bad date | Tired Of Dating

I basically went on a blind date tonight. A week or so ago a guy on a dating site asked me out after just a message or two were exchanged. I was in an odd and somewhat desperate mood, so with just one quick scroll over his profile, I’d agreed. I’d almost forgotten about it until he checked in today to see if we were still on. I guess I’d also been hoping someone better would have come along by now, but seeing as a date might be better than no date, I went. On the train there was a guy sitting across from me who I mentally labeled “movie star pretty.” He had gorgeous eyes I kept catching. I caught him watching me reapply my lipstick, but only wound up starring at the floor, laughing to myself at how bad I am at flirting and how impossible I find it to smile at a stranger. I thought about jotting down a quick compliment with my number and handing it to him as I’d step off the train. I’ve probably been dreaming about putting that plan into action for years, carrying a small scrap of paper and pen everywhere I’ve gone, but still have never had the guts to do it. I wonder what makes me so outgoing at some moments, yet shy away so quickly during others –alcohol excluded. We wound up getting off at the same stop and I unintentionally ended up following him for quite a while as we were headed in the same direction, which would have made for an awkward exit if I had gone the route of handing him a note. After convincing myself he had a girlfriend and would have blown me off or that he might have been gay, I pushed the image of him out of my mind to arrive at the bar I was meeting my date.

My date wasn’t unattractive, but he certainly wasn’t what I’d called “movie star pretty.” We ordered drinks and I pointed out oysters were on the happy hour menu, as if I hadn’t checked the menu before heading out. This wasn’t a date from hell or anything, but I was not impressed. I was almost bored and had this feeling that he was continuously putting me down, forcing me to defend myself. He just didn’t make me feel great about who I was, and seemed very concerned with social status. He constantly tried to stereotype me and fit me into a box to group me into the type of person I was as if everyone can be so easily labeled. At one point he actually said, “You’re not as weird as I thought you were going to be.” I asked if that was a good or a bad thing. He said he was a little disappointed. I was a little insulted. An hour in I wanted a second drink, but didn’t get to voice that because he instantly told the waitress that we’d just have the check and informed me he had dinner plans with a friend next. I assumed it was another date. To top it off as I gathered my belongings, he also let me know that he had differing views about something I’m very passionate about. We agreed there wasn’t enough time to discuss it and I headed home.

I figured I’d never hear from him again. Clearly we didn’t click. He didn’t leave me feeling very positively about myself, and I’d been turned off by quite a few things he’d said about himself. The train ride home I decided to think of it as nothing more than free oysters and a free drink. I texted my hook-up buddy after months of silence; Busy. Then I came home to a text from the date asking me out to dinner next week. I wanted to text back that we didn’t click, but I hesitated and first checked my dating site inbox. Empty. Or at least empty of anyone I saw as a potential date. Then I googled the restaurant he suggested. Another fancy place I probably couldn’t afford. I’d never really dated for the dinners and drinks. It’s really never been my thing. But considering how poorly things have been going in my dating life, I figure it’s something to consider in the new year. Back to something being better than nothing. If I meet someone more interesting, I can cancel. If I’m not in the mood or my conscience is bothering me, I can cancel. Or on Saturday night I can just look at the menu online and debate how hungry or in the mood I am for a fancy meal. Women do this all the time. This date barely let the check hit the table before scooping it up and announcing he’d pay. Why not give it a shot? I can end this after one meal, just two dates in, right? All of these questions are being triggered because I find something unsettling about this, but considering my current path hasn’t lead me anywhere great yet, perhaps some actions unlike myself couldn’t hurt? Don’t worry, I’m already picking out the slightly less expensive dishes from the menu so the side of guilt served is a little smaller.

I don’t really have anything new to report, so I’ll just tell you about two crappy dates I went on a few years ago…

After talking to a guy on a dating website for a while, we decided to meet. He was one of the first people I’d met from the creepy land of the internet, so I made sure we were in some open space with a lot of people. What I should have done was planned out what we were going to do a little better. Once we met, he suggested the movies and that’s something people do on a date, right? So, off we went, to the movies, on a first date. Not just a first date, the first time meeting in person. Why is this an awful idea? Well, unless you’re planning on just hooking up and don’t give a shit about getting to know them as a person, you’re really not going to accomplish much by silently sitting next to them for two hours, in a dark place, while you’re paying attention to something else. This thought did cross my mind, but what did I know back then. We walked to the nearest theater and guess what the only movie playing at that time was? A stupid horror movie neither of us had any interest in seeing. Oh, that’s even better. Now we’re going to be sitting together in the dark for two hours watching something we don’t even want to be paying attention to. But did I know how to back out of things back then? Of course not. So, into the theater we went. About ten seconds into the opening credits he pretty much just leaned over and shoved his tongue down my throat –At least I was smart enough to stand my ground when it went that far, so I put my hand on his chest and pushed him pretty hard, back down into his seat. “I don’t want to kiss you,” I said. He nodded and replied, “Okay.” “We’re just going to sit here and silently watch this awful movie instead,” I thought. –And we did. We didn’t acknowledge each other again throughout the entire movie. He probably felt like an ass that entire time. The movie was pretty much as bad as we anticipated it to be. –But I mean, I guess that was the theme of our date, anyway. I haven’t seen him since that day. Was that last sentence necessary?

The other crappy date I went on was only about a year ago. I really shouldn’t have gone on it. It was a bad idea before I even knew who the date was going to be with. My ex thought that I’d be more content about our recent breakup if I went on a date with someone new. So, under the recommendation of a guy I still had feelings for, I turned to a dating website. I logged in and decided to click on the profile of the first guy who came up on it. Did I take the time to exchange a few messages with him first? Of course not, I just needed to go out on a date with someone else, who I was sure I wouldn’t care about in the least –What did it matter who they were? Great plan, huh? The entire conversation pretty much went, “Hi want to meet?, Sure –How about this place and time?, Sounds good –Here’s my number & what’s yours?” This story ends up being a case of the deceiving profile picture. When we met I immediately knew I didn’t find him attractive at all. Now, I’m generally not a shallow person, but it’s pretty hard to be with someone romantically if you don’t have any physical attraction to them. I mean, someone can go from okay-looking to amazing as you get to know them (or get more unattractive if they turn out to have a crappy personality) because physical appearance isn’t everything in my opinion –But if they’re not even at that level in your eyes from the start, it’s going to be pretty tough. Now, by no means was he hideous –I guess I’ll just put it politely and say he wasn’t my type. I remember as I saw him standing in our meeting place a little voice saying, “Oh noooo!” was going through my head, but I thought I’d stick it out. So, we walked to a nearby bar/café kind of place. He got a beer and I got a grilled cheese. We started talking and he seemed like an okay guy, but I wasn’t feeling it. I kept thinking about how it was forced and wrong of me to be there. So, I blurted out that I didn’t want it to be a date. I told him that I had feelings for my ex and that I couldn’t be on a date at that moment. Whenever a guy seems nice I always think “why can’t we just be friends, though?” -but it never translates properly when you give them this proposal. The entire date couldn’t have lasted more than 30 minutes. When we asked for the check the waitress raised her eyebrows, “Oh, this thing here is already done, is it?” We paid for ourselves and headed our separate ways. Such a lame story. But I now I know I’ll never again meet someone without scrutinizing their pictures and exchanging a few more messages first.