March | 2014 | Tired Of Dating

Well, that was a first. Yesterday I got a message from a guy on one of the dating sites. I could tell he wasn’t really my type, but he was cute, intelligent, and interesting enough. We exchanged about four messages describing our jobs, what we do in our free time, etc. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he’d thought it over and realized we should probably try to meet different people on there. Is it really possible to break up with someone you’ve only spent a total of maybe 20 minutes speaking to and never met? I replied to the last few things he mentioned to round off the conversation, agreed that we probably weren’t the best match and wished him luck. But it was just strange because I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’ve somehow been dumped. I didn’t say anything so out there, ignorant, or cruel. I’m really just sort of confused as this has never happened before. I spend so much time shaking off those I’m not interested in, I guess I never really thought about someone doing it to me, so early into a conversation that was going well. I guess most of them usually just stop replying out of the blue when they decide they’re not interested, but to get a message that says “Maybe we just need to both keep looking” -I suddenly feel just about as bad as you can feel getting dumped by someone you didn’t know for more than a day and hadn’t developed any feelings for. I guess that isn’t so bad, but at the same time it doesn’t feel great when you’ve already been somewhat lonely and down. Maybe it was just the way he phrased it that made it all too familiar, and stirred up feelings of being dumped in the past. Sometimes it’s like I’m reliving certain moments, though the present situation may have little to do with my past.

It’s been what, months since I last wrote here? Well guess what, it’s been months since there was any action going on in my love life as well. I’ll give you a little recap of what I can, anyway. There was the guy who I met about 5 years ago at a concert and hadn’t seen since. He was one of those friends where the situation is “Hey let’s totally be FaceBook friends and then not speak to each other ever again, but occasionally glance at pictures from each other’s lives for the next six years.” Well, we chat every now and then as of the last few months, and occasionally share somewhat explicit stories. A few days ago he told me that he’d be in town and we could hang out. He now normally lives a passport and approximately 222 miles from me (thanks, Google.) He said Wednesday night he’d be available and I should let him know if I’m up for it. I’m not sure of the details but I’m pretty sure he was looking to hook up with me and I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend. Tuesday night he deleted his FaceBook, or possibly deleted me. Late, Wednesday night he reactivated his page and messaged me “Hey I guess we missed each other this time around.” I replied “Yeah, I saw you deleted your FaceBook or blocked me or whatever.” No answer. I suppose he got cold feet or caught about his plans? For the record, no I wasn’t going to hook up with him and no I especially wasn’t going to hook up with him if he had a girlfriend.

Okay, maybe not all of that last sentence was true. A guy who I once wrote about here, (Quick Recap: we met at a party, he came back to my place, we talked for hours, I fell asleep, when I woke up he was gone, nothing happened between us, he messaged me saying he was interested in me, he wound up seeing someone a week later, some months later he asked me how I felt about some sort of strictly sexual situation, I declined as I already had one going on with someone and explained that I wasn’t interested in that kind of relationship) left me two messages on FaceBook the other day. His message after at 1am said “Thank you for the birthday well wishes. It’s been a while but we’re def still in line for a make out at least.” It was followed by a 6:30am message “My apologies, such a random inappropriate message… blame the booze.” I was thrilled to know guys at my age still drunk dial/text/message so I don’t have to feel so guilty about doing it once in a while. Honestly, I’ve gotten much better, though. I’ve always had ex’s numbers in my phone and no matter how blackout drunk I may get, I’ve always still known they were off limits. (I keep them in my phone so I know who to ignore in case they ever contact me.) But, the shocking part of this is my own realization of how desperate I’m starting to get because my reply wasn’t anything like “Yes, that was uncalled for and isn’t going to happen” -It was actually: “Lol it’s alright. Honestly, I’ve had NOTHING going on with anyone for a while now so it doesn’t even sound like such a bad suggestion.” And so, I recently sent out a few messages on the dating site and we’ll see how that turns out I suppose…