Bad Date Dodged

I managed to skip the entire dating process which would’ve wound up a complete waste of time with one dude! Maybe I should “test” everyone this way!…

Red Flag Number One: His initial message mentioned messaging me in the past and him not being sure if I received it because he had internet problems. On this site it’s pretty clear if you sent someone a message or not, as there are multiple ways of confirming it. There must have been a reason I hadn’t replied to his message from his previous profile.

For some reason I ignored the first red flag and we started talking. He asked me what I found physically attractive in a guy. I found that kind of strange to ask as everyone has pictures up, and I’d even made note of some of my “turn offs” on my profile. He was pretty upset by the fact that I’m generally not attracted to guys with facial hair. I don’t really know why he wanted me to further delve into why exactly I wasn’t into it, when it wouldn’t really change anything.

Red Flag Number Two: He said that he thought I would make a good girlfriend because I seemed to be good with communication. I do think I’m pretty good with communication in relationships, but to mention the suggestion of some sort of commitment with another after about 20 minutes of chatting online is a little too soon. Still, for some reason I let it go.

And again, “for some reason” I told him I’d meet him because it was hard to get a real idea of someone on these sites and sent him my number with instructions to text me when he’s free. I really wish I hadn’t noticed the typo in my number the first time I sent it to him and hadn’t corrected myself. Now, I expected to receive a text possibly that night, or maybe (preferably) that weekend about plans to meet. I figured we were done with the website and moving to our cellphones.

Mind you our conversation happened over a couple of hours in the same day. He constantly told me about how I was his type and how great I seemed. I really think you should hold off on all of that until you’ve met someone in person. It just doesn’t come off as very sincere and I’ve really never been flattered by comments about my physical appearance on there, as it’s all solely based on just a few pictures I’ve put up.

Red Flag Number Three: He’s going to my profile every ten minutes. I went on a date with someone like that about a year or two ago, who wound up giving me the vibe of a stalker after we met. Good news is that he finally deleted his account a few days ago.

*He texts me “Hi” at 9:31pm.
*He messages me on the site a few minutes later about how attractive he finds me.
*He texts me that it’s him (Side note, I wasn’t a fan of his name from the start) at 9:43pm.
I’m turned off by the amount of times he’s going to my profile and his message about how attractive I am and how he’s so attracted to me, so I decide to answer his text the next day. It’s kind of late, anyway.
*The next morning he messages me on the site, while I’m at work, at 10:30am “I texted you…”
*He texts me again, while I’m at work at 1:36pm “hello? Why are you blowing me off?”
*Just in case I didn’t get that text, he messages me on the site at 1:50pm, “Why are you blowing me off?”
*Finally, at 2:10pm, while I’m at work he messages me on the site “You’re an asshole.”
We haven’t known each other an entire 24 hours, we haven’t met, it’s been about 12 hours since he first texted me, and he’s calling me an asshole…

Normally, I don’t ignore people. I don’t like being ignored, so I don’t do it to others. I had intended on meeting this guy up until he started to seem creepy. I decided I’d give him a chance to redeem himself and text him back after work, -After all, I sometimes go to bed around 9pm and I’d have been at work the next day, so it wouldn’t be that crazy not to answer him right away. A friend said that I didn’t owe him an explanation for not replying in that time frame, but I figured I’d be honest. I didn’t want him to be left wondering why he was ignored “out of the blue” as I had dealt with myself in the past. Maybe he would stop texting me and we could still meet, even. But, he blew it. Obsessively freaking out about me not answering him for a few hours, and not just giving it a day or so first, really isn’t something I find attractive, magnified when I haven’t even met the person. So, I answered him…

Myself: Dude, you’re freaking me, okay?
I haven’t even met you, I don’t even know that it’s been a full 24 hours since you first messaged me, but somehow I already felt like “Okay, I need some space, let me just reply to him later.” I don’t like when people suddenly ignore me for no reason, so I do my best not to do it to others, which is why I’m replying now, but it’s never “for no reason” -I just don’t usually get to find the reasons out when it happens to me personally.
Red flag number one was that you said you’d messaged me before. It’s rare I don’t reply to a message unless I have a real reason…
Then you said something about how you thought I’d make a good girlfriend, and that felt really fast.
It was kind of weird how you were asking what I found attractive in a guy, which added to it, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me…
Then you said you found me so attractive or something, after we agreed we would meet…You’re just going off of my pictures on here -that’s not a sincere compliment to me unless you see me in person so I’ve always hated getting those kinds of messages on here, and between that and you going to my profile every 10 minutes, as someone female I have to let you know it makes me imagine you’re jerking off to my pictures and I find it really creepy.
Then there’s that you text me right away in the same day when I figured we could meet up some time soon, not that very second…Followed by a bunch of messages here telling me you texted me and then just cursing me out?…
You know what, you’re probably a nice, normal dude. Thank you for the compliment(s.) I bet you meant well…But honestly you just came on way too strong, way too fast for me, even just by those few simple actions & words. I’m sorry, I just wound up really turned off by all of this & I was going to give you a chance to cool off and see if you calmed down, but you didn’t. I hope you find what you’re looking for on this site. I do wish you luck and I didn’t mean to offend you if I have.
Obsessive Random Guy: then don’t send over 30 messages to me, give me your number, then simply completely ignore me with no explanation…if you weren’t interested just say it…seriously think about it
good luck bye
Obsessive Random Guy: you’re a sociopath wow… jerking off to your pictures?!?!?..I was reading your profile because I was enjoying it and it is long…..you have some serious issues.
[I didn’t literally think “Omg, he’s jerking off to my pictures!” but it just was just along the lines of finding it creepy he kept going to my profile and then messaging me about my appearance. And seriously, if you need to go back to my page every 10 minutes for two days to read my dating profile, I think you need to work on your literary skills. -And do you see how he says bye and then messages me again!?]
Myself: You sound like you need some more experience in dating, at least when it comes to it through these sites. I messaged you because I had an interest until you freaked me out. It’s been hours since I didn’t reply to you, that’s not completely ignoring someone with no explanation. I have waited a day or more for a reply from some guys, sometimes. From the way you’re overreacting in these messages, I highly doubt we would have been a good match. Nothing I’ve expressed in the above, suggests I have any issues, but rather that you do come off as much clingy than I’m comfortable with. My comment was a combination of you saying how attracted to me you were and the amount of times you were going to my profile. You were/are acting very similar to someone I once met from here who was too clingy, and I’d rather not repeat that. I sincerely do wish you luck on here, although you’ve continued to be rude to me at this time. I’m sorry you were so angered & upset by this.
Obsessive Random Guy: dude it’s a dating site you don’t have to take it so seriously…we had good conversation regardless…I’m sorry you’re so jaded and think every little thing comes off as creepy…I’m not angered at all just surprised at the way you’re reacting to something so ridiculous as me texting you hours later after you gave me your number. You need to really chill out and take a look at the situation as a whole…
and so what I gave you a compliment? Big deal…to me there is nothing wrong with my approach…Plenty of women would appreciate my consideration and giving a shit about their thoughts and feelings.
[Why doesn’t he get that it was the amount of times he texted and messaged me, not that he’d texted me a few hours after we first spoke?]
Myself: Yeah…Right.. *I* shouldn’t take it so seriously…Yes, that is good advice…*I* should “chill out”…Well, glad to hear you’re not angered or upset and that you just always speak this way..apparently. It’s pretty clear, we’re obviously not right for each other. Hope you find someone for you.
[Because he didn’t sound angry at all, right? I asked him to calm down, so he told me to calm down. Obsessively messaging me and stalking my dating profile isn’t exactly just finding “every little thing” creepy. And yeah, if there is nothing wrong with his approach, why is he messaging someone who ignored him the first time?…]

Bad Date Averted.

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Guy Who Can’t Give Up

You remember my post about “Clingy Guy”? Well, he must have seen a picture I posted on my dating website profile from an event I went to recently and sent me this message…

Clingy Guy: Did you see me at the [EVENT CENSORED]??? I didn’t see or recognize you!
Myself: I didn’t

I’m so relieved he said that he didn’t see me and I didn’t run into him there! I was really hesitant to even answer him, but I figured if I gave a really short, negative response, it might give a hint that I didn’t want to continue the conversation. Although, this was the guy who was never able to take a hint. But seriously, it’s been eight months since that one time I met him, how can he still be speaking to me as if that’s totally normal?!

On another note, I also received this message…

Random Guy: Hello [MY USERNAME CENSORED],
I just wanted to say your profile was well written and worth the read. I know you are only looking to date girls right now so I just want to send good vibes and positive energy your way.
Cheers,
[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Thanks =)

I thought that was nice. It’s a refreshing break from the usual…Hoping I can utilize some of those good vibes and positive energy soon.

Date With Clingy Guy

A few months ago I started chatting with guy from an online dating site, who would soon be moving to my area. In fact, he was moving into a building just a couple of blocks away from where I live. We met the day after he moved in. We took a walk and I showed him around the neighborhood. -But let me explain what happened about 5 minutes before that. I went with my “your life is not being threatened” vibe and went up to his apartment with him. I was still in my “this is really uncomfortable” phase. We’d only met about 10 minutes earlier. We sat on his couch and talked for about 20 or 30 minutes. He asked me if I wanted to move closer to him. I replied with “I’m good here.” A few minutes later he moved closer to me anyway. I stood up and suggested we go for a walk. As I stood by his front door he hugged me and gave me the obvious “I’m about to kiss you” look. I did the only thing that came naturally to me to do, and that was to clearly express exactly how I felt. I spit out a robotic, “I’m very uncomfortable right now.” He let go. I blurted out that I wasn’t over my ex. He said he didn’t know that. On our walk he asked a lot of questions about my commute to work, how long it took me to get there and address of my job. I did my best not to revel a lot of this. After an hour of walking with him I said I was going to head home. He asked if I would see him the next day. I declined. Before I knew how clingy he was, I was considering a friendship and nothing more. Then the following text message conversations occurred…

Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Do you think you’ll feel up to hanging out tonight?
Clingy Guy: There’s a movie I want to see Olympus Has Fallen. Interested?
Myself: Nah, I’m def. going to bed when I get home.
Clingy Guy: Room for one more?
Myself: Haha no, there are already 2 more, my cats.
Clingy Guy: I want to meet them one day!
Clingy Guy: Do you watch The Walking Dead?
Myself: I don’t
Clingy Guy: Oh it’s really good. I taped it last night and I can’t wait to watch it when I get home.
Myself: Not my taste in shows.
Clingy Guy: I could get into Star Trek. I like sci fi.
(Note: I had mentioned I watched an episode of Star Trek the day before. Apparently he thought he’d start watching whatever I watched so we could watch it together. He then continued to text me about his day.)

An Hour Later
Clingy Guy:
I can’t tell if you want to see me again or not
Myself: Dating? No. Friends? Sure! If that’s alright for you.
Clingy Guy: I know you’re not over your ex… Do you think you might be open to dating later on?
Clingy Guy: However long it takes for you to be ready.
Myself: That’s really not something I can predict. If I’m eventually able to have feelings for another person I didn’t get any vibes in that direction towards you.
Clingy Guy: I’d be quite happy to have you as a friend.
(Note: He then continued to question and criticize my previous relationship. I was of course uneasy about him answering about his comfort in a friendship alone after I’d expressed my lack of a romantic interest.)
Clingy Guy: My mom is an amazing cook and she just brought me a pot of homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs. More than one person can eat alone. What should I do???
Myself: Refrigerate the rest and bring it for lunch tomorrow.
Clingy Guy: You’re missing out lol
(Note: I believe we were up to him asking to see me after I declined 5 times in the same day.)

2nd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Want to hang out this evening or tomorrow?
Myself: Can’t. Tonight I’m going to a stand up comedy show. Tomorrow I’m going to the mall with a friend.
(Note: He then continued to ask details about my plans. At this point he was checking my dating website profile multiple times a day.)

3rd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Clingy Guy: I’ve been single since November too
Clingy Guy: Don’t you get lonely?
Clingy Guy: I miss having someone just to cuddle with and kiss. Isn’t that important to you too?
Myself: I can’t ignore people well, though it’s a method many use when they’re not interested in someone. Instead, I’m very honest. You seem to check in a lot/keep asking to see me and it comes off as kind of pushy/much. Also, I would be okay with being your friend if I felt like you weren’t just hoping for more to come of it, but it’s making me uncomfortable. I haven’t lied about being busy or my phone dying, but I am thinking we shouldn’t hang out again so soon. I find it a little weird you’re on my [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED] profile 2-3 times a day also. I hope you’re not the stalker-type as you live in my area, though I hadn’t gotten that feeling from meeting you –although you did ask a lot of specifics of when I went to work/how. If I met you randomly some place, we could be friends, but you don’t seem to be leaning that way. I don’t get the dating/cuddly/crush/etc. kind of feeling towards you at all. It’s not headed in that direction for me. If I am kissing or cuddling with anyone it would happen very, very slowly with someone who’s style isn’t rushing as yours seems to be. It might even take me a couple of years. Good luck on your dating search. Message some girls on [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED], you might have some luck. I’m sorry if I mislead you.
Clingy Guy: I can’t wait years. I need intimacy in my life.
Myself: We differ.
Clingy Guy: I understand and respect your decision.
(Note: He continued to give advice about my last relationship.)
Clingy Guy: I suppose any attempt of mine to change your mind would be disregarded as I have vested interest.
Clingy Guy: So whatever you choose to do, best of luck
Myself: Thanks.
Clingy Guy: And don’t worry I’m not going to stalk you lol

It’s a little creepy that he actually needed to tell me that last text. It’s been about three months and he messaged me on the dating website again the other night…

Clingy Guy: I see you’re still on here — I still haven’t found anyone special either. Want to hang out some time and maybe give it another shot?
Myself: Dating someone I met through here for three months
Clingy Guy: Oh congrats

I did leave out the part about how the guy I’d been dating and I stopped seeing each other three days before I received his message, but I’m starting to learn that some people just might need some small lies and half truths sometimes.
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