The date we had set for Wednesday got moved to Saturday, then Sunday, and then again to the next Wednesday. At this point I was losing interest pretty rapidly. I couldn’t tell if she’d met someone more interesting, or was just the kind of unorganized person with a busy life that I’m not into. If I was in any other situation I’d probably have stopped asking when she was free. I might have stopped replying to her texts completely. If I had anything else going on, I might have not allowed her to hold so much power scheduling the next date. A friend suggested I drop her after the third time she rescheduled. “What would I gain doing that?” I asked. “Self respect?” he said. “Oh yeah, me and my self respect are going to sit at home without anything else to do and have so much fun together,” I replied. But, Wednesday it was. Wednesday at 6:30, then Wednesday at 7:00, then Wednesday at 7:30, but still Wednesday it was. I waited for her at the bar and when she walked in I immediately knew it wasn’t going anywhere. The vibe was different. We were distant from each other, almost forcing something that wasn’t there. We looked at each other like we were bored already. I don’t exactly know what made that night so different than the first, but it reminded me of a guy I dated last July who told me that he’s never had a decent second date. (You might remember my brief mention of who I referred to as “Intellectual Guy” before he quickly became “uninteresting guy.”) He had explained that he was quite skilled at first dates, but somehow always used up his charm by the second. Her and I talked, we had a drink, we walked to another bar, we had another drink, we might’ve even laughed a little, and then she had to go because she was tired. I knew she wasn’t really lying, but I also knew that was my line when I’d had enough of a date. On my way home I started to wonder if it was just an off-night. The pressure of nothing else going on was building again. What did I have to lose at that point? I tried out this text about 30 minutes after we parted ways that night:
After my text was ignored I got the message. So, I was home on a weeknight three drinks in, back to nothing “romantic” going on in my life. I thought about how crappy my dating life had been going lately and then I remembered the person who had inspired this post. He had texted me out of the blue to meet up, when I wasn’t free one night about two months ago. I hadn’t seen him in about 8 months now and started thinking it might be a nice option to have on the table again. Without thinking about it too much more, I sent him this text and yes it was after 11pm:
To my surprise he replied and this is how my night wound up:
[Insert graphic details of the rest of my night here]
The next day at work I spent most of my lunch break on Tinder seeking out someone new. Then my date from the night before texted me. As soon as my phone buzzed and I saw her name pop up, I knew what it was going to say and didn’t even want to read it…
Clearly I’d already received the message or I wouldn’t have texted my old friend the night before, or been back on Tinder so avidly. I would have rather she didn’t reply at all. I feel like that text just sort of made it awkward when it was unnecessary. As much as I always say I’d rather not be ignored and have people be straight forward with me, I think there are still certain times where it’s better when nothing is said. I got her message when she didn’t answer me the night before and it didn’t need to be rubbed in any further. If she hadn’t said anything about ignoring it, maybe we could’ve even been friends. That’s something I don’t like about online dating or Tinder dates. In the real world you can get to know someone without having to be on a date with them. You can start out as friends and see where it goes. When you meet someone from a dating site, the first time you meet it’s your first date. You can say you’re not going to call it that, but you always know it’s a date. By the second date if you know you’re not compatible with one another you basically have to break up. Being friends after a break-up generally has some difficulties. Although you’re on a much less intense level of breaking up, that awkward tinge remains. Maybe we could’ve laughed off my message and hung out again at some point if she hadn’t sent that totally “it’s not you it’s me” kind of text. It’s not so easy to come back leaving it off that way. I still think it would be fun to hang out with her though, do you think I should try asking about a friendship with her in a couple of weeks?