This might have only been about that night, but lately this conversation feels like it applies to every weekend…
(…The conversation turned into a couple of general questions that just sort of trailed off into silence after that.)
The time-traveler (see previous post for the back story) shot me a text the next afternoon. I know he doesn’t use textmessages, so I knew that was big for him. I suddenly felt guilty about how I’d left things off, when I really had no plans of speaking to him again. It took me a couple of hours before I remembered how much I hated being ignored in that situation, and decided it would just be better to let him know how I felt before leading him on any further. His textmessage had sounded so sweet, so I felt kind of awful to bring him down. It went like this…
It was his short reply that made me feel pretty bad, though…
That curt “See ya” has such a hurt and defensive tone behind it. I didn’t read it as a friendly, “Oh well” sort of “see ya,” but one that says “I don’t care,” when you really do. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry I may have mislead him, or that I felt bad, but nothing I typed into that “compose message” box seemed like anything that would have made me feel better if I’d been on the receiving end of it. My friends think I shouldn’t feel so guilty and that he shouldn’t have had that response, but I know there have been times I was there. Even just a couple of days ago I’d had my excitement over the latest Mr. Perfect Profile crushed. Somehow this text read “I was happy about meeting you and felt potential in how things went, all last night and throughout today, and then you shattered that.” Maybe he should’ve read into my “I’m tired” so early into the night a little better. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed him goodnight. Either way, no matter how short-lived something may have been, bringing someone down who didn’t really do anything wrong will never be a pleasant thing. Although that was a lot of reading into the text exchange I did, I suddenly felt an overwhelming distain for dating…That probably sparked some of this blog’s recent comeback.
[Continuation From Previous Post]
I hadn’t been out on a date in months, and I also hadn’t been out on a date with a guy in almost a year. Feeling that this made it some sort of out-of-the-ordinary special occasion, even with a not-so-special (yet?) person, I decided to spend a little extra time on my appearance. I’ve got a job where formal attire is required, sucking the excitement out of being “dressed up for a change.” So, a little more effort is necessary to stray from my routine look. I know I don’t “need” makeup, but spending some extra time applying it differently from my usual look, paired with the extra 5 minutes on my hair, I did feel that I looked pretty hot that night. (That’s not a word I typically use to describe myself.) Even if it was just the confidence boost it somehow added, it was nice to feel that way. Knowing the person I was about to meet was really my second choice date for the night, I figured I’d arrive a little early to have a pre-date drink and psych myself up for it a little more. Maybe I was also hoping to get someone else’s number before he arrived. I spent the first 20 minutes in a crowded bar desperately looking for some place to put my glass of wine down so I could take off my coat. I leaned against the wall in-between the jukebox and the ATM hoping someone might separate from their group and use one of them. Eventually I did ask someone very attractive to hold the glass for me for a moment. Their body language screamed “I’m not interested in you.” Thanks. I wasn’t off to an exciting night.
The date showed up mostly on time and I was surprised that his accent, clothes, and just about everything about him felt like he’d been plucked from some old New York film from somewhere around the 1920-1940’s. It was quite interesting and even more so hilarious. I decided to pretend we’d gone back in time and I went with it. Of course, he was clueless to this game –as this was just who he was present day. He used the restroom and when he walked out immediately said, “Ah, you’re still here, that’s good.” I figured it was a joke, but wondered if anyone had really been that rude to him before and just vanished moments after meeting him. At my suggestion, we got out of that bar and went a couple of blocks down to the less crowded place I was actually supposed to meet my first choice date at. Wouldn’t it have been funny if he had been there with someone else? I wouldn’t have been surprised after how excited he’d sounded over the bar. He wasn’t there, that I noticed. So, second choice date and I talked. He talked like we were living decades in the past, and it fueled my game of imagining we’d gone back in time when he talked about his distain for the latest technology and refusal to use textmessages. Even when I asked about his family he seemed to ramble more about New York history, when this and that bridge was being built and so on, than their actual lives. Perhaps he had been a time traveler! My little sci-fi fantasy was probably the only thing keeping up my excitement about the date. From the start I wasn’t feeling very into him, and had to keep my mind from wandering to the beginning where he’d noted I was still there after he’d stepped into the restroom. To pass the time and keep myself entertained, I talked a lot, and I talked about things that interested me. If you’re interested in someone, I suggest asking to hear more about that person rather than talking their ear off about yourself. That’s sort of a general rule number one on dates. That is, dates you want to go somewhere.
I didn’t mind when he kissed me because I’d had a couple of drinks, but it woke me up to realize he was somehow into me even after my non-stop chatter, or just looking to hook up, and I shouldn’t lead him on. I told him I was tired and I had to go head home. Sometimes I am actually tired and sometimes I have had a good time, but feel it’s getting late. So, I can’t tell you that it’s every time, but there is a very good possibility someone isn’t into you or the date if they tell you they’re tired. He seemed a bit surprised as two hours hadn’t even gone by yet, but he walked me to the train anyway. I hugged him goodbye and quickly had the thought, “Well, you’ve already kissed him, maybe it would be weird if you didn’t kiss him goodbye now” –Of course, there wasn’t much time to give it a second thought because my train was about to leave, so I kissed him goodnight and hurried on my way. I was still humored over the idea that he’d really been from some other decade in time, and although I’d never know without seeing him again, I figured it might be more fun to keep it as a sort of mystery novelty idea. I might have just gone on a date with a time traveler. That was a much more fun way of putting it than what the more probably reality had been.
Do you ever find someone “perfect” on a dating website, or rather find that they have the “perfect” profile? You sort of have that invisible check list you run down and you find that their qualifications to date you are off the charts. While you know the guy or girl might be totally different in person, every word they write, and every picture they put up is exactly what you look for on a profile. When you read it you smile and nod along to every line until it seems too good to be true. It usually is in the end, isn’t it? I’ve only found this kind of profile two or three times in all my years on dating sites. Of course, if all had gone to plan after finding them, I wouldn’t have this blog. I wind up excited over the potential, stressed about screwing things up in the conversation, and nervous about getting my hopes too high for some sort of later let-down. A couple of weeks ago I stumbled onto one of those pages, and we wound up in an excellent back and forth conversation. We both seemed to be so perfectly aligned on every topic, humored by each other’s jokes, and just having an overall great flow in conversation. I realized how long it’d been since I’d had a good conversation with someone and how much I’d missed it. It was more than just the basic getting to know you questions, it was stories and anecdotes that made it interesting and real. Just a couple of days into the conversation, I sent my number and said to text me so we could make plans to meet. Just a couple of hours later I got a text, and all seemed well…Until it didn’t.
I’ll spare you the details of most of the he said/she said, but plans to meet went into the works over a two week period with a lot of uncertainty on his side. “I might not be free? I have tentative plans with a flakey friend,” “As of right now I am free Saturday. There may be a work thing going on but I don’t think it’s likely,” and then “I should be good for tomorrow.” In fact the only time I got a “Yeah, definitely!” was when I said “Maybe some time when you’re free.” There were some excuses about work preventing answers via text with days-long gaps in-between. I got the feeling he’d recently met someone else and none of this was truly what was going on. When we were finally locked in with a place and time for Saturday night, I had a bad feeling about it. Sure, I’d been excited about it all week, but something told me I was going to get stood up. I’d been talking to someone okay, yet less interesting on the same dating site, so I hesitantly made plans with him for the same night. I’ve never done that before, had a date with a back-up date lined up in case one fell through, but for some reason it just felt necessary this weekend. I’d spent too many lame weekends in a row pondering what it’d be like to be out on a date again.
Three hours before the date, around the time I’d have been hopping in the shower, I checked into the dating site and sure enough he was on it. Of course, this didn’t mean a lot because I was also logged in, and I’d still been chatting with other prospective dates. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that until you’ve actually met someone and established some monogamous agreement in your relationship, but after already having a bad feeling about the uncertain language he’d been using, I sent a “So, see you there at 7?” final text. That’s when I got the latest story about “some shit going down back home” and how he was out of town, wouldn’t be back for over a week, and sorry for cancelling. Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn’t. It probably wasn’t. Either way, disappointed I sulked some. Why was this “perfect” profile this misleading about the person behind it? I started thinking about the flaws we all have. Everyone we ever meet has them and we’ve just got to find a compatible combination of our flaws. Almost everyone you’ll ever date is someone else’s ex for a reason. The “perfect” person is only perfect to you because you find the combination of their positive attributes and flaws to be flawlessly compatible with your own. Although I wasn’t psyched about my back-up date, I decided not to let the outfit I’d picked out go to waste that night and started getting ready anyway…
[Check Back For Details On The Date I Went On In The Next Post!]
My long hiatus from here was due to a long hiatus from dating. I guess you could say I was at a good place in my life, busied by my hobbies, and just content on my own. Of course, after a while circumstances change, and when the awful side to dating and stresses of relationships fade from your mind, one starts to miss the pleasant parts. Or maybe I’m just at that point where my friends are continuing to marry with children left and right, and nearing 30 starts to sound like an age I’d like to be less single. I suppose I’m at that point where I’m giving it all another 100th attempt. (I don’t know that I’ve actually had 100 love interests/been on 100 dates before.) So, I’ve been logging back into my dating site profiles, swiping my “yes” and “no”s on apps and scoping out those on the train or in the bar. I can’t promise how often I’ll be posting here again or what you should expect, but for the time being, yes TiredOfDating.net is back.