Still Very Much Single

Posted on September 10, 2013 by TiredOfDating

You know, everything about The Dating Cycle is really starting to frustrate me again. I think at times I just sort of go on pointless date after date, just sort of floating through everything, but right now I’m feeling pretty frustrated again. For one thing, I’m getting about 5 messages a day on these dating sites. Great, right? Nope. They’re all from men with an extremely low match rating to me (I’d never have interest in them) and a lot of them are nearly double my age. This means no one is reading my profile to see what we have in common, or to notice that I indicate I’m currently interested in dating women -and someone close to my age. (I shouldn’t be surprised, of course I know people just look at the pictures –But if you’re about to send someone a message, seriously how do you not even skim their profile first?)
Then there’s the girl from a couple of weeks ago. Let’s go in order:

Girl messages me.
I reply. (We exchange a few messages over a couple of days.)
She asks me to meet her.
I ask when and where.
5 days pass.
I send her some question marks.
She sends me her number and asks if we can switch to texts.
I text her.
She says she’ll be free next weekend.
Next weekend is coming up and she tells me she’s free Thursday instead. (We have a time but not a place.)
Tuesday I ask her where we’re meeting.
She asks if we can switch it to Saturday.
Wednesday I ask her where we’re meeting Saturday.
We discuss an area, but no place or time. (She asks if we can discuss it closer to Saturday.)
Friday night I ask her what’s going on with the next day.
No reply until Monday. (She says she went away for the weekend again and wishes she wasn’t so busy.)
Her last text read, “It’s lonely not having time for people.”
My reply text, “It’s lonely having time and no people lol”
Her reply text, “Okay give me some time and ill give you a person”
My last reply text, “Haha alright fair trade”
(Because what better things do I have going on anyway? I’m really turned off by people being this flakey. It’s really not something I want to deal with especially when it comes to dating. I’m really not expecting to ever meet up with her. But somehow this is the most I have right now. This is boring.)

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
-Movie: Love & Death (By Woody Allen)

Dateless Again

Posted on September 8, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So, Saturday’s date never happened. No big surprise there. She was extremely flakey when we were trying to schedule a meet up, so I was mostly expecting her to flake out again. And of course after the way Friday’s date went, I don’t think I’ll being seeing her again. …So, I suppose I’m back at the start again, (again, again, again, again.) So, let’s look at the promising messages in my inbox today!…

Random Guy: Hey there me an my girl are looking for a partner she is 35
Myself: No thanks, I’m not looking for couples.
Random Guy: What are you looking for
[Because you will suddenly be able to be whatever I’m looking for?]
Myself: A girl under 30 to date/eventually have a relationship with.
[Okay, so maybe I’m not that strict with age and would date someone 30, but he doesn’t need to know that]
Random Guy: What about a guy
Myself: Nope, did that for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years, taking a break from them at this time.
Random Guy: Ok I’m single the girl I’m wit is just a friends we have sex sometimes
[Oh, well then that changes everything, why didn’t you say so in the first place…]
Myself: Yeah, not what I’m interested in.
Random Guy: Ok but
[No! No but’s! This is not a situation where a “but” fits in! We’re done here!]
Myself: Good luck on your search!
Random Guy: You to if you wan to have fun let me no
[Yeah, you’ll be the first person on my mind if I decide I “wan to have fun”]

Random Guy: Hi. How are you? [NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Hi, I’m alright. Interested in someone under 30 and female, though.
Random Guy: Ok. I know someone who fits that desperation. But let me check with her first.
[NAME CENSORED]
[Uhh, what are you like a salesman? Oh, you need a size 4? I think I have a size 4, let me check!]
Myself: Thanks, but I’m just gonna stick to finding them on my own.
Random Guy: Lol. Ok. No worries. Good luck.

Second First-Date With A Girl

Posted on September 6, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So tonight’s date couldn’t have gone that well or I guess I’d still be on it.
First the good parts: She was attractive, nice, dressed very similar to me, paid for my drink, and we could probably be friends.
Now the reasons I’m home by 9 on a Friday night: She said she had to go home to feed her dog. Her dog who she thinks of as her son. I’m an animal person and all, but she told me that she’s raising him Jewish. Mind you she also mentioned she wasn’t raised religious, but her family is Protestant. She bought him a sweater with the star of David, a yarmulke (yamaka), got a menorah to light with him for Hanukkah, and I’m pretty sure she mentioned a restricted (Kosher?) diet. Do I even need to get to the part where she did this annoying “Mmmhmm” thing after everything I said and constantly made me feel like she was looking down upon me? I would probably see her again if she asked me, but I’d steer it in the direction of something more friendly or just physical. I think the odds of us meeting again are slim based on her not ordering another drink, ending the night, and keeping her distance during my hug goodbye. I didn’t get the feeling she was as down to earth and open as I prefer people to be either. I think I was an okay date to her, though. I smiled when she spoke about the time she painted her dog’s nails red and I shared a story about my cats to participate. I probably should have come up with a better answer about what I’m doing with my life, but writing these very words in this blog –Do I honestly have a better answer? Overall it wasn’t so bad, we just didn’t click, just like most of the dates I’ve ever gone on. Time to repeat it tomorrow if that other girl ever gets back to me?

(Well, at least tonight’s was free.)

Mind Of An Over-Thinker

Posted on September 5, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Before every first date…Should I wear this? What about that? This color sends the wrong message. Too low cut. What if I wear this under it? Nope. Well, this gives me no shape. That’s ugly, why do I own that? Too tight. Too girly. What if they dress casually and I’m too dressed up? What if I dress too casually? These shoes do not match this outfit. I can’t walk in these shoes. Is this “me” enough for a first impression? Jeans or dress? A dressy shirt and jeans? Is this shirt see-through? Only in the sunlight. What time does the sun set tomorrow? What’s the weather tomorrow? Is it going to rain? What do I do with my hair if it rains? Can these shoes get wet? Now how do I look good in this without looking like I spent this much time trying to pick it out? What time do I have to be there? How long does it take me to get there? I better write down the address. I better write down the directions. Do not drink too much. Do not drink too much. I wonder if I’m going to have to pay. I have to bring extra cash. I better only order things I can afford. I can not go home with them tonight. I can not bring them home tonight. I will not drink too much. I am allowed two drinks that night. Two. I will sip my drinks slowly. I hope they’re interesting. Am I interesting? What do I have to tell about myself? Do not mention that, or that…or that. I hope their pictures were accurate. I hate dating. We’re going to ask each other the same boring questions all over again. I’m so tired of dating. Keep your expectations low. Keep them low and it can only be better, not worse. Here I go, spinning around and around in the dating cycle again. Circling and circling…

(Waiting For Dates To Write About)

Posted on September 4, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Besides having two dates for this weekend (provided they don’t cancel or stand me up) I’m feeling like things are going slow again and I’ve had less to write about. Here, have a look at some recent conversations from my dating site inbox…

Random Guy: How do they come up with this enemy percentage? I mean, does 45 percent of you hate BIG belly laughs until your cheeks are WET from happy tears?
Myself: What?. ……..
And, it’s based on the answers you give to the questions on here. I have found the match % is usually pretty accurate as the people with lower match %’s end up being those you’d have the least interest in.
[He had an extremely low match % to me]

Random Girl: interested in watching?
Myself: What?
Random Girl: me and my girl having sex…
Myself: No thanks, looking more to just date someone
Random Girl: gotcha

Dating Website Conversation #15

Posted on September 2, 2013 by TiredOfDating

…And so it continues…

Random Guy: hey, I’d love to get to know you– would you like to meet up sometime for a drink or do something else like going to a museum? I’m not a girl… but guys are cool, too! :)
-[NAME CENSORED]
[“Something else like going to a museum” really sounds like “Whatever I always see girls saying they like on their profile”]
Myself: Sorry, no thanks.
Yeah, guys are cool- but I did the seeing guys thing for the last [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years. I’m taking a break at the moment. Just don’t really have the interest at this time.
Random Guy: K cool :) dont blame u, I’m sick of girls. If I could, I would turn gay haha
[How does he go from asking me out to wishing he was gay?]

On another note, do you remember my post “Relationships On FaceBook”? I have now witnessed someone get engaged on my newsfeed, make a status update about breaking up, then five days later change their relationship status back to engaged with the comment “We’re back together!” We really need to figure out proper FaceBook relationship etiquette these days.

Back To The Bar Scene

Posted on September 1, 2013 by TiredOfDating

In bed with a hangover, but the blog must go on! Last night I wound up with a group of friends at the lesbian bar I’d been to a couple of weeks ago and this time it was packed. I found it was a very different scene than my first visit, and with a few more drinks than the last time I didn’t have much trouble talking to anyone. Unfortunately, all of the girls I spoke to turned out to be straight and just there for friends or siblings I didn’t find very attractive. One woman tried to teach me how to dance and I did enjoy listening to a group of girls with an accent I really liked. Overall I had a good time, though I didn’t really get anywhere successful in my dating life…Except for one message I came home to in my dating site inbox:
“And would you be free to meet up for drinks on Thursday?”
It was from a girl who’d actually replied when I sent out another 10 messages a few days ago. I don’t know a lot about her, but I like the idea of meeting someone in person first to find out more. Thursday is the day the girl who texted me wanted to meet, and although we have a time, she never replied with a place so I’m not even sure that’s happening. I’m still keeping the possibility open so I asked if this girl was free a different day.

Guy Who Can’t Give Up

Posted on August 30, 2013 by TiredOfDating

You remember my post about “Clingy Guy”? Well, he must have seen a picture I posted on my dating website profile from an event I went to recently and sent me this message…

Clingy Guy: Did you see me at the [EVENT CENSORED]??? I didn’t see or recognize you!
Myself: I didn’t

I’m so relieved he said that he didn’t see me and I didn’t run into him there! I was really hesitant to even answer him, but I figured if I gave a really short, negative response, it might give a hint that I didn’t want to continue the conversation. Although, this was the guy who was never able to take a hint. But seriously, it’s been eight months since that one time I met him, how can he still be speaking to me as if that’s totally normal?!

On another note, I also received this message…

Random Guy: Hello [MY USERNAME CENSORED],
I just wanted to say your profile was well written and worth the read. I know you are only looking to date girls right now so I just want to send good vibes and positive energy your way.
Cheers,
[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: Thanks =)

I thought that was nice. It’s a refreshing break from the usual…Hoping I can utilize some of those good vibes and positive energy soon.

Smaller # Of Fish In The Sea Than I Thought

Posted on August 29, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So, I’m pretty much back to where ever I was a week or so ago. Yesterday I texted the girl from my post “First First-Date With A Girl” asking her if she was still interested in coming by to watch a show we’d discussed. No reply. Last night I found out that she used to date my girl crush from my post “Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?” who sparked my attempts at dating women. I’m pretty sure they even met through the same dating website. I’m not sure why, but I almost immediately lost any interest I’d had in her –though of course she has no idea about my discovery of this, or my crush on someone she’s dated. I’m pretty happy we never mentioned names of those we’d dated or had crushes on. I’m also glad I decided against inviting her to an event my original girl-crush would have been at. It’s funny actually- when we met, she expressed being put off by how small she felt the gay/bi community was for women on these sites and how everyone seems to know each other on them.
Today she sent me the following text:
“Hey sorry I took so long to get back to you; i got this when work was super hectic. It’d be fun to watch it but i’m kind of just starting to see someone so I do want to be straight up abt that. It was too early to say anything before and probably still too early but It seems better to be more upfront than not. Im sorry; i still feel really ill equipped when it comes to the dating scene.”
She was pretty surprised by how truly okay I was with this answer today. I suppose the timing of the news, my feelings on it, and the timing of her reply just sort of worked out for the best.
Moving on, last night I also got a text from an entirely new girl from the dating website. We haven’t spoken much, but we made plans to meet next week. Oh how my life suddenly sounds like some little soap opera story. (And these are just the parts I share with you!)

(Goldfish Bowl = Dating Website)

Dating Website Conversation #13

Posted on August 27, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So the silly messages I reply to on the dating websites when I’m not interested continue to form silly conversations…

Random Guy: I just stared at your profile for 30 minutes trying to think of what to say to get you to say “take me now, daddy” and this is the most I’ve had to work for a girl.
Myself: Girls really reply positively towards messages you send like this?
Random Guy: yes.
i’m [NAME CENSORED], and this is my cat
[LINK TO CAT PICTURE CENSORED]
what’s your name?
Myself: That’s surprising.
Guess I’m not one of those girls.
Not really interested in sharing my name either, I don’t think we’re a good match.
Random Guy: they know it’s a joke. i don’t think i’m old enough to pull off being called daddy.
i actually didn’t think we were a good match either. but i made this profile when i was looking for something else. now when i see your profile, i don’t know, things just seem to make more sense.
Myself: Well, I have a better sense of humor & I’m not interested.
Also, since you were paying such close attention to my profile, I suppose you just decided to ignore the part about how I’m interested in dating a girl at this time?
Random Guy: it’s condescending to say you have a better sense of humor. and your profile says looking for guys and girls who like bi guys.
[He probably meant to type “girls” instead of “guys” at the end.]
Myself: I said I had a better sense of humor as a way of saying I didn’t find your joke funny. My profile says “At the moment, I’m interested in dating girls, not guys.” (which is an exact copy and paste.)
Random Guy: Different =/= better
Myself: Right, but I phrased it that way to express that I wasn’t a fan of the joke…
[But seriously anyone who thinks that line from a stranger is funny and feels intrigued to hear more can’t possibly have a good sense of humor.]

Opinions Of Friends

Posted on August 26, 2013 by TiredOfDating

This blog is anonymous, though a few of my friends know about it. I’ve felt comfortable and free to speak my mind for the most part here, though it’s odd I haven’t felt the same opportunities to be as open with my friends. The reaction from of my male friends to my interest in dating women has been positive for the most part. I think it’s just the popular appeal to many straight men of two women together that leaves them so accepting. My female friends haven’t had the same reaction. I get a lot of “Oh.”, “Alright then…”, or “Interesting” from them. I know that these words translate to something else and they reek of discomfort and uncertainty. I can tell my best friend wants to be happy for me with whoever I meet. I know she wants to be nice and listen to my stories. I know her word selection is her trying to the best of her ability, but it’s been extremely disappointing because I can’t help but see through it. Why does it make them feel so uncomfortable? Do they think I will suddenly be attracted to them? Do they really think that after all the years of me not feeling anything romantic towards them that will suddenly change because I realize I’m able to feel that way towards other women? Do they really think that they can’t relate to me anymore, after years of spending time together and sharing stories? Are they jealous in some twisted way? Do they see someone female as a threat to our friendship? Do they feel like they suddenly don’t know me as well as they thought they did and are questioning more about me as a person? Do they think it’s a joke and aren’t taking me seriously for it? Are they trying not to feed into it because I’ve already expressed that even I, myself, think it’s just a phase? I’ve always been pretty sure that none of my friends were homophobic, but they’re seriously causing me to question their opinions on this. I hadn’t seen it as a big deal because I’m still interested in men as well. Why does it seem to be such huge news to them? Perhaps it’s just sort of come as a surprise, so they haven’t had time to make up their opinion about it. Though, why should they have to think about it so much? I feel like I’m being treated as if I’m some sort of novelty when they share my story with friends who aren’t as close to us. I don’t mind so much if others know this about me, but if it’s being talked about just because it’s “weird” or “funny” –I’d really rather not just be the center of some gossip. I’m disappointed in my friends because I feel like if I end up in something serious with someone female, all of my friends will end up pretty distant from me.

First First-Date With A Girl

Posted on August 25, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So, I’ve come a long way since my post “Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?” and changing my dating website profile from “Straight” to “Bisexual.” After 25 unanswered messages to women, I finally got a reply and wound up asking if she was free this weekend. I was excited and nervous because it was my first time going out with a girl. We actually walked along the beach, getting to know each other and I thought “Did we really just have the ultimate cliché date with a long walk on the beach?” We got some drinks, some food, played a little skeeball (she’d never played it before), and some other silly arcade-type game. We turned in the tickets we’d won for a temporary tattoo and plastic lizard. We rode my favorite two rides at the park and then grabbed dinner in another neighborhood. We headed home after 7 hours together, so I have to say –it went pretty well. She was cute, nice, interesting, fun…She even reminded me a little of the girl I originally developed a crush on, which started this whole idea…We agreed it was awkward for a first meeting to be a date, so I’m not sure if it’ll end up as just a friends thing, but I’d like to see her again. I did learn something important from the experience even if I don’t: I can definitely see myself dating a girl, in the same way I’d date a guy and feel pretty comfortable with it. It’s opened up a world of options and although I’ll probably run into the same frustrations that I have dating men, it’s nice to have a little more selection of potential dates. The variety does add some interesting change to the whole dating game anyway.

I realized how many times I’d fallen victim to typical stereotyped gender roles that no longer existed when dating a girl. I’d generally waited for a guy to ask me out, rather than suggesting it to him. I’d see if the guy was going to pay for my meal/drinks rather than offering to chip in right away. I’d wonder if the guy was going to try to kiss me goodnight, rather than it being something I’d initiate or not. I’d see if the guy put his arm around me, reached for my hand, or put his hand on my leg. With men taken out of the equation, everything feels a lot more equal and also with some added pressure on myself when it comes to decision making. Yesterday’s date was a good experience if nothing else. I caught myself thinking, “Should have held the door for her that time”, “I should have paid for her lunch, I asked her out”, “I’m going to pay for her drink this time”, and all of the other little things I used to use as indicators with men of being on a date or not that would pass through my mind. But once I realized how unimportant all of those things had been all along, I could let go of some of the stress that I’d held wondering which one of us was supposed to jump in and take action. I was finally getting a little further away from the dating games I’d always despised. I felt like the focus wasn’t about who did what and just ended up being more about caring for the other person and looking out for them over yourself, which really should always be the case in any relationship. It didn’t matter what gender we were, we were just people. I felt free from the stereotypes of what men want and like, and it was just about what either of us wanted or not at that time. As someone who enjoys trying new things, yesterday was certainly an enjoyable experience.

Dating Website Conversation #12

Posted on August 23, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I don’t think these kind of dating website conversations will ever get old…

Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hi…As I mentioned on my profile, I’m interested in dating girls right now.
Random Guy: Ok but do 3some ;-)
Myself: Not something I’m interested in, no.
Random Guy: 4some
Myself: I’m taking a break from guys and shifting my attention to one woman at a time.
Random Guy: U should try me
Random Guy: Whenever u want we can be sex partner
Myself: You’re male, you sent me an uninteresting message without reading my profile, we have a low match rating, and if I want sex I already know someone who can help me out with that. I’m not interested.
Random Guy: U don’t know me
Random Guy: And u do t know what u want
Random Guy: U should give me a chance
Myself: I don’t know you, but I can tell enough about you from your messages and profile to know there isn’t more about you I’m interested in knowing.
I do know what I want and you aren’t a part of any of it.
No thank you, I have no reason to give you a chance, except possibly pity…But I believe that you could improve yourself enough to find someone who would be suitable for you, and therefore there’s no need to pity you either.
Random Guy: Yea but I want u
Myself: This doesn’t really concern me because you don’t know me well and if you did, you would see that we were not a good match.
You just want to be with someone -not specifically me-
If you better yourself as a person a bit, fix up your profile, change the way you speak, you just might have some luck at finding someone, too.
Random Guy: Yes but it’s to boring
Random Guy: Can u help me find a gf
Myself: No, I’m trying to find one for myself and don’t really have the extra time.
Hit a bar in the meantime.
Random Guy: Haha ok Than I’m gona find for U because U r nice ı like u
Myself: Not even sure what that sentence was supposed to be, but alright. Good luck on your search.
Random Guy: I mean I’m going to find a gf for u
Myself: Okay, thanks.

So, you think he’ll end up finding me a decent girlfriend? Hilarious.

Your Opinion Here

Posted on August 19, 2013 by TiredOfDating

A lull in my dating life is causing my posts here to lack a little of their usual luster. Good news is that one of the 25 girls I sent messages to the other night finally sent an actual reply! Fingers crossed it’s not the last I hear from her. While I await messages, meeting new people, and think of things I wish to share with you all…Take my poll! I’m also accepting suggestions on (dating-related) topics you’d be interested in hearing my opinion on. (Though, I can’t guarantee I’ll end up writing about it or answering your questions, I will do my best to keep you all in mind.)

No Success At The Bar

Posted on August 18, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So, last night I made it out to the bar I was suggested to try with a male friend. It was surprisingly busy when we arrived early but seemed to clear out as the night went on. I plan on heading back in a week or two, and possibly catching the Happy Hour crowd. Needless to say, I was not successful in meeting anyone, and the following thoughts went through my mind…
-A decent amount of attractive girls go to that bar.
-I am just as terrified/shy of walking up to a girl at a bar as I am about walking up to a guy.
-I should learn how to dance.
-I should find more opportunities to stand alone rather than with someone.
-I should not order a martini unless I’m sitting at the bar because I will spill it all over myself and others.
As we left, my friend said, “Well, at least we looked at some girls and that was fun. That’s how most nights go when I’m out with guys anyway.” I think I’m officially concluding that (straight) guys have it harder than (straight) girls when it comes to dating whether it’s online or out in the real world.

Still Waiting

Posted on August 17, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Well, 25 messages to girls later and only one replied –to tell me she wasn’t interested. Though, at least her message was pretty genuine and friendly. The girl who sent me a message never replied again either. I guess my next attempt will be at a bar. And my inbox continues to fill with messages from guys I’m not interested in as usual…

Random Guy: hey how are you
Myself: I’m alright, but that doesn’t matter, you weren’t actually asking. -You asked that with the same tone that every cashier ever asked you with. You know, where they don’t actually care about your answer and you give them the fake “Good.” Your message could’ve been “f98rjefe” it was just to see if you’d get a reply and not anything you really put any effort into or thought about.
Anyway, you’re just another one of those people who went to my profile, looked at my pictures, read half of one sentence from my profile, and completely missed the part that said I’m interested in dating girls at the moment, not guys.
Random Guy: Ok have fun

Random Guy: Hi,
My name is [NAME CENSORED].
I am looking for a good relationship with a nice girl.
I am shy, funny and loyal.
Please text me a message to know each other.
Have a lovely day
[PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: Sorry, as I mentioned on my profile. I am interested in dating a girl at this time.
Random Guy: Thank you for your message
[So, do you think he sent this message to every profile he came across? Maybe he thought he’d get a random text in front of his friends and he’d say, “Its from this girl I’ve been talking to.”]

Where Does Love Go?

Posted on August 16, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I was in a four year relationship at the end of my teens. He was many of my firsts including my first serious relationship. We shared the typical memories couples share at that age. That funny time when… That time he was so sweet when… The time that we almost… Then there was that one time… The ups, the downs. The closeness. Every new experience shared. And the drama after the break-up. And then one day I woke up and decided I was done with every one of these memories and that part of my past. I hid away every drop of it. Everything and anything that had even the slightest resemblance to him I put in a box at the bottom of my closet. I convinced myself that we had never shared these days together. I trained myself to believe that I had never met him. At first it was difficult. Of course I knew we’d met, but after some practice I’d somehow convinced my brain that it had never happened. I’d force new thoughts into my mind whenever it would stray towards him. Eventually some sort of default setting took over where my conscious mind no longer experienced thoughts about him because every incoming thought would be immediately replaced with another. I had truly conditioned myself to believe he’d never been a part of my life. Over time it became easier and more natural. I’d really wiped my mind clean of every bit, right down to nearly every digit of his phone number. Think Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. I’d erased him. I couldn’t remember a single moment we’d ever spent together.

Some years later, when I was over him, all I was left with was this vague idea of once dating him with a complete blur of every detail. I opened the box. For the first time in probably about 5 years, I opened the box at the bottom of my closet with every love letter, photograph, ticket stub, shirt, charm, and trinket that related to him. Something eerie happened. I still had no recollection of any of the relationship. Here there was proof that I could hold in my hands, but it might as well have been someone else’s past. Paragraphs that he’d written, that I knew I had read each night years ago and had once felt a strong connection to each word, now held no relevance. Pictures of us at places I couldn’t remember being at. A Valentines’ Day card I just stared at, blankly. I knew I’d felt immensely strong feelings at one point which tied to all of these things. I knew I had once deeply cared about this person. I knew I had tears shed for him and I knew I hadn’t just invented the whole ordeal. Yet, I didn’t feel a single thing. I picked up his shirt and held it to my face. They say scent is a strong trigger for memory. Nothing. I looked at pictures of myself next to him, smiling, happy, I felt nothing. I read his words “You’re my first love and you always will be” scribbled across the paper and I felt nothing. All I could think about was how strange it was something that had once had such a tremendous hold over me could now not exist at all. Something that had clearly once meant the world to him, which he’d expressed through countless little notes, was nothing more than bits of ink on paper now. I sat there between crumbling dried roses, a broken drumstick, a bracelet, photo albums, CDs, greeting cards, handwritten letters, and wondered what happens to love after it’s gone. Such a powerful emotion must hold so much energy. Energy doesn’t just disappear. Where had it gone? How was it that something which was once present so vividly, with such strength, could no longer exist at all? Why was I able to acknowledge a feeling once existed so easily, yet not be able to feel it in the least. After years of work to forget every detail, for the first time I missed my memories.

A few days later, I wanted to confirm it. After years of cutting off all contact, hiding my eyes from all photographs, even preventing his name from passing through my lips and ears, I dialed his number from an old address book I’d kept. “Hi, this is um…[MY NAME CENSORED] -We dated about five years ago?”…“Of course I remember who you are!” We met for a drink. And still, nothing. I felt no difference towards him than I might’ve any other acquaintance I’d met long ago. There was no anger. No spark. I was not hurt. I did not care for him any more than any other fellow human being. We in fact hardly had anything in common at all. Except an entire four years together, that had now somehow ceased to exist, even within the past. The love that had once lived and clearly been expressed between us had vanished entirely. And I still wondered what had happened to it and where it had gone. In a silly and corny kind of way, I sometimes look at the stars and wonder if any energy related to any of the things I’d ever felt had somehow floated up, out, and away, and was now nestled some place in-between the vast emptiness, planets, and stars. Yes, maybe that’s where the love we’d created had gone. Maybe that’s where my memories were preserved. Meshed in with every other bit of energy that had ever escaped every other creature.

First Female Message

Posted on August 15, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Last night I got my first message from a girl on a dating website and I must say I was overly excited. (I mean my first “official” message, not counting couples/etc.) The message was extremely uninteresting and I’d have probably ignored it or given a silly reply if it came from anyone else…But after weeks of an inbox full of just men, there was no way I wasn’t going to give a friendly answer. I mean, it could’ve been worse –she said “Hi, how are you? How is your week going?” Okay, this kind of killed every creative word that may have been in me, I gave a boring answer, and await the non-stimulating conversation that will occur…But I suppose I’d still meet her if it came up. I guess I haven’t become too picky yet when it comes to girls because those interested in me seem so hard to find. She’s actually one of the original three girls I bookmarked way before I even considered changing my profile from “straight” to “bisexual.” I actually never messaged her because I wasn’t really thrilled with the way she answered some questions about honesty and some of her interests, but I figure someone might be different in person. I think she might have messaged me only because I accidentally clicked on her profile a bunch of times. She hasn’t replied since last night, so I sent messages to 22 new girls. I mean, at least one of them has to reply, right? So, I’m officially on a break from guys. The interest has been temporarily disabled and I’ve moved my focus to women for the time being. Well, except for this one guy who comes by sometimes while I’m single –But that story’s for an entirely different post ;-)

Guidelines Of A Strictly Sexual Relationship

Posted on August 13, 2013 by TiredOfDating

As I wrote “If you’re dating someone wrong for you but the sex is great, stop dating and keep the sex” on my post “Keep It Simple” I thought I’d make a suggested list on keeping a relationship strictly sexual. (Provided someone one day ends up in this position, with this opportunity.) The idea is to make sure neither person winds up attached or feeling as if they’re tied down, so that both can still freely seek and pursue other relationships. I changed this from “Rules” to “Guidelines” because nearly all of these “rules” can be bent or broken (at least once in a while) depending on the specific situation and those involved. Those involved should be able to find a balance between them that works.

-Wear condoms.
(Safety first: Always avoid disease and unwanted pregnancy.)
-Avoid hanging out outside of the bedroom, in the same way you’d hang out with your other friends.
(You probably get along well, but you’re going to feel like you’re dating if there are too many non-sexual meet-ups.)
-Keep it to about once a week, though random late night calls are acceptable -but can be declined.
(If you see each other too often, you risk becoming attached. Too few times and each meeting may feel somewhat awkward.)
-Don’t spend the night.
(Just avoid getting too close and excessively doing anything you’d do in a relationship with another.)
-Get dressed and say goodnight when it’s over.
(If good conversation, cuddling with someone, and kissing goodnight is going to make you fall for them, don’t do it.)
-Limit conversations in-between meeting.
(It’s nice to check-in to be friendly once in a while, but you shouldn’t be talking every day.)
-Get what you want out of it.
(Don’t let the other person be the only one getting something out of the situation.)
-Talk about it and go over the guidelines.
(Make sure you’re both on the same page about the situation and have a mutual agreement. Communication is important for all relationships –even those that are sexual.)
-If you don’t want to be single, continue to search for new potential dates.
(Make sure you stay as active in your search for a relationship as you would outside of seeing this person. Don’t become reliant on your meet-ups.)
-Don’t start a strictly sexual relationship with someone you have romantic feelings for.
(It’s not worth the stress and getting crushed later on. If you start to develop feelings for the person, it’s time to end it.)
-Make the most of it.
(It’s a temporary situation for as long as it lasts, so enjoy it for what it is and don’t let what it isn’t get you down.)

Awkward Parties

Posted on August 11, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I went to a couple of parties this weekend and learned a few things:
– My first reaction is still currently set to skim my surroundings for attractive girls before attractive guys.
-It’s really hard for me to tell if a girl likes girls unless she specifically says it, or is glued to her significant other.
-Straight girls often say things that could easily be interpreted as them not being straight.

At one party I spent a few minutes in an awkward position. My best friend was pushing me to tell our other friend about my interest in dating a girl. I’d have been more hesitant if it were more sober. Somehow I ended up sitting in a chair while 5 or so other girls sat around me on the floor like it was children’s story time and I told my story of changing my dating website from “straight” to “bisexual” and answered their questions. One guy was listening in. I didn’t know him, but he’d come off as creepy to me the entire night. He leaned over and said, “So, you kissed a girl and you liked it?” and my friend corrected him, “No, she just wants to.” He goes, “So you want to kiss a girl?” and again I correct him, “No, I want to date one and eventually be in a relationship. I don’t just want to kiss one.” He says, “Yeah, but kissing is included in that.” And I reply, “Well if you want a girlfriend, you don’t go around telling people you want to find someone to kiss, even though it’s included.” Seeing that in his mind all he was doing was picturing me making out with some imaginary girl and completely ignoring the fact that I wanted to find some sort of emotional bond with another, I walked away. I’m never going to escape guys reacting this way, am I? Skimming through my dating website inbox, it doesn’t seem like it. No, world –I am not interested in a threesome right now. I like guys but I’m taking a break from dating them in hopes of dating a girl. That’s it!

“Bisexual” On Dating Websites

Posted on August 7, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Did you know that apparently a lot of couples are on dating websites looking for a third partner? -And apparently they often send messages to girls who have their profiles set to “Bisexual.” Did you know that if you’re a girl and you set your profile to “Bisexual” on a dating website you will get a lot more messages from guys who are close to twice your age and ignore the age range in which you’ve indicating you’re interested in dating. And did you know that girls hardly ever reply to messages on dating websites? Well, I have confirmed all of these things to be true over the last few days. I guess I’m not surprised, but I was just hoping to be. And so, dating websites continue to cause me to sigh as I sign into them. A friend suggested I try going to a lesbian bar. Why did this not occur to me sooner? I suppose I’ll make a post summarizing how that goes when I get a chance to head over there (probably within the next two weeks.)

I would feel more confident in taking my break from guys if only I felt there were any girls I’d like who’d also have interest in me. I can only really confirm two girl-crushes I’ve had and neither of them are available. I’ve also been feeling a little paranoid about how those who know me might perceive this in some sort of negative way. I know I’ve personally yelled an intoxicated “attention-whores!” at two straight girls who were making out at a bar so that guys would buy them more drinks (–Of course, only because I was aware my outburst would never be heard over the music blasting.) I just don’t want anyone else to think I’m trying to attract the interest of guys by doing this. It’s really just something for myself –and the more I think about it, I’m really surprised this idea never occurred to me sooner. I’ve always said I was bi-curious, interested in hooking up with a girl at some point in my life. I know I’d first decided that some time in my early teens. In the past, I’ve also tried to befriend coworkers of the same sex, because I thought they were attractive…I guess I never really considered taking it a step further and actually trying to date the same sex until now. To my surprise, I’m not the only one. I’ve actually come across a few girls dating profiles who have a similar story. Honestly, right now the idea of meeting an interesting girl is a lot more appealing than meeting an interesting guy. I do feel it’s just a phase, but definitely something I’m seriously pursing at the moment.

Most Frequently Said On Dating Sites

Posted on August 6, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Over the years I’ve skimmed through a great deal of guys’ dating website profiles.
The following is a list of the most frequently written phrases I came across (besides the bit about long walks on the beach…)

1. I’m adventurous and outgoing.
2. I love to travel.
3. I’m tired of the bar scene.
4. I’m down to earth.
5. I’m laid back.
6. It’s hard/weird to write about yourself.
7. I’m not good at writing about myself, just send me a message.
8. The most private thing I’m willing to admit: I’m on a dating website.
[I will update this list when I remember some more of them…]

*Also, when I did a search for straight girls in my age-range I found that many of them mentioned banjos (playing them, wanting to play them, or wanting a guy to play one) and toast (liking it, liking the smell, or disliking the smell.)

So you know, in case you thought you were out there being all unique and original with one of these, now’s your chance to click your “edit profile” button ;-)

Keep It Simple

Posted on August 5, 2013 by TiredOfDating

[I actually wrote this one week ago…]
In a relationship there are things that work for some that don’t for others. I think you should never try to turn something into something it isn’t. Drop what isn’t going to work, fix what can be improved, and just do what does work. If you’re dating someone wrong for you but the sex is great, stop dating and keep the sex. If you’re having an argument with your significant other about something insignificant, compromise. Too much of the time we’re living lives in which we try to make them into something they aren’t. We focus on details that throw us off track in the bigger picture. Sometimes our emotions screw with us and toss us in undesirable directions, but for all of the times in which we have control over, we should experience things for what they are, and keep them in their simplest forms. There is no concrete set of rules in which we can all follow when it comes to dating and in our relationships. They bend and vary as much as our personalities. What works for one couple drives another apart. What makes one person smile upon reading a dating website profile, makes another roll their eyes. Each couple on each date is as unique as the individual people experiencing them. Though, there is not chaos without formal structure or rules. There are agreed upon ways which end up expressed throughout the experience of dating. The problem which I’ve been running into –as most others seem to be as well- is the problem of finding someone who’s ways you can share. To find someone who will match up with you in the ways that work for you. Too much of the time we’re mismatched with each other, yet trying to make it work, and causing the creation of this blog (along with others’ similar ones.) I recently discovered a situation that seems to work well and although it’s temporary I plan on continuing it for the time being. I’m not down about what it isn’t and won’t be, and rather enjoying what it is and that it works. And now continuing to search for someone who I click with in nearly every aspect…

No Luck Dating The Same Sex Either

Posted on August 4, 2013 by TiredOfDating

It’s only been two days and already I’m thinking I’m going to have to change my dating website profile back to “Straight.” It’s kind of a lot like I expected, but hoped wouldn’t be setting it to “Bisexual.” Mostly sleazy guys are going to my profile, and the girls just aren’t sending any messages. I also think it’s mostly straight people using these sites because there seems to be a much smaller selection of those who aren’t. I think I need a new plan to find a girl. I received two messages last night from guys who both acknowledged they fell under my list of turn-offs but messaged me anyway. “I was actually excited to send you a message until I read your turn-offs” and “I thought I would send this message in spite of what’s listed in your turn-offs section” -Really, what’s the point in that? It’s getting very quiet in my dating life and my posts here are starting to thin out…

Girl Phase

Posted on August 2, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So, now that it has been on my mind a lot more, I think the only way I’m going to satisfy my curiosity is by actually dating a girl. Whatever this phase is, I don’t think I’m going to be done with it until I date at least one girl. Tonight I hesitantly changed my dating website profile from “Straight” to “Bisexual.” I know that many of the girls who claim to be bi on these sites are really just trying to pique the interest of men turned on by that idea. I really didn’t want to come off as one of those girls, ‘nor did I want to attract the guys looking for those types of girls. I think I’ll monitor my messages for a week and if it’s really not turning out as I hoped, I’ll switch it back. Not as I hoped would be every message being “wutz up, wanna hav a 3sum?” from a sketchy guy. I did write a sentence on my profile about the recent change, so I don’t think I’ll be leading anyone on…Maybe it’s not just a phase too…Can you tell my nervous/confused/over-thinking tone through the words in this post?
Anyway, here’s a YouTube video (click the image below) I felt was fitting with the theme of my blog…

Relationships On FaceBook

Posted on July 29, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Those of who are in our 20’s/30’s, are now the youngest generation to have grown up without the internet. We’ve personally experienced the rapid growth in technology all around us, and have quickly accepted the internet becoming an everyday necessity. Some of us took a little longer to jump on the social network bandwagon, and a few still protest it –But the majority of those we know seem to be active participants. Though some of us are married or uninterested in dating, many of us are going through boyfriends and girlfriends left and right. –And so we find that the social norms of dating and social networking have some uncomfortable overlaps.

This post was inspired after I recently saw the following FaceBook status update on my newsfeed:
“I’m no longer in a relationship, and I don’t feel like telling y’all this individually, so I’m telling you like this. Not because I’m lazy or anything, or because I don’t want to talk to you (well, some of you I don’t want to talk to, but that’s because I hardly know you) but just because the part of being newly broken up where you have to tell your friends is really shitty. It becomes this Groundhog Day-esque experience where you’re having the same conversation over and over and over again, and what was actually a fairly painless thing gains a certain pain based on the fact that you relive it in your mind over and over as you tell people.
All you need to know is that we broke up, nobody was ‘at fault’, it wasn’t ugly, and there was no animosity. All that happened was that two people drifted in opposite directions. Such as life. Things change and evolve. That’s the way of the world.
I genuinely wish her the best, and she wishes me the same.”
[7/31/13 Edit: One day after I posted this, the same person made another status update:
“hey remember that shit I said 48 hours ago about my relationship ending amicably and whatnot? hahahhahaha oh how young and naive i was”
Followed by commenting on their own status…
“the next time you see me sink a half a year into something, if it ain’t a screenplay, punch me in the face. i’m fucking done with this shit”
And another of their comments on the status…
“Actually, fuck this. I’m inheriting the dark mindset that caused to hurt me several times in the past 48 hours. I take back what i said. I’m not done with relationships in general, I’m just done with a relationship with her”]

Dating, relationships, and break-ups have been altered tremendously in an extremely short period of time, but for the most part we seem to be accepting it. Though, should we be? Our relationships once used to be a much more private ordeal. We’d go on some double dates with our friends, or gossip about last night to our best friend, but beyond that it was in our control to keep everything else to ourselves. That was the norm. Today it’s quite normal for a virtual version of our relationships to be broadcast to everyone we choose to keep in touch with. But is this really normal? FaceBook doesn’t allow for much wiggle-room when it comes to keeping our relationships to ourselves. Though a few settings can be altered, for the most part, the social network nearly all of us frequent, announces our every dating move -from when we begin dating, to when we end it –be that a break-up or an engagement. We’re feeling pressure to marry, seeing everyone we ever went to school with from age 4 to 24+ accept their proposals -When not all that long ago we’d only get a sampling from the friends we stayed in touch with. –But we’re also witnessing the end of every relationship of everyone we know. As we all know, from real life and sitcoms break-ups aren’t always so clean-cut. (If you used to watch Friends, I don’t need to say any more than “We were on a break!”) They can be messy and unclear. Sometimes we get back together for better, sometimes for worse, and sometimes we overreact after a bad fight. In all of our moments of emotional outbursts, we used to be able to dust them under the rug, and go about our relationship as if it never happened. –Or, if we decided to end it, there wasn’t much to consider when it came to keeping your ex in your life or not. You’d vent to your best friend, and fill in the others you spoke to while in the relationship, in time, as they passed through your life.

Today, we have all of those same questions to ponder –And another- What happens to our relationship in the virtual world? The one almost everyone you know has been monitoring some version of on their computers. The one where you’d check in on your significant other’s daily actions, check-ins, and photographs. The part of your personal page which indicates your relationship status. When do we update these events to the world? We know it looks silly when our relationship status fluctuates more than once in a week, but how long is it appropriate to keep incorrect social information up on your social media page? What if you’re not ready to talk to your friends, let alone everyone you’re in contact with about the details of your recent relationship status change? Why do we have to stress over these questions when the end of a relationship should be stressful enough? Why do we have to stress over them at the beginning? We’ve never lived in a generation more heavily labeled when it comes to dating. Some won’t even consider your relationship to officially exist until you’ve updated the virtual version.

–And then of course there’s all that goes on while you’re in the relationship. If most of the people you know in relationships share something with their significant other publicly, it’s only natural to assume it’s a common behavior when things are going well in a relationship. But, should it really have that much value? Should we expect our significant other to “like” things that we post, just because other’s significant others “like” what they post? We’ve entered an entirely new generation of dating etiquette. We’re only just now making our imprint on the blank slate handed to us –Yet we’re all so clueless, who are we to decide what our social norms are to become? I personally miss the days when your ex was out of your life unless you dialed their number and they picked up their phone. You’d have to be a pretty extreme case to show up on their doorstep, and that type of stalking wasn’t really heard of for the majority. Today we’ve made stalking a common, acceptable, and sometimes encouraged practice. Of course, only the type that occurs behind a computer, with information authorized to the public. –And we do authorize a lot of our information to the public. There was never before any craving to fight when you wanted to see what your ex had been up to or what they looked like some time later. You can even attempt to alter the impression your ex holds of yourself. “If I post pictures of myself having fun, they will assume I’ve moved on.” With all of these answers to our previous partners just a click away, are we still experiencing healthy social interactions as we were before? Where will this bring us in time?

Of course advances in technology have had quite a positive impact. They’ve helped a lot of people reconnect, strengthen some social interactions beyond what they would’ve otherwise been, and allowed others to expand their options when it comes to meeting new people. But, are we getting in over our heads? Is it too much too fast? Are we readily accepting all of these changes too quickly? We get caught up in what the majority does, we follow our peers, we try to fit in, and in keeping up are we losing something? Are our relationships more stressful now that we’re working to sustain a second virtual version along with the real one? Does it not sometimes cause us to confuse our reality with the one our friends perceive us to be in? Are we passed the point of return? How healthy are our relationships now, really, compared to the time before FaceBook? Have we not increased our rate of unnecessary jealousy? Have we not over-thought every word printed in front of us and have our emotions tossed to and fro over a single comment made by another? Are we not comparing ourselves to those around us more than ever? Are we not living through the computer generated version of our lives more than just x amount of years ago? Why have we so quickly accepted that sharing this amount of our lives with so many other people is a normal behavior? Will it change us for better…or for worse?

Still No Luck Dating

Posted on July 28, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Wow, three days without a post. I guess that’s what happens when you make a blog about dating and experience dateless days. Maybe I should turn this into weekly updates rather than daily. Anyway, I don’t really have anything going on in my dating life right now. I did do a little bar hopping with some friends this weekend and found myself noticing the girls more than guys. I think it was a combination of browsing too many lesbian profiles on these dating sites, wanting to feed my curiosity, and my increasing boredom with men/tiredness of dating. I’m actually considering messaging some of the girls who’s profiles I’d bookmarked, after a conversation with a straight girl I had yesterday. She told me about her one girl crush and that she had a good experience the one time she dated a lesbian. …And in other news, I haven’t been getting too many messages on the sites from anyone interesting, so I just have some short conversations turning guys down…

Random Guy: hey there!
Myself: Hello…Didn’t leave much room for any other reply, really…

Random Guy: hi beautiful how you doing tonight.
Myself: I’m alright, but you forgot an “are.”
Random Guy: ok ? lol
Random Guy: how are you doing…u serious lol
Myself: I’m still alright, and yeah -You lost a “y” and an “o” that time.
[hehe how annoying am I?…I wanted to make a comment about him missing question marks too.]

Random Guy: #yesplease
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Hahaha ouch

Do Guys Have It Harder On Dating Websites?

Posted on July 24, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I’m starting to think guys have it harder on dating websites than girls. It’s known that there are more men than women on these sites, so that’s already an advantage for straight women (as far as more of a selection goes), but does it go beyond that? I haven’t done any proper research, but most of the guys I speak to tell me that they get very few replies to their messages, and fewer initial messages from girls. I wonder if it has something to do with the classic “the guy asks the girl out”, rather than the other way around. I think it’s become less of a big deal for a girl to make the first move today, but it seems that most guys are still the ones to approach the girl. -And of course most marriage proposals are definitely still being done by the man as well. Not to mention more women are still skeptical about meeting a stranger from the internet than men fear meeting a strange women. So, some work goes into maintaining the idea that they’re not just some creep.
A male friend of mine recently signed up with one of the dating websites I frequent. He asked me to fix up his profile a little. I spent about three hours logged in as him and was surprised I didn’t get a single message. The ten messages he’d sent out remained unanswered. I also discovered that it isn’t easy to speak highly of yourself and not sound completely cocky, as a guy. After some difficulty with the task, I wound up leaving a sort of testimonial for him on his profile, as myself. It was a sort of experiment. Either girls would be turned off by it, or they’d find it cute and be intrigued that another girl had such great things to say about him. It’s been about a week since that experiment and you know, he’s gotten a few replies to the first messages he sent out, a few new messages from others, and has even progressed one conversation off of the website and into texts. I take most of the credit for getting him to that point on the site –But he’s still claiming some sort of 20% that I’m not sure he deserves credit for from the start ;-) …It’s also not the first time I’ve heard of a girl helping a guy fill out his profile, or a guy making suggestions to a girl about hers. Sometimes I wonder if we’re all just falling for each other’s profiles written by someone else…

In other news…During another night tired of dating websites, I tried fooling around with my search options. I spent some time looking at some 0% matches and you know, it made me pretty happy I’m not with any of those guys. Some of them were just awful and while I still haven’t found whatever it is I’m searching for, sometimes it’s nice to know who I don’t have to end up with. I was also wondering about the guy who wanted a girl who would go out to the club with him every night. Why is he looking for her online? Wouldn’t he have better luck finding her at the club? -Oh, and today I received a message from a guy who I’m pretty sure has tried to contact me a few times in the past. His message wasn’t so bad, but today I squinted at his picture and went “Does he…Is that…” and upon closer inspection, yes that was a puppet on his hand. It could have been the fact that he also happened to be unattractive, but I never knew what a turn off a puppet could be. I just don’t see myself dating a ventriloquist. The picture just made me frown upon coming across his profile. -Does that exist? Different expressions people made upon viewing different dating website profiles in some sort of video? Well, It should exist, anyway.

Still Going No Where On Dating Websites

Posted on July 23, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Well, “Mr. Perfect Profile” turned out to be nothing special after all. He put that easy-going vibe into his profile, but turned out just to be a jerk in his messages. I sent him a clearly light-hearted, joking second message and got back an angry reply. Really? You’re that rude to a stranger, unprovoked? Kind of a real turn off for me. Who are you to snap, “don’t ever contact me again” after I was friendly on a freaking dating website? Seeing him go from “perfect” to unreasonably mean was pretty disappointing –But a good thing to catch so early on. Imagine if we’d actually met! He even got unreasonably defensive stating that he was on vacation and unable to load the website. Funny how he could suddenly send that message with ease, though, huh? It’s like he wanted to make me feel like an idiot about messaging him. Well, sorry dude. You’ve failed. Now I just get to tease you anonymously on a blog you’ll never read. And moving on, yet again…

Then there’s a conversation in my inbox with a guy who insisted on messaging me, though the website has indicated we’re not a good match. When I pointed this out to him he wanted specifics saying he didn’t believe in math when it comes to relationships. I don’t either, but I believe in it when it comes to dating websites. It does half the work for me based on important facts about who I want to date which I’ve fed to it. So, I told him that right off the bat I found that he answered “Girl-on-girl is okay, but guy-on-guy is wrong” to the question “Which best represents your opinion of same-sex relationships?” completely disgusting. I received a long-winded reply about how it’s just not something he’d want to watch, but that he enjoyed Rocky Horror Picture Show, so this must prove he’s not homophobic. What does any of that have to do with the question?! I was too annoyed to answer him again…And now I feel like I’m going in circles within circles of the dating cycle because I also just had another one of these conversations again…

Random Guy: Where do you get all this money to do so many of these shit? :P Really like the way you edited your profile. More interesting than others. Props for that.
Myself: I don’t have a lot of money, I live my life in pretty inexpensive ways.
Thanks…
I don’t think we’re a good match, and I’m not a fan of the way you speak, though…
Sorry.

So, now I can either go back to scrolling through the thousands of profiles of guys I’m not interested in to find a couple I might be, go back to dreaming as I scroll through lesbians profiles, or start working on my next blog post on some other related topic.

Progress Update

Posted on July 21, 2013 by TiredOfDating

This blog reached 100 likes today, with 50 followers, a slew of comments, and almost 4,000 views after it’s creation approximately one month ago without any advertising. –So, I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re enjoying this and thanks for making me feel like I’m sharing something worthwhile with you all! =)

As for other updates in my dating life…The guy I’ve decided is too young for me called me again yesterday. This time I answered. I really don’t know why I picked up beyond curiosity, but as soon as I did I knew the whole thing was just too silly. He didn’t sound very intelligent on the phone and as he suggested we hang out that night, I kept thinking “Hang out? Where do you hang out? You can’t even go anywhere that serves alcohol…I can’t go back to how much that sucked when I was a kid.” I think I’ve made up my mind not to answer any more of his calls. He might get the idea. I told him I’d let him know what I was doing that night and never got back to him.
Then I found a profile on the dating site that sounded perfect the other day. I couldn’t have asked for better sentences, opinions, or pictures. I thought, “18 miles away? so what I’ll make use of my car and we’ll make this work.” Unfortunately I sent a message before reading his entire profile, and would’ve written it a little better if I knew I was dealing with Mr. Perfect Profile. It’s the second time I had this feeling when scrolling through these profiles all these years. A profile that actually excited me. A guy who’d mastered the art of making himself sound completely perfect for me through an online profile. It’s like he’s me, but without all the parts about me I don’t like! -But it’s now the second time someone with a profile this great ignored my message, too. I’ve appropriately stalked his activity to figure out if I’m being ignored and I’m still sort of hoping he’s just been really busy, but I have a feeling it’s already over before it’s begun yet again. See, I sent the message three days ago. He’s logged in somewhere between three and four times since then and visited my profile twice. It’s kind of hard to make a final decision on being ignored yet, but it can’t be much longer now. I even considered sending a follow-up message, but soon decided if he was interested he’d have answered and knowing the reason he’s not isn’t really going help. Just because his profile might have been perfect to me, it doesn’t mean mine would’ve had to be perfect for him. Anyway, what a rude jerk he is for just ignoring me like that!…-And back to scrolling through the “matches” these sites throw at me…

Should The Guy Pay On A Date?

Posted on July 20, 2013 by TiredOfDating

We’ve all heard that when heterosexual couples go out on a date, the guy should pay. Though, I’m pretty sure this began before a lot of women’s rights acts. In this day and age it’s become more of a cliché –Yet still a common practice amongst many couples. Should the rule remain in our society today? Homosexual couples don’t seem to be any more confused than heterosexuals in the dating game, but I suppose it’s a habit we’ve yet been able to break. For the longest time I’ve always said that I couldn’t care less about how much money the guy I’m dating made. It mattered much more who they were as a person, and how we felt about each other. As long as we could go out once in a while and neither of us were struggling financially in a way that effected our relationship, I always felt their income shouldn’t be of a concern to me. I always said that I didn’t care if the guy treated me to dinner or not. For the most part, I still stand by this, but I’ve noticed I might care about all of this a little more than I thought. I’ve dated the unemployed and the six-figure income guys and the happiness of our relationship or reason for it’s end never varied much. (Although, some of those relationships were when I was a lot younger and probably in part while I was still living with my parents.) But, I recently dated a guy for a few months and I knew he didn’t have an incredibly high income or much extra money floating around to play with. He paid for my dinner and drinks the first few times we went out, and then we began to split the bill. I’d been an advocate of how fair this was and thought that I had no problem with this. But, after some time, I found myself complaining that he never paid for anything for me. This wasn’t even true because he still purchased some of my drinks, or occasionally covered larger portions of the bill –But I caught myself complaining to him anyway.

So what was it? Did I feel insulted? Was it that it’s somehow ingrained into me that the social norm on a date is being taken out by the guy, who covers all the costs? Was I just feeling like being cheap? And so, should we try to completely drop this rule? Is it possible to drop? Should we replace it with a new rule? I thought I was the one who wanted to do away with the rules and games of dating. It makes sense that whoever suggests the place/activity, should cover the cost of it –But will it ever be a common norm that the girl pays for the guy? Should the norm for everything be to always be split? Should the guy pay at the beginning and then everyone for themselves? Again, why should it be the guy, then? Should we base it off of who has a higher income? Yes, many studies show that men are still paid more than women on average –But of course this isn’t the case in every situation. Should we base it off of who has less bills to pay? Should a girl take it as an insult if a guy doesn’t want to pay for her? I guess it’s the type of thing that will continue to be a judgment call and unique to each relationship. If I can state I believe one thing, know it makes sense in my head, but still be bothered by not being treated once in a while, how is anyone else supposed to know how to go about it anyway?!

I suppose I’ll continue my trend of watching the waitress place the check on the table, reaching for my wallet, asking how much I owe as the guy turns it over, hope for the “I got it” reply, ask “are you sure?”, if confirmed, thank them, and if not pay my portion, while secretly being a little bit disappointed. It’s become such a routine, I’ve sometimes found myself actually asking my date, “Did you want me to do the fake wallet-grab to be polite or should I just ask if you just going to pay for it?” I think it’s coded into my genetic make-up at this point to initially assume the odds of the guy paying for me are pretty high.

(I didn’t create this, but it was fitting for this post.)

Slow

Posted on July 19, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I guess the dating scene has been going a little slow for me, lately. The best message I’ve received on the dating websites in a while was from a guy over ten years older than the oldest I’m comfortable dating. I’m not going for it. I also got some calls from the guy who I exchanged numbers with a couple of weeks ago, before I found out how many years I had on him. I didn’t pick up because I think the idea of being able to say “it was before your time” about too many things weird’s me out –But who knows, if things continue this slowly, I just might answer his next call. I know some people say age is only a number, but you know what, some people also say some really stupid things. Well, time to start scrolling through profiles again, this Friday night in.

(I like sleep, why should I be in such a rush to find the right guy anyway? It often leads to these…)

Crappy Dates From The Internet

Posted on July 18, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I don’t really have anything new to report, so I’ll just tell you about two crappy dates I went on a few years ago…

After talking to a guy on a dating website for a while, we decided to meet. He was one of the first people I’d met from the creepy land of the internet, so I made sure we were in some open space with a lot of people. What I should have done was planned out what we were going to do a little better. Once we met, he suggested the movies and that’s something people do on a date, right? So, off we went, to the movies, on a first date. Not just a first date, the first time meeting in person. Why is this an awful idea? Well, unless you’re planning on just hooking up and don’t give a shit about getting to know them as a person, you’re really not going to accomplish much by silently sitting next to them for two hours, in a dark place, while you’re paying attention to something else. This thought did cross my mind, but what did I know back then. We walked to the nearest theater and guess what the only movie playing at that time was? A stupid horror movie neither of us had any interest in seeing. Oh, that’s even better. Now we’re going to be sitting together in the dark for two hours watching something we don’t even want to be paying attention to. But did I know how to back out of things back then? Of course not. So, into the theater we went. About ten seconds into the opening credits he pretty much just leaned over and shoved his tongue down my throat –At least I was smart enough to stand my ground when it went that far, so I put my hand on his chest and pushed him pretty hard, back down into his seat. “I don’t want to kiss you,” I said. He nodded and replied, “Okay.” “We’re just going to sit here and silently watch this awful movie instead,” I thought. –And we did. We didn’t acknowledge each other again throughout the entire movie. He probably felt like an ass that entire time. The movie was pretty much as bad as we anticipated it to be. –But I mean, I guess that was the theme of our date, anyway. I haven’t seen him since that day. Was that last sentence necessary?

The other crappy date I went on was only about a year ago. I really shouldn’t have gone on it. It was a bad idea before I even knew who the date was going to be with. My ex thought that I’d be more content about our recent breakup if I went on a date with someone new. So, under the recommendation of a guy I still had feelings for, I turned to a dating website. I logged in and decided to click on the profile of the first guy who came up on it. Did I take the time to exchange a few messages with him first? Of course not, I just needed to go out on a date with someone else, who I was sure I wouldn’t care about in the least –What did it matter who they were? Great plan, huh? The entire conversation pretty much went, “Hi want to meet?, Sure –How about this place and time?, Sounds good –Here’s my number & what’s yours?” This story ends up being a case of the deceiving profile picture. When we met I immediately knew I didn’t find him attractive at all. Now, I’m generally not a shallow person, but it’s pretty hard to be with someone romantically if you don’t have any physical attraction to them. I mean, someone can go from okay-looking to amazing as you get to know them (or get more unattractive if they turn out to have a crappy personality) because physical appearance isn’t everything in my opinion –But if they’re not even at that level in your eyes from the start, it’s going to be pretty tough. Now, by no means was he hideous –I guess I’ll just put it politely and say he wasn’t my type. I remember as I saw him standing in our meeting place a little voice saying, “Oh noooo!” was going through my head, but I thought I’d stick it out. So, we walked to a nearby bar/café kind of place. He got a beer and I got a grilled cheese. We started talking and he seemed like an okay guy, but I wasn’t feeling it. I kept thinking about how it was forced and wrong of me to be there. So, I blurted out that I didn’t want it to be a date. I told him that I had feelings for my ex and that I couldn’t be on a date at that moment. Whenever a guy seems nice I always think “why can’t we just be friends, though?” -but it never translates properly when you give them this proposal. The entire date couldn’t have lasted more than 30 minutes. When we asked for the check the waitress raised her eyebrows, “Oh, this thing here is already done, is it?” We paid for ourselves and headed our separate ways. Such a lame story. But I now I know I’ll never again meet someone without scrutinizing their pictures and exchanging a few more messages first.

(*There are)

Tired Of Men, Time To Try Women?…

Posted on July 16, 2013 by TiredOfDating

You know it’s not going too well on a dating site when you spend an hour scrolling through lesbian’s profiles, and even bookmark a few -when you’re straight, and female. You know, just to know what other options are out there. Now, I’m not one of those attention-seeking girls who sets her profile to “bi” just to pique the interest of certain guys, or who makes out with her female friends at a bar to attract men. I’m really just reaching that point where I’m so tired of dating and so tired of the guys profiles on these sites, I’ve pondered the thought, “Maybe it’s not dating I’m tired of, maybe it’s men.” Could this be the problem? There was that one time I had a crush on a girl, anyway. There was something about her firm handshake and asking if I wanted a drink, but remaining a very pretty girl that confused me. There was even a time I found myself imagining that the guy I was dating wasn’t him, and that it was rather her –during a time you probably wouldn’t be thrilled to know it was someone else your date had had on their mind. I’ve started day dreaming “if only you could just change your sexual preference back and forth just like that…” You know, just for something new. Unfortunately, there’s no switch you can just flick, and suddenly find yourself attracted to someone else. But maybe I’ve always just restricted myself to only dating men, without considering other options. I wondered if it was just the little check box at the top of the site which indicated “straight” that was the only thing standing in the way of any of these girls sending me a message and I wondered what would happen if I switched it…Probably nothing, I’d still be straight and possibly on yet another mismatched date I’d have no interest in. Though, the three prettier girls’ profiles sit in the bookmarks tab of my browser and the curiosity remains…

(Okay, so obviously this isn’t always true…But you get the joke.)

Break-Ups

Posted on July 14, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I’ve been wondering if there is a “right” way to break up with someone. I’d say it should be done in person because if you’re going to hurt someone, you should have the balls to look them in the eye when you do it. But timing, reason given, and how you put it really has to be considered as well. Then there’s that whole mess of the aftermath and how that’s dealt with. Though, with all of that considered, and all of the times I’ve been broken up with, I still can’t think back at any one of those situations and find a “favorite.” Nope, there isn’t really one I can say, “Oh yeah I preferred that one to the others” about. That’s just like trying to pick your favorite STD. (No, I don’t have any of those.) I guess sometimes it was done a little more poorly, though. Let’s go over them! I think it’s obvious how each could have been done “better.” Maybe you’ll be able to plan out your next dumping a little better after making note of my past…

Time Spent Dating: 1 Month / Age: Early Teens
He instant messaged me to tell me that he was now busy on the only day of the week we had been seeing each other. When I asked about seeing him a different day of the week, he said he was busy then too. Valentine’s Day was about a week away.

Time Spent Dating: 1 Month / Age: Mid-Teens
During an instant message conversation I misspelled a common word. He broke up with me over that in the instant messages. He then told a bunch of people at his school (who I was also friends with) that he had never felt happier to be rid of me. He said it was like the feeling you get when you get a new puppy.

Time Spent Dating: 4 Years / Age: Late-Teens
He did it in yet another instant message conversation after showing interest in someone he’d previously sworn he had no interest in. Though, there were some in-person follow up discussions I initiated, seeing that we were together for so long.

Time Spent Dating: 6 Months (Long Distance) / Age: Early 20’s
He did it in person, after an argument over my indecision in a trivial decision, as I was about to start my 5 hour trip home.

Time Spent Dating: 1 Year / Age: 20’s
He did it in person over a difference of beliefs/lifestyle and personality type. It was after some smiley-face looking forward to seeing you texts. He stayed close for a while, in attempt to help me move on.

Time Spent Dating: A Couple Weeks / Age: 20’s
He sent me a text message after I sent him one asking why he’d been speaking to me less. It was sort of a mutual agreement, he wanted a casual relationship that I didn’t think I was ready for. Though, I hadn’t really set out to end things.

Time Spent Dating: 3 Months / Age: 20’s
He did it in person because we weren’t right for each other and he didn’t think he had time for a relationship -which he didn’t think it was headed for either. He told me this down a random street before we were going to grab some drinks with his friends. –This was right after we had just seen a show together, which was also after just meeting my best friend.

Then there were the three guys I went out with a couple of times who decided to just ignore me out of the blue, and I never heard from them again. The last thing I heard from one of them was “Looking forward to seeing you Tuesday!” in a text before he disappeared off the face of the planet. I suppose that method is worst. You have to spend some time clueless about what’s going on, worried you’re going to sound like you’re checking in too much as you try to figure it out, and eventually feel like a fool for trying. There’s never any closure in that and you never figure out what the hell went wrong…

Rejecting Your Rejection

Posted on July 14, 2013 by TiredOfDating

About a week ago I got a message from a guy on a dating site which really wasn’t a bad message. He sent me a well written paragraph about what he felt we had in common, things he found interesting on my profile, and some things he liked. I didn’t have time to reply when I read it, and later went to his profile and found that I really wasn’t interested after all. A couple of days went by and he wrote back…

Random Guy: Now i know why u girls dont respond, because you get nasty rants if you say ur not interested. I’ll tell u what. Lol you would do the same thing (rant) if u send out 50+ with 2 replies. Lol and 1 was a HS friend so that doesnt count. I just dont get it. I’m not sending msgs to models and I dont think my msgs are creepy or anything. What gives? I hope u have some dates lined up and not just declining everyone because u find one thing wrong and ur looking for mr. Perfect. Anyway, thats my rants for the day. I offically quit. Good luck =)
Myself: Actually, I reply to nearly all of the messages I get on here, even when I’m not interested…However, I only do it about once a week. I’m currently dating someone I just met from here, so I’m not interested in meeting anyone new at this time.
And FYI, 95% of the messages I send out don’t get replies. Don’t let it get to you so much.
Random Guy: Lol, I have like a billion things to say to that but its just going to come across all negative so I’ll spare us both and say…..Thanks =)

His first message now sounds like it came from someone else entirely. He thinks the girls on these sites aren’t as attractive as models and therefore we should respond? I’m happy I didn’t respond now that I saw what a jerk he turned into a moment later. -And what is with saying he had “like a billion of things” to say to my reply that would have been negative?! Yeah, I could come up with a bunch of random insults too, but I didn’t need to make him aware of that.

I replied to this message before going on my second date with intellectual-conversation-guy which I figured I’d mention is not happening again. I made up my mind that the dating vibe wasn’t there, but he was a nice guy so I made a sincere attempt at asking for friendship with him. I know, I know it’s such a line to say “let’s just be friends” but seeing that we’d only met each other twice, had had such long conversations, and got along with each other, I thought it’d be weird to just never speak again. But he wasn’t interested in my proposal and then actually tried to turn it around like he was the one rejecting me. I got some sort of apology and we’re not right for each other reply. Hey, you can’t try to reject me after I’ve already turned you down, it doesn’t work that way! After his last text, “Glad we can both be mature about this” I was even further assured I had no interest in him and suppose I’ll have to start the dating cycle from the beginning yet again. At least this time I didn’t get very far into it before returning to the start. I want someone fun again this time. Geez, I’m upsetting guys left and right lately.

Flirting = Cheating?

Posted on July 12, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I’ve always kind of believed that there are people who have/would/might cheat on someone and those who haven’t/wouldn’t. I’ve never cheated on someone and don’t think I could. I’ve also never been cheated on as far as I know…But I have been in relationships where there was a lot of flirtation going on behind my back. Most people tell me that flirting doesn’t count as cheating and if I was in a relationship with someone who flirted with another girl, I wouldn’t tell my friends, “He cheated on me.” Though, isn’t that kind of the meaning of the word? A dictionary would say it is to “act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.” If one hasn’t been faithful to their agreed upon exclusive and monogamous relationship, have they not cheated? If one has been dishonest about their commitment to the other, have they not cheated? Now I don’t at all consider sleeping with another person to be equal to flirting with another, but I still have always seen flirting outside of a relationship to be a very mild form of cheating –yet still cheating. To trick one into believing they’re the only one you have eyes for and then showing interest in another simply isn’t right. If both parties have agreed to the whole thing, alright, sure why not –But if it’s being done behind one’s back, it’s simply dishonest and therefore wrong…in my opinion, anyway.

I don’t think there is such a thing as “innocent” flirting. Of course one is worse, but even if you haven’t been with someone else physically, it’s sometimes a bigger deal to have been with someone else in an emotional way. If the few giggling moments you share with someone else over a comment made is something you would hide from your partner, you have some sort of guilt about it. You’re hiding a brief moment in which you weren’t acting like they were your one and only and weren’t being faithful to them and whatever your said commitment was. If you hide something to preserve your partner’s happiness, you should instead be looking for better ways ensure and enhance their happiness.

This comes up today because of a guy who has been flirting with me –as recently as a week ago- who just changed his FaceBook relationship status to “engaged.” The first thought that ran through my head was, “I really hope this is just one of those ‘only on FaceBook, not in real life’ things.” It was followed by, not the usual –“Someone else got engaged/married/pregnant yet again, am I really that late in all of this?!” thought- But instead I suddenly felt extremely bad for a girl I’d never met before. Believe me, it’s crossed my mind to speak up and fill her in –But I have no way of contacting her, ‘nor am sure if it’s really my place to further interfere. The guy always justified that there was nothing wrong with what he said unless he acted on it. We don’t hang out (though we met a couple of times through friends, years ago) so that he’ll never be tempted. But should someone who has to avoid seeing others to avoid cheating on someone really be getting married to that person? If you really believe flirting isn’t cheating, read through some of these messages from not all that long ago with a guy who’s now engaged and tell me that if you were in his fiancés shoes, you’d still feel that way…

[He first messaged me (after we met about 10 years ago) when I wasn’t happy about my last relationship ending and I had no clue he was in one about 6 months ago…]
Not A Single Guy: if it will make you feel better i will tell you about how i think you’re very hot
Myself: really?
thats nice
thank you
youre an attractive dude
Not A Single Guy: yeah totally, you’re very attractive
why thank you
[We talk about my last relationship and the break-up…]
Not A Single Guy: i am biased on this question by the way, i think a good therapist can be very helpful
because i am in training to be a therapist right now
[We continue the conversation…]
Not A Single Guy: i wish i was finished with my training already and in [LOCATION CENSORED] so i could be your therapist
Myself: ..no that’d be no good ’cause i find you attractive that’d be weird, can’t mix profession with that kinda thing
Not A Single Guy: yeah that’s true
i find you too attractive, we might end up hoooking up
[Says the guy with the girlfriend, I’d have never guessed…]
Myself: yeah, it could be interesting/fun
but probably complicated and worse in the long run
Not A Single Guy: even right now i am looking at all these really cute fb pitctures of you
Myself: aw haha
[The conversation continues…]
Not A Single Guy: don’t tell cuz i am not single
but thinking about hooking up with you turns me on a lot
Not A Single Guy: what do you like in sex?
[If this was a conversation with someone I didn’t know, I’d have stopped replying by now…]
Myself: well if youre not single you should’nt say those things
Not A Single Guy: i just struggle sometimes i can’t help but fantasize
and you are very hot after all
i will be here fantasizing either way, it’s just a matter whether i tell you about it or not i guess
Myself: do you tell your girlfriend that though?
Not A Single Guy: not exactly
i mean she knows i look at porn and stuff and doesn’t care
Myself: well porn doesnt count
Not A Single Guy: but i am not gonna tell her that i look at picture of you in a bathing suit and get turned on
Myself: i dont know, i mean i think flirting is a form of cheating,
not as bad as others, but it still counts
[I go on explaining my opinion on this…]
Not A Single Guy: how about for you? is flirting with me fun?
Myself: well im single
Not A Single Guy: cuz it’s fun for me
so if it’s fun for you let’s keep flirting, i like it
and it’s not as bad as real cheating
and maybe it’s better for you too than going to a bar or whatever
[He says it’s “not as bad” which means he knows it’s still bad, though right?…I changed the subject after that. It stayed that way for a while, then turned into a long sexual conversation. Guess who turned it in that direction?…]

[The next day when we talk he brings up sex again. It’s now a way he tries to turn the conversation every time we talk. One day as he decides to describe what he would like to do with me I reply…]
Myself: can you send these conversations to your girlfriend? i’d feel more comfortable with you saying these things then.
Not A Single Guy: hehe ok ok
just being silly ;P
[Since when did “silly” become explicit sexual descriptions?…We go on discussing a new guy I’ve just met and if I should express my thoughts on not wanting to be in a relationship with him…]
Not A Single Guy: well i know for myself i prefer when someone says something to me rather than just disappear
Myself: youre the one that doesnt think flirting is cheating!
[The conversation continues…]
Not A Single Guy: did you tell anyone about it?
Myself: that I talked to you?
Not A Single Guy: yeah
and we flirted
[Someone feeling guilty?…I explain that hadn’t really mentioned it to anyone but planned on telling my best friend.]
Not A Single Guy: yeah? i would prefer if you didn’t.
Myself: oh, why?
Not A Single Guy: just in general i would prefer if you don’t tell people i was flirting with you
since, you know, i am seeing someone
Myself: then why do something you feel you need to hide
Not A Single Guy: i am working on it… i have been talking to my therapist about it
[We continue discussing me possibly telling my best friend about all of this…]
Not A Single Guy: you know, what if you just tell 1 person
and that person just tells one person
and then that person just tells one person…
and then everyone in [CITY CENSORED] thinks i am a jerk
[So, he knows others would see him as a jerk for this? …I continue to explain that I’m not close with any of the friends we have in common…]
Not A Single Guy: remind me not to tell you anything anymore
Myself: if its that big of a deal i could not say anything,
i just am arguing how i dont see that it is
in this situation
[I hope sharing all of this on an anonymous but public blog doesn’t count as telling anyone about it…]
Not A Single Guy: it wouldn’t feel good to me
there were other things i was thinking but i never said them to you because i figured you didn’t want me to
Myself: what do you mean
Not A Single Guy: i don’t say anymore when i am having thoughts abt you because i got the idea you don’t like it
Myself: i don’t know it just kind of makes me feel bad
Not A Single Guy: yeah it’s ok so i just keep my fantasies to myself now
anyway how’s other stuff?
[We talk some more on another topic and end the conversation…]

[Some days later we’re talking again when he tells me about the fantasies he has had about me…]
Myself: and you feel no guilt ever?
Not A Single Guy: Hmm… That’s a complicated question
But I don’t judge myself for having those fantasies
Myself: no for sharing them
with someone who’s not your girlfriend
about someone else
Not A Single Guy: Sometimes that’s what my mind wants to think about… And it feels good to think about, right?
I don’t think it’s that bad if we keep it to just talking
Myself: so it feels good and not wrong or bad?
Not A Single Guy: Yeah it feels good
Does it feel good for you?
Myself: no, it makes me feel bad for your girlfriend and it makes me feel like im doing something wrong in an uncomfortable and unappealing way. it makes me feel guilty for being one of the reasons she’s being lied to in a way. and it makes me sad because i think more guys must be like this that im going to end up dating, and because you’re probably nice and stuff to your girlfriend and she has no idea.
im surprised i feel that and you feel none of it though
it’d definitely be worse if you ever acted upon the things you think about, but that doesnt make this not bad either.
Not A Single Guy: I do feel some of that but i don’t like to share that so much
Myself: lol
well i mean thats fine, you dont need to tell me about it,
Not A Single Guy: I discuss it with my therapist
Myself: but i mean i think that you should listen to all of that stuff a little more
Not A Single Guy: Fair enough
Ok I won’t talk abt it anymore but can I just tell you one more thing
Nvm nvm
Myself: =/
Not A Single Guy: Anyway
Myself: have you cheated on her with anyone like physically?
Not A Single Guy: No
Myself: not what you consider cheating maybe, but what anyone else might?
Not A Single Guy: No
I know what cheating means
Myself: do you really? lol
Not A Single Guy: I am not laughing out loud
[Really? Because after all you said, I should be under the impression you take cheating so seriously?]
Myself: alright
Not A Single Guy: Anyway I’m sorry I shared that with you
I never had those fantasies, I just made that up, and I don’t think about anyone else besides my girl.
[Is it better to believe this is a lie or that he makes up thinking about me in conversations with me?…]
Myself: no, it’s your girlfriend i wish you’d apologize to, not me.
Not A Single Guy: I am not sorry to you, I mean I regret it
[He changed the subject to school work…]

[Days later I sent him a message…]
Myself: you’re weird.
Not A Single Guy: Why?
Myself: Because you either pretend to be sex obsessed and message people often in that way or you are and yet you have a girlfriend.
Not A Single Guy: :(
please don’t judge me
I am just doing my best. I know I am not perfect
Myself: I didn’t say you had to be perfect..I’m not either..I’m weird for other reasons..But you’re weird

[Some days later we have a conversation about a guy I’ve gone on a couple of dates with…]
Not A Single Guy: i like your profile pic by the way, it’s cute
Myself: thanks.
[It’s a picture of myself with my new kitten.]
she’s sleeping on me right now
its pretty fucking cute
Not A Single Guy: haha i meant you
the kitty is cute too tho
Myself: i know, but shes in it too and shes really cute
Not A Single Guy: true
hehe
[…And then the conversation turned sexual again.]
Myself: but still, i think you’re pretty creepy/weird and would like to hang out in person.
[Yeah, I left out the part of the conversation that explains why I want to hang out with him because I find him creepy/weird. It’s mostly a curiosity of how someone changes when you haven’t seen them in 10 years…]
Not A Single Guy: well maybe when i am down there at some ppoint
like i said, it’s not very often
plus i would be really tempted to rip your clothes off, [XXX CENSORED]
which i probably hsould not do
Myself: yeah but you said youd never cheat on your girlfriend so i believe that u wouldnt and therefore we could still hang out
[Somehow we reached a point in our conversations where I can just pretend he didn’t just say that and continue talking…]
Not A Single Guy: thats true
but part of not cheating is not putting myself in too tempting of situations
and you know that i’d be very tempted to [XXX CENSORED]
and [XXX CENSORED]
Myself: so if someone you found attractive was coming onto you, you think you’d cheat?
like if you were in that situation with no one else around or something
Not A Single Guy: no probably not but it still is better to avoid that situation if i can
Myself: okay
Not A Single Guy: like, i don’t know
if you and me were alone together
maybe you’re wearing some sexy spandex and a low cut top
i’d start staring at your [XXX CENSORED] and getting [XXX CENSORED]
then you’d come sit on my lap, lol
Myself: well i wouldnt be trying to hook up with you if we hung out. i dont do that if i know the guy is seeing someone.
[The conversation continued and ended…]

[Some days later one of those “hi, what’s up?, nothing, you?, nothing” conversations started…]
Not A Single Guy: what are you doing now?
Myself: watched a clip someone posted on fb,
gonna go to sumble upon.com
eat some cookies i baked
Not A Single Guy: hott
Myself: not really
[He turns the conversation to sexual topics again…]
Myself: i bet i could have said anything and you’d have said “hot” you just messaged me so you could try to turn the conversation to sex and see what i’d say
Not A Single Guy: well i wasn’t planning that but yeah i was thinking sexual thoughts about you already regardless of what you said
Not A Single Guy: yeah i was just thinking [XXX CENSORED]
and it reminded me of this fantasy i had about you
Myself: as you told me, you don’t actually have fantasies about me, and you always think abotu your girlfriend.
so whats going on today?
[Conversation continues and ends…]

[Then about two weeks ago we had a conversation about the last guy I’d been dating and randomly in the middle of it…]
Not A Single Guy: Can I ask you some random sex questions?
Never mind it’s not a good idea
[The conversation changed direction for some time…He asked if I wanted to try talking on a webcam and I declined…At some point in the conversation something I wore to a certain event come up, so I showed him a picture…]
Not A Single Guy: What are some of the more revealing pictures of you that have been posted on Facebook
Myself: non existent
Not A Single Guy: What abt like a low cut top?
[This last message was sent less than two weeks before FaceBook announced he got engaged. I really hope it’s one of those FaceBook-only engagements or his finance frequently reads through his messages because now I just feel bad for her.]

Note On The Conversation Posted: I think it was that we hadn’t known each other well or seen each other in years possibly that made him feel like it was okay to say the things he said. It’s like I wasn’t part of reality to him if he just kept typing away behind his computer screen -and it seemed like any other “innocent” porn he could’ve been looking at. Though, I think there should be a difference between someone you’ve hung out with and see on your FaceBook and someone you only know from pornography. I should also mention that the reason our conversations continued was because of the amount of chatting about regular topics that occurred. I left it out of this post, but I thought I’d mention that I didn’t just write him off as a creep and ignore him after that kind of talk because of the pages of conversation in which I felt like he was just like any other friend.

(Update 7/15/2013: Looks like it is indeed a real engagement & not a FaceBook joke, with a “Thank you, everyone!” to the 89 “Congratulations” comments and likes (none of which were from me.) I’m curious as to how my next conversation with this guy will go. Guess I’ll keep you posted when it happens. Oh and a fun little fact -He met the girl he’s engaged to on one of the dating websites I frequent, 2 or 3 years ago.)

(Someone else made this pretty poorly, but it was fitting for this post…)

More Dating Website Conversation Fails

Posted on July 11, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Well, this is the last of what I could find skimming through the old messages in my dating website inboxes…Besides a few old conversations saved in some word documents, this will probably be the last post of my old conversations. After this I guess it’ll be newly exchanged words, and my opinions and experiences in the world of dating…

Random Guy: hey :)
[5 Minutes Later…]
Random Guy: do you like little boys or something?
[…What?!]

Random Guy: Hi! Where in [CITY CENSORED] do you live?
Myself: A [NEIGHBORHOOD DESCRIPTION CENSORED] area
Random Guy: Ok, I think I know where that is. I’d love to meet and chat.
[In my city there are at least 4 well known neighborhoods fitting my description. 30 minutes later…]
Random Guy: I’m also a bad, non kosher, pork eating Jew.
[An hour later…]
Random Guy: Don’t worry, I’m circumcised
[And this is where I officially stop replying.]

Random Guy: I will keep it short and simple. I read your profile. Pretty Interesting. I think you are creative and attractive. By the way, you look great. I have a question for you??
Myself: Thanks, but I’ve yet to find I have any interest in someone with under a 70 or 80% match rating with me on this site.
[After reading up on this site’s algorithms and skimming through profiles over the last few years, I’ve found that I never have interest in someone with a 20-40% match rating. This person was in that range. It’s designed to work accurately enough. Of course you might like someone with a 72% match over someone with a 95% match in real life –But there’s still a huge difference between someone with a 20% match and an 80% match to you.]
Random Guy: Haha. Don’t trust this site to match you. This is cheap site created by few horny guys. That’s the fact.
Myself: Have you read about the math behind the matching? Have you read the articles they posted about what the % means? And that is not a fact because I actually know two people working for the site and that is false about both of them. I don’t think “Oh this person is such a good match for me because of their %” -I’m not an idiot. However, I have YET to find someone I’m even SLIGHTLY interest in who doesn’t have a % over 70. This is because the way people on the site answer their questions generates that %…Well, I’m not going to go into it too much, you can just read about it as I did if you’re interested.
Random Guy: This is all bull. It’s easy to fool regular people like you. Have smart life in future.
Myself: Yes, I’ve been completely fooled by your poor English I was so attracted to. Good luck finding a fuck buddy on here. Good news for you is that people with a close match % to yours will probably be into you as well. Good luck =)
[The “fuck buddy” part was referring to something from his profile…And the fact that he believed it was just “horny guys” controlling the site.]

Dating Games

Posted on July 10, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Sometimes I wonder why there are still people who “enjoy” the rules of dating. There are people who follow a strict set of rules when dating and actually expect others to obediently play this game as well. “Wait x number of days before calling after a first date”, “Kiss after x number date”, “Don’t talk about any ex’s”, “Don’t say anything too personal on a first date” –And so on and so on. Maybe this is why I keep hearing how “real” I am compared to other dates. I’m often told that it’s refreshing I’m so open. Aren’t the rest of you “real” too?! Why isn’t everyone else just being themselves? Why can’t they just go with the flow? Why do they have to follow some strict dating regiment, rather than just being the beautifully flawed human beings they are? Who are they trying to fool -A potential partner, just at first? Are their dates really hoping to see someone who will only appeal to them at the beginning? Are they getting more out of their closed-off, limited information, “perfect” first impression dates? Isn’t it all kind of a waste of time to act in any other way than what would come naturally to you in any other situation? Is a first date just some sort of formality that they don’t really count as part of getting to know each other?

Most people I know meet someone they like, develop some sort of crush on them, date them, and over time kind of settle into things and the feeling fades. I kind of work in the opposite way where I meet someone who seems like they may have potential for me to like them, I date them, and after a few months I eventually develop some sort of crush on them. This is a problem because usually at the point I start to have feelings for someone, they’ve already grown tired of me and are about to end the relationship. This requires a search for not only someone with potential for me, but also who’s patient enough to stick with me, though I can’t guarantee I’ll ever like them. They’re rare –But they do exist! From what I’ve found, they’re usually the better kind of dates too. They’re the loyal types who will believe in you.

The first three to five dates or so are always tough for me. I’m never nervous about how I come off or how the date is going when I’m on it, as I mentioned I’ve always been myself for better or for worse. A kind of “this is me, I have nothing to hide, I have flaws, but if you put up with them you’ll get to see the awesome side of me too” approach. -But there’s a constant fear of the guy making some sort of move –especially if it’s going well, as the odds of it happening are usually a little higher. A little voice saying, “please don’t try to kiss me” will be going off in my head every time they’re close to me -and I know I’m not part of the majority in this if it’s going well, but I need some extra time at this stage. I also have to hope they’re the kind of guy who’s cool with me expressing my thoughts and feelings on this. I’ve never had trouble explaining precisely how I feel, but I’ve had trouble finding guys who appreciate this. I take some extra time to grow comfortable around someone new -and I need comfort to really enjoy a date. Each date generally means some more progress should be made and you move forward. I guess you could say I like to take things slow –But so slow I like it to kind of pause around the second date for a while. I start dreading the next date knowing the guy will be expecting things to move along, and I’m hoping to kind of dock them where they are for a bit.

My preference in dating seems to be an extremely gradual build up to everything. A move too early and at it kind of puts a damper on the whole thing. It’s even more nerve racking when I have a good feeling about the guy. It could all be so easily ruined oh so soon. Of course there is a balance. If too much time goes by that awkward friend-zone line could be passed. And the hardest part is knowing most girls aren’t like me at all. Most guys know they’ve blown it if the girl expected a kiss goodnight and didn’t get it. Most guys are probably expecting me to be like most girls and figure I want to be treated in the same way. How is a guy (or a girl) to know what’s part of a game, what’s too soon, too late, or just right with each and every girl (or guy)? If only most girls and most guys would stray from these dating games we could all go into our dates totally with a clean slate. No assumptions. No expectations. Just totally clueless as we all honestly are anyway. Then maybe we would all be a lot more clear in what we wanted and avoid all of this uneasy confusion. In the meantime, before my public service announcement on dating games gets any global reach, I suppose I’ll stick to vocalizing what I want on dates -and maybe even getting myself to make a first move when I want it to be made.

Approached By More Strangers (Part 2)

Posted on July 9, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I mentioned that yesterday I was approached by two guys while waiting for a date. Here’s the rest of the story…

After a little more waiting I noticed the first guy was still around the area. I knew it wouldn’t be fair to my date to exchange numbers with someone else, but what if this date didn’t work out? What if I didn’t see him again after that night? What if I’d like this other guy more? Okay, so he was attractive and maybe looked a little more adventurous and fun than my date seemed to be. Maybe it was the pretty blue eyes, the tattoos, and skateboard that called to the inner teen in me. And maybe I’ve been on a more adventurous and fun streak than the settle down with the right kind of guy route this last month or so. I’ve been starting to realize I’m no longer quite in the mood to find the completely “right” guy. I write here about the wrong ones and my disappointment in serious dating, but maybe I don’t exactly want something so serious anymore? I was all set to settle down when my last real relationship ended, and although that was disappointing, maybe it’s not what I want with my next relationship. The “right” guy can be fun, and a fun guy isn’t necessarily the “wrong” guy, but there’s a different tone in a relationship when you’re with someone just because it’s fun. The last guy I dated wasn’t right for me. We both knew that. But maybe I didn’t want it to end, not because I’d be single and have to search for a new date –But because it was fun? Maybe I do just want to be with someone fun right now. –So, I walked back over to the first guy…

Myself: So, who are you waiting for?
Random Guy1: No one.
Myself: Well, why don’t you give me your number in case this date doesn’t work out. It’s only a second date anyway.
Random Guy1: Sure. [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: [I saved the number in my phone.]
Random Guy1: I’m [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
Myself: [MY NAME CENSORED]
Random Guy1: I used to work for them! [He pointed to the brand name on my shoes.]
Myself: Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to go wait over there.
Random Guy1: Are you sure he’s coming?
Myself: Yes, I think he is.
Random Guy1: Alright, well if he doesn’t, call me.
Myself: Okay.

I went on my date with intellectual-conversation-guy and the I-want-to-date-this-guy vibe just wasn’t there. We wrapped it up early, I chipped in for dinner and headed home. I don’t have anything negative to report other than I wasn’t excited about the prospect of him in my love life. I’m also not positive, but I think the guy I’d exchanged numbers with was in the same restaurant as us, eating alone. It was a little creepy because I wasn’t sure if he’d followed me, it was a coincidence, or it wasn’t him at all. I texted the random guy from earlier after my date, anyway. Turns out I have a few more years on him than I’d assumed/hoped. I guess that’s what stirred my inner-teenage-drive? Not sure it’s a great idea to pursue a guy who may be legal, but who can’t legally buy you a drink. …Or maybe this is just where I get some early practice at being a cougar in the future? That’s the problem with looking younger than you are –Guys either assume you’re 14 and ignore you, or else 14 is actually a lot closer to their age than yours. I can’t wait until this is the good thing they’ve been telling me about once I hit 30 or 40.

Approached By More Strangers (Part 1)

Posted on July 8, 2013 by TiredOfDating

So, tonight I was waiting out in public again -this time I was a little early for a second date with intellectual-conversation-guy. I was approached by two different guys in my 10 minute wait…

Random Guy1: Are you waiting for someone?
Myself: Yeah. Aren’t most people standing around over here?
Random Guy1: [He shrugged] So is it a date, who you’re waiting for?
Myself: Yeah, a second date.
Random Guy1: Oh, so what are you guys going to do?
Myself: Dinner.
Random Guy1: I see, well have a nice night then. I hope it goes well.
Myself: Thanks.
[I guess he was hoping I was waiting around for just a friend…]

Random Guy2: High five! [He held up his hand.]
Myself: Why? [I gave him a high five.]
Random Guy2: Because they’re awesome and you look like someone who I’d really like to high five.
Myself: Alright then?
Random Guy2: Yeah!
Myself: Okay?
Random Guy2: So, are you waiting for someone you’re meeting here?
Myself: A date.
Random Guy2: Oh, so why do you look a little uneasy or sort of nervous?
Myself: Oh, well it’s a second date. I don’t really know him yet.
Random Guy2: Ohh, I see. Well, good luck with that and you should give him a high five when you see him.
Myself: Okay, thanks.
[Well, that’s one way to approach someone new…]

Who knew dating sites and bars were this unnecessary when all of this time I could just stand around a public place and wait for guys to approach me?…

(Find Part 2 Of This Story In The Next Post…)

Asked Out & Rejected By The Same Stranger

Posted on July 6, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Today I was out in public meeting up with an old friend. I pulled out my phone to locate him when a stranger, probably around my age range, and generally attractive (though, not my type) approached me…

Random Guy: “Did you know it’s illegal to text in [OUR LOCATION CENSORED]?”
Myself: “Well, I’m not texting. I’m about to call my friend because I’m meeting him here and I don’t see him.”
Random Guy: “Oh, well wait don’t call yet, I have to ask you something!”
[I call my friend and locate him about 10 seconds later. He awkwardly stands and waits while I finish the conversation with the stranger. He’s the type of friend that would be cool with this. Why the random guy didn’t feel uncomfortable by my friend’s presence is a mystery to me. He did introduce himself to my friend, at least…]
Random Guy: “If a guy came up to you and told you that he thought you were really pretty, what would you say?”
Myself: “I would say ‘thank you’ –I think that’s something most people would go with.”
Random Guy: “Yeah, that is a good answer. You know what a better answer would be? ‘Wow, that compliment meant so much to me and I found it so incredibly touching that I really owe you and I want to go out on a date with you.’”
Myself: “Do you get that answer often? Is that what girls tell you?”
Random Guy: “Well, I used to go up to them and ask if they would kiss me.”
Myself: “Yeah, most of them probably wouldn’t go for that. You’d need to find the right type who would.”
Random Guy: “A couple of them would kiss me. Most of the time it didn’t work out well. So, how about we exchange numbers?”
Myself: “But I don’t know you!”
Random Guy: “Yeah but how else will we get to know each other? We could go out and talk and get to know each other.”
Myself: “Um, well wouldn’t I just be one of like hundreds of people you’ve done this with? I’d go out with you, but you’d be going out with lots of other girls who agreed to this too?”
Random Guy: “I don’t know, but you should let me put my number in your phone.”
[Nights of loneliness ran through my mind and I had a brief moment of “aw, what the hell…”]
Myself: “Alright, what’s your number?”
Random Guy: “That’s a huge case on your phone.”
Myself: “No, it has a keyboard attached.”
Random Guy: “Oh. Okay, but you have to actually text me, though –This isn’t high school.”
Myself: “Okay, fine! I’ll text you, the random guy in my phone. -But right now I’m going to spend some time with my friend.”
Random Guy: “Nah, you know what. I can’t. I don’t date 14 year olds.”
Myself: “I’m [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED]!”
[He walked away in the middle of my revealing my age –which is in my 20’s. I shrugged it off and grabbed some dinner with my friend.]

Tonight I also met/had my first date with intellectual-conversation-guy. His profile and messages actually gave a pretty good representation of himself! If my posts here start lacking quality, you know why.
PS- It made me a little nervous to see my page views jump from 300 to over 2,500 overnight but I’m glad you’re all enjoying this and I hope to keep it up for you =)

The Dating Cycle

Posted on July 4, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Dating is exhausting. It’s an endless cycle one needs to repeat unless they’d rather remain single. Sure, I guess there are rare instances where it works out and stops –people do marry, and some don’t even get divorced…But then there’s that other chunk of us who scroll through our FaceBook newsfeeds day after day and wonder how it’s possible another person we know has gotten married, engaged, or pregnant each and every day when we haven’t even added anyone new in the longest time. Most of us witnessing this phenomenon are in our 20’s and 30’s, and have probably wondered about hitting our 40’s and see it all changing to “so and so’s relationship status has changed to divorced” day after day. Those of us dating over the last less-than-10 years are really the first to experience this social media craze in which our relationships are now broadcast more than ever. It’s a new norm we’re settling into and feeling the pressure of “keeping up” with those around us even more. Early into your 20’s is when you can still remember all too well, the general reaction being “Oh no!” over “Congratulations” upon finding out about someone’s pregnancy…But after some time it settles in that you’re an adult now. Only, sometimes dating doesn’t feel so adult. People play games, there seem to be unwritten rules to these games, and then we find many who just end up acting childish.

It’s the cycle that tires me. -The one in which you meet someone new, you think they may have some potential of being the type of person you’ll develop feelings for, and so you spend time with the person again and again. You talk and talk. You ask each other questions. You explain yourself to them, and learn about every bit of them that you can. You share and experience with them, all until you’ve developed some sort of positive connection. Money is spent. Thoughts are spent. Time is spent. You make sure you don’t check in too much, but still call just enough. Though, “just enough” is a different amount for everyone. You slowly work on getting used to someone new, feeling comfortable around them, understanding them, and hopefully they develop an understanding of you as well. You put your best impression out there while remaining yourself and the not-so-great rest of you is eventually exposed, as well as the other’s. You might even feel “love” (however you may define it) at some point beyond feeling “like.” And then when you’ve completed exhausted all of your energy doing this and feeling comfortable and accomplished in all you’ve gotten through, one of you will crush the other. One of you will end the relationship. And if the rejection, and acknowledgment of no longer being able to speak to or see someone you’ve come so accustomed to being with so often isn’t devastating enough, the fact that you will now need to repeat this entire process from the beginning with someone new will be. Even if you are one of those people that can eventually look back at something and remember the good, appreciate the experience, learn, and enjoy for the sake of experiencing, it still takes some time for that to settle in.

Now all of that is “best” case scenario, I must remind you that before you even get to “you meet someone who you think might have potential” you meet a lot of people who don’t. You weed through them on the internet, or in real life. You go to parties, to bars, to shows, to social gatherings of every type. You meet, and meet until you find someone who just “might” and even then they might not end up being a great match for you. There’s also often rejection in asking someone out, which is an even more personal type than the kind you might get on a job interview…Remind me again why those moments you shared where you were laughing and close outweigh the downsides of dating? Or is it that people get to a point where either the loneliness or in-the-moment good feeling temporarily blinds us from what dating is really like? Don’t forget the relationship quarrels as well! When my last relationship ended I found the fact that I’d have to start the cycle of dating from the beginning all over again, more upsetting than the fact that this person would no longer be a big part of my life. Maybe it’s just harder on introverts. Whether you’ve associated yourself with being an introvert, extrovert, or neither, I recommend reading “Quiet, The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking.” (I’m sure it’s on amazon.com or something.) Introverts like social interaction, but are drained by too much of it. I know that for me personally, the amount of social interaction one must go through to find a date has always been pretty draining. Enough dating can make one think, “is it really so bad to settle?” But I got a text from intellectual-conversation-guy which means a first in-person meeting is in the works…And so, I move into the next stage of the cycle…again.

Dating Website Inbox

Posted on July 3, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I don’t have a great post for you today because I’ve actually been enjoying most of my recent social interactions again, but I’ll still leave you with something. Oh, and apparently people only like to read blogs with pictures, so I’m going back through my posts and adding pictures to some of them for you.

I love how original some of the messages I get on these dating sites are…
Message From [FIRST NAME CENSORED]115: Hi my name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Really? I’d have never guessed that from your username.]

Let’s continue scrolling through my inbox of unanswered messages from this past week…
Random Guy 1: Gi
Random Guy 1: Hi
[Seriously? Who makes a typo in a two-letter-word message to someone they’ve never sent an e-mail to before?]
Random Guy 2: Hi how are you tonight?
Random Guy 3: hi!!!
[Because the exclamation points make it original, right?]
Random Guy 4: Hey what’s going on??
[May I remind you these messages are (the first) e-mails in an inbox on a dating site. NOT from the use of a chat program on the dating site.]
Random Guy 5: Heyyy!! How are you doing? :)
Random Guy 6: Hello
Random Guy 7: Hello. My name is [FIRST NAME CENSORED]. How is it going?
Random Guy 8: Hey how are you? You seem fun so I wanted to say hello! Got anything good planned for your weekend? –[FIRST NAME CENSORED]
[Hey, look at you adding a second question…]
Random Guy 9: Hey
Random Guy 10: Heyy I just bumped into your profile and found it pretty interesting. . do you mind chatting?
[Yes, I mind. That’s why you didn’t get a reply. See, you didn’t even need to ask the question to find out the answer!]
Random Guy 11: Hey how are you doing tonight ?
Random Guy 12: Hey how are you ..? I would definitely like to get to know you better ..so get back to me :-)
Random Guy 13: Hey
[That last one came in as I was posting this…]

I should point out that I didn’t post four messages which either said some version of “you’re sexy” or a short description of themselves which could also be found on their profile. But that is 4 out of 14 nearly identical messages…
So, if you’re a guy actually hoping for a reply to your initial message to a girl on a dating site, keep in mind that this is probably what her inbox looks like already and try to come up with something a little more interesting.

Tired Of Dating Guy & Bad Timing

Posted on July 2, 2013 by TiredOfDating

A few months ago I met a guy at a party. We were in the middle of a good conversation as the party was winding down, so we headed to over my place. We continued talking throughout the night until we passed out around 7am. “Talking” wasn’t code name for anything -Nothing happened. When I woke up he was gone. There was no note, nothing left behind. It was the strangest feeling, like a one night stand (which I’ve never had anyway) -but without the sex- possibly making it even more depressing. Thanks to technology, I found him on the internet shortly after. He seemed interested in seeing me again. A few days later I invited him to a comedy show and got, “Sorry, I just met someone and we really hit it off, so I’m not interested in dating anyone else at this time.” I’d missed my opportunity in just a few days? Whatever happened to “you should wait a few days before calling after a first date?” Are you supposed to follow the damn rules or not? (Typically, I don’t.) It’d been a decent chunk of months since that day, so I decided to check in with him the other night and see if he wanted to hang out. Now, I found his blunt honesty pretty attractive, however it no longer seemed we were interested in the same thing. In just those few months he’d gone from searching for a date to searching just for sex. I know “all guys want sex” and all of that, but don’t we all sort of grow out of that “Woo, let’s just hook up!” phase by our early twenties or so? Maybe not. Either way, the timing was all off in yet another episode in the world of dating, and I will continue to be tired of the whole damn thing. I guess that’s just how dating leaves people after a while –you settle, give up, or just end up looking for sex. Here is a little (somewhat cut-down version) of the actual conversation…

Myself: hi, wanna hang out ever?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Lol sure, can I ask if the extracurricular activities that might have been on the table the first time we hung out still on the table (maybe)?
Myself: I don’t think I understand your question??
Tired Of Dating Guy: [There’s an elaboration on making out/etc. here…] I trying to refer to that in the least sleazy way and now it still sounds sleazy
Myself: Ohh…Well that’s kind of awkward to discuss? I mean, I don’t know I am single or whatever [Elaboration on being single…]…So if you ever saw me you’d just be interested in like hooking up, though?
Tired Of Dating Guy: Yeah it is awkward but I’ve been in a funk and frankly I put more weight in honestly. [Elaboration on me being single…] And no I’m cool with just hanging out but let’s be honest I’m a guy, we always think about hooking up.
[I love that he lumps himself into such a stereotyped category of guys.]
Tired Of Dating Guy: My apologies if that’s too blunt
Myself: I’m good with the honesty. [I continue to explain what I’m looking for…] I guess you’d have sounded like too much of an asshole if you just went with “Well yeah, I have no interest in seeing you except to hook up with you in some way…”
[We go on discussing what he’s looking for…]
Tired Of Dating Guy: And yes the past 4 months or so I’ve gone through some short periods of seeing someone and none of the situations panned out so I took a step back and at this point if any situation came up for me I’d prefer a more casual or no strings type of thing
[The rest of the conversation is sort of me just speaking through a long sigh as he tells me it’s all he’s looking for now.]

Dating Website Conversation #8

Posted on June 30, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I’ve got another great example of why I’m tired of dating…The intellectual-conversation-guy hasn’t replied in days and if that wasn’t disappointing enough, my inbox’s recent messages have been replaced with the following conversation from someone else…

Random Guy: hello how are you beautiful
Myself: I’m alright, thanks.
I don’t think we would be a good match, though.
Good luck on your search here.
Random Guy: Oh thank u don’t break my heart now lol
Random Guy: You look amazing Poole are exiting when they saw you …with that elegant body well we can be friends if you Like it
Myself: No, thank you.
The way you write is really unattractive.
Random Guy: Ok I’m sorry I have to be ones with you I have some family problems and was on bad mood that’s why I talk with you unattractive
Random Guy: :(
Myself: It’s the grammar that bothers me.
Random Guy: I’m sorry but do not have a lot of years here
Random Guy: Well you probably born here but I came here lol
Myself: That’s understandable, but being on a dating site (which requires you to write messages) might not be the best place for you to meet people then.
Random Guy: Ok can just call me if you can or text my Internet it is very slow [PHONE NUMBER CENSORED]
Myself: um, no thank you. I’m not interested. Like I already mentioned, I don’t think we’re a good match. I just think it’s rude to ignore people, even on here, so I was just letting you know. You’re not the type of guy I want to date.
Good luck, though.
Random Guy: Ok lol bey
Random Guy: Ok thank you

Oh man, I should call him, record it, and take these posts to a whole new level! (Not quite there, yet…)
And seriously, who’s on 56k in this day and age anyway that they can’t even click “Send” on online dating site message?
I wonder if some girls are as persistent when turned down as some of these guys are…
—Great news mid-posting (bad news for substance in my posts here)— Intellectual-conversation-guy has just replied after a long awaited 4 days!

(Or let’s just NOT meet is more of what I was thinking…)

Dating Website Conversation #7

Posted on June 29, 2013 by TiredOfDating

My dating website profile specifies that I am looking for guys in my age range (20’s), without children. Of course everyone else on the website is taking it as seriously as I am. Here is today’s winner, a recent message I haven’t replied to…

Random Guy: hi [MY USERNAME CENSORED] :)
I’ve been on here for less than two weeks and I think I’ve signed in twice! But your profile just came up as I was venturing into my first search and I enjoyed reading your witty responses and also thought that your photos were fabulous! So…..it would be great to chat sometime of you are interested….my profile is deliberately sparse so I’m [NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED], 41 years old, 5 10, originally from England, came to [CITY CENSORED] in 2010 via Canada. I’m 100% honest and upfront and that means declarations now! Lol never married, 12 year old daughter in Canada who I visit twice a month, I’m employed, never done drugs, never cheat and am sane, positive and easy going :)
I’d love to hear from you soon :)
[NAME NOT MATCHING NAME IN USERNAME CENSORED]

Sometimes I’m not incredibly shocked, disgusted, annoyed, or amused by the messages I get, they just make me sigh…

Crab Guy

Posted on June 25, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I’m sorry I took a few days off from making posts here. I was busy meeting new people in real life and also having an actual intellectual conversation with someone on a dating site for a change. I’ve been pretty distracted. Hopefully this recent dating site dude will provide quite a story if we meet or I’m going to be out of material on here for a while!

I should clarify that this other guy I’m about to quote is actually pretty cool. I met him a couple of days ago in a completely random situation and if his friends ever decide to utilize my contact information I’ll be in touch with them again…

Random Guy: *holds out plastic crab figurine* “Do you want my crab?”
Myself: “I’m not sure the best pick up line you should be using on girls is asking if they want your crabs.”
Random Guy: “I know, I’m really not very good with lines. That sounded pretty bad. This one time a girl on [DATING WEBSITE CENSORED] said she needed a place to stay while her apartment was being fumigated and I said that she could stay at my place even though we hadn’t met before.”
Myself: “That’s not a line…”
Random Guy: “I know, that’s what I mean. I’m really bad with lines.”

Dating Website Conversation #6

Posted on June 20, 2013 by TiredOfDating

Well, it was getting late tonight and I was starting to think I wouldn’t have anything at all for this today. I reactivated one of my old dating site profiles a little earlier, because you know, you never know. Though, I definitely feel like this one is one of the crummier sites. We’ll see! Anyway, it’s not much but at least I got something. It’s mostly just me being silly again towards yet another guy I have no interest in, though. Sometimes I think it comes off as a little more mean than completely honest…

Random Guy: Hi beautiful forever are u doing i see u online can we chat if u don’t mind
Myself: Nah, it’s possible you find me attractive at this moment, but it’s pretty unlikely I would be beautiful forever. Most likely as I age, as all humans do, I will become more and more unattractive. I will gain wrinkles, lose hair, get all saggy and whatever. Of course, one can remain beautiful on the inside -though it seemed like you were making the comment directed at physical attractiveness as you attached some pictures of yourself to this message. Thank you for your compliment, however I’m going to decline the invite to chat with you. I do mind because I’m not interested and I don’t want to. Have a great night and good luck on this site!

Dating Website Questions #2

Posted on June 19, 2013 by TiredOfDating

I skimmed through some old messages to find those I’d politely declined conversing with. I found the guy who had me so disgusted with men/humanity I actually took a shower because I felt so awful being reminded that there are people like him in the world. His profile angered me and there wasn’t a single answer he gave to one question which I would’ve preferred hearing. From insignificant to important topics, I disagreed with or was upset by each of his answers. He actually chose answers to every question I ever thought “who would even ever choose that answer?!” about. Here are a few of the random questions and his answers…

Dating Website Question: Gay marriage –should it be legal?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Assume you have a homosexual friend who is the same gender as you. Would it bother you if they hugged you?
Random Guy’s Answer: Only if I thought the hug was more than friendly.
Dating Website Question: Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Is anything in life more important than your own self-interest?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Which describes you better, cool-headed or warm-hearted?
Random Guy’s Answer: Cool-headed
Dating Website Question: Have you been faithful in all of your past relationships?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever lead someone on romantically just for fun?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Have you ever told someone that you loved them when you didn’t?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Are sex and intimacy the same thing?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Would you honestly answer any question concerning your sexual history that a partner might ask?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever lied to a partner about your sexual history?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Is there such a thing as having had too many sex partners?
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Do you believe that men should be the heads of their households?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Some religions are more correct than others.
Random Guy’s Answer: True
Dating Website Question: Do you leave the lights on after leaving a room when they are no longer necessary?
Random Guy’s Answer: Usually –This isn’t very important.
Dating Website Question: Do you attempt to conserve water, energy or other resources during your everyday life?
Random Guy’s Answer: No, I don’t care
Dating Website Question: On average which best describes how often you get wicked drunk?
Random Guy’s Answer: Twice a week or more
Dating Website Question: Could you live the rest of your life without drinking alcohol
Random Guy’s Answer: No
Dating Website Question: Are you a genius?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes
Dating Website Question: Are you a good liar?
Random Guy’s Answer: Yes