A Vacation

Tomorrow morning I’ll be headed to the airport for a much needed two week vacation. I haven’t really received any post-worthy dating site messages lately, so I suppose you’re already used to my recent absence in the blog world. Once I’m back in the US, after my trip I’ll be busy with some apartment hunting, so you can settle into not hearing updates from me, BUT…Hopefully I will have a more active dating life soon again after that. I haven’t heard from the Canadian guy since his textmessage about seeing each other in the new year, but if neither of us wind up with anyone in the next couple of weeks, hopefully we’ll follow through with a second date. Other than that, it’s been pretty quiet in my world of dating. A crush or an ex sometimes appear in my dreams, but self control keeps me from stalking their FaceBooks or allowing their updates to popup in my newsfeed, and continuing thoughts and jaded feelings of the dating scene float still around my head throughout the day. It’s a battle of moments when you think you might enjoy being in a relationship of some sort and yearn for that, verses certain comforts of being single, and little control over either. You remember when you were a teenager and everything was fresh and new? Sure, sometimes you dated someone with an ex or two, but for the most part it wasn’t that serious and it was always all a fresh clean slate. There are only so many mistakes and dramatic moments you could have had or shared with others at such a young age. The older and older we get, the more baggage everyone we meet has, and the more baggage of our own is accumulated. First kisses, first loves, and special moments may always be remembered, but at some point or another when you’ve repeated it all enough times, it all loses some of it’s luster. Considering I probably have a decent chunk of years left dating, I couldn’t be feeling more pessimistic about what’s to come. It never gets any easier to accept someone you may be, accept someone else for who they may be, and for that person to accept the unique flaws and baggage that come along with being you too…And I’ll leave you with one silly message I received a few weeks ago -Of course the conversation didn’t really go anywhere too interesting when I expressed my disinterest of most cartoons…

Random Guy: You sound so funny and awesome. I’ve gotta know – if you were a cartoon and were bonked on the head… what would happen to you?
[At least he earned his creativity points? Though, somehow it sounds like it came from a pretty lame book of conversation starters.]

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First Date, A Month Away From The 2nd Date…

A Little Over A Week Ago:
A few days ago I got a message on one of the dating sites, from a guy who sounded totally okay. He didn’t have a profile that I was that excited about, but he looked alright, sounded nice enough, was around my age, and had a couple of things in common with me. I haven’t been on a date with a guy in about 6 months, or with anyone in a few months, so I was thinking it might be time to try out the whole dating thing again. Of course, the moment he mentioned a specific day to meet I stopped replying. I wasn’t even that excited because I still wanted to be on my break from guys, except the idea of someone rather than no one was starting to seem more appealing lately. Then I started thinking about all of the stresses of dating and how much I hate first dates. I quickly pictured how our night would go and just wanted to call the whole thing off. The next day I went back to my “someone better than no one” idea and gave him my number saying I’d probably be free later. After I didn’t hear from him, I made plans to meet up with some friends at a bar. As I was getting ready to go out, he texted me saying he was feeling under the weather and asked if we could meet the next weekend. I told him it wasn’t a problem and in my mind began picturing excuses I might text him to cancel again in a week. I wondered though, if his excuse for canceling was because he had just been feeling as jaded as I am about dating…

Today:
On Friday I guess I was back to thinking going on a date might be a good idea, so I decided to text the guy from the week before and let him know I’d be free Saturday. But, as soon as he suggested 7:30, I started thinking about backing out. I just kept thinking about how awful dating is, and the idea of a first date all over again sounded like the last thing I wanted to do. Then, I finalized the plans and went anyway. It went well! We got a drink and some appetizers, covered all the first date basic questions, and even got a little off topic and dared to break to the “rules” of what shouldn’t be mentioned. We laughed, interested each other, he kissed my cheek goodnight, and I believe I had a successful date. He texted me today and I realized what crappy timing it was to meet someone new. He’ll be away for the holidays, and then I’ll be on vacation, so the next time I’ll see him will be in a month from now. A lot could change in a month, but who knows maybe the timing will be just right when I’m back in the US starting my new year mid-January. Maybe he’ll play a role in a decent chunk of my life…Or maybe he’ll just be one nice first date I went out on and nothing more…Anyway, he seemed to fit all of my basic “qualifications” and physically looked like “my type” -or at least the type I tend to be attracted to time and time again, so I suppose there’s still some potential at this point. I’ll be referring to him as the Canadian, as that’s where he’s originally from and I don’t reveal any real names on here. I have dated another guy who was originally from Canada, but seeing that he’s married now and we haven’t spoken to each other in years, I figure he’s pretty much out of the picture and all confusion will be avoided.

Dating Website Conversation #22

This conversation occurred on one of the dating sites about a week ago…

Random Guy: Well based on your television and comedians list we have basically the same sense of humor. Louis CK is amazing.
Also, I’d love to see more mermaid pics of you.
[I’m in a costume in one of my profile pictures.]
Myself: Louis Ck’s great.
Yeah, whenever people mention that picture I find it kind of creepy…Like more of my skin is showing in it than in my other pictures…Or were you actually interested in the entire costume which can’t even be seen in the picture? I actually spent about 12 hours making the costume. It was my first time sewing -it’s actually made of 2 or 3 scarves I got at a 99 cents store. But no one would know that from the picture.
Random Guy: Aw, I’m sorry if that was creepy. It’s not that more of your skin was showing, it’s that I’m really into animal girl costumes – mermaid fins, cat ears, wings, tails, etc. (of course that might be a creepy thing to say as well, pretty bad first impression)
Myself: uhh, yeah that’s definitely creepier.
Random Guy: Oh well, sorry I brought it up then.
So, any interest in getting coffee with me sometime?
Myself: meh…probably not really.
Random Guy: Understandable. Thanks for responding even after I was weird, good luck on here.
Myself: eh, that wasn’t so bad. I think everyone’s weird and weird is better, but you can’t start off with that initially because it signals the bad kind of weird, you know…But I make that mistake a lot, which is why I don’t mind so much.
It’s mostly that you’re a little younger than I’d prefer to date men.
Myself: Good luck to you too.

 

Helping Friends Date

I mentioned that I went out later than I wanted to be out the other night. I took the train home around 3am with a friend when the following conversation occurred. It related to dating, so I figured I’d share it…

Female Friend: “You think that guy over there is gay?”
Myself: “Who?”
Female Friend: “The one in the grey sweater. Don’t look now, he’s looking!”
Myself: *looks* “Hm…No, not necessarily, why?”
Female Friend: “Are you sure?”
Myself: “I don’t know. I wouldn’t assume he is, but you can’t always tell. Why are you asking?”
Female Friend: “Because I’m about to give him my number and I wanted to make sure.”
Myself: “Nah, I don’t think he is, but even if he is, there’s no rejection to take personally and feel bad about. It says nothing on your part.”
Female Friend: “But I don’t want to be rejected! I’m scared, can you do it for me?”
Myself: “You want me to hand him a scrap of paper with your number on it? He’ll think it’s from me.”
Female Friend: “I wrote a note on it. It says ‘You are very handsome’ and I put my number and signed it [NAME CENSORED]
Myself: “But he doesn’t know that’s your name. Then I have to tell him it’s from you when you’re sitting right there. What are we in school and you want me to pass a note to a guy you like, and tell him it’s from you?”
Female Friend: “Yes! He’s really handsome and- Shhhh! Shhh!”
Handsome Guy On Train: *smiles at Female Friend*
Female Friend: “And he knows it!” *smiles back & waves*
Myself: “Okay, there, he smiled and made eye contact, go give the note to him.”
Female Friend: “No I can’t, what if he has a girlfriend!”
Myself: “So? Then once again, him rejecting you has nothing to do with you!”
Female Friend: “But I don’t want him to turn me down! Do you think he has a girlfriend?”
Myself: “He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he just smiled at you. And if he does, he’s a cheating asshole, so you’re not missing out on anything.”
Female Friend: “That’s true. But I still can’t go over there, I’m too nervous.”
Myself: “Look at his hand, he has a stamp on it. He was just at some bar or club, he’s been drinking just like everyone else on this train, just an hour ago you could’ve been in the same bar as him and it would’ve been the same thing to go up to him.”
Female Friend: “Yeah, but I don’t want him to tell me no! You don’t think he has a girlfriend? You can tell by looking at someone.”
Myself: “No you can’t! People break up all the time, you don’t know when someone is in-between seeing people and single. They don’t look any different!”
Female Friend: “Well, I guess so. When are we getting off the train?”
Myself: “Now, it’s the next stop.”
Female Friend: *Walks up to guy and smiles and hands him the note.*
Handsome Guy On Train: *takes note, smiles, and winks*
[Female Friend & I get off the train]
Female Friend: *waves outside train window as it pulls away*
Myself: “Don’t date him, he’s going to cheat on you.”
Female Friend: “Why?”
Myself: “The way he winked. He was too used to being hit on. He doesn’t look sincere. Don’t answer if he calls you. –Unless you just want to do him, then that’s fine. Go ahead. Protected.”
[Because I suddenly became an expert on making assumptions about people after that haha…]

Bar Hopping After Midnight

Maybe it’s more of something introverts relate to, but the other night I went out with some friends, and after a couple of hours and drinks I was done socializing and ready to head home. However, my friends weren’t. I enjoy going out, I enjoy an occasional drink or two, and I enjoy socializing, but I enjoy it in a much smaller dose than most of friends. They don’t seem to understand this. So, I wound up getting pressured to stay out past that perfect time to leave while I’m still content, and spent the last half of my night at a miserable decline. Sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning they decided we needed to hit yet another bar to play beer pong. Some of my friends are a few years younger than me, and these are the nights where I really feel the age difference. For most people I know, “Let’s party all night, every weekend!” ends after your early twenties and the goal becomes to just catch a buzz, rather than wind up wasted. I got called a “party pooper” and so because somehow in their eyes it’s better I stay out in a bad mood than go home content…and the pressure of “I’m going to leave with you so I don’t go home alone, but I just want to do this one other thing first…” the whole night, kept me out. So, around 1am or 2am we wind up getting to a bar that I feel like only college kids go to and I’d been forced into super-bitch-mode, wanting nothing more than to head home, and fantasizing about sleeping in my bed alone. Sitting alone on a barstool, watching my friends wrap up their game of beer pong was of course when everyone began to hit on me while I was in bitch-mode…

(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Hi, I don’t usually do this but…but…I…I just wanted to tell you that if you were a natural disaster you would be global warming.”
Myself: “Oh. Yeah, ha. Well, thank you but I’m not really interested in meeting anyone right now.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Well, I just wanted to talk…”
Myself: “Yeah I know, but you know, just this whole scene and everything. I’m really, really tired and I’m waiting for my friends to finish this game of beer pong so I can go home.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “I know but I just think you’re…”
Myself: “No really, thank you. I just, I’m really tired, sorry. I really don’t want to do any of this dating, talking, meeting people, any of this stuff…”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “But I just wanted to chat and…”
Myself: “I know, thank you. I just…Sorry. I hope you find someone to talk to tonight!”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: *Walks Away*

(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Hey, you look cold.”
Myself: “Oh um, yeah I am pretty cold actually, but I’m just waiting for my friends to finish their game so I can go home.”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Oh, well, I just thought you looked cold and so I thought I would mention it and um…”
Myself: “Yeah, I am cold, but I’m really tired and not really interested in meeting anyone right now…And you know people like keep coming up to me to talk to me…”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Well uh, I’ll just save you the trouble then and I won’t be one of those people, and I’ll stop now…”
Myself: “Okay, thanks!”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: *Walks away*

(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Hey, what’s your name?”
Myself: “Oh we’re talking now?”
[How f*cking bitchy is that?! I was so done with that night, hours ago! He was probably the one I was the meanest to]
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhh I guess…”
Myself: “Yeah um…I just really don’t want to do this. I’m really tired, I’m waiting for my friends to finish their game so we can leave and I really feel like this is an early 20’s bar.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Oh…Well…”
Myself: “Well –How old are you?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Er…Old enough…”
Myself: “Yeah, early 20’s, you see. All of you just want to meet and f*ck, meet and f*ck and I mean that can be fun for some time, but you just grow out of it. I’m really over that phase.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Well, but it’s fun…”
Myself: “Yeah, I know I mean that’s cool, it is for a while, just not anymore for me. You’re from [STATE CENSORED]?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Yeah”
Myself: “Yeah, well I’m just kind of tired of dating and meeting people and hooking up at bars and all…And I’m tired of guys too, so now I’m also interested in girls.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhhh…Like hooking up with girls?”
Myself: “Well, you know, dating them, possible relationships…”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “You like girls” *nods head*
Myself: “Well, I’ve always dated guys but-”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: *Walks away while I’m mid-sentence and whispers something quickly to his group of friends, pretty sure along the lines of me not being interested in guys*
Myself: *laughing*
[
At least by saying it that way he didn’t take it personally…]

So, I’m not really sure how into dating I am right now based on my “push all guys away” mode. I keep thinking about what if I had had a different sort of conversation with the cute guy earlier in the night, but at the same time I’m pretty okay with not having met anyone that night. I guess I’m torn between the idea of staying single, being in a relationship, and the dating crap that’s necessary to get there.

Recently Ignored Messages

Honestly, I haven’t been posting a lot because I haven’t been replying to a lot of messages. Here are a few from my dating site inbox over the last couple of weeks, which I chose not to answer for various reasons…

Random Bald Guy: Hi, love your hair!
[I resisted the temptation to reply with “I bet you do.”]

Random Guy: You look just like this one celebrity, but I don’t know if I should tell you who…
-R
[That’s actually sort of a clever way to get a response. I bet some girls really want to hear who it is.]

Then there were a whole lot of those short, generic, “Hey how are you?” messages of course, and one guy who messaged me a while ago when I’d decided to take a break from guys and who admitted to not reading any of my profile before messaging me. He followed up to ask if I was dating guys again. I basically told him that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone now and that I wanted to “find myself,” figure some stuff out in my life and so on. He replied…

Random Guy: I love that attitude. I was the same way after a bad breakup a few years ago. I think that’s the perfect way to approach dating. You need to love yourself first.
Maybe you and I aren’t so different :)
[I told him I hadn’t been dealing with any recent break-ups, and it was just an in general sort of figuring my life out thing.]
Random Guy: Well let me know if you ever want to grab a drink and talk about it.
[Why would I go on a date because I don’t want to date?]
Random Guy (2 Days Later): Or not haha

Dating Website Conversation #20 & 3/4

You remember this conversation, which was followed by this one? Well, it didn’t stop after that, but I’m finally starting to think that this will be the final part, as I’ve stopped replying…

Random Guy (4 Days After Calling Himself A Hipster): Guess you won’t date a hipster
Myself: Typically hipsters are not a style I find attractive, no.
Random Guy: I landed a date !
Random Guy: It took 2 weeks !
Myself: Good job, takes some people months or years at times.
Random Guy: She’s a Doctor thought not sure we have much in common
Random Guy: She’s so hot I don’t think she’ll be into me
Random Guy: Were gonna go to [EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT CENSORED]
Myself: Have a good time.
Random Guy: Thanks I’m so nervous ! Would you wanna meet up for dessert after as friends ?
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Ok I just showed my buddy [NAME CENSORED] your profile from work he wants to know if you’d give him a shot but he’s not on here really awesome dude
Myself: No thanks
Random Guy: Ok thanks for being my mentor
Random Guy (6 Days Later On Thanksgiving): Wanna get turkey ?

I was going to reply, but…I didn’t? Who invites someone they’ve never met to have turkey on Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t they assume there was some big family dinner with turkey going on, or something? And how made up does his date sound? Isn’t that something they say girls want? “A guy who’s hot and a doctor.” And the whole going to some expensive restaurant for a first date is really not my scene, so if it was an attempt to make me jealous, he definitely further pushed me away. Did he really think after all the times I said I wasn’t interested he was somehow going to make me jealous of not dating him? I wonder if the friend he mentioned even existed or he was just going to meet me pretending to be someone else. Oh and the getting dessert after his date? Yeah, that’s normal. I hope he had fun on his imaginary date. Seriously, sometimes it’s clear why some people are single. Okay, I guess I do hope he actually had a date and it worked out because there is definitely someone out there equally odd as him and it would be nice for them to find each other. I don’t believe there’s someone for everyone in the soul mate sense, but I definitely think there is such a variety of people in the world, that there are good odds there is a combination which works out for nearly everyone to find someone they would be happy with. Though, as I am TiredOfDating, I’m not sure how likely I feel the odds of actually meeting one of those “good fit for you” people are.