Tindering

Thoughts I’ve Had Using Tinder:

★ It’s too easy to accidentally swipe right when you’re in the habit of viewing the rest of someone’s pictures and have a moment of panic that they might right-swipe you back.
★ It’s too easy to accidentally swipe left and suffer a moment of loss, as a chance to match is now impossible.
★ I want to meet you, not your dog, not your cat, and definitely not that meme you like. If you’re not in the picture, you’re not getting my right-swipe.
★ You might look great in group pictures, but if you’re not alone in any of your pictures, did you really think I’d go back and forth trying to narrow down which one you might be?
★ If you insist on having nothing but group pictures and everyone is attractive in every picture, I’ll probably swipe right. When we match I’ll panic realizing I still don’t know what you look like.
★ Why does your bio have your Instagram username? Did you think I was going to close Tinder, look for your Instagram, browse your pictures, then return to Tinder to decide if you’re a left or a right swipe?
★ I know you’re shy or thought it would be creative to hide your face in all of your pictures, but I don’t know what you’re doing on Tinder because you’re not making your case as to why you’re a right-swipe.
★ Why did you right-swipe me if you’re going to ignore my message?
★ Yes! -You’re only 5 miles away…386 miles away the next day? Oh, you were just on vacation.
★ Why are you showing me people of a gender which I have not asked you to show me?
★ Please don’t tell me “Tinderella” is going to be added to the dictionary.
★ “Humanitarians Of Tinder,” and “Tigers On Tinder” (Note: I personally haven’t seen one girl with a tiger on Tinder.)

tinder

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