A Little Over A Week Ago:
A few days ago I got a message on one of the dating sites, from a guy who sounded totally okay. He didn’t have a profile that I was that excited about, but he looked alright, sounded nice enough, was around my age, and had a couple of things in common with me. I haven’t been on a date with a guy in about 6 months, or with anyone in a few months, so I was thinking it might be time to try out the whole dating thing again. Of course, the moment he mentioned a specific day to meet I stopped replying. I wasn’t even that excited because I still wanted to be on my break from guys, except the idea of someone rather than no one was starting to seem more appealing lately. Then I started thinking about all of the stresses of dating and how much I hate first dates. I quickly pictured how our night would go and just wanted to call the whole thing off. The next day I went back to my “someone better than no one” idea and gave him my number saying I’d probably be free later. After I didn’t hear from him, I made plans to meet up with some friends at a bar. As I was getting ready to go out, he texted me saying he was feeling under the weather and asked if we could meet the next weekend. I told him it wasn’t a problem and in my mind began picturing excuses I might text him to cancel again in a week. I wondered though, if his excuse for canceling was because he had just been feeling as jaded as I am about dating…
On Friday I guess I was back to thinking going on a date might be a good idea, so I decided to text the guy from the week before and let him know I’d be free Saturday. But, as soon as he suggested 7:30, I started thinking about backing out. I just kept thinking about how awful dating is, and the idea of a first date all over again sounded like the last thing I wanted to do. Then, I finalized the plans and went anyway. It went well! We got a drink and some appetizers, covered all the first date basic questions, and even got a little off topic and dared to break to the “rules” of what shouldn’t be mentioned. We laughed, interested each other, he kissed my cheek goodnight, and I believe I had a successful date. He texted me today and I realized what crappy timing it was to meet someone new. He’ll be away for the holidays, and then I’ll be on vacation, so the next time I’ll see him will be in a month from now. A lot could change in a month, but who knows maybe the timing will be just right when I’m back in the US starting my new year mid-January. Maybe he’ll play a role in a decent chunk of my life…Or maybe he’ll just be one nice first date I went out on and nothing more…Anyway, he seemed to fit all of my basic “qualifications” and physically looked like “my type” -or at least the type I tend to be attracted to time and time again, so I suppose there’s still some potential at this point. I’ll be referring to him as the Canadian, as that’s where he’s originally from and I don’t reveal any real names on here. I have dated another guy who was originally from Canada, but seeing that he’s married now and we haven’t spoken to each other in years, I figure he’s pretty much out of the picture and all confusion will be avoided.
So, I’ve come a long way since my post “Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?” and changing my dating website profile from “Straight” to “Bisexual.” After 25 unanswered messages to women, I finally got a reply and wound up asking if she was free this weekend. I was excited and nervous because it was my first time going out with a girl. We actually walked along the beach, getting to know each other and I thought “Did we really just have the ultimate cliché date with a long walk on the beach?” We got some drinks, some food, played a little skeeball (she’d never played it before), and some other silly arcade-type game. We turned in the tickets we’d won for a temporary tattoo and plastic lizard. We rode my favorite two rides at the park and then grabbed dinner in another neighborhood. We headed home after 7 hours together, so I have to say –it went pretty well. She was cute, nice, interesting, fun…She even reminded me a little of the girl I originally developed a crush on, which started this whole idea…We agreed it was awkward for a first meeting to be a date, so I’m not sure if it’ll end up as just a friends thing, but I’d like to see her again. I did learn something important from the experience even if I don’t: I can definitely see myself dating a girl, in the same way I’d date a guy and feel pretty comfortable with it. It’s opened up a world of options and although I’ll probably run into the same frustrations that I have dating men, it’s nice to have a little more selection of potential dates. The variety does add some interesting change to the whole dating game anyway.
I realized how many times I’d fallen victim to typical stereotyped gender roles that no longer existed when dating a girl. I’d generally waited for a guy to ask me out, rather than suggesting it to him. I’d see if the guy was going to pay for my meal/drinks rather than offering to chip in right away. I’d wonder if the guy was going to try to kiss me goodnight, rather than it being something I’d initiate or not. I’d see if the guy put his arm around me, reached for my hand, or put his hand on my leg. With men taken out of the equation, everything feels a lot more equal and also with some added pressure on myself when it comes to decision making. Yesterday’s date was a good experience if nothing else. I caught myself thinking, “Should have held the door for her that time”, “I should have paid for her lunch, I asked her out”, “I’m going to pay for her drink this time”, and all of the other little things I used to use as indicators with men of being on a date or not that would pass through my mind. But once I realized how unimportant all of those things had been all along, I could let go of some of the stress that I’d held wondering which one of us was supposed to jump in and take action. I was finally getting a little further away from the dating games I’d always despised. I felt like the focus wasn’t about who did what and just ended up being more about caring for the other person and looking out for them over yourself, which really should always be the case in any relationship. It didn’t matter what gender we were, we were just people. I felt free from the stereotypes of what men want and like, and it was just about what either of us wanted or not at that time. As someone who enjoys trying new things, yesterday was certainly an enjoyable experience.