Dating Website Conversation #18

Posted on November 5, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I have learned that no matter how long you spend on a dating website, no matter what you write on your profile, and no matter how socially acceptable it is to be on a dating website, you will never stop receiving messages from some guys who just want to sleep with you…

Random Guy: Hey you seem like you could be really awesome to hang out with and do more, you up for something “casual?” I don’t think casual needs much clarification.
Myself: Are you a complete stranger sending me an initial message asking if I would like to meet you to have sex with you, though my profile doesn’t specify I’m interested in anything like that? If not, please do specify “casual” with your little quotation marks…I mean did you go with that because “Hello, person I have not met before, I think it would be awesome to have sex with you and I was just wondering if you were up for it?” didn’t have a nice ring to it?
Random Guy: [WEBSITE LINK CENSORED]
Myself: Yeah, I’m not going to click a random link after the above conversation…
Random Guy: yeah well its about social conditioning. google it.
Myself: Meh, didn’t care enough to google it, sorry.
Myself: Oh and no thank you to the sex. Really? Do people not listing “looking for casual sex” on their profile go for that as an initial message? Well, good luck to you…

Sending Crazy Messages To Crazies

Posted on November 4, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Crazy Girl is back! Well, that’s what I’ve been calling her anyway. (I mention her sending me “interesting” messages in this post.) She just sort of starts off with these explicit kind of messages, and just sort of messages me “What did she just say?!” things that I feel the need to read to my friends. I haven’t actually posted any of our conversations because I haven’t yet decided that I want to share them, since we may actually meet. But, yes, after some weeks (months?) she has suddenly messaged me back again. Every time I read one of her messages I close the browser the moment I’m done, take a breath, and eventually reply to her a few hours later. I guess I’m not usually as open as she is until someone gets to know me. Of all the people I’ve been chatting with lately, she’s definitely the one I’m the most curious about meeting, though probably the least likely any real relationship would start up with. I’m pretty sure she is the person in her pictures but that some of her stories must be made up. So, she’s the one I call Crazy Girl. I’m sure someone will top it and become Psycho Girl one day…I hope that’s not what anyone calls me now? We all know there’s “good crazy” and “bad crazy” and I do my best to stay “good crazy.” I did also send out some humorous messages to some guys recently. I guess I didn’t feel like putting the effort in to get a reply and I just started out all funny/quirky. As I haven’t received any replies, I guess you really do need to make some sort of better first impression on the internet rather than giving someone the impression that you’re silly all the time. It’s not really fair that we assume someone is everything they say in an initial message, but I of course do the same, as I have no choice but to play along in the same game. By this one guy’s profile, he totally seemed like he would think I was just being amusing in my message and not “bad crazy,” but it went ignored so I guess he assumed I was some nuts cat lady. I know I could have crafted some great initial message, and I suppose I would have if I really wanted him to reply…But I’ve been feeling so jaded by all this dating (Surprised by the blog name?) and where’s the fun in it anymore?…

Myself: Hello,
Did it bother you that when you checked the “has cats” box on here, it stays plural even if you only have one cat? It bothered me a little, so I got a second cat. That’s not entirely true, I just wanted a second cat and one was available, but the thought “Now my dating profile will have a totally honest sentence in that section!” did cross my mind…
PS- I’m not a cat lady (probably.)

…Fine, he can ignore my message but I still think it’s hilarious.

Worst Thing I’ve Done

Posted on September 12, 2013 by TiredOfDating

One of the worst things I’ve ever done in a relationship was when I was a mid-to-late-teen. I’d been with my boyfriend for some years and it was one of those situations where you haven’t really been in love before and you just assume this is it. At X-number of years old, I’m done. I’ve found the one. We’ll get married and have kids and never have to date anyone else again. This is as good as it gets. So no matter what you stick with it. You’ve never felt this way about another person and it doesn’t even matter what they do anymore. You’ve become so brain-washed into believing this person is the key to your entire romantic future, they could screw up and you’d just become frustrated rather than dump them. Needless to say we were on our way out of that relationship back then, but didn’t acknowledge it until a few years later.

One day we had one of our many, many arguments. I couldn’t tell you what it was about if my life depended on it because so much time has passed, but I’m going to assume it was something typical. He was late. He was always late. He’d keep me waiting 9 hours, dressed and ready for him to pick me up for our date, and I’d wait. I’d get in the car with 9 hours of build up anger, but I’d still go. His argument for not having great dates with me was that I was always so angry each day we’d spend time together. My argument for being so angry was dealing with him. But like I said we didn’t end it until some years after that.

So, I don’t know what I was angry with him about that day, but I was really angry. I was fuming. I don’t know what we were fighting about, but he was mad too. He was livid. Then I crossed some line. I still can’t remember what I said, but I pushed him passed some tipping point. He snapped and he spit at me. We had been walking along some street and I must have run ahead in anger to get away from him. When I turned around to face him again he spit in my face. He didn’t miss. And then I snapped. How do you retaliate to being spit in the face? Someone who you feel so deeply for they have the power to bring out the worst in you has spit in your face and you have half a second to react. I punched him in the face. It’s the one time in my life I’ve punched someone in the face. It’s the one time in my life I’ve really punched someone. Blood shone on his lip and in his teeth. We both stood there in some sort of shock. An immediate rush of guilt and sympathy ran through me. Suddenly I cared about his wellbeing again. Suddenly it didn’t matter he’d spit at me. The whole thing was ridiculous. I don’t remember the words, but I remember thinking “That was not okay. That was not okay to do. He’s going to think you’re a f*cking psycho. You’ve caused an abusive relationship. He’s bleeding. You made the person you love bleed!”

The walk back to his house was a lot more calm. The tone had shifted. The best story we could come up with to explain his mouth to his mother was “He fell.” As long as he said he fell she would know how clumsy he was and take it as the truth. The problem was no one falls on the side of their mouth without any other bruise to show for it. His mother looked at me immediately seeing through the lie. Then she gave him a “What did you do to her to cause her to do that?!” look. “What do you mean you fell?! How are you not more careful?! How did you fall?! You just fell!?” We went inside and after my hundredth apology we made up. That was one of the top worst things I’ve ever done in a relationship. What’s the worst thing you ever did?

Where Does Love Go?

Posted on August 16, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I was in a four year relationship at the end of my teens. He was many of my firsts including my first serious relationship. We shared the typical memories couples share at that age. That funny time when… That time he was so sweet when… The time that we almost… Then there was that one time… The ups, the downs. The closeness. Every new experience shared. And the drama after the break-up. And then one day I woke up and decided I was done with every one of these memories and that part of my past. I hid away every drop of it. Everything and anything that had even the slightest resemblance to him I put in a box at the bottom of my closet. I convinced myself that we had never shared these days together. I trained myself to believe that I had never met him. At first it was difficult. Of course I knew we’d met, but after some practice I’d somehow convinced my brain that it had never happened. I’d force new thoughts into my mind whenever it would stray towards him. Eventually some sort of default setting took over where my conscious mind no longer experienced thoughts about him because every incoming thought would be immediately replaced with another. I had truly conditioned myself to believe he’d never been a part of my life. Over time it became easier and more natural. I’d really wiped my mind clean of every bit, right down to nearly every digit of his phone number. Think Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. I’d erased him. I couldn’t remember a single moment we’d ever spent together.

Some years later, when I was over him, all I was left with was this vague idea of once dating him with a complete blur of every detail. I opened the box. For the first time in probably about 5 years, I opened the box at the bottom of my closet with every love letter, photograph, ticket stub, shirt, charm, and trinket that related to him. Something eerie happened. I still had no recollection of any of the relationship. Here there was proof that I could hold in my hands, but it might as well have been someone else’s past. Paragraphs that he’d written, that I knew I had read each night years ago and had once felt a strong connection to each word, now held no relevance. Pictures of us at places I couldn’t remember being at. A Valentines’ Day card I just stared at, blankly. I knew I’d felt immensely strong feelings at one point which tied to all of these things. I knew I had once deeply cared about this person. I knew I had tears shed for him and I knew I hadn’t just invented the whole ordeal. Yet, I didn’t feel a single thing. I picked up his shirt and held it to my face. They say scent is a strong trigger for memory. Nothing. I looked at pictures of myself next to him, smiling, happy, I felt nothing. I read his words “You’re my first love and you always will be” scribbled across the paper and I felt nothing. All I could think about was how strange it was something that had once had such a tremendous hold over me could now not exist at all. Something that had clearly once meant the world to him, which he’d expressed through countless little notes, was nothing more than bits of ink on paper now. I sat there between crumbling dried roses, a broken drumstick, a bracelet, photo albums, CDs, greeting cards, handwritten letters, and wondered what happens to love after it’s gone. Such a powerful emotion must hold so much energy. Energy doesn’t just disappear. Where had it gone? How was it that something which was once present so vividly, with such strength, could no longer exist at all? Why was I able to acknowledge a feeling once existed so easily, yet not be able to feel it in the least. After years of work to forget every detail, for the first time I missed my memories.

A few days later, I wanted to confirm it. After years of cutting off all contact, hiding my eyes from all photographs, even preventing his name from passing through my lips and ears, I dialed his number from an old address book I’d kept. “Hi, this is um…[MY NAME CENSORED] -We dated about five years ago?”…“Of course I remember who you are!” We met for a drink. And still, nothing. I felt no difference towards him than I might’ve any other acquaintance I’d met long ago. There was no anger. No spark. I was not hurt. I did not care for him any more than any other fellow human being. We in fact hardly had anything in common at all. Except an entire four years together, that had now somehow ceased to exist, even within the past. The love that had once lived and clearly been expressed between us had vanished entirely. And I still wondered what had happened to it and where it had gone. In a silly and corny kind of way, I sometimes look at the stars and wonder if any energy related to any of the things I’d ever felt had somehow floated up, out, and away, and was now nestled some place in-between the vast emptiness, planets, and stars. Yes, maybe that’s where the love we’d created had gone. Maybe that’s where my memories were preserved. Meshed in with every other bit of energy that had ever escaped every other creature.

Progress Update

Posted on July 21, 2013 by TiredOfDating

This blog reached 100 likes today, with 50 followers, a slew of comments, and almost 4,000 views after it’s creation approximately one month ago without any advertising. –So, I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re enjoying this and thanks for making me feel like I’m sharing something worthwhile with you all! =)

As for other updates in my dating life…The guy I’ve decided is too young for me called me again yesterday. This time I answered. I really don’t know why I picked up beyond curiosity, but as soon as I did I knew the whole thing was just too silly. He didn’t sound very intelligent on the phone and as he suggested we hang out that night, I kept thinking “Hang out? Where do you hang out? You can’t even go anywhere that serves alcohol…I can’t go back to how much that sucked when I was a kid.” I think I’ve made up my mind not to answer any more of his calls. He might get the idea. I told him I’d let him know what I was doing that night and never got back to him.
Then I found a profile on the dating site that sounded perfect the other day. I couldn’t have asked for better sentences, opinions, or pictures. I thought, “18 miles away? so what I’ll make use of my car and we’ll make this work.” Unfortunately I sent a message before reading his entire profile, and would’ve written it a little better if I knew I was dealing with Mr. Perfect Profile. It’s the second time I had this feeling when scrolling through these profiles all these years. A profile that actually excited me. A guy who’d mastered the art of making himself sound completely perfect for me through an online profile. It’s like he’s me, but without all the parts about me I don’t like! -But it’s now the second time someone with a profile this great ignored my message, too. I’ve appropriately stalked his activity to figure out if I’m being ignored and I’m still sort of hoping he’s just been really busy, but I have a feeling it’s already over before it’s begun yet again. See, I sent the message three days ago. He’s logged in somewhere between three and four times since then and visited my profile twice. It’s kind of hard to make a final decision on being ignored yet, but it can’t be much longer now. I even considered sending a follow-up message, but soon decided if he was interested he’d have answered and knowing the reason he’s not isn’t really going help. Just because his profile might have been perfect to me, it doesn’t mean mine would’ve had to be perfect for him. Anyway, what a rude jerk he is for just ignoring me like that!…-And back to scrolling through the “matches” these sites throw at me…

Should The Guy Pay On A Date?

Posted on July 20, 2013 by TiredOfDating

We’ve all heard that when heterosexual couples go out on a date, the guy should pay. Though, I’m pretty sure this began before a lot of women’s rights acts. In this day and age it’s become more of a cliché –Yet still a common practice amongst many couples. Should the rule remain in our society today? Homosexual couples don’t seem to be any more confused than heterosexuals in the dating game, but I suppose it’s a habit we’ve yet been able to break. For the longest time I’ve always said that I couldn’t care less about how much money the guy I’m dating made. It mattered much more who they were as a person, and how we felt about each other. As long as we could go out once in a while and neither of us were struggling financially in a way that effected our relationship, I always felt their income shouldn’t be of a concern to me. I always said that I didn’t care if the guy treated me to dinner or not. For the most part, I still stand by this, but I’ve noticed I might care about all of this a little more than I thought. I’ve dated the unemployed and the six-figure income guys and the happiness of our relationship or reason for it’s end never varied much. (Although, some of those relationships were when I was a lot younger and probably in part while I was still living with my parents.) But, I recently dated a guy for a few months and I knew he didn’t have an incredibly high income or much extra money floating around to play with. He paid for my dinner and drinks the first few times we went out, and then we began to split the bill. I’d been an advocate of how fair this was and thought that I had no problem with this. But, after some time, I found myself complaining that he never paid for anything for me. This wasn’t even true because he still purchased some of my drinks, or occasionally covered larger portions of the bill –But I caught myself complaining to him anyway.

So what was it? Did I feel insulted? Was it that it’s somehow ingrained into me that the social norm on a date is being taken out by the guy, who covers all the costs? Was I just feeling like being cheap? And so, should we try to completely drop this rule? Is it possible to drop? Should we replace it with a new rule? I thought I was the one who wanted to do away with the rules and games of dating. It makes sense that whoever suggests the place/activity, should cover the cost of it –But will it ever be a common norm that the girl pays for the guy? Should the norm for everything be to always be split? Should the guy pay at the beginning and then everyone for themselves? Again, why should it be the guy, then? Should we base it off of who has a higher income? Yes, many studies show that men are still paid more than women on average –But of course this isn’t the case in every situation. Should we base it off of who has less bills to pay? Should a girl take it as an insult if a guy doesn’t want to pay for her? I guess it’s the type of thing that will continue to be a judgment call and unique to each relationship. If I can state I believe one thing, know it makes sense in my head, but still be bothered by not being treated once in a while, how is anyone else supposed to know how to go about it anyway?!

I suppose I’ll continue my trend of watching the waitress place the check on the table, reaching for my wallet, asking how much I owe as the guy turns it over, hope for the “I got it” reply, ask “are you sure?”, if confirmed, thank them, and if not pay my portion, while secretly being a little bit disappointed. It’s become such a routine, I’ve sometimes found myself actually asking my date, “Did you want me to do the fake wallet-grab to be polite or should I just ask if you just going to pay for it?” I think it’s coded into my genetic make-up at this point to initially assume the odds of the guy paying for me are pretty high.

(I didn’t create this, but it was fitting for this post.)

Crappy Dates From The Internet

Posted on July 18, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I don’t really have anything new to report, so I’ll just tell you about two crappy dates I went on a few years ago…

After talking to a guy on a dating website for a while, we decided to meet. He was one of the first people I’d met from the creepy land of the internet, so I made sure we were in some open space with a lot of people. What I should have done was planned out what we were going to do a little better. Once we met, he suggested the movies and that’s something people do on a date, right? So, off we went, to the movies, on a first date. Not just a first date, the first time meeting in person. Why is this an awful idea? Well, unless you’re planning on just hooking up and don’t give a shit about getting to know them as a person, you’re really not going to accomplish much by silently sitting next to them for two hours, in a dark place, while you’re paying attention to something else. This thought did cross my mind, but what did I know back then. We walked to the nearest theater and guess what the only movie playing at that time was? A stupid horror movie neither of us had any interest in seeing. Oh, that’s even better. Now we’re going to be sitting together in the dark for two hours watching something we don’t even want to be paying attention to. But did I know how to back out of things back then? Of course not. So, into the theater we went. About ten seconds into the opening credits he pretty much just leaned over and shoved his tongue down my throat –At least I was smart enough to stand my ground when it went that far, so I put my hand on his chest and pushed him pretty hard, back down into his seat. “I don’t want to kiss you,” I said. He nodded and replied, “Okay.” “We’re just going to sit here and silently watch this awful movie instead,” I thought. –And we did. We didn’t acknowledge each other again throughout the entire movie. He probably felt like an ass that entire time. The movie was pretty much as bad as we anticipated it to be. –But I mean, I guess that was the theme of our date, anyway. I haven’t seen him since that day. Was that last sentence necessary?

The other crappy date I went on was only about a year ago. I really shouldn’t have gone on it. It was a bad idea before I even knew who the date was going to be with. My ex thought that I’d be more content about our recent breakup if I went on a date with someone new. So, under the recommendation of a guy I still had feelings for, I turned to a dating website. I logged in and decided to click on the profile of the first guy who came up on it. Did I take the time to exchange a few messages with him first? Of course not, I just needed to go out on a date with someone else, who I was sure I wouldn’t care about in the least –What did it matter who they were? Great plan, huh? The entire conversation pretty much went, “Hi want to meet?, Sure –How about this place and time?, Sounds good –Here’s my number & what’s yours?” This story ends up being a case of the deceiving profile picture. When we met I immediately knew I didn’t find him attractive at all. Now, I’m generally not a shallow person, but it’s pretty hard to be with someone romantically if you don’t have any physical attraction to them. I mean, someone can go from okay-looking to amazing as you get to know them (or get more unattractive if they turn out to have a crappy personality) because physical appearance isn’t everything in my opinion –But if they’re not even at that level in your eyes from the start, it’s going to be pretty tough. Now, by no means was he hideous –I guess I’ll just put it politely and say he wasn’t my type. I remember as I saw him standing in our meeting place a little voice saying, “Oh noooo!” was going through my head, but I thought I’d stick it out. So, we walked to a nearby bar/café kind of place. He got a beer and I got a grilled cheese. We started talking and he seemed like an okay guy, but I wasn’t feeling it. I kept thinking about how it was forced and wrong of me to be there. So, I blurted out that I didn’t want it to be a date. I told him that I had feelings for my ex and that I couldn’t be on a date at that moment. Whenever a guy seems nice I always think “why can’t we just be friends, though?” -but it never translates properly when you give them this proposal. The entire date couldn’t have lasted more than 30 minutes. When we asked for the check the waitress raised her eyebrows, “Oh, this thing here is already done, is it?” We paid for ourselves and headed our separate ways. Such a lame story. But I now I know I’ll never again meet someone without scrutinizing their pictures and exchanging a few more messages first.

(*There are)

Break-Ups

Posted on July 14, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I’ve been wondering if there is a “right” way to break up with someone. I’d say it should be done in person because if you’re going to hurt someone, you should have the balls to look them in the eye when you do it. But timing, reason given, and how you put it really has to be considered as well. Then there’s that whole mess of the aftermath and how that’s dealt with. Though, with all of that considered, and all of the times I’ve been broken up with, I still can’t think back at any one of those situations and find a “favorite.” Nope, there isn’t really one I can say, “Oh yeah I preferred that one to the others” about. That’s just like trying to pick your favorite STD. (No, I don’t have any of those.) I guess sometimes it was done a little more poorly, though. Let’s go over them! I think it’s obvious how each could have been done “better.” Maybe you’ll be able to plan out your next dumping a little better after making note of my past…

Time Spent Dating: 1 Month / Age: Early Teens
He instant messaged me to tell me that he was now busy on the only day of the week we had been seeing each other. When I asked about seeing him a different day of the week, he said he was busy then too. Valentine’s Day was about a week away.

Time Spent Dating: 1 Month / Age: Mid-Teens
During an instant message conversation I misspelled a common word. He broke up with me over that in the instant messages. He then told a bunch of people at his school (who I was also friends with) that he had never felt happier to be rid of me. He said it was like the feeling you get when you get a new puppy.

Time Spent Dating: 4 Years / Age: Late-Teens
He did it in yet another instant message conversation after showing interest in someone he’d previously sworn he had no interest in. Though, there were some in-person follow up discussions I initiated, seeing that we were together for so long.

Time Spent Dating: 6 Months (Long Distance) / Age: Early 20’s
He did it in person, after an argument over my indecision in a trivial decision, as I was about to start my 5 hour trip home.

Time Spent Dating: 1 Year / Age: 20’s
He did it in person over a difference of beliefs/lifestyle and personality type. It was after some smiley-face looking forward to seeing you texts. He stayed close for a while, in attempt to help me move on.

Time Spent Dating: A Couple Weeks / Age: 20’s
He sent me a text message after I sent him one asking why he’d been speaking to me less. It was sort of a mutual agreement, he wanted a casual relationship that I didn’t think I was ready for. Though, I hadn’t really set out to end things.

Time Spent Dating: 3 Months / Age: 20’s
He did it in person because we weren’t right for each other and he didn’t think he had time for a relationship -which he didn’t think it was headed for either. He told me this down a random street before we were going to grab some drinks with his friends. –This was right after we had just seen a show together, which was also after just meeting my best friend.

Then there were the three guys I went out with a couple of times who decided to just ignore me out of the blue, and I never heard from them again. The last thing I heard from one of them was “Looking forward to seeing you Tuesday!” in a text before he disappeared off the face of the planet. I suppose that method is worst. You have to spend some time clueless about what’s going on, worried you’re going to sound like you’re checking in too much as you try to figure it out, and eventually feel like a fool for trying. There’s never any closure in that and you never figure out what the hell went wrong…

Rejecting Your Rejection

Posted on July 14, 2013 by TiredOfDating

About a week ago I got a message from a guy on a dating site which really wasn’t a bad message. He sent me a well written paragraph about what he felt we had in common, things he found interesting on my profile, and some things he liked. I didn’t have time to reply when I read it, and later went to his profile and found that I really wasn’t interested after all. A couple of days went by and he wrote back…

Random Guy: Now i know why u girls dont respond, because you get nasty rants if you say ur not interested. I’ll tell u what. Lol you would do the same thing (rant) if u send out 50+ with 2 replies. Lol and 1 was a HS friend so that doesnt count. I just dont get it. I’m not sending msgs to models and I dont think my msgs are creepy or anything. What gives? I hope u have some dates lined up and not just declining everyone because u find one thing wrong and ur looking for mr. Perfect. Anyway, thats my rants for the day. I offically quit. Good luck =)
Myself: Actually, I reply to nearly all of the messages I get on here, even when I’m not interested…However, I only do it about once a week. I’m currently dating someone I just met from here, so I’m not interested in meeting anyone new at this time.
And FYI, 95% of the messages I send out don’t get replies. Don’t let it get to you so much.
Random Guy: Lol, I have like a billion things to say to that but its just going to come across all negative so I’ll spare us both and say…..Thanks =)

His first message now sounds like it came from someone else entirely. He thinks the girls on these sites aren’t as attractive as models and therefore we should respond? I’m happy I didn’t respond now that I saw what a jerk he turned into a moment later. -And what is with saying he had “like a billion of things” to say to my reply that would have been negative?! Yeah, I could come up with a bunch of random insults too, but I didn’t need to make him aware of that.

I replied to this message before going on my second date with intellectual-conversation-guy which I figured I’d mention is not happening again. I made up my mind that the dating vibe wasn’t there, but he was a nice guy so I made a sincere attempt at asking for friendship with him. I know, I know it’s such a line to say “let’s just be friends” but seeing that we’d only met each other twice, had had such long conversations, and got along with each other, I thought it’d be weird to just never speak again. But he wasn’t interested in my proposal and then actually tried to turn it around like he was the one rejecting me. I got some sort of apology and we’re not right for each other reply. Hey, you can’t try to reject me after I’ve already turned you down, it doesn’t work that way! After his last text, “Glad we can both be mature about this” I was even further assured I had no interest in him and suppose I’ll have to start the dating cycle from the beginning yet again. At least this time I didn’t get very far into it before returning to the start. I want someone fun again this time. Geez, I’m upsetting guys left and right lately.

Approached By More Strangers (Part 2)

Posted on July 9, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I mentioned that yesterday I was approached by two guys while waiting for a date. Here’s the rest of the story…

After a little more waiting I noticed the first guy was still around the area. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to my date to exchange numbers with someone else, but what if this date didn’t work out? What if I didn’t see him again after that night? What if I’d like this other guy more? Okay, so he was attractive and maybe looked a little more adventurous and fun than my date seemed to be. Maybe it was the pretty blue eyes, the tattoos, and skateboard that called to the inner teen in me. And maybe I’ve been on a more adventurous and fun streak than the settle down with the right kind of guy route this last month or so. I’ve been starting to realize I’m no longer quite in the mood to find the completely “right” guy. I write here about the wrong ones and my disappointment in serious dating, but maybe I don’t exactly want something so serious anymore? I was all set to settle down when my last real relationship ended, and although that was disappointing, maybe it’s not what I want with my next relationship. The “right” guy can be fun, and a fun guy isn’t necessarily the “wrong” guy, but there’s a different tone in a relationship when you’re with someone just because it’s fun. The last guy I dated wasn’t right for me. We both knew that. But maybe I didn’t want it to end, not because I’d be single and have to search for a new date –But because it was fun? Maybe I do just want to be with someone fun right now. –So, I walked back over to the first guy…

Myself: So, who are you waiting for?
Random Guy1: No one.
Myself: Well, why don’t you give me your number in case this date doesn’t work out. It’s only a second date anyway.
Random Guy1: Sure. [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: [I saved the number in my phone.]
Random Guy1: I’m [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
Myself: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Random Guy1: I used to work for them! [He pointed to the brand name on my shoes.]
Myself: Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to go wait over there.
Random Guy1: Are you sure he’s coming?
Myself: Yes, I think he is.
Random Guy1: Alright, well if he doesn’t, call me.
Myself: Okay.

I went on my date with intellectual-conversation-guy and the I-want-to-date-this-guy vibe just wasn’t there. We wrapped it up early, I chipped in for dinner and headed home. I don’t have anything negative to report other than I wasn’t excited about the prospect of him in my love life. I’m also not positive, but I think the guy I’d exchanged numbers with was in the same restaurant as us, eating alone. It was a little creepy because I wasn’t sure if he’d followed me, it was a coincidence, or it wasn’t him at all. I texted the random guy from earlier after my date, anyway. Turns out I have a few more years on him than I’d assumed/hoped. I guess that’s what stirred my inner-teenage-drive? Not sure it’s a great idea to pursue a guy who may be legal, but who can’t legally buy you a drink. …Or maybe this is just where I get some early practice at being a cougar in the future? That’s the problem with looking younger than you are –Guys either assume you’re 14 and ignore you, or else 14 is actually a lot closer to their age than yours. I can’t wait until this is the good thing they’ve been telling me about once I hit 30 or 40.

Approached By More Strangers (Part 1)

Posted on July 8, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So, tonight I was waiting out in public again -this time I was a little early for a second date with intellectual-conversation-guy. I was approached by two different guys in my 10 minute wait…

Random Guy1: Are you waiting for someone?
Myself: Yeah. Aren’t most people standing around over here?
Random Guy1: [He shrugged] So is it a date, who you’re waiting for?
Myself: Yeah, a second date.
Random Guy1: Oh, so what are you guys going to do?
Myself: Dinner.
Random Guy1: I see, well have a nice night then. I hope it goes well.
Myself: Thanks.
[I guess he was hoping I was waiting around for just a friend…]

Random Guy2: High five! [He held up his hand.]
Myself: Why? [I gave him a high five.]
Random Guy2: Because they’re awesome and you look like someone who I’d really like to high five.
Myself: Alright then?
Random Guy2: Yeah!
Myself: Okay?
Random Guy2: So, are you waiting for someone you’re meeting here?
Myself: A date.
Random Guy2: Oh, so why do you look a little uneasy or sort of nervous?
Myself: Oh, well it’s a second date. I don’t really know him yet.
Random Guy2: Ohh, I see. Well, good luck with that and you should give him a high five when you see him.
Myself: Okay, thanks.
[Well, that’s one way to approach someone new…]

Who knew dating sites and bars were this unnecessary when all of this time I could just stand around a public place and wait for guys to approach me?…

(Find Part 2 Of This Story In The Next Post…)

Tired Of Dating Guy & Bad Timing

Posted on July 2, 2013 by TiredOfDating

A few months ago I met a guy at a party. We were in the middle of a good conversation as the party was winding down, so we headed to over my place. We continued talking throughout the night until we passed out around 7am. “Talking” wasn’t code name for anything -Nothing happened. When I woke up he was gone. There was no note, nothing left behind. It was the strangest feeling, like a one night stand (which I’ve never had anyway) -but without the sex- possibly making it even more depressing. Thanks to technology, I found him on the internet shortly after. He seemed interested in seeing me again. A few days later I invited him to a comedy show and got, “Sorry, I just met someone and we really hit it off, so I’m not interested in dating anyone else at this time.” I’d missed my opportunity in just a few days? Whatever happened to “you should wait a few days before calling after a first date?” Are you supposed to follow the damn rules or not? (Typically, I don’t.) It’d been a decent chunk of months since that day, so I decided to check in with him the other night and see if he wanted to hang out. Now, I found his blunt honesty pretty attractive, however it no longer seemed we were interested in the same thing. In just those few months he’d gone from searching for a date to searching just for sex. I know “all guys want sex” and all of that, but don’t we all sort of grow out of that “Woo, let’s just hook up!” phase by our early twenties or so? Maybe not. Either way, the timing was all off in yet another episode in the world of dating, and I will continue to be tired of the whole damn thing. I guess that’s just how dating leaves people after a while –you settle, give up, or just end up looking for sex. Here is a little (somewhat cut-down version) of the actual conversation…

Myself: hi, wanna hang out ever?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Lol sure, can I ask if the extracurricular activities that might have been on the table the first time we hung out still on the table (maybe)?
Myself: I don’t think I understand your question??
Tired Of Dating Guy: [There’s an elaboration on making out/etc. here…] I trying to refer to that in the least sleazy way and now it still sounds sleazy
Myself: Ohh…Well that’s kind of awkward to discuss? I mean, I don’t know I am single or whatever [Elaboration on being single…]…So if you ever saw me you’d just be interested in like hooking up, though?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Yeah it is awkward but I’ve been in a funk and frankly I put more weight in honestly. [Elaboration on me being single…] And no I’m cool with just hanging out but let’s be honest I’m a guy, we always think about hooking up.
[I love that he lumps himself into such a stereotyped category of guys.]
Tired Of Dating Guy: My apologies if that’s too blunt
Myself: I’m good with the honesty. [I continue to explain what I’m looking for…] I guess you’d have sounded like too much of an asshole if you just went with “Well yeah, I have no interest in seeing you except to hook up with you in some way…”
[We go on discussing what he’s looking for…]
Tired Of Dating Guy: And yes the past 4 months or so I’ve gone through some short periods of seeing someone and none of the situations panned out so I took a step back and at this point if any situation came up for me I’d prefer a more casual or no strings type of thing
[The rest of the conversation is sort of me just speaking through a long sigh as he tells me it’s all he’s looking for now.]

Date With Clingy Guy

Posted on June 18, 2013 by TiredOfDating

A few months ago I started chatting with guy from an online dating site, who would soon be moving to my area. In fact, he was moving into a building just a couple of blocks away from where I live. We met the day after he moved in. We took a walk and I showed him around the neighborhood. -But let me explain what happened about 5 minutes before that. I went with my “your life is not being threatened” vibe and went up to his apartment with him. I was still in my “this is really uncomfortable” phase. We’d only met about 10 minutes earlier. We sat on his couch and talked for about 20 or 30 minutes. He asked me if I wanted to move closer to him. I replied with “I’m good here.” A few minutes later he moved closer to me anyway. I stood up and suggested we go for a walk. As I stood by his front door he hugged me and gave me the obvious “I’m about to kiss you” look. I did the only thing that came naturally to me to do, and that was to clearly express exactly how I felt. I spit out a robotic, “I’m very uncomfortable right now.” He let go. I blurted out that I wasn’t over my ex. He said he didn’t know that. On our walk he asked a lot of questions about my commute to work, how long it took me to get there and address of my job. I did my best not to revel a lot of this. After an hour of walking with him I said I was going to head home. He asked if I would see him the next day. I declined. Before I knew how clingy he was, I was considering a friendship and nothing more. Then the following text message conversations occurred…

Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Do you think you’ll feel up to hanging out tonight?
Clingy Guy: There’s a movie I want to see Olympus Has Fallen. Interested?
Myself: Nah, I’m def. going to bed when I get home.
Clingy Guy: Room for one more?
Myself: Haha no, there are already 2 more, my cats.
Clingy Guy: I want to meet them one day!
Clingy Guy: Do you watch The Walking Dead?
Myself: I don’t
Clingy Guy: Oh it’s really good. I taped it last night and I can’t wait to watch it when I get home.
Myself: Not my taste in shows.
Clingy Guy: I could get into Star Trek. I like sci fi.
(Note: I had mentioned I watched an episode of Star Trek the day before. Apparently he thought he’d start watching whatever I watched so we could watch it together. He then continued to text me about his day.)

An Hour Later
Clingy Guy: I can’t tell if you want to see me again or not
Myself: Dating? No. Friends? Sure! If that’s alright for you.
Clingy Guy: I know you’re not over your ex… Do you think you might be open to dating later on?
Clingy Guy: However long it takes for you to be ready.
Myself: That’s really not something I can predict. If I’m eventually able to have feelings for another person I didn’t get any vibes in that direction towards you.
Clingy Guy: I’d be quite happy to have you as a friend.
(Note: He then continued to question and criticize my previous relationship. I was of course uneasy about him answering about his comfort in a friendship alone after I’d expressed my lack of a romantic interest.)
Clingy Guy: My mom is an amazing cook and she just brought me a pot of homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs. More than one person can eat alone. What should I do???
Myself: Refrigerate the rest and bring it for lunch tomorrow.
Clingy Guy: You’re missing out lol
(Note: I believe we were up to him asking to see me after I declined 5 times in the same day.)

2^nd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: Want to hang out this evening or tomorrow?
Myself: Can’t. Tonight I’m going to a stand up comedy show. Tomorrow I’m going to the mall with a friend.
(Note: He then continued to ask details about my plans. At this point he was checking my dating website profile multiple times a day.)

3^rd Day After We Met
Clingy Guy: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Clingy Guy: I’ve been single since November too
Clingy Guy: Don’t you get lonely?
Clingy Guy: I miss having someone just to cuddle with and kiss. Isn’t that important to you too?
Myself: I can’t ignore people well, though it’s a method many use when they’re not interested in someone. Instead, I’m very honest. You seem to check in a lot/keep asking to see me and it comes off as kind of pushy/much. Also, I would be okay with being your friend if I felt like you weren’t just hoping for more to come of it, but it’s making me uncomfortable. I haven’t lied about being busy or my phone dying, but I am thinking we shouldn’t hang out again so soon. I find it a little weird you’re on my [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED] profile 2-3 times a day also. I hope you’re not the stalker-type as you live in my area, though I hadn’t gotten that feeling from meeting you –although you did ask a lot of specifics of when I went to work/how. If I met you randomly some place, we could be friends, but you don’t seem to be leaning that way. I don’t get the dating/cuddly/crush/etc. kind of feeling towards you at all. It’s not headed in that direction for me. If I am kissing or cuddling with anyone it would happen very, very slowly with someone who’s style isn’t rushing as yours seems to be. It might even take me a couple of years. Good luck on your dating search. Message some girls on [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED], you might have some luck. I’m sorry if I mislead you.
Clingy Guy: I can’t wait years. I need intimacy in my life.
Myself: We differ.
Clingy Guy: I understand and respect your decision.
(Note: He continued to give advice about my last relationship.)
Clingy Guy: I suppose any attempt of mine to change your mind would be disregarded as I have vested interest.
Clingy Guy: So whatever you choose to do, best of luck
Myself: Thanks.
Clingy Guy: And don’t worry I’m not going to stalk you lol

It’s a little creepy that he actually needed to tell me that last text. It’s been about three months and he messaged me on the dating website again the other night…

Clingy Guy: I see you’re still on here — I still haven’t found anyone special either. Want to hang out some time and maybe give it another shot?
Myself: Dating someone I met through here for three months
Clingy Guy: Oh congrats

I did leave out the part about how the guy I’d been dating and I stopped seeing each other three days before I received his message, but I’m starting to learn that some people just might need some small lies and half truths sometimes.