Dating Website Conversation #22

This conversation occurred on one of the dating sites about a week ago…

Random Guy: Well based on your television and comedians list we have basically the same sense of humor. Louis CK is amazing.
Also, I’d love to see more mermaid pics of you.
[I’m in a costume in one of my profile pictures.]
Myself: Louis Ck’s great.
Yeah, whenever people mention that picture I find it kind of creepy…Like more of my skin is showing in it than in my other pictures…Or were you actually interested in the entire costume which can’t even be seen in the picture? I actually spent about 12 hours making the costume. It was my first time sewing -it’s actually made of 2 or 3 scarves I got at a 99 cents store. But no one would know that from the picture.
Random Guy: Aw, I’m sorry if that was creepy. It’s not that more of your skin was showing, it’s that I’m really into animal girl costumes – mermaid fins, cat ears, wings, tails, etc. (of course that might be a creepy thing to say as well, pretty bad first impression)
Myself: uhh, yeah that’s definitely creepier.
Random Guy: Oh well, sorry I brought it up then.
So, any interest in getting coffee with me sometime?
Myself: meh…probably not really.
Random Guy: Understandable. Thanks for responding even after I was weird, good luck on here.
Myself: eh, that wasn’t so bad. I think everyone’s weird and weird is better, but you can’t start off with that initially because it signals the bad kind of weird, you know…But I make that mistake a lot, which is why I don’t mind so much.
It’s mostly that you’re a little younger than I’d prefer to date men.
Myself: Good luck to you too.

 

Bar Hopping After Midnight

Maybe it’s more of something introverts relate to, but the other night I went out with some friends, and after a couple of hours and drinks I was done socializing and ready to head home. However, my friends weren’t. I enjoy going out, I enjoy an occasional drink or two, and I enjoy socializing, but I enjoy it in a much smaller dose than most of friends. They don’t seem to understand this. So, I wound up getting pressured to stay out past that perfect time to leave while I’m still content, and spent the last half of my night at a miserable decline. Sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning they decided we needed to hit yet another bar to play beer pong. Some of my friends are a few years younger than me, and these are the nights where I really feel the age difference. For most people I know, “Let’s party all night, every weekend!” ends after your early twenties and the goal becomes to just catch a buzz, rather than wind up wasted. I got called a “party pooper” and so because somehow in their eyes it’s better I stay out in a bad mood than go home content…and the pressure of “I’m going to leave with you so I don’t go home alone, but I just want to do this one other thing first…” the whole night, kept me out. So, around 1am or 2am we wind up getting to a bar that I feel like only college kids go to and I’d been forced into super-bitch-mode, wanting nothing more than to head home, and fantasizing about sleeping in my bed alone. Sitting alone on a barstool, watching my friends wrap up their game of beer pong was of course when everyone began to hit on me while I was in bitch-mode…

(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Hi, I don’t usually do this but…but…I…I just wanted to tell you that if you were a natural disaster you would be global warming.”
Myself: “Oh. Yeah, ha. Well, thank you but I’m not really interested in meeting anyone right now.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Well, I just wanted to talk…”
Myself: “Yeah I know, but you know, just this whole scene and everything. I’m really, really tired and I’m waiting for my friends to finish this game of beer pong so I can go home.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “I know but I just think you’re…”
Myself: “No really, thank you. I just, I’m really tired, sorry. I really don’t want to do any of this dating, talking, meeting people, any of this stuff…”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “But I just wanted to chat and…”
Myself: “I know, thank you. I just…Sorry. I hope you find someone to talk to tonight!”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: *Walks Away*

(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Hey, you look cold.”
Myself: “Oh um, yeah I am pretty cold actually, but I’m just waiting for my friends to finish their game so I can go home.”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Oh, well, I just thought you looked cold and so I thought I would mention it and um…”
Myself: “Yeah, I am cold, but I’m really tired and not really interested in meeting anyone right now…And you know people like keep coming up to me to talk to me…”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Well uh, I’ll just save you the trouble then and I won’t be one of those people, and I’ll stop now…”
Myself: “Okay, thanks!”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: *Walks away*

(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Hey, what’s your name?”
Myself: “Oh we’re talking now?”
[How f*cking bitchy is that?! I was so done with that night, hours ago! He was probably the one I was the meanest to]
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhh I guess…”
Myself: “Yeah um…I just really don’t want to do this. I’m really tired, I’m waiting for my friends to finish their game so we can leave and I really feel like this is an early 20’s bar.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Oh…Well…”
Myself: “Well –How old are you?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Er…Old enough…”
Myself: “Yeah, early 20’s, you see. All of you just want to meet and f*ck, meet and f*ck and I mean that can be fun for some time, but you just grow out of it. I’m really over that phase.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Well, but it’s fun…”
Myself: “Yeah, I know I mean that’s cool, it is for a while, just not anymore for me. You’re from [STATE CENSORED]?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Yeah”
Myself: “Yeah, well I’m just kind of tired of dating and meeting people and hooking up at bars and all…And I’m tired of guys too, so now I’m also interested in girls.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhhh…Like hooking up with girls?”
Myself: “Well, you know, dating them, possible relationships…”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “You like girls” *nods head*
Myself: “Well, I’ve always dated guys but-”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: *Walks away while I’m mid-sentence and whispers something quickly to his group of friends, pretty sure along the lines of me not being interested in guys*
Myself: *laughing*
[
At least by saying it that way he didn’t take it personally…]

So, I’m not really sure how into dating I am right now based on my “push all guys away” mode. I keep thinking about what if I had had a different sort of conversation with the cute guy earlier in the night, but at the same time I’m pretty okay with not having met anyone that night. I guess I’m torn between the idea of staying single, being in a relationship, and the dating crap that’s necessary to get there.

100th Post

Welcome to my 100th post! I wanted to make my 100th post something special. I wanted to have some great and relevant post for the 100th. Maybe it would be about some date I went on that was a real turning point. Maybe it would be some really wise words I’d come up with, deeming this entire blog irrelevant. But then I remembered this is a dating blog. It should stay relevant to what dating is like. You don’t get to choose exactly when you meet the right person. Dates don’t always run smoothly. You don’t get to craft out the perfect night with someone and then partake in it just as you planned. Perfect moments aren’t the moments that you plan out. The days when you’d least expect meeting someone memorable and spur of the moment nights are the heart of dating and relationships. So, this post won’t be the greatest I’d written. It won’t be about the greatest date I’ve gone on. It won’t be anything more than the 100th post. The last post I make when this blog is no longer necessary will probably be some odd number, on some random day that would have otherwise seemed like nothing out of the ordinary. This is the post for everyone who got dumped on Valentines Day, on their anniversary, on their birthday, or another day which was “supposed” to be great. This is the post for those who found themselves alone on New Years Eve. This is the post for the perfectly planned single girls night out, with the girl that showed up with her boyfriend. This is the post for your rained-out outdoor-themed date. This is the post for all of us who are tired of dating. This is the post that gives the hope of meeting the right person on that entirely mundane day coming up on __/__/20__…

Dating Blog Recap

For those of you just tuning in, I thought I’d do a recap in case my dating life picks up again. (Just being hopeful, you know.) I was tired of dating when I started this blog and that has not changed, as I continue to post post-worthy conversations from my dating website inboxes. Shortly after starting this blog, after dating guys my entire life (I’m in my 20’s), I decided to try dating girls around the middle of this past summer. The idea definitely surfaced after developing a crush on one particular girl. I honestly do still have a thing for her, but I’d rather not get into all of that right now. I made a post about it, still under the impression it wasn’t possible for me to like a girl when I’d always identified with being straight, but after admitting the way I felt, I finally saw it as an option and decided to take advantage of that option. Over the last couple of weeks I created a second dating profile to date girls and switched my original profile back from “bisexual” to “straight” to find guys. It makes all the difference as the only messages I was getting when it was set to “bisexual” were from couples looking for a third person, and guys nearly twice my age. I now use both profiles equally, but just this past week I’ve started sending initial messages out to guys again. (No replies, so far.) I had been taking a break from guys, and though I still am for the most part, I’m more open to the idea of dating them again. (Yes, currently having no dating kind of situation with anyone male or female made me expand my options.) Over the last few months I’ve gone on 4 first dates with girls, which went no where. And to keep track, here are some of the nicknames I’ve been throwing around in my posts…

Crazy Girl is a girl who I have not met but who sends me explicit messages which I do my best to reply to and is probably making up some of her stories.
Flakey Girl is a girl who I never met but used to text me all of the time asking me to hang out and then cancelling last minute. I haven’t heard from her in months. She also apparently knew someone growing up who I hung out with in my teens.
Crazy Dog Girl is the girl who said she was Catholic but wanted to raise her dog (who she calls her son) Jewish. We haven’t spoken since our one date.
Band Camp Girl is a girl who I haven’t met yet but was supposed to meet last week, until I asked her if we could switch it to sometime this weekend. We still don’t have any plans set in stone. All I know about her at the moment is that she plays the flute, hence her name. I haven’t really mentioned her before except for in this post.
Switzerland Girl is the girl who was on vacation in the US and we went out one night. I’ll probably never speak to her again, but that’s what I called her. My friend referred to her as “SwissMiss” but I kept confusing his questions with hot chocolate, so the name didn’t stick.

I don’t have nicknames for the other two girls I’ve recently been chatting with on and off, or any of the guys I’ve recently dated. You’ll find their stories throughout my posts, though. The next few months are going to be a little hectic as I’m taking a 2 week vacation out of the country, have been occasionally working a side job as a hobby on the weekend, and have been apartment hunting because I’ve decided it’s time for change, but I’ll do my best to keep updating this blog. My “love life” has also been pretty lame and non-existent as of recently, so I’m hoping to make it a little more exciting again. For other interesting posts I’ve written in the past, please see the “Top Posts” on the side bar of the main page, or feel free to browse through my older stories throughout the Recent Posts, Archives, and Categories.

Sending Crazy Messages To Crazies

Crazy Girl is back! Well, that’s what I’ve been calling her anyway. (I mention her sending me “interesting” messages in this post.) She just sort of starts off with these explicit kind of messages, and just sort of messages me What did she just say?!” things that I feel the need to read to my friends. I haven’t actually posted any of our conversations because I haven’t yet decided that I want to share them, since we may actually meet. But, yes, after some weeks (months?) she has suddenly messaged me back again. Every time I read one of her messages I close the browser the moment I’m done, take a breath, and eventually reply to her a few hours later. I guess I’m not usually as open as she is until someone gets to know me. Of all the people I’ve been chatting with lately, she’s definitely the one I’m the most curious about meeting, though probably the least likely any real relationship would start up with. I’m pretty sure she is the person in her pictures but that some of her stories must be made up. So, she’s the one I call Crazy Girl. I’m sure someone will top it and become Psycho Girl one day…I hope that’s not what anyone calls me now? We all know there’s “good crazy” and “bad crazy” and I do my best to stay “good crazy.” I did also send out some humorous messages to some guys recently. I guess I didn’t feel like putting the effort in to get a reply and I just started out all funny/quirky. As I haven’t received any replies, I guess you really do need to make some sort of better first impression on the internet rather than giving someone the impression that you’re silly all the time. It’s not really fair that we assume someone is everything they say in an initial message, but I of course do the same, as I have no choice but to play along in the same game. By this one guy’s profile, he totally seemed like he would think I was just being amusing in my message and not “bad crazy,” but it went ignored so I guess he assumed I was some nuts cat lady. I know I could have crafted some great initial message, and I suppose I would have if I really wanted him to reply…But I’ve been feeling so jaded by all this dating (Surprised by the blog name?) and where’s the fun in it anymore?…

Myself: Hello,
Did it bother you that when you checked the “has cats” box on here, it stays plural even if you only have one cat? It bothered me a little, so I got a second cat. That’s not entirely true, I just wanted a second cat and one was available, but the thought “Now my dating profile will have a totally honest sentence in that section!” did cross my mind…
PS- I’m not a cat lady (probably.)

…Fine, he can ignore my message but I still think it’s hilarious.

Food In Teeth Mid-Date

food-in-teeth
If your date has food stuck in their teeth, should you let them know? I think the answer depends on how long you’ve been dating. If I’ve been with someone for a while, I’d tell them right away. There’s a level of comfort you reach which leaves for less embarrassment. Though, I suppose I’d rationalize that my date was trying to save me from embarrassment if they let me know early on. My best friend and I usually ask each other to check each other’s teeth after we eat, so I think once you’re comfortable with someone it’s safe to mention. However if it’s a first date, I probably wouldn’t say anything to avoid leaving my date feeling embarrassed. The problem with being a somewhat socially awkward over-thinker is that I sit there wondering if I should say something every time they smile. Then, when they come back from the bathroom and it’s gone I think, “Oh no! They noticed it and took it out, which means they know I knew and didn’t say anything!” (That’s referring to my night out with the tourist girl.) Of course, there are probably numerous much more embarrassing things which could happen on a date. How long would you wait before letting your date know they had something stuck in their teeth?

An October Update

Been a while again. Since the last time I wrote, everyone I’d been speaking to is yet again out of the picture. I created a separate dating site profile to find girls and began using my old profile for guys again. I might meet a girl on Wednesday, but I’m thinking about pushing it to next week. Oh and of course I do still get weird messages…

Random Guy: hey there sex lover !) how is everything going?
Myself: wtf?
Random Guy: Wtf, don’t you love sex or what f is wrong with u )))))
Myself: So weird
Random Guy: Just go
Myself: right…

Dating Website Conversation #17

The weird things guys say in their attempt to get a girls attention continue. Here’s a conversation from a couple of days ago…

Random Guy: Hey,
If you & I were together they would call us Beauty & the Beast …and when someone calls you beast I’ll beat the hell out of them!
I was just looking at your profile and I liked what I saw so I want to get to know you better. You have beautiful eyes & a gorgeous smile!
Write back to me & let me know what makes you smile.
Talk to you later
[NAME CENSORED]

Myself: um…Thanks. As my profile indicates I’m looking for someone female at this time, though. Sorry.
Random Guy: well I can wear high heels and tuck it back if you are interested lol
Good lick I mean luck with that
Myself: Good luck with your search on here.

Temporary Break From Temporary Hiatus

Mostly still on my temporary hiatus from this blog due to lack of dating (meh) but I do have a short post for today:
Today I mentioned to my mom that I’d been going on some dates with girls over the last few months, as the topic came up and I knew it wasn’t a big deal. (I think the conversation went from groceries > to pasta > to Barilla’s recent remarks > to gay people > to people’s opinions about gay people > and so on…) What was her input? “I don’t think it matters if you date girls or boys. I think they both suck just the same. They’re all just people and I think all people just kind of suck the same!” (I think she mostly meant along the lines of the crappy side of dating and stress in relationships.)

A Few Notes

  • I get the feeling I am not going to see the last girl I went out on a date with again. I don’t really have strong reasoning, but sometimes I get a certain vibe about a situation and nearly all of the time I’m right.
  • I made plans with the flakey girl for Thursday, again. I’m planning on showing up and getting stood up. I’m still going because she answers text messages in such a strange way, I’ve become really curious about meeting her in person.
  • I am declaring it much harder to get a second date with a girl than it is with a guy. In the past, nearly every first date I went on with a guy, it was almost always up to me if there would be a second date. I wasn’t that crazy about any of the girls I met recently, but I don’t think they’d have gone out with me a second time if I was!
  • I haven’t received any messages on dating websites in two days (a record!)
  • If you pay attention to someone’s internet habits (log-in time, updates, etc.) you can often infer a lot.
  • I’m definitely tired of dating.

Skim Profiles Before Messaging

Tired of all of the messages from people I’d have no interest in (messaging me after looking at my pictures without glancing at my profile), I decided to call them out on it. Here are a few of the conversations…

Random Guy: hey, i’m [NAME CENSORED] :)
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: its a few things. first, very few girls actually respond back, if you take the take the time and read all the profiles, you’ll never get to talk to anyone. second, physical attraction is like 90% of what guys look for first.
Myself: Nothing wrong with physical attraction, but like you said -FIRST-
Once the decision to message someone has been made how do you guys not even skim the profile? Mine’s long -I don’t at all expect anyone to read every word (though once in a while some people do) but how does anyone not even skim it? I mean people who you’d never get along with in a million years messaging you…And yeah, about girls responding -TELL ME ABOUT IT. As I mentioned on my profile for anyone skimming, I’m currently interested in dating a girl, not a guy. 95% of the time you never get a reply.
[He actually clicks on my profile now, because of course he didn’t notice my mention of dating girls.]
Random Guy: well if they message back, ill read the profile. I just thought you were really cute :) You’re not open to a guy at all right now?
Myself: And what if you don’t like what you read on their profile, just ignore them like they always do to you?
Thanks.
Nope, I’ve been with them for [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years and I’m taking a break. I just don’t have the interest at the moment.
[Why should we “waste” our time reading these messages rather than them “wasting” their time skimming a profile first?]
Random Guy: nah, i think actually talking to someone is a better way to get to know them. it’s not a job interview haha. well i’m sorry to hear a beautiful woman like you has no interest in my gender. after reading your profile, i think we’d actually get along good :)
[Get along “good” or “well?]
Myself: Well yeah but there are so many people not worth talking to on here. It’s not real life. It’s a tool used to weed out those you wouldn’t have an interest in and find those you’d like to meet and get to know in real life. You’ve even admitted you start speaking to people completely based on their appearance. How does it suddenly change to an importance in getting to know someone if their appearance is most important?
Yeah, I guess I’m just bored/tired of dating guys. I believe it’s temporary and eventually I’ll probably date a guy again, just not any time soon.
Random Guy: well good looks can only keep a guy interested for so long. i’m hoping to find someone that keeps my interest.
Myself: So skim the words they write before you message next time =)
Good luck
[And really what’s with the extremely short, boring messages? I’m expected to read through their profile when they didn’t read mine and can’t put in the effort to write a decent message?]

Random Guy: hii there
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Why u saying si?
Random Guy: So
Random Guy: Just said hi
Random Guy: :)
Myself: Because I’m getting a lot of messages from people who wouldn’t be a good match for me. I’m not sure why I should read through them all when they’re not even skimming my profile before deciding to send their messages…
Random Guy: you gotta used to have such kind of messages here
Myself: Sorry, I don’t even understand what you’re saying. …Which is what I mean, on so many levels it doesn’t seem like we would be a good match, yet you’ve still sent me a message.
Random Guy: you know what kind of web sited it is right?
Myself: Yeah, this website is a search engine right? It works like google. I can use it to research my favorite celebrities, right?
Random Guy: :)
Random Guy: you funny
[Damn, I was really hoping he’d fall for my playing-dumb joke]
Random Guy: it is pretty hard for you to find your match over here
Myself: Which is why I don’t understand why I should waste even more time speaking to people who clearly aren’t a good match for me. It’s hard enough, why should I read through messages of bad matches who didn’t even skim through my profile when I could be spending my time speaking to/searching for a more compatible match? (And the person messaging me could be doing the same.)
Random Guy: good bye beautiful
Random Guy: have a nice fishing
Myself: Yep, you too.
[Wow, for once I didn’t have to be the one to end the conversation!]
Random Guy: i am [NAME CENSORED] by the way
[Damn, I guess I spoke too soon.]
Random Guy: nice to meet you
Random Guy: are you from [CITY CENSORED]?
Myself: Yeah, I am.
Good luck with your search on here!

Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: half the time no one reads my profile so y should i
Random Guy: they are surprised that im cheap even though it says so on my profile
[Wait, what?!]
Myself: Why should someone else spend the time reading your message if you didn’t even skim their profile? What makes your time more valuable?
Random Guy: exactly
Myself: So because someone didn’t read your profile, how does it seem fair to message someone else and expect them to read your message when you didn’t even skim that person’s profile?
Random Guy: dont know. ask the person that wrote the profile
Myself: That’s ridiculous. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: ok
[Someone trying to get the last word in?…]

Random Guy: Heyy
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Idk
[Ha! Short, simple, over, done.]

Random Guy: Hi I’m [NAME CENSORED]. How’s it going?
Myself: Hi,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Hmmm. Not really sure.
That mimics real life though right?
Myself: But that’s the thing. This isn’t real life. This is something used to find people who you’d like to meet in real life. One can notice attraction first, but how do you guys not even skim a profile after you’ve made the decision to message someone?!
Random Guy: I’m not really sure. How am I supposed to answer for a population of users that I probably don’t have all that much in common with?
Myself: So I guess you’re just yet another guy who messaged me only seeking friendship, after reading on my profile that I was currently interested in dating girls and not guys?
Random Guy: Well your profile is long. Do you really expect everyone to read the entire thing while contemplating whether or not to message you? I knew things you liked, didn’t like, media you prefer… All before saying hello.
But because I didn’t read the one line of a hundred that you wanted me to I’m the asshole?
[It’s in bold, with a star in front, and on its’ own line. If you just quickly skim my page, it’s hard to miss. It actually used to be in bold in three other sections as well, and still went ignored.]
Right. It’s the fault of the worlds population of men. We’re pigs. Nevermind that your profile contradicts itself. Great attitude.
Myself: Of course not. I never intended for anyone to read all of it which is why I said SKIM it.
I have been getting a lot of messages from people who would never be compatible with me & nearly no messages from those who would be.
You called yourself an asshole, not me. I simply asked why so many guys aren’t even getting any idea of who I am as a person & sending me messages based purely on attraction so much of the time. I put things in bold so that someone could skim my profile and in 5 seconds focus on what they’d need to know when it would come to dating me.
Again, you called your gender pigs, not me.
Good luck with your search on here =) …Maybe your appearance first, profile later approach will work with someone after all.
[He got extremely defensive and it went on for a while after that. It’s not really worth posting the whole argument.]

So, I guess it’s just me reading the majority of someone’s profile after skimming their page, looking at their pictures, and deciding to send them a message…

Still Very Much Single

You know, everything about The Dating Cycle is really starting to frustrate me again. I think at times I just sort of go on pointless date after date, just sort of floating through everything, but right now I’m feeling pretty frustrated again. For one thing, I’m getting about 5 messages a day on these dating sites. Great, right? Nope. They’re all from men with an extremely low match rating to me (I’d never have interest in them) and a lot of them are nearly double my age. This means no one is reading my profile to see what we have in common, or to notice that I indicate I’m currently interested in dating women -and someone close to my age. (I shouldn’t be surprised, of course I know people just look at the pictures –But if you’re about to send someone a message, seriously how do you not even skim their profile first?)
Then there’s the girl from a couple of weeks ago. Let’s go in order:

Girl messages me.
I reply. (We exchange a few messages over a couple of days.)
She asks me to meet her.
I ask when and where.
5 days pass.
I send her some question marks.
She sends me her number and asks if we can switch to texts.
I text her.
She says she’ll be free next weekend.
Next weekend is coming up and she tells me she’s free Thursday instead. (We have a time but not a place.)
Tuesday I ask her where we’re meeting.
She asks if we can switch it to Saturday.
Wednesday I ask her where we’re meeting Saturday.
We discuss an area, but no place or time. (She asks if we can discuss it closer to Saturday.)
Friday night I ask her what’s going on with the next day.
No reply until Monday. (She says she went away for the weekend again and wishes she wasn’t so busy.)
Her last text read, “It’s lonely not having time for people.”
My reply text, “It’s lonely having time and no people lol”
Her reply text, “Okay give me some time and ill give you a person”
My last reply text, “Haha alright fair trade”
(Because what better things do I have going on anyway? I’m really turned off by people being this flakey. It’s really not something I want to deal with especially when it comes to dating. I’m really not expecting to ever meet up with her. But somehow this is the most I have right now. This is boring.)

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
-Movie: Love & Death (By Woody Allen)

Second First-Date With A Girl

So tonight’s date couldn’t have gone that well or I guess I’d still be on it.
First the good parts: She was attractive, nice, dressed very similar to me, paid for my drink, and we could probably be friends.
Now the reasons I’m home by 9 on a Friday night: She said she had to go home to feed her dog. Her dog who she thinks of as her son. I’m an animal person and all, but she told me that she’s raising him Jewish. Mind you she also mentioned she wasn’t raised religious, but her family is Protestant. She bought him a sweater with the star of David, a yarmulke (yamaka), got a menorah to light with him for Hanukkah, and I’m pretty sure she mentioned a restricted (Kosher?) diet. Do I even need to get to the part where she did this annoying “Mmmhmm” thing after everything I said and constantly made me feel like she was looking down upon me? I would probably see her again if she asked me, but I’d steer it in the direction of something more friendly or just physical. I think the odds of us meeting again are slim based on her not ordering another drink, ending the night, and keeping her distance during my hug goodbye. I didn’t get the feeling she was as down to earth and open as I prefer people to be either. I think I was an okay date to her, though. I smiled when she spoke about the time she painted her dog’s nails red and I shared a story about my cats to participate. I probably should have come up with a better answer about what I’m doing with my life, but writing these very words in this blog –Do I honestly have a better answer? Overall it wasn’t so bad, we just didn’t click, just like most of the dates I’ve ever gone on. Time to repeat it tomorrow if that other girl ever gets back to me?

(Well, at least tonight's was free.)

(Well, at least tonight’s was free.)

Mind Of An Over-Thinker

Before every first date…Should I wear this? What about that? This color sends the wrong message. Too low cut. What if I wear this under it? Nope. Well, this gives me no shape. That’s ugly, why do I own that? Too tight. Too girly. What if they dress casually and I’m too dressed up? What if I dress too casually? These shoes do not match this outfit. I can’t walk in these shoes. Is this “me” enough for a first impression? Jeans or dress? A dressy shirt and jeans? Is this shirt see-through? Only in the sunlight. What time does the sun set tomorrow? What’s the weather tomorrow? Is it going to rain? What do I do with my hair if it rains? Can these shoes get wet? Now how do I look good in this without looking like I spent this much time trying to pick it out? What time do I have to be there? How long does it take me to get there? I better write down the address. I better write down the directions. Do not drink too much. Do not drink too much. I wonder if I’m going to have to pay. I have to bring extra cash. I better only order things I can afford. I can not go home with them tonight. I can not bring them home tonight. I will not drink too much. I am allowed two drinks that night. Two. I will sip my drinks slowly. I hope they’re interesting. Am I interesting? What do I have to tell about myself? Do not mention that, or that…or that. I hope their pictures were accurate. I hate dating. We’re going to ask each other the same boring questions all over again. I’m so tired of dating. Keep your expectations low. Keep them low and it can only be better, not worse. Here I go, spinning around and around in the dating cycle again. Circling and circling…
cartoon_first_date_092707

No Success At The Bar

So, last night I made it out to the bar I was suggested to try with a male friend. It was surprisingly busy when we arrived early but seemed to clear out as the night went on. I plan on heading back in a week or two, and possibly catching the Happy Hour crowd. Needless to say, I was not successful in meeting anyone, and the following thoughts went through my mind…
-A decent amount of attractive girls go to that bar.
-I am just as terrified/shy of walking up to a girl at a bar as I am about walking up to a guy.
-I should learn how to dance.
-I should find more opportunities to stand alone rather than with someone.
-I should not order a martini unless I’m sitting at the bar because I will spill it all over myself and others.
As we left, my friend said, “Well, at least we looked at some girls and that was fun. That’s how most nights go when I’m out with guys anyway.” I think I’m officially concluding that (straight) guys have it harder than (straight) girls when it comes to dating whether it’s online or out in the real world.

Still Waiting

Well, 25 messages to girls later and only one replied –to tell me she wasn’t interested. Though, at least her message was pretty genuine and friendly. The girl who sent me a message never replied again either. I guess my next attempt will be at a bar. And my inbox continues to fill with messages from guys I’m not interested in as usual…

Random Guy: hey how are you
Myself: I’m alright, but that doesn’t matter, you weren’t actually asking. -You asked that with the same tone that every cashier ever asked you with. You know, where they don’t actually care about your answer and you give them the fake “Good.” Your message could’ve been “f98rjefe” it was just to see if you’d get a reply and not anything you really put any effort into or thought about.
Anyway, you’re just another one of those people who went to my profile, looked at my pictures, read half of one sentence from my profile, and completely missed the part that said I’m interested in dating girls at the moment, not guys.
Random Guy: Ok have fun

Random Guy: Hi,
My name is [NAME CENSORED].
I am looking for a good relationship with a nice girl.
I am shy, funny and loyal.
Please text me a message to know each other.
Have a lovely day
[PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: Sorry, as I mentioned on my profile. I am interested in dating a girl at this time.
Random Guy: Thank you for your message
[So, do you think he sent this message to every profile he came across? Maybe he thought he’d get a random text in front of his friends and he’d say, “Its from this girl I’ve been talking to.”]
3q324i

Still No Luck Dating

Wow, three days without a post. I guess that’s what happens when you make a blog about dating and experience dateless days. Maybe I should turn this into weekly updates rather than daily. Anyway, I don’t really have anything going on in my dating life right now. I did do a little bar hopping with some friends this weekend and found myself noticing the girls more than guys. I think it was a combination of browsing too many lesbian profiles on these dating sites, wanting to feed my curiosity, and my increasing boredom with men/tiredness of dating. I’m actually considering messaging some of the girls who’s profiles I’d bookmarked, after a conversation with a straight girl I had yesterday. She told me about her one girl crush and that she had a good experience the one time she dated a lesbian. …And in other news, I haven’t been getting too many messages on the sites from anyone interesting, so I just have some short conversations turning guys down…

Random Guy: hey there!
Myself: Hello…Didn’t leave much room for any other reply, really…

Random Guy: hi beautiful how you doing tonight.
Myself: I’m alright, but you forgot an “are.”
Random Guy: ok ? lol
Random Guy: how are you doing…u serious lol
Myself: I’m still alright, and yeah -You lost a “y” and an “o” that time.
[hehe how annoying am I?…I wanted to make a comment about him missing question marks too.]

Random Guy: #yesplease
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Hahaha ouch

Do Guys Have It Harder On Dating Websites?

I’m starting to think guys have it harder on dating websites than girls. It’s known that there are more men than women on these sites, so that’s already an advantage for straight women (as far as more of a selection goes), but does it go beyond that? I haven’t done any proper research, but most of the guys I speak to tell me that they get very few replies to their messages, and fewer initial messages from girls. I wonder if it has something to do with the classic “the guy asks the girl out”, rather than the other way around. I think it’s become less of a big deal for a girl to make the first move today, but it seems that most guys are still the ones to approach the girl. -And of course most marriage proposals are definitely still being done by the man as well. Not to mention more women are still skeptical about meeting a stranger from the internet than men fear meeting a strange women. So, some work goes into maintaining the idea that they’re not just some creep.
A male friend of mine recently signed up with one of the dating websites I frequent. He asked me to fix up his profile a little. I spent about three hours logged in as him and was surprised I didn’t get a single message. The ten messages he’d sent out remained unanswered. I also discovered that it isn’t easy to speak highly of yourself and not sound completely cocky, as a guy. After some difficulty with the task, I wound up leaving a sort of testimonial for him on his profile, as myself. It was a sort of experiment. Either girls would be turned off by it, or they’d find it cute and be intrigued that another girl had such great things to say about him. It’s been about a week since that experiment and you know, he’s gotten a few replies to the first messages he sent out, a few new messages from others, and has even progressed one conversation off of the website and into texts. I take most of the credit for getting him to that point on the site –But he’s still claiming some sort of 20% that I’m not sure he deserves credit for from the start ;-) …It’s also not the first time I’ve heard of a girl helping a guy fill out his profile, or a guy making suggestions to a girl about hers. Sometimes I wonder if we’re all just falling for each other’s profiles written by someone else…

In other news…During another night tired of dating websites, I tried fooling around with my search options. I spent some time looking at some 0% matches and you know, it made me pretty happy I’m not with any of those guys. Some of them were just awful and while I still haven’t found whatever it is I’m searching for, sometimes it’s nice to know who I don’t have to end up with. I was also wondering about the guy who wanted a girl who would go out to the club with him every night. Why is he looking for her online? Wouldn’t he have better luck finding her at the club? -Oh, and today I received a message from a guy who I’m pretty sure has tried to contact me a few times in the past. His message wasn’t so bad, but today I squinted at his picture and went “Does he…Is that…” and upon closer inspection, yes that was a puppet on his hand. It could have been the fact that he also happened to be unattractive, but I never knew what a turn off a puppet could be. I just don’t see myself dating a ventriloquist. The picture just made me frown upon coming across his profile. -Does that exist? Different expressions people made upon viewing different dating website profiles in some sort of video? Well, It should exist, anyway.
1331438172796_1961197

Crappy Dates From The Internet

I don’t really have anything new to report, so I’ll just tell you about two crappy dates I went on a few years ago…

After talking to a guy on a dating website for a while, we decided to meet. He was one of the first people I’d met from the creepy land of the internet, so I made sure we were in some open space with a lot of people. What I should have done was planned out what we were going to do a little better. Once we met, he suggested the movies and that’s something people do on a date, right? So, off we went, to the movies, on a first date. Not just a first date, the first time meeting in person. Why is this an awful idea? Well, unless you’re planning on just hooking up and don’t give a shit about getting to know them as a person, you’re really not going to accomplish much by silently sitting next to them for two hours, in a dark place, while you’re paying attention to something else. This thought did cross my mind, but what did I know back then. We walked to the nearest theater and guess what the only movie playing at that time was? A stupid horror movie neither of us had any interest in seeing. Oh, that’s even better. Now we’re going to be sitting together in the dark for two hours watching something we don’t even want to be paying attention to. But did I know how to back out of things back then? Of course not. So, into the theater we went. About ten seconds into the opening credits he pretty much just leaned over and shoved his tongue down my throat –At least I was smart enough to stand my ground when it went that far, so I put my hand on his chest and pushed him pretty hard, back down into his seat. “I don’t want to kiss you,” I said. He nodded and replied, “Okay.” “We’re just going to sit here and silently watch this awful movie instead,” I thought. –And we did. We didn’t acknowledge each other again throughout the entire movie. He probably felt like an ass that entire time. The movie was pretty much as bad as we anticipated it to be. –But I mean, I guess that was the theme of our date, anyway. I haven’t seen him since that day. Was that last sentence necessary?

The other crappy date I went on was only about a year ago. I really shouldn’t have gone on it. It was a bad idea before I even knew who the date was going to be with. My ex thought that I’d be more content about our recent breakup if I went on a date with someone new. So, under the recommendation of a guy I still had feelings for, I turned to a dating website. I logged in and decided to click on the profile of the first guy who came up on it. Did I take the time to exchange a few messages with him first? Of course not, I just needed to go out on a date with someone else, who I was sure I wouldn’t care about in the least –What did it matter who they were? Great plan, huh? The entire conversation pretty much went, “Hi want to meet?, Sure –How about this place and time?, Sounds good –Here’s my number & what’s yours?” This story ends up being a case of the deceiving profile picture. When we met I immediately knew I didn’t find him attractive at all. Now, I’m generally not a shallow person, but it’s pretty hard to be with someone romantically if you don’t have any physical attraction to them. I mean, someone can go from okay-looking to amazing as you get to know them (or get more unattractive if they turn out to have a crappy personality) because physical appearance isn’t everything in my opinion –But if they’re not even at that level in your eyes from the start, it’s going to be pretty tough. Now, by no means was he hideous –I guess I’ll just put it politely and say he wasn’t my type. I remember as I saw him standing in our meeting place a little voice saying, “Oh noooo!” was going through my head, but I thought I’d stick it out. So, we walked to a nearby bar/café kind of place. He got a beer and I got a grilled cheese. We started talking and he seemed like an okay guy, but I wasn’t feeling it. I kept thinking about how it was forced and wrong of me to be there. So, I blurted out that I didn’t want it to be a date. I told him that I had feelings for my ex and that I couldn’t be on a date at that moment. Whenever a guy seems nice I always think “why can’t we just be friends, though?” -but it never translates properly when you give them this proposal. The entire date couldn’t have lasted more than 30 minutes. When we asked for the check the waitress raised her eyebrows, “Oh, this thing here is already done, is it?” We paid for ourselves and headed our separate ways. Such a lame story. But I now I know I’ll never again meet someone without scrutinizing their pictures and exchanging a few more messages first.

(*There are)

(*There are)

The “Best” Dating Website Profile?

So, I just had this thought “What if I stop getting horrible messages on these dating websites and have nothing to write about on my blog?” …Oh what a silly thought. Just 10 minutes later I log in to find the all time lowest rating match for me has messaged me. Why he would bother when we’re clearly not right for each other, I don’t know –Maybe just to give me something to write about! He knows… I’m skeptical of the legitimacy of his profile, but after a few google searches I’m starting to think this could be for real. Either way, it’s worth a laugh…

Random Guy: Pumpkin Head You Seriously Need to Tone Down the Cuteness! ;)
Here I am looking for average next door gal types with 4 kids and a hubby and I end up with a gorgeous long haired gal like you. Some things in life just aren’t fair. Ha ha ha!
Seriously I’m looking 2 things…a gal who can show me both her sassy and sweet side…while wanting to be a proper lady at work and in the streets and a wild cat when in my presence. Oops! That’s 3 things. Can you help me with any of the above? Actually I want it all Suga! Give me all you got and more…ha ha ha!
Yes both my lines were come one lines…So come on…Check out my profile…If my bad intentions arouse you…then you know what to do. If not, it’s been a pleasure meeting your profile and best of luck!
Ciao Bella!
Mr. [NAME CENSORED] ;)
Myself: Thank you for your message.
Sorry, I’m not interested.
Random Guy: Don’t be sorry I’m not. Lol
Random Guy: But hey best of luck…I won’t need any! :-P
Myself: uhh…Right.
Random Guy: Quick response huh damn ur good lol
Myself: I was logged in when I got the message.

Now I know I don’t normally post people’s profiles on here, but maybe just one more exception this time? He did send me the message after all –and with all that artificial confidence how could he mind?!…

Random Guy’s Actual Dating Website “About Me” (& My Commentary, Of Course):
I’m Into SNL..Come Have a Laugh on Me! NO I’m Not All Fun and Games..Read On! ;)
I know the exact type of woman (umm I mean Lady ;) that attracts my interests.
My Alpha Caveman (animal instincts) only gets turned up like a wild lion strutting in the jungle roaring like a wild passionate steed overlooking the meadows and seeking a woman that posses these two very rare but wanted qualities, which are equally important to me. A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun
[See, this is why my immediate reaction was “fake profile…”]
A sexy woman with class and an adorable, giant playful ball of fun (think Kelly Cuoco). It’s rare. Yes I’m willing to except flaws (I have a bevy of them). I find it very appealing to be in the presence of a gal who is comfortable being called on their B.S. and is willing to tolerate and respect the challenges I throw at her and vice versa when I’m a dodo brain. Personally, I take it as a blessing that girls can’t get one over on me because of their looks. Sad with most guys they can. LITTLE SECRET: I used to let women’s looks effect me, but I no longer think with just my big ego but with my big brain. 97% of the time I’m a solid guy and 3% of I’m a big pain-in-the-ass. Aren’t we all ;) I’m hard core when it comes to respect and not using excuses. Aren’t you? Hope so. To be honest I have to feel two things about you once I get to know you. I have to feel like I want to throw you up against the wall and make mad passionate love to you. The other side I have to feel like you can keep up with my quirky sense of humor and engage in pillow talk with me like me caveman. A woman that is comfortable being a woman in my presence will win my protection; as I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you like my favorite stuffed animal. I definitely want a looker, but I definitely DON’T just want a looker. I want the rare personality that is not average thinking, not generic, overly neurotic, overly serious or prudish (or any bit prudish for that matter) like most others…uggh. It takes a strong independent woman to just say the hell with it and go for it. Meaning the next step. Not what you thought (but yes what ya thought at the same time). I’m open, but my dukes are up. I have been hurt in the past. Haven’t you. I hope not, but you probably have been somewhere, unless you’re extremely blessed.
So, who am I looking for?
[Because he didn’t already mention this 100 times?]
A girl who just read the above and agrees with me whole-heartedly. A woman who’s not afraid to show me her two sides. The naughty and nice. FOR SOME REASON A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF MEN SEEM TO THINK WOMEN DON’T LOVE SEX (you women are smart you have them fooled) I wouldn’t have it any other way :) I especially love women who are princesses in the street and wild cats in the sheets (meaning NO GAMES….and yes her being comfortable with me having selfish intentions–ladies you have them too. lol). A woman who can be an intelligent leader at her job, get things done, but can be a lady at home is very sexy. If you’re a looker great, but I’m generally open. I’m not going to lie to you. I do go for the hour-glass figure types, athletic types and girl next door types like most guys. I’m a sucker for Adrianne Curry nerdy eccentric and little professor types. I find many of them have a fun wild side that they’re waiting for the right guy to bring out of them. Like they say, it’s always the quiet one’s you need to look out for. Ha ha ha! If you wear glasses great; they’ll come a time and place where you’ll take them off for me.
Yes I like to joke around, makes life fun in between work. Being a dating coach is tough business
[…He’s..a dating coach? Haha What?!]
(long story, and I’m single because I’m a picky bastard
[Really, I didn’t notice!]
..
as I would hope you are too. lol). I also have a life style management business and I run a sports memorabilia shop on the side.
My attitude towards people and the world is. Whatever happens happens. Let the chips fall where they may. This way of thinking is much healthier. Who knows? I may even be taking home my new best friend, which could be you. No high pressure boring dinner, coffee or movie dates. I’ll have you talking and thinking about things you haven’t thought about in years. Whatever it is..trust me, it’ll be fun and definitely interesting. Ok, random time (as if it hasn’t been) Quick note on my family life. Love pops/mom, although they drive me nuts sometimes. Asking and telling the same questions and stories over and over again..grrr GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY IN MARCH, I LEAVE THIS ON HERE IN HER HONOR. I just didn’t have the heart to take it out. Kinda keeps her alive to me somehow. About grandma love her to pieces, except when she’s cranky(you have no idea) :( she’s 90. I go there once a week to help her. I sweep, mop, laundry, food shop.)
[You have something written on your dating website profile to honor your grandmother? Is that really appropriate? This is the best place/way to do that sort of thing? Who was this woman?!]
Next subject. Huge animal lover. No I don’t have any pets. If you don’t like animals it’s best we part now. People who don’t like animals scare me. PASSIONS: Seduction, Intimacy, the Female Brain/the Male Brain, Self-Development, Spicy Food, Comedy, Social Dynamics (human communications).. Psychology, Human Behavior etc. I’m studying Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. So I’ll be your Superman and protect us from the bad guys not you my little Wonder Woman.
[Yes, this is pretty much the only place he actually mentions anything about himself.]
First Date (I Don’t Actually Do 1st Dates….lol)…I don’t put limits on 1st dates…I would hope you wouldn’t either.
Oh did I forget to say what exactly I’m attracted to?
[No, you just wrote an entire essay about it!]
I know I’m very vague in the presence of beauty. Stop it right now! You’re so distracting me. Let’s see. Relatively tall (5’3″ to 5’11”) Sexy very curvy voluptuous women size 4-14 yes it’s a broad range but if you’re fit and firm..hips..J.Lo booty that says “Hello Fella” and winks I’m a gonna be smiling. Also slim women I find attractive too, as long as they are petite but too petite (more than 108 pounds). [He did NOT just give exact height and weight requirements for a woman, did he?]
I also go for young chicks with athletic builds and I also like sexy cougars with attractive lifestyles. By the way..shhhh..I do have a soft mushy side.. beep beep.. I don’t show this mushy side right away. I have my Bitch (Bastard) Shield up. Don’t most of us? :)
What I would love to do upon meeting you, twirl you around gracefully like a little ballerina and have you fall into my arms looking passionately into my eyes..If I catch you of course. lol…laughing and giggling like a little girl because you feel so safe and secure within seconds of meeting me (shut up.. yes I like the corny romantic stuff sometimes).
[Are you saying “what the fuck?” as much as I am at this point?…]
I hate having to put this in here but I’m doing it to screen out women who have nothing but pretty looks to offer but no depth. Warning I’m a game playing hound for women who play “Head Games” Gals who like to just collect guys in case the ex or new guy doesn’t work out need not apply. READ THIS: Playing Hard to Get…Will make me want you LESS and other gals MORE. If you’re attractive think how many guys chase you. Did you forget it goes the other way? ;P I guess you can say I’m one of those guys that “GETS IT” “THE GAME” What I’m saying with all this tough talk?? lol.
Bonus points to those who truly get this next point: Life, human connection and true presence is way more than GAME..The only game or actually games I play are who can be the most REAL and who can give off the best energy. The BEST Game is NO GAME at all. THE END!
Looking for: short-term dating, activity partners, casual sex

What was that- 5% of his profile was about him? The other 95% was a very drawn out description of who his perfect woman is. It’s as if he believes she’s out there, going to read his profile and message him like, “Hey, that’s me! Doesn’t matter who you are!” -And if only I posted his pictures…He’s got one of him and some woman with the caption, “My lips look juicier.” I’d also post the answers he gave to some questions, but I think you could guess them based off of his “About Me.” I really hope this turns out to be a fake profile. Or maybe I hope he’s real…because I’ll always know whoever I eventually end up with could never have been as awful as this dude.

(It's not just you, kitty.)

(It’s not just you, kitty.)

Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?…

You know it’s not going too well on a dating site when you spend an hour scrolling through lesbian’s profiles, and even bookmark a few -when you’re straight, and female. You know, just to know what other options are out there. Now, I’m not one of those attention-seeking girls who sets her profile to “bi” just to pique the interest of certain guys, or who makes out with her female friends at a bar to attract men. I’m really just reaching that point where I’m so tired of dating and so tired of the guys profiles on these sites, I’ve pondered the thought, “Maybe it’s not dating I’m tired of, maybe it’s men.” Could this be the problem? There was that one time I had a crush on a girl, anyway. There was something about her firm handshake and asking if I wanted a drink, but remaining a very pretty girl that confused me. There was even a time I found myself imagining that the guy I was dating wasn’t him, and that it was rather her –during a time you probably wouldn’t be thrilled to know it was someone else your date had had on their mind. I’ve started day dreaming “if only you could just change your sexual preference back and forth just like that…” You know, just for something new. Unfortunately, there’s no switch you can just flick, and suddenly find yourself attracted to someone else. But maybe I’ve always just restricted myself to only dating men, without considering other options. I wondered if it was just the little check box at the top of the site which indicated “straight” that was the only thing standing in the way of any of these girls sending me a message and I wondered what would happen if I switched it…Probably nothing, I’d still be straight and possibly on yet another mismatched date I’d have no interest in. Though, the three prettier girls’ profiles sit in the bookmarks tab of my browser and the curiosity remains…

(Okay, so obviously this isn't always true...But you get the joke.)

(Okay, so obviously this isn’t always true…But you get the joke.)

Break-Ups

I’ve been wondering if there is a “right” way to break up with someone. I’d say it should be done in person because if you’re going to hurt someone, you should have the balls to look them in the eye when you do it. But timing, reason given, and how you put it really has to be considered as well. Then there’s that whole mess of the aftermath and how that’s dealt with. Though, with all of that considered, and all of the times I’ve been broken up with, I still can’t think back at any one of those situations and find a “favorite.” Nope, there isn’t really one I can say, “Oh yeah I preferred that one to the others” about. That’s just like trying to pick your favorite STD. (No, I don’t have any of those.) I guess sometimes it was done a little more poorly, though. Let’s go over them! I think it’s obvious how each could have been done “better.” Maybe you’ll be able to plan out your next dumping a little better after making note of my past…

Time Spent Dating: 1 Month / Age: Early Teens
He instant messaged me to tell me that he was now busy on the only day of the week we had been seeing each other. When I asked about seeing him a different day of the week, he said he was busy then too. Valentine’s Day was about a week away.

Time Spent Dating: 1 Month / Age: Mid-Teens
During an instant message conversation I misspelled a common word. He broke up with me over that in the instant messages. He then told a bunch of people at his school (who I was also friends with) that he had never felt happier to be rid of me. He said it was like the feeling you get when you get a new puppy.

Time Spent Dating: 4 Years / Age: Late-Teens
He did it in yet another instant message conversation after showing interest in someone he’d previously sworn he had no interest in. Though, there were some in-person follow up discussions I initiated, seeing that we were together for so long.

Time Spent Dating: 6 Months (Long Distance) / Age: Early 20’s
He did it in person, after an argument over my indecision in a trivial decision, as I was about to start my 5 hour trip home.

Time Spent Dating: 1 Year / Age: 20’s
He did it in person over a difference of beliefs/lifestyle and personality type. It was after some smiley-face looking forward to seeing you texts. He stayed close for a while, in attempt to help me move on.

Time Spent Dating: A Couple Weeks / Age: 20’s
He sent me a text message after I sent him one asking why he’d been speaking to me less. It was sort of a mutual agreement, he wanted a casual relationship that I didn’t think I was ready for. Though, I hadn’t really set out to end things.

Time Spent Dating: 3 Months / Age: 20’s
He did it in person because we weren’t right for each other and he didn’t think he had time for a relationship -which he didn’t think it was headed for either. He told me this down a random street before we were going to grab some drinks with his friends. –This was right after we had just seen a show together, which was also after just meeting my best friend.

Then there were the three guys I went out with a couple of times who decided to just ignore me out of the blue, and I never heard from them again. The last thing I heard from one of them was “Looking forward to seeing you Tuesday!” in a text before he disappeared off the face of the planet. I suppose that method is worst. You have to spend some time clueless about what’s going on, worried you’re going to sound like you’re checking in too much as you try to figure it out, and eventually feel like a fool for trying. There’s never any closure in that and you never figure out what the hell went wrong…
574702_10151102453283480_282128074_n

Dating Games

Sometimes I wonder why there are still people who “enjoy” the rules of dating. There are people who follow a strict set of rules when dating and actually expect others to obediently play this game as well. “Wait x number of days before calling after a first date”, “Kiss after x number date”, “Don’t talk about any ex’s”, “Don’t say anything too personal on a first date” –And so on and so on. Maybe this is why I keep hearing how “real” I am compared to other dates. I’m often told that it’s refreshing I’m so open. Aren’t the rest of you “real” too?! Why isn’t everyone else just being themselves? Why can’t they just go with the flow? Why do they have to follow some strict dating regiment, rather than just being the beautifully flawed human beings they are? Who are they trying to fool -A potential partner, just at first? Are their dates really hoping to see someone who will only appeal to them at the beginning? Are they getting more out of their closed-off, limited information, “perfect” first impression dates? Isn’t it all kind of a waste of time to act in any other way than what would come naturally to you in any other situation? Is a first date just some sort of formality that they don’t really count as part of getting to know each other?

Most people I know meet someone they like, develop some sort of crush on them, date them, and over time kind of settle into things and the feeling fades. I kind of work in the opposite way where I meet someone who seems like they may have potential for me to like them, I date them, and after a few months I eventually develop some sort of crush on them. This is a problem because usually at the point I start to have feelings for someone, they’ve already grown tired of me and are about to end the relationship. This requires a search for not only someone with potential for me, but also who’s patient enough to stick with me, though I can’t guarantee I’ll ever like them. They’re rare –But they do exist! From what I’ve found, they’re usually the better kind of dates too. They’re the loyal types who will believe in you.

The first three to five dates or so are always tough for me. I’m never nervous about how I come off or how the date is going when I’m on it, as I mentioned I’ve always been myself for better or for worse. A kind of “this is me, I have nothing to hide, I have flaws, but if you put up with them you’ll get to see the awesome side of me too” approach. -But there’s a constant fear of the guy making some sort of move –especially if it’s going well, as the odds of it happening are usually a little higher. A little voice saying, “please don’t try to kiss me” will be going off in my head every time they’re close to me -and I know I’m not part of the majority in this if it’s going well, but I need some extra time at this stage. I also have to hope they’re the kind of guy who’s cool with me expressing my thoughts and feelings on this. I’ve never had trouble explaining precisely how I feel, but I’ve had trouble finding guys who appreciate this. I take some extra time to grow comfortable around someone new -and I need comfort to really enjoy a date. Each date generally means some more progress should be made and you move forward. I guess you could say I like to take things slow –But so slow I like it to kind of pause around the second date for a while. I start dreading the next date knowing the guy will be expecting things to move along, and I’m hoping to kind of dock them where they are for a bit.

My preference in dating seems to be an extremely gradual build up to everything. A move too early and at it kind of puts a damper on the whole thing. It’s even more nerve racking when I have a good feeling about the guy. It could all be so easily ruined oh so soon. Of course there is a balance. If too much time goes by that awkward friend-zone line could be passed. And the hardest part is knowing most girls aren’t like me at all. Most guys know they’ve blown it if the girl expected a kiss goodnight and didn’t get it. Most guys are probably expecting me to be like most girls and figure I want to be treated in the same way. How is a guy (or a girl) to know what’s part of a game, what’s too soon, too late, or just right with each and every girl (or guy)? If only most girls and most guys would stray from these dating games we could all go into our dates totally with a clean slate. No assumptions. No expectations. Just totally clueless as we all honestly are anyway. Then maybe we would all be a lot more clear in what we wanted and avoid all of this uneasy confusion. In the meantime, before my public service announcement on dating games gets any global reach, I suppose I’ll stick to vocalizing what I want on dates -and maybe even getting myself to make a first move when I want it to be made.
dating-rules

Dating Website Conversations That Went Nowhere

I went through some more messages in my dating website inbox. Here are some bad conversations which went nowhere on one site. Most of these are from a year ago or more…

Random Guy: mmmm
Myself: Yeah, you put a lot of thought into that message, I really want to reply.
Random Guy: You totally did reply, though.
: (
Myself: Yes, I replied with sarcasm.

Random Guy: I beleive in santa claus?
Myself: Fake profile as it’s hardly filled out, or attempt at being unique and hoping for a reply…
Random Guy: who has time 4 this
[Obviously not the guy who doesn’t have the time to spell out “for”…]

Random Guy: I’m wondering if you’d like to hang out with me this week.
Myself: I think it’ll take me a while to meet someone in person from here.
Random Guy: “My Turn Off’s: Not being open minded, ” [This is something he copy and pasted from my old profile.]
Myself: I don’t see how the two are related. One is a safety/comfort issue.

Random Guy: hi. you are way out of my league but maybe we can be besties? im great at errands and, um, all of that. wait nevermind how embarassingg. haha sorry! you rule! can i just paypal you for no reason?! eek
[I told him I wasn’t over someone, which was true at the time…It’s nicer than adding the part about how strange the message is.]

And then there was the time I gave a real answer to a guy I wasn’t interested in…

Random Guy: Why is it so hard to meet someone it feels right to be with.
Myself: Everyone is very different in many different ways. It’s rare to find someone who’s weaknesses pair well with your strengths (and vice versa), who has things in common with you enough to generally be on the same page with you in most situations, and who’s faults you can stand because of enough positivity in the rest of their personality traits. People have different priorities in relationships and you have to find someone who is strong enough in the categories most important to you, and what they lack only shows up in areas that don’t matter so much to you.
215534_10151102454323480_612368569_n

The Dating Cycle

Dating is exhausting. It’s an endless cycle one needs to repeat unless they’d rather remain single. Sure, I guess there are rare instances where it works out and stops –people do marry, and some don’t even get divorced…But then there’s that other chunk of us who scroll through our FaceBook newsfeeds day after day and wonder how it’s possible another person we know has gotten married, engaged, or pregnant each and every day when we haven’t even added anyone new in the longest time. Most of us witnessing this phenomenon are in our 20’s and 30’s, and have probably wondered about hitting our 40’s and see it all changing to “so and so’s relationship status has changed to divorced” day after day. Those of us dating over the last less-than-10 years are really the first to experience this social media craze in which our relationships are now broadcast more than ever. It’s a new norm we’re settling into and feeling the pressure of “keeping up” with those around us even more. Early into your 20’s is when you can still remember all too well, the general reaction being “Oh no!” over “Congratulations” upon finding out about someone’s pregnancy…But after some time it settles in that you’re an adult now. Only, sometimes dating doesn’t feel so adult. People play games, there seem to be unwritten rules to these games, and then we find many who just end up acting childish.

It’s the cycle that tires me. -The one in which you meet someone new, you think they may have some potential of being the type of person you’ll develop feelings for, and so you spend time with the person again and again. You talk and talk. You ask each other questions. You explain yourself to them, and learn about every bit of them that you can. You share and experience with them, all until you’ve developed some sort of positive connection. Money is spent. Thoughts are spent. Time is spent. You make sure you don’t check in too much, but still call just enough. Though, “just enough” is a different amount for everyone. You slowly work on getting used to someone new, feeling comfortable around them, understanding them, and hopefully they develop an understanding of you as well. You put your best impression out there while remaining yourself and the not-so-great rest of you is eventually exposed, as well as the other’s. You might even feel “love” (however you may define it) at some point beyond feeling “like.” And then when you’ve completed exhausted all of your energy doing this and feeling comfortable and accomplished in all you’ve gotten through, one of you will crush the other. One of you will end the relationship. And if the rejection, and acknowledgment of no longer being able to speak to or see someone you’ve come so accustomed to being with so often isn’t devastating enough, the fact that you will now need to repeat this entire process from the beginning with someone new will be. Even if you are one of those people that can eventually look back at something and remember the good, appreciate the experience, learn, and enjoy for the sake of experiencing, it still takes some time for that to settle in.

Now all of that is “best” case scenario, I must remind you that before you even get to “you meet someone who you think might have potential” you meet a lot of people who don’t. You weed through them on the internet, or in real life. You go to parties, to bars, to shows, to social gatherings of every type. You meet, and meet until you find someone who just “might” and even then they might not end up being a great match for you. There’s also often rejection in asking someone out, which is an even more personal type than the kind you might get on a job interview…Remind me again why those moments you shared where you were laughing and close outweigh the downsides of dating? Or is it that people get to a point where either the loneliness or in-the-moment good feeling temporarily blinds us from what dating is really like? Don’t forget the relationship quarrels as well! When my last relationship ended I found the fact that I’d have to start the cycle of dating from the beginning all over again, more upsetting than the fact that this person would no longer be a big part of my life. Maybe it’s just harder on introverts. Whether you’ve associated yourself with being an introvert, extrovert, or neither, I recommend reading “Quiet, The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking.” (I’m sure it’s on amazon.com or something.) Introverts like social interaction, but are drained by too much of it. I know that for me personally, the amount of social interaction one must go through to find a date has always been pretty draining. Enough dating can make one think, “is it really so bad to settle?” But I got a text from intellectual-conversation-guy which means a first in-person meeting is in the works…And so, I move into the next stage of the cycle…again.
dating-cat-allergies-cats-pet-pets-ecards-someecards

Tired Of Dating Guy & Bad Timing

A few months ago I met a guy at a party. We were in the middle of a good conversation as the party was winding down, so we headed to over my place. We continued talking throughout the night until we passed out around 7am. “Talking” wasn’t code name for anything -Nothing happened. When I woke up he was gone. There was no note, nothing left behind. It was the strangest feeling, like a one night stand (which I’ve never had anyway) -but without the sex- possibly making it even more depressing. Thanks to technology, I found him on the internet shortly after. He seemed interested in seeing me again. A few days later I invited him to a comedy show and got, “Sorry, I just met someone and we really hit it off, so I’m not interested in dating anyone else at this time.” I’d missed my opportunity in just a few days? Whatever happened to “you should wait a few days before calling after a first date?” Are you supposed to follow the damn rules or not? (Typically, I don’t.) It’d been a decent chunk of months since that day, so I decided to check in with him the other night and see if he wanted to hang out. Now, I found his blunt honesty pretty attractive, however it no longer seemed we were interested in the same thing. In just those few months he’d gone from searching for a date to searching just for sex. I know “all guys want sex” and all of that, but don’t we all sort of grow out of that “Woo, let’s just hook up!” phase by our early twenties or so? Maybe not. Either way, the timing was all off in yet another episode in the world of dating, and I will continue to be tired of the whole damn thing. I guess that’s just how dating leaves people after a while –you settle, give up, or just end up looking for sex. Here is a little (somewhat cut-down version) of the actual conversation…

Myself: hi, wanna hang out ever?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Lol sure, can I ask if the extracurricular activities that might have been on the table the first time we hung out still on the table (maybe)?
Myself: I don’t think I understand your question??
Tired Of Dating Guy: [There’s an elaboration on making out/etc. here…] I trying to refer to that in the least sleazy way and now it still sounds sleazy
Myself: Ohh…Well that’s kind of awkward to discuss? I mean, I don’t know I am single or whatever [Elaboration on being single…]…So if you ever saw me you’d just be interested in like hooking up, though?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Yeah it is awkward but I’ve been in a funk and frankly I put more weight in honestly. [Elaboration on me being single…] And no I’m cool with just hanging out but let’s be honest I’m a guy, we always think about hooking up.
[I love that he lumps himself into such a stereotyped category of guys.]
Tired Of Dating Guy: My apologies if that’s too blunt
Myself: I’m good with the honesty. [I continue to explain what I’m looking for…] I guess you’d have sounded like too much of an asshole if you just went with “Well yeah, I have no interest in seeing you except to hook up with you in some way…”
[We go on discussing what he’s looking for…]
Tired Of Dating Guy: And yes the past 4 months or so I’ve gone through some short periods of seeing someone and none of the situations panned out so I took a step back and at this point if any situation came up for me I’d prefer a more casual or no strings type of thing
[The rest of the conversation is sort of me just speaking through a long sigh as he tells me it’s all he’s looking for now.]

sex-dating-relationships-one-night-flirting-ecards-someecards

Dating Website Conversation #8

I’ve got another great example of why I’m tired of dating…The intellectual-conversation-guy hasn’t replied in days and if that wasn’t disappointing enough, my inbox’s recent messages have been replaced with the following conversation from someone else…

Random Guy: hello how are you beautiful
Myself: I’m alright, thanks.
I don’t think we would be a good match, though.
Good luck on your search here.
Random Guy: Oh thank u don’t break my heart now lol
Random Guy: You look amazing Poole are exiting when they saw you …with that elegant body well we can be friends if you Like it
Myself: No, thank you.
The way you write is really unattractive.
Random Guy: Ok I’m sorry I have to be ones with you I have some family problems and was on bad mood that’s why I talk with you unattractive
Random Guy: :(
Myself: It’s the grammar that bothers me.
Random Guy: I’m sorry but do not have a lot of years here
Random Guy: Well you probably born here but I came here lol
Myself: That’s understandable, but being on a dating site (which requires you to write messages) might not be the best place for you to meet people then.
Random Guy: Ok can just call me if you can or text my Internet it is very slow [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: um, no thank you. I’m not interested. Like I already mentioned, I don’t think we’re a good match. I just think it’s rude to ignore people, even on here, so I was just letting you know. You’re not the type of guy I want to date.
Good luck, though.
Random Guy: Ok lol bey
Random Guy: Ok thank you

Oh man, I should call him, record it, and take these posts to a whole new level! (Not quite there, yet…)
And seriously, who’s on 56k in this day and age anyway that they can’t even click “Send” on  online dating site message?
I wonder if some girls are as persistent when turned down as some of these guys are…
—Great news mid-posting (bad news for substance in my posts here)— Intellectual-conversation-guy has just replied after a long awaited 4 days!

(Or let's just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking...)

(Or let’s just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking…)

Dating Website Conversation #7

My dating website profile specifies that I am looking for guys in my age range (20’s), without children. Of course everyone else on the website is taking it as seriously as I am. Here is today’s winner, a recent message I haven’t replied to…

Random Guy: hi [MY USERNAME CENSORED] :)
I’ve been on here for less than two weeks and I think I’ve signed in twice! But your profile just came up as I was venturing into my first search and I enjoyed reading your witty responses and also thought that your photos were fabulous! So…..it would be great to chat sometime of you are interested….my profile is deliberately sparse so I’m [NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED], 41 years old, 5 10, originally from England, came to [CITY CENSORED] in 2010 via Canada. I’m 100% honest and upfront and that means declarations now! Lol never married, 12 year old daughter in Canada who I visit twice a month, I’m employed, never done drugs, never cheat and am sane, positive and easy going :)
I’d love to hear from you soon :)
[NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED]

Sometimes I’m not incredibly shocked, disgusted, annoyed, or amused by the messages I get, they just make me sigh…

Slow Motion

Recently, I noticed this floating around the internet, “When in panic mode, your eyes take in visual info at a higher rate, which is why everything seems to be moving in slow motion.” This may or may not be an entirely scientific fact, and you’re welcome to Google your own explanations, but regardless most should be able to relate to the feeling of life in slow motion. I can think of a few moments in my life where my surroundings felt as if I could see every detail of what was immediately in front of me yet it took forever to experience -such as sitting on the back of a bucking horse for the first time, a trash can being knocked over, down a believed-to-be abandoned street, and being chased by a sketchy stranger. I’ve learned it can also be felt upon receiving unexpected and unsettling news just the same, and have experienced it throughout every break up in which I wasn’t the one doing the dumping. To continue with the theme of my blog and tagline, above: “The reasons I’m tired of dating…” I thought I’d share a piece of something I’d once written after someone had broken up with me. I’m mostly sharing this, in hopes that another person getting into a relationship understands the possibility of their impact on the other…

“-But the feeling where everything around you disappears for a moment and you’re so focused on the person in front of you and the words being said, your mind completely forgets where you are and every other thought that had been in your mind, in that moment. It’s kind of like when something scares you and for half a second you have a moment of complete fear that something is about to end your life, and time moves at a completely different pace than it was before. It’s a feeling I will always be able to pin point. I know it so well. Everything just freezes for a moment and you just want it to stop but you’re completely powerless. And you’re faced with your biggest insecurities, fears, self doubt, and weaknesses. -And how can you even protest all the ones that you know are true but never wanted to admit to another?”
484054_10151102454613480_1508669323_n

Dating Website Questions #2

I skimmed through some old messages to find those I’d politely declined conversing with. I found the guy who had me so disgusted with men/humanity I actually took a shower because I felt so awful being reminded that there are people like him in the world. His profile angered me and there wasn’t a single answer he gave to one question which I would’ve preferred hearing. From insignificant to important topics, I disagreed with or was upset by each of his answers. He actually chose answers to every question I ever thought “who would even ever choose that answer?!” about. Here are a few of the random questions and his answers…

Dating Website Question: Gay marriage –should it be legal?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Assume you have a homosexual friend who is the same gender as you. Would it bother you if they hugged you?
Random Guy’s Answer: Only if I thought the hug was more than friendly.
Dating Website Question: Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Is anything in life more important than your own self-interest?
Random Guy’s Answer:
No
Dating Website Question: Which describes you better, cool-headed or warm-hearted?
Random Guy’s Answer:
Cool-headed
Dating Website Question: Have you been faithful in all of your past relationships?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever lead someone on romantically just for fun?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Have you ever told someone that you loved them when you didn’t?
Random Guy’s Answer:
Yes
Dating Website Question: Are sex and intimacy the same thing?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Would you honestly answer any question concerning your sexual history that a partner might ask?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever lied to a partner about your sexual history?
Random Guy’s Answer:
Yes
Dating Website Question: Is there such a thing as having had too many sex partners?
Random Guy’s Answer:
No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Do you believe that men should be the heads of their households?
Random Guy’s Answer:
Yes
Dating Website Question: Some religions are more correct than others.
Random Guy’s Answer: True
Dating Website Question: Do you leave the lights on after leaving a room when they are no longer necessary?
Random Guy’s Answer: Usually –This isn’t very important.
Dating Website Question: Do you attempt to conserve water, energy or other resources during your everyday life?
Random Guy’s Answer: No, I don’t care
Dating Website Question: On average which best describes how often you get wicked drunk?
Random Guy’s Answer: Twice a week or more
Dating Website Question: Could you live the rest of your life without drinking alcohol
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Are you a genius?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Are you a good liar?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes

…At least this extremely dishonest sounding person was honest in his dating profile answers?

(Though, I think the same thing could be said about a lot of girls.)

(Though, I think the same thing could be said about a lot of girls.)

Introductory Post & Disclaimer

Hello Readers!

Like many people, I’m tired of dating. I’ve created this blog to vent my frustrations and share some anecdotes of my experiences in the world of dating. I hope to make light of some of the interactions I have in my dating experiences and experiments. My goal is to feel united with others involved in the same struggles as myself and perhaps offer them the same type of comfort/closure. We’ll see where it goes from there!

Let me please preface this by stating that I admit I am by far not the perfect date
and have just as many flaws as the next person. I plan on remaining anonymous
and ask that those who know who I am respect my anonymity as well. I also promise
that I will never expose anyone’s real name/username in my entries or provide
information which may lead to their exposure. Though, I do plan on making fun
of situations and conversations, let me be clear that it is not my intention to
cause any emotional stress or harm to those I write about or quote. I respect
those individuals I speak of as people, and by no means do I feel overall superior
to them. I truly wish them all the best of luck in their own dating endeavors and hope
that if any of them were to stumble across this they would not be deterred from
any future relationships. I sincerely apologize in advance for anyone who I may
upset in these entries.

Please refrain from negative comments and know that I do not regularly go trolling the internet for my amusement at the expense of others. Also, please note that I was never the first to begin any of the conversations I share from my online dating experiences. Any time in which I may come off as mean, please keep in mind that I’m a good person who’s just extremely frustrated.
online-dating-profile-lonely-despise-flirting-ecards-someecards