third date | Tired Of Dating

I’ve been sitting on a few posts I was hesitating about making public before I knew where things would lead. Spoiler Alert: Things lead no where, so they’ll be appearing here over the next few days…
9/2/2016:
As my time with the short guy seems to have ended, I feel obligated to round off our story. I asked him to go on a day trip. I figured it wouldn’t matter who my company was, I’d hit two birds with one stone -a third date with him and a day at a festival I wanted to attend. It was one of those early morning events where we’d have to be on the road by 8am, and considering the distance between our apartments, we decided it made sense for him to spend the night at my place. In theory all of this should have been perfectly okay, but the reality of situation lead to disappointment. He had to work late and didn’t make it to my place until 10pm. I’m getting older and kind of lame, so I was tired, but tried to stay up like a good host -and date, only as we lay in my bed and he stroked my arm, it hit me that there was nothing between us. Pretty bad timing. He was nice, he wasn’t unattractive, there wasn’t really any reason for me to feel so uncomfortable around him, but I did. Maybe it was that we rushed into everything or maybe it was that our sense of humor didn’t quite align or maybe we just had too vast of differences in interests which had certainly shown through in our favorite movies and TV shows. I always thought having an interest in the same shows couldn’t be that big of a factor in a relationship, but I suppose it reveals more than enjoyment of the show itself. We weren’t entertained in the same way. I didn’t feel anything for him, ‘nor that I’d develop any feelings for him later. I wasn’t thinking about him when I wasn’t with him and I wasn’t looking forward to what could be with him. This shouldn’t continue. But it was close to midnight, we were leaving for a long car ride in the morning, followed by a full day together and I felt like it was a mistake. I couldn’t back out now; I’d feel too bad about making him travel all the way back home and then missing the festival I’d purchased tickets for. He’d gone out of his way to spend the night because he said “maybe we’d have some fun *winking face*” and now I wasn’t in the mood under the pressure of how perfectly fitting that would’ve made the situation. So, I rambled through most of my thoughts and we went to sleep.

The day was okay. It wasn’t horrible. It wasn’t great. It was just okay. I felt awkward spending time with him now that I knew we just didn’t have that connection between us. I calmed down with a drink for part of the day, but I wasn’t looking to replicate our second date, so when the buzz faded I went back to my discomfort. I thought about relationships I’d been in and how exciting it had felt to spend a day with them. I’d feel happy and light just being by their side. And then there was him. I looked at the people around us. He could have been any other passerby, but here I was with him and I began to feel lonely. Towards the end of the day I started the talk. What is this, what are we doing, why are you here with me today, are you enjoying this? We seemed to be on the same page in the sense that neither of us wanted to be in a relationship with the other, but that left me wondering if we should continue whatever we were doing. It’s usually by the third date I’ve made up my mind for sure, only I wished I hadn’t decided to make a day trip of it. So what was left? We could keep dating in this sort of open relationship, but it had been established that we didn’t really have a connection. We could turn it into a strictly sexual relationship, but I wasn’t that impressed by that aspect with him. He said that he enjoyed my company outside of our nights together, so I asked him how he felt about being friends. I guess it’s not easy to friend zone someone after they’ve been out of it. He said he’d rather not remove the sexual aspect of our friendship, to which I shook my head, “A few minutes ago I just asked you if you were looking for this to be strictly sexual and you said that you also enjoyed my company and that wasn’t what you were looking for. It’s okay to say that that’s what you wanted…” It’s hard to find people as straight forward and honest as I am. We headed back without talking much. I walked him to the door. He didn’t ask to kiss me this time. He laughed awkwardly, as if it was clear we weren’t going to be seeing each other again.

For two weeks neither of us checked in with the other…except for my drunk-text to him about how we should keep the option of hooking up open whenever I’m drunk and near his place. Yeah, apparently I said something like that –or maybe that is exactly how I phrased it. Happy hour turned a little more intense than I’d planned for last night and while he replied that we can try that, I’m mostly ignoring that a drunken version of myself suggested it.

I feel like I haven’t reached a third date in quite a while. Green Eyes and I have continued to text each other since our 19-hour second date. Every now and then I’ll give it a “playing hard to get” spacer day, and sometimes I think he does the same. Of course, neither of us are ignoring one another if the other initiates a text first. We don’t agree on everything, and he doesn’t share my exact sense of humor, but at the same time we seem to enjoy chatting with each other. It happened to be Valentines Day when I did make the mistake of letting him know this blog exists. I don’t usually mention it to many people –let alone someone I’ve written about- but I dropped in a quick mention of it’s existence when discussing how often I write. I’d hoped the conversation would continue glazing over that tidbit, but immediately he began to question if I’d written about him. One thing lead to another in the conversation, and he was feeling uncomfortable with the idea. I tried to explain that it wouldn’t be like I was out with him to document his every move, and suddenly I felt that the “IF” in his “if we meet up again” sounded a lot louder. I’m hoping he’ll let himself forget about it, as it hasn’t come up again. But then that night the conversation shifted towards another uncomfortable place when we discussed whether or not one would want to know the reason they’d been rejected. I’d had his “meh” kiss in mind during this, but it’s really more of an in-person discussion if it’s going to be had at all…

…But then the conversation got better…

…Then went a little downhill again…

…And then made another comeback!

I didn’t wind up seeing him that weekend and by the time this weekend rolled around I realized I was missing him and asked if he was free. “Probably tonight and maybe Sunday” meant he had a date Saturday. Since the second date I’ve been encouraging him to keep dating other women because I wanted to keep dating other people as well. I went with Friday night and suggested a bar. We grabbed a couch and had a couple of drinks. He got my first drink and I got my second. I recently watched this video and found the “I know a date’s going well when…” segment popped into my mind a couple of times: When we discussed how cold it was and I touched his hand, “Feel how cold my fingers are!” -And by the end of the night I noticed how close we were sitting together, legs against one another and his hand on my jeans.

We had a decent buzz, but it wasn’t like the overdrinking on the other date. It was fun. We told each other the jokes we’d say if either of us ever decided we had the guts to do stand-up comedy and talked about our oddest sexual encounters with others. At one point he wanted to show me something in his phone, looking down at the screen he kept saying to himself, “Missed call? Who called me? Why do I have a missed call? Who would call me now?!” I couldn’t help myself, “Probably the date you’re going on tomorrow night,” I teased. He said it wasn’t her. Yeah, I was right he had a date. That’s when it hit me, I was starting to get a little jealous and I don’t feel that way unless I like someone.

We walked to the train and hesitated about which train to get on –do we take our separate trains or were we sharing someone’s? “Uh, you’re not inviting me back to your place tonight are you?” he asked. “Well, like I was telling you before I have to wake up at 8am and…” He cut me off nodding and agreeing he already had known that wasn’t the deal that night, and said he’d just kiss me instead. We kissed and the “meh” kiss I was expecting disappeared. I pulled him back and kissed him again, and then once more. He kind of laughed. Then I headed to my train. We could still see each other across the platform. I put my glasses on so he wouldn’t be such a blur. I had this stupid smile and kind of twisted the toe of one of my boots around on the ground. I didn’t realize it was this embarrassed-flirty sort of movement I was doing until I noticed a woman smiling at me doing this as I watched the guy across the platform. His train arrived first and as he headed over to it I watched him, “He waved! He waved! Yes! He waved! Oh no he’s getting on the train now, quick wave back, did he see you wave back?!” I think I kinda sorta like him a bit.