This blog is anonymous, though a few of my friends know about it. I’ve felt comfortable and free to speak my mind for the most part here, though it’s odd I haven’t felt the same opportunities to be as open with my friends. The reaction from of my male friends to my interest in dating women has been positive for the most part. I think it’s just the popular appeal to many straight men of two women together that leaves them so accepting. My female friends haven’t had the same reaction. I get a lot of “Oh.”, “Alright then…”, or “Interesting” from them. I know that these words translate to something else and they reek of discomfort and uncertainty. I can tell my best friend wants to be happy for me with whoever I meet. I know she wants to be nice and listen to my stories. I know her word selection is her trying to the best of her ability, but it’s been extremely disappointing because I can’t help but see through it. Why does it make them feel so uncomfortable? Do they think I will suddenly be attracted to them? Do they really think that after all the years of me not feeling anything romantic towards them that will suddenly change because I realize I’m able to feel that way towards other women? Do they really think that they can’t relate to me anymore, after years of spending time together and sharing stories? Are they jealous in some twisted way? Do they see someone female as a threat to our friendship? Do they feel like they suddenly don’t know me as well as they thought they did and are questioning more about me as a person? Do they think it’s a joke and aren’t taking me seriously for it? Are they trying not to feed into it because I’ve already expressed that even I, myself, think it’s just a phase? I’ve always been pretty sure that none of my friends were homophobic, but they’re seriously causing me to question their opinions on this. I hadn’t seen it as a big deal because I’m still interested in men as well. Why does it seem to be such huge news to them? Perhaps it’s just sort of come as a surprise, so they haven’t had time to make up their opinion about it. Though, why should they have to think about it so much? I feel like I’m being treated as if I’m some sort of novelty when they share my story with friends who aren’t as close to us. I don’t mind so much if others know this about me, but if it’s being talked about just because it’s “weird” or “funny” –I’d really rather not just be the center of some gossip. I’m disappointed in my friends because I feel like if I end up in something serious with someone female, all of my friends will end up pretty distant from me.
I freak out from time to time that someone I know has seen my blog! I would hate it if they did.
Give your friends some time to get used to it! They may not see this as a serious thing and it is new to them! Suddenly you want to date girls so they need to adapt to that!
Yes, there are definitely a few people I feel odd about reading my blog, but for the most part I’ve only shared it with people who I wouldn’t mind seeing it anyway.
And I just don’t really see how this choice in who I date should have so much of an effect on them that they should need to adapt to anything, I guess …Especially because I still plan on dating men as well =/ …I mean I would understand the concern of dating someone who wasn’t nice towards them if we all hung out -but beyond that I don’t see how gender would be an issue.
It is just that they have known you for so long and this is new! You changed they didn’t so they need time to adapt! They could think it’s just a phase or something maybe if they realised it’s not they would act differently!
Well even I’ve said I think it’s most likely just a phase I’m going through at this time -but even so, it’s not made up, and this is how it is at this time, so it’s weird to me that they’re responding in such a distant way. I’m not sure why they would need to adapt to a slight modification I’d made in my life because I don’t see how it effects them. I’m still planning on dating men as well which is why I don’t think it’s such a huge thing for them. All of the other times I’ve introduced something new they didn’t need time to adapt and were always interested in hearing about what new thing was going on in my life. I feel that they’re just distancing themselves in this time.
I hope that is not the case and they don’t continue to behave this way!!
Thanks, me too =)
Is it possible that the reason they are reacting with words like “interesting” is because they want to ask questions to figure out where it is coming from, how you are feeling, what your plans are, etc, but they feel like they can’t? I know if I am not sure if I should ask someone to elaborate on something, I sometimes give an answer like that. When I was talking to a couple good friends about my decision to be non-monogamous, they asked a lot of questions. I could tell they were concerned, but I was glad that they were honest and wanted me to be open so I could share what I was feeling. If they had just said “okay” or “interesting” I would have definitely felt judged and not known where I stood.
Could you maybe encourage them to ask questions?
They said “interesting” in the tone that translates to “that’s weird” -but you don’t say that when you’re trying to be polite. They know my extreme openness and willingness to share everything, so I don’t think it’s related to a fear of asking more…When I try to give more information without being questioned, it seems they’re disinterested. I get brushed off, sometimes ignored, or they kind of nod and smile and change the subject. They don’t seem to want to know more or have a part in my life if it relates to that. It just seems like they aren’t comfortable, but I’m not sure why.
I’m sorry they’re reacting that way. That is really shitty. Changing the subject or not encouraging more conversation is really rude when someone is trying to open up to you or simply be honest about their lives.
Yeah well, I know they mean well and all…It’s just strange to me that it’s such a big deal to them when it isn’t to me.
Sometimes we just have to move on from some friends…. you’ll know if and when that needs to happen. Good luck~
I have a really good friend who basically told me it was a phase. I think because we talked about guys together, it is REALLY hard for her to get how I like girls too. Which is frustrating because I don’t think it is that hard man.
Yeah, I don’t feel like it’s all that different and I’m having trouble understanding why it seems like a big deal for my friends when I didn’t think of it as a big thing. Thanks for commenting =)
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