One of the worst things I’ve ever done in a relationship was when I was a mid-to-late-teen. I’d been with my boyfriend for some years and it was one of those situations where you haven’t really been in love before and you just assume this is it. At X-number of years old, I’m done. I’ve found the one. We’ll get married and have kids and never have to date anyone else again. This is as good as it gets. So no matter what you stick with it. You’ve never felt this way about another person and it doesn’t even matter what they do anymore. You’ve become so brain-washed into believing this person is the key to your entire romantic future, they could screw up and you’d just become frustrated rather than dump them. Needless to say we were on our way out of that relationship back then, but didn’t acknowledge it until a few years later.

One day we had one of our many, many arguments. I couldn’t tell you what it was about if my life depended on it because so much time has passed, but I’m going to assume it was something typical. He was late. He was always late. He’d keep me waiting 9 hours, dressed and ready for him to pick me up for our date, and I’d wait. I’d get in the car with 9 hours of build up anger, but I’d still go. His argument for not having great dates with me was that I was always so angry each day we’d spend time together. My argument for being so angry was dealing with him. But like I said we didn’t end it until some years after that.

So, I don’t know what I was angry with him about that day, but I was really angry. I was fuming. I don’t know what we were fighting about, but he was mad too. He was livid. Then I crossed some line. I still can’t remember what I said, but I pushed him passed some tipping point. He snapped and he spit at me. We had been walking along some street and I must have run ahead in anger to get away from him. When I turned around to face him again he spit in my face. He didn’t miss. And then I snapped. How do you retaliate to being spit in the face? Someone who you feel so deeply for they have the power to bring out the worst in you has spit in your face and you have half a second to react. I punched him in the face. It’s the one time in my life I’ve punched someone in the face. It’s the one time in my life I’ve really punched someone. Blood shone on his lip and in his teeth. We both stood there in some sort of shock. An immediate rush of guilt and sympathy ran through me. Suddenly I cared about his wellbeing again. Suddenly it didn’t matter he’d spit at me. The whole thing was ridiculous. I don’t remember the words, but I remember thinking “That was not okay. That was not okay to do. He’s going to think you’re a f*cking psycho. You’ve caused an abusive relationship. He’s bleeding. You made the person you love bleed!”

The walk back to his house was a lot more calm. The tone had shifted. The best story we could come up with to explain his mouth to his mother was “He fell.” As long as he said he fell she would know how clumsy he was and take it as the truth. The problem was no one falls on the side of their mouth without any other bruise to show for it. His mother looked at me immediately seeing through the lie. Then she gave him a “What did you do to her to cause her to do that?!” look. “What do you mean you fell?! How are you not more careful?! How did you fall?! You just fell!?” We went inside and after my hundredth apology we made up. That was one of the top worst things I’ve ever done in a relationship. What’s the worst thing you ever did?