Seems like it’s about time to make an update on my dating life…Well, this short-lived conversation happened recently…Also note the time that passed between messages…
Dating Website Conversation #24
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Tag Archives: dating
Age Matters?
So, there was something I left out about Mr. Perfect Profile. Besides the obvious imperfection of him standing me up twice, there was something else that I thought was minor. He was two years younger than what I’d set as the youngest age of who I was looking for on the dating site, and I was two years older than what he’d set as the age of the oldest he was looking for. I do have the age range set pretty close to my own age, so I thought I’d be a little more open-minded and a couple of weeks ago I extended the range down a couple of years and up a couple. Since I did that I’ve been stood up twice and also received this message from some random dude…
I’m pretty clear on my profile that I’m not looking for just a hook-up, you know if anyone even just glances as it, because by now we all know no one reads profiles, right? Don’t you love the part where he tells me to take his request as a compliment, too? He must be the most amazing person on earth and I should feel lucky he’d have even suggested this offer to someone like me, right? I haven’t come up with how exactly I’d like to tell him off yet, so at the moment, I still haven’t answered.
Stood Up Again
I’ve got until June 2019 to find a suitable male date before the condoms I just bought all expire again. Remember Mr. Perfect Profile? Last week I shot him one of those not-quite-desperate, and rather mostly just determined texts, a week after he’d canceled our date last minute. I figured I’d have nothing to lose. My weekend was open, there were no other prospective dates lined up, and we’d never met so it didn’t really matter how I came off as to him, so I asked him out a second time. In the past I had a history of being somewhat naïve and under the assumption if someone said they were busy, they were busy. It never occurred to me that someone wouldn’t be completely honest with me when it came to dating. After years of being lied to, I’ve kind of toughened up and have trouble trusting what I’m told, but there’s still a part of me that will fold if the liar becomes defensive. It’s difficult to find the balance in protecting my feelings, while not coming off as insensitive. This time when he excitedly accepted the rescheduled date for Saturday night, I teased him, “Just let me know a little sooner if you plan on backing out at the last minute again this time.” He became defensive about family issues having come up that weekend, and immediately I noticed I was apologizing, nervous of having offended an honest person. Shortly after that we’d confirmed a place and time for the date. I hadn’t planned on getting my hopes up again. I was pretty let down the first time he’d backed out, and knew it could easily happen again, but by Thursday I felt myself getting anxious about the upcoming weekend. I thought it might be best to check in Friday, so I wished him a happy Friday and asked if we were still on for the next day. No answer, but that’s alright because he was probably at work. When I still hadn’t heard from him on that rainy Saturday, and I joked asking if I should assume he wasn’t into heading out in the rain to meet me at that bar, and I never heard back, I knew there was no need to pick out an outfit.
That’s one thing that I will always find completely uncalled for, though. Ignoring someone. I’m not talking about missing a call or a text here or there when you’re busy. I’m not even talking about when you get some strange initial message on a dating site from someone you’ve never spoken to before. (I do think it’s a little rude not to answer one of those, especially when it’s a long and non-generic message, but I can understand that some people would rather not get a reply than a reply letting them down, and some people don’t have time to respond to each and every message, especially when already conversing with a prospective date. It’s a tool used to meet someone you’d like to go on a date with, and it’s users are generally aware of that.) I’m talking about when you’ve already met someone, or had a decent amount of dialogue with a person with plans set to meet them, and you decide to back out of it by suddenly not acknowledging anything they say. I don’t care if it’s over the internet or what year this is, it’s rude, disrespectful, and completely uncalled for. The digital age has helped disconnect us from one another to the extent that we forget there is a person on the other end of that textmessage, e-mail, or phone call. There is a human being with thoughts, feelings, and some sort of schedule in their life who has decided to put aside x amount of time of their indefinite lifetime to speak to you or spend time with you. The very least you can do to not be a piece of sh*t human being on this earth is to follow through or politely decline their request and not leave them hanging there indefinitely over what you might have to say, only to find out that you didn’t even have it in you to offer seconds of your time to spare them any of their time wasted over you. It’s selfish and cruel.
Alright, this isn’t just about last weekend. This isn’t the first time, I know it’s not the last time, and I know I’m not the only one it’s happened to. It’s bigger than “I’ll call you” and they don’t. It’s just being ignored entirely. It’s when you try to connect with someone and they respond by pretending you’re not even there. It’s reaching out and then having someone suggest your existence is just not significant enough to be acknowledged. It’s just as childish as when you were a kid and your friend was mad at you. They would say they’re not talking to you, and even though you knew they could hear you, they’d turn the other way and remain silent. It usually ended with finding a person in the middle and a “Tell so and so that I am not speaking to them,” which was eventually followed up with breaking the silence and directing their words to you again. Through text messages, the middle person doesn’t exist. You can either send follow up texts that make you look like a fool when the other person continues to ignore you, or you can patiently await a reply that never comes, going about your day with the lingering idea in the back of your mind, triple checking that your phone is on, you haven’t hit silent mode by mistake, and you have no missed messages. This act makes you feel pathetic and it’s followed by negative feelings of either sadness or angry, and it’s really all quite unnecessary. It’s when you go out on a date and afterwards he/she texts you that they had a great time and would like to see you again, and then you then set plans for x night and never hear from that person again. It’s when you show up to the bar/restaurant and no one is there, without having a single missed call on your phone. It’s when you develop some sort of connection with someone over many messages on the internet, textmessages, or phone calls and when it comes time to meet it’s as if they literally disappeared off the face of the planet.
I am reminded of this because a decent number of years ago I went out on a date after meeting this guy in a bar. It went well. We continued talking and he asked me on another date. We still continued to converse, the night of the next date neared and poof he was gone. Never answered another of my texts or calls. Removed himself from the event invite to my birthday party. Removed himself from FaceBook. I thought maybe something horrible had happened to him. I thought maybe something had happened with his family. I thought maybe he might have come out of the closet and not been ready to speak to me about it. I thought of just about every possibility, including a lot of blame on myself. It hadn’t occurred to me that the most logical idea was that for whatever reason (including meeting someone else) he had changed his mind about going on another date with me, and decided that rather than facing me and confronting me with this, he would make himself vanish. He, as many others do, just ran away from something unpleasant like a coward, leaving someone else to deal with the uncomfortable situation on their own. A couple of weeks ago I noticed this “new” friend on my FaceBook. It was the dude I’d gone on that date with years ago who disappeared off the face of the planet. He must’ve just reactivated his FaceBook and never deleted me as a friend back then. Remembering it was around the time of my birthday, I curiously clicked through his pictures from back then. Apparently he’d gone on vacation and decided to just vanish off the earth instead of just texting me to call off our date. I can’t make any more sense of it now, but I guess I can probably lump him into the “just a jerk” category at this point and continue to move on.
Have you ever stood someone up? Have you ever ignored someone as a way of avoiding a future date with them? Have you ever walked out on someone you were in a long-term relationship with? Why did you do it? How did it make you feel? Did you ever consider how it would be for the other person? Did the person ever deserve it?
Dateless Weekends
This might have only been about that night, but lately this conversation feels like it applies to every weekend…
(…The conversation turned into a couple of general questions that just sort of trailed off into silence after that.)
I’m losing patience on dating sites…
…He tried again but it was still too generic and I gave up.
Early-On Dumping A Date
The time-traveler (see previous post for the back story) shot me a text the next afternoon. I know he doesn’t use textmessages, so I knew that was big for him. I suddenly felt guilty about how I’d left things off, when I really had no plans of speaking to him again. It took me a couple of hours before I remembered how much I hated being ignored in that situation, and decided it would just be better to let him know how I felt before leading him on any further. His textmessage had sounded so sweet, so I felt kind of awful to bring him down. It went like this…
It was his short reply that made me feel pretty bad, though…
That curt “See ya” has such a hurt and defensive tone behind it. I didn’t read it as a friendly, “Oh well” sort of “see ya,” but one that says “I don’t care,” when you really do. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry I may have mislead him, or that I felt bad, but nothing I typed into that “compose message” box seemed like anything that would have made me feel better if I’d been on the receiving end of it. My friends think I shouldn’t feel so guilty and that he shouldn’t have had that response, but I know there have been times I was there. Even just a couple of days ago I’d had my excitement over the latest Mr. Perfect Profile crushed. Somehow this text read “I was happy about meeting you and felt potential in how things went, all last night and throughout today, and then you shattered that.” Maybe he should’ve read into my “I’m tired” so early into the night a little better. Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed him goodnight. Either way, no matter how short-lived something may have been, bringing someone down who didn’t really do anything wrong will never be a pleasant thing. Although that was a lot of reading into the text exchange I did, I suddenly felt an overwhelming distain for dating…That probably sparked some of this blog’s recent comeback.
Date With A Time Traveler?
[Continuation From Previous Post]
I hadn’t been out on a date in months, and I also hadn’t been out on a date with a guy in almost a year. Feeling that this made it some sort of out-of-the-ordinary special occasion, even with a not-so-special (yet?) person, I decided to spend a little extra time on my appearance. I’ve got a job where formal attire is required, sucking the excitement out of being “dressed up for a change.” So, a little more effort is necessary to stray from my routine look. I know I don’t “need” makeup, but spending some extra time applying it differently from my usual look, paired with the extra 5 minutes on my hair, I did feel that I looked pretty hot that night. (That’s not a word I typically use to describe myself.) Even if it was just the confidence boost it somehow added, it was nice to feel that way. Knowing the person I was about to meet was really my second choice date for the night, I figured I’d arrive a little early to have a pre-date drink and psych myself up for it a little more. Maybe I was also hoping to get someone else’s number before he arrived. I spent the first 20 minutes in a crowded bar desperately looking for some place to put my glass of wine down so I could take off my coat. I leaned against the wall in-between the jukebox and the ATM hoping someone might separate from their group and use one of them. Eventually I did ask someone very attractive to hold the glass for me for a moment. Their body language screamed “I’m not interested in you.” Thanks. I wasn’t off to an exciting night.
The date showed up mostly on time and I was surprised that his accent, clothes, and just about everything about him felt like he’d been plucked from some old New York film from somewhere around the 1920-1940’s. It was quite interesting and even more so hilarious. I decided to pretend we’d gone back in time and I went with it. Of course, he was clueless to this game –as this was just who he was present day. He used the restroom and when he walked out immediately said, “Ah, you’re still here, that’s good.” I figured it was a joke, but wondered if anyone had really been that rude to him before and just vanished moments after meeting him. At my suggestion, we got out of that bar and went a couple of blocks down to the less crowded place I was actually supposed to meet my first choice date at. Wouldn’t it have been funny if he had been there with someone else? I wouldn’t have been surprised after how excited he’d sounded over the bar. He wasn’t there, that I noticed. So, second choice date and I talked. He talked like we were living decades in the past, and it fueled my game of imagining we’d gone back in time when he talked about his distain for the latest technology and refusal to use textmessages. Even when I asked about his family he seemed to ramble more about New York history, when this and that bridge was being built and so on, than their actual lives. Perhaps he had been a time traveler! My little sci-fi fantasy was probably the only thing keeping up my excitement about the date. From the start I wasn’t feeling very into him, and had to keep my mind from wandering to the beginning where he’d noted I was still there after he’d stepped into the restroom. To pass the time and keep myself entertained, I talked a lot, and I talked about things that interested me. If you’re interested in someone, I suggest asking to hear more about that person rather than talking their ear off about yourself. That’s sort of a general rule number one on dates. That is, dates you want to go somewhere.
I didn’t mind when he kissed me because I’d had a couple of drinks, but it woke me up to realize he was somehow into me even after my non-stop chatter, or just looking to hook up, and I shouldn’t lead him on. I told him I was tired and I had to go head home. Sometimes I am actually tired and sometimes I have had a good time, but feel it’s getting late. So, I can’t tell you that it’s every time, but there is a very good possibility someone isn’t into you or the date if they tell you they’re tired. He seemed a bit surprised as two hours hadn’t even gone by yet, but he walked me to the train anyway. I hugged him goodbye and quickly had the thought, “Well, you’ve already kissed him, maybe it would be weird if you didn’t kiss him goodbye now” –Of course, there wasn’t much time to give it a second thought because my train was about to leave, so I kissed him goodnight and hurried on my way. I was still humored over the idea that he’d really been from some other decade in time, and although I’d never know without seeing him again, I figured it might be more fun to keep it as a sort of mystery novelty idea. I might have just gone on a date with a time traveler. That was a much more fun way of putting it than what the more probably reality had been.
Finding Another “Perfect” Profile
Do you ever find someone “perfect” on a dating website, or rather find that they have the “perfect” profile? You sort of have that invisible check list you run down and you find that their qualifications to date you are off the charts. While you know the guy or girl might be totally different in person, every word they write, and every picture they put up is exactly what you look for on a profile. When you read it you smile and nod along to every line until it seems too good to be true. It usually is in the end, isn’t it? I’ve only found this kind of profile two or three times in all my years on dating sites. Of course, if all had gone to plan after finding them, I wouldn’t have this blog. I wind up excited over the potential, stressed about screwing things up in the conversation, and nervous about getting my hopes too high for some sort of later let-down. A couple of weeks ago I stumbled onto one of those pages, and we wound up in an excellent back and forth conversation. We both seemed to be so perfectly aligned on every topic, humored by each other’s jokes, and just having an overall great flow in conversation. I realized how long it’d been since I’d had a good conversation with someone and how much I’d missed it. It was more than just the basic getting to know you questions, it was stories and anecdotes that made it interesting and real. Just a couple of days into the conversation, I sent my number and said to text me so we could make plans to meet. Just a couple of hours later I got a text, and all seemed well…Until it didn’t.
I’ll spare you the details of most of the he said/she said, but plans to meet went into the works over a two week period with a lot of uncertainty on his side. “I might not be free? I have tentative plans with a flakey friend,” “As of right now I am free Saturday. There may be a work thing going on but I don’t think it’s likely,” and then “I should be good for tomorrow.” In fact the only time I got a “Yeah, definitely!” was when I said “Maybe some time when you’re free.” There were some excuses about work preventing answers via text with days-long gaps in-between. I got the feeling he’d recently met someone else and none of this was truly what was going on. When we were finally locked in with a place and time for Saturday night, I had a bad feeling about it. Sure, I’d been excited about it all week, but something told me I was going to get stood up. I’d been talking to someone okay, yet less interesting on the same dating site, so I hesitantly made plans with him for the same night. I’ve never done that before, had a date with a back-up date lined up in case one fell through, but for some reason it just felt necessary this weekend. I’d spent too many lame weekends in a row pondering what it’d be like to be out on a date again.
Three hours before the date, around the time I’d have been hopping in the shower, I checked into the dating site and sure enough he was on it. Of course, this didn’t mean a lot because I was also logged in, and I’d still been chatting with other prospective dates. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that until you’ve actually met someone and established some monogamous agreement in your relationship, but after already having a bad feeling about the uncertain language he’d been using, I sent a “So, see you there at 7?” final text. That’s when I got the latest story about “some shit going down back home” and how he was out of town, wouldn’t be back for over a week, and sorry for cancelling. Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn’t. It probably wasn’t. Either way, disappointed I sulked some. Why was this “perfect” profile this misleading about the person behind it? I started thinking about the flaws we all have. Everyone we ever meet has them and we’ve just got to find a compatible combination of our flaws. Almost everyone you’ll ever date is someone else’s ex for a reason. The “perfect” person is only perfect to you because you find the combination of their positive attributes and flaws to be flawlessly compatible with your own. Although I wasn’t psyched about my back-up date, I decided not to let the outfit I’d picked out go to waste that night and started getting ready anyway…
[Check Back For Details On The Date I Went On In The Next Post!]
TiredOfDating.net Returns
My long hiatus from here was due to a long hiatus from dating. I guess you could say I was at a good place in my life, busied by my hobbies, and just content on my own. Of course, after a while circumstances change, and when the awful side to dating and stresses of relationships fade from your mind, one starts to miss the pleasant parts. Or maybe I’m just at that point where my friends are continuing to marry with children left and right, and nearing 30 starts to sound like an age I’d like to be less single. I suppose I’m at that point where I’m giving it all another 100th attempt. (I don’t know that I’ve actually had 100 love interests/been on 100 dates before.) So, I’ve been logging back into my dating site profiles, swiping my “yes” and “no”s on apps and scoping out those on the train or in the bar. I can’t promise how often I’ll be posting here again or what you should expect, but for the time being, yes TiredOfDating.net is back.
The Flakey Comedian (Part 3)
The date we had set for Wednesday got moved to Saturday, then Sunday, and then again to the next Wednesday. At this point I was losing interest pretty rapidly. I couldn’t tell if she’d met someone more interesting, or was just the kind of unorganized person with a busy life that I’m not into. If I was in any other situation I’d probably have stopped asking when she was free. I might have stopped replying to her texts completely. If I had anything else going on, I might have not allowed her to hold so much power scheduling the next date. A friend suggested I drop her after the third time she rescheduled. “What would I gain doing that?” I asked. “Self respect?” he said. “Oh yeah, me and my self respect are going to sit at home without anything else to do and have so much fun together,” I replied. But, Wednesday it was. Wednesday at 6:30, then Wednesday at 7:00, then Wednesday at 7:30, but still Wednesday it was. I waited for her at the bar and when she walked in I immediately knew it wasn’t going anywhere. The vibe was different. We were distant from each other, almost forcing something that wasn’t there. We looked at each other like we were bored already. I don’t exactly know what made that night so different than the first, but it reminded me of a guy I dated last July who told me that he’s never had a decent second date. (You might remember my brief mention of who I referred to as “Intellectual Guy” before he quickly became “uninteresting guy.”) He had explained that he was quite skilled at first dates, but somehow always used up his charm by the second. Her and I talked, we had a drink, we walked to another bar, we had another drink, we might’ve even laughed a little, and then she had to go because she was tired. I knew she wasn’t really lying, but I also knew that was my line when I’d had enough of a date. On my way home I started to wonder if it was just an off-night. The pressure of nothing else going on was building again. What did I have to lose at that point? I tried out this text about 30 minutes after we parted ways that night:
After my text was ignored I got the message. So, I was home on a weeknight three drinks in, back to nothing “romantic” going on in my life. I thought about how crappy my dating life had been going lately and then I remembered the person who had inspired this post. He had texted me out of the blue to meet up, when I wasn’t free one night about two months ago. I hadn’t seen him in about 8 months now and started thinking it might be a nice option to have on the table again. Without thinking about it too much more, I sent him this text and yes it was after 11pm:
To my surprise he replied and this is how my night wound up:
[Insert graphic details of the rest of my night here]
The next day at work I spent most of my lunch break on Tinder seeking out someone new. Then my date from the night before texted me. As soon as my phone buzzed and I saw her name pop up, I knew what it was going to say and didn’t even want to read it…
Clearly I’d already received the message or I wouldn’t have texted my old friend the night before, or been back on Tinder so avidly. I would have rather she didn’t reply at all. I feel like that text just sort of made it awkward when it was unnecessary. As much as I always say I’d rather not be ignored and have people be straight forward with me, I think there are still certain times where it’s better when nothing is said. I got her message when she didn’t answer me the night before and it didn’t need to be rubbed in any further. If she hadn’t said anything about ignoring it, maybe we could’ve even been friends. That’s something I don’t like about online dating or Tinder dates. In the real world you can get to know someone without having to be on a date with them. You can start out as friends and see where it goes. When you meet someone from a dating site, the first time you meet it’s your first date. You can say you’re not going to call it that, but you always know it’s a date. By the second date if you know you’re not compatible with one another you basically have to break up. Being friends after a break-up generally has some difficulties. Although you’re on a much less intense level of breaking up, that awkward tinge remains. Maybe we could’ve laughed off my message and hung out again at some point if she hadn’t sent that totally “it’s not you it’s me” kind of text. It’s not so easy to come back leaving it off that way. I still think it would be fun to hang out with her though, do you think I should try asking about a friendship with her in a couple of weeks?
The Flakey Comedian (Part 2)
About two weeks ago I met the first person I’d ever met from Tinder. She greeted me with a hug and a million apologies about rescheduling our plans so many times, having me come out to her area to meet, and keeping me waiting a few minutes because I arrived early. We laughed about the fact that she had only known me for 2 seconds and already told me she was sorry 5 times. Immediately I was relieved she looked like the better pictures of herself and nothing like the unattractive ones. She got the first round of drinks and we started talking. We covered the basics as usual. “So, what do you do? Where are you from?” and the rest of the endless questions I couldn’t be sicker of by now. Then we switched to more interesting conversation topics like drugs, awful sexual encounters, belief/disbelief in god, and opinions of sixth senses. We were on the same page and I was having a good time. I was a little buzzed, but even before I felt the alcohol I was finding her more and more attractive. I liked her easy-going personality, her openness, and her humor. The better someone’s personality is, the more attractive they become physically. She was cute. “Are you drunk at all?” I asked her. “A little,” she said. “Good, I am a little too,” I told her. She goes, “I’m drunk enough to do this” leaned over the table we were sitting at and kissed me. I smiled. Then we kissed again. So yeah, it was a good date. On my way home I still had that fuzzy feeling from the drinks, but I was excited aside from it as well. How many days are you supposed to wait before you ask for another date? I don’t know, but I only waited about 30 minutes before sending the “I had a really good time, when are you free again?!” text. Luckily it was well-received with mutual feelings and a possible Wednesday.
The Flakey Comedian (Part 1)
A few months ago I tried Tinder for about 5 minutes. As if it was hard enough to find someone worth speaking to on dating sites, I was now limited to even less pictures and nearly no biography about the person at all. A few weeks ago I reinstalled the App to give it another chance anyway. (Hence this post.) I exchanged a few messages with some mutual right-swipe matches, but it wasn’t really going anywhere until this to-the-point message exchange:
We switched to texts and I was excited to discover that she was as talkative as I usually am. Due to conflicting schedules we made plans to meet the next weekend. She wasn’t incredibly attractive in her pictures, but she had this familiar-look I found intriguing. I could’ve sworn I’d seen her do stand-up comedy before. Turns out she was an aspiring comedian, and actually had performed at places I’d been. I’m still not sure I’ve actually seen her, though. As the weekend we were meeting drew near, the plan changed. Now she was working late that night and celebrating her birthday with her friends at a giant joint birthday party the rest of the weekend. She invited me, but something about the idea of first meeting someone in a date-like setting surrounded by all their friends on their birthday was off-putting. She rescheduled for during the week with one of those “I’ll definitely get back to you” messages. About a week and a half passed, along with our supposed date-night and I was starting to give up on the idea of her when suddenly I got an apology text about a busy week and free Saturday night coming up. Part of me knew I should’ve turned her down for being so flakey in the first place, but another part of me thought “Who are you kidding, it’s not like you have ANYTHING else going on.” The date was set.
An Acceptable Wait-Time For A Reply (Part 2)
Okay, so you remember the post about the guy who took a year to reply to my message? Well, that conversation was continued a couple of days ago:
Random Guy: Hello! Didn’t we talk a while back? I apologize if I didn’t message you back, I kinda got frustrated with this site and haven’t been on much recently. Anyway, I would love to get together sometime!
Myself: ..That was a year ago……
=\
Random Guy: This is true…but I still think we would get along well:)
Myself: Dude, now you just messaged me back over two months later…
I think that summarizes the success of (or lack of) my dating life right now.
Tindering
Thoughts I’ve Had Using Tinder:
★ It’s too easy to accidentally swipe right when you’re in the habit of viewing the rest of someone’s pictures and have a moment of panic that they might right-swipe you back.
★ It’s too easy to accidentally swipe left and suffer a moment of loss, as a chance to match is now impossible.
★ I want to meet you, not your dog, not your cat, and definitely not that meme you like. If you’re not in the picture, you’re not getting my right-swipe.
★ You might look great in group pictures, but if you’re not alone in any of your pictures, did you really think I’d go back and forth trying to narrow down which one you might be?
★ If you insist on having nothing but group pictures and everyone is attractive in every picture, I’ll probably swipe right. When we match I’ll panic realizing I still don’t know what you look like.
★ Why does your bio have your Instagram username? Did you think I was going to close Tinder, look for your Instagram, browse your pictures, then return to Tinder to decide if you’re a left or a right swipe?
★ I know you’re shy or thought it would be creative to hide your face in all of your pictures, but I don’t know what you’re doing on Tinder because you’re not making your case as to why you’re a right-swipe.
★ Why did you right-swipe me if you’re going to ignore my message?
★ Yes! -You’re only 5 miles away…386 miles away the next day? Oh, you were just on vacation.
★ Why are you showing me people of a gender which I have not asked you to show me?
★ Please don’t tell me “Tinderella” is going to be added to the dictionary.
★ “Humanitarians Of Tinder,” and “Tigers On Tinder” (Note: I personally haven’t seen one girl with a tiger on Tinder.)
Oh yeah, I have a dating blog…
I definitely have a couple of anecdotes to share from some bar hopping adventures, but I haven’t been writing because I’ve been feeling less “free” on this blog. I shared it with a couple of friends, (and probably some “friends”) when I first started it and have now begun to censor myself more than I would if it were fully anonymous. I’ll do my best to keep it up, but may have to make some adjustments to keep this blog at my comfort level. To be honest, I almost deleted the entire thing not that long ago, before deciding it wasn’t necessary. As far as the dating sites go, I sort of abandoned a few conversations I felt I was forcing myself to have, but of course the silly messages still occur every now and then –Here are two recent examples:
Random Guy: You’re adorable, so adorable in fact that I’ve decided I’m going to adopt you as my new little sister! Don’t worry, we’ll spend all our time climbing trees and drinking kool-aid. Actually you seem like a cool person, I’d love to get together sometime and let you cook for me haha.. Wait! You’re not crazy, are you!?
Myself: uh..Yeah, I am crazy. But I’m sorry, you seem a little crazier than me anyway and I’m not interested.
Random Guy: Well. Say you were with someone, and you liked them, but you wanted to treat it as something more casual. Then you find out he’s not circumcised. Would you prefer to switch to “just friends”? Versus if you were actually dating someone you really, really liked and wanted a serious relationship?
Myself: Have you messaged me before about something similar? If you haven’t, it’s really f*cking weird this is the second time someone has sent me this kind of message…
[His account was deleted after this]
Dumped Before The 1st Date?
Well, that was a first. Yesterday I got a message from a guy on one of the dating sites. I could tell he wasn’t really my type, but he was cute, intelligent, and interesting enough. We exchanged about four messages describing our jobs, what we do in our free time, etc. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he’d thought it over and realized we should probably try to meet different people on there. Is it really possible to break up with someone you’ve only spent a total of maybe 20 minutes speaking to and never met? I replied to the last few things he mentioned to round off the conversation, agreed that we probably weren’t the best match and wished him luck. But it was just strange because I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’ve somehow been dumped. I didn’t say anything so out there, ignorant, or cruel. I’m really just sort of confused as this has never happened before. I spend so much time shaking off those I’m not interested in, I guess I never really thought about someone doing it to me, so early into a conversation that was going well. I guess most of them usually just stop replying out of the blue when they decide they’re not interested, but to get a message that says “Maybe we just need to both keep looking” -I suddenly feel just about as bad as you can feel getting dumped by someone you didn’t know for more than a day and hadn’t developed any feelings for. I guess that isn’t so bad, but at the same time it doesn’t feel great when you’ve already been somewhat lonely and down. Maybe it was just the way he phrased it that made it all too familiar, and stirred up feelings of being dumped in the past. Sometimes it’s like I’m reliving certain moments, though the present situation may have little to do with my past.
Update: I still exist, my love-life not so much.
It’s been what, months since I last wrote here? Well guess what, it’s been months since there was any action going on in my love life as well. I’ll give you a little recap of what I can, anyway. There was the guy who I met about 5 years ago at a concert and hadn’t seen since. He was one of those friends where the situation is “Hey let’s totally be FaceBook friends and then not speak to each other ever again, but occasionally glance at pictures from each other’s lives for the next six years.” Well, we chat every now and then as of the last few months, and occasionally share somewhat explicit stories. A few days ago he told me that he’d be in town and we could hang out. He now normally lives a passport and approximately 222 miles from me (thanks, Google.) He said Wednesday night he’d be available and I should let him know if I’m up for it. I’m not sure of the details but I’m pretty sure he was looking to hook up with me and I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend. Tuesday night he deleted his FaceBook, or possibly deleted me. Late, Wednesday night he reactivated his page and messaged me “Hey I guess we missed each other this time around.” I replied “Yeah, I saw you deleted your FaceBook or blocked me or whatever.” No answer. I suppose he got cold feet or caught about his plans? For the record, no I wasn’t going to hook up with him and no I especially wasn’t going to hook up with him if he had a girlfriend.
Okay, maybe not all of that last sentence was true. A guy who I once wrote about here, (Quick Recap: we met at a party, he came back to my place, we talked for hours, I fell asleep, when I woke up he was gone, nothing happened between us, he messaged me saying he was interested in me, he wound up seeing someone a week later, some months later he asked me how I felt about some sort of strictly sexual situation, I declined as I already had one going on with someone and explained that I wasn’t interested in that kind of relationship) left me two messages on FaceBook the other day. His message after at 1am said “Thank you for the birthday well wishes. It’s been a while but we’re def still in line for a make out at least.” It was followed by a 6:30am message “My apologies, such a random inappropriate message… blame the booze.” I was thrilled to know guys at my age still drunk dial/text/message so I don’t have to feel so guilty about doing it once in a while. Honestly, I’ve gotten much better, though. I’ve always had ex’s numbers in my phone and no matter how blackout drunk I may get, I’ve always still known they were off limits. (I keep them in my phone so I know who to ignore in case they ever contact me.) But, the shocking part of this is my own realization of how desperate I’m starting to get because my reply wasn’t anything like “Yes, that was uncalled for and isn’t going to happen” -It was actually: “Lol it’s alright. Honestly, I’ve had NOTHING going on with anyone for a while now so it doesn’t even sound like such a bad suggestion.” And so, I recently sent out a few messages on the dating site and we’ll see how that turns out I suppose…
Uninteresting Inbox
The continuation of my non-existent love-life…The most recent message in my dating site inbox:
Not Exactly Random Guy: Hi there how is it going, I’m [NAME CENSORED], so tell me how is your experience so far on this site. Please read my profile, get to know me, and I hope to hear back from you.
Myself: [NAME CENSORED], we went to highschool together.
We have a pretty low match percentage lol
I thought you were with someone last I knew, sorry to hear it didn’t work out. Hope you’re still having a good time with the [HOBBY CENSORED] stuff!
Good luck on here! =)
He was always kind of creepy. Sometimes I wonder how they don’t recognize me, especially when we’ve been friends on FaceBook. It just further proves that people send out mass messages and don’t even pay attention to who they go to…Even I’m not that desperate (yet?)
Misleading
I can’t say I’m doing too well in the dating scene right now. A guy sent me a message with a slightly odd comment about one of my pictures, but his pictures were attractive and he had an interesting profile, so we wound up chatting for a few weeks anyway. I was interested in meeting him in person to find out if he was the good kind of weird or the bad kind. With some people, it’s difficult to tell online. He had asked me to get a cup of coffee (I never know if I should take that literally or just as a saying) and I accepted, but then we just went back to our conversation. One night I sent him my number saying that he should text me if he wanted to meet up, and instead of a text, I got another message with his number, saying I could do the same. I think this was around the moment I realized as much as I don’t want to set any rules or restrictions in dating, I need to be pursued and I’m not into pursing someone. It’s silly in my mind, but I can’t deny it.
Eventually, I texted him. We both expressed that we would be free that weekend. He still hadn’t named a time or a place, so I decided to make it easier. I told him that my day at work had been stressful and I was craving a martini. He didn’t reply. The weekend arrived and I texted him twice asking if he was free to meet up, but each time he’d just throw it back to me. I didn’t go out that weekend. Then I remembered that his profile mentioned he was also interested in meeting some people just for friendship instead of dating. I started thinking maybe he had just messaged me seeking friendship and not a date.
Being me, I asked him a few days later. He told me that he saw potential for both in messaging me and just kind of wanted to see where it went. Well, that’s fine and all but I’m not really on that site to seek friendships with guys at this time. It does usually wind up that way with most of the people I meet, but it wasn’t my initial intention. I let him know about my need to be pursued and he said that he typically feels he needs to be pursued as well. I told him that I was more interested in dating than finding new friends from the site, but I added that I probably wouldn’t mind making new female friends so that I would have friends to go to gay bars with. To this he suggested being my “wingman.” There went the possibility of someone new to date. I told him that it hadn’t really worked out the last time I went with a straight guy friend, and he told me that he hadn’t really thought of himself as a “straight” guy before. Our conversation continued, but the potential for someone new to date did not.
So, the closest I came to dating someone recently was speaking to a guy I thought wanted to date me, to it turning out he just wanted to be friends, and ending up with him questioning his own sexual preferences. I’d say, yeah, I’m not doing too well with the whole dating scene right now.
Dating Website Conversation #23
Calling them out on it…
Random Guy: Hi you are beautiful how are you? Xoxo
Myself: Sorry, I prefer messages with more effort that suggest the person did more than glance at my pictures before messaging me. I’m not interested. Good luck on here! =)
Random Guy: Lol
Bad Date Dodged
I managed to skip the entire dating process which would’ve wound up a complete waste of time with one dude! Maybe I should “test” everyone this way!…
Red Flag Number One: His initial message mentioned messaging me in the past and him not being sure if I received it because he had internet problems. On this site it’s pretty clear if you sent someone a message or not, as there are multiple ways of confirming it. There must have been a reason I hadn’t replied to his message from his previous profile.
For some reason I ignored the first red flag and we started talking. He asked me what I found physically attractive in a guy. I found that kind of strange to ask as everyone has pictures up, and I’d even made note of some of my “turn offs” on my profile. He was pretty upset by the fact that I’m generally not attracted to guys with facial hair. I don’t really know why he wanted me to further delve into why exactly I wasn’t into it, when it wouldn’t really change anything.
Red Flag Number Two: He said that he thought I would make a good girlfriend because I seemed to be good with communication. I do think I’m pretty good with communication in relationships, but to mention the suggestion of some sort of commitment with another after about 20 minutes of chatting online is a little too soon. Still, for some reason I let it go.
And again, “for some reason” I told him I’d meet him because it was hard to get a real idea of someone on these sites and sent him my number with instructions to text me when he’s free. I really wish I hadn’t noticed the typo in my number the first time I sent it to him and hadn’t corrected myself. Now, I expected to receive a text possibly that night, or maybe (preferably) that weekend about plans to meet. I figured we were done with the website and moving to our cellphones.
Mind you our conversation happened over a couple of hours in the same day. He constantly told me about how I was his type and how great I seemed. I really think you should hold off on all of that until you’ve met someone in person. It just doesn’t come off as very sincere and I’ve really never been flattered by comments about my physical appearance on there, as it’s all solely based on just a few pictures I’ve put up.
Red Flag Number Three: He’s going to my profile every ten minutes. I went on a date with someone like that about a year or two ago, who wound up giving me the vibe of a stalker after we met. Good news is that he finally deleted his account a few days ago.
*He texts me “Hi” at 9:31pm.
*He messages me on the site a few minutes later about how attractive he finds me.
*He texts me that it’s him (Side note, I wasn’t a fan of his name from the start) at 9:43pm.
I’m turned off by the amount of times he’s going to my profile and his message about how attractive I am and how he’s so attracted to me, so I decide to answer his text the next day. It’s kind of late, anyway.
*The next morning he messages me on the site, while I’m at work, at 10:30am “I texted you…”
*He texts me again, while I’m at work at 1:36pm “hello? Why are you blowing me off?”
*Just in case I didn’t get that text, he messages me on the site at 1:50pm, “Why are you blowing me off?”
*Finally, at 2:10pm, while I’m at work he messages me on the site “You’re an asshole.”
We haven’t known each other an entire 24 hours, we haven’t met, it’s been about 12 hours since he first texted me, and he’s calling me an asshole…
Normally, I don’t ignore people. I don’t like being ignored, so I don’t do it to others. I had intended on meeting this guy up until he started to seem creepy. I decided I’d give him a chance to redeem himself and text him back after work, -After all, I sometimes go to bed around 9pm and I’d have been at work the next day, so it wouldn’t be that crazy not to answer him right away. A friend said that I didn’t owe him an explanation for not replying in that time frame, but I figured I’d be honest. I didn’t want him to be left wondering why he was ignored “out of the blue” as I had dealt with myself in the past. Maybe he would stop texting me and we could still meet, even. But, he blew it. Obsessively freaking out about me not answering him for a few hours, and not just giving it a day or so first, really isn’t something I find attractive, magnified when I haven’t even met the person. So, I answered him…
Myself: Dude, you’re freaking me, okay?
I haven’t even met you, I don’t even know that it’s been a full 24 hours since you first messaged me, but somehow I already felt like “Okay, I need some space, let me just reply to him later.” I don’t like when people suddenly ignore me for no reason, so I do my best not to do it to others, which is why I’m replying now, but it’s never “for no reason” -I just don’t usually get to find the reasons out when it happens to me personally.
Red flag number one was that you said you’d messaged me before. It’s rare I don’t reply to a message unless I have a real reason…
Then you said something about how you thought I’d make a good girlfriend, and that felt really fast.
It was kind of weird how you were asking what I found attractive in a guy, which added to it, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me…
Then you said you found me so attractive or something, after we agreed we would meet…You’re just going off of my pictures on here -that’s not a sincere compliment to me unless you see me in person so I’ve always hated getting those kinds of messages on here, and between that and you going to my profile every 10 minutes, as someone female I have to let you know it makes me imagine you’re jerking off to my pictures and I find it really creepy.
Then there’s that you text me right away in the same day when I figured we could meet up some time soon, not that very second…Followed by a bunch of messages here telling me you texted me and then just cursing me out?…
You know what, you’re probably a nice, normal dude. Thank you for the compliment(s.) I bet you meant well…But honestly you just came on way too strong, way too fast for me, even just by those few simple actions & words. I’m sorry, I just wound up really turned off by all of this & I was going to give you a chance to cool off and see if you calmed down, but you didn’t. I hope you find what you’re looking for on this site. I do wish you luck and I didn’t mean to offend you if I have.
Obsessive Random Guy: then don’t send over 30 messages to me, give me your number, then simply completely ignore me with no explanation…if you weren’t interested just say it…seriously think about it
good luck bye
Obsessive Random Guy: you’re a sociopath wow… jerking off to your pictures?!?!?..I was reading your profile because I was enjoying it and it is long…..you have some serious issues.
[I didn’t literally think “Omg, he’s jerking off to my pictures!” but it just was just along the lines of finding it creepy he kept going to my profile and then messaging me about my appearance. And seriously, if you need to go back to my page every 10 minutes for two days to read my dating profile, I think you need to work on your literary skills. -And do you see how he says bye and then messages me again!?]
Myself: You sound like you need some more experience in dating, at least when it comes to it through these sites. I messaged you because I had an interest until you freaked me out. It’s been hours since I didn’t reply to you, that’s not completely ignoring someone with no explanation. I have waited a day or more for a reply from some guys, sometimes. From the way you’re overreacting in these messages, I highly doubt we would have been a good match. Nothing I’ve expressed in the above, suggests I have any issues, but rather that you do come off as much clingy than I’m comfortable with. My comment was a combination of you saying how attracted to me you were and the amount of times you were going to my profile. You were/are acting very similar to someone I once met from here who was too clingy, and I’d rather not repeat that. I sincerely do wish you luck on here, although you’ve continued to be rude to me at this time. I’m sorry you were so angered & upset by this.
Obsessive Random Guy: dude it’s a dating site you don’t have to take it so seriously…we had good conversation regardless…I’m sorry you’re so jaded and think every little thing comes off as creepy…I’m not angered at all just surprised at the way you’re reacting to something so ridiculous as me texting you hours later after you gave me your number. You need to really chill out and take a look at the situation as a whole…
and so what I gave you a compliment? Big deal…to me there is nothing wrong with my approach…Plenty of women would appreciate my consideration and giving a shit about their thoughts and feelings.
[Why doesn’t he get that it was the amount of times he texted and messaged me, not that he’d texted me a few hours after we first spoke?]
Myself: Yeah…Right.. *I* shouldn’t take it so seriously…Yes, that is good advice…*I* should “chill out”…Well, glad to hear you’re not angered or upset and that you just always speak this way..apparently. It’s pretty clear, we’re obviously not right for each other. Hope you find someone for you.
[Because he didn’t sound angry at all, right? I asked him to calm down, so he told me to calm down. Obsessively messaging me and stalking my dating profile isn’t exactly just finding “every little thing” creepy. And yeah, if there is nothing wrong with his approach, why is he messaging someone who ignored him the first time?…]
Bad Date Averted.
An Acceptable Wait-Time For A Reply?
Random Guy: Hello! Didn’t we talk a while back? I apologize if I didn’t message you back, I kinda got frustrated with this site and haven’t been on much recently. Anyway, I would love to get together sometime!
Myself: ..That was a year ago……
=\
I guess if you don’t receive a reply on a message you send out on a dating site, just give it a year or so! On a rare occasion I’ve gotten a reply on a message I assumed would stay ignored, a few weeks later. There was one girl who replied a few months later…But 11 months later?! I looked back in my inbox and it appears our conversation stopped at my last message asking which weekend he was free. His most recent picture wasn’t as attractive either, so I wasn’t really psyched when I received this message a few days ago. There goes my bit of shallowness coming out again.
After Vacation Update
Well, no romances were formed on my vacation. When I returned I shot the Canadian guy a text which went ignored. I guess a month is too long in-between a first and second date, and I will just have to find someone who thinks I’m worth waiting for and all that blah blah blah stuff. I have been exchanging messages with a few guys on dating sites recently that have potential at the moment, but seeing as how every date I’ve ever been on eventually wound up, I’m not getting my hopes up. No girls have messaged me lately (as usual) and I haven’t come across anyone I particularly felt compelled to message. I actually wasn’t planning on replying to any messages recently, as I’ve been trying to busy myself with the hunt for a new apartment, but when I discovered the messages I’d received were from men with attractive pictures, I decided it might be alright to meet someone new, seeing as it’s been a while now. I’m not sure if that completely qualifies as simply being shallow, but well of course if they sounded like completely ignorant jerks as well, I wouldn’t have bothered! Oh, and there was of course this lovely conversation I had on one site recently…
Random Guy: happy anniversary babe!!!!!!!
Myself: Message designed to desperately get a reply?
Random Guy: Look at your disgusting frail figure lick my asshole
Myself: Wow what male weirdos this site attracts! Good luck with whatever it is you’re doing on here, I suppose.
[I actually went to my profile, looked at each picture just to double check, thought “I don’t look frail, I look hot, that guy’s nuts!” before typing that reply.]
A Vacation
Tomorrow morning I’ll be headed to the airport for a much needed two week vacation. I haven’t really received any post-worthy dating site messages lately, so I suppose you’re already used to my recent absence in the blog world. Once I’m back in the US, after my trip I’ll be busy with some apartment hunting, so you can settle into not hearing updates from me, BUT…Hopefully I will have a more active dating life soon again after that. I haven’t heard from the Canadian guy since his textmessage about seeing each other in the new year, but if neither of us wind up with anyone in the next couple of weeks, hopefully we’ll follow through with a second date. Other than that, it’s been pretty quiet in my world of dating. A crush or an ex sometimes appear in my dreams, but self control keeps me from stalking their FaceBooks or allowing their updates to popup in my newsfeed, and continuing thoughts and jaded feelings of the dating scene float still around my head throughout the day. It’s a battle of moments when you think you might enjoy being in a relationship of some sort and yearn for that, verses certain comforts of being single, and little control over either. You remember when you were a teenager and everything was fresh and new? Sure, sometimes you dated someone with an ex or two, but for the most part it wasn’t that serious and it was always all a fresh clean slate. There are only so many mistakes and dramatic moments you could have had or shared with others at such a young age. The older and older we get, the more baggage everyone we meet has, and the more baggage of our own is accumulated. First kisses, first loves, and special moments may always be remembered, but at some point or another when you’ve repeated it all enough times, it all loses some of it’s luster. Considering I probably have a decent chunk of years left dating, I couldn’t be feeling more pessimistic about what’s to come. It never gets any easier to accept someone you may be, accept someone else for who they may be, and for that person to accept the unique flaws and baggage that come along with being you too…And I’ll leave you with one silly message I received a few weeks ago -Of course the conversation didn’t really go anywhere too interesting when I expressed my disinterest of most cartoons…
Random Guy: You sound so funny and awesome. I’ve gotta know – if you were a cartoon and were bonked on the head… what would happen to you?
[At least he earned his creativity points? Though, somehow it sounds like it came from a pretty lame book of conversation starters.]
First Date, A Month Away From The 2nd Date…
A Little Over A Week Ago:
A few days ago I got a message on one of the dating sites, from a guy who sounded totally okay. He didn’t have a profile that I was that excited about, but he looked alright, sounded nice enough, was around my age, and had a couple of things in common with me. I haven’t been on a date with a guy in about 6 months, or with anyone in a few months, so I was thinking it might be time to try out the whole dating thing again. Of course, the moment he mentioned a specific day to meet I stopped replying. I wasn’t even that excited because I still wanted to be on my break from guys, except the idea of someone rather than no one was starting to seem more appealing lately. Then I started thinking about all of the stresses of dating and how much I hate first dates. I quickly pictured how our night would go and just wanted to call the whole thing off. The next day I went back to my “someone better than no one” idea and gave him my number saying I’d probably be free later. After I didn’t hear from him, I made plans to meet up with some friends at a bar. As I was getting ready to go out, he texted me saying he was feeling under the weather and asked if we could meet the next weekend. I told him it wasn’t a problem and in my mind began picturing excuses I might text him to cancel again in a week. I wondered though, if his excuse for canceling was because he had just been feeling as jaded as I am about dating…
Today:
On Friday I guess I was back to thinking going on a date might be a good idea, so I decided to text the guy from the week before and let him know I’d be free Saturday. But, as soon as he suggested 7:30, I started thinking about backing out. I just kept thinking about how awful dating is, and the idea of a first date all over again sounded like the last thing I wanted to do. Then, I finalized the plans and went anyway. It went well! We got a drink and some appetizers, covered all the first date basic questions, and even got a little off topic and dared to break to the “rules” of what shouldn’t be mentioned. We laughed, interested each other, he kissed my cheek goodnight, and I believe I had a successful date. He texted me today and I realized what crappy timing it was to meet someone new. He’ll be away for the holidays, and then I’ll be on vacation, so the next time I’ll see him will be in a month from now. A lot could change in a month, but who knows maybe the timing will be just right when I’m back in the US starting my new year mid-January. Maybe he’ll play a role in a decent chunk of my life…Or maybe he’ll just be one nice first date I went out on and nothing more…Anyway, he seemed to fit all of my basic “qualifications” and physically looked like “my type” -or at least the type I tend to be attracted to time and time again, so I suppose there’s still some potential at this point. I’ll be referring to him as the Canadian, as that’s where he’s originally from and I don’t reveal any real names on here. I have dated another guy who was originally from Canada, but seeing that he’s married now and we haven’t spoken to each other in years, I figure he’s pretty much out of the picture and all confusion will be avoided.
Dating Website Conversation #22
This conversation occurred on one of the dating sites about a week ago…
Random Guy: Well based on your television and comedians list we have basically the same sense of humor. Louis CK is amazing.
Also, I’d love to see more mermaid pics of you.
[I’m in a costume in one of my profile pictures.]
Myself: Louis Ck’s great.
Yeah, whenever people mention that picture I find it kind of creepy…Like more of my skin is showing in it than in my other pictures…Or were you actually interested in the entire costume which can’t even be seen in the picture? I actually spent about 12 hours making the costume. It was my first time sewing -it’s actually made of 2 or 3 scarves I got at a 99 cents store. But no one would know that from the picture.
Random Guy: Aw, I’m sorry if that was creepy. It’s not that more of your skin was showing, it’s that I’m really into animal girl costumes – mermaid fins, cat ears, wings, tails, etc. (of course that might be a creepy thing to say as well, pretty bad first impression)
Myself: uhh, yeah that’s definitely creepier.
Random Guy: Oh well, sorry I brought it up then.
So, any interest in getting coffee with me sometime?
Myself: meh…probably not really.
Random Guy: Understandable. Thanks for responding even after I was weird, good luck on here.
Myself: eh, that wasn’t so bad. I think everyone’s weird and weird is better, but you can’t start off with that initially because it signals the bad kind of weird, you know…But I make that mistake a lot, which is why I don’t mind so much.
It’s mostly that you’re a little younger than I’d prefer to date men.
Myself: Good luck to you too.
Helping Friends Date
I mentioned that I went out later than I wanted to be out the other night. I took the train home around 3am with a friend when the following conversation occurred. It related to dating, so I figured I’d share it…
Female Friend: “You think that guy over there is gay?”
Myself: “Who?”
Female Friend: “The one in the grey sweater. Don’t look now, he’s looking!”
Myself: *looks* “Hm…No, not necessarily, why?”
Female Friend: “Are you sure?”
Myself: “I don’t know. I wouldn’t assume he is, but you can’t always tell. Why are you asking?”
Female Friend: “Because I’m about to give him my number and I wanted to make sure.”
Myself: “Nah, I don’t think he is, but even if he is, there’s no rejection to take personally and feel bad about. It says nothing on your part.”
Female Friend: “But I don’t want to be rejected! I’m scared, can you do it for me?”
Myself: “You want me to hand him a scrap of paper with your number on it? He’ll think it’s from me.”
Female Friend: “I wrote a note on it. It says ‘You are very handsome’ and I put my number and signed it [NAME CENSORED]”
Myself: “But he doesn’t know that’s your name. Then I have to tell him it’s from you when you’re sitting right there. What are we in school and you want me to pass a note to a guy you like, and tell him it’s from you?”
Female Friend: “Yes! He’s really handsome and- Shhhh! Shhh!”
Handsome Guy On Train: *smiles at Female Friend*
Female Friend: “And he knows it!” *smiles back & waves*
Myself: “Okay, there, he smiled and made eye contact, go give the note to him.”
Female Friend: “No I can’t, what if he has a girlfriend!”
Myself: “So? Then once again, him rejecting you has nothing to do with you!”
Female Friend: “But I don’t want him to turn me down! Do you think he has a girlfriend?”
Myself: “He doesn’t have a girlfriend, he just smiled at you. And if he does, he’s a cheating asshole, so you’re not missing out on anything.”
Female Friend: “That’s true. But I still can’t go over there, I’m too nervous.”
Myself: “Look at his hand, he has a stamp on it. He was just at some bar or club, he’s been drinking just like everyone else on this train, just an hour ago you could’ve been in the same bar as him and it would’ve been the same thing to go up to him.”
Female Friend: “Yeah, but I don’t want him to tell me no! You don’t think he has a girlfriend? You can tell by looking at someone.”
Myself: “No you can’t! People break up all the time, you don’t know when someone is in-between seeing people and single. They don’t look any different!”
Female Friend: “Well, I guess so. When are we getting off the train?”
Myself: “Now, it’s the next stop.”
Female Friend: *Walks up to guy and smiles and hands him the note.*
Handsome Guy On Train: *takes note, smiles, and winks*
[Female Friend & I get off the train]
Female Friend: *waves outside train window as it pulls away*
Myself: “Don’t date him, he’s going to cheat on you.”
Female Friend: “Why?”
Myself: “The way he winked. He was too used to being hit on. He doesn’t look sincere. Don’t answer if he calls you. –Unless you just want to do him, then that’s fine. Go ahead. Protected.”
[Because I suddenly became an expert on making assumptions about people after that haha…]
Bar Hopping After Midnight
Maybe it’s more of something introverts relate to, but the other night I went out with some friends, and after a couple of hours and drinks I was done socializing and ready to head home. However, my friends weren’t. I enjoy going out, I enjoy an occasional drink or two, and I enjoy socializing, but I enjoy it in a much smaller dose than most of friends. They don’t seem to understand this. So, I wound up getting pressured to stay out past that perfect time to leave while I’m still content, and spent the last half of my night at a miserable decline. Sometime around 1 or 2 in the morning they decided we needed to hit yet another bar to play beer pong. Some of my friends are a few years younger than me, and these are the nights where I really feel the age difference. For most people I know, “Let’s party all night, every weekend!” ends after your early twenties and the goal becomes to just catch a buzz, rather than wind up wasted. I got called a “party pooper” and so because somehow in their eyes it’s better I stay out in a bad mood than go home content…and the pressure of “I’m going to leave with you so I don’t go home alone, but I just want to do this one other thing first…” the whole night, kept me out. So, around 1am or 2am we wind up getting to a bar that I feel like only college kids go to and I’d been forced into super-bitch-mode, wanting nothing more than to head home, and fantasizing about sleeping in my bed alone. Sitting alone on a barstool, watching my friends wrap up their game of beer pong was of course when everyone began to hit on me while I was in bitch-mode…
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Hi, I don’t usually do this but…but…I…I just wanted to tell you that if you were a natural disaster you would be global warming.”
Myself: “Oh. Yeah, ha. Well, thank you but I’m not really interested in meeting anyone right now.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “Well, I just wanted to talk…”
Myself: “Yeah I know, but you know, just this whole scene and everything. I’m really, really tired and I’m waiting for my friends to finish this game of beer pong so I can go home.”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “I know but I just think you’re…”
Myself: “No really, thank you. I just, I’m really tired, sorry. I really don’t want to do any of this dating, talking, meeting people, any of this stuff…”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: “But I just wanted to chat and…”
Myself: “I know, thank you. I just…Sorry. I hope you find someone to talk to tonight!”
(Unattractive) Random Bar Guy #1: *Walks Away*
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Hey, you look cold.”
Myself: “Oh um, yeah I am pretty cold actually, but I’m just waiting for my friends to finish their game so I can go home.”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Oh, well, I just thought you looked cold and so I thought I would mention it and um…”
Myself: “Yeah, I am cold, but I’m really tired and not really interested in meeting anyone right now…And you know people like keep coming up to me to talk to me…”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: “Well uh, I’ll just save you the trouble then and I won’t be one of those people, and I’ll stop now…”
Myself: “Okay, thanks!”
(Average-Looking) Random Bar Guy #2: *Walks away*
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Hey, what’s your name?”
Myself: “Oh we’re talking now?”
[How f*cking bitchy is that?! I was so done with that night, hours ago! He was probably the one I was the meanest to]
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhh I guess…”
Myself: “Yeah um…I just really don’t want to do this. I’m really tired, I’m waiting for my friends to finish their game so we can leave and I really feel like this is an early 20’s bar.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Oh…Well…”
Myself: “Well –How old are you?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Er…Old enough…”
Myself: “Yeah, early 20’s, you see. All of you just want to meet and f*ck, meet and f*ck and I mean that can be fun for some time, but you just grow out of it. I’m really over that phase.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Well, but it’s fun…”
Myself: “Yeah, I know I mean that’s cool, it is for a while, just not anymore for me. You’re from [STATE CENSORED]?”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Yeah”
Myself: “Yeah, well I’m just kind of tired of dating and meeting people and hooking up at bars and all…And I’m tired of guys too, so now I’m also interested in girls.”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “Uhhh…Like hooking up with girls?”
Myself: “Well, you know, dating them, possible relationships…”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: “You like girls” *nods head*
Myself: “Well, I’ve always dated guys but-”
(Pretty Cute) Random Bar Guy #3: *Walks away while I’m mid-sentence and whispers something quickly to his group of friends, pretty sure along the lines of me not being interested in guys*
Myself: *laughing*
[At least by saying it that way he didn’t take it personally…]
So, I’m not really sure how into dating I am right now based on my “push all guys away” mode. I keep thinking about what if I had had a different sort of conversation with the cute guy earlier in the night, but at the same time I’m pretty okay with not having met anyone that night. I guess I’m torn between the idea of staying single, being in a relationship, and the dating crap that’s necessary to get there.
Recently Ignored Messages
Honestly, I haven’t been posting a lot because I haven’t been replying to a lot of messages. Here are a few from my dating site inbox over the last couple of weeks, which I chose not to answer for various reasons…
Random Bald Guy: Hi, love your hair!
[I resisted the temptation to reply with “I bet you do.”]
Random Guy: You look just like this one celebrity, but I don’t know if I should tell you who…
-R
[That’s actually sort of a clever way to get a response. I bet some girls really want to hear who it is.]
Then there were a whole lot of those short, generic, “Hey how are you?” messages of course, and one guy who messaged me a while ago when I’d decided to take a break from guys and who admitted to not reading any of my profile before messaging me. He followed up to ask if I was dating guys again. I basically told him that I wasn’t really interested in dating anyone now and that I wanted to “find myself,” figure some stuff out in my life and so on. He replied…
Random Guy: I love that attitude. I was the same way after a bad breakup a few years ago. I think that’s the perfect way to approach dating. You need to love yourself first.
Maybe you and I aren’t so different :)
[I told him I hadn’t been dealing with any recent break-ups, and it was just an in general sort of figuring my life out thing.]
Random Guy: Well let me know if you ever want to grab a drink and talk about it.
[Why would I go on a date because I don’t want to date?]
Random Guy (2 Days Later): Or not haha
Dating Website Conversation #20 & 3/4
You remember this conversation, which was followed by this one? Well, it didn’t stop after that, but I’m finally starting to think that this will be the final part, as I’ve stopped replying…
Random Guy (4 Days After Calling Himself A Hipster): Guess you won’t date a hipster
Myself: Typically hipsters are not a style I find attractive, no.
Random Guy: I landed a date !
Random Guy: It took 2 weeks !
Myself: Good job, takes some people months or years at times.
Random Guy: She’s a Doctor thought not sure we have much in common
Random Guy: She’s so hot I don’t think she’ll be into me
Random Guy: Were gonna go to [EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT CENSORED]
Myself: Have a good time.
Random Guy: Thanks I’m so nervous ! Would you wanna meet up for dessert after as friends ?
Myself: No thank you.
Random Guy: Ok I just showed my buddy [NAME CENSORED] your profile from work he wants to know if you’d give him a shot but he’s not on here really awesome dude
Myself: No thanks
Random Guy: Ok thanks for being my mentor
Random Guy (6 Days Later On Thanksgiving): Wanna get turkey ?
I was going to reply, but…I didn’t? Who invites someone they’ve never met to have turkey on Thanksgiving? Wouldn’t they assume there was some big family dinner with turkey going on, or something? And how made up does his date sound? Isn’t that something they say girls want? “A guy who’s hot and a doctor.” And the whole going to some expensive restaurant for a first date is really not my scene, so if it was an attempt to make me jealous, he definitely further pushed me away. Did he really think after all the times I said I wasn’t interested he was somehow going to make me jealous of not dating him? I wonder if the friend he mentioned even existed or he was just going to meet me pretending to be someone else. Oh and the getting dessert after his date? Yeah, that’s normal. I hope he had fun on his imaginary date. Seriously, sometimes it’s clear why some people are single. Okay, I guess I do hope he actually had a date and it worked out because there is definitely someone out there equally odd as him and it would be nice for them to find each other. I don’t believe there’s someone for everyone in the soul mate sense, but I definitely think there is such a variety of people in the world, that there are good odds there is a combination which works out for nearly everyone to find someone they would be happy with. Though, as I am TiredOfDating, I’m not sure how likely I feel the odds of actually meeting one of those “good fit for you” people are.
Dating Website Conversation #21
And it’s back to receiving the crappy messages that make me sad about humanity. Okay, he wasn’t so bad, but in this day and age it really shouldn’t be so hard to at least make yourself sound intelligent…
Random Guy: Hi,I’m [NAME CENSORED],Pr,Rest in [CITY CENSORED],I like the profile its a Very Good Read & Great Showing,You seem like Someone Real to Know & I Dnt See that hpn Much,Your Hair Is Beautiful,I Only Date Weedsmokers,Definitely Would Love To knw you better,Hit me up Whenever you like,Love The Eyes & Hair,Godbless
Myself: Sorry, I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck on your search on here
Random Guy: Ok sweety,bt next time read the page, I notice you didn’t even bother to look
Random Guy: You shouldn’t go on the numbers the pages gives you
Myself: I just couldn’t date someone who types/speaks that way, personally & based on a lot of the answers you gave to the questions on here, I don’t think we’re very compatible. Just not my style/type, whatever you want to call it. Good luck on your search. The numbers on here don’t mean everything, but they do give you a decent place to start in trying to find someone. You’ll find someone more suitable for you =)
Oh and I guess he’s right, I should at least give his profile a chance, right? I’m checking it out now, as I’m about to post this and you know, sometimes I really get the urge to breech my policy on keeping the anonymity of the people I post about on here, but I guess I won’t give in yet. Seriously, though this guy’s message sounds a lot better than his profile. He described the way he looks even though he has pictures up. There are paragraphs describing details about his daughter, preferences during sex, types of kisses he likes, oh and I love the part about not messaging him if you don’t understand English. I can’t believe he considers most of what he wrote to be in English! He leaves vowels and spaces out at random places because I think he actually believes it makes him appear cool. That makes me sad. I will also never understand why a guy thinks writing a creepy paragraph about himself, and literally 3 pages about his perfect woman will attract her. Honestly, after reading most of it, I really don’t have any clue as to why he messaged me in the first place. He also writes, “I know My page will either be one of the better pages you’ve read or for some Worst.” I’m scared for humanity because I actually believe that “sentence” and it’s depressing that some people really will find his profile attractive. Plus, he is raising a daughter! I mean, I know I’m not perfect but…C’mon! …*sigh*
Dating Website Conversation #20 & 1/2
I knew this conversation from a few days ago ended too well. I think the fact that I reply when I’m not interested really just encourages them. I should stop giving them so much hope. The last few days he has continued to message me…
Random Guy: I keep getting rejected should I feel bad or ugly or just not good enough ? I sent out like 50 e mails
Myself: No, it happens to everyone on here. Just make sure your messages are more than just a sentence, mentions something that interested you from their profile to show you read it, and asks them a question to give a reason to respond. If you’re sending initial messages like the one you sent me to everyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if you never get a reply. These sites aren’t the same as meeting someone in person and you need to be a little more creative to get a response. Most girls inboxes on here have 40 messages that say “hi what’s up?” “hey, how are you?” “hi” “hey” “hello, i’m so and so” and so to stand out, they’re going to have to see an interesting message that they’re intrigued by.
Random Guy: But it’s so hard to read every profile and right a paragraph . I just look at the pictures at this point
Myself: Then you have no right to complain or stress over your message return rate. If you’re not putting in the 5 minutes of effort to skim someone’s profile and write them a couple of sentences, you can’t expect them to do the same for you. Messaging someone based on their pictures alone might work if you’re both only looking to hook up with someone, but if you’re not actually skimming through what they write, you might be wasting your time messaging 30 people you wouldn’t be interesting in dating anyway. It’s pretty easy to tell when someone only looked at your pictures and didn’t read your profile -and for the most part those people (including myself) ignore those kinds of messages. I don’t even usually bother going to their profile when I get those kinds of messages, so it doesn’t even matter what they may look like or have written.
Random Guy: Oh well I read yours twice
Myself: Not that hard, huh? Keep reading, there are a lot more girls out there.
Random Guy: I was in [NEIGHBORHOOD CENSORED] last night
Myself: Yeah, good to go out.
Random Guy: Ya I’m hipster
[Okay, this guy does not know what a hipster is and can this conversation be over yet?…]
100th Post
Welcome to my 100th post! I wanted to make my 100th post something special. I wanted to have some great and relevant post for the 100th. Maybe it would be about some date I went on that was a real turning point. Maybe it would be some really wise words I’d come up with, deeming this entire blog irrelevant. But then I remembered this is a dating blog. It should stay relevant to what dating is like. You don’t get to choose exactly when you meet the right person. Dates don’t always run smoothly. You don’t get to craft out the perfect night with someone and then partake in it just as you planned. Perfect moments aren’t the moments that you plan out. The days when you’d least expect meeting someone memorable and spur of the moment nights are the heart of dating and relationships. So, this post won’t be the greatest I’d written. It won’t be about the greatest date I’ve gone on. It won’t be anything more than the 100th post. The last post I make when this blog is no longer necessary will probably be some odd number, on some random day that would have otherwise seemed like nothing out of the ordinary. This is the post for everyone who got dumped on Valentines Day, on their anniversary, on their birthday, or another day which was “supposed” to be great. This is the post for those who found themselves alone on New Years Eve. This is the post for the perfectly planned single girls night out, with the girl that showed up with her boyfriend. This is the post for your rained-out outdoor-themed date. This is the post for all of us who are tired of dating. This is the post that gives the hope of meeting the right person on that entirely mundane day coming up on __/__/20__…
Dating Website Conversation #20
You know, guys are a lot more persistent than girls on these dating sites. Sometimes I feel like I could say anything turning down a date, and the guy will try to convince me otherwise, anyway. Today a friend said he would rather someone turn him down instead of ignoring him on these sites, and for the most part I would agree. I don’t enjoy most of my messages being ignored, so it’s not something I’d like to do to someone else. I’ve spent a lot of time replying to messages from guys I’m not interested in, just to politely turn them down. The problem is that it never ends there. A lot of the time it ends up in some weird argument with zero chance of a positive outcome. Who really wants to be on a pity date, anyway?! Tonight I got a follow up message from a guy who’s message I’d ignored a few days ago, so I decided to turn him down and yet again somehow it didn’t end there…
Random Guy: Hey I’m [NAME CENSORED]
Random Guy (5 Days Later): Why so anti I’m not shirtless
Myself: I’m not anti-social, but you didn’t send a very interesting initial message and you’re not my type attraction-wise.
Random Guy: Well you’re my type can we grab a bite and see if it there’s anything there ? I guarantee you a good time
Myself: Thanks, but I think the “my type” & “your type” kind of thing has to be mutual to work.
Random Guy: Well i might surprise you in person look you have nothing to lose and I’m treating make a fireman smile
Random Guy: We can paint at [COMPANY NAME CENSORED] it’s byob or go to the top f the [BUILDING NAME CENSORED] Building ? I have VIP passes
Myself: Thanks for the offer, but I’m just not interested.
Random Guy: Ok shallow girl just remember looks fade
Myself: Right, but I’m not shallow, I didn’t say you weren’t attractive enough for me. I just said you’re not my type. Everyone is entitled to their preference. You really don’t need to be so defensive about it. When my messages get ignored, I don’t take it so personally. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: Well I bet it hurts when you get rejected I was nothing but nice and respectful to you and call me a little sensitive but it hurts ok it’s cool though
Myself: I have sent a few follow up messages after my initial message wasn’t replied to a couple of times, and unless you want to know the real reason someone didn’t answer you, don’t push them for a date. If someone is interested, they will reply. Honestly, I didn’t harshly reject you. I just don’t have typical taste in guys, is all. I’m sorry you were somehow hurt by this, but you really will run into a lot of that on these sites and you can’t really feel the same about it as you would meeting someone in person. Also know that most girls don’t reply to most messages. I know from my own experience in messaging them.
Random Guy: I know but you’re one girl that’s profile is very different and I was intrigued too be honest I’m a little persistent and I just felt you would make an awesome girlfriend I’m tired the whole dating game
Myself: It’s not all that different. There are a lot of girls on here. You’ll find a better match for yourself. Some even like that persistence, so it’ll be a better fit. I’m also tired of dating, but it doesn’t mean you can just settle.
Random Guy: You’re right and I appreciate you being nice and explaining this to me
[Well, that ended well…Unless he blows up all angry and messages me again in a few days. (That happened once.)]
Dating Blog Recap
For those of you just tuning in, I thought I’d do a recap in case my dating life picks up again. (Just being hopeful, you know.) I was tired of dating when I started this blog and that has not changed, as I continue to post post-worthy conversations from my dating website inboxes. Shortly after starting this blog, after dating guys my entire life (I’m in my 20’s), I decided to try dating girls around the middle of this past summer. The idea definitely surfaced after developing a crush on one particular girl. I honestly do still have a thing for her, but I’d rather not get into all of that right now. I made a post about it, still under the impression it wasn’t possible for me to like a girl when I’d always identified with being straight, but after admitting the way I felt, I finally saw it as an option and decided to take advantage of that option. Over the last couple of weeks I created a second dating profile to date girls and switched my original profile back from “bisexual” to “straight” to find guys. It makes all the difference as the only messages I was getting when it was set to “bisexual” were from couples looking for a third person, and guys nearly twice my age. I now use both profiles equally, but just this past week I’ve started sending initial messages out to guys again. (No replies, so far.) I had been taking a break from guys, and though I still am for the most part, I’m more open to the idea of dating them again. (Yes, currently having no dating kind of situation with anyone male or female made me expand my options.) Over the last few months I’ve gone on 4 first dates with girls, which went no where. And to keep track, here are some of the nicknames I’ve been throwing around in my posts…
Crazy Girl is a girl who I have not met but who sends me explicit messages which I do my best to reply to and is probably making up some of her stories.
Flakey Girl is a girl who I never met but used to text me all of the time asking me to hang out and then cancelling last minute. I haven’t heard from her in months. She also apparently knew someone growing up who I hung out with in my teens.
Crazy Dog Girl is the girl who said she was Catholic but wanted to raise her dog (who she calls her son) Jewish. We haven’t spoken since our one date.
Band Camp Girl is a girl who I haven’t met yet but was supposed to meet last week, until I asked her if we could switch it to sometime this weekend. We still don’t have any plans set in stone. All I know about her at the moment is that she plays the flute, hence her name. I haven’t really mentioned her before except for in this post.
Switzerland Girl is the girl who was on vacation in the US and we went out one night. I’ll probably never speak to her again, but that’s what I called her. My friend referred to her as “SwissMiss” but I kept confusing his questions with hot chocolate, so the name didn’t stick.
I don’t have nicknames for the other two girls I’ve recently been chatting with on and off, or any of the guys I’ve recently dated. You’ll find their stories throughout my posts, though. The next few months are going to be a little hectic as I’m taking a 2 week vacation out of the country, have been occasionally working a side job as a hobby on the weekend, and have been apartment hunting because I’ve decided it’s time for change, but I’ll do my best to keep updating this blog. My “love life” has also been pretty lame and non-existent as of recently, so I’m hoping to make it a little more exciting again. For other interesting posts I’ve written in the past, please see the “Top Posts” on the side bar of the main page, or feel free to browse through my older stories throughout the Recent Posts, Archives, and Categories.
Dating Website Conversation #18
I have learned that no matter how long you spend on a dating website, no matter what you write on your profile, and no matter how socially acceptable it is to be on a dating website, you will never stop receiving messages from some guys who just want to sleep with you…
Random Guy: Hey you seem like you could be really awesome to hang out with and do more, you up for something “casual?” I don’t think casual needs much clarification.
Myself: Are you a complete stranger sending me an initial message asking if I would like to meet you to have sex with you, though my profile doesn’t specify I’m interested in anything like that? If not, please do specify “casual” with your little quotation marks…I mean did you go with that because “Hello, person I have not met before, I think it would be awesome to have sex with you and I was just wondering if you were up for it?” didn’t have a nice ring to it?
Random Guy: [WEBSITE LINK CENSORED]
Myself: Yeah, I’m not going to click a random link after the above conversation…
Random Guy: yeah well its about social conditioning. google it.
Myself: Meh, didn’t care enough to google it, sorry.
Myself: Oh and no thank you to the sex. Really? Do people not listing “looking for casual sex” on their profile go for that as an initial message? Well, good luck to you…
Sending Crazy Messages To Crazies
Crazy Girl is back! Well, that’s what I’ve been calling her anyway. (I mention her sending me “interesting” messages in this post.) She just sort of starts off with these explicit kind of messages, and just sort of messages me “What did she just say?!” things that I feel the need to read to my friends. I haven’t actually posted any of our conversations because I haven’t yet decided that I want to share them, since we may actually meet. But, yes, after some weeks (months?) she has suddenly messaged me back again. Every time I read one of her messages I close the browser the moment I’m done, take a breath, and eventually reply to her a few hours later. I guess I’m not usually as open as she is until someone gets to know me. Of all the people I’ve been chatting with lately, she’s definitely the one I’m the most curious about meeting, though probably the least likely any real relationship would start up with. I’m pretty sure she is the person in her pictures but that some of her stories must be made up. So, she’s the one I call Crazy Girl. I’m sure someone will top it and become Psycho Girl one day…I hope that’s not what anyone calls me now? We all know there’s “good crazy” and “bad crazy” and I do my best to stay “good crazy.” I did also send out some humorous messages to some guys recently. I guess I didn’t feel like putting the effort in to get a reply and I just started out all funny/quirky. As I haven’t received any replies, I guess you really do need to make some sort of better first impression on the internet rather than giving someone the impression that you’re silly all the time. It’s not really fair that we assume someone is everything they say in an initial message, but I of course do the same, as I have no choice but to play along in the same game. By this one guy’s profile, he totally seemed like he would think I was just being amusing in my message and not “bad crazy,” but it went ignored so I guess he assumed I was some nuts cat lady. I know I could have crafted some great initial message, and I suppose I would have if I really wanted him to reply…But I’ve been feeling so jaded by all this dating (Surprised by the blog name?) and where’s the fun in it anymore?…
Myself: Hello,
Did it bother you that when you checked the “has cats” box on here, it stays plural even if you only have one cat? It bothered me a little, so I got a second cat. That’s not entirely true, I just wanted a second cat and one was available, but the thought “Now my dating profile will have a totally honest sentence in that section!” did cross my mind…
PS- I’m not a cat lady (probably.)
…Fine, he can ignore my message but I still think it’s hilarious.
Food In Teeth Mid-Date
If your date has food stuck in their teeth, should you let them know? I think the answer depends on how long you’ve been dating. If I’ve been with someone for a while, I’d tell them right away. There’s a level of comfort you reach which leaves for less embarrassment. Though, I suppose I’d rationalize that my date was trying to save me from embarrassment if they let me know early on. My best friend and I usually ask each other to check each other’s teeth after we eat, so I think once you’re comfortable with someone it’s safe to mention. However if it’s a first date, I probably wouldn’t say anything to avoid leaving my date feeling embarrassed. The problem with being a somewhat socially awkward over-thinker is that I sit there wondering if I should say something every time they smile. Then, when they come back from the bathroom and it’s gone I think, “Oh no! They noticed it and took it out, which means they know I knew and didn’t say anything!” (That’s referring to my night out with the tourist girl.) Of course, there are probably numerous much more embarrassing things which could happen on a date. How long would you wait before letting your date know they had something stuck in their teeth?
An October Update
Been a while again. Since the last time I wrote, everyone I’d been speaking to is yet again out of the picture. I created a separate dating site profile to find girls and began using my old profile for guys again. I might meet a girl on Wednesday, but I’m thinking about pushing it to next week. Oh and of course I do still get weird messages…
Random Guy: hey there sex lover !) how is everything going?
Myself: wtf?
Random Guy: Wtf, don’t you love sex or what f is wrong with u )))))
Myself: So weird
Random Guy: Just go
Myself: right…
Date With A Tourist Girl
So, Friday night I met the girl visiting the US from Switzerland. It’s funny how little I’ll hesitate to meet a girl, yet worry much more about the type of person a guy is before meeting him. Our date was pretty average, some wine with dinner, talking about life, and sharing stories. She was nice, and I found it really interesting to speak to someone from another country who’d never been here before. However, I didn’t find her all that attractive and she kind of reminded me of a friend of mine, so I wasn’t really feeling the night continuing after dinner. She seemed disappointed when I announced that I was tired and going to head home. Yet again I’m not finding many messages in my inbox on dating websites, and yet again I haven’t met anyone too interesting, so I continue to be single, tired of dating, and continue to have a lack of interesting updates for this blog. Hope it all changes soon and I will of course keep you updated!
Dating Website Conversation #17
The weird things guys say in their attempt to get a girls attention continue. Here’s a conversation from a couple of days ago…
Random Guy: Hey,
If you & I were together they would call us Beauty & the Beast …and when someone calls you beast I’ll beat the hell out of them!
I was just looking at your profile and I liked what I saw so I want to get to know you better. You have beautiful eyes & a gorgeous smile!
Write back to me & let me know what makes you smile.
Talk to you later
[NAME CENSORED]
…
Myself: um…Thanks. As my profile indicates I’m looking for someone female at this time, though. Sorry.
Random Guy: well I can wear high heels and tuck it back if you are interested lol
Good lick I mean luck with that
Myself: Good luck with your search on here.
Dating Website Conversation #16
So, today I got a message on the dating site from some a girl in Switzerland who will be visiting my area for a week. Though I didn’t think we seemed too compatible I agreed to meet her this weekend because I figure nothing long term can come of it either way, and even if it goes horribly she’ll be out of the country within a few days. It’s not really like me to do this type of thing, but this is what happens when you’ve got nothing going on dating-wise. Oh, and as promised here’s a short conversation from the other night…
Random Guy: Ouch…….damnit!! When I saw your pic I passed out and hit my head on the keyboard!! So I’ll need your full name, number and name of your modeling agency for insurance reasons *shakes fist*…..but I’ll settle for a coffee or drink sometime hehehehe ;)
Myself: I have no idea why I’m showing up in your search results. I’m looking for someone female under 30, sorry.
Long Awaited Update
So, it’s been a while…I guess I’ll update this blog whenever I have some silly dating website conversation, or have a dating story to tell. I can’t make any promises as to when or how often that will be, as I’ve honestly not had a lot going on lately. But, trust me -my blog posts suffering are not the worst part about it and I’d prefer something more interesting were going on in my dating life beyond reasons of just a story to tell… –So the motivation is definitely there to fuel more posts. The last few days I’ve been exchanging some interesting messages with a girl on one site. I’m debating posting them, depending on where the conversation ends up, and if we actually meet. To clarify “interesting,” my initial message was along the lines of “Hey, we like two of the same TV shows, cool” and her lengthy reply included her preference in pubic hair grooming. I haven’t heard from Flakey Girl in a while, but I did find out she was the next door neighbor growing up of an old friend I haven’t seen in a while. Random, but yet again it’s such a small world. I also spoke to one of my friends about the “interesting” remark I hear from her every time I mention interest in a girl. The reaction is apparently half because she finds herself unable to relate (though, I see it all as no different than having interest in a guy), and half because she doesn’t see me permanently dating women. From the start, I did say it was probably just a phase as I don’t see myself marrying a woman (I mean who knows, but it seems most likely, given I’ve dated guys my entire life), but I don’t really see how it’s a reason to not be taken seriously. I mean, even if it is something just going on at this moment, does that make this moment any less of current reality? It feels freeing to know dating women is also an option and it’s exciting to be attracted to some because it’s something new to me. I definitely think it’s more difficult market, though. If anything, at least from the viewpoint of dating websites alone. I changed my dating site profiles to only seeking women (but still indicating “bisexual”), and there has been a dramatic decline in my profile views and messages. Strangely enough I still get random messages from guys from time to time. Expect a couple of those messages to be posted sometime this week ;-)
Temporary Break From Temporary Hiatus
Mostly still on my temporary hiatus from this blog due to lack of dating (meh) but I do have a short post for today:
Today I mentioned to my mom that I’d been going on some dates with girls over the last few months, as the topic came up and I knew it wasn’t a big deal. (I think the conversation went from groceries > to pasta > to Barilla’s recent remarks > to gay people > to people’s opinions about gay people > and so on…) What was her input? “I don’t think it matters if you date girls or boys. I think they both suck just the same. They’re all just people and I think all people just kind of suck the same!” (I think she mostly meant along the lines of the crappy side of dating and stress in relationships.)
A Few Notes
- I get the feeling I am not going to see the last girl I went out on a date with again. I don’t really have strong reasoning, but sometimes I get a certain vibe about a situation and nearly all of the time I’m right.
- I made plans with the flakey girl for Thursday, again. I’m planning on showing up and getting stood up. I’m still going because she answers text messages in such a strange way, I’ve become really curious about meeting her in person.
- I am declaring it much harder to get a second date with a girl than it is with a guy. In the past, nearly every first date I went on with a guy, it was almost always up to me if there would be a second date. I wasn’t that crazy about any of the girls I met recently, but I don’t think they’d have gone out with me a second time if I was!
- I haven’t received any messages on dating websites in two days (a record!)
- If you pay attention to someone’s internet habits (log-in time, updates, etc.) you can often infer a lot.
- I’m definitely tired of dating.
Third First-Date With A Girl
Before The Date
I forgot to mention that a few days ago I got a reply from a girl who I’d messaged over a month ago on the dating site. She apologized for the delay in her response and we exchanged numbers shortly after. I get the feeling she’s the chatty type because I received 9 texts in a row from her in a 10 minute span before I could reply, while I was at work. I’m not sure what she actually sounds like, but as I read her texts the voice in my head was that of an over-excited teenage girl. You know, a lot of “omg lol new shoes” type-talk. None of that sounds like my type, I suppose, but she seems friendly and I figure she’s worth meeting anyway. From what I can tell on her profile, our opinions clash about drug use, and though it sounds like the difference in opinion would be problematic in a relationship, I figure it shouldn’t stop us from at least meeting once. With that said, last night we made reservations for brunch and I’m off to meet her now…
After The Date
So that went well, I think! She was just as enthusiastic in person as in her text-messages and hugged me hello. Now that I think about it, she also gave me the closest hug goodbye any of the girls I’ve gone out with have yet. I forgot to bring up our differing views on purpose because I didn’t want to ruin it so soon. The date was short because she had to go to work, but I think we’ll see each other again. It was pretty much your typical “Where are you from, what do you do, do you have any siblings, how about pets, what do your parents do, where did you go to school” first date, so I don’t have much else to comment on that. We have a few little things in common and I felt like she gave off a lot of positive energy. Good vibes from her today. Though she has two cats and a decent job/nice apartment, she wasn’t at all like the other date I went on with the law school girl who was obsessed with her little dog. I didn’t feel like she was talking down to me or anything. She seemed fun and cute…We’ll see. Either way that flakey girl from my post the other day has been texting me and we’ve made plans for Thursday yet again. (But who knows if they’ll actually happen.)
Skim Profiles Before Messaging
Tired of all of the messages from people I’d have no interest in (messaging me after looking at my pictures without glancing at my profile), I decided to call them out on it. Here are a few of the conversations…
Random Guy: hey, i’m [NAME CENSORED] :)
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: its a few things. first, very few girls actually respond back, if you take the take the time and read all the profiles, you’ll never get to talk to anyone. second, physical attraction is like 90% of what guys look for first.
Myself: Nothing wrong with physical attraction, but like you said -FIRST-
Once the decision to message someone has been made how do you guys not even skim the profile? Mine’s long -I don’t at all expect anyone to read every word (though once in a while some people do) but how does anyone not even skim it? I mean people who you’d never get along with in a million years messaging you…And yeah, about girls responding -TELL ME ABOUT IT. As I mentioned on my profile for anyone skimming, I’m currently interested in dating a girl, not a guy. 95% of the time you never get a reply.
[He actually clicks on my profile now, because of course he didn’t notice my mention of dating girls.]
Random Guy: well if they message back, ill read the profile. I just thought you were really cute :) You’re not open to a guy at all right now?
Myself: And what if you don’t like what you read on their profile, just ignore them like they always do to you?
Thanks.
Nope, I’ve been with them for [MY EXACT AGE CENSORED] years and I’m taking a break. I just don’t have the interest at the moment.
[Why should we “waste” our time reading these messages rather than them “wasting” their time skimming a profile first?]
Random Guy: nah, i think actually talking to someone is a better way to get to know them. it’s not a job interview haha. well i’m sorry to hear a beautiful woman like you has no interest in my gender. after reading your profile, i think we’d actually get along good :)
[Get along “good” or “well?]
Myself: Well yeah but there are so many people not worth talking to on here. It’s not real life. It’s a tool used to weed out those you wouldn’t have an interest in and find those you’d like to meet and get to know in real life. You’ve even admitted you start speaking to people completely based on their appearance. How does it suddenly change to an importance in getting to know someone if their appearance is most important?
Yeah, I guess I’m just bored/tired of dating guys. I believe it’s temporary and eventually I’ll probably date a guy again, just not any time soon.
Random Guy: well good looks can only keep a guy interested for so long. i’m hoping to find someone that keeps my interest.
Myself: So skim the words they write before you message next time =)
Good luck
[And really what’s with the extremely short, boring messages? I’m expected to read through their profile when they didn’t read mine and can’t put in the effort to write a decent message?]
Random Guy: hii there
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Why u saying si?
Random Guy: So
Random Guy: Just said hi
Random Guy: :)
Myself: Because I’m getting a lot of messages from people who wouldn’t be a good match for me. I’m not sure why I should read through them all when they’re not even skimming my profile before deciding to send their messages…
Random Guy: you gotta used to have such kind of messages here
Myself: Sorry, I don’t even understand what you’re saying. …Which is what I mean, on so many levels it doesn’t seem like we would be a good match, yet you’ve still sent me a message.
Random Guy: you know what kind of web sited it is right?
Myself: Yeah, this website is a search engine right? It works like google. I can use it to research my favorite celebrities, right?
Random Guy: :)
Random Guy: you funny
[Damn, I was really hoping he’d fall for my playing-dumb joke]
Random Guy: it is pretty hard for you to find your match over here
Myself: Which is why I don’t understand why I should waste even more time speaking to people who clearly aren’t a good match for me. It’s hard enough, why should I read through messages of bad matches who didn’t even skim through my profile when I could be spending my time speaking to/searching for a more compatible match? (And the person messaging me could be doing the same.)
Random Guy: good bye beautiful
Random Guy: have a nice fishing
Myself: Yep, you too.
[Wow, for once I didn’t have to be the one to end the conversation!]
Random Guy: i am [NAME CENSORED] by the way
[Damn, I guess I spoke too soon.]
Random Guy: nice to meet you
Random Guy: are you from [CITY CENSORED]?
Myself: Yeah, I am.
Good luck with your search on here!
Random Guy: hi
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: half the time no one reads my profile so y should i
Random Guy: they are surprised that im cheap even though it says so on my profile
[Wait, what?!]
Myself: Why should someone else spend the time reading your message if you didn’t even skim their profile? What makes your time more valuable?
Random Guy: exactly
Myself: So because someone didn’t read your profile, how does it seem fair to message someone else and expect them to read your message when you didn’t even skim that person’s profile?
Random Guy: dont know. ask the person that wrote the profile
Myself: That’s ridiculous. Good luck on your search on here.
Random Guy: ok
[Someone trying to get the last word in?…]
Random Guy: Heyy
Myself: Hey,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Idk
[Ha! Short, simple, over, done.]
Random Guy: Hi I’m [NAME CENSORED]. How’s it going?
Myself: Hi,
Great -Can you tell me why guys on here never even skim anyone’s profile and just send out messages at random after looking at one or two pictures of someone?
Random Guy: Hmmm. Not really sure.
That mimics real life though right?
Myself: But that’s the thing. This isn’t real life. This is something used to find people who you’d like to meet in real life. One can notice attraction first, but how do you guys not even skim a profile after you’ve made the decision to message someone?!
Random Guy: I’m not really sure. How am I supposed to answer for a population of users that I probably don’t have all that much in common with?
Myself: So I guess you’re just yet another guy who messaged me only seeking friendship, after reading on my profile that I was currently interested in dating girls and not guys?
Random Guy: Well your profile is long. Do you really expect everyone to read the entire thing while contemplating whether or not to message you? I knew things you liked, didn’t like, media you prefer… All before saying hello.
But because I didn’t read the one line of a hundred that you wanted me to I’m the asshole?
[It’s in bold, with a star in front, and on its’ own line. If you just quickly skim my page, it’s hard to miss. It actually used to be in bold in three other sections as well, and still went ignored.]
Right. It’s the fault of the worlds population of men. We’re pigs. Nevermind that your profile contradicts itself. Great attitude.
Myself: Of course not. I never intended for anyone to read all of it which is why I said SKIM it.
I have been getting a lot of messages from people who would never be compatible with me & nearly no messages from those who would be.
You called yourself an asshole, not me. I simply asked why so many guys aren’t even getting any idea of who I am as a person & sending me messages based purely on attraction so much of the time. I put things in bold so that someone could skim my profile and in 5 seconds focus on what they’d need to know when it would come to dating me.
Again, you called your gender pigs, not me.
Good luck with your search on here =) …Maybe your appearance first, profile later approach will work with someone after all.
[He got extremely defensive and it went on for a while after that. It’s not really worth posting the whole argument.]
So, I guess it’s just me reading the majority of someone’s profile after skimming their page, looking at their pictures, and deciding to send them a message…
Message With Caution
This is a lesson in making sure you haven’t already met the person you’re about to message on a dating website…
Not-Actually-Random Guy: Hey there. Your profile caught my attention. Hope that you’re having a relaxing weekend. Feel free to say hi :)
-[NAME CENSORED]
Myself: The one from jr high or something?
Not-Actually-Random Guy: Sure. How you been? I’m exhausted. Working in the ER overnight in [CITY CENSORED]. FML.
Not-Actually-Random Guy: As silly and cliche as it may sound, you are my kinda girl [MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN CENSORED]. Your profile sounds like a mirror image of mine.
Myself: No I mean aren’t you the dude that went to I think jr high with me…
Not-Actually-Random Guy: You do look familiar now that I think about it. Head barely working. How’s it going?
Not-Actually-Random Guy: I wish I remembered your name. Have we spoke recently?
Myself: We were FaceBook friends for a while and then you deleted me after some time of messaging me a lot about how we would get along because I was a [MY ASTROLOGICAL SIGN CENSORED]. You last spoke to me at the beginning of this year saying your fiancé left with your cat and that seeing pictures of my cats made you miss your cat. You said I was pretty and asked why I was single, but I wasn’t interested. Also, FYI I’m still not interested, as I mentioned on my profile here I’m currently interested in dating girls, not guys. But I wish you luck finding someone on here =)
Not-Actually-Random Guy: Ah, I remember now. It was something you said that upset me. Anyway, I’ve forgiven and forgotten.
Sure, best if luck in dating women. They are tough! But if you would like to hang out sometime just for fun, lets do it. I could use some friends
Myself: hm. Yeah, I read through the conversations. It’s you asking a bunch of questions about my cats, me saying I’m not interested in dating, and you trying to convince me of the importance of astrological signs. That’s about it haha.
Thanks. Hope you find someone as well.
Not-Actually-Random Guy: So you’re not interested in being friends either. Fair enough. Peace
Myself: No, it’s just how I told you on FaceBook -If someone expresses interest in you at the start, it’s too awkward to be just friends.
[Pretty sure what I said that “upset” him was turning him down all those times he asked me out. Anyway, if he deleted me from FaceBook, he couldn’t have been that interested in being friends with me.]
Worst Thing I’ve Done
One of the worst things I’ve ever done in a relationship was when I was a mid-to-late-teen. I’d been with my boyfriend for some years and it was one of those situations where you haven’t really been in love before and you just assume this is it. At X-number of years old, I’m done. I’ve found the one. We’ll get married and have kids and never have to date anyone else again. This is as good as it gets. So no matter what you stick with it. You’ve never felt this way about another person and it doesn’t even matter what they do anymore. You’ve become so brain-washed into believing this person is the key to your entire romantic future, they could screw up and you’d just become frustrated rather than dump them. Needless to say we were on our way out of that relationship back then, but didn’t acknowledge it until a few years later.
One day we had one of our many, many arguments. I couldn’t tell you what it was about if my life depended on it because so much time has passed, but I’m going to assume it was something typical. He was late. He was always late. He’d keep me waiting 9 hours, dressed and ready for him to pick me up for our date, and I’d wait. I’d get in the car with 9 hours of build up anger, but I’d still go. His argument for not having great dates with me was that I was always so angry each day we’d spend time together. My argument for being so angry was dealing with him. But like I said we didn’t end it until some years after that.
So, I don’t know what I was angry with him about that day, but I was really angry. I was fuming. I don’t know what we were fighting about, but he was mad too. He was livid. Then I crossed some line. I still can’t remember what I said, but I pushed him passed some tipping point. He snapped and he spit at me. We had been walking along some street and I must have run ahead in anger to get away from him. When I turned around to face him again he spit in my face. He didn’t miss. And then I snapped. How do you retaliate to being spit in the face? Someone who you feel so deeply for they have the power to bring out the worst in you has spit in your face and you have half a second to react. I punched him in the face. It’s the one time in my life I’ve punched someone in the face. It’s the one time in my life I’ve really punched someone. Blood shone on his lip and in his teeth. We both stood there in some sort of shock. An immediate rush of guilt and sympathy ran through me. Suddenly I cared about his wellbeing again. Suddenly it didn’t matter he’d spit at me. The whole thing was ridiculous. I don’t remember the words, but I remember thinking “That was not okay. That was not okay to do. He’s going to think you’re a f*cking psycho. You’ve caused an abusive relationship. He’s bleeding. You made the person you love bleed!”
The walk back to his house was a lot more calm. The tone had shifted. The best story we could come up with to explain his mouth to his mother was “He fell.” As long as he said he fell she would know how clumsy he was and take it as the truth. The problem was no one falls on the side of their mouth without any other bruise to show for it. His mother looked at me immediately seeing through the lie. Then she gave him a “What did you do to her to cause her to do that?!” look. “What do you mean you fell?! How are you not more careful?! How did you fall?! You just fell!?” We went inside and after my hundredth apology we made up. That was one of the top worst things I’ve ever done in a relationship. What’s the worst thing you ever did?
Still Very Much Single
You know, everything about The Dating Cycle is really starting to frustrate me again. I think at times I just sort of go on pointless date after date, just sort of floating through everything, but right now I’m feeling pretty frustrated again. For one thing, I’m getting about 5 messages a day on these dating sites. Great, right? Nope. They’re all from men with an extremely low match rating to me (I’d never have interest in them) and a lot of them are nearly double my age. This means no one is reading my profile to see what we have in common, or to notice that I indicate I’m currently interested in dating women -and someone close to my age. (I shouldn’t be surprised, of course I know people just look at the pictures –But if you’re about to send someone a message, seriously how do you not even skim their profile first?)
Then there’s the girl from a couple of weeks ago. Let’s go in order:
Girl messages me.
I reply. (We exchange a few messages over a couple of days.)
She asks me to meet her.
I ask when and where.
5 days pass.
I send her some question marks.
She sends me her number and asks if we can switch to texts.
I text her.
She says she’ll be free next weekend.
Next weekend is coming up and she tells me she’s free Thursday instead. (We have a time but not a place.)
Tuesday I ask her where we’re meeting.
She asks if we can switch it to Saturday.
Wednesday I ask her where we’re meeting Saturday.
We discuss an area, but no place or time. (She asks if we can discuss it closer to Saturday.)
Friday night I ask her what’s going on with the next day.
No reply until Monday. (She says she went away for the weekend again and wishes she wasn’t so busy.)
Her last text read, “It’s lonely not having time for people.”
My reply text, “It’s lonely having time and no people lol”
Her reply text, “Okay give me some time and ill give you a person”
My last reply text, “Haha alright fair trade”
(Because what better things do I have going on anyway? I’m really turned off by people being this flakey. It’s really not something I want to deal with especially when it comes to dating. I’m really not expecting to ever meet up with her. But somehow this is the most I have right now. This is boring.)
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
-Movie: Love & Death (By Woody Allen)
Tired Of Dating 