of me at that point? Surprisingly I got a few replies, some honest answers, and some insight –Almost none of which was even very insulting. It was just an experiment, though. -Not something I typically do. If I did, I’d need someone to make a blog like this just to post the stuff I send out! Anyway, I just have a simple/silly conversation to share with you tonight. It’s more silly on my part than theirs, but that’s what you get when you send one-word initial messages if you get anything!…

Random Guy: Hi!
Myself: Hello
…A lot of time and planning seems to go into your initial messages, huh? A little “h”, some “i”, some capitalization to suggest intelligence of the grammatical kind –and to top it off an exclamation point for some added jazz.
…That was your thought process behind the whole message, wasn’t it?
Random Guy: I’m sure you will elicit other, more complex messages of which you are more deserving.
Take care and best wishes!
Myself: ;-)
MjAxMS1mOTYxNDU2YjUxYjdmMWQy

The “Best” Dating Website Profile?

So, I just had this thought “What if I stop getting horrible messages on these dating websites and have nothing to write about on my blog?” …Oh what a silly thought. Just 10 minutes later I log in to find the all time lowest rating match for me has messaged me. Why he would bother when we’re clearly not right for each other, I don’t know –Maybe just to give me something to write about! He knows… I’m skeptical of the legitimacy of his profile, but after a few google searches I’m starting to think this could be for real. Either way, it’s worth a laugh…

Random Guy: Pumpkin Head You Seriously Need to Tone Down the Cuteness! ;)
Here I am looking for average next door gal types with 4 kids and a hubby and I end up with a gorgeous long haired gal like you. Some things in life just aren’t fair. Ha ha ha!
Seriously I’m looking 2 things…a gal who can show me both her sassy and sweet side…while wanting to be a proper lady at work and in the streets and a wild cat when in my presence. Oops! That’s 3 things. Can you help me with any of the above? Actually I want it all Suga! Give me all you got and more…ha ha ha!
Yes both my lines were come one lines…So come on…Check out my profile…If my bad intentions arouse you…then you know what to do. If not, it’s been a pleasure meeting your profile and best of luck!
Ciao Bella!
Mr. [NAME CENSORED] ;)
Myself: Thank you for your message.
Sorry, I’m not interested.
Random Guy: Don’t be sorry I’m not. Lol
Random Guy: But hey best of luck…I won’t need any! :-P
Myself: uhh…Right.
Random Guy: Quick response huh damn ur good lol
Myself: I was logged in when I got the message.

Now I know I don’t normally post people’s profiles on here, but maybe just one more exception this time? He did send me the message after all –and with all that artificial confidence how could he mind?!…

Random Guy’s Actual Dating Website “About Me” (& My Commentary, Of Course):
I’m Into SNL..Come Have a Laugh on Me! NO I’m Not All Fun and Games..Read On! ;)
I know the exact type of woman (umm I mean Lady ;) that attracts my interests.
My Alpha Caveman (animal instincts) only gets turned up like a wild lion strutting in the jungle roaring like a wild passionate steed overlooking the meadows and seeking a woman that posses these two very rare but wanted qualities, which are equally important to me. A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun
[See, this is why my immediate reaction was “fake profile…”]
A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun (think Kelly Cuoco). It’s rare. Yes I’m willing to except flaws (I have a bevy of them). I find it very appealing to be in the presence of a gal who is comfortable being called on their B.S. and is willing to tolerate and respect the challenges I throw at her and vice versa when I’m a dodo brain. Personally, I take it as a blessing that girls can’t get one over on me because of their looks. Sad with most guys they can. LITTLE SECRET: I used to let women’s looks effect me, but I no longer think with just my big ego but with my big brain. 97% of the time I’m a solid guy and 3% of I’m a big pain-in-the-ass. Aren’t we all ;) I’m hard core when it comes to respect and not using excuses. Aren’t you? Hope so. To be honest I have to feel two things about you once I get to know you. I have to feel like I want to throw you up against the wall and make mad passionate love to you. The other side I have to feel like you can keep up with my quirky sense of humor and engage in pillow talk with me like me caveman. A woman that is comfortable being a woman in my presence will win my protection; as I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you like my favorite stuffed animal. I definitely want a looker, but I definitely DON’T just want a looker. I want the rare personality that is not average thinking, not generic, overly neurotic, overly serious or prudish (or any bit prudish for that matter) like most others…uggh. It takes a strong independent woman to just say the hell with it and go for it. Meaning the next step. Not what you thought (but yes what ya thought at the same time). I’m open, but my dukes are up. I have been hurt in the past. Haven’t you. I hope not, but you probably have been somewhere, unless you’re extremely blessed.
So, who am I looking for?
[Because he didn’t already mention this 100 times?]
A girl who just read the above and agrees with me whole-heartedly. A woman who’s not afraid to show me her two sides. The naughty and nice. FOR SOME REASON A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF MEN SEEM TO THINK WOMEN DON’T LOVE SEX (you women are smart you have them fooled) I wouldn’t have it any other way :) I especially love women who are princesses in the street and wild cats in the sheets (meaning NO GAMES….and yes her being comfortable with me having selfish intentions–ladies you have them too. lol). A woman who can be an intelligent leader at her job, get things done, but can be a lady at home is very sexy. If you’re a looker great, but I’m generally open. I’m not going to lie to you. I do go for the hour-glass figure types, athletic types and girl next door types like most guys. I’m a sucker for Adrianne Curry nerdy eccentric and little professor types. I find many of them have a fun wild side that they’re waiting for the right guy to bring out of them. Like they say, it’s always the quiet one’s you need to look out for. Ha ha ha! If you wear glasses great; they’ll come a time and place where you’ll take them off for me.
Yes I like to joke around, makes life fun in between work. Being a dating coach is tough business
[…He’s..a dating coach? Haha What?!]
(long story, and I’m single because I’m a picky bastard
[Really, I didn’t notice!]
..
as I would hope you are too. lol). I also have a life style management business and I run a sports memorabilia shop on the side.
My attitude towards people and the world is. Whatever happens happens. Let the chips fall where they may. This way of thinking is much healthier. Who knows? I may even be taking home my new best friend, which could be you. No high pressure boring dinner, coffee or movie dates. I’ll have you talking and thinking about things you haven’t thought about in years. Whatever it is..trust me, it’ll be fun and definitely interesting. Ok, random time (as if it hasn’t been) Quick note on my family life. Love pops/mom, although they drive me nuts sometimes. Asking and telling the same questions and stories over and over again..grrr GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY IN MARCH, I LEAVE THIS ON HERE IN HER HONOR. I just didn’t have the heart to take it out. Kinda keeps her alive to me somehow. About grandma love her to pieces, except when she’s cranky(you have no idea) :( she’s 90. I go there once a week to help her. I sweep, mop, laundry, food shop.)
[You have something written on your dating website profile to honor your grandmother? Is that really appropriate? This is the best place/way to do that sort of thing? Who was this woman?!]
Next subject. Huge animal lover. No I don’t have any pets. If you don’t like animals it’s best we part now. People who don’t like animals scare me. PASSIONS: Seduction, Intimacy, the Female Brain/the Male Brain, Self-Development, Spicy Food, Comedy, Social Dynamics (human communications).. Psychology, Human Behavior etc. I’m studying Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. So I’ll be your Superman and protect us from the bad guys not you my little Wonder Woman.
[Yes, this is pretty much the only place he actually mentions anything about himself.]
First Date (I Don’t Actually Do 1st Dates….lol)…I don’t put limits on 1st dates…I would hope you wouldn’t either.
Oh did I forget to say what exactly I’m attracted to?
[No, you just wrote an entire essay about it!]
I know I’m very vague in the presence of beauty. Stop it right now! You’re so distracting me. Let’s see. Relatively tall (5’3″ to 5’11”) Sexy very curvy voluptuous women size 4-14 yes it’s a broad range but if you’re fit and firm..hips..J.Lo booty that says “Hello Fella” and winks I’m a gonna be smiling. Also slim women I find attractive too, as long as they are petite but too petite (more than 108 pounds). [He did NOT just give exact height and weight requirements for a woman, did he?]
I also go for young chicks with athletic builds and I also like sexy cougars with attractive lifestyles. By the way..shhhh..I do have a soft mushy side.. beep beep.. I don’t show this mushy side right away. I have my Bitch (Bastard) Shield up. Don’t most of us? :)
What I would love to do upon meeting you, twirl you around gracefully like a little ballerina and have you fall into my arms looking passionately into my eyes..If I catch you of course. lol…laughing and giggling like a little girl because you feel so safe and secure within seconds of meeting me (shut up.. yes I like the corny romantic stuff sometimes).
[Are you saying “what the fuck?” as much as I am at this point?…]
I hate having to put this in here but I’m doing it to screen out women who have nothing but pretty looks to offer but no depth. Warning I’m a game playing hound for women who play “Head Games” Gals who like to just collect guys in case the ex or new guy doesn’t work out need not apply. READ THIS: Playing Hard to Get…Will make me want you LESS and other gals MORE. If you’re attractive think how many guys chase you. Did you forget it goes the other way? ;P I guess you can say I’m one of those guys that “GETS IT” “THE GAME” What I’m saying with all this tough talk?? lol.
Bonus points to those who truly get this next point: Life, human connection and true presence is way more than GAME..The only game or actually games I play are who can be the most REAL and who can give off the best energy. The BEST Game is NO GAME at all. THE END!
Looking for: short-term dating, activity partners, casual sex

What was that- 5% of his profile was about him? The other 95% was a very drawn out description of who his perfect woman is. It’s as if he believes she’s out there, going to read his profile and message him like, “Hey, that’s me! Doesn’t matter who you are!” -And if only I posted his pictures…He’s got one of him and some woman with the caption, “My lips look juicier.” I’d also post the answers he gave to some questions, but I think you could guess them based off of his “About Me.” I really hope this turns out to be a fake profile. Or maybe I hope he’s real…because I’ll always know whoever I eventually end up with could never have been as awful as this dude.

(It's not just you, kitty.)

(It’s not just you, kitty.)

More Dating Website Conversation Fails

Well, this is the last of what I could find skimming through the old messages in my dating website inboxes…Besides a few old conversations saved in some word documents, this will probably be the last post of my old conversations. After this I guess it’ll be newly exchanged words, and my opinions and experiences in the world of dating…

Random Guy: hey :)
[5 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: do you like little boys or something?
[…What?!]

Random Guy: Hi! Where in [CITY CENSORED] do you live?
Myself: A [NEIGHBORHOOD DESCRIPTION CENSORED] area
Random Guy: Ok, I think I know where that is. I’d love to meet and chat.
[In my city there are at least 4 well known neighborhoods fitting my description. 30 minutes later…]
Random Guy: I’m also a bad, non kosher, pork eating Jew.
[An hour later…]
Random Guy: Don’t worry, I’m circumcised
[And this is where I officially stop replying.]

Random Guy: I will keep it short and simple. I read your profile. Pretty Interesting. I think you are creative and attractive. By the way, you look great. I have a question for you??
Myself: Thanks, but I’ve yet to find I have any interest in someone with under a 70 or 80% match rating with me on this site.
[After reading up on this site’s algorithms and skimming through profiles over the last few years, I’ve found that I never have interest in someone with a 20-40% match rating. This person was in that range. It’s designed to work accurately enough. Of course you might like someone with a 72% match over someone with a 95% match in real life –But there’s still a huge difference between someone with a 20% match and an 80% match to you.]
Random Guy: Haha. Don’t trust this site to match you. This is cheap site created by few horny guys. That’s the fact.
Myself: Have you read about the math behind the matching? Have you read the articles they posted about what the % means? And that is not a fact because I actually know two people working for the site and that is false about both of them. I don’t think “Oh this person is such a good match for me because of their %” -I’m not an idiot. However, I have YET to find someone I’m even SLIGHTLY interest in who doesn’t have a % over 70. This is because the way people on the site answer their questions generates that %…Well, I’m not going to go into it too much, you can just read about it as I did if you’re interested.
Random Guy: This is all bull. It’s easy to fool regular people like you. Have smart life in future.
Myself: Yes, I’ve been completely fooled by your poor English I was so attracted to. Good luck finding a fuck buddy on here. Good news for you is that people with a close match % to yours will probably be into you as well. Good luck =)
[The “fuck buddy” part was referring to something from his profile…And the fact that he believed it was just “horny guys” controlling the site.]

Approached By More Strangers (Part 2)

I mentioned that yesterday I was approached by two guys while waiting for a date. Here’s the rest of the story…

After a little more waiting I noticed the first guy was still around the area. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to my date to exchange numbers with someone else, but what if this date didn’t work out? What if I didn’t see him again after that night? What if I’d like this other guy more? Okay, so he was attractive and maybe looked a little more adventurous and fun than my date seemed to be. Maybe it was the pretty blue eyes, the tattoos, and skateboard that called to the inner teen in me. And maybe I’ve been on a more adventurous and fun streak than the settle down with the right kind of guy route this last month or so. I’ve been starting to realize I’m no longer quite in the mood to find the completely “right” guy. I write here about the wrong ones and my disappointment in serious dating, but maybe I don’t exactly want something so serious anymore? I was all set to settle down when my last real relationship ended, and although that was disappointing, maybe it’s not what I want with my next relationship. The “right” guy can be fun, and a fun guy isn’t necessarily the “wrong” guy, but there’s a different tone in a relationship when you’re with someone just because it’s fun. The last guy I dated wasn’t right for me. We both knew that. But maybe I didn’t want it to end, not because I’d be single and have to search for a new date –But because it was fun? Maybe I do just want to be with someone fun right now. –So, I walked back over to the first guy…

Myself: So, who are you waiting for?
Random Guy1: No one.
Myself: Well, why don’t you give me your number in case this date doesn’t work out. It’s only a second date anyway.
Random Guy1: Sure. [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: [I saved the number in my phone.]
Random Guy1: I’m [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
Myself: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Random Guy1: I used to work for them! [He pointed to the brand name on my shoes.]
Myself: Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to go wait over there.
Random Guy1: Are you sure he’s coming?
Myself: Yes, I think he is.
Random Guy1: Alright, well if he doesn’t, call me.
Myself: Okay.

I went on my date with intellectual-conversation-guy and the I-want-to-date-this-guy vibe just wasn’t there. We wrapped it up early, I chipped in for dinner and headed home. I don’t have anything negative to report other than I wasn’t excited about the prospect of him in my love life. I’m also not positive, but I think the guy I’d exchanged numbers with was in the same restaurant as us, eating alone. It was a little creepy because I wasn’t sure if he’d followed me, it was a coincidence, or it wasn’t him at all. I texted the random guy from earlier after my date, anyway. Turns out I have a few more years on him than I’d assumed/hoped. I guess that’s what stirred my inner-teenage-drive? Not sure it’s a great idea to pursue a guy who may be legal, but who can’t legally buy you a drink. …Or maybe this is just where I get some early practice at being a cougar in the future? That’s the problem with looking younger than you are –Guys either assume you’re 14 and ignore you, or else 14 is actually a lot closer to their age than yours. I can’t wait until this is the good thing they’ve been telling me about once I hit 30 or 40.

Dating Website Conversations That Went Nowhere

I went through some more messages in my dating website inbox. Here are some bad conversations which went nowhere on one site. Most of these are from a year ago or more…

Random Guy: mmmm
Myself: Yeah, you put a lot of thought into that message, I really want to reply.
Random Guy: You totally did reply, though.
: (
Myself: Yes, I replied with sarcasm.

Random Guy: I beleive in santa claus?
Myself: Fake profile as it’s hardly filled out, or attempt at being unique and hoping for a reply…
Random Guy: who has time 4 this
[Obviously not the guy who doesn’t have the time to spell out “for”…]

Random Guy: I’m wondering if you’d like to hang out with me this week.
Myself: I think it’ll take me a while to meet someone in person from here.
Random Guy: “My Turn Off’s: Not being open minded, ” [This is something he copy and pasted from my old profile.]
Myself: I don’t see how the two are related. One is a safety/comfort issue.

Random Guy: hi. you are way out of my league but maybe we can be besties? im great at errands and, um, all of that. wait nevermind how embarassingg. haha sorry! you rule! can i just paypal you for no reason?! eek
[I told him I wasn’t over someone, which was true at the time…It’s nicer than adding the part about how strange the message is.]

And then there was the time I gave a real answer to a guy I wasn’t interested in…

Random Guy: Why is it so hard to meet someone it feels right to be with.
Myself: Everyone is very different in many different ways. It’s rare to find someone who’s weaknesses pair well with your strengths (and vice versa), who has things in common with you enough to generally be on the same page with you in most situations, and who’s faults you can stand because of enough positivity in the rest of their personality traits. People have different priorities in relationships and you have to find someone who is strong enough in the categories most important to you, and what they lack only shows up in areas that don’t matter so much to you.
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Unanswered Dating Website Messages

I’ve been going through the old messages in my inbox and I came across a few I never replied to from a couple of years ago…

Random Guy: peek aboo I see you
[…If that’s not creepy as a first message on an online dating website, I don’t know what is.]

Random Guy: I’m awesome. You’re awesome. Let’s make awesome babies… woah woah hold on young lady. Let’s take it slow and get to know each other first. Me + you + frisbee + banana split, let’s do it
[…What?]

Random Guy: I found your profile interesting. I am not sure why; perhaps because it is well-written, and because you seem to have such a clear idea of who you are and what you want.
I don’t know if you’re still seeing someone, but I am, so I’m not looking for a date. Just a little conversation, and maybe a friend.
Anyway, our tastes do differ on many things, but I got a sense that we share something more essential in common, and might get along. And, of course, conversation is more interesting when you disagree now and then….
I love cats; my girlfriend and I have two, and we talk about them all the time.
[…We have nothing in common and you have a girlfriend, but you’re messaging me when my profile indicates I’m looking for someone to date.]

Random Guy: You are ridiculous.
[…Okay?]

Random Guy: re you having a fun night? I’m pretty new to this have you been on here for long? I definitely noticed a few freaks so I’m going to like this!
Anyway I liked your profile and if you like mine then message me back. If you didn’t like mine let me know what to change so at least I can get it perfect!
[…Because that’s what I want, someone who will design their profile to be what I’d like to hear and nothing like them.]

Random Guy: Hi !
I took the time to read your profile. Nice job…lol..Took me 3 years to read it :P. And I can understand some people may think you are picky or t2 specific but I think you just know what you want and that is rare nowadays.Let’s hang out. I think we could be great friends.We have many things in common.
[NAME CENSORED]
[NAME CENSORED]
[NAME CENSORED]
[10 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: I can tell you that the type of guy you look for.Is using a website like this :). And I am not talking about my self. Well……Maybe……Only a little bit… JA ! I mean if not, how would you expect to find it here O.o ? just being a bit Philosophical. :P
[NAME CENSORED]
[The next day…]
Random Guy: So you don’t wanna say hi ??
[A week later…]
Random Guy: [MY USERNAME CENSORED] indeed.
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Dating Website Conversation #9

Skimming through old messages I found this conversation from a couple of years ago. I’m really surprised I even responded!…

Random Guy: Okay, so listen, I’ve gotta ask — are you really as ticklish as you look?
Myself: I am not ticklish at all. I was as a kid, but then it went away for some reason.
Random Guy: can’t be. you must still have some spots. fess up
Myself: Nope, none.
Random Guy: you’re too cute to be completely non-ticklish… sorry, i still just don’t buy it. here’s the $64,000 question — does being tickled make you feel submissive?
Myself: It really doesn’t do anything to me.
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.

Asked Out & Rejected By The Same Stranger

Today I was out in public meeting up with an old friend. I pulled out my phone to locate him when a stranger, probably around my age range, and generally attractive (though, not my type) approached me…

Random Guy: “Did you know it’s illegal to text in [OUR LOCATION CENSORED]?”
Myself: “Well, I’m not texting. I’m about to call my friend because I’m meeting him here and I don’t see him.”
Random Guy: “Oh, well wait don’t call yet, I have to ask you something!”
[I call my friend and locate him about 10 seconds later. He awkwardly stands and waits while I finish the conversation with the stranger. He’s the type of friend that would be cool with this. Why the random guy didn’t feel uncomfortable by my friend’s presence is a mystery to me. He did introduce himself to my friend, at least…]
Random Guy: “If a guy came up to you and told you that he thought you were really pretty, what would you say?”
Myself: “I would say ‘thank you’ –I think that’s something most people would go with.”
Random Guy: “Yeah, that is a good answer. You know what a better answer would be? ‘Wow, that compliment meant so much to me and I found it so incredibly touching that I really owe you and I want to go out on a date with you.’”
Myself: “Do you get that answer often? Is that what girls tell you?”
Random Guy: “Well, I used to go up to them and ask if they would kiss me.”
Myself: “Yeah, most of them probably wouldn’t go for that. You’d need to find the right type who would.”
Random Guy: “A couple of them would kiss me. Most of the time it didn’t work out well. So, how about we exchange numbers?”
Myself: “But I don’t know you!”
Random Guy: “Yeah but how else will we get to know each other? We could go out and talk and get to know each other.”
Myself: “Um, well wouldn’t I just be one of like hundreds of people you’ve done this with? I’d go out with you, but you’d be going out with lots of other girls who agreed to this too?”
Random Guy: “I don’t know, but you should let me put my number in your phone.”
[Nights of loneliness ran through my mind and I had a brief moment of “aw, what the hell…”]
Myself: “Alright, what’s your number?”
Random Guy: “That’s a huge case on your phone.”
Myself: “No, it has a keyboard attached.”
Random Guy: “Oh. Okay, but you have to actually text me, though –This isn’t high school.”
Myself: “Okay, fine! I’ll text you, the random guy in my phone. -But right now I’m going to spend some time with my friend.”
Random Guy: “Nah, you know what. I can’t. I don’t date 14 year olds.”
Myself: “I’m [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED]!”
[He walked away in the middle of my revealing my age –which is in my 20’s. I shrugged it off and grabbed some dinner with my friend.]

Tonight I also met/had my first date with intellectual-conversation-guy. His profile and messages actually gave a pretty good representation of himself! If my posts here start lacking quality, you know why.
PS- It made me a little nervous to see my page views jump from 300 to over 2,500 overnight but I’m glad you’re all enjoying this and I hope to keep it up for you =)

Dating Website Inbox

I don’t have a great post for you today because I’ve actually been enjoying most of my recent social interactions again, but I’ll still leave you with something. Oh, and apparently people only like to read blogs with pictures, so I’m going back through my posts and adding pictures to some of them for you.

I love how original some of the messages I get on these dating sites are…
Message From [FIRST NAME CENSORED]115: Hi my name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Really? I’d have never guessed that from your username.]

Let’s continue scrolling through my inbox of unanswered messages from this past week…
Random Guy 1: Gi
Random Guy 1: Hi
[Seriously? Who makes a typo in a two-letter-word message to someone they’ve never sent an e-mail to before?]
Random Guy 2: Hi how are you tonight?
Random Guy 3: hi!!!
[Because the exclamation points make it original, right?]
Random Guy 4: Hey what’s going on??
[May I remind you these messages are (the first) e-mails in an inbox on a dating site. NOT from the use of a chat program on the dating site.]
Random Guy 5: Heyyy!! How are you doing? :)
Random Guy 6: Hello
Random Guy 7: Hello. My name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
Random Guy 8: Hey how are you? You seem fun so I wanted to say hello! Got anything good planned for your weekend? –[FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Hey, look at you adding a second question…]
Random Guy 9: Hey
Random Guy 10: Heyy I just bumped into your profile and found it pretty interesting. . do you mind chatting?
[Yes, I mind. That’s why you didn’t get a reply. See, you didn’t even need to ask the question to find out the answer!]
Random Guy 11: Hey how are you doing tonight ?
Random Guy 12: Hey how are you ..? I would definitely like to get to know you better ..so get back to me :-)
Random Guy 13: Hey
[That last one came in as I was posting this…]

I should point out that I didn’t post four messages which either said some version of “you’re sexy” or a short description of themselves which could also be found on their profile. But that is 4 out of 14 nearly identical messages…
So, if you’re a guy actually hoping for a reply to your initial message to a girl on a dating site, keep in mind that this is probably what her inbox looks like already and try to come up with something a little more interesting.

Dating Website Conversation #8

I’ve got another great example of why I’m tired of dating…The intellectual-conversation-guy hasn’t replied in days and if that wasn’t disappointing enough, my inbox’s recent messages have been replaced with the following conversation from someone else…

Random Guy: hello how are you beautiful
Myself: I’m alright, thanks.
I don’t think we would be a good match, though.
Good luck on your search here.
Random Guy: Oh thank u don’t break my heart now lol
Random Guy: You look amazing Poole are exiting when they saw you …with that elegant body well we can be friends if you Like it
Myself: No, thank you.
The way you write is really unattractive.
Random Guy: Ok I’m sorry I have to be ones with you I have some family problems and was on bad mood that’s why I talk with you unattractive
Random Guy: :(
Myself: It’s the grammar that bothers me.
Random Guy: I’m sorry but do not have a lot of years here
Random Guy: Well you probably born here but I came here lol
Myself: That’s understandable, but being on a dating site (which requires you to write messages) might not be the best place for you to meet people then.
Random Guy: Ok can just call me if you can or text my Internet it is very slow [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: um, no thank you. I’m not interested. Like I already mentioned, I don’t think we’re a good match. I just think it’s rude to ignore people, even on here, so I was just letting you know. You’re not the type of guy I want to date.
Good luck, though.
Random Guy: Ok lol bey
Random Guy: Ok thank you

Oh man, I should call him, record it, and take these posts to a whole new level! (Not quite there, yet…)
And seriously, who’s on 56k in this day and age anyway that they can’t even click “Send” on  online dating site message?
I wonder if some girls are as persistent when turned down as some of these guys are…
—Great news mid-posting (bad news for substance in my posts here)— Intellectual-conversation-guy has just replied after a long awaited 4 days!

(Or let's just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking...)

(Or let’s just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking…)

Crab Guy

I’m sorry I took a few days off from making posts here. I was busy meeting new people in real life and also having an actual intellectual conversation with someone on a dating site for a change. I’ve been pretty distracted. Hopefully this recent dating site dude will provide quite a story if we meet or I’m going to be out of material on here for a while!

I should clarify that this other guy I’m about to quote is actually pretty cool. I met him a couple of days ago in a completely random situation and if his friends ever decide to utilize my contact information I’ll be in touch with them again…

Random Guy: *holds out plastic crab figurine* “Do you want my crab?”
Myself: “I’m not sure the best pick up line you should be using on girls is asking if they want your crabs.”
Random Guy: “I know, I’m really not very good with lines. That sounded pretty bad. This one time a girl on [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED] said she needed a place to stay while her apartment was being fumigated and I said that she could stay at my place even though we hadn’t met before.”
Myself: “That’s not a line…”
Random Guy: “I know, that’s what I mean. I’m really bad with lines.”

Dating Website Conversation #6

Well, it was getting late tonight and I was starting to think I wouldn’t have anything at all for this today. I reactivated one of my old dating site profiles a little earlier, because you know, you never know. Though, I definitely feel like this one is one of the crummier sites. We’ll see! Anyway, it’s not much but at least I got something. It’s mostly just me being silly again towards yet another guy I have no interest in, though. Sometimes I think it comes off as a little more mean than completely honest…

Random Guy: Hi beautiful forever are u doing i see u online can we chat if u don’t mind
Myself: Nah, it’s possible you find me attractive at this moment, but it’s pretty unlikely I would be beautiful forever. Most likely as I age, as all humans do, I will become more and more unattractive. I will gain wrinkles, lose hair, get all saggy and whatever. Of course, one can remain beautiful on the inside -though it seemed like you were making the comment directed at physical attractiveness as you attached some pictures of yourself to this message. Thank you for your compliment, however I’m going to decline the invite to chat with you. I do mind because I’m not interested and I don’t want to. Have a great night and good luck on this site!

Dating Website Conversation #5

Here’s a very short correspondence I had with someone on a dating website nearly one year ago that I was never sure about how to react to…

Random Guy: Well hello… this may sound a bit silly but I love your nose :)
Myself: That’s a pretty odd line.
Random Guy: It’s true however :)
Sorry, [USERNAME CENSORED] no longer has an account.

Dating Website Questions #1

Does anyone else ever hear The Beatles – Eleanor Rigby playing in their head as they scroll through the pictures/profiles on dating websites?
I just noticed this great ad on the homepage of my blog. It says “Make this blog tiredofdating.me for just $25.00 per year.” Shouldn’t that be the name of someone else’s anti-this-blog’s blog? Anyone else see that, or is it just me?

I’ve only got a small post for today so far and it was probably just due to a misread question…

Question On Dating Website: Are some sex acts with consenting adults inherently wrong or immoral? Assume no unusual risk of injury.
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes.
Random Guy’s Explanation: Like, with animals, or children or something?

…Because, you know animals and children are consenting adults too.

Date With Clingy Guy

A few months ago I started chatting with guy from an online dating site, who would soon be moving to my area. In fact, he was moving into a building just a couple of blocks away from where I live. We met the day after he moved in. We took a walk and I showed him around the neighborhood. -But let me explain what happened about 5 minutes before that. I went with my “your life is not being threatened” vibe and went up to his apartment with him. I was still in my “this is really uncomfortable” phase. We’d only met about 10 minutes earlier. We sat on his couch and talked for about 20 or 30 minutes. He asked me if I wanted to move closer to him. I replied with “I’m good here.” A few minutes later he moved closer to me anyway. I stood up and suggested we go for a walk. As I stood by his front door he hugged me and gave me the obvious “I’m about to kiss you” look. I did the only thing that came naturally to me to do, and that was to clearly express exactly how I felt. I spit out a robotic, “I’m very uncomfortable right now.” He let go. I blurted out that I wasn’t over my ex. He said he didn’t know that. On our walk he asked a lot of questions about my commute to work, how long it took me to get there and address of my job. I did my best not to revel a lot of this. After an hour of walking with him I said I was going to head home. He asked if I would see him the next day. I declined. Before I knew how clingy he was, I was considering a friendship and nothing more. Then the following text message conversations occurred…

Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Do you think you’ll feel up to hanging out tonight?
Clingy Guy: There’s a movie I want to see Olympus Has Fallen. Interested?
Myself: Nah, I’m def. going to bed when I get home.
Clingy Guy: Room for one more?
Myself: Haha no, there are already 2 more, my cats.
Clingy Guy: I want to meet them one day!
Clingy Guy: Do you watch The Walking Dead?
Myself: I don’t
Clingy Guy: Oh it’s really good. I taped it last night and I can’t wait to watch it when I get home.
Myself: Not my taste in shows.
Clingy Guy: I could get into Star Trek. I like sci fi.
(Note: I had mentioned I watched an episode of Star Trek the day before. Apparently he thought he’d start watching whatever I watched so we could watch it together. He then continued to text me about his day.)

An Hour Later
Clingy Guy:
I can’t tell if you want to see me again or not
Myself: Dating? No. Friends? Sure! If that’s alright for you.
Clingy Guy: I know you’re not over your ex… Do you think you might be open to dating later on?
Clingy Guy: However long it takes for you to be ready.
Myself: That’s really not something I can predict. If I’m eventually able to have feelings for another person I didn’t get any vibes in that direction towards you.
Clingy Guy: I’d be quite happy to have you as a friend.
(Note: He then continued to question and criticize my previous relationship. I was of course uneasy about him answering about his comfort in a friendship alone after I’d expressed my lack of a romantic interest.)
Clingy Guy: My mom is an amazing cook and she just brought me a pot of homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs. More than one person can eat alone. What should I do???
Myself: Refrigerate the rest and bring it for lunch tomorrow.
Clingy Guy: You’re missing out lol
(Note: I believe we were up to him asking to see me after I declined 5 times in the same day.)

2nd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Want to hang out this evening or tomorrow?
Myself: Can’t. Tonight I’m going to a stand up comedy show. Tomorrow I’m going to the mall with a friend.
(Note: He then continued to ask details about my plans. At this point he was checking my dating website profile multiple times a day.)

3rd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Clingy Guy: I’ve been single since November too
Clingy Guy: Don’t you get lonely?
Clingy Guy: I miss having someone just to cuddle with and kiss. Isn’t that important to you too?
Myself: I can’t ignore people well, though it’s a method many use when they’re not interested in someone. Instead, I’m very honest. You seem to check in a lot/keep asking to see me and it comes off as kind of pushy/much. Also, I would be okay with being your friend if I felt like you weren’t just hoping for more to come of it, but it’s making me uncomfortable. I haven’t lied about being busy or my phone dying, but I am thinking we shouldn’t hang out again so soon. I find it a little weird you’re on my [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED] profile 2-3 times a day also. I hope you’re not the stalker-type as you live in my area, though I hadn’t gotten that feeling from meeting you –although you did ask a lot of specifics of when I went to work/how. If I met you randomly some place, we could be friends, but you don’t seem to be leaning that way. I don’t get the dating/cuddly/crush/etc. kind of feeling towards you at all. It’s not headed in that direction for me. If I am kissing or cuddling with anyone it would happen very, very slowly with someone who’s style isn’t rushing as yours seems to be. It might even take me a couple of years. Good luck on your dating search. Message some girls on [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED], you might have some luck. I’m sorry if I mislead you.
Clingy Guy: I can’t wait years. I need intimacy in my life.
Myself: We differ.
Clingy Guy: I understand and respect your decision.
(Note: He continued to give advice about my last relationship.)
Clingy Guy: I suppose any attempt of mine to change your mind would be disregarded as I have vested interest.
Clingy Guy: So whatever you choose to do, best of luck
Myself: Thanks.
Clingy Guy: And don’t worry I’m not going to stalk you lol

It’s a little creepy that he actually needed to tell me that last text. It’s been about three months and he messaged me on the dating website again the other night…

Clingy Guy: I see you’re still on here — I still haven’t found anyone special either. Want to hang out some time and maybe give it another shot?
Myself: Dating someone I met through here for three months
Clingy Guy: Oh congrats

I did leave out the part about how the guy I’d been dating and I stopped seeing each other three days before I received his message, but I’m starting to learn that some people just might need some small lies and half truths sometimes.
relationship-dating-online-offline-thinking-of-you-ecards-someecards

Old Dating Website Excerpts

One dating site I was on a couple of years ago deletes your conversations after x amount of days. Luckily I saved some of the “best” in a word document on my computer which I just came across…

Random Guy:
also u vl enjoy it
i can satisfy u
and i vl keep it secret
wanna have sex with me
v both can enjoy
be straight
cant v be a food friend
hope we vl meet nd go for a date,,, v can make it if u agree,,,
wat do u say ??????????????
i like u
dont u
wanna be ur friend
reply me bebe

Actual Dating Website Profile Of Random Guy:
i am wat i m
b careful coz am careless
ma hobbies is to play billiards,,,, i simply love it ,,,,,
ma goal is to become a sucessful business man,,,and trying o lot and working on it,,,,
as i told that i’m wat i’m
usually many of themm think that i’m stuborn but i’m not,,,,
i have my own rules and i vl never break it””
that is wat makes me unique,,,,
the music which makes me happy according to the situation is my kind of music…..
Actual “First Date” Of Random Guy’s Dating Website Profile:
ma kind of date simple
30 min of talk with a coffe
30 min of drive
10 min kiss
thats wat said to be a first date according to me

It’s Not Just The Guys…

I don’t typically come across many girls profiles on dating sites because I’m straight, but every now and then I’ll do a search to see who I’m being compared to. Every once in a while it leaves me wondering if the good guys out there are really being swept up by some of these girls. Now, I know that someone could just as easily poke fun at my profile, but I do think I put up a little more of a challenge than some of these girls. Again, I’m really not trying to use this blog just to expose others and make fun of them, but I think if it falls into the mix every now and then, they were kind of asking for it? Please let me know if you find the excerpts from this girls profile attractive and intrigue you into setting up a date with her based on it…

Actual “About Me” On A Random Girl’s Dating Website Profile:
I guess i should let it be known straight off the bat…i have a son who will always be my first, i cant stand clingy people and i am grossed out by tongue kissing…
love: hiking, the beach, road tripping, drawing, dancing, reading, science, children and animal rights(altho i enjoy a nice bloody steak), gymin, tannin
i get a lot of messages on here from people i wont repond to so in an effort to not waste anyones time i am not into: indians, blacks, anyone under 6′ tall

Cat Lady, Meet Cat Dude

Normally I wouldn’t post something from someone’s profile unless they sent me a message first as it feels a bit too much like trolling the internet just to make fun of people…But if I happen to be searching for a dating match and find something I feel is post worthy, I suppose it couldn’t hurt to share every now and then. To preface this post, some do describe me as a “cat lady” or borderline one, so I guess it kinda makes it “okay” if I joke about someone in the same way. However, I would never write this many details about my pets on a profile about myself on a dating website…

Actual “About Me” On Random Guy’s Dating Website Profile:
I love animals; I currently have three (fourth passed away… RIP [NAME CENSORED] 7/1/11) cats (two which were strays rescued by me), didn’t plan on three, but you just can’t resist those fuzzballs once they’ve been in your life for a bit (now back to four cats, with my recent rescue/adoption of a female tortoiseshell kitten on the 18th of November ’11). Oh and if you’re wondering why I don’t have photos up of them, they were flagged… as my face wasn’t visible in them (but click [WEBSITE CENSORED] for my facebook album). It may seem…. odd, to some, but I tend to keep a can of wet food in my jacket pocket, in case I see a stray cat. =^,^= (case in point……and now that little black stray is home with me….so make that five cats).

I love how it seems that the amount of cats he has increases as he’s writing that very paragraph.

cat-lady-dating-cats-pet-owner-pets-ecards-someecards

Dating Website Conversation #4

I know a lot of people are attracted to confidence, but I’ve always generally been one drawn to those who lack most of it. Though I may not be part of the majority on that, I still think it’s a little over the top to claim you’re the one for someone who you’ve never even met before. I mean really, to declare that you’re the one someone has been waiting for –someone who they couldn’t do without- before even speaking to them, is just too much.

Random Guy: I can be so good to you that you will wonder why you have done without me for so long. So lets talk.
Myself: No, thanks…I hate cockiness. Huge turn off for me. Good luck on here, a girl you’d be more interested in would probably like your approach.
Random Guy: Cockiness…confidence. …persistence. ..pride……whatever you want to call it
Myself: Yes, all of those things, I’m just not a fan. Just me, personally =)
Random Guy: you are absurd
Myself: Nah, I just have a high respect for those who are more humble/modest in that sense. I find it more attractive when someone is more sensitive in that way.
facebook-online-photos-shirtless-encouragement-ecards-someecards

Dating Website Conversation #3

Here’s a conversation from a couple of weeks ago…

Random Guy: id own you
Myself: Creepy.
Random Guy: Your creepy? I though you were cute
Myself: Your message is very creepy.

The Dating Website Profile That Started This Blog

Honestly, what really sparked the idea for this blog was someone’s dating website profile I came across a couple of days ago. I received the message, “hey what’s up” from a random guy and I replied after I proceeded to read his profile. The page contained a long winded paragraph beginning with “I’m divorced. (Well, technically still married, but I haven’t spoken to her in over a year so it shouldn’t bother you.)” –And continuing with a detailed record of when and how they were married and that it was only because he found it to be beneficial on paper. He stated the marriage was purely for her to gain citizenship. He goes on to say that he doesn’t have any children and his wife is living in another country so none of his marriage should be a problem to anyone. The paragraph ends with “I probably won’t get divorced until I meet someone new.” The next section of his profile mentions that he used to sell pot, followed by a section in which he claims he has unpaid parking tickets. It sounded more like some sort bait for the government to find than anything else. Confused as to why someone would have this on their dating profile, I replied expressing my amusement. This continued for quite a few messages. I will only post a few excerpts from it as it’s incredibly long. I’d love to quote his exact profile, but he deleted all I’d mentioned during our conversation. Apparently he agreed with my opinion, but not enough to admit it. His profile really spoke for itself and I wish I’d have saved a copy for this!

Also, note that I didn’t call him any names or insult him as a person. I apologized for hurting his feelings multiple times, and ignored the names he called me –and he called me quite a few. I even ignored when he insulted my appearance by saying he should have checked my profile picture before messaging me (though, it’s impossible to send someone a message without first viewing their profile picture…) -Yet he still concluded that I had been a negative force. He even said that his marriage wasn’t any of my business, though he’d publicly written all about it on his page and messaged me. I think this was the profile in which I felt, “Now I’ve heard it all” about. It contained nearly every “no-no” in the book for your dating website profile and I just thought “And these are the types of people I have to weed through on here. I bet a lot of people would share my opinion on this…”

Random Guy: the way you sound-bited my marriage history really makes it sound bad.
Myself: I copy and pasted what you wrote on your page.
Random Guy: being an ex-weed dealer isn’t illegal nor is being married on paper
i feel stupid having to explain this, but you were pretty off.
Random Guy: I married my girlfriens so she could come to the US. There are legal proceedings for that. Plus its none of your biz. I can’t get arrested for selling pot 10 years ago. Congrats on being a negative force in the universe today. You’ve done well.
hope-mind-unsolicited-critique-flirting-ecard-someecards

Dating Website Conversation #2

This conversation ended a lot faster than that other one. What a relief! This is how this type of message should always be treated. Short, to the point, polite. When weeding through people on a dating site, one shouldn’t spend too much time on those they’re not interested in. But, you know in-between my better things I can be doing this is how I amuse myself.

Random Guy: ho princess how are you doing?it’s a beautiful day!!!
Myself: I’m sorry, you have been mistaken. I do not come from any royalty, nor do I prostitute myself. I’m alright. Enjoy your beautiful day. I’m not interested in dating you, but thank you for expressing interest in some sort of way.
Random Guy: :))))

Dating Website Conversation #1

Today I made note of how rude it feels when someone ignores your message on a dating website, so I’ve decided that I will do my best to respond to every message I receive, even when I am not interested. Please note that in this conversation I only started to sound condescending/pretentious when I was frustrated they continued to speak in such an ignorant way after I’d politely expressed my disinterest. I really don’t normally sound so annoying. Expect a bunch of posts to be like the following conversation I just had:

Random Guy: hi baby
Myself: Sorry, you have been mistaken –I’m actually a fully grown adult. Good luck in your search for someone on here. I’m not interested. Have a good day!
Random Guy: Pretty interesting message , I like the way talk .
How about we go to a interesting Restruant in [LOCATION CENSORED] , I guess u will like it .
Myself: I’m not a fan of your grammar, no thank you.
Random Guy: Maybe u will be one day , u never know..
Okay how about max brenner
U don’t have to thank me , just say yes
Myself: This conversation is an extreme turn off.
Random Guy: But I am enjoying it
Random Guy: Don’t be too picky honey , u still have chance to meet me
Myself: I assume you’re enjoying it because other people often ignore your messages. I think it’s rude to ignore someone even on here, and am trying this experiment where I actually politely turn down those I don’t have a spec of interest in, rather than completely ignoring them.
No, thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Random Guy: Hahaha quick question r u bisexual.
Random Guy: I think u only like girl ,
Myself: Bisexuals like both men and women. If I was only interested in women, I would be a lesbian and it would be indicated above, rather than listing me as “straight.” Unfortunately, I’m only interested in well educated men -Though this still qualifies me as being straight.
Random Guy: I just took a nap , I am going out for a caffe , I think u should join and trust me I can get any girl I want I have every thing a girl need
Myself: It’s good you have acquired such a large amount of self confidence. Hopefully you will find someone unlike me who is attracted to that sort of cockiness. Good luck.
Random Guy: Ur very judge mantel
Myself: I believe you were going for “judgmental” and one example of the term is someone who assumes another’s sexual orientation based on their disinterest of one’s own grammar and level of confidence.
Random Guy: U judge people without even knowing them , trust me it will not take u any where
Myself: I don’t judge people without knowing them. I judge who I’d like to meet in person from a dating site based on what they choose to write about themselves on their profile and in their messages. I don’t belittle you as a person. I acknowledge that you have expressed you lack multiple qualities that are important to me personally, in a relationship.
Random Guy: Yes you are right miss [USERNAME CENSORED] , I were going to say judgmental*
Do u think when America people speak they follow grammar ,
Can u please leave this stupid grammar thing
Random Guy: Ur last message make seance to me but I am totally different in person .
I am not in to All this online dating site but I thought it will help me make some new friend but u not helping it
Random Guy: I am very busy with my business , I am just looking for someone with who I can spend some good time , go for caffe , movie , shaping , food , drinks , I think I need a good friend who I can shear my everything
Myself: Yes, when most people would like others to acknowledge their intelligence, they speak and write properly. It’s generally a good indication of their education, though there is definitely room for exceptions. This, however is unrelated to someone being an American. I’m sorry, but it’s my personal preference that I’m uninterested in dating someone with such poor grammar and I’m entitled to that. I wish you luck in finding someone who doesn’t mind the way you write/speak.
Random Guy: Write and speak hum
I guess I know how to cray a conversations
Myself: No, I am not helping you make friends on this site because I am not right for you and I urge you to find someone more compatible. I’m only replying because I don’t think it’s right to ignore someone. I personally find it irritating when someone corrects my spelling in casual conversation, however you may really want to be careful with yours. I really don’t think you’d like someone to shear your everything.
Random Guy: Okay fine if u don’t want to then don’t replay me , I am not a 2 years old boy who will cry on the corner when he can’t get something he want. I am honest guy with good heart .
I am not desperate to find someone here , I don’t play no stupid game to get girls. I am a open book.
I respect u that u were being very nice to me .
Random Guy: And yes I will shear my everything with that person who I can trust .
Random Guy: Oh one more thing
Ur a wonderful person

…I’ll let him have the last word. -But I really don’t think he’ll continue to trust the person who shears his everything! –Er…And if English was just his second language he should’ve made that clear, though I still hold the right to personally not find it attractive when it comes to dating.
…Man, I need to get a life!
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